Original subtitles

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can, spins a web any size, catch his feet,

just like flies, look out, here comes the Spider-Man.

Is he strong? Listen, Doug, he's got radio, active blood, can you swing from a thread?

Take a look, overhead, hey there, there goes a Spider-Man.

In the chill of night, at the scene of a crime, like a street of lights, he arrives just in time.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, welcome fame, he's ignored,

action is his reward to him. Life is a great big pain, wherever there's a pain, you'll find a Spider-Man.

Now, the final test. Yes, this should make it palatable. Brutus? Breakfast, my pet?

Yes, drink it down, drink it all down, my pet. Let your hunger tell me I have unlocked the power I so yearn to taste.

Look Brutus, it's true in Mesa City.

For years, five Dr. Vespasian have labored with lesser discoveries.

Laser beam bank raise, capable of smashing the strongest safe door, making for fast, easy withdrawal with my money madness.

All mere child's play compared to this invisible scene.

Our transparent condition will better suit the performances of our unsightly deeds.

Expected guests, good. I will call you when I need you.

Spider-Man, I came as soon as I got your message, Mr. Mayor.

Yes, I'm afraid we have need of your special talents again. Mr. Sloat represents the interests of the banking community.

And I tell you, we're getting fed up with all these robberies lately. Bank balls melting away, money disappearing, no culprits brought to justice.

We don't have any clues. These crimes follow a completely new procedure.

And I'm afraid it's going to get worse before it gets better. What does he mean by that?

It means from all the evidence that a great brain has joined the forces of crime. That's why we called you in. We want you to pit your skills against his.

But who is he? This invisible brain?

Yes, invisible! Wow! Who are you? Boy!

And yes, my criminal colleagues, I propose to cut you all in on the fruits of my latest discovery.

Wait a minute, Dr. Bespasian. Yes, Duke? It's us who was cutting you in.

Ain't we paid for your lab? Sit you up with chemicals? You was taking orders from us.

My dear Mr. Duke, all that's been changed around now.

Oh, yeah? I'm changing it back. Brutus?

Get them off of me, Brutus. That will be enough. I believe, Mr. Duke.

Yeah, you're the bar stock. Very well. Our target for tonight is Spider-Man. His total destruction is our ultimate goal.

Yeah, but how do we do it? Very simple. We bait a trap. And when he bites, we bite.

All quiet there, but...

This must be the place.

Holy cat! Brutus! No!

Okay, boss, he's on his way. Brutus, get ready.

Holy cat! Brutus! Pow!

Time to lift.

Maybe it was better when I couldn't see what I was up against.

Thus another bank was robbed last night, and once more, the thieves made a clean getaway.

All that remained behind were signs of a great struggle and tattered fragments of Spider-Man's uniform.

Which leaves us to believe the world may have seen the last of the intrepid webbed wonder.

This on the day the crown jewels of Fancipore arrive in the city, presently under heavy guard at the third Tibetan bank.

I predict the guard won't be heavy either.

I second the motion. With Spider-Man out of the way, the whole city's avoiced a bus.

Quite so. I'd give anything to see the man's frightened face now.

And he'd give anything to see yours.

Frankly, I'm frightened.

Soon I have a feeling he may show up tonight.

You can bet he will. What's to stop him?

Yes. That story of your demise, plus the arrival of the crown jewels, is sure to embolden him.

That's the plan. You've done as I asked.

Your instructions have been followed. My men have been installing the apparatus all day.

Though what you want with an ice cream truck in a bank vault is purely beyond me.

You've heard of Custard's last stand?

What did he mean by that?

I suspect we're in the right place.

What did he mean by that?

I suspect we're going to find out.

See anything, Riley?

Not at all, sir. Nobody pass this way.

Sleeping on the job.

If I'm not mistaken, here lies the commodity of the Orient.

Guess again. Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

You! In the flesh.

That can be eliminated.

Time to sweeten your disposition.

Try a little whipped cream.

You miserable wretch!

Don't like whipped cream?

Try a little custard.

Frozen!

Quiet!

Thought you'd like that. The boys worked so hard to surprise you.

Oh, but there's more.

Coconut custard cream.

Chocolate flavored syrup, pistachio.

Vanilla!

And, of course, no Sunday is complete without the sprinkle.

He's in the sink, and he's getting closer.

That should hold him for a while.

We picked up the rest of his gang around the corner.

You sure begged him right.

Once his dog showed us to the invisibility gimmick,

I figured his master played the same game.

Yes, I must say you're an orthodox leopard certainly crossed his plans.

Well, I guess you could say we creamed him.

Oh!

Saturday night, look at those crowds.

The theater sure do a big business.

But me, I just like to sit back and soak up the night.

Boy, look at that moon.

Holy conflagration.

It's the end of the world.

Easy, easy, big boy.

Losing consciousness.

Very dizzy.

Sleep coming on.

No good.

Can't fight it.

Got to hang on.

I predict my first Broadway run will be a huge success.

He has a huge success.

Let our first Broadway run commence.

Broadway won't soon forget the successful first run of the Scots.

What happened?

What happened?

What happened?

Yes, that's the question people all over the city are asking this morning.

What happened?

The great pinwheel vanished just as suddenly as it appeared.

And while confusion and panic rained in the streets,

every theater on Broadway was fleeced.

The hall was enormous.

But not absolutely enormous if I will make tonight.

I trust the invitation as to tonight's op-art show have all been addressed.

Yes.

Delivered.

Yes.

Accepted.

Yes.

Excellent.

Mrs. Handelrocks and her ubiquitous gem will be in attendance.

Her fabulous Esmerald Emerald is as good as in my pocket.

Scarf, you're an artist.

Yeah.

Who would have thought to use a psychedelic projector

to paint pictures on the sky and panic the city out of their paintjacks?

Yeah, boy.

I predict that feat will pale tonight.

Listen, the newly discovered and coveted Esmerald Emerald

is the most valuable stone on earth.

And Mrs. Handelrocks, its proud processor, is an incurable art devotee.

Surely she'll wear it to our off exhibit.

And just as surely we will artfully cop it.

And her friends not wishing to be unglamorously undone.

We'll likewise come laden with old mailer of glitter.

Once we will auspiciously accept.

Interesting technique, isn't it, Peter?

Yes, very lifelike, Polly.

Gee, I'm glad you got off ticket.

Lately, I'm interested in all kinds of optical illusions.

Yes, at the precise moment when the gathering is complete,

the artist promises an effect,

an optical illusion that will leave the audience breathless.

Well, what are they waiting for?

Mrs. Handelrocks, the guest of honor.

Well, we won't have to wait long.

Here she is.

And wearing the Esmeralden emerald.

Oh, what I wouldn't do for a rock like that.

Some people would do anything.

Rock and dust.

I always wanted to go straight.

You've bagged your last bubble.

Now I bag you.

Oh, yeah?

How is this for an exit?

Hmm, pretty good.

But I wonder if he knows where he's going.

Well, I'll wipe that smile off his face.

What the--

Surprise.

Well, you were right to alert us.

The Esmeralden emerald and all that other glitter

made us suspicious enough.

But when we saw that shoot rigged up to their truck,

we decided to play along.

Lucky I spotted it this afternoon.

It was simple enough to stretch our net where their truck was,

and we bagged the whole bunch coming out.

Where am I?

I see stars.

Right.

How's that for an optical illusion?

From a thread, take a look.

Overhead, hey there.

There goes a Spider-Man.

In the chill of night, at the scene of a crime,

like a street of lights, he arrives just in time.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Well-contained, he's ignored.

Action is his reward to him.

Life is a great big pain.

Wherever there's a pain, you'll find a Spider-Man.