Original subtitles

I might add, since her husband was twice as old, but only half as lusty.

He was a good provider, except in bed.

And as if this were not enough torment for a minute, he came to her one day

with these sad tidings.

Beloved.

Good morning, my love.

What's good about it when you didn't even sleep in my bed last night?

Enjoy your private beauty. Come on.

Undress.

How lovely you are.

How tempting.

Your luscious goodies could raise the fig leaf off a marble statue.

I wish I had time for one last sip of nectar.

So do I.

But I haven't.

Why do you blindfold me?

Double protection.

Ah, you must admit that this is a very clever gambit.

Father Fapello instructed me.

Two strips of linen.

The locksmith cannot see you.

And what is equally important, you cannot see him.

Locksmith! Lie down, my dear.

I'll guide you.

If you please, sire.

I need no guidance.

From long experience, I can find my way to the golden box in the dark. For me,

it always lights up.

I don't care for your descriptions.

No offense meant, sire.

Just professional talk.

Well, enough talk. Come on, get on with it. And make sure your professional

fingers do not stray.

Oh, I'll be very careful.

What's the O?

His hand is cold.

Forgive me, sire.

Oh, I do, sire.

But I never malinger.

There. It is done.

Are you sure?

See for yourself.

Or better, why not test it?

It's a securely locked.

Is it painful, my love?

And so, yes, at the inn of a fat

angel.

I knew you by your ring.

That's why I wear it.

After nothing, you really call me the husband's best friend.

And now that I'm here, what is your plan?

I want you to get me out of this horrible contraption.

But you've only been in it for 12 hours.

It seems like an eternity.

You've aroused my interest.

Tell me more about the reward.

Since you provided the trap, You can have some of the bait.

Move.

You're the key to the situation.

I command you to insert it.

You're so good.

I shall make you feel good.

And now, what are you doing?

Deeper.

Deeper. Open all the locks.

Oh, that's my craft.

Who is it?

Maria. It's only the maid.

I told you not to interrupt me, except an emergency.

Try to delay him!

Beloved, let me in. Hurry. I've come home to a faithful wife.

There, it is done.

Quick, in there.

Nineta, hurry.

Patience, patience, I'm coming.

Nineta. Here, beloved, see for yourself.

It is done.

Yes. In case I need you again.

Bless you.

Bless you, Patrizia.

And bless the barber.

You must bring him your patronage.

I'd rather bring my patronage here.

You're a satisfied customer, I hope.

Tell me, Patricia, was mine longer than Brocko's?

Perhaps.

It seemed to have traveled a longer distance.

But I am not that sure.

Good.

Remain unsure, and I shall service you again.

Make it soon.

Not that door.

Use the one over here.

Now that we're alone, I shall tell you why. I have a great gift for you.

A jewel?

A robe?

Something to eat?

Patience. In time you shall have it.

I find you so desirable that I cannot wait to reach the bed.

Heaven, I didn't realize you were huge like a stallion.

Am I hurting you?

Did I complain?

I realize you've been fed on small rations.

Then fill me to the brim.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Please.

Don't stop.

I want you to keep on punching Spinello.

Use me again.

Again.

Let's teach him a lesson.

What do you think?

if the cause of vengeance has been served?

Oh, yes.

Well served.

And now, where is this gift you promised me?

No takes. I want to see all hands above the table.

She's done.

Nino. This one is much lighter.

It's immense.

There's room for both of our hands on here.

Lest my cup runneth over.

I guess it's nature's way of compensating.

I hope this little billy rides like a lady.

Assurance is a sassy little assy you are this fine morning.

my own sword to an instrument for my torture.

And I was foundering in her gaping generation gap.

My sword was no match for her all-consuming snatch.

Her well of passion was so deep, an entire regiment of men would have

drowned in it.

My position was desperate.

And Chuchi's organ grinder devoured my meat so ravenously that my splendid

sword was bent.

Oh, Nina, rescue me from this hell.

Rescue!