Original subtitles

♪ ♪

(kissing)

Mm...

Hmm.

(laughs)

Is it safe to come in?

Heard about Hayley getting booted.

I'm not in the mood, Ted.

I know exactly why you're here.

So you can turn around and go back the way you came.

♪ ♪

You're telling me your mother turned down

her boo's invitation to move in with him?

Yup, on his A-class vessel.

I think living on a boat sounds kind of dope.

Sounds like you can't shake the Pacific Northwest.

You really like the water, don't you?

Sure, but it's not for everybody.

I get why your mom wouldn't want to live

her best Sleepless in Seattle life, but...

What's wrong?

I'm worried that Mama is backsliding.

How about I make my boo thang a drink?

I know I sure could use one.

Woman, are you for real?

Why wouldn't I be?

I just had my moment in the sun

and the people clung to my every note.

Orphey Gene's ain't exactly The Howard.

Besides, I know what you're doing.

Well, do tell, Detective Crankpot.

You. Me. This.

Not gonna work.

What bug crawled up your backside?

So you'd rather be holed up in this hotel

than to make sticky-sweet love to me

on the regular aboard the Sheila?

If the amenities fit...

You're the one that don't think we fit

into this fancy-schmancy world

you keep trying to be a part of.

Enough of your lip, Marcel.

I have zero interest of being your bunkmate on your brig.

I am Leslie freaking Thomas.

And I will never--

I repeat, never--

apologize for wanting more

and going after it.

So, Detective...

your watch is over.

I'm done with you being a buzzkill.

So you can get out.

-(muttering) -What?

(door opens)

-(door closes) -(grunts)

I got a very unwelcome visit from Andre.

Yeah. Yeah, your boy tried to issue a warning

to big, bad, bedridden Bill to steer clear of Dani.

As if I have any control over what that woman does,

especially from here.

Well, even though I'm always on Andre's side,

I'm not here for that.

From what I hear, you had quite a scare,

and for better or for worse, we go back

a hell of a long way.

I came to check on you, Bill.

Everybody did seem to have a really great time tonight.

I still think we had fun,

considering what just happened upstairs.

And I'm sure that has something to do

with hosting the party together.

Well, I think your mood might change in a minute.

Well, I know where your head's at,

but my mood will not change.

I'm at your service.

Cleanup on aisle five.

(both laugh)

Coming right up.

I didn't exactly have ideal role models

in the #RelationshipGoals department.

But you can say what you want about your ma and pop,

but they really do love each other

and they have stuck together through thick and thin.

Can't argue with that.

I'm just glad I learned to get out of my own way.

And I'm wishing that Mama would learn to get out of hers.

You mean let go of Ted?

Yeah, but it's even more than that.

Like, she has this idea that she's supposed to be with him,

like it's destiny or something.

It's a really old idea with her.

But if she can just let it go,

at least long enough to find true happiness,

then we'd all be better off.

LESLIE: 65, 66,

67, 68,

69...

Extra whipped cream.

Excuse me?

You like extra whipped cream on your pancakes.

I work at the cafe down on Phoenix St.

and I've waited on you a couple of times.

Oh, sorry.

-(laughs) -I-I just realized.

I remember now.

It's kind of weird seeing people outside of

-where you know them from, you know? -Yeah.

Kind of like seeing your, uh, teacher in the supermarket.

How do you remember me, though? Uh...

You must see hundreds of people, right?

-Mm. Well, I'm good with faces. -Yeah.

So...

What can I get you?

-Bourbon. Neat. -Hmm.

Uh, make it a double.

Mm. That kind of night, huh?

That kind of couple years.

-Mm. -Hmm.

Ah.

Okay, this one's on me.

Oh, thank you, uh...

...Dana. Mm.

Anytime, Whipped...

I probably shouldn't call absolute strangers

by their nicknames.

I mean, it's just that I'm good

with faces and the nicknames help me, you know,

-kind of lock it into memory. -Hmm.

But some people think that it's a little bit rude.

I kind of like the informality.

Change of pace for me.

But, for formality's sake,

my name is Ted.

EVA: I think you don't want

to move anywhere with Marcel

because you are still stuck on Dad.

I hate that you're willing to toss aside a sure thing

for a never-going-to-happen thing.

(Ted and Leslie laughing)

I got a question for you.

-Shoot. -Why is this place so empty?

Well, probably because last call ended a while ago.

Mm, I'm sorry, um...

-I don't want to be that guy. -Oh, no, no.

I-- Look, I don't mind, all right?

I'm like a night owl anyway, clearly.

So, enjoy your drink.

Glad to.

Now I have a question for you.

All right.

-When you first came in... -Mm-hmm.

...you had this look, like you could

definitely use that drink.

-Mm-hmmm. -So...

did you lose a job or a lady?

Mm.

Eh, sometimes losing the lady is...

like a full-time job.

Sounds like that hurts.

-You married? -Nope.

And it's not like I'm dissing the institution or anything,

it's just... the people who tip me,

they tend to have a lot of relationship issues.

I bet.

You know, people assume that it's lonelier

back here behind the bar.

-Mm-hmm. -Hmm.

But actually,

it tends to be the other side that has it worse.

You're very insightful.

Oh. Oh, wow. Okay, I haven't heard that one.

I've heard brazen, funny,

attentive,

-bold... -Direct.

Hmm.

I like how direct you are.

Well, first time for everything, huh?

So, what's your day job?

Ah, that's more than one question.

Okay, humor me.

I am a plastic surgeon.

Wow.

Okay, so we don't get a lot of those in here.

And that is a handy guy to know.

Not with your zygomata.

My zygo-what?

Your cheekbones.

No work needed.

♪ When I think of loving you ♪

♪ It's something that... ♪

You know, I... I need to go.

Now I am that guy, officially.

Thank you for, uh...

...tonight. It was... unexpected.

Mm.

My pleasure.

-Ah. -Ah.

Don't be a stranger, uh, Teddy Bear.

Yeah.

♪ Just like a little baby bird... ♪

(singing quietly)

Yes, room service?

This is 967

and there is something that I need.

-You mind? -Yeah, go ahead.

I'm not going anywhere.

And it's not like there's a line of folks

out there waiting to get in.

Well, from what I heard,

there was a large contingent of Duprees on site

-when they brought you in. -Yeah.

Yeah, they do show up when it matters.

I'd like to think the same for us.

Even now.

You know. There's a lot of water under the bridge.

-More like rapids. -(Bill chuckles)

Yeah, man.

We're good.

I'm glad to hear it.

Yeah.

You and I have definitely lived

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

There's very few people who

can fully grasp on what it means to be married to a Dupree.

Mm. Or how to move on from one.

You know, my boys, they threw a house party once

when I was doing the traveling doctor thing

and they were supposed to be at college.

One too many viewings of Risky Business?

Maybe.

How'd the boys get caught?

There is always a tell.

Um...

pool.

Say more.

Uh, when a two-piece bikini

cost $3,000 to get fished out of the pool's pump.

Oh, say no more.

And if that was all Noah,

let's not tell Vanessa that story.

(laughs)

Well, the bikini, it was the smoking gun, you know,

but I did have a sneaky suspicion

they were up to something,

considering the house seemed a bit cleaner

than it was before I left town.

(Nicole gasps)

Oh, no.

Nicole, I am so sorry.

No, I should apologize for overreacting.

Want to talk about it?

See where it takes us?

The crystal dish was a wedding gift

from one of Daddy's cousins.

It was stupid, the way I...

I don't even know why I still have the thing.

Well, why wouldn't you?

You had an entire life with Ted right here in this house, right?

This is the first party that I've thrown without Ted.

And I don't count getting all glammed up

and hanging out with Dani and Vanessa,

calling it a divorce party-- an actual event.

You actually had one?

Sure, why not?

So be honest with me.

Playing house tonight...

how did it make you feel?

♪ ♪

You walking away from blood and plasma permanently?

This your new gig?

Well, I still got my day job at the lab,

but this is my side hustle.

Lot better than the last one.

What can I get you?

Uh, give me a shot of whiskey and a beer back.

I've had a night.

Well, you know, half the job is listening.

If you want to talk.

It's the least I can do, considering

what all your boys in blue did for me

with the whole blood fiasco.

What's on your mind?

What it always is.

A woman.

I didn't have much choice in my breakup with Nicole.

Once the affair came back, guns a-blazing,

the decision for me was already made.

Ah, well, sounds like you got off easy.

Dani actually packed heat.

Mm. I don't know

which scenario was more tragic.

I mean, the decision in your marriage was yours,

but for me, it was kind of out of my hands.

Mm, I don't know, Ted.

It seemed like there were

at least a couple of windows of opportunity

for you and Nicole to find your way back.

What makes you say that?

All right, look, bro,

I've been on the receiving end

of your ex-wife's fury more times than necessary

since that anniversary party.

All right? And that white-hot rage of hers,

it just means that there's something she's fighting for.

Ah, you're projecting.

Dani might be okay with turning a blind eye,

but Nicole can be absolute.

There's no gray in her mind.

Or at least, there didn't used to be.

Mm.

You know what? I should be going.

You know, hang on a second, bro.

There's something that I've always wondered.

(Bill sighs)

If it was just a good time, I get it.

But it was clearly way more than that back then.

So you got to tell me...

how did you go from Nicole to Leslie?

(sighs)

I don't mean no disrespect,

but help me understand your mom and Ted,

'cause I just don't see it.

Most days, I don't, either,

but I've heard the story enough times from Mama

to know that things were different back then.

My parents met by chance, and, according to Mama,

they had this undeniable connection.

She said they never felt like strangers.

It was fate.

I know a little something about that.

Mama didn't grow up with a lot of friends, or any really.

And with Peaches, they had a falling-out.

So Mama came here to start over.

I think she worked day and night to make ends meet

and not feel too lonely.

Hmm. So, she was alone,

and then Ted.

Yeah.

She said that he treated her like an equal,

not just the invisible waitstaff.

Look, if they'd only crossed paths at a cafe,

they probably would have lived and died with a pancake order.

But the more he came to the bar,

the more they laughed and connected

and became friends.

And Leslie felt seen.

Yeah.

Ted...

Ted.

(sighs)

Tonight with you felt...

...very natural.

Easy.

But an adjustment.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to take us there.

No, no. Sometimes you just got to ride the wave.

Sometimes, it can even be...

...even more exhausting to paddle against the current.

I know you're right.

It's just...

I got rid of most of "our" things

when my marriage went from dreamscape to deceit.

But I did hold on to a few

things that

took me back to a place

that I could rely on.

A time before Ted betrayed our family.

I know that Sarah's passing

is a very different situation than mine with Ted.

But do you still hold on to Sarah's things?

I have an entire storage unit back in Cali.

And most of it's going to go to the boys,

but, you know, there are

a few things that I brought here.

You know, I've learned that just because...

...there's attachments to pain or loss from our past,

that doesn't mean there still isn't beauty in it.

Dana was different.

She showed up at a really dark time in my marriage.

She was funny, you know, kind, lighthearted, warm.

Dana wasn't all bad.

There was a lot of good.

Mm.

So you're saying you never think,

what if you'd done things differently?

TED: My wife and I, uh, we have a son.

We should be enough.

I should be enough.

But she wants more babies.

Mm.

We've been trying for what feels like eons,

but it's been nothing but miscarriages

and failed in vitro attempts.

She barely speaks to me unless we're syncing up our schedules.

That's all she's focused on.

Hmm. It's hard, feeling shut out.

Mm.

-Have you brought this up to her? -(scoffs)

That didn't go over well.

Well, what about a shrink?

I mean, I hear they help,

and, well, it's not like I know.

I've never tried one, though.

Here's the kicker.

She's a psychiatrist.

Mm. (laughs)

TED: Mm-hmm.

Well, they do say that doctors make the worst patients.

Oh, we really do.

I'm sorry. Uh...

I, uh, shouldn't be saying this. I'm...

...divulging not only my business, so...

So...

Yeah. Sounds like you need a friendly ear,

and, uh, I happen to have two.

What makes you so easy to talk to?

It's probably because I don't have any skin in the game.

And if you ask me...

...you deserve to be heard.

Mm.

As much as I want to, uh...

...I can't.

Well, then...

-Here. I got you. -Mm.

Friends it is.

Mm.

You really are a remarkable woman.

And you noticed, Teddy Bear.

You mean to tell me that you took a gig here

instead of working at the clinic for moi?

Well, you know, the hours here might suck,

but the tips are top-notch.

When it's not completely dead.

Right.

I get the appeal.

I was a bartender, once upon a time.

For real?

And why do you look so surprised?

I just can't picture, for some reason.

Oh, well, you should have seen me, hunty,

because I wasn't just good,

I was damn good.

Mm-hmm.

Unfortunately...

my old stomping grounds, Checks and Imbalances...

Well, now it's a donut shop.

The donuts are actually pretty good.

So...

have you ever heard of the drink Black Magic?

Uh, somehow I feel whatever my response to that

is going to get me into trouble.

Mm-hmm.

Well, people loved it,

and they loved me, of course.

TED: Good.

He and my sister-in-law Iris have their hands

full with their little boy.

Well, I would say send them my best,

but I doubt that they've ever heard of me.

So... Mm.

I got you to try a new drink order.

-Mm-hmm. -Can I at least get you

to try something different on the cafe's menu?

'Cause, honey, you just keep eating

the same damn thing, Teddy Bear.

I need you to mix it up a bit. Live a little.

You know, I am a creature of habit.

-But you're right. I should. -Mm-hmm.

I should switch things up.

You've been so good to me. Uh...

There's something that I would like to give to you.

What? (stammers)

Didn't expect our conversation to go that way.

-Mm. -But I do love gifts,

-so lay it on me. -Okay.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. No. Um...

I want the element of surprise, so... Okay.

(Ted clears throat)

Oh...

-Hi, Teddy Bear. -(both laugh)

You know what?

We've got something for you, too.

You've already given me more than I deserve.

Well, let's see...

This time, I still think you...

...deserve to be thanked for that gift.

Hmm?

I, for one, am grateful

that Ted kept coming back for more,

'cause I couldn't imagine a world without you in it.

Thanks.

What?

Sometimes I feel so guilty.

Like, I got a whole life, literally,

and it seems like Mama signed herself

for a life sentence where my dad is concerned.

Like, after their first kiss, Mama was a goner.

Like, she may be crazy now,

but I get a feeling

that she wasn't delulu for feeling that way back then.

Where'd you just go?

Sorry.

I think all this memory lane stuff is hitting on a weird day.

What do you mean? Like, what's so special about today? Tell me.

It's just...

How singular moments can completely change

the course of an entire life.

Right place, right time sort of thing?

For me, wrong place, right time.

If I hadn't been pulled out of "the life"...

...I'd be a goner, too.

I, uh, I recently found out that one of the boys

I used to run with, Dez,

was denied parole.

Oh, Izaiah, I'm so sorry.

I-I told you a little bit about how I came to rely on Joey.

Yeah, I know. You said that he straightened you out.

Yeah, me and my boys, we was... (chuckles)

...we was out there moving weight and

snatching cars and just getting into

all kinds of wild mess.

Oh, you was bad.

But, I mean, I was no angel, either.

Yeah, one night, me and my boy Dez,

we jacked the wrong car.

On a scale of one to...?

Dead.

Just shy of being six feet under.

What do you mean? Whose car was it?

Dude had a rap sheet a mile long.

-Babe, he could have... -Yeah.

Yeah. Tell me about it.

Uh, Joey stepped in.

Saved our asses.

I always said maybe Joey isn't so bad,

but why did he look out for you?

When I went to work for him,

Joey saw something in me.

Potential.

And instead of exploiting it,

he steered me in another direction.

-And your friend? -Had priors.

I didn't, 'cause I had resources,

like Pops and Bill.

And Marcel looked the other way more than once, too.

So...

the next time Dez did something shady again, he went away.

Uh, he got out for a little, but

by then, the cycle was set.

-And now he's... -In Jessup.

No end in sight.

Oh, my gosh, Izaiah, that is so awful.

Yeah. that's why I went to see Joey today.

It just makes you think that when someone reaches out

at the exact moment you need it...

It can be for life.

Uh, don't be stingy with the pour, G.

This ain't Europe.

And heaven knows I can afford a double.

So I've heard.

So, hear any, um, good stories

behind the stick lately?

It's mostly just sad sacks with the same thing on loop.

There was a guy in here earlier that was a little grumpy.

Hmm. That sounds pretty tame.

Well, we all know that tame is a welcome change.

Listen...

I want to thank you.

Sorry. It is rare that anyone

throws, uh, gratitude

in my general direction these days, so...

It didn't used to be like that, but...

Go ahead. Go on.

You threw me a lifeline...

with that job at the clinic when I was at a low point.

Which I seem to remember you drowning.

Or choosing to, anyway.

Hmm?

That wasn't about you.

All right, I'll accept that.

Why'd you offer to help?

You don't even know me.

I told you before...

...I've been in some tight spots in my day.

And I saw that you could use a lift.

(sighs) I think about that moment a lot.

That kiss is what sealed the dissolution of my marriage.

Doesn't sound right to me.

You telling me about my life?

Yeah, well, somebody has to.

Yeah, it was just... just a kiss, Ted. Come on.

See, that's the difference between you and me.

I was crossing the line by flirting with Dana,

visiting her.

That kiss is what ended the gray zone.

With that kiss, I was cheating on my wife

and there is no way around that,

even with your creative legalese.

Nah, bro.

Nah, you could have come back from that slipup

if you had just listened to me.

Hey, I got to get out of here.

I'm invisible to her

and being suffocated by everyone else at the same time.

Can you get someone to cover your shift?

Ah.

I will be there as soon as I can.

And Dana... thank you.

You good, Ted?

-I've been better. -Huh.

Listen, I know you and Nicole have been

going through it lately.

I'd be surprised there wasn't anyone in the DMV

-didn't know how tough things were. -Yeah, okay.

I mean, you know, we all catch bad breaks sometimes.

This is way more than that, and you know it.

All right. Look, why don't we just go back inside?

They're about to bring out the cake, and you know

Vernon's going to launch into some long speech.

No one's going to pay you and Nicole any mind

during his monologues.

-Come on. -Nah, I'm good.

Hey, T-- Hey, hey, Ted. Come on, bro.

Don't. Trust me.

Uh, that's very rich coming from you, Bill.

You can clock out, but there's nothing left to fix.

It's already gone.

(Leslie exhales)

Okay.

-Ted... -Hmm?

Are you sure?

A thousand percent.

I love you, Dana.

You're the only woman I want to be with.

Was there a decision you would go back

and change, if you could?

Just one?

Are you deflecting by humor?

Impressive, for an amateur psychiatrist.

Well, I have learned a lot from my analyst by association.

One decision. Let me think.

(alarm blaring)

Um... we should go.

You know what's funny?

If I regret any choices at all,

it would be the ones I missed out on,

the ones that I didn't deliberately make.

There are a few of those.

I'm not sure I'm following.

My mother recently said, "analysis leads to paralysis,"

and I think I am guilty of that.

I wasn't using my head when I met Ted in Hawaii that night,

and now we have these two amazing,

beautiful children from it.

And then there's you and me.

I had no intention of going on a blind date...

let alone going steady with a nomadic MD.

Mm.

But I felt the pull.

And I went for the ride.

It's those leaps before you look moment that I will never regret.

I am really glad that we met each other when we did.

We both know how layered and complicated

relationships can get when you're starting,

right, new careers and expanding your family.

And just the growing pains from youth to...

More mature individuals.

We don't have that.

Yes, we both have had our lives and our children,

but our relationship...

it kind of gets to just be the two of us, right?

Yes.

Want to call it a night?

Quite a beautiful night.

You know, I didn't see it then,

but you were trying to help me

and not fix something for the Duprees.

Well, both were true.

I had already stepped out on my marriage

and I knew that once you do,

it's damn near impossible to reel it all back in.

And I held hope that you would be a better man.

Better husband to your wife than I was to mine.

I wasn't.

Can't be a little bit of a cheater.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. True. But you stopped.

-All right? You changed. -Yeah.

I mean, once Nicole got pregnant,

we reestablished our connection that had got severed.

We found our way back to each other.

You know? And I made a vow to myself

to atone for what I'd done and make it up to her.

I just didn't clue her into that part.

(Bill chuckles)

But, damn, things would have been different

if my ego would have let your warning through.

Yeah.

And this, uh, staying with Shanice...

that rebound, or...

Definitely "or."

I love Shanice, you know?

Uh, I'm happy. I didn't expect it.

And you? Things good?

Yeah, Hayley and I are great.

-Perfect. -Ah.

Then it all came out in the wash.

You know what? I need to get back to my lady love.

Her shift should be ending now.

All right. Well...

...thanks for stopping by, Ted.

Take care of yourself, Bill.

All right. I will. You, too.

Yeah.

(door opens)

(phone buzzing)

(exhales) People out here think my mama is wack.

And they think Joey's the Antichrist.

But for all their faults, they show up when it counts.

-And they show up hard. -Mm-hmm. They do.

-Yeah. -Now, I always knew Leslie loved you,

but when you were in that hospital,

your mama was like nothing I'd ever seen.

That's why she's so stuck on my dad.

Loyalty to those you love.

Mama lives by that, and so do I.

Here's where you say so do you, boo.

-Obviously. -Okay, boy, you better.

-Shoot. -(phone chimes)

(phone buzzing)

Whee.

I didn't mean to keep you waiting.

Had to make some calls.

-Should I get you a car? -No, no, no.

I reached out to someone that I can always count on,

-and they'll be here shortly. -Ah.

But I still kept you late, so...

I am sorry for being that girl.

Well, if that's the case,

we should have one for the road.

Ooh, another.

Hmm.

Black Magic.

-Hmm? -Mm.

-That's pretty good. -Okay.

Mm-hmm. So that means that this one is on you.

-Mm. -Didn't quite think so.

-Next time. -Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

(shuddering breaths)

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