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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,602
(Giggling)
3
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,447
Come on.
4
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,749
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
5
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,340
Don't forget the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkies.
6
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:56,554
You can count on me,
you dirty young man.
7
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,800
Oh...! Oh!
8
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,801
- Goodbye.
- Bye-bye.
9
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,678
Goodbye. Bye.
10
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,431
Bye... bye. Bye-bye.
11
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,274
Old buzzard.
12
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,728
(♪ Hums theme from Tchaikovsky's
"Nutcracker")
13
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,238
Hold me, touch me.
14
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:25,458
Hold me, touch me.
Hold me, touch me.
15
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,919
Hold me, touch me. Ah!
16
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,038
Hold me, touch me!
17
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,461
Uh!
18
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,807
Darling.
19
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,018
Hold me. Touch me.
20
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:45,227
Not in the hall.
21
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,438
Ooh! (Laughs)
22
00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,319
I know she's in here.
I wonder where she's hiding.
23
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,117
Where are you?
24
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,581
Where are you, devil woman?
25
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:13,832
Finders keepers...
26
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,303
Here I come, ready or not.
27
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,144
There you are, you little flirt.
28
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,517
Argh!
29
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:57,383
(Groans)
30
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:00,670
What's the matter?
31
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:03,765
Papa no want to play with baby?
32
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,009
I think Papa's neck is broken.
33
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,932
(Chuckles) What a sissy!
34
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,312
Miaow!
35
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,523
Miaow!
36
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,024
I wonder where old Tom is tonight?
37
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,777
I...
38
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,208
(Panting)
39
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,336
(Growling)
40
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,713
(Old lady chuckles)
41
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,808
(Growling)
42
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:57,102
(Screeches)
43
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,901
(Old lady laughs)
44
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,912
(Old lady) Oh... oh!
45
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,871
Oh, Bialy, Bialy, darling.
Did I hurt you?
46
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,466
- It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop.
- Oh, don't...
47
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,551
Don't worry, darling.
48
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,685
I'll kiss it and make it well.
49
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,554
Mmh...
50
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,852
Mr Bialystock. Mr Bialystock?
51
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,022
Oh, how do you do?
Oh, my God.
52
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,486
I mean...
53
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:47,197
I mean, excuse me.
54
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,163
You mean "oops", don't you?
Just say "oops" and get out!
55
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,953
Ah-ah-ah-ah...
56
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,371
Not "ah-ah-ah-ah".
"Oops!"
57
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,040
Oops!
58
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,542
I can't abide a peeping Tom.
59
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:08,218
There's one in the apartment
just opposite my bedroom window.
60
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:13,391
I swear, that man never takes
his field glasses off me,
61
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,263
not for a minute.
62
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,357
- Feeling better?
- Yes.
63
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,692
Good.
64
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,948
Let's fool around.
65
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,738
(Sighs)
66
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,259
Now...
67
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,505
I'll be the innocent little milkmaid,
68
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,223
and you be the naughty stable boy.
69
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:54,764
Ooh!
70
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,058
This milk is so heavy.
71
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,557
I'll never reach the house.
72
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,277
Help... Help me.
Will someone help me?
73
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,863
- Help me!
- Wait! Wait! We can't play today.
74
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,608
- I have too many appointments.
- We can't play today?
75
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:11,201
Thursday! Thursday!
We'll play on Thursday.
76
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,288
We'll play "The Contessa
and the Chauffeur".
77
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:59,459
- Oh, the best one!
- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia.
78
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,452
Contessa mia.
79
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,789
Oh, no, Bialy, Bialy,
please, just a little.
80
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,336
Just a little.
81
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,836
Money. I need money.
82
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,555
All right. All right. All right.
83
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,970
The Contessa and the Chauffeur.
84
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,513
(Imitates car engine)
85
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,269
So the Count hired you this morning,
Rudolfo?
86
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,517
Watch the road. Watch the road.
87
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,360
I can't take my eyes off you.
88
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,481
How can I drive
when you drive me mad? Mad!
89
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,949
Rudolfo, you dirty pig.
90
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,244
Pull over.
91
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,683
That's enough. Good. Good.
92
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,058
We'll do the rest on Thursday.
Now, that's a good girl. That's a good...
93
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,186
I'll get you your purse
and your gloves. Till Thursday...
94
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,031
Thursday.
95
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,616
Until Thursday, then,
you bawdy wench.
96
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,579
- (Squeals) Oh, hold me. Touch me.
- Thursday. Thursday.
97
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,075
And then we'll finish playing
the Contessa and Rudolfo?
98
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,167
First thing on Thursday.
99
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,332
Oh! And after that,
100
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,878
we'll play "The Abduction
and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia",
101
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,797
and I'll be Lucretia.
102
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,841
And I'll be Rape.
On Thursday. That's wonderful.
103
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:40,514
Lucretia, you forgot the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkies.
104
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:44,392
(Old lady) Of course.
Well, I had it with me all the time.
105
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,565
(Mumbles)
106
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:50,027
Is it all right? I made it out to "cash",
you didn't tell me the name of the play.
107
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,397
Fine. Fine. Good. Good.
108
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,818
Thursday. Thursday.
109
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,987
Goodbye, my powder pigeon.
110
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,031
- Goodbye,
- Bye-bye.
111
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,780
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
112
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,031
Goodbye.
113
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,085
He who signs the lease,
must pay rent.
114
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,044
That's the law.
115
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,757
Why, you're a thief! How can you take
the last penny out of a poor man's pocket?
116
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,547
I have to.
117
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,340
I'm a landlord.
118
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,088
O Lord, hear my plea.
119
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,466
Destroy him.
He maketh a blight on the land.
120
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,218
Don't listen to him.
He's crazy.
121
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,642
That hurt.
I must make another call.
122
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,642
(Door slams shut)
123
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,414
Oops?
124
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,333
Who are you?
What do you want?
125
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,548
Why are you loitering in my hallway?
126
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,507
Speak, dummy! Speak!
127
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,504
- Why don't you speak?
- Scared. Can't talk.
128
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,218
All right.
129
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,100
Get a hold of yourself.
130
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,436
Take a deep breath.
131
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,099
Let it out slowly.
132
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,225
And tell me, who are you?
133
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,943
I'm Leo Bloom.
I am an accountant.
134
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:16,235
I'm from Whitehall and Marx.
I was sent here to do your books,
135
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,200
and I'm terribly sorry
I caught you with the old lady.
136
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,035
"Caught you with the old lady"?
137
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,450
Come in, Mr Tact.
138
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,886
So, you're an accountant, huh?
139
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,929
- Yes, I am.
- Then account for yourself!
140
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,893
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in gold?
141
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,013
Why are you looking up
old ladies' dresses?
142
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,391
- Bit of a pervert, eh?
- (Gasps) Uh!
143
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:54,815
Never mind, never mind. Do the books.
They're over there in that desk.
144
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,403
Top drawer.
145
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,277
I'll take your coat.
146
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,651
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
147
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,078
How dare you condemn me
without knowing all the facts!
148
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,420
- Mr Bialystock...
- Shut up!
149
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:16,507
I'm having a rhetorical conversation!
150
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,546
How humiliating.
151
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,510
Max Bialystock.
152
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,134
Max Bialystock.
153
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,636
You know who I used to be?
154
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,890
Max Bialystock, King of Broadway!
Six shows running at once!
155
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,272
Lunch at Delmonico's.
156
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,236
$200 suits.
157
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,441
You see this?
158
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,910
This once held a pearl
as big as your eye!
159
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,621
Look at me now. Look at me now!
160
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,617
I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
161
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:03,675
I used to have thousands of investors
begging, pleading
162
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:07,641
to put their money
in a Max Bialystock production.
163
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,056
Look at my investors now.
164
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:19,446
Vo il à! Hundreds of little old ladies
stopping off at Max Bialystock's office
165
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,407
to grab a last thrill
on the way to the cemetery.
166
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:38,130
You have exactly ten seconds
to change that look of disgusting pity
167
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,375
into one of enormous respect.
168
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,968
One, two...
169
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,679
Do the books, do the books.
170
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,509
I appreciate that, sir.
171
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:04,239
Window's so filthy,
can't tell whether it's day or night out there.
172
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:20,293
That's it, baby!
When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!
173
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,883
(Bloom coughs)
174
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,544
Cough... cough.
175
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,884
Cough!
176
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,053
(Bloom clears throat)
177
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:36,480
I assume you're making those cartoon noises
to attract my attention.
178
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:42,062
Am I correct in my assumption,
you fish-faced enemy of the people?
179
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,108
Oh, I hurt your feelings.
180
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,152
Good! What is it?
181
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,446
May I speak to you for a minute?
182
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,321
Go. You have 58 seconds.
183
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,297
Well, in glancing at your books,
I noticed that in the columns marked...
184
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,292
You have 48 seconds left.
Hurry, hurry.
185
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,505
- Oh, I glanced at your books, I noticed...
- 28 seconds. You're running out of time.
186
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,544
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...
187
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,589
Mr Bialystock, I cannot function
under these conditions!
188
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:09,304
You're making me extremely nervous!
189
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,013
- What is that, a handkerchief?
- What? Nothing. That's nothing.
190
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:16,387
- If it's nothing, why can't I see it?
- Argh!
191
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,481
My blanket! My blue blanket!
Give me my blue blanket!
192
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:23,148
Oh, you... No! You...
193
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,612
Shh! Here.
194
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,356
Don't panic, don't panic.
195
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,576
Mmh... mmh. Ah...
196
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:35,624
I'm sorry.
197
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,868
I don't like people
touching my blue blanket.
198
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:43,293
It's not important. It's a minor compulsion.
I can deal with it if I want to.
199
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,633
It's just that I've had it
ever since I was a baby, and...
200
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,548
I find it very comforting.
201
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,975
(Chuckles)
202
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,812
They come here.
They all come here.
203
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,024
- How do they find me?
- May I speak to you?
204
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,983
Yes, Prince Mishkin.
205
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,024
What can we do for you?
206
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,317
This is hardly a time for levity.
207
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:12,068
Mr Bialystock, I've discovered a serious
error here in the accounts of your last play.
208
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,319
Where? What?
209
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,197
Well, according to the backers list,
you raised $60,000,
210
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,699
but the play that you produced
only cost $58,000.
211
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,701
That's $2,000 unaccounted for.
212
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:24,126
I went to a Turkish bath.
Who cares? The play was a flop!
213
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,417
What difference does it make?
214
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:28,091
"What difference does it make"?
That's fraud!
215
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,859
If they found out,
you could go to prison.
216
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,924
Who's gonna find out?
It's only $2,000.
217
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,469
Bloom, do me a favour.
Move a few decimal points around.
218
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,200
You can do it. You're an accountant.
You're in a noble profession.
219
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,724
The word "count" is part of your title.
220
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,439
- That's cheating.
- It's not cheating!
221
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:43,603
It's charity.
222
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,526
Bloom, look at me.
223
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,190
Look at me, Bloom!
224
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,239
Bloom, I'm drowning.
225
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:56,278
Other men sail through life.
Bialystock has struck a reef.
226
00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,206
Bloom, I'm going under.
227
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,120
I'm being sunk by a society
that demands success,
228
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,996
when all I can offer is failure.
229
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,546
Bloom, I'm reaching out to you.
230
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,628
Don't send me to prison.
231
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,597
(Shouts) Help!
232
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,391
(Moans)
233
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,136
Help me. Help me, Bloom.
234
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,934
Help me.
235
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,726
Yeah, I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll do it!
236
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:29,604
- Thank you. I knew I could con you.
- That's all right. What?
237
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,072
Nothing. Nothing. Do it. Do it.
238
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,238
Right. Let's see. $2,000.
239
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,905
$2,000.
240
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,119
Well, that isn't much.
I'm sure I can hide it somewhere.
241
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,453
After all, the Internal Revenue Service
isn't interested in a show that flopped.
242
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:48,296
Yes, right. Good thinking.
You figure it out.
243
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:52,259
I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap.
Wake me if there's a fire.
244
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,173
Let's see.
245
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:58,265
If we add these, we get ten, four...
246
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,136
Hmm...
247
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,183
Amazing.
248
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,432
It's absolutely amazing.
249
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,024
Under the right circumstances,
250
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,065
a producer could make more money
with a flop than he could with a hit.
251
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,031
Hmm...
252
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,324
Yes, it's quite possible.
253
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:19,570
If he were certain that the show would fail,
a man could make a fortune!
254
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,947
- Yes?
- Yes what?
255
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,621
- What you were saying, keep talking.
- What was I saying?
256
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,960
You were saying that
under the right circumstances,
257
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,581
a producer could make more money
with a flop than he could with a hit.
258
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,457
Yes, it's quite possible.
259
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,336
You keep saying that,
but you don't tell me how.
260
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,714
How can a producer make more money
with a flop than he could with a hit?
261
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,967
Well, it's simply a matter
of creative accounting.
262
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,437
Let's assume, just for the moment,
that you are a dishonest man.
263
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,181
- Assume away.
- It's very easy.
264
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,184
- You raise more money than you need.
- What do you mean?
265
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,027
Well, you did it yourself,
only you did it on a very small scale.
266
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,236
What'd I do?
267
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:57,654
You raised $2,000 more than you needed
to produce your last play.
268
00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,277
So? What did it get me?
I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
269
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,849
That's where you made your mistake.
You didn't go all the way.
270
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:06,833
You see, if you were really a bold criminal,
you could have raised $1 million.
271
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,294
But the play cost me only
$60,000 to produce.
272
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,422
And how long did it run?
273
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,039
- One night.
- You see?
274
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,756
Do you see what I'm trying to tell you?
275
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,298
You could have raised $1 million,
put on a $60,000 flop and kept the rest.
276
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,950
- But what if the play was a hit?
- Well, then you'd go to jail.
277
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,577
See, once the play's a hit,
you have to pay off all the backers,
278
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:26,016
and with so many backers, there could
never be enough profits to go around. Get it?
279
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,685
Uh-huh, uh-huh...
280
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,058
Ah-ha! So in order
for this scheme to work,
281
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:33,810
we'd have to find a sure-fire flop.
282
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,154
- What scheme?
- "What scheme"?
283
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,615
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
284
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,279
I meant no scheme.
285
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:43,620
I merely posed a little academic
accounting theory. It was just a thought.
286
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:48,242
Bloom, worlds are turned
on such thoughts.
287
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:53,164
Don't you see, Bloom?
Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
288
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,585
It's so simple.
289
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:57,801
Step one, we find the worst play in the world.
A sure-fire flop.
290
00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:01,092
Step two, I raise $1 million.
There's a lot of old ladies in the world.
291
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,055
Step three, you go back
to work on the books,
292
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,597
phony list of backers,
one for the government, one for us.
293
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,594
You can do it, Bloom.
You're a wizard.
294
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,187
Step four, we open on Broadway.
295
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,274
And before you can say "step five",
we close on Broadway.
296
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:16,065
Step six, we take our $1 million,
we fly to Rio de Janeiro!
297
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,358
♪ Rio
298
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,107
- ♪ Rio by the sea-o
- Mr Bialystock, wait a minute.
299
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,030
- ♪ Oh, me-o, oh, my-o
- You're holding me too tight.
300
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,370
♪ Rio by the sea-o ♪
301
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,990
I'm an honest man.
You don't understand.
302
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,707
No, Bloom, you don't understand!
303
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,543
This is fate! This is destiny!
This is kismet!
304
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,129
There's no avoiding it.
305
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,169
Mr Bialystock, not more than
five minutes ago, I doctored your books!
306
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,339
That, sir, is the ultimate extent
of my criminal life!
307
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,305
Oh...
308
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,264
I want that money!
309
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,181
(Groans) I fell on my keys.
310
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:52,810
You miserable, cowardly,
wretched, little caterpillar.
311
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,059
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
312
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:59,188
Don't you want to spread your wings
and flap your way to glory?
313
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,064
- You're gonna jump on me.
- Huh?
314
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,988
You're gonna jump on me!
I know you're gonna jump on me!
315
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,861
Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.
316
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,737
- Who?
- Poppaea!
317
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,910
She was his wife,
and she was unfaithful to him,
318
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,501
so he got mad and jumped on her
up and down, up and down,
319
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,040
until he squashed her like a bug!
320
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,503
- Please don't jump on me!
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
321
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,377
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
- (Bloom screams)
322
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:24,846
- Will you get a hold of yourself?
- Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
323
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,591
Oh, my God, no, no...
Oh, no, no, no...
324
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,810
I'm not gonna hurt you.
What's the matter with you?
325
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:33,772
I'm hysterical!
I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical.
326
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:37,358
I can't stop when I get like this.
I can't stop. I'm hysterical.
327
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,273
(Rambling)
328
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:44,696
I'm wet! I'm wet!
329
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,989
I'm hysterical, and I'm wet!
330
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,909
I'm in pain!
331
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,123
And I'm wet!
332
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,913
And I'm still hysterical!
333
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:57,663
No, no, don't hit, don't hit. It doesn't help.
It only increases my sense of danger.
334
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,791
What can I do? What can I do?
You're getting me hysterical.
335
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,509
- Go away, go away. You frighten me.
- Where shall I go?
336
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:06,004
- Sit over there.
- OK.
337
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,507
- (Grunts)
- OK.
338
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,100
OK. I'm over here.
339
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,515
- This better?
- That's better.
340
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:16,728
But you still look angry.
341
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:19,059
How's this?
342
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,525
Good.
That's good.
343
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,440
That's very nice.
344
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:29,612
I think I'm coming out of it now.
345
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:31,784
Ah.. yes.
346
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,782
I'm definitely coming out of it.
347
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,167
Ah...
348
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,912
Thank you for smiling.
That helped a great deal.
349
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,630
You know what they say:
350
00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:45,048
"Smile and the world smiles with you."
(Laughs)
351
00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:47,671
This man should be in a straitjacket.
352
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:48,807
Feeling better?
353
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:52,722
Oh, much, thank you,
but I am a little lightheaded.
354
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:55,015
Maybe I should eat something.
355
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:58,811
Hysterical attacks have a way of severely
depleting one's blood sugar, you know?
356
00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:01,560
They certainly do. They certainly do.
357
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:03,903
Come.
Let me take you to lunch.
358
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:15,787
You know, it's very nice of you
to take me to lunch, Mr Bialystock.
359
00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:19,036
Call me Max. You know,
I don't let everybody call me Max.
360
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:22,755
- It's only those people I like.
- OK, Max.
361
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,751
- And you can call me Leo.
- I already have.
362
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:26,922
Oh.
363
00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:30,297
Well, where shall we go for lunch?
364
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:35,302
Well, Max, I don't know, Max.
What do you think, Max?
365
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:37,850
Well, Leo,
it's such a beautiful day,
366
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:40,440
why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant?
367
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:42,309
Let's dine al fresco.
368
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:45,187
- This is al fresco?
- The finest.
369
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,234
Thank you.
370
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,985
Mmh, excellent.
Please tender our compliments to the chef.
371
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,739
- Please tender half a buck.
- Of course. Here you are, my good man.
372
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,958
I'm not your good man.
I happen to own this establishment.
373
00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:59,747
Give me the change.
374
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,501
Everybody's a big shot.
375
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,089
Well, Leo, what say
we promenade through the park?
376
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:11,463
I'd love to, but it's nearly two o'clock.
I should get back to Whitehall and Marx.
377
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,216
Nonsense!
As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned,
378
00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:17,139
- you're working with Max Bialystock, right?
- Right.
379
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:19,596
Then stick with Bialystock.
380
00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:31,282
(♪ Fairground music)
381
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,625
Lovely out here, isn't it?
382
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:44,212
I wish I could enjoy it.
I'm so nervous.
383
00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:46,297
What if someone from the office
should see me?
384
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,589
Then you'd see them,
and why aren't they at the office?
385
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,552
(Laughs)
386
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,922
That's right.
387
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:56,266
That's it, Leo. You're learning.
388
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:59,310
Having a good time?
389
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,397
I don't know.
I feel so strange.
390
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:04,607
Maybe you're happy.
391
00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:06,522
That's it. I'm happy.
392
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:12,449
(Laughs) What do you know
about that?
393
00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:13,908
I'm happy!
394
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,536
I'm happy!
395
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,661
(Bialystock) There it is, Bloom.
396
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,582
The most exciting city in the world.
397
00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:28,127
Thrills, adventure, romance.
398
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:32,093
Everything you ever dreamed of
is down there.
399
00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:34,133
Big black limousines.
400
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:36,051
Gold cigarette cases.
401
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:39,426
Elegant ladies with long legs.
402
00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:42,520
All you need is money, Bloom.
403
00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:46,392
Money is honey. Money is honey.
404
00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:50,650
- Leo, he who hesitates is poor.
- Mmh...
405
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:55,067
(Bialystock) Don't let me influence you.
It's your decision.
406
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,239
(Bloom) But if we get caught,
we'll go to prison.
407
00:24:57,371 --> 00:24:59,704
(Bialystock)
You think you're not in prison now?
408
00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:02,245
Living in a grey, little room?
409
00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:07,462
Going to a grey, little job?
Leading a grey, little life?
410
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:09,080
(Bloom) That's right.
411
00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:11,378
I'm a nothing.
412
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:15,094
I spend my life counting
other people's money.
413
00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:17,339
People I'm smarter than.
414
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:19,056
Better than.
415
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:21,885
Where's my share?
416
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:24,725
Where's Leo Bloom's share?
417
00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:27,474
I want...
418
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:29,859
I want...
419
00:25:29,987 --> 00:25:32,650
I want everything I've ever seen
in the movies!
420
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:35,239
(Bialystock) Leo, say you'll join me!
421
00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:36,903
(Bloom) I'll do it!
422
00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:41,117
- By God, I'll do it!
- (Bialystock) He'll do it!
423
00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:42,534
He'll do it!
424
00:25:45,836 --> 00:25:47,327
I'm Leo Bloom!
425
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,254
I'm me!
426
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,624
I can do whatever I want!
427
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,422
It doesn't matter!
428
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:56,010
I'm Leo Bloom!
429
00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:22,077
Max, let's call it a night.
430
00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:24,949
It's two in the morning.
I don't know what I'm reading anymore.
431
00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:28,202
Read, read. We've got to find
the worst play ever written.
432
00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:33,415
Ah!
433
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:36,213
"Gregor Samsa woke one morning
434
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:41,841
"to discover that he had been transformed
into a giant cockroach."
435
00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,426
It's too good.
436
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,022
Wait a minute.
437
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:52,312
Wait a minute.
438
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,982
I've read this play.
439
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,607
I'm reading plays I read this morning.
440
00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:01,450
I can't go on.
441
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:03,365
It's too much.
442
00:27:03,914 --> 00:27:07,407
Max, let's face it, we'll never find it.
443
00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:11,328
(Max laughs)
444
00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:13,125
"We'll never find it", huh?
445
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:14,748
"We'll never find it",
huh?
446
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:16,419
"We'll never find it", huh?
447
00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:19,295
"We'll never find it", huh?
"We'll never find..."
448
00:27:19,429 --> 00:27:20,920
♪ Oh, Rio
449
00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:22,718
♪ Rio by the sea-o
450
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:24,216
♪ Bialystock and Leo
451
00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:26,593
♪ Oh, me-o, oh, my-o ♪
452
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:27,844
Leo...
453
00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:30,308
Smell it.
454
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,306
See it?
Touch it, touch it.
455
00:27:32,442 --> 00:27:35,185
- What is it?
- "What is it"? We've struck gold.
456
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,357
Not fool's gold, but real gold.
457
00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:39,606
The mother lode, the mother lode.
458
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:42,316
The mother of them all.
459
00:27:42,452 --> 00:27:44,193
Kiss it, kiss it.
460
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:48,164
- You found a flop.
- "A flop"! That's putting it mildly.
461
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:50,579
We've found a disaster,
a catastrophe, an outrage!
462
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:54,170
- A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty.
- Let's see it.
463
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:57,416
This is freedom from want forever.
This is a house in the country.
464
00:27:57,551 --> 00:27:59,417
This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley.
465
00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:02,466
This is wine, women,
and song... and women.
466
00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:05,556
"Springtime for Hitler.
467
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:09,598
"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva
at Berchtesgaden."
468
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,392
- Wow!
- Wow!
469
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,766
It's practically a love letter to Hitler.
470
00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:17,986
- This won't run a week.
- A week? Are you kidding?
471
00:28:18,113 --> 00:28:21,402
This play has got to close on page four.
472
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:24,947
- Who wrote it?
- Who? Read, read. Right there. Read, read.
473
00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:26,194
- "Franz..."
- Franz.
474
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:27,571
- "...Liebkind."
- Liebkind.
475
00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:28,787
- "100..."
- 100.
476
00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:29,916
- "...West..."
- West.
477
00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:31,269
- "...Jane Street."
- Jane Street.
478
00:28:31,293 --> 00:28:32,409
Franz Liebkind.
479
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,911
100 West Jane Street.
480
00:28:43,764 --> 00:28:46,677
- Who do you want?
- I beg your pardon?
481
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:47,844
Who do you want?
482
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:50,764
No one gets in the building
unless I know who they want.
483
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,478
I'm the concierge.
484
00:28:52,606 --> 00:28:56,316
My husband used to be the concierge,
but he's dead.
485
00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:58,355
Now I'm the concierge.
486
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,733
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
487
00:29:02,491 --> 00:29:04,153
Oh, the kraut!
488
00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:06,617
He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
489
00:29:07,329 --> 00:29:08,911
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
490
00:29:09,039 --> 00:29:10,701
But you won't find him there.
491
00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:14,075
He's up on the roof with his birds.
492
00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:16,453
He keeps birds.
493
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:21,708
Dirty, disgusting, filthy,
lice-ridden birds.
494
00:29:22,970 --> 00:29:26,589
You used to be able to sit out
on the stoop like a person.
495
00:29:26,723 --> 00:29:29,056
Not anymore. No, sir.
496
00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,936
Birds!
You get my drift?
497
00:29:33,522 --> 00:29:37,232
We get it. We get your drift.
Thank you, madam.
498
00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:41,360
I'm not a madam!
I'm a concierge!
499
00:29:51,373 --> 00:29:54,116
- He's wearing a German helmet.
- Shh!
500
00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:57,790
Don't say anything to offend him.
We need that play.
501
00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:11,933
- Franz Liebkind?
- I was never a member of the Nazi party!
502
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:15,053
I'm not responsible!
I only followed orders!
503
00:30:15,188 --> 00:30:17,931
Who are you?
Why do you persecute me?
504
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:21,685
My papers are in order.
I love my adopted country.
505
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:26,235
♪ O beautiful for spacious skies
506
00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:29,200
♪ For amber waves of... ♪
507
00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:30,785
What do you want?
508
00:30:30,912 --> 00:30:32,653
(Bialystock)
Relax! Relax, Mr Liebkind.
509
00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:35,577
We're not from the government.
We came here to talk about your play.
510
00:30:35,709 --> 00:30:37,371
My play?
511
00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:40,370
You mean, "Springtime for...
You-know-who"?
512
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,712
- Yes.
- What about it?
513
00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:46,301
We love it. We think it's a masterpiece.
That's why we're here.
514
00:30:46,428 --> 00:30:48,044
We wish to produce it on Broadway.
515
00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:51,426
Broadway.
516
00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:54,096
Oh... Oh, joy of joys!
517
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,936
Oh, dream of dreams.
518
00:30:57,064 --> 00:31:00,182
I can't believe it.
I must tell the birds.
519
00:31:00,317 --> 00:31:03,151
Birds! Birds!
Birds, do you hear?
520
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:06,737
Otto! Berthe!
Heinz! Hans! Wolfgang!
521
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:10,905
Do you hear?
We are going to clear the Führer's name.
522
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:17,537
♪ Deutschland, Deutschland über alles
523
00:31:17,667 --> 00:31:20,705
♪ Über alles... ♪
524
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:24,668
Mr Liebkind, Mr Liebkind, please.
People can hear.
525
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:29,426
♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy
526
00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:31,090
♪ A Yankee Doodle... ♪
527
00:31:31,223 --> 00:31:34,387
This is not a place to talk.
Come, we'll go to my flat.
528
00:31:34,518 --> 00:31:38,512
An occasion like this
calls for schnapps!
529
00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:41,185
(♪ Sings)
530
00:31:42,275 --> 00:31:44,483
(♪ All singing)
531
00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:57,413
You know, not many people knew it...
532
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,618
but the Führer was a terrific dancer.
533
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:06,835
Really? I never dreamed that...
534
00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:10,085
That is because that you were taken in
535
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:12,678
by that Verdammte Allied propaganda!
536
00:32:12,806 --> 00:32:14,843
Such filthy lies! They told lies!
537
00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:19,601
But nobody ever said a bad word
about Winston Churchill, did they?
538
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,472
No! "Win with Winnie!"
539
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:27,022
Churchill!
540
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,612
With his cigars. With his brandy.
541
00:32:29,739 --> 00:32:31,856
And his rotten painting, rotten!
542
00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:34,029
Hitler, there was a painter.
543
00:32:34,161 --> 00:32:38,030
He could paint an entire apartment
in one afternoon! Two coats!
544
00:32:40,667 --> 00:32:43,910
Churchill.
He couldn't even say "Nazi".
545
00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:47,584
He would say, "Noses. Noses."
546
00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:50,504
It wasn't "Noses"! It was "Nazis"!
547
00:32:54,598 --> 00:32:56,339
Churchill!
548
00:32:56,475 --> 00:33:00,845
- Exactly why...
- Let me tell you this!
549
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:03,517
And you're hearing this
straight from the horse!
550
00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:06,231
Hitler was better-looking than Churchill.
551
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,692
He was a better dresser than Churchill.
552
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,277
He had more hair!
553
00:33:10,405 --> 00:33:14,649
He told funnier jokes, and he could dance
the pants off of Churchill!
554
00:33:14,784 --> 00:33:17,447
- Exactly why...
- Churchill!
555
00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:20,413
Yes... yes. Churchill!
556
00:33:20,540 --> 00:33:23,829
That's exactly why
we want to produce this play -
557
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,670
to show the world the true Hitler,
the Hitler you loved,
558
00:33:27,797 --> 00:33:29,413
the Hitler you knew,
559
00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:32,713
the Hitler with a song in his heart.
560
00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:35,507
(♪ Singing)
561
00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,485
Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here,
562
00:33:55,617 --> 00:33:58,781
and make your dream a reality.
563
00:33:58,912 --> 00:34:03,623
Here it is! "Springtime for Hitler",
signed, sealed, and delivered.
564
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:06,083
- What's the matter?
- I'm not wearing this armband.
565
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,373
I don't care how big the deal is.
I won't wear it.
566
00:34:08,505 --> 00:34:11,168
OK. Take it off, take it off.
567
00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:19,929
Taxi!
568
00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,430
The Blue Gypsy.
569
00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,929
Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy?
570
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:28,306
We are not going to the Blue Gypsy.
571
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:30,353
I am going to the Blue Gypsy.
572
00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:33,148
I have a rendezvous
with a lady of some means.
573
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:41,323
You see, my dear Bloom,
phase one is complete.
574
00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:42,615
The play is ours.
575
00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:46,366
We are now entering phase two -
the raising of the money.
576
00:34:46,501 --> 00:34:49,209
In the days to come,
you will see very little of me,
577
00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:53,627
for Max Bialystock is launching himself
into little-old-lady land.
578
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:55,715
A dieu. A Vanti!
579
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:09,847
You're incorrigible, Bialy.
580
00:35:09,983 --> 00:35:12,600
Here's to the success of your new play.
581
00:35:12,736 --> 00:35:15,023
- Our new play, my love.
- Oh...
582
00:35:16,406 --> 00:35:19,490
Oh, Bialy, I'm so sorry.
583
00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:22,611
- Did I wet you?
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
584
00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:25,614
A mere trifle, a mere trifle.
585
00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:27,706
Did you bring the checkie?
586
00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:30,998
Oh, yes,
I have it right here in my purse.
587
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:35,214
And I made it out just like you told me.
To "cash".
588
00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:37,959
That's a funny name for a play.
589
00:35:38,094 --> 00:35:40,302
Think nothing of it, my dear.
590
00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:42,592
(♪ Plays romantic tune)
591
00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:23,550
- Thank you, my dear.
- Say it again, Bialy.
592
00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:27,221
And I swear to you on my life,
you don't look a day over 65.
593
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:30,845
(Squeals with delight)
There you are.
594
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,103
- I love you.
- What?
595
00:36:36,069 --> 00:36:37,560
I love you.
596
00:36:37,696 --> 00:36:39,403
What?
597
00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,568
- I love you!
- Oh!
598
00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:52,200
Go, Bialy-baby, go!
599
00:37:01,386 --> 00:37:03,173
(Woman) 'Who is it?'
600
00:37:03,304 --> 00:37:05,170
It's Max Bialystock.
601
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:09,391
'Oh, good.
I thought it was a burglar.
602
00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:11,636
'Wait. I'll let you in.'
603
00:37:11,771 --> 00:37:14,434
(Multiple locks unlocking)
604
00:37:41,468 --> 00:37:43,801
(Woman laughing)
605
00:37:51,561 --> 00:37:53,393
Mrs Sarah Cathcart.
606
00:37:53,521 --> 00:37:55,683
She owns 50 per cent of the profits.
607
00:37:57,233 --> 00:37:59,316
Mrs Virginia Resnick.
608
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:01,982
She also owns 50 per cent of the profits.
609
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:06,195
Mrs Eleanor Biddlecomb.
610
00:38:06,326 --> 00:38:08,659
She also owns 50 per cent of the profits.
611
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:12,037
Mrs Alma Wentworth.
612
00:38:12,165 --> 00:38:14,703
She owns 100 per cent of the profits.
613
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:17,998
Leo, how much percentage of a play
can there be altogether?
614
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:21,213
Max, you can only sell
100 per cent of anything.
615
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:25,130
And how much of
"Springtime for Hitler" have we sold?
616
00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:27,218
25,000 per cent.
617
00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:30,761
25,000 per cent!
618
00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:33,558
Give me that blue thing.
619
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:41,038
Max, where are you going?
We haven't finished signing the contracts.
620
00:38:41,110 --> 00:38:43,067
I have to see that money.
621
00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:54,538
Hello, boys.
622
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,041
If you only knew
what I went through for you.
623
00:39:01,673 --> 00:39:04,461
- Max, what are you doing?
- I'm gonna buy myself a toy.
624
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:07,460
I worked very, very hard,
and I think I deserve a toy.
625
00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:08,836
A toy?
626
00:39:08,972 --> 00:39:10,088
A toy!
627
00:39:12,976 --> 00:39:14,592
(Bloom) That's a toy?
628
00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:17,014
(Bialystock) She happens to be
our new receptionist.
629
00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:19,889
She goes with our new surroundings.
630
00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,811
Ulla?
631
00:39:25,154 --> 00:39:26,565
Ulla...
632
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:30,282
Ulla, I want you to meet my associate
and partner, Mr Leo Bloom.
633
00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:31,901
God dag på deg.
634
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,870
- I beg your pardon?
- God dag på deg.
635
00:39:34,998 --> 00:39:37,866
Oh, god dagen...
636
00:39:38,001 --> 00:39:41,369
Max, have you gone mad?
A receptionist that can't speak English?
637
00:39:41,504 --> 00:39:42,961
What will people say?
638
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,673
They'll say, "Ah-woo-ah
wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha."
639
00:39:46,801 --> 00:39:49,293
- What is she going to do here?
- Shh!
640
00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,011
I'll show you.
641
00:39:51,139 --> 00:39:54,632
Ulla, go to work.
642
00:39:54,767 --> 00:39:56,429
"Go to work."
643
00:40:06,362 --> 00:40:08,319
(♪ Upbeat music plays)
644
00:40:22,712 --> 00:40:24,078
(Bialystock) Ulla, OK.
645
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,122
OK, Ulla.
646
00:40:26,257 --> 00:40:30,877
Cream puff,
sweetie pie, pussycat, OK.
647
00:40:31,012 --> 00:40:32,298
Ulla!
648
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,843
Stop work!
649
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,011
(♪ Music stops)
650
00:40:41,147 --> 00:40:44,265
Would you believe it?
I met her at the public library.
651
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:47,852
Ulla.
652
00:40:50,156 --> 00:40:52,239
Go to desk.
Answer telephone.
653
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:55,860
"Bialystock and Bloom.
Bialystock and Bloom."
654
00:40:55,995 --> 00:40:59,284
Bialystock and Bloom.
Bialystock and Bloom.
655
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,701
God dag på deg.
656
00:41:00,833 --> 00:41:03,496
Bialystock and Bloom.
God dag på deg.
657
00:41:03,628 --> 00:41:05,210
Bialystock and Bloom.
658
00:41:05,338 --> 00:41:07,000
God dag på deg.
659
00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:08,838
Nice girl.
660
00:41:09,634 --> 00:41:11,296
Hey, Bloom.
661
00:41:11,427 --> 00:41:13,009
Take a cigar.
662
00:41:13,137 --> 00:41:15,299
- Max, maybe we should both...
- (Buzzing)
663
00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:18,595
- What's that?
- Nothing, nothing. Go on, go on.
664
00:41:27,860 --> 00:41:29,852
Smart as a whip.
665
00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:42,118
No, no, no, no...
666
00:41:42,792 --> 00:41:44,829
No, no, no, no!
667
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,872
You Swedish tease.
668
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:52,791
Min Bialystock.
669
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:54,714
You'll bury me.
670
00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:04,804
Leo, what were you saying?
671
00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:07,226
What? Oh, Max...
672
00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,771
Maybe we should go
a little easier on the spending.
673
00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:13,862
- I mean, these offices and all.
- Why? Take it when you can get it.
674
00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:15,731
Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!
675
00:42:15,867 --> 00:42:17,859
But if something should,
God forbid, go wrong,
676
00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:19,794
at least we could give back
some of the money.
677
00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:21,453
I mean,
it would look better in court.
678
00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:24,540
Stop talking like that,
you white mouse.
679
00:42:24,667 --> 00:42:26,078
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
680
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:29,123
As a matter of fact, today,
I have taken steps to make sure
681
00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:32,419
that "Springtime for Hitler"
will be a total disaster.
682
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:36,635
At two o'clock, we have an appointment
with none other than Roger de Bris.
683
00:42:36,763 --> 00:42:38,379
Roger de Bris?
684
00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:41,177
What? Oh, the director.
Is he good?
685
00:42:41,309 --> 00:42:43,801
- I mean, is he bad?
- He stinks.
686
00:42:43,936 --> 00:42:46,553
He's perhaps the worst director
that ever lived.
687
00:42:46,689 --> 00:42:50,774
He's the only director whose plays
close on the first day of rehearsal.
688
00:42:50,902 --> 00:42:55,237
- Do you think he'll take the job?
- Only if we ask him.
689
00:42:55,364 --> 00:42:58,357
It's late. I'll get the car.
690
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:02,611
Ja?
691
00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:05,114
Call chauffeur. Get car.
692
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,582
Good, good. We go to motel?
693
00:43:07,710 --> 00:43:09,702
No, no, no. We go.
694
00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:13,547
You and Mr Bloom go to motel?
695
00:43:13,674 --> 00:43:15,791
No. No motel.
696
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:17,634
Get car. Get car.
697
00:43:17,762 --> 00:43:21,506
Get car, get car. (Giggles inanely)
698
00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:23,223
Get car.
699
00:43:36,572 --> 00:43:38,564
Thank you, Rudolfo.
700
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:46,580
Now, don't let anything
he says or does upset you.
701
00:43:46,707 --> 00:43:48,289
He's a little peculiar.
702
00:43:48,417 --> 00:43:51,376
- What do you mean?
- Yes?
703
00:43:53,673 --> 00:43:57,292
I am Max Bialystock.
This is my associate, Mr Bloom.
704
00:43:57,426 --> 00:43:59,668
We have an appointment
with Mr de Bris.
705
00:43:59,804 --> 00:44:03,138
Oh, yes, you are expected.
Please do come in.
706
00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:14,809
How do you do?
707
00:44:14,944 --> 00:44:18,028
I'm Carmen Giya,
Monsieur de Bris' private secretary.
708
00:44:18,156 --> 00:44:19,772
Would you please remove your shoes?
709
00:44:23,452 --> 00:44:26,160
White, white, white
is the colour of our carpet.
710
00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,742
Will you please follow me?
711
00:45:01,532 --> 00:45:03,068
Oh.
712
00:45:08,581 --> 00:45:10,322
(Clears throat)
713
00:45:10,458 --> 00:45:12,745
(Chuckles)
714
00:45:25,223 --> 00:45:26,589
Please.
715
00:45:35,858 --> 00:45:37,520
We're not alone!
716
00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:40,402
Please sit down.
717
00:45:41,364 --> 00:45:43,276
Roger?
718
00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:47,196
Ah! Messrs Bialystock and Bloom,
I presume?
719
00:45:47,328 --> 00:45:48,864
(Laughs) Forgive the pun.
720
00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,658
(Laughs)
721
00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:53,453
- What pun?
- Shut up. He thinks he's witty.
722
00:45:54,502 --> 00:45:56,084
Good to see you again, Roger.
723
00:45:56,212 --> 00:45:58,955
Did you get a chance to read
"Springtime for Hitler"?
724
00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:00,090
Remarkable.
725
00:46:00,633 --> 00:46:02,169
Remarkable!
726
00:46:04,011 --> 00:46:06,344
A stunning piece of work.
727
00:46:07,139 --> 00:46:09,597
Max, he's wearing a dress.
728
00:46:10,434 --> 00:46:11,675
No kidding.
729
00:46:11,811 --> 00:46:16,181
I, for one, think
it is a very important play.
730
00:46:18,192 --> 00:46:23,813
Do you know, I never realised
that the Third Reich meant Germany!
731
00:46:23,948 --> 00:46:28,067
I mean, it's drenched
with historical goodies like that.
732
00:46:29,578 --> 00:46:32,537
Oh, dear...
You're staring at my dress.
733
00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:35,115
I should explain.
734
00:46:35,251 --> 00:46:37,709
I'm going to the
choreographer's ball tonight.
735
00:46:37,837 --> 00:46:41,626
- There is a prize for the best costume.
- And we always win.
736
00:46:41,757 --> 00:46:43,714
I'm not so sure about tonight.
737
00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:47,007
I'm supposed to be
the Grand Duchess Anastasia,
738
00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,972
but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie.
What do you think?
739
00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:51,761
- Well...
- Now, be cruel.
740
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:55,852
Be brutal. Be brutal!
Because, heaven knows, they will.
741
00:46:57,356 --> 00:46:59,848
Well? What do you think,
Mr Bloom?
742
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,237
Where do you keep your wallet?
743
00:47:06,365 --> 00:47:10,029
It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous.
You couldn't have picked a better colour.
744
00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:15,281
It brings out your eyes.
Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you.
745
00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:19,626
- Do you really think it brings out my eyes?
- We can't tell a thing without your wig.
746
00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:22,747
As far as I'm concerned,
you're only half-dressed.
747
00:47:22,882 --> 00:47:24,919
Well, if you're so worried
about the wig, get it,
748
00:47:25,051 --> 00:47:27,759
O Wicked Witch of the West.
749
00:47:27,887 --> 00:47:31,471
- (♪ Roger humming)
- Quick, light his cigarette.
750
00:47:31,599 --> 00:47:34,342
- He likes you.
- I don't want to...
751
00:47:50,409 --> 00:47:53,026
Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?
752
00:47:53,954 --> 00:47:55,536
Mmh...
753
00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:00,997
I've never been on a summer cruise.
754
00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:03,871
A h! Quel dommage.
755
00:48:04,006 --> 00:48:05,668
(♪ Humming)
756
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,634
Oh, I see we're getting acquainted.
757
00:48:08,761 --> 00:48:11,845
How would you like to go back
to teasing hair, big mouth?
758
00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:13,554
Later, Roger.
759
00:48:13,682 --> 00:48:17,016
Roger, do you mind
if we talk a little business?
760
00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:21,388
Oh, please, please.
That is what we are here for.
761
00:48:21,524 --> 00:48:25,859
I think this would be
a marvellous opportunity for you, Roger.
762
00:48:25,986 --> 00:48:28,353
Be careful. That hurt!
763
00:48:28,489 --> 00:48:31,027
Up to now, you've always
been associated with musicals.
764
00:48:31,158 --> 00:48:34,447
Yes! Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns.
765
00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:37,787
"Two, three, kick, turn.
Turn, turn, kick, turn!"
766
00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:39,406
It's enough to make you puke.
767
00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:40,874
Roger.
768
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:44,585
But now, at last,
a chance to do straight drama.
769
00:48:45,172 --> 00:48:48,210
Roger de Bris presents history.
770
00:48:49,593 --> 00:48:53,678
Of course,
I think we should add a little music,
771
00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:56,219
and that whole third act has got to go.
772
00:48:56,892 --> 00:49:00,226
They're losing the war.
It's too depressing.
773
00:49:01,897 --> 00:49:04,435
We shall have to put something in there.
774
00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:07,101
- (Screams)
- What?
775
00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:09,319
I see it! I see it!
776
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:13,657
A line of beautiful girls
dressed as storm troopers,
777
00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:15,616
black patent leather boots,
778
00:49:15,744 --> 00:49:17,110
- S-M.
- Love it.
779
00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:19,408
All marching together!
780
00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:22,203
"Two, three, kick, turn.
Turn, turn, kick, turn..."
781
00:49:22,334 --> 00:49:23,666
It will work!
782
00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:26,707
That is genius! Genius!
783
00:49:26,839 --> 00:49:29,331
I think I speak for Mr Bloom
and myself when I say
784
00:49:29,467 --> 00:49:33,336
you're the only man in the world
who can do justice to "Springtime for Hitler".
785
00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:35,929
Wait a minute.
This is a very big decision.
786
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:38,969
It might affect the course of my entire life.
787
00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:41,593
I shall have to think about it.
788
00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:44,597
- I'll do it.
- Congratulations and thank you.
789
00:49:44,732 --> 00:49:47,270
Get on the phone!
Send out a casting call!
790
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:51,566
Call every agent in town!
I want to see everybody, everybody!
791
00:50:07,129 --> 00:50:08,711
Heil!
792
00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,811
This is bedlam! Bedlam!
793
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,768
We must have some order!
794
00:50:29,485 --> 00:50:32,649
(Roger) Whoa, whoa... whoa!
795
00:50:32,780 --> 00:50:36,319
Will the dancing Hitlers
please wait in the wings?
796
00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:38,407
We are only seeing singing Hitlers.
797
00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:49,002
Arthur Packard.
798
00:50:53,759 --> 00:50:56,422
Hello, Arthur.
Tell us something about yourself.
799
00:50:56,554 --> 00:51:00,548
I was the lead tenor
of the Albuquerque Opera Company
800
00:51:00,683 --> 00:51:02,470
for the last two seasons.
801
00:51:02,601 --> 00:51:05,514
I just finished the road tour of "Lilac Time",
802
00:51:05,604 --> 00:51:08,347
and last season,
I was up for the lead
803
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:11,600
in the Broadway production
of "The Gypsy Lover".
804
00:51:11,735 --> 00:51:13,021
What happened?
805
00:51:13,153 --> 00:51:14,610
I didn't get it.
806
00:51:14,738 --> 00:51:16,900
Well, Arthur, what are you going
to sing for us?
807
00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:21,117
I would like to sing
"A Wandering Minstrel I".
808
00:51:21,745 --> 00:51:22,745
Verywell.
809
00:51:22,871 --> 00:51:25,204
(♪ Piano strikes up)
810
00:51:27,376 --> 00:51:31,245
♪ A wandering minstrel I
811
00:51:31,380 --> 00:51:34,293
♪ A thing of shreds and...
812
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:37,042
- (Roger) Thank you!
- ♪...patches ♪
813
00:51:37,177 --> 00:51:38,713
Next, please!
814
00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:41,213
Jason Green. Please.
815
00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:47,268
Well, Jason, and what
have you been up to lately?
816
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:51,815
For the last 16 years,
I have been touring with the USO.
817
00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:52,942
Well...
818
00:51:53,736 --> 00:51:55,213
And what are you going to sing for us?
819
00:51:55,237 --> 00:51:57,775
"Have You Ever Heard
The German Band?"
820
00:51:57,906 --> 00:51:59,272
No.
821
00:51:59,408 --> 00:52:02,742
That's the name of the song
I am going to sing.
822
00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:04,327
Oh...
823
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:07,781
You will play it!
824
00:52:07,916 --> 00:52:09,782
(♪ Piano strikes up)
825
00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:16,255
♪ Haben Sie gehört
826
00:52:16,383 --> 00:52:18,966
♪ Das deutsche Band
827
00:52:19,094 --> 00:52:21,381
♪ With a bang, with a boom
828
00:52:21,513 --> 00:52:23,721
♪ With a bang-bang, boom-boom, bang
829
00:52:24,558 --> 00:52:29,804
♪ Oh, haben Sie gehört
das deutsche Band
830
00:52:29,938 --> 00:52:32,055
♪ With a bang, with a boom...
831
00:52:32,191 --> 00:52:35,104
- (Roger) Thank you!
- ♪ With a bing ♪
832
00:52:36,737 --> 00:52:40,071
"The Little Wooden Boy".
833
00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:41,986
(♪ Piano strikes up)
834
00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:46,994
- ♪ Once... ♪
- (Roger) Thank you!
835
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,875
- ♪ Beautiful dreamer
- (Roger) Thank you!
836
00:52:52,002 --> 00:52:53,538
♪ Harken... ♪
837
00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:56,789
- Oh! Does that mean that I don't get...
- (Roger) I'm sorry.
838
00:52:56,924 --> 00:52:58,790
You're sorry?
839
00:52:59,385 --> 00:53:02,844
- ♪ De la...
- (Roger) Thank you!
840
00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:08,926
♪ Città ♪
841
00:53:09,061 --> 00:53:10,643
(Blows raspberry)
842
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:12,186
Well, that's it.
843
00:53:18,654 --> 00:53:21,067
- Hey, man.
- I beg your pardon?
844
00:53:21,949 --> 00:53:25,113
Is this where they're auditioning
"Boomerang", baby?
845
00:53:25,244 --> 00:53:28,203
I'm afraid you wandered
into the wrong theatre.
846
00:53:29,957 --> 00:53:33,792
Oh, man, not again!
Freaked out again.
847
00:53:33,919 --> 00:53:35,455
(Bialystock) Wait! Wait!
848
00:53:35,587 --> 00:53:37,954
This is "Boomerang", this is "Boomerang".
849
00:53:38,090 --> 00:53:41,049
- What are you saying?
- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose?
850
00:53:41,176 --> 00:53:42,758
All right.
851
00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:44,627
- Young man...
- Yes, man?
852
00:53:44,763 --> 00:53:46,299
What is your name?
853
00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:50,433
Oh, man. My name?
854
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,554
I know my...
855
00:53:54,690 --> 00:53:57,228
Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby.
856
00:53:57,359 --> 00:54:01,273
Lorenzo St. Dubois,
but my friends call me LSD.
857
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:04,773
- And what have you done, LSD?
- Man, about six months.
858
00:54:04,908 --> 00:54:07,028
But I'm on probation,
and I'm cool, man. I'm straight.
859
00:54:07,161 --> 00:54:09,494
I mean, what do you do best?
860
00:54:09,621 --> 00:54:11,988
Hey, man, I can't do that here.
861
00:54:12,124 --> 00:54:13,615
That's why they put me away, baby.
862
00:54:13,751 --> 00:54:15,788
(Roger) Oh, sing, sing.
863
00:54:15,919 --> 00:54:17,605
(LSD) Oh, thank you.
Thank you so very much.
864
00:54:17,629 --> 00:54:18,836
We're gonna sing.
865
00:54:18,964 --> 00:54:22,082
If I may, I'd like to call on my group.
They kind of help me a little.
866
00:54:22,217 --> 00:54:24,129
Group! Come on, fellas.
867
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,423
I would like to sing this song.
868
00:54:26,555 --> 00:54:29,969
(Clears throat)
It's about love... and hate.
869
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:33,935
Psychedelically speaking,
I am talking about "the power".
870
00:54:35,647 --> 00:54:37,934
(♪ Psychedelic soft rock)
871
00:54:45,157 --> 00:54:46,819
♪ Love power
872
00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:49,609
♪ I'm talking about
873
00:54:49,745 --> 00:54:51,202
♪ Love power
874
00:54:52,206 --> 00:54:55,370
♪ The power of a sweet flower
875
00:54:56,543 --> 00:54:58,330
♪ Is gonna rule the earth
876
00:55:00,631 --> 00:55:02,998
♪ And there'll be a great rebirth
877
00:55:06,804 --> 00:55:09,171
♪ Love is the flower that is mine
878
00:55:10,933 --> 00:55:12,925
♪ When I'm walking with my darlin'
879
00:55:13,060 --> 00:55:15,177
♪ And we're holding hands
880
00:55:15,771 --> 00:55:17,603
♪ And life is fine
881
00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:20,098
♪ 'Cause she understands
882
00:55:20,234 --> 00:55:23,272
♪ Walking down the sunny street
883
00:55:24,696 --> 00:55:26,483
♪ Giving pretty flowers
884
00:55:26,615 --> 00:55:29,528
♪ To the people that we meet
885
00:55:33,121 --> 00:55:37,741
♪ And I give a flower to the big, fat cop
886
00:55:37,876 --> 00:55:42,120
♪ He takes his club, and he beats me up
887
00:55:42,256 --> 00:55:46,500
♪ I give a flower to the garbage man
888
00:55:46,635 --> 00:55:50,595
♪ He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
889
00:55:50,722 --> 00:55:54,932
♪ And I give it to the landlord
when the rent comes round
890
00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:56,892
♪ He throws it in a toilet
891
00:55:57,020 --> 00:55:59,182
♪ And he'll flush it down
892
00:55:59,314 --> 00:56:01,021
♪ It goes into the sewer
893
00:56:01,149 --> 00:56:03,141
♪ With the yuck running through her
894
00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:05,985
♪ And it runs into the river that we drink
895
00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:08,105
♪ Hey, world, you stink
896
00:56:08,949 --> 00:56:09,985
♪ Ooh!
897
00:56:10,117 --> 00:56:12,825
♪ Ooh! Man, it's later than you think
898
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,614
♪ Ooh! So you got just one more chance
899
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:21,372
♪ Mmh! Come on, baby, while I dance
900
00:56:32,097 --> 00:56:34,589
♪ Love, love power
901
00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:36,591
♪ I'm talking about
902
00:56:36,727 --> 00:56:38,434
♪ Love power
903
00:56:39,354 --> 00:56:42,563
♪ The power of a little flower
904
00:56:44,776 --> 00:56:46,608
♪ You don't think about the little flowers
905
00:56:46,737 --> 00:56:48,945
♪ Oh, no, all you think about is guns
906
00:56:49,072 --> 00:56:52,156
♪ If everybody in the world today
had a flower instead of a gun
907
00:56:52,284 --> 00:56:53,525
♪ There would be no wars
908
00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:56,073
♪ There would be one big smell-in
909
00:56:57,956 --> 00:56:59,618
♪ Just a flower!
910
00:57:02,085 --> 00:57:03,576
♪ Hey, man
911
00:57:05,923 --> 00:57:07,414
♪ My flower
912
00:57:09,176 --> 00:57:11,293
♪ What'd you do to my flower, man?
913
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:14,717
♪ You hurt it, like everything else
914
00:57:16,516 --> 00:57:18,223
♪ Everything else
915
00:57:18,352 --> 00:57:20,139
♪ No flower ♪
916
00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:27,896
(Bialystock) That's our Hitler!
917
00:58:03,772 --> 00:58:05,388
Your Highness.
918
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:13,730
There's The Times ' drama critic.
919
00:58:13,865 --> 00:58:18,530
Watch closely as Max Bialystock
puts the last nail into the coffin.
920
00:58:18,662 --> 00:58:21,621
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
921
00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:24,832
Always delighted to greet
the gentlemen of the press.
922
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:26,292
Here you are, sir.
923
00:58:26,420 --> 00:58:29,379
Two on the aisle,
compliments of the management.
924
00:58:29,506 --> 00:58:30,838
Thank you.
925
00:58:30,966 --> 00:58:34,835
Wait, wait... Wait a moment.
There seems to be some mistake.
926
00:58:34,970 --> 00:58:38,134
There's a $100-bill
wrapped around these tickets.
927
00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,131
That's no mistake.
928
00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:42,304
Enjoy the show.
929
00:58:42,436 --> 00:58:45,975
Mr Bialystock,
just what do you think you're doing?
930
00:58:46,106 --> 00:58:48,063
I'm bribing you.
931
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:51,855
Just play ball,
there's a lot more where that came from.
932
00:59:17,095 --> 00:59:18,961
Fix this button.
933
00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:22,302
Straight! Up! Up! Always up!
934
00:59:26,188 --> 00:59:30,523
Gentlemen, it is magic time.
Good luck.
935
00:59:30,650 --> 00:59:32,357
Good luck.
936
00:59:34,446 --> 00:59:36,984
Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow...
937
00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:43,612
So much for Nazi failure.
938
00:59:43,747 --> 00:59:46,330
(♪ Overture starts)
939
00:59:51,296 --> 00:59:53,834
(Laughs) He'll kill us.
940
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:57,758
Max, come on, the overture's started.
941
01:00:04,810 --> 01:00:06,597
Well, Max...
942
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:10,979
This is it!
943
01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:12,940
Sorry. I'm a little nervous.
944
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:16,027
Relax. In two hours,
our worries will be over.
945
01:00:20,826 --> 01:00:23,910
♪ Germany was having trouble,
what a sad, sad story
946
01:00:24,037 --> 01:00:27,530
♪ Needed a new leader
to restore its former glory
947
01:00:27,666 --> 01:00:29,749
♪ Where, O where was he?
948
01:00:29,876 --> 01:00:32,038
♪ Where could that man be?
949
01:00:32,170 --> 01:00:35,254
♪ We looked around and then we found
950
01:00:35,382 --> 01:00:37,499
♪ The man for you and me
951
01:00:38,552 --> 01:00:41,215
♪ And now it's...
952
01:00:41,346 --> 01:00:47,183
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
953
01:00:49,062 --> 01:00:54,979
♪ Deutschland is happy and gay
954
01:00:55,944 --> 01:01:01,815
♪ We're marching to a faster pace
955
01:01:02,784 --> 01:01:08,200
♪ Look out, here comes the master race
956
01:01:09,624 --> 01:01:14,995
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
957
01:01:16,798 --> 01:01:21,668
♪ Winter for Poland and France
958
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:28,926
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
959
01:01:29,644 --> 01:01:31,180
♪ Come on, Germans
960
01:01:31,313 --> 01:01:33,930
♪ Go into your dance
961
01:01:39,196 --> 01:01:42,564
♪ I was born in Düsseldorf,
and that is why they call me Rolf
962
01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:48,702
♪ Don't be stupid, be a smarty,
come and join the Nazi party!
963
01:02:31,998 --> 01:02:37,710
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
964
01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:39,499
(Gunshot sound effects)
965
01:02:39,631 --> 01:02:44,001
♪ Goose step's the new step today
966
01:02:44,135 --> 01:02:46,593
(Machine gun sound effects)
967
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:51,762
♪ Bombs falling from the skies again
968
01:02:51,893 --> 01:02:53,725
(Bomb sound effects)
969
01:02:53,853 --> 01:02:59,190
♪ Deutschland is on the rise again
970
01:03:01,236 --> 01:03:06,607
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
971
01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:12,160
♪ U-boats are sailing once more... ♪
972
01:03:12,289 --> 01:03:13,700
Well!
973
01:03:13,832 --> 01:03:15,698
Talk about bad taste!
974
01:03:15,834 --> 01:03:22,502
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
975
01:03:23,591 --> 01:03:27,426
♪ Means that soon we'll be going
976
01:03:27,554 --> 01:03:29,420
♪ We've got to be going
977
01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:39,023
♪ You know we'll be going to war ♪
978
01:03:47,741 --> 01:03:49,277
Yeah!
979
01:03:49,409 --> 01:03:51,571
(People shouting angrily)
980
01:03:54,873 --> 01:03:56,865
Come, let us repair
to the bar across the street.
981
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,040
We don't want to be caught here
during intermission.
982
01:03:59,169 --> 01:04:01,331
They'll stone us to death.
983
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:10,094
(Actress on stage)
Er liebt mich, er liebt mich nicht.
984
01:04:10,221 --> 01:04:13,259
Er liebt mich, er liebt mich nicht.
985
01:04:14,225 --> 01:04:16,057
Er liebt mich nicht!
986
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:21,430
Hey, man...
987
01:04:21,566 --> 01:04:25,105
I lieb you. I lieb you, baby.
I lieb you!
988
01:04:25,236 --> 01:04:26,647
Now lieb me alone.
989
01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:29,147
(Laughing)
990
01:04:29,282 --> 01:04:30,864
Harry, he's funny.
991
01:04:30,992 --> 01:04:33,200
Hey, Maureen, come!
992
01:04:36,247 --> 01:04:38,079
If you lieb me so much,
993
01:04:38,208 --> 01:04:41,372
why don't you pay attention to me,
you big dictator?
994
01:04:41,961 --> 01:04:45,295
Oh, you chicks!
Oh, you chicks! You're all alike!
995
01:04:45,423 --> 01:04:48,666
All you think about is
lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben!
996
01:04:48,802 --> 01:04:51,465
Don't you forget, baby,
I took an oath.
997
01:04:51,596 --> 01:04:53,758
Deutschland über alles!
998
01:04:55,058 --> 01:04:56,344
- Ah.
- So, cool it,
999
01:04:56,476 --> 01:04:58,388
while I map out my campaign.
1000
01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:00,886
(♪ Plays blues)
1001
01:05:02,732 --> 01:05:04,473
♪ Gonna crush Poland
1002
01:05:06,027 --> 01:05:08,895
♪ And I'm gonna take over France
1003
01:05:09,030 --> 01:05:11,568
♪ Ba, whee, dow, baba-dodo
1004
01:05:11,699 --> 01:05:13,281
♪ Sieg heil, Sieg heil!
1005
01:05:13,410 --> 01:05:16,869
♪ Then we're gonna take over Poland
1006
01:05:16,996 --> 01:05:20,205
♪ And then I'm a-gonna crush France
1007
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:24,202
♪ Baby, don't you know, mama
1008
01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:27,830
♪ Then I'm gonna cross
that English Channel, wow!
1009
01:05:27,966 --> 01:05:32,051
♪ And then I'm gonna kick them cats
in the pants, pow! ♪
1010
01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:34,636
(Audience roars with laughter)
1011
01:05:35,807 --> 01:05:37,514
Heil!
1012
01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:42,519
(Laughs)
1013
01:05:44,274 --> 01:05:46,687
Did you see the look
on that woman's face?
1014
01:05:46,818 --> 01:05:48,730
When the guy started to sing...
1015
01:05:48,862 --> 01:05:52,401
♪ Springtime for Hitler
1016
01:05:52,532 --> 01:05:54,398
(Both) ♪ And Germany ♪
1017
01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,989
Shh!
1018
01:05:58,121 --> 01:06:02,582
Here's to the one and only performance
of "Springtime for Hitler".
1019
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:04,746
May it rest in peace.
1020
01:06:09,382 --> 01:06:11,965
(Knocks on table)
Innkeeper! Innkeeper!
1021
01:06:12,093 --> 01:06:14,005
Another round of drinks here.
1022
01:06:15,263 --> 01:06:18,882
As a matter of fact, a round of drinks
for everybody in the place.
1023
01:06:23,104 --> 01:06:24,766
Just think...
1024
01:06:24,898 --> 01:06:28,482
Yesterday,
I was a meaningless little accountant,
1025
01:06:28,610 --> 01:06:31,774
and today I'm the producer
of a Broadway flop!
1026
01:06:31,905 --> 01:06:35,740
(Laughs) Well, here's to failure.
1027
01:06:35,867 --> 01:06:37,233
To failure.
1028
01:06:37,368 --> 01:06:40,736
Oh, thank you.
It's very kind of you.
1029
01:06:52,634 --> 01:06:54,546
Bitteschön, mein Führer.
1030
01:06:55,386 --> 01:06:58,094
Hey, man, you're a German!
1031
01:06:59,474 --> 01:07:01,215
We're all Germans!
1032
01:07:02,769 --> 01:07:04,601
That's right!
1033
01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:07,767
That means we cannot attack Germany.
1034
01:07:07,899 --> 01:07:09,856
(Audience laughing)
1035
01:07:10,818 --> 01:07:13,356
I mean, I got all my friends here,
you know?
1036
01:07:14,989 --> 01:07:17,231
And what about me?
1037
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:20,951
And then there's the country club
and the laughs every night...
1038
01:07:21,079 --> 01:07:22,911
We got to do something.
I got it!
1039
01:07:23,790 --> 01:07:26,908
I've got it! I've got it! I've got it!
I've got it!
1040
01:07:27,043 --> 01:07:31,037
- What have you got?
- A medal. It fell down my pants, man.
1041
01:07:31,172 --> 01:07:32,629
Get it out, baby.
1042
01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:34,881
Dankeschön, baby.
1043
01:07:35,009 --> 01:07:38,423
"Baby. Baby."
1044
01:07:38,555 --> 01:07:40,091
Why does he say this "baby"?
1045
01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:43,432
The Führer has never said "baby".
I did not write "baby".
1046
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:45,643
What is it with this "baby"?
1047
01:07:45,770 --> 01:07:47,432
Will you please shut up?
1048
01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:50,227
You shut up.
You are the audience.
1049
01:07:50,358 --> 01:07:53,351
I am the author. I outrank you!
1050
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:55,777
Barkeep! Barkeep!
1051
01:07:55,905 --> 01:07:58,238
Another drink for myself...
1052
01:07:58,366 --> 01:08:00,358
my associate, Mr Bloom...
1053
01:08:03,329 --> 01:08:07,448
And don't forget
our good-natured inebriate over here.
1054
01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,541
Eternally grateful.
1055
01:08:17,677 --> 01:08:20,090
(♪ Humming)
1056
01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:21,632
- A toast!
- A toast!
1057
01:08:21,764 --> 01:08:23,471
A toast!
1058
01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:25,424
To what?
1059
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:26,801
To...
1060
01:08:29,147 --> 01:08:31,309
To toast. I love toast.
1061
01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:33,854
- To toast.
- To toast.
1062
01:08:35,194 --> 01:08:36,981
(♪ Humming)
1063
01:08:40,617 --> 01:08:42,074
- Now...
- (♪ Music starts playing)
1064
01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:44,067
I'll take the lead,
1065
01:08:44,203 --> 01:08:48,618
and I want you right behind
me all the way!
1066
01:08:48,750 --> 01:08:49,831
♪ By the light
1067
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:51,996
♪ By the light, by the light
1068
01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:56,213
♪ Of the silvery moon
1069
01:08:56,341 --> 01:08:58,048
♪ I want to spoon
1070
01:08:58,176 --> 01:09:00,668
♪ He wants to spoon,
he wants to spoon
1071
01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:02,214
♪ To my honey I'll croon
1072
01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:05,340
♪ He's gonna croon a love's tune
1073
01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:08,593
- ♪ Honeymoon
- ♪ Honeymoon, honeymoon
1074
01:09:08,728 --> 01:09:10,720
♪ Came a-shining in June
1075
01:09:10,855 --> 01:09:15,190
- ♪ Your silvery beams...
- Sing it out, boys!
1076
01:09:15,318 --> 01:09:17,105
♪...will bring love's dreams
1077
01:09:17,236 --> 01:09:20,980
- ♪ We'll be cuddling soon
- Oh, ride me off!
1078
01:09:21,115 --> 01:09:26,076
♪ By the silvery moon ♪
1079
01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:27,866
Bye!
1080
01:09:35,171 --> 01:09:37,083
It's intermission! Quick!
1081
01:09:37,215 --> 01:09:39,878
Hide your faces.
They'll tear us to pieces.
1082
01:09:43,513 --> 01:09:46,005
- Give us a couple of Manhattans.
- I'll have a Manhattan.
1083
01:09:47,058 --> 01:09:49,471
- Here you go, Frank.
- You getting it? Good boy!
1084
01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:51,468
Two whisky sours, please.
1085
01:09:51,604 --> 01:09:55,143
Well, so far, that's about one of the
funniest things I've ever seen on Broadway.
1086
01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:58,893
- I never laughed so much in my life.
- Absolutely hysterical!
1087
01:09:59,028 --> 01:10:01,736
I thought I'd split my sides!
1088
01:10:03,366 --> 01:10:05,528
Take it easy. Don't panic.
1089
01:10:05,660 --> 01:10:07,276
There are a lot of plays on this street.
1090
01:10:07,412 --> 01:10:10,120
They aren't necessarily
talking about "Springtime for Hitler".
1091
01:10:10,248 --> 01:10:14,492
Would you ever believe you'd love
a show called "Springtime for Hitler"?
1092
01:10:16,671 --> 01:10:18,253
Hey, come on, let's get back!
1093
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:21,340
If the second act is anything like the first,
this'll run for five years!
1094
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:25,302
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany ♪
1095
01:10:27,932 --> 01:10:30,424
Gotta think. Gotta think.
1096
01:10:31,102 --> 01:10:33,845
Mrs Cathcart, 50 per cent.
1097
01:10:33,980 --> 01:10:36,097
Mrs Resnick, 50 per cent.
1098
01:10:36,232 --> 01:10:37,768
Gotta think.
1099
01:10:37,900 --> 01:10:40,938
- (Bloom) Mrs Biddlecomb, 50 per cent.
- Gotta think. Gotta think.
1100
01:10:41,070 --> 01:10:43,813
Mrs Wentworth, 100 per cent.
1101
01:10:43,948 --> 01:10:45,905
(Moans)
1102
01:10:47,034 --> 01:10:51,950
- Leo.
- No way out.
1103
01:10:52,081 --> 01:10:53,242
- Leo.
- No way...
1104
01:10:53,374 --> 01:10:54,455
Leo.
1105
01:10:55,626 --> 01:10:58,084
- No way...
- Leo, listen.
1106
01:10:58,212 --> 01:11:00,499
Let's go to the theatre
and see what's really happening.
1107
01:11:00,631 --> 01:11:03,874
After all, we only heard from
a small portion of the audience.
1108
01:11:05,011 --> 01:11:07,549
Let's hear what the majority thinks.
1109
01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:11,720
- The majority?
- The majority.
1110
01:11:11,851 --> 01:11:14,184
- Let's hear from the majority.
- Yeah, the majority.
1111
01:11:14,312 --> 01:11:16,053
- Where's the majority?
- Majority.
1112
01:11:16,189 --> 01:11:18,306
- Let's hear the majority.
- The majority.
1113
01:11:18,441 --> 01:11:20,148
- See the majority?
- The majority.
1114
01:11:20,276 --> 01:11:21,796
- Where's the majority?
- The majority.
1115
01:11:21,903 --> 01:11:24,862
(Audience roars with laughter)
1116
01:11:32,705 --> 01:11:34,992
(Imitates playing bass)
1117
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:39,371
♪ One and one is two
1118
01:11:39,504 --> 01:11:40,745
♪ Two and two is four
1119
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:43,918
♪ I feel so bad
'cause I'm losing the war ♪
1120
01:11:48,471 --> 01:11:50,929
Excuse me. Excuse me.
1121
01:11:51,057 --> 01:11:53,891
The play here is in progress!
You must be quiet!
1122
01:11:54,018 --> 01:11:55,930
Swine! Swine!
1123
01:12:00,900 --> 01:12:03,517
Oh, man, we're losing everything!
Everything!
1124
01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:05,485
Where's my Goebbels?
Where's my Goebbels?
1125
01:12:05,613 --> 01:12:08,401
Where's my Goebbels?
Get me my little Joe!
1126
01:12:08,533 --> 01:12:09,899
Send for Goebbels!
1127
01:12:10,034 --> 01:12:14,404
- Send for Goebbels!
- Send for Goebbels!
1128
01:12:20,044 --> 01:12:22,161
- Heil, baby!
- Hey, baby!
1129
01:12:22,296 --> 01:12:23,296
What's happening?
1130
01:12:23,422 --> 01:12:26,085
I just laid the morning propaganda
programmes on the people.
1131
01:12:26,217 --> 01:12:28,459
You're putting me on!
What did they say?
1132
01:12:28,594 --> 01:12:31,052
I told the people we invaded England!
1133
01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:34,093
Hey, that's a groove, daddy!
How did we come out?
1134
01:12:34,225 --> 01:12:35,932
We beat 'em, baby!
1135
01:12:36,060 --> 01:12:38,097
Groovy! That's my Joe!
That's my little Joe.
1136
01:12:38,229 --> 01:12:40,141
I love my little Joe.
1137
01:12:41,107 --> 01:12:42,223
Joseph?
1138
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:45,066
You are smoking
in the presence of the Führer.
1139
01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:46,935
I'm sorry, big daddy.
1140
01:12:50,032 --> 01:12:51,568
They try.
1141
01:12:51,701 --> 01:12:53,818
Man, how they try.
1142
01:12:55,162 --> 01:12:57,449
- Ja!
- Hey, what can I do for you?
1143
01:12:57,582 --> 01:12:59,869
You will please be unconscious.
1144
01:13:00,835 --> 01:13:03,122
This is an outrage.
It must stop.
1145
01:13:03,254 --> 01:13:05,120
It makes me so mad what they do.
1146
01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:06,872
Curtain must go down! Down!
1147
01:13:07,508 --> 01:13:09,420
Hey, what's happening?
1148
01:13:15,057 --> 01:13:17,265
I am the author of this play!
1149
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,350
You are the victims of a hoax!
1150
01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:23,017
These are not my words!
The Führer has never said this "baby"!
1151
01:13:23,149 --> 01:13:26,358
The Führer was sweet!
The Führer was kind!
1152
01:13:26,485 --> 01:13:28,351
- The Führer was good!
- (Clang)
1153
01:13:28,487 --> 01:13:32,731
Oh, he loved me!
Often, often he would say to me,
1154
01:13:32,867 --> 01:13:35,200
"Franz... Ow!"
1155
01:13:35,328 --> 01:13:37,866
(Audience laughing)
1156
01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:02,018
(Door opens)
1157
01:14:05,316 --> 01:14:06,773
Boo-boo?
1158
01:14:07,318 --> 01:14:08,900
Boo-boo?
1159
01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:13,522
- Yeah?
- We make love?
1160
01:14:14,533 --> 01:14:17,446
No. We don't make love.
1161
01:14:17,578 --> 01:14:19,240
Go to work.
1162
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:21,822
(♪ Upbeat music plays)
1163
01:14:45,481 --> 01:14:47,438
"Congratulations.
1164
01:14:47,566 --> 01:14:49,853
"It's the biggest hit on Broadway."
1165
01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:53,270
"Congratulations.
1166
01:14:53,406 --> 01:14:55,568
"Hitler will run forever."
1167
01:14:57,368 --> 01:14:58,825
"Congratulations."
1168
01:14:58,953 --> 01:15:01,616
"Congratulations." "Congratulations."
1169
01:15:01,747 --> 01:15:03,613
- "Congratulations."
- (Knock on door)
1170
01:15:03,749 --> 01:15:06,287
(Roger) Congratulations!
1171
01:15:06,419 --> 01:15:09,253
Have you seen the lines
at the box office?
1172
01:15:09,380 --> 01:15:11,372
It's a torrent!
It's an avalanche!
1173
01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:13,339
It's the biggest hit on Broadway!
1174
01:15:13,467 --> 01:15:16,460
You lousy fruit! You ruined me!
1175
01:15:18,472 --> 01:15:21,465
You're crazy! He's gonna kill me!
Call the police! Call the police!
1176
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:24,434
Help! Help!
Murder! Murder! Rape!
1177
01:15:28,482 --> 01:15:30,348
Don't let anybody in.
1178
01:15:30,484 --> 01:15:32,567
Got to think.
1179
01:15:32,695 --> 01:15:34,027
I got to think.
1180
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:39,991
How could this happen?
1181
01:15:41,454 --> 01:15:43,070
I was so careful.
1182
01:15:43,205 --> 01:15:45,538
I picked the wrong play,
1183
01:15:45,666 --> 01:15:48,204
the wrong director, the wrong cast.
1184
01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:50,827
Where did I go right?
1185
01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,918
What are you doing?
1186
01:15:58,054 --> 01:15:59,795
Don't try to stop me.
I've made up my mind.
1187
01:15:59,930 --> 01:16:01,867
What are you doing with the books?
Where are you going?
1188
01:16:01,891 --> 01:16:03,723
I'm turning myself in.
It's the only way.
1189
01:16:03,851 --> 01:16:05,412
I'm gonna cooperate with the authorities.
1190
01:16:05,436 --> 01:16:07,456
They'll reduce my sentence,
there's time off for good behaviour,
1191
01:16:07,480 --> 01:16:10,097
and maybe I'll get a job
in the prison library. So long.
1192
01:16:10,232 --> 01:16:11,939
Leo. Leo...
1193
01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,275
Leo, Leo, Leo...
1194
01:16:13,402 --> 01:16:16,110
Leo, Leo, take it easy. Relax.
1195
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,525
You're overwrought.
You don't know what you're doing.
1196
01:16:18,657 --> 01:16:21,400
You're acting out of panic.
Give me those books!
1197
01:16:21,535 --> 01:16:23,242
I never should have listened to you!
1198
01:16:23,370 --> 01:16:24,986
I never should have
listened to you!
1199
01:16:25,122 --> 01:16:28,786
- Oh, how I hate you!
- Double, double, double!
1200
01:16:31,962 --> 01:16:33,749
(Laughs raucously)
1201
01:16:33,881 --> 01:16:36,214
(Bloom babbles)
1202
01:16:36,342 --> 01:16:40,677
Fat! Fat!
1203
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:42,512
You fatty!
1204
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:44,597
Give me those books, you fat walrus!
1205
01:16:44,725 --> 01:16:46,887
- Never!
- Give 'em quick!
1206
01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:51,480
- You fat fatty, give me those fat books!
- No! No!
1207
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:57,069
You have broken the sacred oath!
You must die!
1208
01:16:57,780 --> 01:16:58,896
(Screams)
1209
01:17:05,913 --> 01:17:08,200
This is not good here.
1210
01:17:08,332 --> 01:17:10,119
I am not killing you.
1211
01:17:10,251 --> 01:17:13,244
Don't you understand?
You must die.
1212
01:17:13,379 --> 01:17:15,837
Will you cooperate?
1213
01:17:15,965 --> 01:17:17,831
- Come in!
- Come in!
1214
01:17:18,884 --> 01:17:21,797
I hear noise. You call?
1215
01:17:21,929 --> 01:17:23,670
Where are y...
1216
01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:27,466
Boo!
1217
01:17:27,601 --> 01:17:29,388
I see you.
1218
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:32,058
You like something? Coffee?
1219
01:17:32,189 --> 01:17:33,805
Coffee.
1220
01:17:33,941 --> 01:17:36,649
Yes! Good idea.
1221
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:39,190
Ask the gentleman with the gun...
1222
01:17:40,573 --> 01:17:45,113
the gentleman who is shooting at us
and trying to kill us,
1223
01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:47,076
what he will have.
1224
01:17:49,874 --> 01:17:51,991
(Ulla) You like coffee?
1225
01:17:52,835 --> 01:17:54,622
Kaffee? Ja.
1226
01:17:54,753 --> 01:17:56,210
Black, two sugars.
1227
01:17:56,338 --> 01:18:00,503
(Ulla) Two regular,
one black, two sugar. Good.
1228
01:18:08,601 --> 01:18:11,969
- Champagne?
- No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee.
1229
01:18:12,104 --> 01:18:13,104
(Both) Argh!
1230
01:18:14,315 --> 01:18:16,557
(Banging)
1231
01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:19,901
(Franz) Are you coming out
from behind this desk or not?
1232
01:18:20,029 --> 01:18:22,021
- Not!
- (Franz) Cowards!
1233
01:18:22,156 --> 01:18:24,944
Miserable, cringing cowards!
1234
01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:27,616
Clinging to life! Watch!
1235
01:18:29,121 --> 01:18:31,408
Watch and remember!
1236
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:35,079
Franz Liebkind
will show you how to die like a man!
1237
01:18:37,087 --> 01:18:43,084
♪ Deutschland,
Deutschland über alles... ♪
1238
01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:45,927
- Please, sing.
- (♪ Bialystock and Bloom singing)
1239
01:18:46,055 --> 01:18:48,718
Soon I will be with mein Führer.
1240
01:18:48,849 --> 01:18:51,432
And Göring! And Goebbels!
1241
01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:52,892
And Himmler!
1242
01:18:53,020 --> 01:18:55,387
I'm coming, boys!
1243
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:57,388
(Gun clicks)
1244
01:18:57,524 --> 01:18:59,231
Ugh!
1245
01:18:59,360 --> 01:19:01,898
Boy, when things go wrong...
1246
01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:11,658
Wasted a whole day
playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut!
1247
01:19:11,789 --> 01:19:13,325
Ow!
1248
01:19:14,875 --> 01:19:18,243
- There, there.
- Where? Where?
1249
01:19:19,421 --> 01:19:22,084
You crazy lunatic,
what are you shooting at us for?
1250
01:19:22,216 --> 01:19:24,096
Why don't you use this
where it'll do some good?
1251
01:19:24,134 --> 01:19:25,494
Why don't you shoot at the actors?
1252
01:19:29,473 --> 01:19:31,180
Franz...
1253
01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:33,641
Have I ever steered you wrong?
1254
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,101
Always.
1255
01:19:35,229 --> 01:19:37,562
Never mind. Listen.
1256
01:19:37,690 --> 01:19:41,559
Every night, people are laughing
at your beloved Führer. Why?
1257
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:44,732
It is... It is that LSD.
1258
01:19:44,863 --> 01:19:46,980
Und his Verdammte "babies"!
1259
01:19:49,285 --> 01:19:50,651
Here. Here!
1260
01:19:51,453 --> 01:19:53,160
Buy bullets.
1261
01:19:53,289 --> 01:19:56,373
Go. Kill.
Kill the actors.
1262
01:19:56,959 --> 01:19:58,951
- What?
- (Bialystock) Shut up!
1263
01:19:59,086 --> 01:20:02,750
The actors.
I must destroy the actors.
1264
01:20:03,882 --> 01:20:06,920
Stop! This is insanity!
Have you lost your mind?
1265
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:09,612
How can you kill the actors?
What do you mean, "kill the actors"?
1266
01:20:09,638 --> 01:20:11,630
Actors are not animals.
They're human beings.
1267
01:20:11,765 --> 01:20:13,927
They are?
Have you ever eaten with one?
1268
01:20:14,059 --> 01:20:16,676
Go! Go, kill! Forward!
1269
01:20:16,812 --> 01:20:20,055
- No!
- Make up your minds!
1270
01:20:20,190 --> 01:20:23,274
What are you doing? We're trapped!
It's either the show or us!
1271
01:20:23,402 --> 01:20:27,112
There's no way out!
What can we do, blow up the theatre?
1272
01:20:43,172 --> 01:20:44,913
- Dynamite.
- Dynamite.
1273
01:20:45,049 --> 01:20:46,335
Dynamite.
1274
01:20:51,013 --> 01:20:52,220
- Fuse.
- Fuse.
1275
01:20:52,348 --> 01:20:53,384
Fuse.
1276
01:21:00,981 --> 01:21:02,188
Right.
1277
01:21:02,316 --> 01:21:04,603
And now for the master connection.
1278
01:21:46,568 --> 01:21:49,561
- (Shouting)
- Don't shoot! It's the dynamite.
1279
01:21:49,696 --> 01:21:53,781
If you shoot it,
it will get mad at us and blow us all up.
1280
01:21:53,909 --> 01:21:55,901
That is good thinking.
1281
01:21:56,036 --> 01:21:57,823
I will put this dynamite back.
1282
01:21:57,955 --> 01:21:59,071
Good.
1283
01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:03,742
Next time I produce a play, no author.
1284
01:22:08,715 --> 01:22:10,957
- Max?
- What is it?
1285
01:22:11,093 --> 01:22:13,005
- Max?
- What?
1286
01:22:13,137 --> 01:22:15,800
Remember yesterday
in the office when we were fighting?
1287
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:17,092
So?
1288
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:20,850
I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat".
1289
01:22:28,610 --> 01:22:30,442
Gentlemen.
1290
01:22:30,571 --> 01:22:34,190
We have here a technical problem.
1291
01:22:34,324 --> 01:22:40,821
I do not know whether this little devil
here is the quick fuse or the slow fuse.
1292
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:43,289
I must find this out.
1293
01:22:54,928 --> 01:22:56,510
This is critical.
1294
01:23:07,357 --> 01:23:09,599
A h, ja, ja. You see this?
1295
01:23:09,735 --> 01:23:12,603
You see this?
Hear what I have told you?
1296
01:23:12,738 --> 01:23:15,776
Ja. This is an example
of smartness here.
1297
01:23:15,908 --> 01:23:20,653
I have said that this is the quick fuse,
and this is the quick fuse.
1298
01:23:21,580 --> 01:23:24,118
- The quick fuse!
- (Shouting)
1299
01:23:28,712 --> 01:23:31,045
(Old ladies sniffling)
1300
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:41,757
(Franz) ♪ O beautiful for spacious... ♪
1301
01:23:41,892 --> 01:23:43,724
(Judge) Has the jury reached a verdict?
1302
01:23:45,145 --> 01:23:46,181
We have, Your Honour.
1303
01:23:46,313 --> 01:23:47,770
How does the jury find?
1304
01:23:48,524 --> 01:23:51,437
We find the defendants incredibly guilty.
1305
01:23:51,568 --> 01:23:54,606
Do the defendants
have anything to say in their behalf
1306
01:23:54,738 --> 01:23:57,025
before the court pronounces sentence?
1307
01:23:58,617 --> 01:24:01,075
I would like to say something,
Your Honour.
1308
01:24:01,203 --> 01:24:04,913
Not on my behalf, but in reference
to my partner, Mr Bialystock.
1309
01:24:05,749 --> 01:24:06,910
Proceed.
1310
01:24:07,042 --> 01:24:08,658
Your Honour,
1311
01:24:09,628 --> 01:24:11,745
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
1312
01:24:13,006 --> 01:24:16,750
Max Bialystock is the most...
1313
01:24:18,428 --> 01:24:22,263
selfish man I ever met in my life.
1314
01:24:22,391 --> 01:24:23,927
Don't help me.
1315
01:24:24,059 --> 01:24:26,096
Not only is he a liar...
1316
01:24:27,104 --> 01:24:28,595
and a cheat...
1317
01:24:29,815 --> 01:24:32,728
and a scoundrel and a crook...
1318
01:24:33,694 --> 01:24:37,187
who has taken money
from little old ladies,
1319
01:24:37,322 --> 01:24:42,317
but he's also talked people
into doing things, especially me,
1320
01:24:43,453 --> 01:24:47,743
that they would never in a thousand years
have dreamed of doing.
1321
01:24:49,167 --> 01:24:51,580
But, Your Honour,
1322
01:24:51,712 --> 01:24:53,704
as I understand it,
1323
01:24:54,756 --> 01:25:01,720
the law was created
to protect people from being wronged.
1324
01:25:03,890 --> 01:25:06,132
Your Honour,
1325
01:25:06,268 --> 01:25:10,603
whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
1326
01:25:10,731 --> 01:25:12,472
I mean,
1327
01:25:12,608 --> 01:25:14,600
whom has he really hurt?
1328
01:25:14,735 --> 01:25:16,351
Not me.
1329
01:25:17,404 --> 01:25:18,940
Not me.
1330
01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:20,688
I was...
1331
01:25:22,618 --> 01:25:24,234
This man...
1332
01:25:26,955 --> 01:25:29,789
No one ever called me Leo before.
1333
01:25:29,916 --> 01:25:32,283
I mean,
I know it's not a big legal point,
1334
01:25:32,419 --> 01:25:36,459
but even in kindergarten,
they used to call me Bloom.
1335
01:25:37,341 --> 01:25:40,084
I never sang a song before.
I mean with someone else.
1336
01:25:40,218 --> 01:25:42,585
I never sang a song
with someone else before.
1337
01:25:43,513 --> 01:25:45,049
This man...
1338
01:25:46,350 --> 01:25:47,761
This man...
1339
01:25:48,894 --> 01:25:50,931
This is a wonderful man.
1340
01:25:52,481 --> 01:25:54,689
He made me what I am today.
1341
01:25:55,651 --> 01:25:56,983
He did.
1342
01:25:59,613 --> 01:26:01,570
And what of the dear ladies?
1343
01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:06,283
What would their lives have been
without Max Bialystock?
1344
01:26:07,871 --> 01:26:09,407
Max Bialystock...
1345
01:26:10,624 --> 01:26:13,207
who made them feel young...
1346
01:26:14,378 --> 01:26:16,335
and attractive...
1347
01:26:17,089 --> 01:26:18,921
and wanted again.
1348
01:26:22,969 --> 01:26:25,177
That's all that I have to say.
1349
01:26:28,433 --> 01:26:29,640
(Judge bangs gavel)
1350
01:26:30,435 --> 01:26:32,518
Order. Order.
1351
01:26:35,774 --> 01:26:39,859
And may I humbly add, Your Honour,
that we've learned our lesson,
1352
01:26:39,986 --> 01:26:42,069
and that we'll never do it again.
1353
01:26:46,243 --> 01:26:48,109
(Franz) Eins, zwei, drei, Vier.
1354
01:26:50,706 --> 01:26:52,618
♪ Prisoners of love
1355
01:26:52,749 --> 01:26:54,866
♪ Blue skies above
1356
01:26:55,001 --> 01:26:58,335
♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
1357
01:26:59,089 --> 01:27:01,001
♪ Prisoners of love
1358
01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:02,920
♪ Our turtle doves
1359
01:27:03,051 --> 01:27:06,795
- ♪ Soon coming round with bail
- No! No! No!
1360
01:27:06,930 --> 01:27:09,547
Now, come on, guys,
let's put a little life in it.
1361
01:27:10,308 --> 01:27:12,425
(♪ Piano strikes up)
1362
01:27:12,561 --> 01:27:14,723
♪ Prisoners of love
1363
01:27:14,855 --> 01:27:16,972
♪ Blue skies above
1364
01:27:17,107 --> 01:27:21,317
- ♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
- Yes, sir!
1365
01:27:21,445 --> 01:27:24,529
♪ Prisoners of love,
our turtle doves... ♪
1366
01:27:24,656 --> 01:27:28,195
You now own 20 per cent of
"Prisoners of Love". Congratulations.
1367
01:27:28,326 --> 01:27:29,658
Yes, sir?
1368
01:27:29,786 --> 01:27:33,780
♪ Oh, you can lock us up
And lose the key... ♪
1369
01:27:35,542 --> 01:27:38,785
You now own 30 per cent of
"Prisoners of Love". Congratulations.
1370
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,536
Yes, sir?
1371
01:27:40,672 --> 01:27:45,918
Erm, the warden would like to make
a little investment in your production.
1372
01:27:46,970 --> 01:27:48,381
Er...
1373
01:27:51,641 --> 01:27:53,382
Tell him he owns 50 per cent of the show.
1374
01:27:53,518 --> 01:27:54,804
- Thanks!
- My pleasure.
1375
01:27:55,437 --> 01:27:57,144
From the top, Franz. Once more.
1376
01:27:57,272 --> 01:27:59,059
(Franz) Eins, zwei, drei, und...
1377
01:27:59,191 --> 01:28:00,523
(♪ Piano strikes up)
1378
01:28:00,650 --> 01:28:02,687
♪ Prisoners of love
1379
01:28:02,819 --> 01:28:04,902
♪ Blue skies above
1380
01:28:05,030 --> 01:28:09,149
- ♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
- Sing it out, men!
1381
01:28:09,284 --> 01:28:13,028
- ♪ Prisoners of love... ♪
- Higher, you animals, higher!
1382
01:28:13,163 --> 01:28:16,122
We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
1383
01:28:17,250 --> 01:28:21,745
♪ You can lock us up and lose the key
1384
01:28:21,880 --> 01:28:26,250
♪ But hearts in love are always free
1385
01:28:26,384 --> 01:28:28,467
♪ Prisoners of love
1386
01:28:28,595 --> 01:28:30,336
♪ Blue skies above
1387
01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:34,056
♪ 'Cause we're still prisoners of love
1388
01:28:34,184 --> 01:28:38,519
♪ Oh, you can lock us up and lose the key
1389
01:28:38,647 --> 01:28:42,311
♪ But hearts in love will always be
1390
01:28:45,612 --> 01:28:48,605
♪ Prisoners of love
1391
01:28:51,284 --> 01:28:53,617
♪ Blue skies above
1392
01:28:53,745 --> 01:28:55,862
♪ 'Cause we're still prisoners
1393
01:28:55,997 --> 01:28:57,613
♪ We're still prisoners
1394
01:28:57,749 --> 01:29:03,962
♪ We're still prisoners of love ♪
1395
01:29:04,305 --> 01:29:10,370
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