Original subtitles

[♪ classical music playing]

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

The drummer is, in my opinion, the center of the universe.

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

[♪ chorus vocalizing]

Nobody's really boppin' to the vocals or the guitar.

As a drummer, you are moving people.

[Lil Wayne] Drums are not too complicated to feel,

and when you feel music, that's unforgettable.

[Stewart Copeland] All of the other extrapolations, melody

are just decoration for the fundamental business of music,

which is to motivate the pelvic region

and induce humans involuntarily to perform a mating dance,

in public, driven by the drums.

[Stewart laughs]

Those fucking guitarists!

Wha-- Who needs those guys?

It's the beat they're dancing to.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Travis has a very unique style, instantly identifiable.

You know, the physicality is just mind-boggling.

[Taylor Hawkins] Everyone's got their own feel, you know?

I mean, some bands have drummers that make them cook

and put 'em on the edge all the time.

When I see Travis playing the drums, it really looks like

he's beating the shit out of somebody.

♪♪

Aggression, pain, anger, he's been through all that.

[Matt Skiba] You know, the things that he's lived through and survived,

I think that most people would just curl up into a ball.

But I think that there is a higher force at play.

♪♪

[MGK] Falling from the sky like Icarus...

probably does some crazy shit to your head.

[YUNGBLUD] Every single hit is him communicating

his story to the world.

And, dude, he has got a crazy story.

Fuck me, he's got a crazy story.

♪♪

[faint siren wailing]

[airplane whooshing]

[explosion booms]

[sirens wailing]

[reporter] The witness told us he was a few hundred yards away last night

and saw what he called "a fireball rolling across the highway."

Then he said he saw two men who were standing in the road on fire

on fire hitting each other trying to put the fire out.

[groans, yells]

[fire roaring]

[waves crashing]

[drums thudding]

[cymbals crashing]

[Travis Barker] Since the crash, I've never stepped foot on a plane.

I can't even fathom the thought.

And-And when I do even put it in my head and I let it--

I let my mind even think about it...

I have the worst flashbacks of the accident,

and I just, I can't do it.

I want to stay as far away from death or anything

that could bring death my way...

in any way possible.

[♪ gentle music playing]

I take the Queen Mary to Europe.

It's a nine-day cruise straight through the Atlantic.

It's really the only way I can tour.

[Lawrence Vavra] We don't wanna have Travis doing anything unsafe.

But it's not the ideal touring scenario.

His band mates, they all understand.

Everyone gets it, you know?

♪♪

He knows the route so well now,

that he knows exactly when they're around the Titanic.

You know, when those waters get high...

[waves crashing]

you know, he stays with his life jacket sometimes.

He's got this fear, you know,

that, at any time, he's not gonna be on this earth.

[Dr. John Briere] When you've been traumatized,

your physiology shifts in some ways,

probably from an evolutionary perspective.

Your memories tend to become what we call hyper-consolidated,

which means that they get very strongly ingrained in the mind

in a very vivid sort of way.

But for some of us, if the trauma is severe enough,

we may think that we're back in the event

or that the event's happening all over again.

[indistinct radio chatter]

[Travis] Get us an ambulance, man.

[Travis groans, yells]

[Travis] I've taken the Queen Mary, I think, six times now.

I've gotten used to it,

and I've really figured out my rhythm on there.

I just focus on training and playing drums for hours a day.

The first time I came on the boat, I brought a drum kit,

and I would set up in a room they provided for me.

Sometimes I'll go in there, and I'd be playing

and I'd be closing my eyes, whatever,

just practicing the same thing, you know, and then I'd open,

and there'd be, like, five elderly people

just standing this close to me just watching, sipping coffee,

thinking I was, like, an attraction on the boat.

[chuckles]

I felt like this was the best way to keep it private

and not bug my neighbors.

[tapping]

I'd like to challenge myself to sound like

I'm on a bigger drum kit with two bass drums

and a million cymbals.

I always loved seeing drummers

play really small kits and just destroy them.

My favorite jazz drummer has and always will be Buddy Rich.

He had crazy chops, and he was a showman.

-[audience cheering, applauding] -He made the upside-down drum solo famous.

Most people think of his speed, and how fun he was to watch.

And ultimately, that's my two favorite things about drummers.

I would describe Travis's kit as the Buddy Rich setup.

One tom-tom in the front, two on the side,

horizontal cymbals that are flat, not tilted.

The smallest drum set, the most power.

-[♪ upbeat electronic music playing] -♪ One, two, three ♪

[Stewart] There's the monster kit guys,

and there's the guys who can do it with less.

♪♪

[Questlove] The one and last time I did a drum battle with Trav,

he didn't let up for a moment.

And I was like, "Don't let them see you give up.

You better do all these triple rolls." [vocalizes triple rolls]

[panting] And I'm like, "You ready to stop yet? Fuck."

[audience cheering]

[Matt] I mean, the guy's an artist and he's a musician,

but what he does is so athletic.

The only thing akin to the way that he plays drums I've seen

is like a boxer, or a UFC fighter.

You know, he goes into every show like he's going into a ring.

[inaudible dialogue]

[♪ dramatic classical music playing]

[Lawrence] Every time he hits a drum,

there's a part of his anger that comes out.

There's a lot of pain in Travis.

[♪ dramatic classical music continues]

[Mark Hoppus] He is hitting as hard as he possibly can,

but it's never off time in any way.

♪♪

Savage accuracy is the only way I can describe it, I guess.

♪♪

[Sheila E.] When I first saw him play, like, his high hat, it's so high.

You want to reach the people way out there,

so y-you feel like you have to be big.

Bigger than life.

♪♪

His elbow's gonna go out, his rotator.

I'm thinking of all of the things that are gonna hurt him later.

-My wrists, like, make lots of noises... -[wrist clicking]

...and they crack, and they pop.

There's a lot of blisters, a lot of cuts.

[Tim Armstrong] One day, we're about halfway through our set, Travis stops.

I look closer, and his hand is opened up.

It was his bone.

[Daniel Jensen] He has this stuff called Dermabond,

which is used for women who have cesarean section births.

[Tim] And he just puts the Dermabond on.

He sits up...

"I'm good."

Finished the set, man, like nothing ever happened,

but that's him.

[♪ dramatic classical music continues]

Usually, you just watch the whole band,

but I was directly zoomed in on him.

This guy's an animal.

[Dr. Teeth] ♪ Be a better drummer, be an up-and-comer ♪

♪ Can you picture that? ♪

♪ Can you picture that? ♪

Drum war!

♪♪

-Animal! -[audience cheering]

[Travis] As a kid, the first thing that got me interested in drums

was Animal from The Muppets.

He was wild and always looked like

he was having such a good time behind the kit.

[bellows, grunts]

Everyone else was just whatever.

Animal was what I was drawn to.

♪♪

Who's the Animal now?

-Oh, yeah? -[audience laughs]

[grunts]

[laughs]

He would go out in the kitchen, pull pots and pans

out of the cupboard...

and he was banging on 'em, and my wife, she said,

"I think I'm gonna try and make him a drummer."

At four, I-I got my first drum kit,

and it was a Muppets drum kit.

And he just beat the daylights out of it.

-[♪ "death bed" by Powfu playing] -♪ Don't stay awake for too long... ♪

[Travis] Well, as a kid, I really didn't enjoy practicing.

At that age, you don't really want to do anything.

You just want to go play with your friends.

So, I'm really fortunate

I had a really disciplined schedule with practice.

♪ Don't stay awake for too long... ♪

[Tamara Barker] My mom, she sat in the room with him while he practiced.

She would tape his drum lesson,

so she knew exactly what it was supposed to sound like

and what he was supposed to be doing.

[Travis] My mom learned how to read music with me.

She could pretty much play what I could play,

and she knew whether I was practicing or not.

And she'd be like, "No, that's not right. You're not doing that right."

♪ Don't stay awake for too long... ♪

She was adamant about me just growing up to be something.

Like I was her little creation that she was molding.

♪ I'm happy that you're here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up... ♪

[Randalai Barker] He was really close with my mom.

Without my mom, I don't think he would've practiced

and did all those things to get where he is today.

♪ ...every time you heard a bark Cuddle... ♪

[Travis] Growing up, you know, I was, I was a mama's boy

and Pops was there to reinforce anything she said.

I was the enforcer. She was the home teacher.

[Travis] It was a very humble living.

Pops built our house with his own two hands.

He was a Vietnam vet and a steel mill worker

that rode a Harley-Davidson every day.

He was working 60 hours a week to provide for us.

So, I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him.

[Randalai] My dad never smiled. He was very serious.

Most of our friends were afraid of him when they came to the house,

but I don't know anybody who didn't, who didn't love our mom.

[Randy Barker] She was one fine lady.

Very dedicated to her kids.

And then all of a sudden, the sides of her face would swell up in here.

For four months, they treated her as having mumps.

In the beginning, they just didn't know what it was.

My mom was diagnosed with Sjögren's syndrome,

which attacks the lymph nodes.

[Randy] They told us that she needed to have, uh,

chemotherapy done right away.

The next day, I went to work

and when I came home that night, my daughter said, you know,

"Something's the matter with Mom."

Um...

[clears throat]

[♪ somber music playing]

Thirty days later, she was gone.

[Travis] I was confused, angry...

kind of made me question God

and just religion and everything I'd been brought up on.

I was just like, "Wow, why would God do something so fucked up?"

My pops wasn't really in a place to answer anything

because he was also grieving.

We didn't, uh, you know, we really didn't discuss it

that much, me and my, and my kids.

We just kind of took it as it came.

♪♪

[Travis] Before my mom passed,

we found out my dad was in a relationship with another woman...

which made it even more difficult.

He was spending a lot of time with her

and then coming back and staying with us when we needed him.

I resented him for the obvious reasons.

There wasn't, like, that one stable foundation to go to

and be like, "Yo, this is difficult for me."

I just bottled up all my pain and put it into drums.

I think drums was my therapy.

The last thing my mom said to me was,

"Just focus on your music. Become a drummer."

And I just came on the first day of school,

and I said, "I want in the marching band."

It was drumline, jazz band.

That was just my life.

How do I fulfill this goal that my mom had for me?

♪♪

[tattoo machine buzzing]

[Randalai] Travis was, overall, a good kid.

But after she passed away, he acted out.

[Travis] I got my first tattoo when I was 15.

And my dad always said, "The day you get a tattoo,

I'm gonna kick your ass. I'm gonna kick you out of the house."

So, I was kinda shook,

but at the same time, my mom had just passed away,

and in my head, things couldn't get much worse.

And I was rebellious.

It was that age where I just didn't... really give a fuck.

[♪ hard rock music playing]

[Randy] I was really irritated.

I told him, "One day, you're gonna be sorry,

you know, that-that you did this."

[Travis] He'd be like, "You're an idiot.

You're never gonna be able to get a job."

[Randy] When he got out of high school, I told him,

"You better get yourself a job, boy."

And he said, "No, Dad, I don't have to worry about getting a job.

I'm-I'm gonna be in the music."

I figured, if I get tattoos all over my neck,

and all over my body, all over my hands,

I can't get a job, and I won't have a plan B.

And to me, that was perfect.

My goal was to make enough money to eat,

have somewhere to sleep, and play the drums.

My father gave me an ultimatum:

join the military, work 60 hours a week and pay rent,

or move out and do whatever you like.

I told Pops, "I'm outta here. I'm gonna go live with my friend

"and play in a punk rock band,

and be a trash man in Laguna Beach."

And that's what I did.

♪ Follow me ♪

When you work for the city in Laguna Beach,

if you're a trash man and you work in downtown,

they call you a "downtown rat."

So I was a downtown rat.

[Taylor] Humble beginnings, I saw them.

Trash man, literally.

Just trying to fucking make something happen.

[♪ hard rock music playing]

[Travis] At the time, I was playing in a band called Feeble,

and Feeble was playing around quite a bit.

[♪ hard rock music continues]

[Taylor] I had a girlfriend at the time, and she's like,

"This band, Feeble, they have this kid."

She goes, "You gotta see this kid play drums."

♪♪

[Noel Paris] A lot of people came just to watch him.

[singing indistinctly]

It was a sense of power coming from this little, skinny kid

that I'd never seen before.

[Taylor] He was just a kid, but he just had this, like,

"Oh, you're gonna get picked up by a band eventually

and you will be a star attraction in that band."

♪♪

Fuckin' Travis.

[cheering and applause]

[Christian Jacobs] Our bass player came to practice one night, and he was like,

"Guys, I have the perfect kid. He'll blow you away.

"And he's only 18 or 19, and he can go on tour.

And he's punk, he's perfect."

[♪ ska music playing]

[Travis] I know nothing about The Aquabats

except that I hear their name everywhere.

Like, everyone in our scene was talking about them.

I show up the day of the show,

and I know all the songs, I do soundcheck.

And he shows up, and he's like, "Okay, what time we go on?"

And I said, "Here," and I gave him his costume,

and he was like, "W-Wait, what?"

[Travis] I had all my friends come down,

and all my friends were from Fontana or Riverside.

They were all kinda hood.

So they just thought it was so funny I was up there

in, like, a rashguard and a cape and these fucking goggles,

but there was two to three thousand kids there.

So I didn't care.

-I was just excited to play. -[crowd cheering]

You're the best kids in the world!

[♪ "Super Rad!" by The Aquabats playing]

[Bill Fold] He gets into the band and he was just a monster on the drums.

I start paying attention to them, and I end up managing them.

♪ We're on our way... ♪

We put out The Fury of the Aquabats!

on Goldenvoice Recordings.

It went phenomenally well for a ska band from another planet.

Travis moved into my house in Riverside.

Travis was definitely the standout because Travis was the punk rock kid.

So, like, it was always a problem

with whether he'd wear the uniforms.

♪ All systems go... ♪

[John Feldmann] I remember first time seeing Travis

doing this marching cadence thing, and I was like, [laughing] "Holy shit!"

Because in our movement, it was like everyone just did...

[vocalizes frantic drums]

or... [vocalizes rhythmic drums]

Those are, like, the two kind of beats that you had.

Our drummer, I could just tell immediately was like,

"This guy is a threat."

♪ All systems go ♪

♪ As we step into the octagon ♪

♪ Feel the wrath of mission codename ♪

♪ Applesauce, Applesauce, Applesauce ♪

♪ Super rad! ♪

[audience cheering]

Right on, homies!

[waves crashing]

[♪ serene music playing]

[Christian] We didn't know a whole lot about Travis's home life growing up.

Just little things that he would tell us here and there.

But the one thing that I always noticed was he was so driven.

♪♪

[Bill] He is a walking metronome.

He's a perfectionist.

[Lars Ulrich] Guys that come out of marching bands

and really have the rudiments down,

I admire it, uh, and I'm awestruck by it.

♪♪

[Questlove] That's a lot of muscle memory.

That's a lot of discipline and technique and commitment.

♪♪

[Christian] He'd always be on his practice pad.

We'd be in the van, like, traveling for hours,

and Travis would be on his headphones, on his practice pad playing along.

He was always playing the drums.

[♪ drumming continues]

He was driven to get somewhere.

He was trying to get away from something.

I could just only piece things together.

But I could tell he was kinda hurtin'.

I think that his mom passing away

was still really fresh in his heart when he was in the band.

♪♪

[Mark] We were playing a show with The Aquabats,

and our drummer had to leave.

[Tom DeLonge] Basically, there was a family emergency with our old drummer.

And actually, I believe he was the one that says,

"That cat from the opening band probably can fill in. He's really good."

[Travis] Mark and Tom come up to me and they said,

"Yo, our drummer just left. Would you consider playing?

The only-- The only catch is the show starts in an hour."

[Mark] We grabbed our guitars, we went into, uh, a dressing room,

uh, ran through everything as best we could.

[Travis] You know, I didn't have a drum kit backstage,

but I just played on my knees...

and played our first show.

[audience cheering]

[Mark] We're just moments away from taking the stage

and making total asses out of ourselves.

They're gonna laugh at us. They're all gonna laugh at us.

-[emcee] Go ahead, Tom. -[Tom] Fuck you, alright?

[♪ playing "Aliens Exist"]

♪ Hey, Mom, there's something in the back room ♪

♪ Hope it's not the creatures from above... ♪

During the show, you're going, "Is he gonna remember

when the song ends?" You know?

"Is he gonna know the chorus is comin' up?"

♪ We all know conspiracies are dumb ♪

♪♪

[Mark] It really felt special,

that show, Travis stepping in, and having it be so effortless.

♪ I am still a skeptic, yes, you know me... ♪

We were watching 'cause, obviously, that's our drummer playing with Blink.

We could see Mark and Tom looking at each other like,

"This is crazy."

They had, like, stars in their eyes, and Travis is just killin' it.

♪ Nice to know ya, paranoia... ♪

I think the guys in our band were looking at each other like, "It's over."

♪ Up all night long ♪

♪ And there's something very wrong ♪

♪ And I know it must... ♪

[Bill] I remember a conversation we had on our back porch.

He had a hard decision to make.

♪ I'm not like you guys ♪

♪ Twelve majestic lies ♪

Hey, thanks a lot, man. I appreciate that.

That was fucking great.

[cheering and applause]

[Travis] I was havin' a hard time with the decision

'cause I felt really bad.

I'd been with the band for two years, and I loved playing with The Aquabats.

[Bill] There's a ton of great drummers that no one ever knows

because they just didn't catch a particular break.

I told Travis to do it.

[drumming]

[speaker] Woo-hoo!

If we wanna, we can add [bleep] to, like, the verse.

Like, just layer it a little bit?

Oh, I think as long as the tempo stays the same.

[overlapping chatter]

Let's take it from the [bleep] top.

[♪ "What's My Age Again?" by Blink-182 playing]

The way it usually works is Mark and I would write these things

on an acoustic guitar in his bedroom or some shit

and work our way through the structure.

I remember Travis was like, "Fuck, can't you guys write something

with a different beat?"

And I remember I looked at him. I was like,

"Well, f-fuck, dude, that's, like, kind of your job." [laughs]

♪ I took her out, it was a Friday night ♪

♪ I wore cologne... ♪

I saw his head tilt kind of like a puppy,

you know, when they're kinda confused, and something clicked.

And then he just opened up the valve.

♪ And that's about the time she walked away from me ♪

♪ Nobody likes you when you're 23 ♪

♪ And are still more amused by TV shows ♪

♪ What the hell is ADD? ♪

♪ My friends say I should act my age ♪

♪ What's my age again? ♪

♪ What's my age again? ♪

[Tom] We had a meeting at the record label,

and the president of the label says,

"You need to prepare for three things:

"you're gonna be bigger than you ever thought.

"You're gonna make more money than you ever thought.

And you're gonna be more famous than you ever thought."

And I said, "This guy's fucking high." [laughs]

♪ And that's about the time she walked away from me ♪

♪ Nobody likes you when you're 23 ♪

At this point, you know, we're barely getting out of clubs

where our friends' bands are lighting drumsticks on fire in their ass.

♪ What's my age again? ♪

♪ What's my age again? ♪

There's nothing about that that's gonna be in an arena, you know?

Um, but I was wrong.

[♪ "All The Small Things" playing]

♪ All the small things... ♪

[Mark] We started touring that album

and went from, literally, asking people at shows

if we could stay at their house

'cause we didn't have money enough to get a hotel room,

to being on TRL and people screaming in Times Square

when we would walk to the windows. It was insane.

♪ Say it ain't so... ♪

[Tom] Shit was just, like, exploding.

That was quite a wild ride.

♪ Carry me home ♪

♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na... ♪

[Travis] We were three kids just trying to navigate

through this new world together.

But there was a sense of comfort

because I was doing it with, like, my two brothers.

♪♪

[crowd cheering]

-[♪ music ends] -[cheering and applause]

[♪ serene music playing]

[faint crowd cheering]

I was touring with Blink nonstop.

It was tough...

especially since I was married at the time.

I kinda realized that the relationship wasn't working for either of us anymore.

I remember we had got into a huge blowout, and she had said something to me like,

"You know what? Why don't you go back to LA

and go do your thing out there."

I went back to LA soon after that.

And life just kept getting crazier.

[♪ funky upbeat music playing]

[Tim] I started a side project called the Transplants with my friend Rob,

and Rob was Rancid's roadie.

"Security."

But we didn't know really what it was,

and it didn't have a drummer.

We were throwing a couple names around, but we were like,

"If we're gonna get one, let's get the best one that there is," you know?

[crowd cheering]

[Tim] It was all of our band, but Travis, he was almost like the maestro.

I feel like I won the lottery of punk rock, man.

-[♪ "Tall Cans in the Air" playing] -♪ Nobody move, nobody get hurt ♪

[Travis] It was drum and bass, it was punk rock,

it was rap, it was hardcore.

It was everything.

♪ Take a look around, baby, yeah, my whole... ♪

[Tim] In a lot of ways, the Transplants were

all of Travis's universes in one band.

-♪ Tall cans in the air, let me see 'em ♪ -♪ Fuck you ♪

The energy of us playing together was wild.

-♪ ...let me see 'em ♪ -♪ Fuck you ♪

I had friends that were in punk rock for a long time,

and they were like, "Damn, the Transplants's pit,

man, that's the wildest pit I've ever been in."

[crowd cheering]

Me and Rob would go out every night

'til six or seven o'clock in the morning.

Oh, we'd party. [laughs]

I guess we did our fair share of everything.

[♪ "Gangsters and Thugs" playing]

[Shanna Moakler] I met Travis at a nightclub called The Standard.

I went out with my girlfriend,

and she had a crush on one of his bandmates.

♪ Gangsters and thugs... ♪

She said, like, that she didn't know who he was or some shit.

♪ Some of my friends sell drugs... ♪

[Travis] Whatever hot spot there was, every night, Shanna and I would go out.

I was constantly partying.

You see that little heart there, beating nicely?

[Travis] From the day I found out Shanna was pregnant with Landon,

you could just see I was trying to make a change.

I started exercising, which I never did before.

One day, I just left the house and ran to the freeway and back.

I didn't really know what I was doing, but I wanted to be healthier.

So that started being my regimen,

run to the freeway and back every day.

I had this burning desire

to become the greatest father I could be.

Good job, bubbies.

-Good boy. Okay, let's walk. -[whispering] Come on, come on.

[Travis] But I was constantly touring.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Traveling, it's really, really difficult for me.

With Blink, it went from us flying a couple times a week

into multiple times in one day.

[Tom] Travis was always scared of flying,

even before his accident.

He would be shaking during takeoff [chuckling] and...

with rosaries on the fucking tray.

That's how nervous he was then.

Before he ever got on a plane, he always called me.

I could tell he was a little on the frightened side.

He probably picked some of that up from his mother.

[Travis] When I was a kid, my mom and I flew to Chicago,

and my mom was just in tears.

She was a mess. She hated flying.

I think that, like, zapped me into hating flying as well

just 'cause I saw my mom hating it

and she was afraid, and I think at that age you're like,

"I'm afraid, too, then."

♪♪

My friends knew how much I dreaded being on planes,

and one of them gave me a pill to help with my anxiety.

They were like, "Just take this," you know?

"It, like, helps you not stress out, and it'll, like, numb you.

You might even fall asleep."

It started off really mellow in the beginning.

One or two pills before we'd go on a flight.

But things didn't stop there at all.

♪♪

It went from taking painkillers before we'd go on a flight

to actually having to be on 'em or I couldn't even function.

[inhales deeply]

We were on tour, and we were takin' a lotta pills.

I couldn't be like, "Hey, bro, you need to slow down,"

while I'm over here fucking super fucked up, you know?

[Shanna] He told me, you know,

"I take about 20 to 30 pills a day sometimes," you know?

And that just was like, "How are you alive right now?"

[Randalai] I don't know if that was just part of the whole being famous

and the party scene...

or if it had anything to do with self-medicating

because maybe he was hurting in, in other ways that we didn't know he was.

Whether it was from our mom not being here

or things like that, I-I honestly don't know.

[Travis] In order for me to sleep, I would take OxyContin...

to the point where I felt like I was melting.

I was self-medicating because I was having to fly almost every day

and be away from my kids.

I was taking so many pills that I had a security guard

whose only job was to watch me sleep

and make sure I was still breathing.

I started thinking, I might be hitting a place where I needed to go to rehab.

There was this huge desire to just quit everything.

But heading back out on tour and dealing with life on the road

and not being with my kids...

I didn't have the strength.

[♪ vocalizing]

[Mark] In 2005, we were on this European tour in the dead of winter,

and every single night, we were backstage

just screaming at one another.

And we got back from that tour,

and I got a call from our manager saying,

"Tom's not coming.

Tom's done. He's not, he's not comin' back."

I think at the time, we were really overworked and just gone a lot.

[Tom] You know, we're exhausted. We've been working for years.

We weren't all aligned.

I think Travis was in a different frame of mind at the time

where, you know, he had his television show,

and he was kind of insatiable.

He wanted to keep going and going on an everyday basis,

and my family wasn't set up to support that.

I need to be at home.

I have a daughter, she's two, and I've been gone this whole time.

And even on our one break, I did the Box Car Racer record.

[♪ "I Feel So" by Box Car Racer playing]

[Travis] Tom and I had done a side project called Box Car Racer.

Box Car was a little heavier than what Blink was.

♪ Sometimes, I wish I was brave... ♪

And in the back of my head, I wondered,

"How is this gonna go down? Like, how is this gonna work?"

♪ Wish I was young, wish I was shy... ♪

From my standpoint, it was everything about Blink except me.

♪ 'Cause I feel so mad... ♪

[Tom] Did the band ever recover from the Box Car Racer years?

Uh, not the same. No. You know, I don't think it did.

♪ Let's start over ♪

[Travis] The year Blink broke up,

I had just bought a house in, like, a nice community

'cause we were having kids, you know?

I think Alabama was just born.

But balancing home life and touring,

our relationship was getting more and more challenging.

And divorce came soon after.

My marriage fell apart, my band fell apart.

It felt like my whole world was falling apart.

[crowd cheering]

[♪ "When Your Heart Stops Beating" by +44 playing]

♪ I'll be there when your heart stops beating... ♪

I started a project with Mark called +44.

And I had some more time to focus on a streetwear brand

I started a few years back called Famous Stars and Straps.

[♪ "Can a Drummer Get Some" by Travis Barker playing]

[Killer Mike] The Famous F, the Famous t-shirt, it was everywhere.

As a rap fan, you wanted to show up in a Famous shirt.

8[Nate Diaz] Famous Stars and Straps was my whole wardrobe.

I had probably every shirt they had.

♪ Boom, guess who stepped in the room... ♪

[The Game] There was a kid named Lil' Chris,

and what a fucking standup guy Lil' Chris was, man.

[Travis] One day, I'm in the office in Famous Stars and Straps,

and Nicole, who worked with me at the time, was like,

"Who's outside washing your car right now?"

And it's Lil' Chris. He had, like, figured out where my office was.

So I went out, and I said, "Hey, what's up, man?"

He's like, "Hey, what's up?"

He'd say, "Yo, I wash cars.

I'm gonna come by all the time and make sure your cars are cleaned."

And I'm like, "Oh, I don't need my car cleaned, though.

Everything's okay. Like, you don't need to clean my car."

He's like, "No, I'm gonna prove myself to you."

And I said, "Well, you're not washing my car for free."

And then I'm like, "This motherfucker is just like me."

He doesn't... [chuckles] He's, like-- doesn't stop.

He's so determined, and he's so motivated every day.

I was like, "This is my second half, like my right hand."

He was into, like, lowriders and skateboarding.

Everything I was into.

[Tim] They were, like, inseparable.

They were like a buddy movie come to life.

[slight chuckle] For real, man.

Me and Trav, we're out the door. We've got meetings, meetings, meetings.

[Travis] So, I hired him as my assistant,

and we never spent, like, a day away from each other from that point on.

He was like a brother to me.

♪ Can a drummer get some? ♪

[The Game] He had Lil' Chris running from studio to studio

with these big bags of clothes for all the hip-hop artists.

And I think that that was, um, his intro in the hip-hop world, to be honest.

[tattoo machine buzzing]

[Mister Cartoon] He would show up at, like, all rap crew, Psycho Realm.

We would see him through all those different spots.

So, like, he knew about those hardcore gigs.

Like, puts it together with the black Cadillac,

rollin' in, inked up.

He was a tattoo maniac.

He was one of the first celebrities I've known

to blast the side of their head.

Travis showed that he was way ahead of the curve

by doing it way back then.

That's what made him stand out: classic cars, tattoo culture,

music, everything together.

♪♪

[Travis] I had been told for so long that there's a drum machine

that takes the place for drums in rap music.

I had pretty much counted myself out.

It was kinda around that time, Rob hit me and he said,

"Yo, Bun and Pimp want you to make a beat for Bun's album."

I was like, "I don't really make beats."

And he's like, "Well, now you do." [laughs]

-[audience cheering] -[♪ "Forever" playing]

[Drake] I got 'em.

♪ Last name Ever, first name Greatest ♪

♪ Like a sprained ankle, boy, I ain't nothin' to play with ♪

♪ I started... ♪

[Travis] If Bun and Pimp didn't challenge me,

I probably would have never even attempted to make a rap beat.

-♪ I'm in your city, faded off the brown ♪ -♪ Nino ♪

But once I did, it just kept going crazy from there.

At that point, I think I was playing with every rapper I was listening to.

I was finally able to contribute to another genre of music I grew up on.

[♪ rapping]

-[airhorn blaring] -[Eminem] Let's go.

♪ There they go ♪

♪ Packin' stadiums as Shady spits his flow... ♪

[Killer Mike] That drum matters in rap.

The fact that he understands the subtle nuances

between what rock tracks demand on drums

and what programming drums demand on drums

says a lot about his duality and dexterity.

Because usually, rock drummers don't get it.

♪ Back into the game, and they know rap will never be the same as befo' ♪

♪ Bashin' in the brains of these... and establishin' a name as he goes... ♪

[Travis] My strengths lie in listening to everything

and taking from everything.

♪ ...that I'm talkin' about when we riot ♪

♪ I'm Hannibal Lecter, so just in case you're thinkin' of savin' face ♪

♪ You ain't gonna have no face to save ♪

♪ By the time I'm through with this place, so, Drake ♪

♪ I want this shit forever, mane ♪

[Travis] My goal would be to be the most recorded

and collaborative drummer.

[♪ record scratching]

-[♪ "Stay Fly" by Three 6 Mafia playing] -♪ I gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y... ♪

Now I had met Adam a few times, DJ AM.

♪ I gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y... ♪

At the time, AM was, like, the hottest DJ in LA.

♪ Fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y ♪

♪ 'Til I die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie... ♪

He would hit every genre of music.

Watching AM play, like, records that no one would dare play

and making them sound cooler than they ever sounded,

already had my wheels spinning.

♪♪

He could fill up a room, read the room,

and make them go crazy.

♪♪

♪ Here we go ♪

Sure enough, we linked.

And I said, "Yo, I got this crazy idea.

"Drummer-DJ duo where you're just throwin' records at me,

"and I provide the beat,

"and we just kind of remix records live,

but leave no genre untouched."

[audience cheering]

We got into a rehearsal space.

We didn't stop playing for, like, four to five hours.

♪♪

I don't think we spoke.

He was speaking through his turntables,

and I was speaking through my drums.

[♪ "Ring of Fire" playing]

[Tommy Lee] I remember seeing them

and having the drums playing on top and in between,

it just added this, like, whole other element.

It was fuckin' rad. [laughs]

[Travis] Adam was the greatest. He was one of the nicest dudes ever.

Super positive.

♪ Love is a burning thing ♪

♪ And it makes... ♪

[Kevin Wolff] Their personalities, so similar.

They'd laugh at the same jokes, same type of sense of humor.

[Travis] We were very much cut from the same cloth, you know,

except he was sober and I wasn't.

♪♪

[♪ music stops]

[Kevin] Throughout his sobriety, which was over 10 years,

he did always talk about how he was still struggling.

I think any addict will, will tell you that, you know, it's,

it's, it's one day at a time, and that demon is always there.

[Travis] This is the one dude who challenged me to be sober.

He would actually make me be sober

for 48-hour periods of time before I made big decisions.

[Lawrence] AM really took his sobriety seriously.

AM really wanted Travis to just not have that be a part of his life.

Not because it would affect AM's life so much.

He knew how much better a father,

how much better a businessman, how much better a musician

Travis would be if he got that out of his life.

[Travis] I remember sitting with my clothing attorney

and my music attorney.

They basically came and said, like, "We're worried about you.

"Things are a little excessive right now,

"like the drug use, the pills.

We just wanna make sure everything's okay."

And I remember being like, "What the fuck are you guys talking about?

Like, everything's fine. Like, I'm a functioning addict I guess."

But deep down, I wondered what it'd be like if I didn't do anything.

How good I'd be at running, how good I'd be at boxing,

how good I'd be at drumming.

But... in my mind, I'd also accepted I don't think I'll ever know.

[♪ somber music playing]

[Lawrence] The boys had gotten booked to do a private event.

AM was on the road for a while, and he was meeting Travis there.

[Travis] I was like, "I don't even know if I wanna go."

"Like, all these gigs that I have to fly to?

I just, I feel like I just want them to go away."

I just want to be at home with my kids.

Before I left, my daughter, Alabama, was hysterically crying

and just saying, like,

"The roof is on fire, and it's gonna come off."

And it was just the weirdest thing, and she was hysterically crying.

She cried for, like, two hours straight after I had left.

[Kevin] Travis actually flew in private.

He flew in with Lil' Chris and Che.

[Travis] Che was one of my really good friends

that started touring with me as security.

The show was awesome. It was outdoors.

It was a really good time.

But I think it was maybe 9:00 or 10:00,

and the whole event was over.

You know, I'd seen Lil' Chris and AM gathering together,

and they were both like, "Dude, let's try to go home tonight."

And I said, "Whatever you guys wanna do,

I'll-I'll roll with the punches, but I'm cool to just chill."

Basically did a majority rules.

Who wants to fly home? Who doesn't? I lost. [chuckles]

Um, but I was a team player. I said, "I'll-I'll roll, whatever."

We leave the hotel, we go over to the airport,

and it's, like, dark.

It's almost midnight, I think. We're supposed to leave at midnight.

There's all these big, nice planes,

and then it's, like, foggy and weird,

and there's this little plane [slight chuckle]

in the corner, and I was like,

"Man, I pray to God that's not our fucking plane over there."

And then, sure enough, the dude drives past

all the big, nice planes and, of course, drives to that fucking plane.

[♪ tense music playing]

We smoke out, we hotboxed the driver's car.

We get out.

Chris takes a picture in front of it.

And he's like, "Fuck, this plane's sketch.

Like, we're on the smallest plane at this fucking airport."

I call my dad.

He said, "Dad," he says, uh...

And sent me a picture of the plane.

He says, "This is, this is what we're gettin' on."

He says, "I-I don't really wanna get on this plane."

I told him if something happens,

like, make sure everything's cool with the kids, you know?

And, uh...

that was definitely, uh, emotional for whatever reason.

When I called him, and he was like, "Hey, wha-what's going on with you?"

And I said, "I don't know, Pal. I just have, like..."

[sniffles]

[voice breaking] I just said, "I have a weird feeling," you know?

[drum roll]

We got on the plane.

It was Chris, Che, Adam, and myself.

And I always sit by emergency exits

'cause I'm... [inhales deeply] I'm a fucking weirdo.

I've always done that since I ever, you know, had to get on a plane.

I had smoked and drank.

I think took, like, a Xanax bar and a Vicodin.

So I'm awake. I think I'm almost dozing off

when we finally take off.

♪♪

[jet engines whirring]

The thing I probably hate most about flying

is just the rumbling of the jets

and you just know you're about to haul ass down a runway

and fly up into the air.

♪♪

[engines roaring]

I hear really loud, like, gunshot noises.

I feel it getting very rough.

I guess, at this point, the landing gear had blown up.

The belly of the plane is basically on the ground skidding,

and it, it catches fire.

And the plane attempted to take off to go in the air,

and then we'd go down, go in the air, go down.

[airplane whooshing]

And we end up hitting an embankment.

♪♪

Just fire and chaos everywhere.

I couldn't go in front of me, so I went to the side of me.

AM was knocked out.

He had hit his head, so I-I grabbed him

and I shook him, and he woke up.

Tried to make my way in front of him.

The lower parts of my arms caught fire.

I went to the emergency exit, and I opened it.

Jumped out right into the jet where all the fuel is.

Then, my whole body caught fire.

[flames whooshing]

I'm running, and the fire just won't go out.

I stopped, dropped, and rolled, and then AM came out,

and he patted my feet off fire.

Maybe 10 seconds later, the plane blows up.

[cymbals crashing]

-[fire truck horn blaring] -[sirens wailing]

[Randy] My heart sunk.

I-- You know, I thought I have lost a son.

[announcer] Live from ABC 7.

[reporter 1] Four people are dead and two critically injured.

[reporter 2] Barker and DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Goldstein,

are in critical condition at a burn center in Augusta, Georgia.

[Tom] I was in North Carolina boarding a plane,

and on the television outside the gate, it just pops up,

and it's, like, playing and it's the text,

and it's CNN and all this shit, and I was just frozen.

♪♪

[Dr. Peter Grossman] Travis was in really bad shape.

These weren't just little burns that he had.

These were extensive burns to his legs,

his feet, his buttocks, his arms, his hands.

And there was an absolute concern

as to whether or not, uh, he would survive.

[♪ dark music playing]

[Travis] My brain really wasn't functioning.

I was on morphine, and I was on all sorts of medicine,

so I didn't even really understand...

the severity of it all.

I'd broke all of my ribs.

Fractured my back in four different places.

They couldn't do any more surgeries,

and I was low on blood...

and then there was talks of amputating my foot.

Sixty-five percent of my body was burnt.

♪♪

It was fucked up, you know? He, uh...

As soon as I walked in and seen him, I start crying, you know, and, um...

[inhales deeply]

[Dr. Brian Weeks] Burn injuries are probably the worst type of injury

that anybody could suffer.

You know, we've all burned our finger with a blister

and, and knows what happens to that.

Well, imagine that with 65% of your body.

[Dr. Grossman] Clinically, they were all third-degree burns,

which means we had to remove that skin.

In order to do that, you basically have to shave away that skin.

You take these knives and you shave away.

You're skinning the patient.

When you take those skin grafts,

you're exposing nerve endings, and that's very painful.

So now, he's got pain in his burn areas

and pain from the areas where we harvested his skin.

[Travis] I was in a lot of pain.

They couldn't get my pain management right,

so I was freaking out.

The normal amount of pain medicine was not affecting him

and then, giving him even more wasn't relieving his pain.

It became apparent to me that this was someone whose body

was now physiologically addicted to pain medication.

[Travis] I was basically, like, on the same drugs

I was on every day, so I could feel everything.

It was all a blur.

What had happened or who was alive, I had no clue.

And then, obviously, "Well, where's Chris and Che?"

And, um...

[Tim] His sister invited me down to go to the burn unit,

and I walk in the room.

Then I go, "Man, Lil' Chris."

[exhales sharply]

And I don't cry ever, and he don't cry.

But we cried, bro.

That was about as sad as it gets.

[Travis] Che and Lil' Chris were like brothers to me.

I was closer to Chris than anyone in my entire life.

[Linda Warn] They were inseparable.

They had so much fun always.

Travis took Chris's dreams and expectations and made them real.

[sniffles]

[Lawrence] Lil' Chris and Che's passing was hard on everyone,

but it killed Travis.

Just killed him that he couldn't...

You know, Chris is having a funeral in LA, and Travis is still at the burn center.

♪♪

Even though he was physically recovering

and was getting in a better place, physically,

every time I went to see him, he seemed to be doing

a little worse, uh, emotionally.

He would, you know, try to put on a brave face,

but he didn't know if he would ever play the drums again.

He didn't know if he'd, you know, be able to do

all these things he dreamed of doing with his kids.

[Travis] I couldn't see my kids 'cause 65% of my body

was an open wound.

I was handling that miserably.

I was suicidal when I was in the hospital...

and I was there for another three and a half months,

and I had 27 surgeries there.

There was a few times where he was just ready to call it a day, you know?

"Bring me a gun," and blah-blah. But I was like, "Fuck, no."

"I'll transfer any amount of money, just fuckin' kill me."

[Dr. Briere] You know, it's really hard to put a pin

on how long it's gonna take anyone to recover.

The danger, though, is if when we try to say you're better or you're not,

you're recovered when you're not

because, frankly, even if you think about your own childhood

when something happened to you then, is it completely gone now?

It probably isn't in its own way.

So, we're all kinda makin' our own deal with the devil here

in terms of what we can tolerate, what we can handle,

and how we can move on from it.

[Lawrence] AM would confide in me a lot,

and AM was really worried.

You know, "I don't know if Travis is gonna be Travis again."

[♪ poignant music playing]

[Dr. Grossman] Adam was different than Travis.

His burns were not as extensive

and was in the hospital for a shorter period of time.

Interestingly, Adam was calm and almost subdued.

There was two extremes.

One who was very im-- traumatized by the accident,

and one who was almost, um, uh, disassociating himself from it.

[Travis] He was in the burn center for a week and a half,

and he was out.

It was really quick.

And I think he flew a week later.

And that was a shock to me. I just couldn't believe it, you know?

I just couldn't comprehend how he was getting on a plane.

[Lawrence] You know, Jay-Z had asked AM to go on tour with him,

and he was supposed to go, like, three weeks after the crash.

I'm trying to convince AM, "We could tour on buses.

You don't need to do this anymore."

The part that drove him wasn't the financial side.

It was the-the star.

It was, "I want to perform for everybody all around the world."

Performing for people is what allowed him to be sober in a weird way.

At the time, that was, that was AM's drug.

[Travis] We met up right when I got out of the hospital.

We shared stories and just kinda talked about it.

He had told me he was seeing a new therapist.

And this new therapist had told him, like,

"Look, man, you've been in a plane crash.

I don't think it's so bad if you, if you take a Xanax before you fly."

You know, we gave each other a hug and he was like...

You know, I said, "I'll see, I'll see you in New York."

And he's like, "Yeah."

He's like, "But, you know,

"honestly, I just feel like doin' a shit ton of drugs

and saying fuck it."

There was no kinda funny punchline at the end.

[Lawrence] Something was off.

Kevy, who was AM's best friend,

you know, he calls me and he says,

"Dude, [sighs] I think he's using."

You know, the next day, we find his sponsor.

Kevy, myself, and his sponsor fly out to New York...

go right to his apartment, and he's not answering BBM.

He's not answering his phone.

We can't get to his door 'cause the doorman won't let us up.

You know, finally it was like, "You know what? Fuck this.

Call the police."

Police go upstairs... bang down the door...

and... it's too late.

[♪ somber music playing]

[Travis] I was in New York working on an album,

and Daniel, my drum tech, came and handed me the computer.

I don't know if it was TMZ or something, but

they basically said, um...

[Lawrence] You know, I remember that night...

Travis couldn't even speak.

I could hardly speak.

[♪ somber music continues]

[Travis] After AM passed, it was beyond difficult to relate to anybody.

I really had no one. I would exhaust post-traumatic doctors.

And I would... just hit walls constantly.

I just, honestly, wanted to lock myself in the hotel room.

I had lost another one of my closest friends.

I felt like I was in Final Destination, and I was gonna be next.

♪♪

[Lawrence] It got way worse after AM passed away

'cause Travis had this weird sense of, like,

"I was supposed to die. Why am I here?

Why am I the only survivor?"

[Travis] I definitely had feelings of survivor's guilt.

I was beating myself up.

Like, that was my main thing.

"Well, why am I here and everyone else isn't?"

I had to believe that I am still here for a reason.

[♪ mournful music playing]

Before he passed away,

our best therapy was talking amongst each other.

We would talk about everything from how hard it was

for me to walk down a street

without thinking planes were gonna fall out of the sky

to, "Should I tour again?"

Do you wanna leave the house?

When is enough enough?

You've already done so much.

What else is there left to do?

Those were all the things I kinda had to ask myself,

like, who I was gonna be after this accident.

AM had said, "For me, I feel like I don't have much to live for,

"and it's really, you know, fuckin' with me.

You know, you got kids, you have a lot to live for."

[♪ mournful music continues]

I just didn't leave the kids.

I would sleep in Landon's bed...

and then I would sleep in Alabama's bed.

I would just go back and forth.

I wouldn't spend a minute away from 'em.

I'd hired a driver to take them to school 'cause I couldn't drive,

and I would just lay in the back of the car,

and I just was with them everywhere they went.

My kids really kept me together.

It was honestly

the best thing for my recovery and

the best thing to give me strength.

I never wanted to feel as high as I did in the hospital again.

I didn't want anything to do with painkillers.

I flushed those down the toilet.

I was not gonna fail my kids.

I really had to bounce back.

[waves crashing]

[laughter]

[kisses smack]

-Ew. -[Travis] Mm.

-[Alabama Barker] His armpits stink. -[laughs]

-[Travis] Yeah, get some of that. -Ew, that's gross.

[laughs]

And why do they smell so bad?

Didn't you shower last night?

[laughs]

-What are you doing? -I played drums all night.

You didn't shower last night?

Yeah, I did.

Why do you smell? You smell really bad.

[laughs]

[Tom] With each passing day,

he started coming back to who he was.

Right, left, right, right, left.

Right, right, right, left, right, right. No.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, left.

No. You have to practice it over and over again.

After the accident, the things he craved were different,

and they were more along the lines of somebody

that got their priorities straight.

[drumsticks tapping rhythmically]

[Travis] Told you. It's in your blood, son.

[Atiana De La Hoya] You could definitely tell that something was different.

I don't know how I could pinpoint it,

but it changed for the whole family,

and I feel like kind of brought us closer together in a sense.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

We loved him trying to cook for us...

going on bike rides.

[Atiana] He would always take us to school in his low ride cars.

Whenever my friends would come over, they'd always be so scared of him,

and then, now that they've gotten to know him, they're like,

"I don't know why I was ever scared of Travis."

I went on my first tour, I think I was, like, four years old.

It's really cool to see him going to Europe.

We always take the boat.

[Travis] They've done every tour with me.

They've done punk rock tours,

they've done hip-hop tours, all sorts of stuff, man.

They've kinda came everywhere with me.

[Atiana] He used to smoke a lot and drink and party and stuff.

Now, he's, like, completely the opposite.

I mean, he doesn't drink, smoke.

He's completely vegan.

[Travis] Being sober at this part of my life,

for my children, is so important.

You know, everyone is looking at you, right?

And especially for my kids...

the best is not to tell them, but, but to show 'em.

After my accident, I figured out a lot of things.

How do I become a better human?

How do I become a healthier human?

There was, like, checkmarks.

It was like, "You're not gonna play drums again.

You won't run again. You might not be able to do this again."

Just crossing them off one by one,

that's the journey that I've been on.

[Toby Morse] I've known Travis through everything.

We always talk about running together.

I invited him to this thing called, uh, 2 Bears 5K.

The race took off, and I was like, I'm just gonna run, like, a sexy pace,

like, you know, a dad pace.

He just, like, smoked everybody.

In that moment, I was like, "Holy shit, dude. This dude's a runner."

And since then, he's doing all these Run Travis Runs.

The same kinda misfits and punk rockers that would come to see Blink-182

are now coming to run with Travis Barker and get healthy.

[Travis] Running marathons is a way of processing trauma.

It gives me control again.

Instead of that pain being imposed on me, I'm running towards it.

It's therapeutic to me.

[tattoo machine buzzing]

[Mister Cartoon] What are we doin' today?

I don't know. I'm covered.

-[laughter] -I'm just, like, tattooing over shit,

but I still have, like... I still have my legs.

-Like, I did both kneecaps. -Yeah.

Another tough area you have here.

[Travis] It's not bad.

When I grew up, you know, tattoos were gang-related

or, you know, guys that were in prison.

But all these tattoos that's on him has to do with his life in music.

[♪ gentle music playing]

He came out one year for Christmas.

He said, "Dad," he said, "Got somethin' to show you."

When he was just a little boy, we always referred to one another as "Pal."

So, he took his shirt off and he said, "Look,"

and he had "Pal" tattooed right here.

[chuckling] Well, at least he got one good tattoo anyhow.

[Travis] After the accident, my dad and I kept getting

closer and closer and closer.

He's definitely my rock.

[Randy] He calls me every day.

Every single day.

He calls me before he goes on stage to play,

and he tells me he loves me.

I tell him I love him, you know.

One day, I went, "Come here, I got somethin' to show you."

And he said, "Dad, that's a sticker."

I said, "No, that's not a sticker."

I decided, you know,

just to show him I support him and everything,

that I'm gonna go and I'm gonna get that done.

I feel just about as proud as I could be.

[Travis] Well, lookin' back on it now, my dad was tough on me,

but what seemed hard at the time really made me the man I am today.

[Randy] Travis is my son,

and, uh, you know, I love my son very much.

-[group] Aw. -And I told him,

"When you find somebody like your mother, you hang on to it."

And so, now he's got that, and he's hanging onto it.

[group] Aww.

[cheering and applause]

[♪ playing upbeat tune]

[Kourtney Kardashian Barker] When I first met Travis,

he was just very gentle and quiet,

which doesn't match up with his exterior

of what you would think he would be.

[♪ gentle piano music playing]

[Travis] We lived down the street from each other.

I was friends with her,

and I've known her and her family for a long time.

I would spend a lot of holidays with her.

[speaker] Look at Travis go.

Halloween and Christmas, we thrived.

[chuckling] Like, those were our seasons.

We'd carve pumpkins with the kids,

and we would decorate gingerbread houses.

It was a string. It's a strand of light.

Watching him as a father, that always drew me to him.

I got to know his real values through his kids.

[Travis] All my guy friends would be like,

"Man, what are you guys waitin' for?"

I would literally come home from the studio at 6:00 a.m.

from working all night and wake up two hours later

to work out with her just 'cause I wanted to see her.

I always thought to myself, if this ever happens,

it was gonna be bigger than we could ever imagine.

Just by the interaction as friends,

just by lookin' in her eyes, I knew she was the one.

[♪ gentle music playing]

We fell madly in love.

I felt like I had superpowers,

like I was a kid all over again.

[Kourtney shrieks]

[Kourtney] Six months into being together,

we found out that we were pregnant.

We're having a baby.

-What?! -[all cheering]

[Kourtney] And everything just made so much sense.

We were so happy.

[Travis] We were about three months pregnant,

and she was gonna be a little girl,

and we had decided to name her Tulip.

And we go to the doctor,

and the doctor tells us

the baby doesn't have a heartbeat.

[♪ solemn music playing]

[Kourtney] When we lost the baby, we were devastated.

We just laid in bed and cried for days.

All we wanted was to have a baby together.

I was 41, and I remember my doctor saying, "You have to do IVF."

Confirm name and date of birth.

-Yeah. That's my date of birth. -Okay.

Just put the sample in this cup

and then, when you're done, just place it on that counter

and I'll come and grab it for you.

[Kourtney] It was so hard on my body.

We tried five times over eight months

and it felt like my body was shutting down.

[doctor] This one is small. Very unlikely to get a mature egg.

[Travis] They're like, "You have less eggs every month."

And it was like, "Oh, gosh." Like, this is so discouraging.

Let's cover this so we can do your ultrasound.

[Kourtney] Each time we would try it, it just felt so disappointing.

It really did something that messed with me mentally.

And I remember crying to Travis, "I can't do this anymore."

I just said to him, "If God has a baby in store for us,

it will happen, naturally."

[waves crashing]

[Travis] A year after being together, I asked Kourtney to marry me

and we shifted all of our energy into the wedding.

[♪ upbeat, romantic music playing]

After my accident, there was a lot of "no way, no hows."

I never thought I was gonna get married again.

I never planned on having any more children.

And then, I fell in love with my best friend.

It just started opening my eyes and my world.

Sounds corny, but it's just like a fairytale story.

♪♪

[crowd cheering]

[♪ rock music playing]

[Mark] Hey. Hey, Travis.

[band member] We've got an announcement here!

[Tom] Hey, Travis!

[Mark] Hey, Travis.

[Kourtney] A year after stopping IVF,

we got pregnant, naturally, on Valentine's Day.

[Mark] Whoa. Hey, calm down.

[whistling]

[Travis] For me, it was kinda unbelievable.

It was a miracle.

[drumroll]

[crowd cheering]

[Travis] Once you've experienced a miscarriage,

you're just waiting, you know?

You're waiting for something awful to happen.

[warbling]

[Kourtney] I think because all of his trauma

and everything he's been through,

he was really worried the whole pregnancy.

[Travis] Is that his little hand?

[doctor] [over phone] Yeah, it's in a fist.

[Kourtney] [over phone] We're waiting for it to open up

so he can look at all the bones.

[Travis] We got into seven months, and I was touring.

I was actually in Europe, and she says,

"Trav, I-I went to my doctor

and the baby's lungs are filling with fluid."

[♪ tense music playing]

It was terrifying going in for the surgery.

[Travis] They did this surgery where they drained

the fluid from his lungs

by placing a needle through her stomach.

The whole time, I was preparing myself.

[Kourtney] They canceled four shows,

and he just came and laid with me in the hospital

and was there with me and made sure that everything was okay.

Mm.

Rocky's gonna come out doin' front kicks.

The surgery was a success, thank God.

And Rocky was born one month later.

[Kourtney] They had told us, you're probably gonna be in the hospital

for eight weeks, at the minimum.

[Travis] We were in the NICU for a week

and then we went home and we've never been back.

He's like the healthiest, happiest little human I've ever met.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

And the whole time Rocky was in her belly,

he was listenin' to me practice.

I would play for him.

God blessed us with this healthy, beautiful baby boy.

[Kourtney] Having Rocky gives him another chance

to do what he loves most and does best:

being a father.

Go. Yes.

[Kourtney] Being able to experience life

through a baby's eyes all over again,

every experience feels new.

It changes you.

There's never a dull moment in this big, blended family.

[Travis] [laughs] My pants are falling down.

She has three children. I have three children.

And then, we have Rocky.

We all live together in one house.

It's basically The Brady Bunch.

[Atiana] Do you remember The Brady Bunch?

The family that had, like, the van,

and, like, they'd all show up together and, like--

-We're so much cooler than that family. -[Atiana] We're-- It's--

even if we look like The Addams Family, we're still like that.

♪♪

[Kourtney] We balance each other.

[♪ electric guitar playing]

He's one of the hardest working people that I know.

He's gonna go, and we're gonna all make eye contact

-for the stop, okay? -Okay.

[Kourtney] He's really so dedicated and passionate about his work.

[announcer] [over speakers] Let's bring out the greatest drummers

of all time, Travis Barker of Blink-182.

[crowd cheers]

Drumming is something I've done since I was four years old.

Like, I'm not stopping now.

I'm not a person that can idle.

[crowd cheering]

Whether it's designing a shoe for Vans

or playing with other artists,

you know, or producing,

I need challenges.

♪ Travie, where the drums at? ♪

♪ Uh... ♪

[Lil Wayne] To work in the studio with Travis is interesting

because that's like working with a producer

that's gonna make the beat right there in front of you.

That's pretty rare these days.

[Trippie Redd] Every time he gets on a song,

it's adding, like, some off-the-wall shit.

It's not nothin' normal, like, the way he plays.

[Lawrence] He's found himself now as an artist.

He's hit his stride as a producer.

[♪ "bloody valentine" by MGK and Travis Barker playing]

♪ I don't do fake love, but I'll take some from you tonight... ♪

[MGK] Travis is just an all-in guy.

The process never stopped.

Like, we lived and breathed the Tickets to My Downfall album.

♪ ...let's play pretend... ♪

It was just a huge inspiration to see someone like Travis

that excited about our band.

A good producer finding in you what you're capable of,

that's the job.

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na... ♪

[MGK] He's just here for the music.

He knows where it's going, he's got a crazy vision.

♪♪

[Mark] It takes three people for Blink to work

and the band was on indefinite hiatus.

I hadn't really talked to Tom in years. Like, we broke off everything.

And then, one day, Tom texted me a picture of a video that he was shooting.

I texted back, "That's awesome. Stoked for you.

Uh, by the way, I have cancer, and I start chemotherapy."

And immediately, my phone rings and it's Tom.

[Tom] I was like, "Oh, my God. I'm comin' up to see you."

So, I drove up to see him, and then Travis was there.

It was a heavy conversation because of what Mark was about to endure.

[Travis] He had stage 4A lymphoma.

I would go spend time with Mark quite a bit.

Tom had reached out. He was also spendin' some time with Mark.

One of us was there almost every day.

[Mark] I was trying to be hopeful through my chemotherapy

and put on a brave face,

but I was not so confident on the inside.

I was despairing. What was gonna happen?

Tomorrow, I have chemotherapy,

I'm gonna feel like hell the next day,

I'm gonna feel like hell the next day.

We were just trying to give him any kind of support,

do anything we could for him.

And we had said during that time,

when Mark beats this, we're gonna make music again.

We're gonna tour again.

And sure enough, Mark beat it.

♪♪

[audience cheering]

[Mark] We walk on stage, and I didn't know what to expect.

I mean, Blink has been around, at that point, for almost 30 years...

[cheering continues]

...and it's a packed house.

It's more people than we played for in forever.

It felt like coming home.

[cheering intensifies]

-[♪ "ONE MORE TIME" playing] -♪ Strangers ♪

♪ From strangers into brothers ♪

♪ From brothers into strangers once again ♪

♪ We saw the whole world ♪

♪ But I couldn't see the meaning ♪

♪ I couldn't even recognize my friends... ♪

[Tom] We got back together the first time

'cause Travis survived a plane crash.

I was like, "Holy shit. If you can get through this, I'm here."

And we broke up again.

After that, then Mark had cancer.

"Holy shit. When you get through this, I'm here."

♪ Do I have to die to hear you miss me? ♪

♪ Do I have to die to hear you say goodbye? ♪

♪ I don't want to act like there's tomorrow ♪

♪ I don't want to wait to do this one more time ♪

♪ One more time... ♪

[Tom] This song came from Travis.

Putting forth a song with such direct lyrics

is extremely expressive for Travis.

♪ I miss you ♪

♪ Took time, but I admit it ♪

♪ It still hurts even after all these years... ♪

[Travis] Throughout the years of grief and trauma

and trying to figure out how and why everything happens...

what I learned, life's just not for certain.

♪ I don't want to act like there's tomorrow ♪

♪ I don't want to wait to do this one more time ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ I miss you ♪

[audience cheering]

[Mark] We're Blink-182.

Thank you all so very much for being with us tonight.

We love you!

[cheering continues, fades]

[Travis] Every day I open my eyes,

I'm reminded of walking away from a plane crash

where four people passed away.

[♪ gentle music playing]

And then, AM passing away, like, less than a year later.

But I've also accepted who I am now and...

[clicks tongue]

[sighs, sniffles]

♪♪

[sniffles]

I think I've, you know...

[exhales sharply]

I've figured out a way to carry on and live my best in their memory.

[Linda] It's always hard...

because the "what if" is there,

and the "what ifs" can kill your life.

♪♪

So, I let him know there's no hard feelings here.

[Travis] It took years of survivor's guilt...

of trying to understand what they'd want me to do.

[crying] And I've felt like never flying again

would probably...

[sniffles]

...not be one of those things, you know?

[speed bag thudding]

When I first started thinking about flying again,

I actually had a series of...

There was, like, nightmares.

'Cause for so long, it didn't even enter my head.

[Kourtney] I could never truly understand what he went through

or what he still feels to this day.

So, I was like, "You never have to fly again.

I would never be mad at you for that."

For our first Valentine's Day together,

I made him this collage of a tour bus

and all these different places that I'd love to drive to with him.

[Travis] But I had this force within me that was like,

"I don't wanna be restricted by anything anymore.

There's nothing that's gonna have power over me."

[♪ intense music playing]

[Kourtney] Eventually, he said to me, "If you plan a trip

and it's somewhere that I couldn't drive to, I'll go."

But he didn't wanna know about it

until 24 hours before the flight,

so he didn't have too much time to think about it.

When he came to tell us kids, we were really against it at first

'cause all we had known is "no."

"No flying." "Don't fly." "Let's not fly."

He told us, he was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna get on a plane."

And we were like, "Fuck, no, you're not." [chuckles]

You're like-- 'Cause that's all we knew growing up

was we're never getting on a plane.

I think I inherited paranoia [slight chuckle] from him.

My little sister's really bad with it, too.

♪♪

[Kourtney] When I told him that,

"I have a flight booked, we're going to Mexico,"

he took it in and was like, "Okay."

He started getting more anxious as the day went on.

So we did breath work.

And then, this just sounds crazy, but during my breath work,

a vision of his mom came to me and was like,

"Thank you for taking care of my son."

[♪ "To Build a Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra playing]

We drove to the airport in the morning.

I remember him calling his dad.

♪ There is a house built out of stone... ♪

[Travis] Hey, Pal.

[Randy] [over phone] Yeah?

[Travis] I had all sorts of emotions driving to the airport.

My kids were saying, "Don't do it, Dad. Like, you don't have to do it."

♪ Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust... ♪

My kids were carrying my trauma.

[Travis] I just knew, if I can do this,

I could not only do it for myself, but also do it for my children,

and they could overcome it.

[engine rumbling]

♪♪

Love makes you do crazy things.

♪ And I built ♪

♪ A home... ♪

It puts you back in places you swore you'd never go again.

♪ For me... ♪

It makes you risk your pride, your comfort,

and the walls you spent years building up around you.

♪ For me... ♪

Love is louder than fear.

♪ And now, it's time ♪

♪ To leave ♪

♪ And turn ♪

♪ To dust ♪

[♪ "Forever" by Travis Barker ft. Run The Jewels playing]

♪ Good Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy ♪

♪ He a demon on tracks, you hear them damn verses? ♪

♪ This motherfucker the Devil, he screamin' and cursin' ♪

♪ I'm pullin' pistols in public, puttin' them on every person ♪

♪ Rap's Rasputin, I'm pullin' pumps on pompous ass preachers, and shootin' ♪

♪ I'm sittin' on the last pew-pew-pewin' ♪

♪ One day the poor will eat the affluent ♪

♪ Hope you atone for your past doings ♪

[♪ music continues faintly]

♪ If I ain't hungry, then your bread could never tempt me, uh ♪

♪ So I suggest you help the less and feed their tummy tall ♪

♪ Or one day pointed at your tummy is a Tommy Gun ♪

♪ Or maybe that's my paranoia that I'm walkin' with ♪

♪ As I burn this spliff and try locate the mother ship ♪

♪ Ayy, this-this-this the jungle ♪

♪ Ayy, this-this-this the jungle forever ♪

♪ This-this-this the jungle-ungle forever ♪

♪ Ayy, this-this-this-this-this-this the jungle, jungle, jungle ♪

♪ Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever ♪

♪ Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever ♪

♪ Jungle, jungle, forever ever ♪

♪ Forever ever ♪

♪ Balderdash, you not gettin' it past rap's Putin ♪

♪ Who ride a horse, bareback, shootin' ♪

♪ A champ in the land of the stupid ♪

♪ The kind that take the candy out kids' hands ♪

♪ And laugh in amusement ♪

♪ The damned got a movement ♪

♪ They love to redefine what truth is ♪

♪ I find that little exercise useless ♪

♪ I'm losin', my last dose of shrooms was a doozy ♪

♪ The loosely knit walls of reality don't move me ♪

♪ Don't hail about a QP ♪

♪ Enough to make a cutter out the cookie ♪

♪ The brothers of the jewels spit rubies ♪

♪ These planetary gates murder truly ♪

♪ But baby, they all fools and they eat from the hands of those rulin' ♪

♪ Ayy, this-this-this the jungle ♪

♪ Ayy, this-this-this the jungle forever ♪

♪ This-this-this the jungle-ungle forever ♪

♪ Ayy, this-this-this-this-this-this the jungle, jungle, jungle ♪

♪ Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever ♪

♪ Jungle, jungle, jungle, forever ever ♪

♪ Jungle, jungle, forever ever, ever, ever ♪

♪ Ever, ever, forever ever... ♪

♪ Killer Mike and ♪

♪ Killer Mike and, Killer Mike and El-P ♪

♪ Forever, forever, forever, forever ever, ever... ♪

[♪ song fades out]