Original subtitles

\hNARRATOR: Last season on Wings.

W-What're you gonna do?

I'm gonna do my music full time. I'm going to New York.

Now, Helen, you have not even thought this thing through.

No, I haven't, and that's what feels so good, Joe.

Every musician worth his salt has to take a shot at New York.

If I can make it there, I can make it any... Well, you know.

(PLANE ENGINES WHIRRING)

Please stay.

I can't. But thank you for asking.

I love you.

I love you, too.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

(RINGING)

Hello. HELEN: Oh, good, I caught you.

Uh, I know it's been a long time,

and I've been meaning to call you, but I've just been so busy and everything.

Well, this time I decided to dial the phone the minute I thought of it.

I hope that's okay.

Is that okay?

Who is this?

This is Helen. I thought you'd recognize my voice.

Oh, I do. I do. W-W-Where are you?

I'm in New York.

Well, are you okay?

I mean, it's, uh, it's 3:30.

Oh, yeah, I'm... Oh, I'm sorry. I woke you up, didn't I?

No, no.

So, how's everything?

Everything's good. Good.

And you? Very good.

Good. Must mean everything is...

Good. Good.

You know, comin' to New York was definitely the right thing to do.

You know, the music, the people, the atmosphere and energy.

I just love it.

I sure miss talkin' to you, Joe.

Yeah, it's been a long time.

Well, um, I'll, uh, let you get back to sleep.

(STUTTERING) Good. No, I mean, uh,

it was, uh, it was good talking to you, and, uh,

thanks for calling and all.

Sure. Well, uh, bye then.

Right. Bye.

Joe? Who was that?

Nobody you know, honey. Okay.

Go back to sleep.

(SIGHS)

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

May I have your attention, please?

Sandpiper Air flight 26 from Boston

will be arriving shortly through gate number 1.

Those of you meeting newcomers to Nantucket

might want to take them to our whaling museum

where you can see a whale's jawbone nearly two stories high.

You'd think a fish bone that big would smell bad,

but it doesn't.

Lowell, what do you have in the thermos?

Oh, it's fresh brewed coffee, Fay.

Really? I haven't had a decent cup of coffee since Helen left.

Oh, this is no ordinary coffee.

This is a special blend from a very small plantation

on the south side of the Kona coast.

Sounds wonderful. Can we try it?

Oh, my pleasure.

Yeah, I think you're gonna enjoy this.

I examine each bean individually for color and texture,

hand-grind them all,

and I brew with only bottled water. That's the key, of course.

Oh, sounds as if you've thought of everything.

I have.

(BOTH SPITTING)

Lowell,

there are grounds in here. Your filter must have broken.

Filter?

I swear you've got the IQ of a ripe summer squash.

Just what is that supposed to mean?

Oh, uh, now, now, dear, I'm sure he meant it in the best possible way.

Everyone knows the squash is the smartest of all the vegetables.

Oh, thanks, Roy.

Okay, okay, so, Father, what--what you're saying to me

is that no matter what I've done my whole life,

if I confess all my sins sincerely at the very last minute,

I'm home free?

Well, technically, yes. Uh-huh.

But I'd like to think you'd... That's great. Thank you very much.

It's excellent. Excellent, your Excellency.

Thank you very much. Hey, Joe!

Brian, I need, I... Joe, Joe, I think I found a loophole

in this whole heaven-hell thing.

Wait till you hear this, okay?

Later. Listen, I really need your advice.

You want my advice? You never want my advice.

This happens to be a really sensitive issue,

and you're the only person I can talk to about this.

Oh, so you stumbled into my special area of expertise, did you?

My bailiwick, as it were.

Well, I guess there are some things you just can't discuss with just anyone.

Which is fine, Joe, that's fine,

but I--I think I really need to tell you at the outset

that I really don't have the faintest idea what I'm talking about.

I heard from Helen last night.

You're kidding me. So, just out of the blue like that?

I was as surprised as you were.

I... She was, well, kind of fishing around

about where our relationship stood.

Oh, oh, oh. Wow.

So, uh, what'd she say when you told her about Gail, huh?

She... She, uh, uh...

You didn't tell her about Gail, did you?

Oh, I was going to. I really was. I--I had an opening and...

But you just couldn't be honest, could you, Joe?

I'm very surprised at you. That is so... me.

Brian, please, you are the only person I can trust.

(TELEPHONE RINGING) All right, all right, all right.

Now, Joe, about this business with Helen.

You definitely should tell her about Gail. She deserves to know.

Oh, so--so you went to Fay for advice over your own brother?

Well, I... That's good.

Well, how do you think I felt?

He asked Lowell before he asked me.

(PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING) Lowell?

Hackett, I've been giving this Helen problem of yours some thought.

Oh, come on!

What Helen doesn't know won't hurt her.

The ignorant broad's the happy broad.

Hello, National Organization for Women?

I have a man here who needs to be neutered.

Now, now, let's not dismiss Roy too quickly.

He may just have a point here.

No, no, no, that... I see what's happening now.

You're just desperate to find somebody,

anybody, who'll tell you that it's okay not to tell Helen about Gail.

And that's a bad thing, right?

Joe, Helen deserves to know.

Gee, Brian, I was kind of countin' on you to tell me to do the weasely thing.

Any other woman and I'd be there for you. You know that.

But this is Helen.

Yeah, of course, you're right. You're right.

But it--it's a moot point.

I don't even know where she is.

I don't even have her address.

Oh, I do. She sent me a birthday card.

Thanks, Fay.

Oh, well, I guess I'd better go in the office right now and drop her a note.

No, no, no, no. Helen deserves to be told face-to-face.

I'll tell you what. I will go with you.

We can make it tomorrow afternoon after the Hyannis run.

Well, uh, all right. I guess so.

Great. It's settled then.

Yeah, we'll fly to New York,

we'll drop the hammer on her, maybe catch a show.

You know, make an evening of it.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(CHATTERING)

BRIAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm getting really tired of walkin' around lookin' for this address.

I just want to find Helen, tell her about me and Gail and go home.

Wait, Joe. Joe, here it is.

Here it is. Here's the address right here.

This can't be where Helen works.

The manager at her building must have made a mistake.

No, that was her neighbor.

The manager was the guy hosing the chalk outline off the front steps.

Girls! Nude girls! Totally nude girls!

Gee, my three favorite things.

There's no way that Helen would work in a place like this.

Of course not!

I'll tell you what. Why don't we just go inside, sit down,

and berate ourselves for even thinking such a thing.

Well, I could use a soda.

That's it, son. Go on in. Don't be shy.

(CHUCKLES) "Totally Nude Nudes".

I mean, that--that--that's the stupidest sign I ever...

What--What the hell is a nude nude?

I just found out. Hurry.

(CROWD HOOTING)

You know, I think I figured out why they have naked women in here.

So you don't notice how really scuzzy this place is.

Are you kiddin'? I'm thinkin' of doin' my room over like this.

Excuse me, Ma'am. Uh, we'd like a couple of drinks, please.

Sure, boys, comin' right up.

(SCREAMS) Oh!

Helen?

Joe! Brian! What're you doing here?

We came here to see you. And see you we have.

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have called you.

Helen, I don't get it.

On--On the phone you said everything was goin' so well and...

What? It is. Everything's fine.

But this place is a--a--a...

I mean, couldn't--couldn't you find a job playing your cello?

Well, as a matter of fact, I had a job just last month.

I was the sound of headache pain in an aspirin commercial.

God, Helen, I... It just... It really kills me

to see you workin' in a place like this. Got any singles, Joe?

Look, Helen, I--I--I know that the music business is tough,

but surely you could've... You--You could have, uh...

Could have what? Huh?

Oh--Oh, you--you could have found a job

in a better place than this rat-hole.

This place is a dive!

Couldn't agree more.

It's not that bad. I mean, the tips are great,

and the girls are pretty nice,

and I meet a lot of interesting people from out of town.

Yeah, but, Helen, what about your dream?

You were going to be a concert musician.

Well, Joe, I got an offer from the New York Philharmonic,

but I figured it'd be more fulfilling

to hawk drinks in a skin palace.

Helen...

Joe, success does not happen overnight. It takes time. You know?

I--I'm fine. I really am.

I'm happy.

Well, if you're happy, I'm happy.

Look, Helen, the, uh, the real reason I came here...

Look at me, Joe, I'm not happy at all!

I came here to make beautiful music

and I am servin' boilermakers in hot pants.

I'm a mess. I'm broke. And I hate it here.

I just called you because I was desperate for a friendly voice.

Oh, Helen, it's all right. It's okay, Helen. Everything's going to be all right.

Oh, Joe, I'm too embarrassed to go home.

I--I just can't face anybody.

MAN: Hey, sweetcakes, how about some service over here?

Uh, I don't work here, and don't call me sweetcakes.

How did you wind up here?

I don't know. I met a flutist at an audition

and she told me about this place.

MAN: I'm gettin' thirsty!

Try keepin' some of that saliva in your mouth, buddy.

Look, Helen, you can't stay here.

You've gotta just chalk this up to experience

and come home with us where you belong.

Helen, he's right. Everybody wants to see you back behind the lunch counter,

especially wearing those fishnet stockings.

What about you, Joe? Do you-- Do you want me to come back?

Are you kiddin'? Didn't I just say that?

MAN: Hey, how about some service?

I'd better go take care of him.

MAN: Come on, honey. Move it!

All right, all right! Keep your pants on!

And I mean that literally.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Now, Joe, I--I know you just told Helen

that you wanted her to come back,

and it's true, I have been a tad distracted, but...

I'd almost swear that Gail's name hasn't come up once.

Brian, you know how proud Helen is. If I tell her about Gail now,

she'll never leave this hellhole.

I'll tell her when we get back to Nantucket.

That's a good idea, and when you're through,

send my clothes and forward my mail.

I'm staying here.

Hey, everybody, we brought back a surprise from New York.

Oh, I hope it's not another Cats T-shirt.

Ta-da!

(ALL CLAMORING)

(HELEN WHISTLES)

All right, all right, all right

I've got an announcement to make.

(PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING) And I'm only gonna say this once.

New York sucked.

It was terrible. My life was terrible. My job was terrible.

I lived in a terrible rat-infested apartment building.

It was the absolute low point of my existence,

and I don't want to ever, ever, ever, ever talk about that city again.

Okay, any questions?

Did you see any good shows?

The only show I saw was a man peeing on 42nd Street.

Is that the new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical?

No, but if anyone could put it to music, he could.

Helen, uh, now that you're back,

does this mean I don't get to use your jeep anymore?

Yes, it does, Lowell.

All right, I'm gonna go get it gassed up and bring it around back for you.

Thanks.

Uh, by the way, when you lent it to me, did it smell like a dead sea otter?

No.

It's like I never left. God, it's good to be back.

Thanks, Joe. You really saved my life.

Hi, Joe.

Hi, honey.

Thought I'd surprise you.

He sure looks surprised.

Joe?

Uh, oh, oh, right! That reminds me.

Uh, uh...

Joe? Uh, guess... I... You... We...

Could you excuse me for just one minute, Gail?

Did I come at a bad time?

I don't know. I'll go check.

Helen, I--I... No. Me first.

Fair enough. Go ahead.

(GRUNTS)

Your turn.

(SQUEALING)

Oh, come on. I pulled that punch. Go ahead. Talk.

(GROANING)

All right, I'll fill in until you gather your senses. Who the hell was that?

Someone I've been dating.

Well, I assumed from the way you two kissed

she wasn't lookin' for a piece of lost luggage.

Unless, of course, she lost it halfway down your throat.

Helen, I...

Why didn't you tell me about her, Joe?

I knew if I did, you never would've left New York.

Oh, so let me get this straight.

You let me make a major life decision

without confusing me with the facts?

I was going to tell you. I was just waiting for the perfect time and place.

Rush hour in a crowded airport? Excellent choice.

I can't believe it! I left my life in New York for this!

Oh, come on. What life? You were miserable.

Oh, I'm much better now.

You told me you loved me.

Yeah, you're damn right I did.

And as I recall, you responded by getting on a plane and leaving town.

Now, how do you think that made me feel?

No, I told you I loved you, too.

Gee, maybe I forgot that in the ten months that I didn't hear from you.

It was hard enough leaving. I knew that if I heard your voice,

that I would just come running back.

Well, I didn't know that. As far as I was concerned,

our relationship ended right out there on that runway!

Don't you people have lives?

ROY: Sort of. Yeah, sorry.

So, who is she?

Her name is Gail Scott. We met a few months ago.

She's a freelance writer from Washington, D.C.

And she has a house on Nantucket.

Are you serious about her?

Yeah, I think so.

(SIGHS)

So what's so great about her, anyway? And looks don't count.

Well, for one thing she's nice. And she's nice to me.

And she doesn't hit.

(DOOR OPENING)

Sorry to interrupt. It's Helen, right?

I'm Gail Scott. It's nice to meet you.

Fay just told me who you were and I thought,

"That poor woman. This must be a really incredibly awkward situation for her."

So I thought I'd just come in and see if I could help put you at ease.

Oh, thank you.

Joe's told me everything about you two.

Everything?

Yes. I--I know how close you two were

and I understand. I'm fine with it.

She really is.

So, um, we've decided to be adult about this.

You know what Joe always says,

honesty is the cornerstone of every good relationship.

Oh, but look who I'm telling.

Well, I'll let you two catch up.

I'll see you for dinner tonight, Joey.

You know, the three of us really need to get together sometime.

Well, bye.

(SIGHS) I hate her.

Helen, I--I don't know... No, listen, don't say anything.

There's nothin' to talk about. It's over. You win.

Helen, it isn't a contest.

It isn't? Well, let's check the scoreboard.

You have a career, a relationship, all in all a pretty good setup.

I have no relationship, no career, no money,

no life, and apparently my car smells like a dead sea otter.

Helen, I'm sorry.

You may say that. You may even believe that.

But the reality of the situation is when I walk out that door,

your troubles are over, but mine are just beginning. And that's not fair.

But there's nothin' I can do to even the score.

Helen...

(PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING) Helen!

So, how'd it go?

Not well.

Ah, you know Helen. She'll get over it.

I mean, she starts out hot and then eventually she'll just go home,

break a little crockery, eat a wheel of cheese,

and in the long run, everything'll be fine.

In the long run, yeah. What about the short run?

Oh, the short run'll kill ya every time.

(CAR APPROACHING)

JOE: What the...

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Helen?

(ENGINE REVVING)

Helen, you know I don't allow cars in here. She knows I don't.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

I don't know about you, but, uh, I feel better.

My lunch was in there.