Original subtitles

Get her down for a nap?

Finally. God, I'm so ready for this "no" phase to be over.

Hey, she didn't get it from me. I'm a yes-man, always have been.

-Really? -Yes.

So, she got saying "no" from me?

Let's see. Wanna go have sex right now?

God, I hate when you're smart.

-Hey. -Hey.

-You went grocery shoppin'? -Yeah, I'm around.

Figured I'd lend a hand.

So sweet, you two shoppin' together.

You wouldn't believe how many types of turkey they have.

Peppered, smoked, honey-roasted,

and where it all started, plain.

Did you check out the cereal aisle? Cap'n Crunch, Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch,

Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries.

It's a good time to be alive.

It was so nice to have a big strong man to push my cart.

Well, wheels were a little wonky, but I fought through it.

There's a couple more bags, you wanna grab 'em?

You got it, my little lovebug.

He's drivin' me crazy.

-You wanna take this one? -Not really, no.

Oh, thanks, yes-man.

We spent two hours at that store 'cause he had to go up and down every aisle.

It's like takin' a toddler to the zoo.

I think he just wants to spend time with you.

Follows me around the house, now he's goin' with me on errands.

You're lucky. I wish me and Mandy got to spend all day every day together.

-Seriously? -I'm tryin' my best.

That man needs a hobby.

-Well, he's got the Mustang. -Which he got runnin'.

Football?

Which he makes me watch 'cause I'm his lucky charm.

Another great cereal.

You know what we should do?

Hit the Hallmark store. Buy all our greeting cards for the year.

Help me.

Okay, do you wanna use the potty before we go?

-No. -Yeah, why would ya'?

-You seen your mother? -I think she had a hair appointment.

Aw, I was gonna take her. I told her like three times.

Well, she probably just got confused. You know us blondes.

Yeah.

-Where are you off to? -Mommy and Me class.

That sounds like fun.

Mind if I tag along?

-To Mommy and Me? -I got nothing goin' on.

Oh, well, m-maybe you should find something, that you do,

by yourself.

Hey, if you don't want me to come, just say it.

No, no, of course I want you to come. But we should check with CeeCee.

-Do you want Grandpa to come with us? -No.

Sorry.

-Hello. -Hey.

-Whatcha lookin' at? -Bird on the neighbor's feeder.

Oh yeah, I love that one.

-You know what kind? -No, I just call him Mr. Beakerton.

All the time you spend starin' out this window you never thought to look it up?

No. I just name them and make up stories about their lives.

Mr. Beakerton has never been the same since the war.

-Morning. -Hey.

-You know what kind of bird that is? -I don't.

But if you're interested I think I've got a book around here somewhere.

No, it's okay. So, what do we got goin' on today?

Don't move. I'll get it.

It flew away. That red bird chased it off.

Oh, yeah. Mrs. Featherly's been a real bitch since she lost her job.

I wish you wouldn't do that on the couch.

Well, I'm a grown-up, I can be careful.

Says the woman who accidentally got knocked up.

That was different. I was drunk.

-Hey. -Hey. Where you been?

I was just walking around the neighborhood.

With binoculars?

No, your mother gave me this bird book. I thought I'd try it out.

See anything interesting?

Actually, yes. Couple of blackbirds, a finch, some grackles.

-Did you see any hummingbirds? -In February? Please.

Where you goin'?

There's a checklist in the back of this book, I'm gonna make some checks.

So, he's a weird bird guy now?

He has a hobby and I had two hours to myself today.

You keep your big mouth shut.

There's one with blue feathers at the feeder.

-Rusty red throat, white belly? -Yeah.

Eastern Bluebird. Checked him off right out the gate.

Is it strange eatin' chicken now that you're all into birds?

Hadn't thought about it.

No.

Is it true that dinosaurs are related to birds?

Why?

Well, according to your ornithologists, yes. But... I have my own theories.

Weird.

I'll get it.

Hello, Officer, is everything okay?

Just giving everybody a heads-up,

there's been a pervert spotted in the neighborhood with binoculars.

Thank you so much for telling me this.

-You're happy about it? -No, no. No, of course not. Bye-bye now.

-Thanks. -Welcome.

This is nice, couple guys hangin' out,

drinkin' beer, talkin' about what have ya.

Give it a rest, I know Mandy put you up to this.

Look, she's just worried about you.

I wasn't peepin'.

That bird was on a windowsill, if anything it was the peeper.

-I know. It's just-- -I'm not a pervert!

Other than the police, no one said you were.

Everyone pushin' me to get a hobby. I got a hobby.

You are without blame.

You think I wanted to look at birds? I don't wanna look at birds.

-Well, then why did you? -The truth?

I'm so bored the highlight of my week is going to the grocery store.

I actually gave that deli guy my phone number.

-So you made a friend. -Yeah, well, he never called.

Just didn't think I'd miss work this much.

-Really? -Well, not all of it.

Not the stress or the long hours, but it'd be nice to have something,

you know, even part-time.

Well, you could be a greeter at Walmart.

"Hello, welcome to Walmart."

"Hello, welcome to Walmart."

I don't know, I'd rather work somewhere I could really contribute.

I'd even do it for free.

Hey, that stuffed bird up there, what kind is that?

A duck.

-Hey. How'd it go? -Kinda awkward actually.

He started hintin' at comin' back to the score part-time.

Well, that's a great idea. It'll get him out of the house

and women in the neighborhood can open their curtains again.

It's a terrible idea.

Why? He knows the business and you need the help.

He was my boss, it'll be weird tellin' him what to do.

My mom and I do it all the time, you'll love it.

Plus, it'll be uncomfortable for him,

havin' to be an employee at a place he used to own.

I know it'll take some getting used to but he really needs this.

-Fine. I'll talk to Ruben. -You're the best.

I'm only the best when I do what you want.

The system works.

-Hey, I need to ask you something. -Okay.

-Now feel free to say no. -That's how I'm leaning.

Mr. McAllister wants to come back part-time.

Great, love that guy.

So, is that a no?

-Why would it be? He want a lot of money? -No.

-So what's the problem? -Well, it's gonna make me uncomfortable.

Still not seeing a downside.

Please, Ruben, for me, just say no.

Hey, don't make me the bad guy.

If you don't want your father-in-law here, sack up and tell him.

-I got no problem with what. -Okay, then.

It's my wife I don't wanna tell.

-Hey. -Hi.

-You got a minute? -I'm pretty busy, so...

-I was thinking about finding a new hobby. -Great.

-Something we could do together. -Great.

-Maybe ballroom dancing. -Fun.

-Or fly-fishing. -Fun.

-Hey. -Hey!

Hi.

Mr. McAllister, me and Ruben were talkin',

how would you feel about helpin' out part-time at the store?

He'll do it!

-Keep in mind, it's Georgie's store now. -I know.

Well, even if you disagree, you just do what he says.

Yeah, I live with you, I know how this works.

He's doin' this for free, so show some appreciation.

I'm lettin' him do this. Maybe he should show some appreciation.

You mean like letting us live here?

If you're gonna win every time, I am done arguing with you.

Just remember, he's doing you a favor.

-Don't you mean he's doing you a favor? -A favor is being done!

Okay, don't forget he used to be the boss.

-I know. -This might be hard for him, so go easy.

What if it's hard for me?

Sweetheart. Suck it up.

-Morning! -Morning.

Look who's all dressed up for school.

Poured you some coffee, boss.

Please don't call me boss. Georgie's fine.

Georgie, got it.

Carpool or two cars?

Two cars. Hey, maybe you can pick up some donuts on the way in.

Sure.

Don't ask him to do that.

No, it's fine, he doesn't mind.

It's demeaning.

It's part of the job.

No, Georgie can get the donuts.

Your father is perfectly capable of getting the donuts.

Hey! Georgie's in charge. I'm gettin' the donuts. You go to work. Got it?

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Hey.

Mr. McAllister, it's good to have you back.

Thanks, Ruben, and please call me Jim.

Cool. And moving forward you can call me Mr. Alvarez.

Ruben's also a good fallback.

So where do you want me?

Garage, behind the counter, I could fix your display out front.

-I just set that up. -And it looks great.

-Mom? -In here.

-What are you doin'? -Enjoying a little me time.

Welcome.

Really? In the middle of the day?

Yeah.

Top me off.

Well, I see this is working out for you.

It is. It really is.

We did the right thing, didn't we? Gettin' Dad back to work.

Let me think about it.

Yeah.

I mean, Georgie was a little reluctant, I kinda bullied him into it.

Oh, honey, it's not bullying when you do it to your husband.

What would you call it?

Foreplay.

-Restocked the brake pads for ya'. -Oh, thanks.

Well, and while I was back where I updated your inventory.

-You didn't have to do that. -It's my pleasure.

No, you really didn't have to do that, it's all on the computer now.

Yeah. We just scan it with this and the computer orders more when we get low.

I didn't realize I was working at Star Wars.

It's actually saved us a lot of time. I can show you how it works.

Always happy to pick up a new skill.

Okay, so it's pretty simple. You click here to open the inventory program.

-What's happenin'? -It's opening the program.

Saving time already.

There we go. Then you wanna click "file," "input," "new," "item."

Whoa, whoa. Slow down.

Sorry, where do you want me to go back to?

Pen and paper.

This is easy, you'll get it.

-Where were we? -New item.

No, actually that was "new," then "item."

Unless it's an existing item, then you don't go to "new," you go to "add."

Then select "scan" and fire away.

Wow. Well, it's like livin' in the future.

Here, have a seat, give it a try.

-You sure? -Yeah. Relax, you can't hurt it.

"File." Click.

"Input." Click.

Startin' to miss birds.

-Yeah, it's good to see you, Jim. -Good to see you too.

I thought you was dead.

No, just retired.

-I sent flowers. -Really?

I didn't get 'em.

Well, you were dead. I gave 'em to Mandy.

You know, this place ain't been the same since you left.

Oh, that ain't true and you know it.

You know, when you was in charge the customer was always right.

He's a nice fella.

-We got a problem. -What's goin' on?

Somebody deleted the entire inventory.

Who?

Aw, man, it's all gone.

We're gonna have to re-enter everything.

What did you do?

I don't know. You said I couldn't hurt it.

Why would you tell him that?

I thought if I couldn't screw it up it was idiotproof.

-Hey! -I knew this was a bad idea.

Well, then why'd you ask me to come in?

Why do you think? Your daughter made me.

That's it. I'm gone.

-Well, now I feel terrible. -Me too.

Well, at least you don't have to go home and see him tonight.

That helps. Thanks.

-Hey, Dad, a mourning dove- -Nobody cares.

Still gonna name him.

One day? You couldn't make it one day?

Not my fault, my boss is a dick.

Hey, you're the one who screwed up.

Thirty years I ran that place, never had a problem with the inventory.

Well, computer worked fine till you got your mitts on it.

Those flowers were for my funeral.

I don't care who screwed up, but you two are going to shake hands and fix this

'cause I need you out of the house at least four days a week.

-Four? -Fine. Five.

I'm goin' with Trent Armstrong. There's a bird you don't mess with.

Georgie, please.

-I'm sorry for what I said. -Thanks.

I really do appreciate you tryin' to help us out.

Well, you know, there's an introduction to computer class over at the library.

-I was thinkin' maybe I'd sign up. -That'd be great.

Oh, if this one can learn how, I'm sure you can.

-True. -Yeah, I taught him, it was brutal.

"What's a function key?" "Why's the space bar so big?"

I am right here.

So it's all settled.

You two are gonna go back into the store tomorrow

and figure out how to work together.

-I'm not so sure that- -I'm not askin'.