Original subtitles

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can, spins a web, any size, catch his feet,

just like flies, look out, here comes the Spider-Man, is he strong, listen bud, he's

got radio, active blood, can you swing from a thread, take a look, overhead, hey there,

there goes a Spider-Man, in the chill of night, at the scene of a crime, like a street of

lights, he arrives just in time, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man,

welcome pain, he's ignored, action is his reward to him, life is a great big pain, wherever

there's a pain, you'll find the Spider-Man.

It was a normal evening in the city, people went about their business in an ordinary way,

just another Saturday night, big night, so far chief, sales are really piling up, I got

$10,000 in the cash box, let me have it, well take that buddy, yeah, we're collecting pretty

Yeah, King Arthur. Gee, I read something about him once, all about the knights and the round table and how they went around, knocking off robbers.

Hey, no kidding. I'm glad it's only a play. Come on, let's scream.

Yeah, boss. You'll never get away with this, ya thieves.

Oh, yeah? Who's gonna stop us?

There ain't no knights in China around anymore, Pop.

Hold, Vollets!

Boss. Boss! Do you see what I say?

Afraid I do. Are we going nuts or what?

What the... Who is that guy?

I am Knight Sir Gallahad of the Table Round, good citizen.

My liege, Lord King Arthur, commands me to battle evil doers with my sword and shining lungs.

He's a screwball. Get Arthur there, ya bum.

I'll take that ill cousin, Lucio, fire on his strength.

Many eyes watch the fantastic figure in shining armor hold at bay two armed hoodlums,

including our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, who patrols the city streets from the sky every night, on the watch for crime.

Another dull evening, nothing much doing in midtown.

Guess I can knock off and get to my over.

Hello? What's going on in front of that theater?

Holy cats, can I believe my eyes?

A guy in old-fashioned armor fighting a couple of hold-up men?

I better get down closer.

Okay, sucker, you asked for it.

He knocked 'em out. That Lancersphere, or whatever it is, is electrified.

Once again, good triumphs over evil.

Farewell, citizens.

Hey, that's my money, ya...

Hold that iron hand.

Fucking Sikhs, have Mervin the Magician conjured up a fantastic spirit to oppose me?

A unique god like a doer spider.

But ye and verily, my shining lance shall conquer all who stand in my path.

So perish all evil doers.

Now to summon my trusty steed and be gone.

A clean getaway. No hope of catching up with him now.

But we'll meet again, my tin-plated friend.

Hold it, Spider-Man!

I better get out of here before they pin this job on me.

Look at that!

The globe gets a pick of Spider-Man's latest crime, and where were you, Parker?

I was, uh, kinda tied up at the time, Chief.

Never mind. Forget the excuses.

I don't know why I keep you on the payroll, Parker.

Every time Spider-Man pulls one of his fantastic crimes, you are busy somewhere else.

Why, Ollie?

Huh? Spider-Man? But, Chief, I understood it was some screwball

dressed up like a knight in shining armor. Sir Galahan.

Nah! That knight nonsense is probably just a publicity stunt for the play King Arthur.

Nobody goes around in a suit of armor anymore!

It was Spider-Man behind the whole thing!

Nobody goes around in armor, eh? Well, I hope you're right, Chief.

If that joker in the steel suit turns up again, I'll prove that I'm innocent.

Hey, speak of the devil.

Hey, Joe! Take a look back there!

Am I seeing things, or are we being chased by a knight in shining armor?

Huh? Did that say something? What? You're right.

That he's gaining on us.

Yeah? Why a fixed act?

Steady, my trusty steed.

Villains are attempting to grace us, and I shall foil our schemes.

Ha-ha! Fowlats!

There's useless to attempt to flee from the strong handle of justice.

But now I will take your stolen treasure.

What? A spider demon again? Have at you vile miscreant!

Your questing days are just about over, you cannibaloni.

Take that, sorcerer!

But I've been called a ducky before, but never quite so visually.

Gotta get loose of this sign before that screw ball in the tin suit gets away again.

What? Where did he... got away again, blasted?

Why do I gotta be one of the good guys and knock myself silly chasing crooks?

Oh, well. Time to call it a day.

Hi, Betty. House tricks?

Peter! Oh, my, Mr. Jameson's been looking all over for you.

You better go in his office right away.

Uh-oh. Sounds like I'm in trouble again.

Yes, Shelby. Okay, I got that. Parker, I've been looking for you.

Uh, no, no. Go ahead, Shelby. Right. Right, I got it. Good story.

Museum trustees return to city on noon boat, dock 24, with rare treasure.

A sword believed to have once belonged to famous King Arthur of legend.

Right. Right! Now, when does the ship get in?

What's that? Sword of King Arthur? Pure what?

Right. Ship docks at 12 noon today.

What's the number of that pier again?

What's the number of the pier again? Oh, yeah. Dock 24.

Uh-huh. Okay, cover it at your end and we'll save front-page space. Right. So long.

Now, Parker, where the de... huh. I could've sworn.

No! That kid is driving me nuts!

Got to get down to the waterfront before noon.

Well, here we are. And I still got a couple of minutes to go.

Everything looks quiet enough.

There, the museum official's all right.

And they've got what looks like a sword in a box.

But still no sign of that cast-iron crackpot.

Huh? What's that?

A showdown time. But if I let that canned ham get away again...

What? You again? Get souks, parlors!

This time you shall taste my steel!

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Ooh! That tin-plated trickster has more gadgets up his iron sleeve than you can shake a web at.

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has a few tricks, too.

You know what they say, fella. Night must fall.

Look, the box containing the sword. It will sink.

Relax, Professor. Here you are.

Just like landing a flounder.

And hey, what's this?

Hey, this flounder is already canned!

Everyone loves a parade, they say. And I guess I'm no exception.

Especially when I can combine business with pleasure.

Peter Parker is supposed to cover the holiday parade.

But as Spider-Man, he should be able to get some shots that ought to make Peeve and old J. Jonah Jameson happy.

Hey, how about that? Gotta swing in for a closer shot.

Old Jameson had never believed it without photographic proof.

We ought to get some great shots from here.

Oh, oh, here comes the queen of the parade, that movie star, Rochelle Wells.

I'll need some good pics of her and that jewel collection she's wearing to promote her next film.

Wearing one million dollars worth of diamonds in public

ought to be worth a million in publicity for her studio.

But I hope it doesn't buy trouble in the bargain.

That's a terrific temptation for every crook in the city.

The balloon is up any second now.

This should be a gas.

She makes it easy for us.

Quickly, my lads, relieve the lady of her burden of voodoo.

Hi, Chief. What a haul.

Holy smoke, I can't see a thing. I'd better get down there fast.

Got to find Ms. Wells' float.

Ah, there she is.

What happened? Are you all right, Ms. Wells?

What? Oh, Spider-Man.

Oh, how they took my jewels.

There they go, the clown and the two thugs.

I see them. Don't worry, Ms. Wells. They won't get away with this.

Just trust your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Beautiful, boys. Just beautiful.

Precision climbing and teamwork, it never fails.

In the melee, no one noticed our departure.

And with prevailing winds and a cloud cover, our getaway is assured.

Yeah, I got to hand it to you, Doc.

You covered all bets.

Automatic timing devices on the release valves of the balloons,

the colored smoke screen, it's except one.

Spider-Man!

Well, well. So the corpulent clown is none other than Dr. Humperding Dumpty,

master thief and despair of Weight Watchers, Incorporated.

Get him, boys.

And I left this here.

Doc! Doc! Here he comes again! What'll we do?

Do? Why wait? The ballast!

We'll simply get rid of some excess baggage for boys like so.

Hey! Dirty fool!

Nice!

This makes our day, hey, Lance, a million-dollar haul

and an end to Spider-Man in the bargain.

Delightful, delightful indeed.

Just one chance.

Now I know what it's like to be saved by Spider-Man.

Thanks, old buddy.

Well, round one goes to you, Doc, but round two's coming up,

and it'll be Humpty Dumpty's turn to have a great fall.

Good. I've done it.

A good education comes in handy sometimes.

A little of this IBP and one of my web shooters,

and I'll have a surprise up my sleeve for Dr. Dumpty the next time we meet.

And if my hunch is right, it will be tonight at the...

Tonight at the Caesar Astolia Hotel,

the prize will be the mask of Don Del Oro.

Pure gold and worth a fortune.

The Ambassador of Venezuela will host the affair,

which is to be a masquerade ball.

The mask and other priceless artifacts will be on display.

Gee, Doc, hadn't we ought to lay low for a while

after the parade caper this morning?

Indeed. Why, my boy?

The audacity of two such monumental criminal strokes of genius in one day

appeals to me.

How will we pull it off, Doc?

The place will be crawling with fuzz.

If all goes according to plan,

we have little to fear from the minions of the law,

and now that Spider-Man is out of the way, success is assured.

Spider-Man? You mean he's dead? You scrank him? Aww!

Surely you are not distressed by the demise of that annoying arachnid...

Jack-in-the-box, my dear?

Oh, gee, I guess not,

but he was kind of cute in his red and blue Dr. Denton's and all.

Never mind that. Now, Bubbles, here's the plan.

We will meet at...

Lucky for me, this is a costume ball.

I'm as inconspicuous as the next guest, even with my Spider-Man outfit.

I hope my hunch is right about this being the place Dr. Dutton will strike next.

Oops! Pardon me, miss.

Whoops! Spider-Man! I thought you were dead!

Dead? What do you mean, miss?

I mean, Doc said you were... demolished or something.

Well, what's your connection with Dr. Dumpty?

All right, what's in that bag you're carrying?

Gas mask. Okay, where's the doc?

Uh-oh, this is it.

Look!

It's Dr. Dumpty!

Sorry, miss. I'll have to borrow this for a while.

Not so fast, Doc.

You! Curse us! Run for it, lads! We're all done!

You're a slippery character, Doc. What you boys need is some I.B.P.

Oh, old! It's instant banana peel!

Oh! Can't stand up!

Grab those two. It's been a lovely party, but I really must go.

Ta-ta, everybody!

Oh, no, he's not going to slip through my fingers again with one of those infernal balloon devices.

Let me borrow that for a minute.

Got to stop him before he frees himself!

Confounded!

Can't see!

Gotcha!

Touche, Doc!

Well, Rochelle, Dr. Dumpty and his gang have been captured.

Your diamonds have been recovered, and your new film seems assured of becoming another success.

Perhaps you have a footnote you'd like to add.

Well, yes. I'd just like to thank Spider-Man for his role in the recovery of the gyms,

and to tell him if he's listening that he can play the spider to my Miss Muffet anytime.

Peter! What ever's the matter with you?

Uh...

You'd never believe it if I told you so. Believe me.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man

Does whatever a spider can

Spins a web, any size

Catch his feet, just like guys look out

Here comes the Spider-Man

Is he strong? Listen, bud

He's got radioactive blood

Can you swing from a thread?

Take a look overhead

Hey there, there goes a Spider-Man

In the chill of night at the scene of a crime

Like a street of lights, he arrives just in time

Spider-Man, Spider-Man

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man

Well contained, he's ignored

Action is his reward to him

Life is a great big hang-up

Wherever there's a hang-up

You'll find a Spider-Man