Original subtitles

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can, spins a web any size, catch a steeze,

just like flies, look out, here comes a Spider-Man, is he strong, listen bud, he's got radio,

active blood, can you swing from a thread, take a look, overhead, hey there, there goes a Spider-Man,

in the chill of night, at the scene of a crime, like a street of lights, he arrives just in time,

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, welcome fame, he's ignored,

action is his reward to him, life is a great big pain, wherever there's a pain, you'll find a Spider-Man.

Who goes there?

Help! That came from a freighter.

Knocked out, and my spider sense tells me whoever did it,

wallop and web snappers, but it looks like Blackbeard the pirate, island lover, now taste my steel.

Uh-huh, how's that for a clean blow of the cutlass my lad, you're pretty good with that thing,

how are you without it?

It's a sharp eye you have, but I have a pretty good eye myself.

He's gone, or was I seeing things? It wasn't for this lump in my head, I think I was,

well that's no dream anyway, E-T, it would teach, that was Blackbeard's real name.

Here's a treasure in jade for you, have you ever seen a more hearty haul?

Well done Blackbeard, well done, any trouble?

All when as smooth as a calm sea, except for that Spider-Man.

My old friend Spider-Man, eh, not even he can stop my master plan, just think of it,

history's greatest villains, all prepared to follow my orders, whose riches shall we remove tonight?

A bank perhaps, this calls for the greatest bank robber of all time,

it's your turn Jesse James, so one more thing, if Spider-Man should try to interfere, shoot to kill.

What do you mean what else? A fortune in jade was stolen from that ship,

isn't that enough? Yes sir, but...

But what Parker?

Mr. Jameson, if you'll only give him a chance he'll tell you what.

Well, Parker, I was just wondering, was there any mention of a pirate?

A pirate? Parker, when you finish this assignment, you'd better take a vacation.

I was just thinking the same thing sir.

Maybe my imagination was working overtime last night, in that fog anyone could be mistaken

for Blackbeard, anyone? Who am I kidding? Only Blackbeard himself could look like that.

Maybe Jameson's right, I do need a...

Uh-oh, you wouldn't be thinking of robbing that bank, would you cowboy?

James is the name, pardner, Jesse James, and you wouldn't be thinking of trying to stop me,

would you? That's exactly what I'm thinking.

All right, we'll play it fair and square, a real western showdown.

On the count of three, draw. One, two, three.

Put your hands up, Spider-Man. But it was Jesse James.

Now I've heard everything. He ducked behind that car.

You're losing your grip, Spider-Man. It was you who hit me over the head and...

Hey, what are you doing?

I've had enough guns for one night.

Spider-Man attempts bank robbery. Isn't that beautiful?

No, it isn't. Spider-Man wouldn't do such a thing.

Oh no, well he was caught red-handed by the watchman.

But what about Jesse James? The watchman said Spider-Man said...

That no good Spider-Man will go to any length to blame someone else.

If you believe that wild story, Parker, I know you need a vacation.

I will not tolerate any more failures. You fail to get rid of Spider-Man.

I must get rid of that interfering web shooter once and for all.

And who could do the job better than the executioner of Paris?

Three. My talents were perfected before the guillotine. I never failed.

How come I'm the only one in New York who sees these outdated villains?

Nothing but nothing could surprise me.

Did I say nothing?

Wallop and web slappers, I've got it.

My turn now.

Secondly, I have never failed.

There's always a first time.

Do not touch me.

Yep, just as I thought. Wax.

Parafino's Wax Museum. It looks deserted, but I'll bet my webbing ease at it again.

Doesn't look like anyone's been here for years.

How nice of you to drop in, Spider-Man.

Parafino, so I was right. Here are some more old acquaintances of yours.

Nothing personal, fellas, but...

My control box, you've destroyed it.

And put your robotized dummies out of action.

I don't need them to put you out of action, Spider-Man.

You make a great wall fixture, Parafino.

Some day, Spider-Man, I'll get you.

Good morning, Miss Brandt.

Good morning, Mr. Jameson.

Help! Help! Don't shoot!

Mr. Jameson, what's wrong?

Please, Mr. James, please, Mr. Pirate, put away your weapons.

Mr. Jameson, they're only dummies, but this one's alive.

And here's a note. These asauric villains brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Miss Brandt, call my travel agency.

I think I need a vacation.

It sure is quiet tonight, almost too quiet.

At least it was. It's the museum of art.

Seems we have an over-enthusiastic art lover in our midst.

Come on, Spidey boy, get hold of yourself.

You're not seeing things. It's nothing. Just a centaur stealing a Greek vase.

Happens all the time in New York.

You shouldn't horse around with such valuable stuff.

Next to it, roping and tying.

Wallop and web snappers.

How come Parker's never around when I meet him?

But, Mr. Jameson, you told him he could take the day off and...

Never mind what I told him, Miss Brandt.

Find Parker and tell him to get over to the museum.

Vandalism, that's what it is. Teenage vandalism.

Jameson here.

Absolutely not.

I'm interested in you. It's not a lofty subject like mythology.

And that's final.

You will be, Mr. Jameson, before I'm through.

You'll be begging for my call among mythology.

It's your turn, Cyclops.

You will succeed where the centaur fails.

And if Spider-Man gets in your way, you know what to do.

We will force our reluctant publisher to take notice of us.

Now, go!

A creature right out of mythology,

trying to steal an ancient Greek vase.

It's got to mean something.

My spider sense.

Danger. Cyclops.

Hey, you got the wrong guy.

I'm not Ulysses.

Good shot, Cyclops, but I'm over here.

Gone.

Well, we didn't see eye to eye anyway.

Another failure.

I will allow no one, not even Spider-Man,

to interfere with my plans.

There must be one I could summon who could dispose of Spider-Man.

Oh, I have it.

Spider-Man will not escape you.

My spider sense tells me there's danger here.

It's telling me to duck, wallop, and whip snappers.

I promise Spider-Man, straight and true will this arrow fly.

Wait a minute, lady.

She may not be for real, but these arrows are.

You cannot escape me, mortal, for I am Diana,

goddess of the hunt.

Come on and quit yourself of this hopeless struggle.

She must be kidding.

Now you see him, now you don't.

Someone is back at these mythological menaces,

and I'm going to find out who.

Somebody broke into the Stonefeller mansion

and stole his statuette.

Now, who'd want an ugly thing like that?

Sir Barris, the mythological watchdog of Hades.

If the Stonefellers had a watchdog like that,

he wouldn't have to worry about thieves.

No, I'm still not interested in a daily column on mythology,

and that's final.

Miss Brandt, if that woman calls again, I'm out.

What woman?

Some used book dealer. I miss trouble.

And she's one woman who lives up to her name.

Diana was standing in front of this store.

I should have realized.

What an interesting coincidence.

Oh, there goes my spider sense.

What can I do for you, young man?

I'm from the Daily Pugil,

and Mr. Jameson tells me you are an authority on mythology,

and we'd like--

You tell your publisher if he wants to talk business,

he'll have to come to me personally.

But I--

I will talk to no one but J. Jonah Jameson.

But Miss Trouble?

Now go.

I wonder why she reminds me of old J. Jonah Jameson.

Identical. Even the tail is broken in the same place.

That means Miss Trouble has stolen the statuette.

This calls for another visit to Trouble's Book Corner,

but this time as Spider-Man.

Closed.

Not to this customer.

Here comes your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

I love animals, but this is too much.

As long as I can get them before they get me, it's okay,

but that was too close.

My spider sense tells me I'm getting warm.

The chest will do you no good Spider-Man.

Only I have the magic key.

Don't tell me you've got Pandora's box.

You know too much for your own good.

Can't help it. I'm a curious spider.

Very well.

I shall satisfy your curiosity.

But you will never live to tell about it.

Who's your friend?

Great Vulcan, God of Fire.

Imprison him.

A gift from the gods, mortal.

Excellent Vulcan.

Now finish him.

You must not fail me.

The chest.

It's my only hope.

The chest, Vulcan.

The chest.

Blow hard.

Now shall I finish him.

My books, my precious books.

Back Vulcan, back into the chest.

I command you.

Boy, you cannot command the gods.

The chest.

Let me save you the trouble, Miss Trouble.

So this is what's meant by out of the frying pan into the fire.

She's the one responsible for the stone fella theft.

And here's the statue.

You'll probably get a medal for this, Spider-Man.

All in a night's work, Officer.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man.

Does whatever a spider can.

Spins a web any size.

Catch his feet, just like flies.

Look out.

Here comes the Spider-Man.

Is he strong?

Listen, bud.

He's got radio active blood.

Can you swing from a thread?

Take a look overhead.

Hey there, there goes the Spider-Man.

In the chill of night, at the scene of a crime.

Like a street of lights, he arrives just in time.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man.

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Well contained, he's ignored.

Action is his reward to him.

Life is a great big bang up.

Wherever there's a hang up, you'll find the Spider-Man.