All language subtitles for blackish.s06e16.1080p.web.h264-tbs-eng

Dre: Fact ‐‐
being a teenager is dumb.

Look at this one trying to
close the deal

wearing his grandpa's
fishing vest.

And she's for sure going to
regret that haircut.

Teenage emotions can climb to
the highest highs

and bottom out
to the lowest lows.

That's because everything is
so heightened, so emotional.

Love is more dramatic.

Music can make you
lose your mind.

Your jokes are funnier.

Your fights are fight‐ier.

And your friendships never seem
more important.

Ever since Diane's sleepover,

she and her friend Sophie
had been attached at the hip.

Both: Oh, my God!

[ Both laugh ]

They could never do anything
without the other.

Which one best says ‐‐
"Don't try me"?

I wouldn't mess with you
in either of those.

It was a never‐ending stream
of "what‐ifs"

and plans for the future...

[ Screaming ]

[ Both laugh ]

and I had never seen
my little girl happier.

♪ 'Cause I'm my own soul mate ♪

[ Camera shutter clicks ]
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I know how to love me ♪
[ Cellphone bloops ]

♪ Love me ♪
[ Both chuckle ]

♪ I know that
I'm always gonna hold me down ♪

Boom.
[ Cellphone chimes ]

First.
You're always first.

I know.

Which is why we weren't
expecting this.

Hey, Mom.

‐Hey, guys.
‐Hey, Mom.

How was school?

They caught a seventh grader
selling access

to the teachers' bathroom
for number twos.

That's disgusting.

It was wild.

Hey, Diane, let me know
when you want to go shopping

for Sophie's birthday gift.

Actually, I don't think
I'm gonna go to her party.

What do you mean
you're not gonna go?

I'm not going to the party,
and Sophie's dead to me.

What?
What?

Just let it go, Mom.

Diane and Sophie are over.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Sophie's dead to you?
What does that even mean?

What happened?

It's fine, Mom.

But you guys were best friends.

Yeah, that was fun for a minute,

but then I realized
having a best friend

really isn't my brand.

Okay.
Uh, she was born
with a best friend.

She doesn't need to be running
around all over town

looking for one.
Uh‐huh.

Anyway, I decided to get
a jump‐start

on being my own best friend.

Hmm.
If it works for Beyoncé,
it works for me.

Okay.

Jack.

What is really going on?

All I know is they don't
eat lunch together anymore.

And Joshua told Emily, who told
Tyler, who heard from Savannah

that Sophie thinks Diane
is too much.

Oh, no.

It's happening.

[ Sighs ]

Yeah.
Diane's in trouble.

What?

Our little girl has experienced
her first heartbreak.

What? I didn't know she was
dating somebody.

She wasn't, Dre.
It was her best friend.

She got dumped
by her best friend!

Ugh. Oh, look, Diane's gonna
be fine, alright?

Friendships,
they come and they go.

That's what happens.

You know that me and Sha
didn't speak for six years?

And we were fine.

You know why, Dre?
Why?

Because male friendships
are garbage.

Female friendships
are a lifeline.

Your best friend is the one
person in the world

that can make you feel
like you belong,

and if she rejects you,

then, I mean, it's devastating.

So make a sad playlist, get
a revenge body, and get over it.

Dre, not everyone can just
get over it.

Sophie told Diane
she was "too much."

Do you know what it's like to be
told that you're "too much"

at a formative age?

It can have
devastating consequences.

This is about Amelia, isn't it?

Of course it's about Amelia!

But they're
friendship bracelets.

I made them for you
because you're my friend.

See, this is what
I'm talking about, Rainbow.

It's just so intense
with your friendship bracelets

and your sleepovers.

You're just way too much.

[ Locker slams ]

Yes, what happened
to me and Amelia

is happening to Diane
and Sophie.

Okay.
She got kicked to the curb, Dre,
for doing nothing!

You sound like me

when I talk about
my first girlfriend, Tamika.

Oh, my God.

She broke up with me on the bus,

and I had to wait seven stops
before I could let it out.

Now, that was a breakup.

This is a breakup, too, Dre.

And you know what?

You know what the hardest part
of my breakup was?

What?
The fact that I was alone.

My mother said that, "If Amelia
is gonna treat you like this,

then she doesn't
deserve you."

Well, I'm not gonna leave Diane

swinging in the wind like that.

No, I'm not!
I'mma fix this.

Do you even know what happened
to Amelia?

I don't have time to waste
on a part‐time doula dog walker

from San Bernardino with a
Red Hot Chili Pepper tramp stamp

who doesn't talk to her sister!

I'm a doctor!
I save lives!

Dre: Pass the ball!
Jack: Here's good defense.

Pass the ball!

Junior:
Oh, we got this. It's all us!
No! That's it!

Okay.
No!

Touchdown!
No!

Yeah!
Yo!

‐Let's go! Let's go!
‐[ Grunts ]

I would've won this game had
Kaepernick been playing!

[ Paper tears ]

[ Ominous music plays ]
Uh.

♪♪

What the hell?

What happened?

Well, we tried to re‐create
the classic Wrestle Kingdom

Okada/Tanahashi match.

I went for the Rainmaker,

and I accidentally threw him
into the wall.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie ‐‐
my grades dipped after that.

We didn't want you to freak out,
so we covered the hole

with a poster.

It was a pretty elegant
solution.

No, it was not!

Ruby: Hey, hey, hey.

What's all the yelling about?

Your grandsons put a hole in one
of my favorite walls.

Don't they know how hard you
work to give them walls?

No, they do not.

When I was your age,
I broke her favorite lamp,

and you know what happened?

You got spanked?

Damn skippy.

I got spanked.

And then I had to put her lamp
back together,

and it was good as new!

You two are gonna need to learn

how to fix things for yourselves

so you don't depend
on other people.

Great.

Well, how do we learn how to
fix things for ourselves?

Damn it, you're men.

Figure it out!

And fix my wall
before anything nests.

I'll handle it, Dad.
Already ordering a new poster.

Fix... my wall.

Yeah, listen.
Hey, hey, hey!

Do it fast.

If squirrels get in that hole,
the house is legally theirs.

Eh? Eh?

Ah.

I understand your concern,
but we can't expel a girl

for not wanting to continue
a friendship with Diane.

Okay.

So how about we aim
a little smaller,

do a "Day of Healing"

about not stabbing your friends
in the back?

Obviously,
we can't do that either.

Okay, it feels like I am
the only one

coming up with suggestions here.

I understand
that you don't get it,

but when I lost my best friend,
school became torture for me,

and I will not let that
happen to Diane.

You think I don't get it?

[ Notepad closes ]

When I was 14,
my best friend dumped me.

[ Gasps ]

And to hurt me,
she told the whole school

that I had sex
with my stuffed animals.

I did not have sex
with my stuffed animals.

Of course you didn't.

But a lot of people believed it.

Oh.

Haven't been able to go
to a reunion.

So you get it.

Dre doesn't understand.
[ Laughs ]

Your husband doesn't understand

not to park
in a handicapped spot.

How's he supposed to
understand this?

Finally, someone hears me.

What are we gonna do, Biggsy?

Well, unfortunately,
as principal,

I can't intervene here.

Ohh.

But as a woman who understands
the pain of getting dumped

by your best friend, I beg you,

do something for your daughter.

Save her.
I will.

I'm gonna start a rumor

that Sophie is dating
her stuffed animals.

No. Nope.

Not like that.
No. Nope.

Not like that.
Not like that.

Hey! Diane!

I got you your favorite
gummy bears

from that fancy candy store.

Cool.
What'd you get me?

Stay out of this, Jack.

Diane.

Do you want to go with me
on a quick, little errand?

What are you up to, Mom?

Nothing.

Promise.

Why are we
on Sophie's street?
[ Brakes squeal ]

Why are we in front
of Sophie's house?

Why are we at Sophie's door?!

This is an ambush, okay?

I got in touch
with Sophie's mom,

and she and I both agree,
sweetheart ‐‐

you guys need to talk.

Whatever is going on
between the two of you

is not worth
losing a friendship over.

Wait.
[ Doorbell rings ]

If you get me out of here,
I will give you gold.

Real gold!

Diane.

Hey, guys!
Hi.

Sophie, Diane is here!

Come on in.

I'm good.

Uh, we ‐‐

we would love to.
Mm.

Hi. Hi.
Hi.

I'm here to drop off
the donation for the fundraiser.

Ohh.

Uh, we're not doing
a fundraiser.

Oh, Dre, you don't have to
lie to me.

I know you've fallen
on hard times.

Mm.
Hard times?

My earrings cost more
than your car.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, you're so silly.
Jack: Oh, Janine.

Thank you so much for supporting
our project.

[ Sighs ]

Donors like you
give our dreams flight.

Ruby: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hold on a minute.

Are they out here telling
the neighbors you need charity?

Oh, hell to the no.

Ten dollars?

I did not expect you to look
in that until after I left.

[ Scoffs ]
Trash.

Here, take it.

Why is she here?

Uh, you said to handle
the situation, and I thought,

"How do people handle problems
these days?"

Crowdfunding.
Mm‐hmm.

We're already
over halfway there.

Honestly, it's the best idea
he's ever had, so...

Mm‐hmm.

"Our home is in constant danger
of collapse,

and so is our family"?

Mm‐hmm.

Does the rest of the
neighborhood know about this?

Well, I can't speak to how many
people have read my e‐mail,

but it was last night's top post
on Nextdoor, so...

Take your money.

We don't need it.

The Johnsons are doing
just fine.

You're being so brave, but who's
gonna be brave for you?

Ah. Ah, ah, ah.
I, uh...

What was that about?

I told you guys to figure this
out for yourselves.

We figured out
how much it would cost

to have someone else fix it,

and we felt like it was
a waste of our resources

to use our own money.

And now you can
crowdfund anything.

Want a limo for prom?
Crowdfund it.

Want to make a mixtape
after being wrongly convicted

on gun charges?
Crowdfund it.

What if your deacon was caught
running a Ponzi scheme

and has to be bailed
out of jail?

Crowdfund it.
Crowdfund it.

Alright, then!
No!

Shut down the fundraiser now.

But Chrissy Teigen gave us $100.

So? Shut it down and figure it
out for yourselves like I did.

Ruby: Hey, y'all!

There's a white woman coming up
the walk with a casserole!

[ Whispering ] Scatter!

Bow made small talk about
midsize SUVs and air fryers,

but really
all she had on her mind

was whether her big plan
would work.

Hey, Mom, do you have milk?

We're doing the ghost pepper
potato chip challenge.

We're about to destroy
our tastebuds.

Look at you two.
BFFs, just BFF‐ing.

Don't be extra, Mom.

Sorry. My bad.
[ Chuckles ]

Come on, honey.
Let me get you some glasses.
Oh.

Whatever was bothering Sophie,
she's over it.
Oh.

She apologized and said

I should definitely come
to her skating party.

As if I would miss it.

Ohh.

Aren't you glad we did this?

Mm‐hmm.

You know, when I used to have
friend trouble,

my mom would wave a crystal
over my head

and tell me to clear
my friend chakra.

Ugh. It's not even
a real chakra.

Mm.
Let's do this, Diane.

Time to make peace with God.

‐Go do it.
‐Mm.

So, not to brag, but I knew,
if we got them together,

they would work this out.

I know!
I'm so relieved.

Ah.

Diane's a good kid.
Mm‐hmm.

Not like some
of those other girls.

Do you know
Emily Copeland vapes?

That's why she always smells
like raspberries.

Exactly.
Unbelievable.

That's why I told Sophie, if she
didn't fix things with Diane,

I would take away her allowance.

You ‐‐ You forced Sophie to be
friends with Diane again?

Technically, I bribed her.
But it's no big deal.

Kids their age don't know
what's good for them,

so I helped it along.

Oh.
And it's working.

They're friends again.

Yeah.

[ Both laugh ]

Diane: Do it.

[ Gasps ] Ooh!

[ Laughs ]
Sophie: Mnh‐mnh!

So, how strict are you about
writing friends prescriptions?

Oh, I'm glad to see
you're working

with your hands
to fix your mistake.

Yep, just like you did, big guy.

[ Laughs ]

Yo!

Where did you guys get
all this stuff?

How did you afford this?!
I know what you get paid!

[ Chuckles ]
That was easy.

There was a guy signing people
up for credit cards

outside of the store.

I got a stress ball
and five percent off,

and I know the importance of
saving money, so you're welcome.

Those cards charge
twenty‐five percent interest!

You're better off making a deal
with a troll under a bridge!

[ Stammers ]

But ‐‐ But you know what?
You know what?

You're working with your hands,

and you have everything that you
need, so there's no excuse

as to why you can't
get the job done.

And when you're finished...

return everything
that you don't need!

Mm‐hmm. Yeah.

Eh, we might want to cancel
the bidet delivery.

♪♪

The night of the birthday
party, Bow was struggling

with the knowledge that
Sophie's invitation was a lie.

Oh, can you take a picture
for me

to send to Sophie
for outfit approval?

I'm trying to make sure I get
three dancing‐lady emojis

before I can walk out the door.

Sure.
Oh!

And, also, I was thinking maybe
we could get another ticket

to the Cardi B concert so that
Sophie can come with us.

Ohh.

And maybe, this summer,
she can join us

on that family trip
to San Diego.

Eh...
maybe we don't need to be

thinking so far
into the future, you know?

And are you sure that you really
even want to go

to this skating thing tonight?

Uh, yes.

It's my best friend's
birthday.
Right.

Plus, people will be falling
on their butts.

Do you think
I'd want to miss that?

Oh, my God.
That sounds so much fun.

Yeah.
You know what else
sounds fun?

No.

Not going.

What?

We could go to any R‐rated movie
that you want.

I'm talking language, violence,
suggestive themes.

Mom, what are you doing?

Okay, fine!
We don't need to do that!

Sweetheart, let me take you
to Sephora.

I will buy you everything
that you try on.

I want to go to the party.

You can drive my car!

I will give you the keys.

Just d‐don't go.

You dragged me to Sophie's house
so we could make up,

and it worked.

Why are you trying to keep me
from going to her party?

Uh, okay, okay.

So, okay, um, you and Sophie are
best friends again because...

her mom made her.

Oh, my God.

I know.

Sophie didn't want to make up.

No.

Now I've been sending her
pictures and emojis

like everything is normal
when... it's not normal.

Come here.

I can't.
Okay.

I have to leave the country.

I've humiliated myself.

I don't just look thirsty ‐‐
I look dehydrated.

[ Gasps ]

Dehydrated Diane.

Oh.

My life is over.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Hey, baby!
Hey, babe.

[ Door closes ]

Hey.
[ Scoffs ]

Are looking up your
ex‐best friend?

Yes.

She just became friends with CVS
on Facebook.

Who does that?

Wow.

This is worse than I thought.

I know.

Do you know that every time
something good happens...

Mm‐hmm.

Like when we got married,

when I graduated from med
school, when we had kids,

I just hope that she finds out

so that she feels bad that I am
no longer in her life.

Hm?

Are you ever going to
let this go?

I don't know.

But seeing all this with Diane,

it just reminded me of being
that sad, scared little girl.

I'm sorry you went through
all of that...
Thanks.

But you went through that,
not Diane.

You don't even know
if she's feeling

the way you did, alright?

You can't dump your stuff
on her.

Ugh.
You're right.

You're right.

This is about
Diane and Sophie.
Mm‐hmm.

This isn't about me...
No.

And this long‐receipt‐loving
whore, Amelia.

Babe!
I know!

I'mma talk to Diane.

Alright.
Okay.

You know what?

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

[ Chuckles ]

She broke her leg while she was
skiing ‐‐ in three places.

Like, she broke her leg.

[ Laughs ]

You're sick.

Hey.

You okay?
Yeah, I'm ‐‐ I'm great.

I'm looking up long‐term
rentals in Bangkok.

I think my new life's gonna be
pretty okay.

Diane, I'm so sorry
I went overboard

with trying to protect you,
but all these years, I just ‐‐

I really wished my mom would've
stepped in and helped me.

But now I realize it's not
a problem a mom can fix.

Got to go through it
on your own.

Even if it sucks.

And it really, really sucks.

You know, it's one thing to know
you're not wanted,

but...
Mm.

It's way worse to get
a pity invite,

especially since it felt so good
to have my friend back.

Ohh.

You know, Sophie and I
were gonna try out

for "American Idol" together?

Do you know that Amelia and I
were gonna marry the brothers

from Menudo ‐‐
Fernando and Nefty?

Who?

God, they were so ‐‐ Anyway, s‐‐

um, don't worry about it.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I know how hard this is.

Is it crazy that I still want to
go to the party?

Of course not, no.

Okay.

I think I'm gonna go.

It'll be fun.

Great.
Yeah.

Great. Okay.

Have fun, sweetheart.

Are you guys ready to see
your new wall?

Please do not pause
for a commercial,

and let's just see
the damn thing.

Ta‐da!

Ah!

Oh, my God.
It looks diseased.

What did you do?

I'm glad you asked.

First, we put a time capsule
in the hole,

including a copy of "Get Out,"
a Popeyes chicken sandwich,

and two letters
to our future selves.

Then we ‐‐ What's that smell?

We stuffed a bunch
of dryer sheets in there

to keep it fresh, and once
the wall was good and packed,

we spackled the hell out of it.

And then it was painting time.

We may have thrown a second coat
on a bit too fast.

That's why it's so bubbly,
but those bubbles

should either evaporate
or stay there forever.

‐Mm.
‐So...

Pretty cool how we matched
the stripes, right?

‐Mm‐hmm.
‐Ah, seamless.

The wall didn't deserve that.

I don't know what to say, Mama.

Looks like these two lack the
skills to handle their business

like I did back in the day.

‐Ohh.
‐Hm!

You mean the botch job
you did on my lamp?

What?

I made that lamp as good as new.

No, you didn't.

It was more Krazy Glue
than it was lamp.

I tossed it and ordered a new
one with my cigarette bucks.

But, Mama, you said you was
proud of me

and that I was finally a man.

I lied.

The important thing is that
you tried, and you learned that,

if you made a mistake, you were
gonna have to fix it yourself!

And that's the lesson that I was
trying to pass on to you two.

You're welcome.

[ Muffled ringtone plays,
cellphone vibrating ]

Oh.
[ Sighs ]

That's my phone.

[ Ringtone continues ]

[ Sighs ]

Maybe you'll have better luck
with the baby.

♪♪

How did it go?

You're back so soon.

Let's just say...

I'm really glad I went.

♪ Is it you? Is it you?
Is it you? ♪

[ Fire alarm ringing, blaring ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]

♪ Is it you? Is it you?
Is it you? ♪

I needed to make sure the
friendship ended on my terms.

Huh.

Thank you for telling me
the truth, Mom.

Oh.

I don't want to be friends
with anyone

who doesn't want to be friends
with me.

Ah. That's what my mom
said to me.

God, Diane, you are so much
better at this than I am.

I'm still holding on to
a 30‐year‐old heartbreak

caused by a woman who still
can't walk in high heels.

Why are you letting this Amelia
live in your head rent‐free?

What?

You're Dr. Rainbow Johnson.

Yeah?

You hold people's lives
in your hands

while supporting
five children...

Huh.
Six if you count Dad.

[ Laughs ]

You hold it down at home
and at work

all while looking amazing.

[ Sighs ]

I don't know this woman,

but there's no way she can
have it better than you.

Thank you, Diane.

Can we be best friends?

I'll get back to you.

Oh. Of course, yeah.
Oh.

You know where to find me,
though.

[ Laughs ]

2020 ghost pepper potato chip
challenge!
Potato chip challenge!

♪ Hey, hey! ♪

Oh, I'm starting to feel it
already.
Yeah?

Yeah! Oh, my God.
Yeah, it's hot.

Yeah?
It's hot.

I swapped mine out
for a Pringle.

What?!

Yeah.
No!

No, but this
is hilarious, Mom.
Oh.

No, it's not hilarious.
Yes!

Oh, my God.
It's starting to burn.

It's starting to burn.
Wait, why did I do this?

I don't know.
Oh, my God. Gimme the milk,
gimme the milk!

Oh, this milk?
No, no. Yeah, that milk.

Gimme the milk.
No, babe, don't ‐‐ uh, babe.

Oh, my God. Oh, God!

Okay.
I've been...

That's so hot.

I've been betrayed
by my daughter!

How could you do this?!

She ‐‐ Aah!

Like this video, guys.

[ Gagging ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

‐Mom!
‐Shh! Daddy's working.

♪♪