Original subtitles

♪

Posso dizer-lhe algo para a direita

♪ entre você e eu justo? ♪

♪ Quando eu ouço sua voz ♪

♪ Eu sei que eu sou finalmente livre ♪

♪ cada palavra é perfeita, porque pode ♪

♪ Eu preciso de você do meu lado ... ♪

É bom.

ah MM. Muito elogiado.

- Sam? - ah, ah?

Alguma vez você já ...

. número

Isso é o que coloquei a minha volta?

meu telefone

Relaxe.

我当时想，噢，我的上帝，

我希望他不是在试图起床这一点。

啊。毛。

好了，你不用说了吧这样，同性恋。

- 它不咬人。 - 嘿！

我们谈到了这一点。

你不能用这个词。

你说！

我被允许。

您不必對此mean之以鼻。

好的，交换。我想成为小汤匙。

那么这个周末你在做什么？

情人节那天？没有。

你不和加里出去吗？

哦，天哪，不。

那是男朋友/女友会做的事情。

你知道那不是我的果酱。

你们已经约会了三年了。

我想你可以称他为男朋友，

其他人都做。

您是否要打架？

那你呢，Samwich？

你还好吗

你的意思是因为这是我的第一个情人节

沒有馬爾科姆？

已經幾個月了。

您準備好重新上馬了嗎？

不會有馬

在我不久的將來有任何形式。

這就是為什麼我很高興能離開這裡

幾天。

不必去參加那些可怕的單身派對

讓別人給我那些可怕的表情

並嘗試讓我和一個名叫Troy的傢伙建立起來

和德文。

我現在還沒有為此做好準備。

等等，你什麼意思要離開這裡？

你要去哪

我的朋友，凱利和克里斯？

高中毕业他们的订婚派对。

我们谈到了这一点。

我意有所指阻止它。

天哪！

你會所有回家的路上一個訂婚派對？

啊。你是一个好朋友。

我是。

说出鬼子。

嗨！

你好吗？

那是什么感觉被“affianced”？

阿菲 - 什么？

Affianced。它意味着参与。

哦!

我喜欢。AF-资助。

像，给我的钱，老公。

不，我 -

- 没关系。 - 这感觉太神奇了！

我们太激动了，你回家了我们党！

问他关于Harry。

我要去，给我秒。

- 问我什么？ - 他是不是要去头脑。

听着，我们有一个小帮个忙。

何事新娘和新郎。

太好了 - 哦，我的上帝。

莫非你......你不介意

給哈利一程？

哈利？哈利是誰？

哈利......特平。

哈利特平。

哎，你不是說哈利特平？

哈利特平誰不喜歡我嗎？

哈利特平誰我取笑

幾乎每天都在高中？

是啊。

你不是認真問我

花9小時獨自在車上

哈利frickin'特平，是嗎？

没门！说没有，山姆。

均田。

这只是你们去同一所学校。

他本来是要开车出去与他的女友，

但我想他们分手什么的。

- 令人震惊。 - 他没有车，

所以他将无法前来，除非...

- 我不知道，凯利。- 说不。

你知道的，给我。我会告诉她。

号停止它。停止。停止。

我们真的希望他在那里。

克里斯真的希望他在那里。

请。

嘿。

那是什么声音？

你在哪？

地狱，显然。

嗯，是的，还好。

我会带哈利。

哦，我的上帝！谢谢！

告诉他我见面学生会早上7点之外尖锐。

如果他是晚了，我向上帝发誓

- 我要走了，不用他。 - 他会在那里。

谢谢你，山姆。谢谢谢谢。

- 星期六见！ - 嗯，嗯。

哇！

你，我的朋友，是一个医学奇迹。

这是你可以在所有的站起来，没有像这样的脊椎一个奇迹。

哦!

- 一切都好？- 他不在这儿。

真是個混蛋

看，这就是关于哈利的东西。

对别人不关心，

恰恰说明了只要地狱他想。

啊。我根本就不应该同意这一点。

不，你真的不应该有。

你总是可以离开。你会天经地义。

好吧，我给他，直到7:15。

早上7:10，你觉得我在做什么？

噢，我的天哪，我在做梦吗？

是的，但它的罚款。我不介意。

- 我介意。 - 闭嘴，加里。

没有人关心你的想法。

告诉他我打了个招呼。

- 加里说喜。 - 嗨，加里。

好了，对不起，我醒你们。回去睡觉了。

不，不，不，我会留在。

现在还记得，

如果他开始什么，

任何，任何辱骂或任何东西，

你只要拉过来

告訴他：“滾開。”

- 得到它了。-說吧

- 什麼？- 實踐。我想听聽你。

我不會...

精細。滾出。

你開玩笑的對吧？

這到底是什麼命令？

我告訴加里要比這更有力地拿起冰淇淋。

再次。

滾出！

再次！從您那些未被充分利用的球中！

滾出！

再次！像狮子，你是！

滚出！

- 对不起。- 好的。

你会没事的，宝贝，没关系。

如果你需要我打电话给我。

我会。再见。

嗯。

我说，早上7点

尖锐。他不在这里，那不是我的错。

而好消息是，

我没有花9小时

在与汽车...

等待，嘿，嘿，嘿，不，不，不，等一下，等一下......

......哈利特平。

嘿! 嘿! 呦！

谢啦。

好吧，我知道我迟到了几分钟，但...

- 尝试20. - ......不是我的错。

看，我的室友昨晚这些杀手的玉米饼。

今天早上我不得不撤离建筑物，

如果你明白我的意思。

它让我有点落后章附表。

但我做到了。

我們在這裡，回家的路上。

沒有傷害，沒有犯規球。

雖然我的球可能

有點犯規，因為

我沒時間洗澡，你懂我嗎？

我...明白了

哦，您介意在The Drip停留一下嗎？

我需要一些嚴重的咖啡因

如果我要成為你的好夥伴。

然後她失去了理智

因為我忘記了我們三個月的周年紀念！

我的意思是，這甚至是一件事情嗎？

像，誰記得那樣的狗屎？

我不知道，

有思想的人？

嗯

當然，您說的是，您永遠不會忘記任何事情。

喲，記得那一次你想起了布朗夫人

我們應該進行一次生物測驗嗎？

每個人都對你如此生氣？

是的，我記得。

因为我研究过像我们应该，

我不想落后，你知道的。

我们在英语和社会科学的大项目。

此外，它是第一次，你叫我“吸住萨米”

所以......不是我可能会忘记。

嘿，谁给你打电话“吸住萨米”？

您。

- 我？ - 是啊。

- 第 - 是啊。

没门。

你说我做的吗？

我给你的昵称？

MM-嗯。

我不这么认为，伙计。

相信我，我记得。

因为你叫我以后吸住萨米，

戴维·格里克认为这将是有趣

打电话给我吸了萨曼莎，

这就是人们称我为高中这样的休息...

我想，我记得是谁开始了。

好吧，我猜。如果你這麼說。

那是一個很好的。

你知道嗎？我被擦了。

我沒睡過三天

因為學期中，所以...

也許我們有一點安靜的時間。

是的 當然可以

知道了

但是，我的意思是三個月的紀念日。

就像，誰甚至在考慮這樣的事情。

然後另一個女孩，我們去這個裸體海灘，對。

Lotta schlongs，也有一些斑點。

無論如何，所以她說我在四處張望

而且我一直在檢查其他女孩在她身邊

她對此感到非常不安全...

所以我抓住她通過電話，

最後我不得不說夠了，我出去了。

你相信嗎，兄弟？

我能相信你讓多名婦女瘋狂嗎

总共精神病破发点？

是。我可以。

哦琦。

- Ouch-- - 所以你只是继续前进。

一旦它变得坚硬或怪异的，

你开始抓感情之前，你只螺栓。

好吧，我 - 我不知道如果我把它完全是这样，但 -

你花了前3个小时讲述每一个细节

你过去五年的关系，

而最令人惊奇的是，

在他们中的每一个单

你这样做绝对没有错。

但是，

他们都有同样的抱怨。

你可曾想到你，也许，嗯，

我不知道，也许，

你有事可做发生了什么事。

你知道吗？你也许是对的。

我的意思是，最起码，我挑了他们。

我必须喜欢的电视剧。

不只是女孩，我約會的最後一個傢伙完全瘋了……

瞧，那正是我-等等，那是什麼？

帥哥 哇...

你是什​​麼意思，“傢伙”？

就像不是一個女孩。

我潘

潘嗎 嗯

你是...平底鍋嗎？這意味著什麼？

同性戀

我...這意味著我沒有偏好

-就性別而言--不，不。沒有。

不，我，我知道這意味著什麼。

你是什​​麼意思

好吧，我的意思是，我曾經稱自己為bi，

但是有人教育我說平底鍋更具包容性

老實說，還有更多...我。

你知道，我很驚訝你還不知道這一點。

我媽媽幾乎把它放在家庭聖誕節的信中

我出來的那一年。

但是，嘿，既然您知道了，

也許我們可以打一些酒吧

在Boystown聚聚。

我的大部分男生都直了，

所以我可以使用一个很好的同志僚机。

老兄，你好吗？

多德？

哇，哇，哇，哇！

我猜一种叫做拉杆断了，

他们必须从汉尼拔得到一份兼职，

所以我们得在那里过夜。

我没事，爸爸。

别担心。

嗯，“怎么哈利？”

他是不同的。

他改变了很多，因为高中。

我的寄托。

啤酒，薯片，

和蛋白质，牛肉干。

这是或猫粮，所以...

哦对不起。

爸爸，我应该去。

好吧，我...

我也爱你。

- 啤酒？ - 哦，哦。

所以，你真的不知道吗？

我真的没有。

以为你有我挂在很久以前。

我为什么要？

我，我知道你抓住了我在你有时发呆。

嗯，因为我以为你讨厌我！

哦!

一点都不。

事实是，我很钦佩你。

对不起。一世...

我甚至不知道什么how--？

我的意思是，你出去了。

在密蘇里州的自由。

我，我只是...

太害怕了

那就是為什麼我取笑你，你知道吧？

因為我以為如果有人

看到我對你很好，然後...

我會因協會而有罪，並且...

是的，我只是...

我還沒準備好。

但這不是藉口。

我絕對不應該那樣對待你。

我是說真的，伙計。我是個傢伙。

我真的很抱歉

那麼，下一步是什麼呢？

畢業之後

好吧，我當時正在考慮去讀研究生，但是...

我不知道，我認為我需要到那裡去

得到一些真實的經驗，所以...

我可能只會參加本地競選。

喜歡政治運動嗎？

嗯

这就是你一直在研究什么？政治？

嗯。什么？

我的那种惊讶。

我的意思是，你似乎是个不错的家伙，还有 -

好男人不要去从政？

均田。是啊。

好了，我们需要更多的好人

在政治上。

否则我们永远不会解决这个混乱的世界中，我们得到了。

嗯？你要去解决这个混乱的世界，是吧？

是啊。我是。

对你有益。

我喜欢。

那么你呢？

什么是未来在商店有哈利特平？

我不知道。我尽量不去想太多。

嗯。

这就是为什么我需要你这样的人身边。

跟我一样的人？

你懂...

驱动，

一点点额外的。

我没有多余的！

老兄，你就像额外的生活定义。

- 不！ - 男人，不管你说什么，

七AM夏普先生。

好的。好的。停止偏转。

现在，我们正在谈论你。

我猜...

我真的知道我唯一想要的是......

一个家庭。

要成为一个父亲。

嗯，你呢？

你想要孩子吗？

我的意思是，说实话，

我想我會太害怕

馬上把孩子帶入這個世界，

就像氣候變化一樣

而且，您知道的只是事物的一般狀態。

我知道了。

我也考慮過這些東西，但是...

我不知道，有時候你只是聽你的心

並相信一切都會成功。

聽你的心...

相信，那不是我的優勢。

我想我們所有人都有一些東西要學習。

你可以相信我，你知道。

我可以相信一個不記得的人

平均三個月？

小熊還是白襪？

還是皇家？

小熊 咄。永遠愛失敗者。

你不能稱小熊為弱者

如果他們贏得了世界大賽。

他們吃了我整個童年的岩石。

他們有可能贏得接下來的十個世界大賽，

and I could still call them an underdog.

Wha-what was your favorite movie?

Okay, but don't laugh.

Okay, I promise.

Up.

Up?

With the, the talking dogs who fly the airplanes?

You said you weren't gonna laugh.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I just...

I never would have thought that

that you would say...

这只是，它是电影刚开始的时候，还好，

在这里你看到整个关系

老人和他的妻子之间

然后她死了。

只是...

这是我第一次知道什么是爱

和......那种爱的我想要的。

哇！

你是那种浪漫的，呵呵的？

我很喜欢那部电影。

你曾经

和高中的任何人聯繫嗎？

-伙計們，你的意思是？嗯

一定不行。

你是否？

我曾經和Scotty Sharp碰面。

就是這樣。

他...很直。

你知道我一直以為不是一點兒直率的人。

-嗯？克里斯

凱利的克里斯？

不，我也是！

現在他和凱利訂婚了。哦!

你知道什么是更加古怪

不是有点同性恋的事情吗？

他和凯利一直以来，像最好的朋友，六年级。

是啊。嗯，你知道他们说什么，

你应该嫁给你最好的朋友，所以...

我猜。但我不认为这是他们的意思。

我不知道，我的意思是，

我想它的优良直人，

但一对夫妇的家伙永远无法做到这一点。

真？

-你不覺得嗎？- 沒門。

伙計們進入朋友圈後，就再也沒有離開過的機會了。

你所希望的最好的事情是一夜可怕的性愛

但很有可能，你會躺得很爛

破壞友誼

說真的，沒有辦法

您最終不會比開始時更糟。

您怎麼能確定？

我的意思是，讓我說

我和馬爾科姆開始是朋友

then, you know, we started dating

and I fell in love with him,

uh, but we,

we weren't having a lot of sex, you know,

and then I find out

that he's cheating on me

with half of his improv group.

I lost him twice,

in one night.

I lost my boyfriend,

and I lost my best friend.

I'm sorry.

你应该得到的方式比这更好的。

也许我应该去洗澡。

我散发着臭气。

♪虽然我们在泳池边，泳池边铺设♪

♪从太阳累了♪

♪淡入淡出漫长的夜晚，漫长的夜晚的...♪

如何？你还好吗？你打他？

不，这是，嗯...

它实际上是非常伟大的。

斯塔斯真的吗？

♪我想和你花，你♪

♪我想和你在一起，你♪

♪只是采取一切♪

♪只是采取一切♪

♪只是采取一切♪

♪只是采取一切♪

♪什么天上的死♪

♪什么时候是活着♪

♪因为永远是你的眼睛♪

♪但永远不是一半的时间♪

♪我想和你花，你♪

♪我想和你花，你...♪

吸住萨米...

那很好笑。

你睡得好吗？

嗯，我是有点寂寞，但...

一切都好吗？

天啊，这是过去十年。

我们也许应该，呃，叫车库。

若见车已准备就绪。

我的意思是，如果我们想让它回家

赶在党。

没有太大的改变，是吧？

这不是真的。

还有阿普尔比在Fuddruckers曾经是。

哦，我们在这里。

- 嘿！聽著。-是的

我真的很抱歉

關於在學校裡這樣的傢伙。

你真厲害

所以我周一要回去。

我當時想早點離開

不想趕高峰時間。

- 那是誰？-那是莉迪亞

你的前任 她來了。

我猜現在她更像我的前任。

你...一起回來。

是的，她，嗯，今天早上發短信。

說對不起

她想解決這個問題

她已經開車過來見我，所以...

嗨寶貝。

回學校見？

-我想你-我也想你

所以我告訴他一切都結束了。

你跟他分手了嗎

分手意味著我們有一定的分手承諾，

我們沒有，但是是的。

He was starting to get all needy and possessive.

Gary... was getting possessive?

He insisted on taking me out tonight, for one thing.

I don't think wanting to take your girlfriend of three-plus years

out on Valentine's Day qualifies as being possessive.

He knew I had plans with you.

What, to go to a Singles Only party?

Yeah, exactly.

You're okay?

Totally!

我松了一口气，说实话。

你了解我。关系只是不关我的事。

除了你已经在一个

几乎我认识你的整个时间。

嗯。

没关系！

布莱恩！

嘿姑娘！

嘿，真正的女孩！

嘿。

两个独奏杯两个独奏。

得到它。

- 干杯，酷儿。 - 干杯！

喔！

大部分的帅哥都聚集

到奇怪乒乓球台。

这是啤酒乒乓为...你得到它。

无论如何，这是在那里你将有好运

除非你进女士。

喔，只是你的基本直的女孩不幸。

酷儿乒乓是的话。

别担心。有大量直肉那边了。

好了，我们走吧。来吧。

谢谢你，布莱恩。

因此很明显，有一个亿的单人在芝加哥，

我仍然无法得到一个日期。

哦，你可以得到一个日期。

你只是太害怕去尝试。

我不害怕，我很挑剔。

挑剔的只是一个借口

所以你不必把自己在那里。

- 不对。 - 真的吗？

好吧，那你知道嗎？我要挑選一些人，

然後您將要與他們交談。

很好 -哦！

關於什麼...

他？

哦，誰，大嘴鳥山姆？

你知道他們怎麼說大鼻子。

-大鼻屎。-gh！

你真噁心 好的。

精細。關於什麼...

他。

哦，失落的卡戴珊兄弟？

我向你保证，他的相机辊

自己95张％的图片。

好，好，好挑剔先生。

关于什么...

工作服？

他是完全的类型。

老实说，有了这样的身体，

如果他不是配不上你，

他绝对是够用了我。

妈的！

- 山姆！ - 我们可以得到在这里呢？

- Sam! - Why? Who is that? You want me to beat him up?

- No. - Suck-up Sammy!

- Ohh! - Oh, too late.

What's up? How you been, man?

Good, man! How about you?

Uh, you know, chillin' like strawberry fillin'.

Li-like in a doughnut.

You know, tasty.

I-I'm kind of wasted.

I'm Harry, by the way.

Oh, I know who you are.

是啊

好吧，恩，你是誰？

這是Stasia，我最好的朋友。

真好

所以，恩，您在“單身派對”上做什麼？

我以為你有女朋友。

-嗯？- 你女朋友。莉迪亞

那是她的名字吧？

您曾與之抗爭的人，

所以你不得不和我一起回家

-然後你們組成了。-是的

- 所以，你抛弃了我。 - 呃，whaa ...

我没沟你，我的女朋友出现了。

随你。

我猜你们是不是还在一起，

看到你可以不记得她的名字？

不，呃，我们分手了

之前，我们甚至有回到芝加哥。

如果您不希望发短信给我回

我们的客场之旅后，

你可能已经知道。

哦，嗯...

是的，對不起，我只是...

我回到了學校，開始上課。

- 你了解我。- 是的，

嗯，在林內之後...

-莉迪亞 - 對。

莉迪亞 Lynnea來了。

在第一個麥克之前。

無論如何，讓我們說我只是覺得

我參與了整個鍋的刻板印象，

-所以我--是哪個？

我們，你知道。。。

“四处转转。” 是，像，称“放荡”的一个很好的方式？

啊，来吧。

我是一个浪漫的。

你知道的。

我只是在寻找先生...

太太...

人格权。

卜但你知道他们说什么，

精神错乱的定义是做同样的事情

再三，一而再再而三

并期待不同的结果，

so... I decided to pull the plug,

go full monk.

No more dating. Totally celibate.

You... are celibate?

For how long?

Okay, it's only been a couple of days.

I'm serious about this.

- What? - Um...

- What? - You know what?

- Stasia? - Oh my God!

I'm gonna get a refill

or some embalming fluid.

Because that would be less strong. My God!

Ugh!

Okay. So if you're so serious about not dating,

why are you at this party?

Oh yeah, my friends dragged me.

Oh.

Plus I've been painting my new apartment,

and I needed something to clean the paintbrushes.

So, uh, what have you been up to

since graduation?

I'm, um...

工作纳迪亚丘斯托。

我要知道是谁吗？

我不知道，你跟她约会？

不，她竞选市长。

她是一个，一个真正的进步，

它是我工作的一部分，以确保你这样的人

知道她是谁。

所以你一样，负责公关什么的？

呃......不，我刚刚开始。

我是她的社区组织者之一。

这基本上就像从志愿者一步了。

嘿，没必要感到尴尬。

我折叠衬衫这些天。

嗯，这是......，嗯...

是that--对不起，你从来没有真正告诉我你的专业。

是IT零售

或者，嗯...时尚？

这很难相信吗？

均田。

哦，不。我，我没有时尚大。

我学的东西比这更重要。

- 咦？ - 营销。

呃...

- 什么，你来看我... - 锰锰。

- ...先生。政治。- 一点也不。

是啊。是啊，是啊，你是。我可以告诉。

你觉得政治是啊？

这只是营销的同一候选人不同的方式。

他们并不都是一样的。

纳迪亚丘斯托希望为大家的医疗服务。

She wants more money for public education.

She's even looking at a plan right now

to get cars out of the downtown core.

Talk about a game changer!

- Settle down, AOC. - Oh!

I, I believe you.

You're seriously not dating right now?

Okay, I should probably go, uh...

check on Stasia, make sure she's not terrorizing anyone.

Oh, uh, okay.

Yeah, and I'll get some more of this

uh, you know, paintbrush cleaner.

Yeah, I'll take another one if you're going.

Uh, okay. Uh, yeah. Sure, I got you.

Hurry back.

Oh my God!

He's adorable.

How come in all the millions of times you've told me

the story of the road trip from hell,

you never mentioned how fricking hot he is.

I don't know.

你應該全力以赴。

他現在不約會。

哦拜託。

他基本上是在求你給他一個理由

打破貞操的誓言。

如果我從政治中學到了一件事，

那是你不能讓某人為你的候選人投票

如果他們根本不參加民意調查。

您沒有競選公職。

您正試圖被解僱。

你了解我。我不这样做的，

你知道，随便一个晚上的事情非常好。

当然。

但你永远不会得到第二晚

如果你不这样做的第一个，Samwich。

现在，从这里走出去，并抛出自己

在那个炎热的一片人，屁股

之前，我打电话给你妈妈，告诉她你戒烟治疗。

精细。

等待。

- 第No-- - 不，它的脱落。

- 它的到来了。 - 好吧，好吧，好吧。

♪我喜欢你说话的方式♪

♪我喜欢你穿的东西...♪

♪我想你的电话号码刻在了我胳膊♪

♪在墨，我发誓♪

♪当清晨来临”的原因♪

♪我知道你会不会有♪

♪每次我把你身边消失了...♪

嘿，兄弟会桨。

我最近单身，

并且我会要你带我到某种

卫生间或衣橱

和刚刚拧我遗忘。

没有名字，没有欲望，没有需求，

只有两个动物会吧。

你认为你能为我做的？

Attaboy。

♪我知道你会不会有♪

♪我每次转身，你消失了...♪

尼斯移动。

哦耶？你喜欢？

Yeah, sure.

It works in a, like, is-there-an-earthquake

or-is-he-ahead-of-his-time kinda way.

Thanks, I think.

Did you just...

Are you flirting with that guy?

What? No.

Yes, you were.

You just gave him one of these.

- I-- - I mean, I get it.

He's super hot.

You should totally ask him out.

那不是调情。

你看，我不在乎。

只要拥有了它，独身先生。

我没有调情。

你看，我不会打你就可以了...

但你绝对没有。

好吧，你表现得像个怪物。

有什么是你想说什么呢？

我不是一个怪胎。

你是个怪胎。你是一个怪胎

谁也不能保持他的马在谷仓里。

是这样吗，格兰帕？

好吧，至少我不怕骑马。

- 哇！ - 嗯。

嗯，这是不是被圈地小丑更好。

那有什么意思？

我想你知道。

嘿，呃，我会得到这里走出。

我刚刚过性行为，这家伙，

而且他等待在浴室第二轮

我只是没有它在我身上。

大。我也跟。

没有什么让我在这里。

好见到你，哈利。

♪我每次转身♪

♪你消失♪

♪我对你的爱♪

♪我对你的爱♪

♪很高兴见到你♪

♪我对你的爱♪

哦，拜托，你缺失的环节。

嘿，我们得尽快离开。你需要做好准备。

这是什么，黑色领带什么的？我准备好了。

你可能会想提出一些裤子。

嘿，你是一條毛巾。

去準備吧

哈里，我們都知道你們要等到最後一秒

然後很快地撕開一些褲子，但是

你要檢查一下頭髮

你要花20分鐘

使它看起來像您沒有檢查頭髮。

所以下車吧-

扎克，別騎我。

我只想結束競選，好吧。

首先...

你希望我騎你。

喲，當你與我同住時，我會喜歡的。

你需要下崗。

做好準備。現在！

對不起，男孩。

我們剛剛說到哪了？

哈利！

那又是誰組織的呢？

我的侄女。

哦耶。它從8:00開始，對吧？

我們應該做到。

Sorry. It's just the campaign is really ramping up,

what with the primaries next month.

You know, she asked us not to be late, Sam.

Uh, Usain Dolt, can we chill?

Eat my dingleberries.

That was rude!

No, making me late for my girlfriend's trivia night,

that's rude!

Dude, you really need to start meditating or something.

This kinda stress isn't good for your heart.

看到？准时。

她真的想，以确保我们在本周夺冠，

所以她带来了一对夫妇铃声

处理所有的东西，我们都不知道。

- 像什么？ - 艺术和政治。

- 嗯。- 等一下。

- 他们在这儿。- 谁？

我的叔叔保罗和他的男友山姆。

拉屎！我们能去吗？

- 什么？为什么？ - 这只是，嗯...

我现在不感觉特别琐碎。

噢，我的天哪，放松。

来吧，萨姆。我们开工吧。

- 嘿。 - 嘿！

很高兴见到你。

你还记得扎克，保罗叔叔。

- 我当然是了。- 很高兴见到你。

而且，嗯，这是萨姆。

山姆，这是我的男朋友扎克。

哦，这是哈利，他的室友。

你好。

好的，伙計們，我們有七個殺手er

今晚的《死亡瑣事》。

因此，請坐下。我們即將開始。

是公路旅行中的哈利嗎？

天啊。我不知道

-對不起，寶貝 - 沒關係。

那我妹妹好嗎

所以你要和南希的孩子約會，對吧？

他的名字叫保羅，謝謝，

他真的很棒。

我不能帮助它，如果他是超级智能

和超帅和一个超级成功的艺术经销商。

所以，如果我是什么？

他约会？

你为什么在乎？

如果我知道你是为有钱的老家伙，

我会向你介绍我的祖父。

这是超级年龄歧视。

至少我不是一个人 - 妓女。

劳驾。我一直独身数...

今年的日子。

那麼，這些天你在哪里工作？

還在折襯衫為生嗎？

事實上，我不是。

-真的嗎？-嗯？

你在做什麼？

我在電信。

- 哦耶？嗯

你為誰工作？

我在碼頭的售貨亭裡賣電話。

現在可以安靜嗎？

他們開始了。

好的，伙計們。現在我們知道它是如何工作的，對嗎？

第一支以正確答案敲鐘的球隊得到1分。

在每個回合結束時，

得分最低的團隊將被淘汰。

問題一：

什麼是第一個多平台

網頁瀏覽器？

鑲嵌。

正確。請不要傷害自己。

一分，五隊。

Question two:

what is the biggest island

on Earth?

Greenland.

- Nice. - Yeah!

Come on, everybody knows that.

Question 32:

what nut can you use to make an explosive?

Peanut.

EmceCorrect.

Peanut-brained, am I right?

Who was the first baseball team to win

80年代的兩個世界冠軍獎杯？

紅衣主教？

不怕。其他人？

道奇！

這就是我們正在談論的。

該死的，哈利！

我以為你的小朋友

有體育報導。

保羅，那有點困難。

哪個國家是第一個使用紙幣的國家？

中國。

- 木星。 - 乐水。

哈库纳玛塔塔！

亚历山大索尔仁尼琴！

耶和华见证人。

哦，对不起，三队。

这是错误的，你指出来。

好吧，伙计们，所以这意味着

我们下到我们最后的两支球队。

因为我们已经走的方式随着时间的推移，

我们要猝死这位母亲！

为胜利的一个问题。

類別是...

藝術史。

好的。這位畫家的醜聞畫

一個女人的畫像幾乎毀了他的職業生涯

1884年在巴黎展出時。

圖盧茲洛特雷克！

不錯的猜測！不怕！

五隊，您有30秒的時間給我正確的答案

為了勝利，否則我們又去了。

是馬蒂斯。是馬蒂斯。

嗯，不，不是。

这是萨金特。

这是我的生意。

这是马蒂斯。

这是一幅画，他做了他的妻子。

我告诉你，这是约翰·萨金特。

- 十夫人 - 二十秒。

如何地狱，你知道吗？

他还做了一堆裸体帅哥的图纸。

我偷了一本关于他从图书馆

所以我可以捶掉它。

有时后我就完成，

I would, you know, read it.

Okay, I say we go with Uncle Paul.

- Yeah. - Uh, no way. Harry's right.

- Ten seconds. - I vote Harry.

Okay, um, Sam,

you get the deciding vote.

Wh... uh!

Sam, are you serious right now?

You really think that this pair of shoulders

knows more about art history

than I do!

Come on.

哈利！我说，我们与哈里去！

约翰·辛格·萨金特！

那是对的。

EmceCongratulations。

全队五人是赢家。

啊! 一世...

恭喜大家。

山姆，我们走吧。

其实，我想我会留下。

你知道吗？

你是个孩子！

再见。

My mother never liked him, anyway.

Ohh!

"You are a child!"

- He's not British. - Are you sure?

What's it say on his passport?

Pretentious?

Is that a nationality?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

- I know you liked him. - No,

not really, I just...

You know, you get what you settle for.

You know what I mean?

Plus his apartment was sick!

- Was it? - Yeah.

Anyway, you guys get a table,

- I'm gonna say hi to Stasia. - I know. Great.

Well, well, well, look who the hell it is.

Mwah!

This is a surprise.

You haven't been here once since you started dating Paul.

Yeah.

Well, except that one time,

he had an allergic reaction to the soap in the bathroom

and you had to leave.

Yeah.

Where is His Royal Highness?

I think...

that we broke up.

For real?

For real.

Oh, thank God!

Ohh!

I am sorry, Samwich, I hated him.

- I know! - He was literally the worst.

Well, he was great in bed.

He was?

No.

Hi, Nick!

Oh my God. He's here all the time.

That's so sweet.

It's not sweet. It's stalkery.

It's not stalkery when you're dating.

We are not dating. We're...

hanging out.

Well, you've been hanging out

for six months.

You're ridiculous.

Oh my God, Harry's here.

What is going on?

We ran into each other tonight.

It's a long story. The main thing is

that I realized my mistake all along

was thinking that we could ever be more than friends.

As long as we keep it

in the friend zone, we're good.

He's fun...

and funny, and he's actually pretty smart,

which for some reason, I never knew, but...

he's definitely not boyfriend material.

I need someone grown up.

You know what I mean? And that's not Harry.

Okay, got it. Harry it ain't.

Harry it ain't.

Now can you do your job like a good little bar wench

and fetch me four beers.

You're so into him.

I am not.

Bro, what are you talking about?

Dude, you're staring at him.

No, I was staring in his direction

because I haven't seen Stasia in a while,

and I wanted to wave hello.

Which is something a Neanderthal like yourself

would never knew is that

that is the courteous thing to do.

Yeah, well, you've, you've always been very courteous.

I am.

Dude, you literally farted at the dinner table last night.

That was a medical condition.

Yeah. You're full of shit.

Just like you are now, dude. I know you.

Zach, shut your gob before I tell April

what I saw on your computer this morning.

What?

Okay, we're just friends, man.

Like, let it go. For real.

For real for real?

For real.

First round's on Stasia!

To celebrate my breakup.

Stasia.

- Thank you. - Mwah!

- See? Courteous. - Yeah.

- To Sam's breakup. - Hmm.

To Sam's breakup.

♪ If we never met ♪

♪ I'd be drunk, waking up in someone else's bed ♪

♪ I'd be lost in a crowded room... ♪

Aww!

Thanks, Harry.

♪ What if I never started singing? ♪

♪ What if you never ♪

♪ Told your family you were leaving? ♪

♪ When you felt the pressure ♪

♪ There's a million different reasons... ♪

Okay, one of the daughters

of... of the Kardashians.

But they don't have the same last name!

There's a Kardashian daughter

with a different...

♪ And baby, when I close my eyes ♪

♪ I'm thinkin' about ♪

♪ If we never met... ♪

...best beans in the world.

♪ I'd be drunk, waking up in someone else's bed ♪

♪ I'd be lost in a crowded room of fake friends ♪

♪ I wouldn't even know what love is... ♪

Harry, stop it.

All right, enough pouting, let's go.

All right, dude, are you serious?

Okay, no, leave it.

Leave it as a tip. Come on.

Just drop it. Yep.

- Thank you. - Let's go.

So that's why the fat lady sings.

- I don't get it. - It's because she's...

Because she's happy about all the sex.

- That's good! - Okay. Yeah, yeah, got it.

- Oh wait, hold on. - Oh.

- Eyelash. - Oh.

Make a wish.

Um...

♪ If we never met... ♪

I gotta pee.

♪ I'd be lost in a crowded room of fake friends... ♪

Hey, thanks for helping out at Pride today.

You were great.

We got a lot of voters signed up.

Oh yeah, you can't say no to Sam, right?

Speaking of Sam,

are you guys like a thing?

Like, a, a couple?

- Me and Sam? - Yeah.

Uh... no, no, we're just friends, but--

Okay, cool, would you happen to know if he's seeing anybody?

Uh, if Sam is seeing anyone?

Uh, no. He's, he's not.

You know, I just wanted to make sure

before I ask him out.

Yeah, uh, I mean, you should definitely do that.

But you should know that he's...

he's pretty much straight.

Here we go!

He's s-straight?

Really?

Wow, did not see that coming.

♪ Everybody needs somebody ♪

♪ We can't make it on our own ♪

♪ Turnin' up late at the party ♪

♪ Ain't goin' home ♪

♪ Let me take you there ♪

♪ Let me take you there ♪

Hey, Sam, let's go have another drink, all right.

I don't think I can.

I am o-blitch-erated.

We're gonna get another drink, all right.

Get it, bitches! Whoo!

♪ Oh, come on, stay the night, yeah ♪

♪ Stay the night, yeah ♪

Hey, two, two tequila shots and a couple beers.

Shots? Harry, no!

Bottoms up.

Tops, too! Don't be bottomist.

Happy Pride, Chicago!

How is everybody feeling tonight?

Can you feel the love?

'Cause that's what it's all about, right? Love.

Everybody wants it. Everybody needs it.

So why aren't we giving it away?

Whoo!

What are you waiting for?

Find you some love tonight.

Or at least get you some ass.

What?

S-so did you mean that thing you said?

About how when guys become friends,

they can never be anything more than that?

One billion percent.

You either end up having bad sex

or ruining the friendship, or both.

And there's no exceptions?

Like, ever?

None. Zero.

No even for...

you and me?

Not even you and me.

Like I'm going to date the guy who bails on relationship

faster than my parents' dog eats cat poop.

Oh my God, I love this song!

Whoo!

♪ I want you ♪

♪ Baby, be mine ♪

♪ Won't you be mine? ♪

♪ Wanna make you mine, boy ♪

♪ Tell me now what can I do... ♪

I'm gonna go find my friends!

Happy Pride!

♪ What can I do? What can I do? ♪

♪ What can I do to make you my lover? ♪

♪ What can I do? What can I do? ♪

Damn, Stasia,

leave it to you to find the only straight guy ...

♪ Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, ♪

♪ Kiss my lips ♪

Um, when did you become the world's laziest roommate?

Don't worry. I'll get it.

Oh. Harry's here.

- Hi, Harry. - Hey.

- How're you doing? - What's up?

Hey, Samwich!

What?

You never call me that. That's Stasia's name for me.

- Oh, is it? - Hmm.

Heh. I guess it is.

Those donuts?

Is Harry here?

I thought he was up there. With you.

Huh.

Whatcha playin'?

Crackdown 3.

Oh, I love that game!

Let's get it, girl!

So listen,

can I tell you something?

Oh yeah? What's that?

It's, it's nothing bad.

Oh, I didn't think it was...

Good. I just, whenever anyone says,

"We need to talk," it's usually something bad, so...

Oh, well, you didn't.

What?

You didn't say, "We need to talk."

You said, "I have to tell you something."

Oh, I, I...

Yes, I did.

So?

So, uh, Stasia and I...

kinda made out last night.

Oh wow!

That's... Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. At, uh, Pride.

- Hmm. - I hope that's okay.

Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

Right.

I mean, I, I told Stasia that,

but she kinda got in my head a little bit.

So I, uh, snuck out as soon as I woke up this morning.

You snuck out of where?

My bedroom?

So...

you and Harry have a good time last night?

As a matter of fact, we did. Why?

No reason.

Just, uh... I'm glad it was a fun time

if you're both gonna ruin your relationships with Sam.

We didn't. Sam's not gonna care.

I mean, Sam's not into Harry that way.

He said so. Like... multiple times.

Okay.

What?

You think he's gonna be weird?

Stasia... spent the night?

Uh... yeah.

- And you guys... - Uh-huh.

Cool.

What, you couldn't find any other randos to hook up with?

So you had to start poaching from the home team?

It wasn't like another one-night stand or anything like that.

No, we didn't just smash and dash, you know.

We didn't just sleep together, Zach. Okay.

We actually like each other, all right.

That's... great!

Yeah, she's really funny

an-an-and fun.

He's actually really smart.

- Really smart? - You know, and he's not all clingy--

An-and she's so, you know...

her own person.

Like you.

I woke up this morning, and he wasn't even there.

And you liked that?

- Maybe you two are perfect for each other. - Right?

I mean, how crazy would it be.

If your two best friends

became, like, a couple.

A couple.

That would be crazy.

Well, I, I should probably get back to Stasia.

She's gonna wonder where I am.

Maybe I should take those.

I could tell her I went to get donuts.

Yeah.

I love you, man.

I love you too.

Who wants mimosas?

Me!

I heard you got a new job?

Yes! Finally! No more bartending!

So what is it?

Oh, uh, I'm working for Windy City Beat,

doing all their, like, alt events and stuff.

Oh great.

Yeah, they wanted someone to curate a bunch

of cool, non-touristy stuff every week, so...

Sounds perfect for you.

It is!

And what about you? You still working down at the Pier?

Uh, no. God, no, um...

Actually, Stasia got me a job bar-backing at G and O.

Wow, nice.

Yeah, but then she up and left me, so...

I up and left him.

Aw, so sad.

Uh, waitress! Uh, we're gonna need a lot more alcohol,

like, right now.

- Thanks. - Oh my God, Zach.

- Ha ha ha! - So stupid.

And I knew he was lying.

Who would have improv rehearsal after midnight?

A lying liar, that's who.

But Malcolm, he would never admit

that anything was going on.

No, no, no.

Not me, he said.

I would never sleep with Doug or Eddie.

Sam.

Why are you talking about this?

This happened a long time ago.

And then...

I came home early one day

and I caught him

in the shower with Doug.

And Eddie.

There he was.

Malcolm in the Middle.

You know what I mean?

But it's okay.

Just... you gotta move on.

Like Harry.

Harry moves on all the time.

That's what he does.

Whenever things get...

hairy.

Get it?

As soon as things get hard,

Harry just

cuts and runs, you know.

That's just the thing about Harry.

Cut and run.

Just for fun.

- Harry's my name. - Sam.

That's my game.

Sam.

But when he does that,

I'll be here.

For you.

Stasia.

Anastasia.

Anaphylaxis.

See, now that's a good drag name,

Ana Phylaxis.

One bite and she'll kill you.

Oh see. Look, she's in anaphylaxis shock!

You're an asshole.

Oh!

Thanks, man.

Am I to surmise from the fact that you're sitting here in the dark

that brunch did not go quite as you might have liked.

There have been funerals for children

- that aren't as awful as that brunch was. - Oh!

Oh my God, I'm sorry.

Well, at least you did it.

Good for you.

Good for me.

Hey, have you heard of, um,

of that new gay dating app?

Buff or Gruff or...

No.

Why, are you leaving Eddie?

Looking to spice things up?

No, dumbass. For you.

I'm not signing up for some--

Look, it doesn't have to be that,

but I did not March on Washington

and Act-up and Fight AIDS for all of those years

so that you could waste your life,

locked in that malodorous bedroom,

furiously masturbating to what can only be described

as moderately shameful amateur pornography.

And listen, if you want some privacy,

you need to invest in headphones.

But I'm worried about your health.

I mean, my God, your poor bologna pony

must need a break.

Is it, is it bruised?

- Or chafed? - Okay.

Does it need arnica ointment--

Okay, I will do... something.

Just please stop talking about my penis.

Fine.

You deserve someone to love, you know.

And someone to love you.

And seriously, if you need arnica,

I have some right upstairs.

Go!

All right.

But do the dating app.

One date.

Or else I'm raising your rent.

Let's meet at Em's.

I'll be in the fourth booth from the door,

wearing a green polo.

A blue polo.

A lime polo.

A burnt orange polo.

We can check each other out and have a drink.

And if we both agree that the first drink goes well, well,

we can take it from there.

Hey.

Oh!

Sorry, I, uh, I think I'm having

an allergic reaction

to... something.

Listen, may be better we just call it a night.

So, now I'm on my third race for alderman.

I mostly do volunteer coordination,

get out the vote, stuff like that.

I work in politics too!

- No way. - Well, I used to.

Now I just help run the Obamas' local foundation.

You wanna get outta here?

♪ I've been thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ Wondering who's stuck in your head at night... ♪

And I'm a Cubs guy.

I mean, you gotta pull for the underdogs, right?

That's what I always say.

Uh, ow.

Sorry, you, uh...

you had something in your hair.

- Oh, thanks. - You were saying.

Oh yeah.

I like you.

A lot.

I don't like to take things too fast

- before we talk about monogamy. - Yeah, no worries.

- It's just really not my thing. - Once we get serious, I'm super faithful.

Oh!

♪ Early in the morning ♪

♪ Think about you all day... ♪

Nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you too.

I've been on a few messy ones of these,

so it's nice to meet someone cool.

You are really handsome.

Wow, thanks.

Back at ya.

I'm sorry. I don't think I ever got your name?

I'm Sam.

How about you?

I'm Harry.

I gotta go.

You're home?

How was it?

- Not for me. - Why not?

Just wasn't.

You keep finding problems with everyone.

They can't all be the wrong guy.

What was he? Stinky? Wiggy?

Non-monogamy-y?

No.

Harry.

Like, super hairy?

- Uhh... - Like, fuzzy all over?

You know, I used to date this total sasquatch.

Loved it. Never needed a blanket.

No. He was great.

Smart, funny, handsome.

Moderately hirsute.

So?

His name was Harry.

Oh.

He wasn't your Harry, huh?

Oh baby.

Obviously, it's January.

It's too cold for canvassing.

But we've got training events

every weekend from now until March,

when we should be able to start hitting the streets.

So, uh, we're in a good place.

Uh, I'll get you the final volunteer numbers.

Thanks, guys.

Hi.

So I'm getting married.

You...

You're, uh...

Oh my God! Congratulations!

Look...

I know we haven't been exactly close the last year.

God, what's it been, like a year and a half?

Well, yeah.

You know what? It doesn't matter. Anyway, um...

the thing is...

I don't really like a lot of people...

except you...

well, and my fiancé, I guess.

And, um...

I just can't imagine getting married

without you there.

I mean, you've been my best friend since the first day of college,

and I just...

Is there any chance you'd be my Man of Honor?

"Man of Honor"?

Uh...

Is that even a thing?

It is if I say it is.

Is Harry cool with it?

I mean...

I assume so, but...

Well, don't you think you should ask him?

Why would... why would I do that?

Because he's the groom?

Oh no.

No, no, no, I'm not...

No, I'm not... I'm not marrying Harry.

I'm marrying Zach.

You... you're...

Zach?

You didn't know?

No! No! No!

I mean, I stopped following you guys

on social media, and then I...

I kinda wondered why you never got back to me

when I texted you after Harry and me broke up.

You didn't say that it was about that.

And then, and then, you know, I was a little...

embarrassed about the way that I acted at brunch, but--

Oh my God, I'm sorry.

And when I didn't hear from you.

I, I figured you didn't wanna hear from me,

- so... - I--

Oh my God! I am sorry too.

But then this happened,

and I figured somebody had to make the first move. So...

The only reason Harry and I lasted as long as we did

is because we both felt so...

shitty about what we did to you

that we kind of...

had to make it work, you know.

Well, that and we did really want to prove you wrong

after all that nasty stuff you said at brunch, but

mostly, we felt like...

if we ruined our friendships with you...

it had to be love.

Only... it wasn't.

And I finally realized

that every time I was going over to their apartment,

the person I was hoping would open the door was...

Zach.

And I tried to fight it. I mean, I really did.

Zach is so straight and average.

You know how I feel about that.

I don't know.

I just...

I just love him so much.

And the gravitational pull of that is

so much greater than any ideas

I had about myself or my life.

So...

what do you think?

Will Harry be there?

Oh no. No, he's, like, really mad at us.

Yes.

Yeah, I would be honored.

- When is it? - Oh!

Valentine's Day.

- Ugh. Isn't that gross? - Oh ho ho!

But Zach's parents got married on Valentine's Day,

and it was important to him, so...

But don't worry, okay.

We're not doing a rehearsal dinner

or bachelorette party

or shower or anything like that.

Just a simple party

that night.

Wow!

You look amazing.

You like?

A twist on the traditional. Like me!

I love it.

I'm so happy you're here.

You said he wasn't coming.

I lied.

Sorry to ambush you.

I, uh...

asked Stasia to embellish a little

'cause I didn't think you'd come

if you knew I was gonna be here.

It's good to see you.

I've missed you.

Can you believe that Stasia is getting married

on Valentine's Day?

She likes to think that she's so edgy,

but let's face it,

she basic.

Yeah.

It's, um...

big of you to be here,

after everything that happened.

Uh, not really.

I mean, I was never in love with Stasia.

I love her. I just...

Mostly I'm just glad she's happy.

So how come you never called me

if you missed me so much?

I mean, it's not like I blocked your number or anything.

I guess I figured you wouldn't wanna talk to me.

Or that I didn't deserve to see you again.

I mean, you made it pretty clear

how badly I hurt you.

Well, uh, I should probably get a drink.

It's good to see you.

The only reason anything happened with Stasia

was 'cause...

'cause I was trying to get over you.

Why would you need to do that?

Ever since, uh, that trip home...

ever since we became friends...

I guess I kinda wanted something more.

And then at Pride...

remember that?

I was just trying to work up the nerve to tell you

that I was in love with you,

but you made it really, really clear

that nothing was ever gonna happen.

Because you never said anything!

I know.

And then I ruined everything.

The worst part is that

you were my favorite person in the world...

and in one night, I lost you twice.

I, um...

I, um...

was?

Past tense?

You said that I was your favorite person.

No, stupid.

You are.

Always will be.

You are the smartest, funniest,

strangest person I have ever met,

and I love everything about you.

I love that you need to control everything...

and that you don't trust a cashier to give you the right change.

Well...

I love that you never forget anything

and that you need to explain half of your jokes to me.

And I even love how crazy I make you,

'cause I know that means I matter to you.

And...

mattering to you is kinda all I ever wanted.

♪ If the world was ending ♪

♪ You'd come over right ♪

♪ You'd come over you'd come over ♪

♪ You'd come over right ♪

♪ If the world was ending you'd come over right ♪

Anastasia Hooper,

you're the most beautiful...

authentic...

thrilling woman I've ever met,

and I can't believe I get to spend

the rest of my life with you.

You surprise me.

You challenge me...

a lot.

You make me want to be a better version of myself.

I can only hope to do half as much for you.

I feel like the luckiest person in the world right now,

and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life

making sure you feel that way too.

♪ Never was an early riser ♪

♪ Used to be an up all-nighter ♪

♪ Never saw the mornin' light ♪

♪ Quite like I do now ♪

♪ Never said no to a party ♪

♪ Never started savin' money ♪

♪ But everything is different ♪

♪ Since you've been around ♪

♪ It's the way you're smilin' at me ♪

♪ It's in the way you hold my hand ♪

♪ It's the way I've watched you change me ♪

♪ From a boy into a man ♪

♪ It's a million things about you ♪

♪ And I don't know what it is ♪

♪ But I have never known a love like this... ♪

Can I take you home now?

Yes.

♪ Never used to get excited ♪

♪ To sit here in the silence ♪

♪ Holdin' on to somethin' ♪

♪ The way I'm holdin' you ♪

♪ Didn't used to know how fast time ♪

♪ Walks and runs and flies by ♪

♪ I never thought I'd feel so deeply ♪

♪ But damn, I do ♪

♪ It's the way you're smilin' at me ♪

♪ It's in the way you hold my hand ♪

♪ It's the way I've watched you change me ♪

♪ From a boy into a man ♪

♪ It's a million things about you ♪

♪ And I don't know what it is ♪

♪ But I have never known a love like this ♪

♪ I have never known a love like this ♪

I guess Suck-up Sammy wasn't such a bad nickname after all.

Stop!

Don't do that. Don't...

look at me like that.

Don't make me right.

Right?

About what?

About this! About...

how we shouldn't have done this.

Hey, no, no.

Last night was perfect.

It was everything that I thought it would be

and, like...

a thousand times better.

Then why do you have that look on your face?

I finally got a job.

Like... a real job.

Awesome, but?

But...

it's in LA, and I leave next week.

Are you kidding?

It's one of the biggest

sports marketing companies in the world.

- How could I say no? - This is so like you, Harry.

Even getting your dream job sounds like

something just happened to you.

I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I, I...

How could you...

How could you...

let us... do that...

knowing you were just gonna leave?

- Why didn't you tell me? - I needed to know.

And, and I am telling you.

I-I'm telling you now!

This doesn't mean we can't be together.

You know what? I, uh...

I got-gotta go.

Come on, Sam.

We got the whole weekend,

an-and LA's not that far.

I mean, there's these new-fangled things called airplanes.

Wha-wha-what? You don't trust me to do long-distance?

How can I trust you to do long-distance

when I can't even trust you to tell me the whole truth.

Before we slept together!

Before I...

I, I let you in.

You had... so many chances to say something.

Do you seriously not get what a betrayal that is?

No, of course you don't.

You know, you say that you love

all those things about me,

but if you don't understand that trust is the only thing

that matters to me, well...

then I, I guess you don't know me at all.

Or maybe you do and that's why you did it.

Because you say you want love,

blah blah, but...

you know, at the end of the day,

you're just as afraid of it as I am.

At least I know now

for sure I was right.

We never should have tried to be anything more than friends.

It always screws everything up.

I have two choices.

To give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood

and eventual eating by dogs.

Or not.

And this time I choose not.

- I will not be defeated... - Oh!

...by a bad man and an American stick insect.

You ruined...

everything.

A sandwich for Samwich.

So that's it, huh?

You're just never gonna talk to him again?

Just gonna spend the rest of your life

burrowed under this duvet,

sweating into my vintage velvet couch

like some sort of tragic dust mite?

Don't you have to work or something?

- What day is it? - Friday.

Oh my God, the rally!

You should probably shower. You smell really bad.

All right!

And now to Katie Leonard on the scene

in downtown Chicago. Katie.

We are coming to you live

from one of the first big rallies

in what is sure to be a contentious governor's race.

Mitchell's team has told us that they plan

on doing whatever it takes

to take her to the next level.

After a difficult primary run, a lot of people were--

♪ I can't write one song ♪

♪ That's not about you ♪

♪ Can't drink without thinkin' about you ♪

♪ Is it too late to tell you that ♪

♪ Everything means nothing if I can't have you? ♪

♪ I can't write one song that's not about you ♪

♪ Can't drink without thinkin' about you ♪

♪ Is it too late... ♪

Oh whoa! Got a wristband?

- Uh, I-- - No wristband, no entry.

♪ I'm so sorry that my timing's off ♪

♪ But I can't move on if we're still gonna talk... ♪

Oh, good you're here. Okay, right through this door. Come on, come on.

Stand there by the door. Ladies. Ladies.

It's time. Right now.

Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go!

All right, now remember...

Energy! Energy! Energy!

I want you to set up over there. Come on, let's go.

Big smiles. Big smiles. There you go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together

for the Illinois Maples dance team.

Oh!

Watch out!

- Look out! - Whoa!

Hey, come here!

Get off the stage!

Ow!

Yeah! You!

Whoo!

Um... uh, I...

Sorry. I, I didn't mean to...

mess things up.

Someone in this very crowd once told me that

wh-when you make a mess of things, you gotta fix 'em.

You got to take responsibility for what you want in this life.

And if you want the best governor

for your state of Illinois,

then you have to go out there and accept responsibility,

an-and work as hard as you can for Lindsay Mitchell!

Uh, just... Sorry, sorry, sorry. Um...

Uh, one more thing.

Sam. Sam Baselli.

Just, just listen to me. Please.

You were right, about everything.

I have to take responsibility for what I did,

and for what I want.

And what I did was messed up.

And I don't just mean that opening number.

And what I want is you.

I'm not going to LA.

There are other jobs.

But... there's no other Sam Baselli.

You're my best friend, Sam.

And wherever I have to be so I could fall asleep

with you in my arms and wake up looking in your eyes...

that's where I'm gonna be.

I'm not going anywhere because...

I love you.

Aww.

And you can trust me on that.

For real.

Well, are you gonna come up and kiss him, Sam?

Or should I?

How about that?

That young man put it all on the line...

I know you like to be right about everything,

but you were so wrong about this.

Friends can fall in love...

and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life

making sure you know it.

I don't mind being wrong.

♪ I'm just wild about Harry ♪

♪ And Harry's wild about me ♪

♪ The heavenly blisses ♪

♪ Of his kisses fill me with ecstasy ♪

♪ He's sweet just like chocolate candy ♪

♪ Or just like honey from a bee ♪

♪ Oh, I'm just wild about Harry... ♪

Hey!

- How was your day? - Good.

Yeah? You have a good day?

Yeah.

- A little bit moody today. - Aww.

♪ Oh, I'm just wild about Harry ♪

♪ And he's just wild about me ♪

♪ I'm just wild about Harry ♪

♪哈利的关于我的野生♪

♪天上blisses♪

♪他吻我充满狂喜♪

♪他是甜的，就像巧克力糖果♪

♪或者仅仅是想从蜂蜜♪

♪他只是野生关于我♪

♪他只是野生关于我♪