Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,482 --> 00:00:10,781
[Bell ringing]
2
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:18,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
3
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:25,093
He's gonna make it right to the top
4
00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:29,068
That crazy movin' groovin' kid
who just won't stop
5
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:33,369
He's gonna rearrange
the good ol' status quo
6
00:00:33,441 --> 00:00:35,204
And get it all together
7
00:00:35,276 --> 00:00:38,507
With the things he's got to know
8
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:43,014
He's gonna make it
He's gonna make it
9
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,815
He's gonna take this
cockeyed world and shake it
10
00:00:46,888 --> 00:00:51,188
He's gonna show them
he's a winner in the end
11
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:53,022
With a little bit of luck
12
00:00:54,128 --> 00:00:57,325
And a little bitty barefoot friend
13
00:01:02,203 --> 00:01:06,037
When they start rappin'
that he's too young
14
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:10,134
He makes his mind up
that he'll wind up number one
15
00:01:10,211 --> 00:01:14,238
And the whole wide world
will know that he's around
16
00:01:14,315 --> 00:01:19,776
Though other cats get uptight
and try to put him down
17
00:01:19,854 --> 00:01:23,756
He's gonna make it
He's gonna make it
18
00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:27,693
He's gonna take this
cockeyed world and shake it
19
00:01:27,762 --> 00:01:31,926
He's gonna show them
he's a winner in the end
20
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,900
With a little bit of luck
21
00:01:34,802 --> 00:01:37,999
And a little bitty barefoot friend
22
00:01:41,175 --> 00:01:43,803
[horns honking]
23
00:01:45,947 --> 00:01:48,006
[Tires screeching]
24
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:31,049
[Horn honking,
tires screeching]
25
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:37,092
When they start rappin'
that he's too young
26
00:02:37,165 --> 00:02:41,465
He makes his mind up
that he'll wind up number one
27
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:45,438
And the whole wide world
will know that he's around
28
00:02:45,506 --> 00:02:50,034
Though other cats get uptight
and try to put him down
29
00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:54,776
He's gonna make it
He's gonna make it
30
00:02:54,849 --> 00:02:58,808
He's gonna take this
cockeyed world and shake it
31
00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:02,720
He's gonna show them
he's a winner in the end
32
00:03:02,790 --> 00:03:04,758
With a little bit of luck
33
00:03:05,893 --> 00:03:09,056
And a little bitty barefoot friend
34
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:19,233
- He's gonna make it
- Little bitty barefoot friend
35
00:03:19,307 --> 00:03:22,834
- He's gonna make it
- Little bitty barefoot friend
36
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:26,778
- He's gonna make it
- Little bitty barefoot friend
37
00:03:26,848 --> 00:03:31,615
- He's gonna make it
- Little bitty barefoot friend
38
00:03:31,686 --> 00:03:34,314
Little bitty barefoot friend
39
00:04:01,516 --> 00:04:03,381
[horn honking]
40
00:04:04,552 --> 00:04:06,213
[Steven] Hi, Mark.
41
00:04:08,956 --> 00:04:10,753
Come on, Jen.
It's almost over.
42
00:04:10,825 --> 00:04:14,158
I'll be there in a minute.
I told Steve I'd wait for him.
43
00:04:14,228 --> 00:04:17,356
[Sighs] I suppose he's at that
crummy night school again.
44
00:04:17,432 --> 00:04:19,866
Roger, everyone can't be
a Stanford man.
45
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:21,663
Unfortunately.
46
00:04:21,736 --> 00:04:25,069
But he drives everyone nuts.
Especially Uncle.
47
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:27,232
Well, he won't bother him tonight.
48
00:04:27,742 --> 00:04:29,403
[Roger] Anyone who graduates
49
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,378
from the Moonrise Night School
on Melrose Avenue
50
00:04:32,447 --> 00:04:35,007
is certainly not gonna
make it at the network.
51
00:04:35,082 --> 00:04:37,482
- Hi, Rog.
- Steve, it's about time.
52
00:04:37,552 --> 00:04:41,147
Yeah. We had this guest lecturer.
This guy had a great idea about a story
53
00:04:41,222 --> 00:04:43,782
on Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog.
It was a great idea.
54
00:04:43,858 --> 00:04:46,190
- Don't mention it tonight.
- Yeah, okay.
55
00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:48,751
- Hey, how's the show going?
- Not very well.
56
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,321
- I haven't heard any laughs.
- I'm not surprised.
57
00:04:51,399 --> 00:04:54,129
I saw it, it's a bomb.
If Wilbanks'd just listen to me.
58
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:56,261
You promised
you wouldn't say anything.
59
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:57,998
- Who's saying anything?
- Shh.
60
00:04:58,072 --> 00:05:00,597
[Applause]
61
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:05,578
Thank you. Thank you.
How'd you like...? What did you...?
62
00:05:05,646 --> 00:05:09,412
Did you...?
Harry, what did you think?
63
00:05:09,484 --> 00:05:12,544
Regardless of my personal
feelings, Mr. Wilbanks,
64
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:14,952
I think this show will have
a very good rating.
65
00:05:15,623 --> 00:05:19,081
What do you mean, "regardless
of your personal feelings"?
66
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:23,221
Well, I... I just don't happen
to like TV very much, that's all.
67
00:05:24,432 --> 00:05:27,230
He doesn't like TV.
He's the morning program director.
68
00:05:27,301 --> 00:05:29,735
- Steve, please be quiet.
- [Woman] Charming.
69
00:05:29,804 --> 00:05:32,272
- I mean, simply charming.
- Ahhh.
70
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,807
- [Man] Loved it.
- Thank you.
71
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:37,038
- Some of them liked it.
- [Man] Jen, telephone.
72
00:05:37,111 --> 00:05:38,772
Of course they seemed to like it.
73
00:05:38,846 --> 00:05:41,246
He's vice president
in charge of programming.
74
00:05:41,315 --> 00:05:44,409
Can you imagine what he'd do
if someone didn't seem to like it?
75
00:05:44,485 --> 00:05:47,943
Yes, operator. Mr. Wilbanks,
international calling.
76
00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:50,820
- It's Farnsworth.
- Farnsworth. That vulture.
77
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,952
- Now, really, he isn't that bad.
- Yes, he is. I know that man.
78
00:05:54,028 --> 00:05:57,691
Every time he thinks I'm in trouble,
he calls me up and congratulates me.
79
00:05:57,765 --> 00:06:01,531
I tell you, he does it every time.
Hello, Farnsworth.
80
00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:05,197
What a show, Francis.
What a show.
81
00:06:05,273 --> 00:06:10,176
- Thank you, Farnsworth.
- It was so, so... different.
82
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:13,873
- Different?
- Yes, absolutely.
83
00:06:13,948 --> 00:06:16,416
Incidentally, Clifford dropped by.
84
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:20,580
He sends regards from his
entire staff at Continental.
85
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:24,557
- Hiya, Francis.
- Hello, Clifford.
86
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:26,820
Well, I'm glad you liked it, Farnsworth,
87
00:06:26,894 --> 00:06:29,089
because, you see,
what I was trying to do...
88
00:06:29,163 --> 00:06:31,358
[phone] We'll have lunch
and talk about it.
89
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:34,424
Well, good night, Francis,
you old scoundrel.
90
00:06:34,502 --> 00:06:37,494
You've done it again.
91
00:06:40,841 --> 00:06:44,208
Well, I know I'm in trouble.
They both congratulated me.
92
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:47,645
Oh, well, don't worry. It's what
our big brass thinks that counts.
93
00:06:47,715 --> 00:06:48,943
But what do they think?
94
00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:51,450
There hasn't been a word
from New York. Roger!
95
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,487
- Yes, sir?
- Don't sneak up on me.
96
00:06:53,554 --> 00:06:55,044
Get me New York.
97
00:06:55,389 --> 00:06:57,949
They're lolling around there
in the lap of luxury.
98
00:06:58,025 --> 00:07:00,459
We put on a new show.
The president of the network
99
00:07:00,528 --> 00:07:02,792
doesn't call and tell me
what he thinks of it.
100
00:07:02,863 --> 00:07:05,855
- Hi-line, Crampton, New York.
- Good boy. He gets right...
101
00:07:05,933 --> 00:07:08,800
- What did you think of it?
- Oh, well, the...
102
00:07:08,869 --> 00:07:10,894
- The audience liked it.
- Yes, they did.
103
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,371
But I'm still worried.
104
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,534
Uncle Francis, I think you
always over-worry our first show.
105
00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:16,838
Is that what you think?
106
00:07:16,911 --> 00:07:19,106
Well, let's hope
that's the case this time.
107
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:21,808
- Yes, sir, here he is.
- [Mutters, clears throat]
108
00:07:21,882 --> 00:07:24,442
Hello, chief!
How'd you like the show?
109
00:07:24,518 --> 00:07:27,453
Just fine, Wilbanks. Fine!
110
00:07:27,521 --> 00:07:29,250
Is there somebody there with you?
111
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:32,019
Our sponsors are here.
They watched the show with me.
112
00:07:32,093 --> 00:07:36,189
Oh, the sponsors are there. Well,
what did they think of the show?
113
00:07:36,263 --> 00:07:39,164
They thought it was fine too,
just fine.
114
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:42,634
- How'd the showing go out there?
- Fine, just fine.
115
00:07:42,703 --> 00:07:45,695
Several people laughed so hard
they fell off their chairs.
116
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:48,970
[Laughs] In fact, some of them
are still applauding.
117
00:07:53,648 --> 00:07:55,912
Well, the ratings
will be out in the morning.
118
00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:59,714
- They'll tell us the story, Francis.
- Yes, they certainly will.
119
00:08:00,254 --> 00:08:03,849
- Good night, Francis.
- Good night, chief.
120
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,990
- [Applause]
- Cut!
121
00:08:07,061 --> 00:08:09,120
[Wilbanks] Not now,
for heaven's sakes.
122
00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:12,461
Ratings. That's all
they think about are ratings.
123
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:16,367
[Sighs] We get great audience response.
You heard them clapping yourself.
124
00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:18,462
And they're worried about the ratings.
125
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:21,007
It's enough to give a man
nervous prostration.
126
00:08:21,075 --> 00:08:23,805
You look a little pale.
Maybe I should get your pills.
127
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,846
Yes, I feel a little pale.
Get my pills.
128
00:08:25,913 --> 00:08:28,711
Love that casting, Francis.
Love that casting!
129
00:08:28,783 --> 00:08:32,150
Yeah, wasn't it good? The fellow
with the hat? Didn't you like him?
130
00:08:32,219 --> 00:08:35,017
Oh, Jen, uh, what'd you
think of the show?
131
00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:37,557
Well, I thought it had
certain possibilities.
132
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:39,149
Did you? I'm glad to hear...
133
00:08:39,226 --> 00:08:44,357
- I thought next time, you could...
- Post! Not tonight!
134
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:48,668
Oh, he never listens.
He'll never listen!
135
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,328
Steve, did you slip him a note?
136
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,532
Jen, all he needs
is one good program idea.
137
00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:55,268
Steve!
138
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,880
[Horn honks]
139
00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:04,978
[Horn continues honking]
140
00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:15,251
Mertons, will you stop blowing
that infernal horn?
141
00:09:15,329 --> 00:09:17,889
- Wanted you to know I was here.
- I know you're here.
142
00:09:17,965 --> 00:09:21,765
The neighborhood knows. You'd
think you were picking up your date.
143
00:09:21,836 --> 00:09:24,828
And will you stop with the dusting?
I'm in a hurry today!
144
00:09:24,905 --> 00:09:26,304
Yes, boss.
145
00:09:31,579 --> 00:09:35,481
Charlie, get off your bicycle,
and put that paper on the porch.
146
00:09:35,549 --> 00:09:39,417
I'm just sick and tired of digging it
out of the bushes every day.
147
00:09:44,425 --> 00:09:46,985
[Wilbanks] Careless,
incompetent kids,
148
00:09:47,061 --> 00:09:49,222
grow up that way,
then come to the networks.
149
00:09:49,296 --> 00:09:51,287
No wonder we're having these problems.
150
00:09:51,365 --> 00:09:53,959
Say, boss, would you ask Wilma
to move her car?
151
00:09:54,034 --> 00:09:56,025
No, Wilma can't move her car!
152
00:09:56,103 --> 00:09:58,162
You've got a reverse gear
in this thing.
153
00:09:58,239 --> 00:10:00,036
Oh, yeah.
154
00:10:01,575 --> 00:10:03,338
[Charlie] Hey, my bike!
155
00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,105
[Metal scraping]
156
00:10:11,552 --> 00:10:15,454
- My bike! My brand-new bike!
- Now look what you've done.
157
00:10:15,523 --> 00:10:17,616
Yeah, careless,
incompetent kids, huh?
158
00:10:17,691 --> 00:10:20,956
Not him. You!
Well, don't worry about the bike...
159
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:22,518
But the papers.
160
00:10:22,596 --> 00:10:24,564
If I don't deliver them,
161
00:10:24,632 --> 00:10:27,430
I won't win that trip to Catalina.
162
00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:31,170
I've been working all year
on that trip to Catalina.
163
00:10:31,238 --> 00:10:34,799
Well, he's been working
all year on the...
164
00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:37,810
Oh, put the darn papers
in the car!
165
00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:42,838
How I ever let myself get saddled with
my wife's relatives, I'll never know.
166
00:10:44,652 --> 00:10:47,018
[Tires screeching]
167
00:10:57,565 --> 00:11:00,159
- Hi, Steve.
- Hi, Jen.
168
00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:03,226
I, uh, got something here
for Wilbanks.
169
00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:07,206
Steve, you're supposed to
deliver the mail, not read it.
170
00:11:07,274 --> 00:11:09,435
- It doesn't hurt anything.
- Keep moving.
171
00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,637
Mr. Wilbanks should be here
any second.
172
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,647
You know how upset he gets
when he sees you hanging around.
173
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,012
- He's not in yet?
- Mm-mm.
174
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:18,574
I can't say I blame him
after that show last night.
175
00:11:18,652 --> 00:11:21,348
Steve, please just forget
about last night's show.
176
00:11:21,422 --> 00:11:25,290
Okay. I've seen disasters in my time,
but that one really takes the cake.
177
00:11:27,127 --> 00:11:28,958
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
178
00:11:29,029 --> 00:11:30,860
- Did you happen to get my note?
- Yes.
179
00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:34,025
Every time I put my hand
in my pocket, I got your note.
180
00:11:34,101 --> 00:11:38,094
Now you listen to me, Steven. I'm not
interested in your theories on ratings.
181
00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:40,970
And I'm certainly not interested
in doing a show called
182
00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:44,704
Abraham Lincoln's Doctor's Dog,
whatever that is.
183
00:11:47,214 --> 00:11:48,772
What is it?
184
00:11:48,849 --> 00:11:51,317
Uh, well, sir, it's very interesting.
185
00:11:51,385 --> 00:11:54,354
You see, we had a guest speaker
from our school last night.
186
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,855
A Mr. E.Z. Potter.
You've probably heard of him.
187
00:11:56,924 --> 00:11:58,949
- E.Z. Potter?
- Yes. He's from up north.
188
00:11:59,026 --> 00:12:00,891
- Up north? Where up north?
- Tulare.
189
00:12:00,961 --> 00:12:03,122
- Tulare?
- Yeah.
190
00:12:03,197 --> 00:12:07,691
He's got a surefire approach
for making a top-rated TV show.
191
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,963
- He does?
- And it's very logical too.
192
00:12:10,037 --> 00:12:12,972
It's been historically proven
that the American people
193
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,271
have always preferred stories
about, number one, Abe Lincoln,
194
00:12:16,343 --> 00:12:19,471
number two, doctors
and number three, dogs.
195
00:12:19,546 --> 00:12:22,515
So the most popular
and highest rated show of all,
196
00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:25,245
would be a show about
Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog.
197
00:12:27,354 --> 00:12:29,083
And that is the kind of a show
198
00:12:29,156 --> 00:12:32,148
your TV friend from Tulare
wants me to make?
199
00:12:32,226 --> 00:12:34,820
Well, actually, he's not
in TV, sir. He's in radio.
200
00:12:34,895 --> 00:12:36,260
- [Wilbanks] Radio?
- Yes.
201
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:39,424
- They don't have a TV station up there.
- They don't?
202
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,401
[Mertons] Abraham Lincoln's
doctor's dog?
203
00:12:42,469 --> 00:12:43,959
- Yeah.
- Title's kinda long,
204
00:12:44,038 --> 00:12:45,562
but it sounds like a good idea.
205
00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:48,631
- Wait in the car.
- Oh.
206
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,303
Now you listen to me, Post.
You get this straight.
207
00:12:54,381 --> 00:12:56,406
Your job here
is to deliver the mail.
208
00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:59,145
And that is all you are to do
is to deliver the mail.
209
00:12:59,219 --> 00:13:01,414
I am not interested
in your quacky theories
210
00:13:01,488 --> 00:13:05,322
that come from your quacky teachers
that teach in your quacky night school.
211
00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:08,725
Yes, sir. But actually, in this
case, it wasn't a teacher.
212
00:13:08,796 --> 00:13:13,062
I know what he was!
He was a radio man from Tulare!
213
00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:15,869
[Wilbanks] Anything important, Jen?
214
00:13:15,936 --> 00:13:19,133
Oh, yes, sir. Mr. Crampton
called from New York.
215
00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:21,436
He did?
Well, why didn't you tell me that?
216
00:13:21,508 --> 00:13:24,875
When the president of the network calls,
don't let me stand around
217
00:13:24,945 --> 00:13:27,641
talking about
Abraham Lincoln's dog's doctor.
218
00:13:27,715 --> 00:13:31,082
Uh, Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog, sir.
There's a difference.
219
00:13:31,151 --> 00:13:34,177
I don't care what it is.
How long ago did he call?
220
00:13:34,254 --> 00:13:36,017
- [Jen] About an hour ago.
- An hour?
221
00:13:36,090 --> 00:13:37,751
You should've called me at home.
222
00:13:37,825 --> 00:13:39,588
Well, I did,
but you weren't there.
223
00:13:39,660 --> 00:13:42,094
Your wife said you were
out on some deliveries.
224
00:13:42,162 --> 00:13:45,097
Oh, yeah... deliveries, yeah.
Well, get him on the phone.
225
00:13:45,165 --> 00:13:47,497
He said it wouldn't be
necessary to call back.
226
00:13:47,568 --> 00:13:49,832
Just pick him up
at the airport next Tuesday.
227
00:13:49,903 --> 00:13:53,930
He didn't want to talk to me?
[Stammering] Did he see the ratings?
228
00:13:54,008 --> 00:13:56,272
I imagine he had,
because he asked if you had.
229
00:13:56,343 --> 00:14:00,074
- He did? Where are they?
- No, they're in the other pile.
230
00:14:00,147 --> 00:14:02,615
Why didn't you say so?
I'm under pressure.
231
00:14:06,754 --> 00:14:09,814
- Well, he's sure in a bad mood.
- Steve!
232
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:13,587
Why did you bring up Abe Lincoln's
doctor's dog on a day like this?
233
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:16,060
- [Wilbanks] Oh, no!
- I was just trying to help.
234
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,597
Nothing wrong with that.
235
00:14:17,664 --> 00:14:20,428
Oh, these are terrible!
These are catastrophic!
236
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,662
- Just relax. You'll be fine.
- Oh, sure.
237
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:25,830
You just got excited. You took
too much oxygen in your system.
238
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,635
I had an aunt
who had that problem.
239
00:14:27,708 --> 00:14:30,142
Used to help to blow into
a paper bag. Ever tried?
240
00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:31,734
I never tried that. Helped?
241
00:14:31,812 --> 00:14:33,473
- She just blew right in...
- Yes.
242
00:14:33,547 --> 00:14:35,811
- Don't you have anything to do?
- Yes, sir.
243
00:14:35,883 --> 00:14:39,011
- Well, do it!
- I'll see you tonight, Jen.
244
00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:43,555
Jen, you know I never interfere in the
personal lives of my employees, but...
245
00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:47,993
[gulps]... how can you stand
that boy? Blow into a paper bag.
246
00:14:48,062 --> 00:14:51,793
I don't know. I guess
I'm just kind of hooked, sir.
247
00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:55,027
[Sobbing, speaking Italian]
248
00:14:55,069 --> 00:14:58,163
There, there, Mama.
Everything is gonna be all right.
249
00:14:58,238 --> 00:15:00,468
You'll get over it, Mama.
Don't worry.
250
00:15:00,541 --> 00:15:01,530
What's the matter?
251
00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:04,338
We've got to go to San Francisco.
252
00:15:04,411 --> 00:15:06,345
[Sobbing continues]
253
00:15:13,153 --> 00:15:16,020
Hi. Hey, what's the matter
with the Bernaduccis?
254
00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:18,524
[Crying] They have to
go to San Francisco.
255
00:15:18,592 --> 00:15:21,857
That's what they said. So what's
the matter with San Francisco?
256
00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,988
Hey, what's everybody
sniffling about?
257
00:15:24,064 --> 00:15:26,999
Mr. Bernaducci's been transferred.
258
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:29,934
With all that fog and dampness,
they can't take Raffles.
259
00:15:30,003 --> 00:15:33,063
- He gets colds too easily.
- Oh.
260
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,973
And after having him
all these years.
261
00:15:36,043 --> 00:15:38,841
Don't take it so hard.
What'd they do, stick him in a zoo?
262
00:15:38,912 --> 00:15:42,575
- No.
- Did they put him away or something?
263
00:15:42,649 --> 00:15:44,879
No, not that!
264
00:15:46,954 --> 00:15:49,422
Jen, you didn't take him?
265
00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:57,057
[Steve] Oh, no!
266
00:15:57,131 --> 00:15:59,190
Well, I couldn't let them
put him in a zoo.
267
00:15:59,266 --> 00:16:01,860
I'd have found that
real easy to do.
268
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,305
[Steve sighs]
269
00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:16,440
- Do you think he'll be happy here?
- I don't know why you're bothering.
270
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,712
He'll be nothing but trouble.
271
00:16:18,785 --> 00:16:20,309
Steve!
272
00:16:23,257 --> 00:16:24,724
Will you listen to me?
273
00:16:24,791 --> 00:16:27,885
[Jen] He only had three people
in this world up until tonight.
274
00:16:27,961 --> 00:16:29,952
- Mr. And Mrs. Bernaducci and me.
- Aw.
275
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:32,692
Now he only has me
and I'm not going to let him down.
276
00:16:32,766 --> 00:16:34,791
You're treating him
like a human being.
277
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:38,531
He's just a hard-to-get-along-with,
miserable, spoiled chimp!
278
00:16:38,605 --> 00:16:41,472
Seems to me you're the one
acting hard to get along with.
279
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,409
Oh, I'm sorry. Look, can we
just stick him in the bedroom?
280
00:16:44,478 --> 00:16:46,446
I'm not going
to do any such thing.
281
00:16:46,513 --> 00:16:50,210
He has been through enough today
without locking him in some bedroom.
282
00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:53,879
Now you just go in and watch TV
with him while I finish dinner.
283
00:16:55,455 --> 00:16:57,480
[Sighs]
284
00:16:59,993 --> 00:17:02,018
[Cawing]
285
00:17:11,438 --> 00:17:13,929
[Angry grunting]
286
00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:20,236
- What are you doing to him?
- I didn't do anything to him.
287
00:17:22,449 --> 00:17:25,646
Oh, he can't see
the TV from there.
288
00:17:42,169 --> 00:17:45,104
"Mother Carey's Chickens."
289
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:50,201
[TV] I guess you know,
you're witnessing one of the wildest
290
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,007
slam-bang football games
played anywhere.
291
00:18:01,555 --> 00:18:04,456
...snapped to Humphrey.
He fakes a handoff...
292
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,764
- [changes channel]
- Leave it alone.
293
00:18:11,832 --> 00:18:15,324
- [Angry screeching]
- What did you do to him now?
294
00:18:15,402 --> 00:18:17,529
Nothing.
I didn't do anything to him.
295
00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:21,697
Oh, Steve.
296
00:18:21,775 --> 00:18:24,437
You changed the station.
You can't do that.
297
00:18:24,511 --> 00:18:26,172
What do you mean,
I can't do that?
298
00:18:26,246 --> 00:18:28,771
[Jen] If he likes a program
and you change it,
299
00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:31,181
he gets all upset.
He does it to me all the time.
300
00:18:31,251 --> 00:18:33,719
[Steve] Well, he's not gonna
do it to me. Jen.
301
00:18:33,787 --> 00:18:36,915
Steve, just try and be
a little patient, okay?
302
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,117
Patient, my foot.
You expect me to sit here
303
00:18:39,192 --> 00:18:42,719
and watch a lousy show
called Mother Carey's Chickens?
304
00:18:42,796 --> 00:18:46,254
Well, it's over anyway, so
it doesn't make any difference.
305
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:50,099
It makes a lot of difference.
That chimp is spoiled rotten.
306
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,899
He's not spoiled. He's lonely.
307
00:18:51,972 --> 00:18:54,167
Now, let him have his
own way tonight, okay?
308
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:57,039
Steve, would you please pour
the wine? Dinner's ready.
309
00:19:01,615 --> 00:19:04,345
Stay tuned to this station
for Star Journey
310
00:19:04,418 --> 00:19:06,818
which follows immediately.
311
00:19:07,754 --> 00:19:11,053
Star Journey's coming on.
They expect that to rate number one.
312
00:19:11,124 --> 00:19:13,115
Oh, good. I want to see that.
313
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:17,755
...episode of The Maxwell Family,
the program for all ages.
314
00:19:17,831 --> 00:19:21,767
Maxwells. If you think we're gonna
watch that soap opera, you're crazy.
315
00:19:22,736 --> 00:19:25,068
[Angry screeching]
316
00:19:25,138 --> 00:19:27,106
- What happened now?
- It's that creep.
317
00:19:27,174 --> 00:19:29,142
He doesn't want
to watch Star Journey.
318
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:32,007
- Steve, he's not a creep.
- Well, he sure acts like one.
319
00:19:32,879 --> 00:19:35,871
He did it again.
Jen, will you do something?
320
00:19:35,949 --> 00:19:38,850
Steve, just let him have
his own way tonight, okay?
321
00:19:38,919 --> 00:19:42,377
You mean we can't watch Star Journey
on account of that crummy chimp?
322
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:45,118
Just tonight. Please?
323
00:19:45,659 --> 00:19:47,854
All right.
324
00:19:48,795 --> 00:19:50,387
With all the pets in the world,
325
00:19:50,464 --> 00:19:54,457
you gotta end up with a chimp
that likes bad TV!
326
00:19:57,771 --> 00:20:01,207
[Phone ringing,
typewriter clacking]
327
00:20:01,274 --> 00:20:05,506
[Wilbanks] Mother Carey's Chickens
and The Maxwell Family?
328
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,206
Well, who would ever figure
329
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,805
that those two shows
would end up on top?
330
00:20:09,883 --> 00:20:12,374
Nobody in this town, that's for sure.
331
00:20:12,452 --> 00:20:14,613
[Sighs]
332
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:21,287
- Oh, hi, Rog.
- Keep moving.
333
00:20:27,734 --> 00:20:30,498
Mother Carey's Chickens
and The Maxwell Family?
334
00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:34,006
- [Phone ringing]
- Huh. Hmm.
335
00:20:35,575 --> 00:20:37,873
[Gunshots, horses galloping]
336
00:20:43,717 --> 00:20:47,153
- Look, aren't these cute?
- Yeah, they're real cute.
337
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:50,951
- Steve, show some interest.
- I said, they're real cute.
338
00:20:52,092 --> 00:20:54,424
I think I'll get them all.
339
00:20:55,429 --> 00:20:57,488
[Cow moos]
340
00:20:57,564 --> 00:20:59,327
Why don't you guys beat it, huh?
341
00:20:59,399 --> 00:21:01,890
We like the chimp, mister.
342
00:21:08,008 --> 00:21:10,806
[Choir singing]
343
00:21:18,718 --> 00:21:20,811
[Bugle plays Reveille]
344
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,393
[Jen] Now don't do that.
Come on.
345
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:37,927
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
for watching The Fastest Gun.
346
00:21:38,004 --> 00:21:40,768
It is your loyal viewing
that has made our program
347
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:43,935
one of America's
top-rated shows.
348
00:21:44,010 --> 00:21:45,841
[Gunshots continue]
349
00:21:52,819 --> 00:21:55,583
[Jazz music on TV]
350
00:21:55,655 --> 00:21:57,213
What are you doing here?
351
00:21:57,290 --> 00:22:00,054
I thought I'd spend a
little time with your roommate.
352
00:22:00,126 --> 00:22:02,594
- Well, how'd you get in?
- The landlady.
353
00:22:02,662 --> 00:22:05,631
- She's real nice.
- She sure is.
354
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:08,858
[Raffles hooting]
355
00:22:11,004 --> 00:22:13,302
- Can you beat that?
- [Jen] Beat what?
356
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:14,806
[Stammering] Oh, nothing.
357
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:16,137
- Hey, Jen?
- [Jen] What?
358
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,645
I know we're gonna go out for supper
tonight, but let's just skip it.
359
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,544
Well, how come?
Why should we?
360
00:22:21,615 --> 00:22:24,106
Well, there's some shows
I wanted to see tonight.
361
00:22:24,184 --> 00:22:27,449
We'll call Chicken Lickin',
it'll be just as much fun, honest.
362
00:22:32,692 --> 00:22:34,091
[Waltz plays]
363
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:44,564
[Gunshots]
364
00:23:05,392 --> 00:23:07,587
[Screeching]
365
00:23:09,262 --> 00:23:11,730
[Raffles hooting]
366
00:23:17,837 --> 00:23:19,896
[Angry screeching]
367
00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:27,307
[Dog barking]
368
00:23:33,019 --> 00:23:36,455
[Steve] Why, that little son of a gun.
He picked them all!
369
00:23:36,523 --> 00:23:39,890
7:30 to 12:00.
Holy smoke, he knows!
370
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,359
[Wilbanks] Jen?
371
00:23:41,428 --> 00:23:44,295
- He knows.
- Who knows?
372
00:23:44,364 --> 00:23:46,525
Animals.
Just like in the westerns.
373
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,263
Nobody sees the rattlesnake because
he's hidden behind the sagebrush.
374
00:23:50,337 --> 00:23:53,795
It's the horse who rears
and saves the cowboy's life.
375
00:23:53,873 --> 00:23:56,671
- He knows!
- I hope so.
376
00:23:58,645 --> 00:24:02,547
Oh, you're gonna thank
your lucky stars I came along.
377
00:24:03,350 --> 00:24:06,114
You'll kiss the ground I walk on.
378
00:24:06,186 --> 00:24:08,120
[Phone ringing]
379
00:24:08,188 --> 00:24:09,416
I will?
380
00:24:10,090 --> 00:24:13,651
He knows. He knows!
381
00:24:18,965 --> 00:24:21,365
If it happened once,
it might be an accident.
382
00:24:21,434 --> 00:24:26,337
But he picks the number one show
every single night! He knows!
383
00:24:26,406 --> 00:24:28,636
[Horn honking]
384
00:24:32,779 --> 00:24:35,509
Hey. He knows.
385
00:24:36,650 --> 00:24:38,345
[Tires screeching]
386
00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:42,844
[Siren wails]
387
00:24:51,998 --> 00:24:55,092
- I'm gonna be rich.
- Well, that's just wonderful.
388
00:24:55,168 --> 00:24:58,365
- Now may I see your driver's license?
- Sure.
389
00:24:59,706 --> 00:25:03,198
Thank you. Okay.
390
00:25:14,254 --> 00:25:17,417
You look just like
a friend of mine.
391
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:30,494
- Steve!
- For you!
392
00:25:30,570 --> 00:25:33,095
Oh, Steve, they're beautiful!
393
00:25:33,773 --> 00:25:36,173
But you really shouldn't
have spent the money.
394
00:25:36,242 --> 00:25:39,109
Don't worry. There'll be a lot
more where that came from.
395
00:25:39,179 --> 00:25:42,842
You know, it's a funny thing. Everything
seems to be going wrong for you.
396
00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:45,646
One day you turn a corner
and your whole life changes.
397
00:25:45,719 --> 00:25:48,347
All of a sudden you got the world
in your hip pocket.
398
00:25:48,421 --> 00:25:51,288
- It's amazing, isn't it?
- Yeah.
399
00:25:53,993 --> 00:25:57,588
Raffles?
Hey, uh, where is he, Jen?
400
00:25:57,664 --> 00:26:00,827
- Oh, he's with Roger.
- Roger?
401
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:02,891
Yeah, they left
about ten minutes ago.
402
00:26:02,969 --> 00:26:04,493
Why? What for?
Where'd he go?
403
00:26:04,571 --> 00:26:05,799
They went for a walk.
404
00:26:05,872 --> 00:26:07,601
He went for a walk with that creep?
405
00:26:07,674 --> 00:26:10,074
[Jen] I told you before,
he's not a creep!
406
00:26:10,143 --> 00:26:13,203
- How could you do this to me?
- [Sighs]
407
00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:18,444
[Western music on TV]
408
00:26:31,731 --> 00:26:35,030
- [Steve] Oh, hi, Rog.
- [Roger] Hi. What are you doing here?
409
00:26:35,101 --> 00:26:37,433
You were taking a walk.
I thought I'd join you.
410
00:26:37,504 --> 00:26:40,996
You know, there is something
really weird going on here.
411
00:26:41,074 --> 00:26:42,336
Uh, what?
412
00:26:42,408 --> 00:26:45,707
I... I think that chimp
actually likes TV.
413
00:26:47,847 --> 00:26:49,474
[Steve] You've gotta be kidding.
414
00:26:49,549 --> 00:26:52,211
[Roger] No, he actually
seems to be entertained.
415
00:26:52,285 --> 00:26:55,152
- Look, he really likes it.
- No, no. It's just the lights.
416
00:26:55,221 --> 00:26:58,748
Certain light attracts certain animals.
That's a scientific fact.
417
00:26:58,825 --> 00:27:00,486
[Roger] I never heard that.
418
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,757
[Steve] You didn't know that?
I thought everybody knew that.
419
00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,923
I learned that
at Moonrise Night School.
420
00:27:05,999 --> 00:27:08,490
- On Melrose Avenue?
- [Screeching]
421
00:27:09,736 --> 00:27:11,727
- What's the matter?
- I don't know.
422
00:27:11,805 --> 00:27:14,330
I've never seen him act like this.
What did you do?
423
00:27:14,407 --> 00:27:18,002
I didn't do anything to him.
Look, he's gone mad!
424
00:27:18,077 --> 00:27:20,671
Well, you must've stepped
on his paw or something.
425
00:27:20,747 --> 00:27:23,409
[Roger] How could I step
on his paw from over here?
426
00:27:24,617 --> 00:27:27,711
- [Screeching]
- Good heav...
427
00:27:28,521 --> 00:27:31,422
Uh, excuse me. Here, let me
help you. I'm terribly sorry.
428
00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:37,219
[Man] Good. We got it.
429
00:27:37,297 --> 00:27:39,390
Come on, fellow.
We're all through here.
430
00:27:39,465 --> 00:27:42,059
Vicious little...
Keep that ape away from me.
431
00:27:42,135 --> 00:27:43,932
- Come on. Over here.
- On the table.
432
00:27:44,003 --> 00:27:47,063
Thank heaven you're here.
You can't believe what happened.
433
00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:50,541
- We're not finished yet.
- Rog, don't worry about a thing.
434
00:27:50,610 --> 00:27:53,044
We've got the bail.
We'll have you out in no time.
435
00:27:53,112 --> 00:27:56,980
How could you let me be associated
with a beast like that? He's a monster.
436
00:27:57,050 --> 00:28:00,645
He's not a monster. Something
just got into him, that's all.
437
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,711
[Man yelling]
438
00:28:11,064 --> 00:28:12,361
[Crowd cheering]
439
00:28:12,432 --> 00:28:14,400
[Blowing raspberry]
440
00:28:15,401 --> 00:28:18,165
Maybe he just doesn't
like basketball.
441
00:28:18,238 --> 00:28:21,264
[Policeman] Oh, he doesn't?
I happen to like it very...
442
00:28:23,176 --> 00:28:25,269
That thing's not a monster?
443
00:28:25,345 --> 00:28:27,609
That's gonna cost you 75 bucks.
444
00:28:28,448 --> 00:28:31,611
- For what? That?
- [Cop] Come on, fella.
445
00:28:31,684 --> 00:28:34,585
It's gonna cost at least 75 bucks
to get that thing fixed.
446
00:28:34,654 --> 00:28:37,054
[Steve] Okay. Who do I pay
to bail the chimp out?
447
00:28:37,123 --> 00:28:41,457
- We take care of it right here.
- Wait a minute. What about me?
448
00:28:41,527 --> 00:28:43,051
Gee, I'm sorry, Rog.
449
00:28:43,129 --> 00:28:45,757
I'm out of money.
I gotta get some more. Don't worry.
450
00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:50,259
You're bailing that chimp out and
letting me stay here in this dump?
451
00:28:50,336 --> 00:28:51,997
Wait just a minute, mac.
452
00:28:52,071 --> 00:28:55,165
This is a pretty nice place.
We happen to like it down here.
453
00:28:55,241 --> 00:28:57,402
Well, you have to. I don't.
454
00:28:57,944 --> 00:29:00,640
Steve, we aren't
gonna leave Roger here?
455
00:29:00,713 --> 00:29:04,080
Gee, we've gotta be realistic
about this thing, Jen. I mean, uh...
456
00:29:04,150 --> 00:29:07,085
It's Roger or the chimp,
and this is no place for a chimp.
457
00:29:07,153 --> 00:29:10,088
Well, it's no place for me, either!
458
00:29:10,156 --> 00:29:12,090
Wave goodbye
to Uncle Roger now.
459
00:29:12,158 --> 00:29:13,955
[Raffles hooting]
460
00:29:15,261 --> 00:29:17,286
Miserable chimp.
461
00:29:18,731 --> 00:29:21,427
- Poor little guy.
- Poor little guy, my foot.
462
00:29:21,501 --> 00:29:23,594
It's back to the Bernaduccis for him.
463
00:29:23,670 --> 00:29:25,695
Oh, no, wait a minute.
You can't do that.
464
00:29:25,772 --> 00:29:27,603
What are you getting excited about?
465
00:29:27,674 --> 00:29:29,335
- I need him!
- You need him?
466
00:29:29,409 --> 00:29:31,400
[Stammering] I mean,
I don't need him.
467
00:29:31,477 --> 00:29:34,503
Why would you wanna give
a poor little guy like this away?
468
00:29:34,580 --> 00:29:35,979
I mean, that's inhumane!
469
00:29:36,049 --> 00:29:38,415
Inhumane?
He's the one that's inhumane.
470
00:29:38,484 --> 00:29:41,578
He's already broken two TV sets
and a plate glass window.
471
00:29:41,654 --> 00:29:44,885
Look, Jen, maybe he's trying
to get something out of his system.
472
00:29:44,958 --> 00:29:47,017
Just give him a few days.
He'll be okay.
473
00:29:47,093 --> 00:29:48,924
[Raffles hooting]
474
00:29:48,995 --> 00:29:50,792
Okay, I'll give him till Saturday.
475
00:29:50,863 --> 00:29:54,264
Good. By Saturday, he'll be
acting like a different chimp.
476
00:29:54,334 --> 00:29:55,858
I guarantee it.
477
00:30:19,759 --> 00:30:21,784
[Crowd cheering]
478
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:31,063
- I just can't understand it.
- Understand what?
479
00:30:31,137 --> 00:30:33,901
Why he'd give me tickets
to take you to the ball game.
480
00:30:33,973 --> 00:30:36,237
That's because you
don't understand Steve.
481
00:30:36,309 --> 00:30:38,402
He has a lot of nice qualities
about him.
482
00:30:39,445 --> 00:30:41,276
[Roger] Like what?
483
00:30:41,347 --> 00:30:43,076
Well, he's charitable.
484
00:30:43,149 --> 00:30:45,447
He gave you tickets
to take me to the game.
485
00:30:45,518 --> 00:30:48,749
Yeah, but I still think
there's some motive behind that.
486
00:30:48,821 --> 00:30:51,915
And he's honest.
Nobody can say he's not honest.
487
00:30:51,991 --> 00:30:54,255
[Jen] And as far
as being trustworthy,
488
00:30:54,327 --> 00:30:57,091
I don't know anyone
I would trust more than Steve.
489
00:30:57,163 --> 00:30:59,154
And he's loyal and brave and...
490
00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:03,032
[Roger] Jen, will you forget it? You're
making him sound like a boy scout.
491
00:31:03,102 --> 00:31:05,570
[Raffles hooting]
492
00:31:16,049 --> 00:31:18,540
Come on, Raffles.
493
00:31:25,691 --> 00:31:28,125
[Grunting]
494
00:31:49,916 --> 00:31:54,182
You have to believe me. I've got a
scientific approach to rating TV shows.
495
00:31:54,253 --> 00:31:57,780
It'll revolutionize this whole industry.
We can put UBC right on top.
496
00:31:57,857 --> 00:31:59,688
Jen, I'm going to be
very busy today.
497
00:31:59,759 --> 00:32:05,197
Will you see to it that I am not
disturbed unless absolutely necessary?
498
00:32:09,635 --> 00:32:12,661
I've got the key to this industry,
and he won't listen to me.
499
00:32:12,738 --> 00:32:15,366
Steve, just leave
Mr. Wilbanks alone today.
500
00:32:15,441 --> 00:32:17,466
Mr. Crampton's coming in
from New York,
501
00:32:17,543 --> 00:32:19,033
and he's nervous as a kitten.
502
00:32:19,112 --> 00:32:21,512
Wait a minute.
Crampton's coming in tomorrow?
503
00:32:21,581 --> 00:32:24,948
That's perfect. Uh, look,
I won't be able to see you tonight.
504
00:32:25,017 --> 00:32:27,485
I've got some homework
I want to do.
505
00:32:28,821 --> 00:32:30,755
[Birds squawking]
506
00:32:41,067 --> 00:32:43,092
The programs of this station...
507
00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:47,765
Okay, 12:30 to 1:00, channel 18.
508
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,775
Okay, that does it.
You can go to bed now.
509
00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:52,435
You've had a hard day's work.
510
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:55,447
And if this doesn't convince them,
I don't know what will.
511
00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:58,109
[America the Beautiful plays]
512
00:32:59,318 --> 00:33:01,252
"Dear Mr. Crampton.
513
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,585
As a loyal member of the United
Broadcasting Corporation,
514
00:33:04,657 --> 00:33:09,822
I must tell you that I seem
to have a strange ability
515
00:33:09,896 --> 00:33:11,796
which enables me
to pick the shows
516
00:33:11,864 --> 00:33:14,662
the American people like best."
517
00:33:19,672 --> 00:33:21,867
[Motorcycle approaching]
518
00:33:21,941 --> 00:33:23,499
[Horn honks]
519
00:33:24,777 --> 00:33:27,405
Hey, Mertons, the old limo's
looking pretty slick.
520
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,415
It better.
I have to pick up the big man.
521
00:33:30,483 --> 00:33:33,179
Yeah, I heard about that.
Hey, listen.
522
00:33:33,252 --> 00:33:35,379
Would you mind
slipping this to Crampton?
523
00:33:35,454 --> 00:33:36,716
Uh, no, I can't do that.
524
00:33:36,789 --> 00:33:40,452
If the boss caught me passing your
notes to the chief... [cutting sound]
525
00:33:40,526 --> 00:33:42,585
Don't worry. I got something big.
526
00:33:42,662 --> 00:33:46,154
It's our chance to put the network
on top. I can prove it to Crampton.
527
00:33:46,232 --> 00:33:49,258
Our network on top?
[Laughing, snorting]
528
00:33:49,335 --> 00:33:50,927
Forget it.
529
00:33:52,939 --> 00:33:55,601
Guess I was mistaken.
You're another one of those.
530
00:33:55,675 --> 00:33:57,142
Wait a minute.
531
00:33:59,078 --> 00:34:00,636
Another one of those what?
532
00:34:00,713 --> 00:34:03,614
One of those who has something
against young people.
533
00:34:03,683 --> 00:34:05,674
I never said that.
534
00:34:05,751 --> 00:34:08,447
What's wrong with a young
man getting ahead, anyway?
535
00:34:08,521 --> 00:34:12,048
I mean, didn't William Pitt
become prime minister of England at 24?
536
00:34:12,124 --> 00:34:13,819
What about Alexander Hamilton?
537
00:34:13,893 --> 00:34:16,657
He signed the Declaration
of Independence at 19.
538
00:34:16,729 --> 00:34:20,028
Alexander the Great. How old
was he when he conquered Macedonia?
539
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,529
- I forget.
- And Louis XIV.
540
00:34:22,602 --> 00:34:26,504
The greatest ruler France had. You know,
he became king at the age of four.
541
00:34:26,572 --> 00:34:27,561
Four?
542
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:31,201
There was even a British king who
took over when he was nine months old.
543
00:34:31,277 --> 00:34:35,270
I can go through history and show people
that became great leaders at early ages.
544
00:34:35,348 --> 00:34:38,215
Huh. Yeah,
but what's that got to do with...
545
00:34:38,284 --> 00:34:41,720
Here he comes. I know you'll find
the time to slip it to Mr. Crampton.
546
00:34:41,787 --> 00:34:43,687
- Morning, Mr. Wilbanks.
- Morning.
547
00:34:43,756 --> 00:34:45,656
- Have a nice trip.
- Have a nice trip?
548
00:34:45,725 --> 00:34:47,317
I'm only going to the airport.
549
00:34:47,393 --> 00:34:50,055
Well, have a nice trip
to the airport.
550
00:34:50,129 --> 00:34:54,031
Something must be wrong, Wilbanks.
We're always third in the ratings.
551
00:34:54,100 --> 00:34:57,592
Which would be all right, but
there are only three networks!
552
00:34:57,670 --> 00:35:01,538
We come up with loser after
loser, disaster after disaster.
553
00:35:01,607 --> 00:35:05,134
But chief, I've been through
47 pilot films this year...
554
00:35:05,211 --> 00:35:08,374
Well, maybe it's your staff.
Have you got experienced people?
555
00:35:08,447 --> 00:35:10,677
Well, experience is hard
to come by, chief.
556
00:35:10,750 --> 00:35:13,150
All you've got available
to you are young kids,
557
00:35:13,219 --> 00:35:16,279
running around, trying to tell
you how to run your business.
558
00:35:16,355 --> 00:35:19,085
Speaking of kids telling you
how to run your business,
559
00:35:19,158 --> 00:35:20,785
this is for you, Mr. Crampton.
560
00:35:22,395 --> 00:35:24,226
[Sighs] Is that from Steven Post?
561
00:35:24,297 --> 00:35:27,425
[Wilbanks] Why would you
bother the chief with that?
562
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,832
Isn't it bad enough
that I'm bothered by him?
563
00:35:29,902 --> 00:35:33,770
He says he's got a foolproof method
of determining the top-rated programs.
564
00:35:33,839 --> 00:35:36,000
Hmm. He's ambitious.
565
00:35:36,075 --> 00:35:38,441
He's rated all
of last night's shows.
566
00:35:38,511 --> 00:35:41,503
"Check with the overnight ratings.
You'll see I'm right."
567
00:35:41,580 --> 00:35:43,411
Don't pay any attention to that kid.
568
00:35:43,482 --> 00:35:47,578
He'll drive you nuts. He's 21 years old,
and thinks he should run the network.
569
00:35:47,653 --> 00:35:50,520
Well, I don't think age has
anything to do with it, boss.
570
00:35:50,589 --> 00:35:53,353
- I didn't ask you!
- What's wrong with a young man
571
00:35:53,426 --> 00:35:55,621
running the network?
Look at William Pitt.
572
00:35:55,695 --> 00:35:58,528
He was only 24,
and he was president of England.
573
00:35:58,597 --> 00:36:02,624
And Alexander the Great. How old was he
when he conquered Macedonia?
574
00:36:02,702 --> 00:36:05,296
How would I know?
Just drive the car.
575
00:36:05,371 --> 00:36:08,829
Look at all them little kids
that was kings of different countries.
576
00:36:08,908 --> 00:36:11,502
Like this little kid
that was only four years old,
577
00:36:11,577 --> 00:36:14,705
and he was king of France.
And there's one kid,
578
00:36:14,780 --> 00:36:17,681
he was the king of England,
he was only nine months!
579
00:36:17,750 --> 00:36:22,653
Nine months? A person became
king of England at nine months?
580
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:24,690
I don't remember anything about that.
581
00:36:24,757 --> 00:36:26,622
You don't?
[Laughing, snorting]
582
00:36:29,595 --> 00:36:33,087
- Tell him to drive the car.
- Drive the car.
583
00:36:39,939 --> 00:36:42,669
You rated every show
exactly like our rating service.
584
00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:44,642
How'd you do that, young man?
585
00:36:44,710 --> 00:36:47,338
I guess I just have an instinct
for what people like.
586
00:36:47,413 --> 00:36:50,041
He's got an instinct for
getting people in trouble.
587
00:36:50,116 --> 00:36:51,105
Just a minute.
588
00:36:51,183 --> 00:36:53,174
- You can't listen to punks.
- Francis.
589
00:36:53,252 --> 00:36:54,583
[Wilbanks complaining]
590
00:36:54,653 --> 00:36:56,518
Francis!
591
00:36:57,123 --> 00:37:00,183
I'm out here to replace
some shows that...
592
00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:02,386
Well, they're not doing too well.
593
00:37:02,461 --> 00:37:05,021
How would you like to look
at some new films with me?
594
00:37:05,097 --> 00:37:07,429
- I'd be honored.
- That's carrying it too far.
595
00:37:07,500 --> 00:37:09,934
I think I could do a lot better
if I took them home.
596
00:37:10,002 --> 00:37:12,562
My powers of concentration
are stronger that way.
597
00:37:12,638 --> 00:37:14,572
[Wilbanks] Never mind.
598
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,268
No film leaves this studio.
That's company policy.
599
00:37:17,343 --> 00:37:19,811
He's right.
Just be in our viewing room at 6:00.
600
00:37:19,879 --> 00:37:24,248
Francis, we'll see how good
the boy really is.
601
00:37:25,184 --> 00:37:26,708
[Nervous chuckle]
602
00:37:42,401 --> 00:37:44,892
[Crampton] That looks good.
It's encouraging.
603
00:37:46,038 --> 00:37:49,064
[Wilbanks] Yeah, I think
we're on the right track.
604
00:37:49,141 --> 00:37:51,871
- What was that?
- What?
605
00:37:51,944 --> 00:37:53,309
[Crampton] What was that?
606
00:37:53,379 --> 00:37:56,507
One of our plumbers, sir.
He's a terrific little guy. Really.
607
00:37:56,582 --> 00:37:59,915
Shortest plumber I've ever seen.
I hope you're paying minimum.
608
00:37:59,985 --> 00:38:02,078
- I don't hire the plumbers.
- You coming?
609
00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:04,987
- I'll be right up.
- Find out who hires plumbers.
610
00:38:54,607 --> 00:38:57,542
Stan, don't use the mail elevator
for a couple of minutes.
611
00:38:57,610 --> 00:39:00,477
- I got some important stuff on it.
- Sure, Steve.
612
00:39:14,994 --> 00:39:17,394
Jen! Uh, hi.
[Nervous chuckle]
613
00:39:17,463 --> 00:39:20,330
What have you been up to?
I've been looking for you all day.
614
00:39:20,399 --> 00:39:24,233
Oh, kind of in and out.
You know how it is. What's up?
615
00:39:24,303 --> 00:39:27,966
Well, I wanted to talk to you.
I'm worried about my chimp.
616
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,907
[Jen] He's calmed down like
you said, but maybe too much.
617
00:39:30,976 --> 00:39:34,707
- Uh, uh, what do you mean?
- He doesn't seem to be himself.
618
00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:37,180
He has no energy,
no spunk, nothing.
619
00:39:37,249 --> 00:39:39,547
He's even stopped watching TV.
620
00:39:39,618 --> 00:39:42,314
He probably got a hold of
bad bananas or something.
621
00:39:42,388 --> 00:39:44,822
Bananas?
Would they bother a chimp?
622
00:39:44,890 --> 00:39:48,223
Uh, sure. If he got a hold
of some bad ones, they would.
623
00:39:48,294 --> 00:39:49,727
Hmm.
624
00:39:55,267 --> 00:39:57,963
Steve, what's the matter with you?
You seem nervous.
625
00:39:58,037 --> 00:40:00,267
Uh, I gotta go to that screening.
626
00:40:00,339 --> 00:40:02,307
You know,
big shots and everything.
627
00:40:02,374 --> 00:40:05,207
It's already started.
What are you standing here for?
628
00:40:05,277 --> 00:40:08,440
Uh, I was just waiting
for some mail to come up.
629
00:40:08,514 --> 00:40:10,641
[Laughs] Then you have
to push the button.
630
00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:16,217
Yeah. I was just thinking
about doing that.
631
00:40:19,525 --> 00:40:20,924
What is the matter with you?
632
00:40:20,993 --> 00:40:23,223
You act like you're
trying to get rid of me.
633
00:40:23,295 --> 00:40:26,822
Oh, Jen, you know
I'd never do a thing like that.
634
00:40:29,068 --> 00:40:31,195
If you want a ride home,
you better come on.
635
00:40:31,270 --> 00:40:32,931
Okay.
636
00:40:35,307 --> 00:40:39,368
You know, Steve,
sometimes you act really weird.
637
00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:44,279
I'll see you later, Jen.
[Sighs]
638
00:41:06,739 --> 00:41:09,367
- [Country music plays]
- Is that you, Post?
639
00:41:09,441 --> 00:41:11,102
Uh, yes, sir. Sorry I'm late.
640
00:41:11,176 --> 00:41:13,110
Yes. Well, we're showing a few scenes
641
00:41:13,178 --> 00:41:15,009
from The Happy Harringtons first.
642
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,878
We're confident
it's our strongest replacement show.
643
00:41:17,950 --> 00:41:19,918
But feel free
to have your own opinion.
644
00:41:19,985 --> 00:41:21,418
Thank you, sir.
645
00:41:26,525 --> 00:41:27,924
[Blowing raspberry]
646
00:41:27,993 --> 00:41:30,553
- What was that?
- I didn't say anything.
647
00:41:30,629 --> 00:41:32,563
I get asthma
every once in a while.
648
00:41:32,631 --> 00:41:36,192
You better have that checked.
That's the worst I've heard.
649
00:41:36,835 --> 00:41:38,769
[Blows raspberry]
650
00:41:38,837 --> 00:41:42,136
Post, if you don't like
the show, just say so!
651
00:41:42,207 --> 00:41:44,038
Uh, I'm sorry, sir.
652
00:41:44,109 --> 00:41:46,805
I, uh, I think I'll get
my asthma spray.
653
00:41:46,879 --> 00:41:49,109
I keep it in the projection booth.
654
00:41:49,181 --> 00:41:52,776
[Crampton] Why would he keep his
asthma spray in the projection booth?
655
00:41:52,851 --> 00:41:57,185
- Well, he... I don't know.
- Oh, you don't know.
656
00:41:57,256 --> 00:41:59,781
Can you ever answer anything
but "I don't know"?
657
00:41:59,858 --> 00:42:01,018
- Stevie.
- Hi, Tom.
658
00:42:01,093 --> 00:42:03,357
What do you got,
a replacement for Wilbanks?
659
00:42:03,429 --> 00:42:05,693
No, he's a pet.
I'm watching him for a friend.
660
00:42:05,764 --> 00:42:07,231
Hey, he's really great.
661
00:42:07,299 --> 00:42:09,790
I gotta go back.
How about him watching from here?
662
00:42:09,868 --> 00:42:11,802
- He won't be any problem.
- Sure.
663
00:42:11,870 --> 00:42:15,533
I'm glad to have someone to talk to.
It gets lonely in here by yourself.
664
00:42:17,209 --> 00:42:20,007
Now, don't let me down.
Thanks a lot, Tom.
665
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:22,206
Sure, Steve.
666
00:42:26,318 --> 00:42:28,377
[Drum roll]
667
00:42:30,055 --> 00:42:32,580
[Announcer] UBC proudly presents...
668
00:42:35,394 --> 00:42:38,090
...Devil Dan!
669
00:42:39,732 --> 00:42:42,895
Dumb kid. I told him to save
this for the last, chief.
670
00:42:42,968 --> 00:42:45,163
I'm sorry about this. Save it!
671
00:42:45,237 --> 00:42:48,468
[Crampton] I know it isn't much,
but we have to look at them all.
672
00:42:48,540 --> 00:42:50,007
Don't save it!
673
00:42:54,847 --> 00:42:57,008
Devil Dan?
Audience appeal?
674
00:42:57,082 --> 00:42:59,482
- You've gotta be kidding.
- [Steve] Not at all.
675
00:42:59,551 --> 00:43:02,179
Devil Dan would start
this network to the top.
676
00:43:02,254 --> 00:43:04,620
Yes, well, my boy,
I think we at the network
677
00:43:04,690 --> 00:43:06,885
have our fingers
on the pulse of the public,
678
00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,859
and it reads
Happy Harringtons to us.
679
00:43:08,927 --> 00:43:13,557
But sir, people just won't buy that
stuff anymore. That show is a dog.
680
00:43:13,632 --> 00:43:16,226
Well, yes, we do appreciate
your suggestion.
681
00:43:16,301 --> 00:43:19,634
If we ever need you again,
we'll be sure and get in touch.
682
00:43:21,340 --> 00:43:25,208
- Ruthless, bald audacity.
- That's what I'm trying to tell you.
683
00:43:25,277 --> 00:43:27,507
That boy is blind to everything human...
684
00:43:27,579 --> 00:43:29,479
Figure a way
to quietly get rid of him.
685
00:43:29,548 --> 00:43:30,640
Oh, I can handle that.
686
00:43:30,716 --> 00:43:34,652
I'm going east, I'll take care
of things there. Get hold of publicity.
687
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:37,883
The Happy Harringtons
are replacing Riot Squadron Saturday.
688
00:43:37,956 --> 00:43:39,821
Tell them we want
a big splurge on it.
689
00:43:39,892 --> 00:43:42,588
Right, chief. I'll take care
of it on this end. Right.
690
00:43:42,661 --> 00:43:45,129
They just won't listen.
Nobody will listen.
691
00:43:45,197 --> 00:43:47,722
They were nice enough
to ask you to see the film.
692
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,268
You gave them your opinion,
they didn't like it.
693
00:43:50,335 --> 00:43:52,803
- You can't blame them.
- But they're wrong, Jen.
694
00:43:52,871 --> 00:43:54,964
Well, how do you know
they're wrong?
695
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,840
I just know it. I really know it!
696
00:43:59,978 --> 00:44:02,310
And I know of a way
to make them listen too.
697
00:44:59,238 --> 00:45:01,900
Can I have your attention?
Your attention.
698
00:45:01,974 --> 00:45:04,909
Thank you. I want you all
to make yourselves comfortable,
699
00:45:04,977 --> 00:45:06,945
and I want you
to enjoy yourselves.
700
00:45:07,012 --> 00:45:11,312
But I would suggest that you hold
your applause until after the show.
701
00:45:11,383 --> 00:45:13,943
That way you won't miss
any of the jokes.
702
00:45:14,019 --> 00:45:15,486
[Polite laughter]
703
00:45:22,427 --> 00:45:24,292
[Drum roll]
704
00:45:24,363 --> 00:45:28,697
[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
stay tuned for UBC's hilarious new show,
705
00:45:28,767 --> 00:45:32,396
The Happy Harringtons!
706
00:45:32,471 --> 00:45:35,031
UBC proudly presents...
707
00:45:37,910 --> 00:45:39,969
...Devil Dan!
708
00:45:40,045 --> 00:45:42,605
- Devil Dan?
- How did that happen?
709
00:45:42,681 --> 00:45:46,208
What's going on here? In all my years,
I've never seen this happen.
710
00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:48,480
It's those boobs
in the transmitting room.
711
00:45:48,553 --> 00:45:51,351
I'll get to the bottom of this
if I have to fire every one.
712
00:45:51,423 --> 00:45:52,890
Get me a phone.
713
00:45:52,958 --> 00:45:55,722
[Steve] There's no sense
in calling anyone.
714
00:45:55,794 --> 00:45:57,819
You see, I changed the program.
715
00:45:57,896 --> 00:45:59,796
- You?
- [Crowd gasps]
716
00:45:59,865 --> 00:46:02,732
Yes, sir. I know it may seem
a little upsetting right now,
717
00:46:02,801 --> 00:46:06,498
but believe me, it's in the
best interest of the company.
718
00:46:06,571 --> 00:46:10,940
Do you realize that you have
altered the will of a network?
719
00:46:11,009 --> 00:46:14,445
And I, uh, I suppose
you want me to resign?
720
00:46:14,513 --> 00:46:16,606
No. You're fired.
721
00:46:19,718 --> 00:46:22,278
- [Phone ringing]
- [Sighs]
722
00:46:22,354 --> 00:46:24,447
Mr. Wilbanks,
New York on the phone.
723
00:46:24,523 --> 00:46:27,720
That's Crampton!
What am I going to tell Crampton?
724
00:46:33,098 --> 00:46:36,295
- Steve.
- Hey, look, Jen, don't worry.
725
00:46:36,368 --> 00:46:38,666
Everything's gonna be okay, really.
726
00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:46,943
[Sighs] Big dummy.
727
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:49,276
You see?
That's what happens
728
00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:51,475
when you have
a Moonrise Night School man
729
00:46:51,550 --> 00:46:54,144
in the network business.
730
00:46:54,219 --> 00:46:56,449
Why don't you shut up?
731
00:47:02,494 --> 00:47:04,962
[Engine starts]
732
00:47:16,608 --> 00:47:18,235
- Hi.
- Hi.
733
00:47:18,310 --> 00:47:20,938
- Where are you going?
- I guess I'll get a hamburger.
734
00:47:21,013 --> 00:47:23,140
Well, I'm kinda hungry too.
735
00:47:23,882 --> 00:47:26,442
Look, Jen, maybe you'd
better go back inside.
736
00:47:26,518 --> 00:47:28,076
I mean, uh,
737
00:47:28,153 --> 00:47:31,281
I'm not really the most popular guy
in the world right now.
738
00:47:47,139 --> 00:47:50,336
- You really want a hamburger?
- Uh-huh.
739
00:47:50,409 --> 00:47:52,536
You look kinda funny
riding back there.
740
00:47:52,611 --> 00:47:56,012
Who said I was afraid
of looking funny?
741
00:48:12,197 --> 00:48:13,926
[Man] Holy mackerel!
742
00:48:14,332 --> 00:48:17,324
Oh, good morning,
Mr. Wilbanks!
743
00:48:20,639 --> 00:48:24,302
Oh, Mr. Wilbanks!
Say, that was really something.
744
00:48:24,376 --> 00:48:27,345
A real touch of genius.
Congratulations.
745
00:48:28,213 --> 00:48:29,771
Thank you.
746
00:48:31,616 --> 00:48:32,981
- Good morning.
- Morning.
747
00:48:33,051 --> 00:48:34,484
Hey, that was terrific.
748
00:48:34,553 --> 00:48:37,716
How'd you come up with something
like that? Congratulations.
749
00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:39,882
I beg your pardon?
750
00:48:42,060 --> 00:48:45,757
Very clever, Wilbanks.
Congratulations.
751
00:48:45,831 --> 00:48:48,527
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
752
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,262
- [Jen] Just a minute.
- Can you tell me what all...
753
00:48:51,336 --> 00:48:54,271
- Mr. Wilbanks, New York.
- Oh. Hello?
754
00:48:54,339 --> 00:48:57,900
What time do you get to work? I've
spent half the day trying to reach you.
755
00:48:57,976 --> 00:49:00,604
Oh, you see, there's a
three hour time difference,
756
00:49:00,679 --> 00:49:04,308
and where it's 12:00 noon
in New York, out here it's only...
757
00:49:04,382 --> 00:49:07,510
Don't tell me what time it is
in New York. Get him!
758
00:49:07,586 --> 00:49:10,146
- Who?
- Who?
759
00:49:10,222 --> 00:49:12,281
Haven't you read
the trade papers yet?
760
00:49:12,357 --> 00:49:14,791
Trade papers? Uh...
761
00:49:17,629 --> 00:49:20,598
- Wilbanks?
- Oh, no! How...
762
00:49:20,665 --> 00:49:24,294
- Wilbanks, are you there?
- Uh, yes, I'm... I'm here.
763
00:49:24,369 --> 00:49:26,496
Well, listen, sign him to a contract.
764
00:49:26,571 --> 00:49:29,199
We don't want anyone
stealing him from us.
765
00:49:29,274 --> 00:49:31,799
But, uh, chief, I fired him.
766
00:49:31,877 --> 00:49:34,675
- You what?
- Well, don't you remember?
767
00:49:34,746 --> 00:49:37,271
I told you on the phone,
and you told me...
768
00:49:37,349 --> 00:49:39,476
Don't tell me what I told you.
769
00:49:39,551 --> 00:49:42,679
I know what I told you.
Just get that boy back.
770
00:49:43,488 --> 00:49:45,820
He's a genius!
771
00:49:45,891 --> 00:49:47,859
Uh, I'll certainly
do my best, chief,
772
00:49:47,926 --> 00:49:49,325
but I don't know whether...
773
00:49:49,394 --> 00:49:51,123
Of course
you don't know whether.
774
00:49:51,196 --> 00:49:54,222
I'll be out tomorrow.
Have that boy in your office at 1:00.
775
00:49:54,299 --> 00:49:55,732
And have the press there.
776
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,428
From now on,
I'll manage this myself!
777
00:49:58,503 --> 00:50:01,404
On behalf of the board of
directors of this network,
778
00:50:01,473 --> 00:50:05,273
I take great pleasure
in the following announcement.
779
00:50:05,343 --> 00:50:08,506
Steven Post has been made
our new program director.
780
00:50:08,580 --> 00:50:12,311
- A boy that age, program director?
- What's the matter with a boy that age?
781
00:50:12,384 --> 00:50:13,578
Look at William Pitt.
782
00:50:13,652 --> 00:50:16,314
He was prime minister
of England when he was only 24.
783
00:50:16,388 --> 00:50:20,722
And Alexander the Great? How old
was he when he conquered Macedonia?
784
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:22,817
No, we here at the network
785
00:50:22,894 --> 00:50:26,728
are convinced that Steven Post
is a young man of unique talent,
786
00:50:26,798 --> 00:50:29,289
well-qualified to join
the executive team
787
00:50:29,367 --> 00:50:32,393
that will lead UBC
to the very top.
788
00:50:32,470 --> 00:50:34,597
If the kid's going
to be program director,
789
00:50:34,673 --> 00:50:36,538
what's going to happen to Wilbanks?
790
00:50:36,608 --> 00:50:40,169
Oh, we haven't forgotten
Mr. Wilbanks. He's moved on too.
791
00:50:40,245 --> 00:50:44,944
He'll be vice president
in charge of cultural relations.
792
00:50:45,016 --> 00:50:47,712
- What's that?
- We'll let Wilbanks explain.
793
00:50:47,786 --> 00:50:51,449
- What is it, Mr. Wilbanks?
- [Clears throat] That's very...
794
00:50:51,523 --> 00:50:56,392
You see, whenever we have the...
Uh, I don't know what it is.
795
00:51:00,465 --> 00:51:03,332
Steve, it's so wonderful.
796
00:51:03,902 --> 00:51:08,396
Huh? Yeah.
Yeah, well, uh...
797
00:51:08,473 --> 00:51:10,668
Mr. Crampton thought
I ought to have a place
798
00:51:10,742 --> 00:51:13,006
where I can kinda,
oh, entertain and stuff.
799
00:51:13,078 --> 00:51:15,308
On account of my new job,
you know?
800
00:51:15,380 --> 00:51:17,473
Oh, Steve,
I'm so happy for you.
801
00:51:17,549 --> 00:51:20,518
You should be
so proud of yourself.
802
00:51:20,585 --> 00:51:23,019
And just think,
you did it all on your own.
803
00:51:23,088 --> 00:51:25,454
[Nervous chuckle] Yeah.
804
00:51:38,236 --> 00:51:40,101
Hey!
805
00:51:43,708 --> 00:51:47,200
Come on, sweetheart.
Thattaboy. Come on, baby.
806
00:51:47,279 --> 00:51:50,043
Thattaboy. There you go.
807
00:51:50,115 --> 00:51:53,141
Yeah, I love you too.
Watch the movie.
808
00:51:53,218 --> 00:51:55,516
[Music plays]
809
00:51:59,090 --> 00:52:00,580
How about this one, Post?
810
00:52:00,659 --> 00:52:02,684
- I don't know yet.
- He doesn't know yet.
811
00:52:02,761 --> 00:52:05,252
No, he wants to run it.
812
00:52:16,141 --> 00:52:18,075
- It's good.
- Oh, another winner.
813
00:52:18,143 --> 00:52:20,168
Yeah, yeah, he likes it.
814
00:52:20,245 --> 00:52:22,179
- [Muttering]
- Yeah.
815
00:52:47,272 --> 00:52:49,604
Congratulations, Steve.
816
00:52:51,509 --> 00:52:52,908
Uh, on what?
817
00:52:52,977 --> 00:52:55,741
On the award you're
gonna win tonight.
818
00:52:55,814 --> 00:52:58,282
Hey, look, Jen,
I haven't won that yet.
819
00:52:58,350 --> 00:53:02,411
Well, you will. If you're
not TV man of the year, who is?
820
00:53:02,487 --> 00:53:04,614
[Steve] Uh, Jen...
821
00:53:04,689 --> 00:53:08,591
When are you gonna tell me
about those locks?
822
00:53:08,660 --> 00:53:11,561
There? Uh...
823
00:53:11,629 --> 00:53:13,460
I can't.
824
00:53:13,531 --> 00:53:15,897
Well, you see,
it's kinda like my war room.
825
00:53:15,967 --> 00:53:17,798
It's where I make all my decisions.
826
00:53:17,869 --> 00:53:20,133
[Steve] It's, uh...
It's very private.
827
00:53:22,340 --> 00:53:24,831
Well, do I ever get to see?
828
00:53:26,911 --> 00:53:28,538
Yeah, I'll show you sometime.
829
00:53:29,781 --> 00:53:33,080
- Steve, what's the matter?
- Nothing.
830
00:53:33,151 --> 00:53:36,177
- Uh, I was just thinking.
- About what?
831
00:53:37,188 --> 00:53:39,622
Ah, it's a lot of stuff
you wouldn't understand.
832
00:53:39,691 --> 00:53:41,852
I might.
833
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:45,727
Well, I was thinking
about people.
834
00:53:45,797 --> 00:53:48,493
People like Vasco da Gama.
835
00:53:48,566 --> 00:53:50,534
- Like who?
- Yeah, he was a discoverer.
836
00:53:50,602 --> 00:53:53,093
- He discovered the West Indies.
- I know, but...
837
00:53:53,171 --> 00:53:56,163
Isn't it just as good to
discover something as invent it?
838
00:53:56,241 --> 00:53:57,640
- I guess.
- Where would we be
839
00:53:57,709 --> 00:53:59,870
if people didn't discover things?
840
00:53:59,944 --> 00:54:04,278
Just like some great scientist who...
Well, maybe he's not so great,
841
00:54:04,349 --> 00:54:07,284
but he discovers a lab assistant
who's doing all the work.
842
00:54:07,352 --> 00:54:09,616
But the scientist
takes all the credit. Why?
843
00:54:09,687 --> 00:54:11,780
Because he discovered him.
844
00:54:11,856 --> 00:54:14,347
Well, there's nothing
wrong with that, is there?
845
00:54:15,660 --> 00:54:17,594
No, I guess not.
846
00:54:19,130 --> 00:54:22,065
Good. That's the way
I had it figured.
847
00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:28,966
[Fanfare plays]
848
00:54:40,151 --> 00:54:42,346
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
849
00:54:42,420 --> 00:54:44,888
the most coveted prize of all:
850
00:54:44,956 --> 00:54:48,084
TV's "Man of the Year" award.
851
00:54:48,159 --> 00:54:50,093
And the winner is...
852
00:54:51,129 --> 00:54:53,290
[envelope tearing]
853
00:54:54,599 --> 00:54:57,090
...Steven Post,
- Yeah! Yeah!
854
00:54:57,168 --> 00:55:00,103
President of the
United Broadcasting Corporation.
855
00:55:00,171 --> 00:55:01,638
President?
856
00:55:03,174 --> 00:55:05,472
Vice president.
857
00:55:16,654 --> 00:55:19,851
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry.
858
00:55:19,924 --> 00:55:23,826
I mean, vice president.
But at any rate,
859
00:55:23,895 --> 00:55:27,797
Steven Post is television's
man of the year!
860
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:29,834
[Music plays]
861
00:55:52,156 --> 00:55:54,454
And now the key.
862
00:55:54,526 --> 00:55:56,585
[Applause]
863
00:56:02,300 --> 00:56:03,824
Congratulations, Crampton.
864
00:56:03,902 --> 00:56:06,700
- Thank you. Thank you.
- You have a fine young man.
865
00:56:06,771 --> 00:56:08,830
Thank you, Clifford.
We're proud of him.
866
00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:12,570
You should be. Your sponsors seem
to like him. Gave him a nice little car.
867
00:56:12,644 --> 00:56:15,044
Yes, he's a man who's
going right to the top.
868
00:56:15,113 --> 00:56:17,741
The very top, indeed.
869
00:56:17,815 --> 00:56:19,407
Francis.
870
00:56:21,085 --> 00:56:22,985
Excuse us, girls.
871
00:56:24,622 --> 00:56:27,989
We gotta do something about that boy.
We've built a Frankenstein.
872
00:56:28,059 --> 00:56:31,517
- We have. He's already got my job.
- But now it's getting serious.
873
00:56:31,596 --> 00:56:34,190
- Now it's getting serious?
- How does the boy do it?
874
00:56:34,265 --> 00:56:35,289
I don't know how.
875
00:56:35,366 --> 00:56:37,960
I just know he's not smart enough
to do it on his own.
876
00:56:38,036 --> 00:56:40,436
- What have you done about it?
- What should I do?
877
00:56:40,505 --> 00:56:43,633
- I'm in cultural relations.
- The basics, man. The basics.
878
00:56:43,708 --> 00:56:46,438
Have you searched his office,
grilled his secretary,
879
00:56:46,511 --> 00:56:48,342
tapped his phone,
had him followed?
880
00:56:48,413 --> 00:56:51,280
No. Wouldn't that be unethical?
881
00:56:51,349 --> 00:56:53,442
Unethical?
Get with it, Wilbanks.
882
00:56:53,518 --> 00:56:56,510
It's a desperate situation.
It requires desperate means.
883
00:56:56,588 --> 00:56:58,818
Find out how that boy is doing it!
884
00:57:56,214 --> 00:57:58,876
[Maid] Hasta la vista,
Senor Post.
885
00:58:01,319 --> 00:58:02,547
Hasta, hasta.
886
00:58:33,418 --> 00:58:35,249
[Knocks] Hello in there.
887
00:58:39,424 --> 00:58:41,654
Can you hear me?
888
00:58:43,628 --> 00:58:44,993
Are you a prisoner?
889
00:58:47,665 --> 00:58:51,226
[Knocking] Knock twice
if you can hear me.
890
00:58:53,137 --> 00:58:56,629
- [Knocking]
- Thank heaven.
891
00:58:57,608 --> 00:59:01,203
- I'm a friend.
- [Raspberry]
892
00:59:01,279 --> 00:59:04,043
- I beg your pardon?
- [Raspberry]
893
00:59:04,115 --> 00:59:07,710
He sounds gagged!
That dirty, ruthless...
894
00:59:11,956 --> 00:59:13,821
[Steve] Hey, I'm back!
895
00:59:15,827 --> 00:59:17,488
Oh!
896
00:59:19,630 --> 00:59:21,598
[Knocking]
897
00:59:22,500 --> 00:59:25,867
[Laughs] Okay, okay!
898
00:59:25,937 --> 00:59:27,905
[Knocking]
899
00:59:27,972 --> 00:59:30,463
Okay! Don't go wild!
900
00:59:32,477 --> 00:59:34,741
[Knocking]
901
00:59:34,812 --> 00:59:35,972
Hey, take it easy.
902
00:59:41,853 --> 00:59:43,514
Wait a minute. Not the ballet.
903
00:59:43,588 --> 00:59:46,250
That'll wreck your taste for sure.
904
00:59:46,324 --> 00:59:49,122
[Steve] You're supposed
to pick the top-rated shows.
905
00:59:49,193 --> 00:59:52,060
You got that finger of yours
on the heartbeat of America.
906
00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:53,757
Don't louse it up!
907
00:59:55,933 --> 00:59:59,334
I'll put on some coffee, then we'll
take a look at those new pilots.
908
01:00:00,972 --> 01:00:03,668
[Steve] You want some pizza
tonight? I got two kinds.
909
01:00:03,741 --> 01:00:06,471
Plain and with pepperoni.
You want the pepperoni?
910
01:00:06,544 --> 01:00:09,980
- [Raspberry]
- Okay, you get the plain one.
911
01:00:27,532 --> 01:00:29,693
[Steve] Okay, it's ready!
912
01:00:57,028 --> 01:00:59,428
All right. Showtime.
913
01:01:08,306 --> 01:01:12,208
[Steve] Now, one of these days, I'm
gonna show you how to thread this thing.
914
01:01:12,276 --> 01:01:14,710
I keep forgetting that.
915
01:01:17,315 --> 01:01:20,978
It'd sure be great if you
could pick another Devil Dan.
916
01:01:56,153 --> 01:01:58,781
Who was in the room?
That's what I wanna know.
917
01:01:58,856 --> 01:02:00,653
[Roger] Well, first of all,
918
01:02:00,725 --> 01:02:03,717
there were three television sets
in front of three chairs.
919
01:02:03,794 --> 01:02:07,753
- Three sets?
- Yeah, and a projector and a screen.
920
01:02:07,832 --> 01:02:10,824
Then there was this tree with
a whole bunch of bananas on it.
921
01:02:10,902 --> 01:02:12,870
Bananas? Ba...
That could be it.
922
01:02:12,937 --> 01:02:16,304
- Bananas could be brain food.
- Oh, yeah. They are.
923
01:02:16,374 --> 01:02:18,865
Jen, get me Dr. Schmidt
in Research on the phone.
924
01:02:18,943 --> 01:02:21,377
- I'm sure he's gone home.
- I know he's gone home.
925
01:02:21,445 --> 01:02:23,572
Get him on the phone.
He's probably got...
926
01:02:23,648 --> 01:02:25,616
- What is it, Roger?
- It's not bananas.
927
01:02:25,683 --> 01:02:28,174
It's that phantom roommate
he keeps locked up.
928
01:02:28,252 --> 01:02:30,914
[Roger] I looked everywhere,
but I couldn't see him.
929
01:02:30,988 --> 01:02:33,115
They were talking,
but I couldn't see him.
930
01:02:33,190 --> 01:02:36,387
Well, let's get down to basics.
Tell me what you did see,
931
01:02:36,460 --> 01:02:39,258
and don't tell me about the
thing around your leg again.
932
01:02:39,330 --> 01:02:41,525
- [Snorts, laughs]
- It was weird.
933
01:02:41,599 --> 01:02:44,397
Whoever it was was wearing
a little red cap
934
01:02:44,468 --> 01:02:46,026
with a blue bon-bon
on the top.
935
01:02:46,103 --> 01:02:49,869
- It was just gliding along.
- Hello? Hello?
936
01:02:49,941 --> 01:02:52,808
There were empty
banana skins everywhere.
937
01:02:52,877 --> 01:02:57,610
And then, this hairy arm
grabbed me right in the closet.
938
01:02:57,682 --> 01:03:01,277
[Roger] It was hideous. There
was no head, no body, no feet.
939
01:03:01,352 --> 01:03:03,843
- [Phone] Hello?
- Just a hairy arm.
940
01:03:03,921 --> 01:03:06,788
[Wilbanks] Jen, what are you doing?
941
01:03:06,857 --> 01:03:10,088
- Excuse me.
- Dr. Schmidt, Francis Wilbanks.
942
01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:13,858
Uh, tell me, doctor,
are bananas brain food?
943
01:03:13,931 --> 01:03:18,334
Bananas? Brain food?
Well, I couldn't say for sure,
944
01:03:18,402 --> 01:03:22,429
but I do recall a certain tribe in New
Guinea who subscribed to the theory
945
01:03:22,506 --> 01:03:24,770
that bananas were indeed, a brain food.
946
01:03:24,842 --> 01:03:27,436
[Doorbell rings]
947
01:03:33,017 --> 01:03:35,281
- Oh, hi, Jen.
- Hello, Vasco da Gama.
948
01:03:35,353 --> 01:03:36,684
- What?
- Oh, you know.
949
01:03:36,754 --> 01:03:39,086
He was the one who
discovered the West Indies.
950
01:03:39,156 --> 01:03:43,252
He was a discoverer. Discoverers
are just as important as inventors.
951
01:03:43,327 --> 01:03:46,956
Like the mad scientist who keeps
his assistant locked in the basement.
952
01:03:47,031 --> 01:03:49,090
I didn't say anything
about a scientist.
953
01:03:49,166 --> 01:03:51,100
- I want my chimp.
- What?
954
01:03:51,168 --> 01:03:53,363
I know, Steve.
955
01:03:53,437 --> 01:03:56,031
They never listened to me, Jen.
956
01:03:56,107 --> 01:03:58,234
They wouldn't have for a million years!
957
01:03:58,309 --> 01:03:59,867
Steve, open this door.
958
01:03:59,944 --> 01:04:02,139
I didn't even have a car.
I had a motorcycle.
959
01:04:02,213 --> 01:04:06,513
Now I got a DeTomaso Mangusta.
A brand-new DeTomaso Mangusta.
960
01:04:06,584 --> 01:04:09,417
I mean it, Steve.
Now, you open that door!
961
01:04:10,921 --> 01:04:13,981
Uh... Look, Jen.
962
01:04:15,026 --> 01:04:17,085
I did it for you.
963
01:04:17,161 --> 01:04:21,962
I mean, why would you ever
want to marry a mail boy?
964
01:04:22,033 --> 01:04:25,901
I kidded myself, but that's
all I knew I'd ever be.
965
01:04:31,442 --> 01:04:33,637
You never said you
wanted to marry me.
966
01:04:33,711 --> 01:04:35,804
Well, uh...
967
01:04:36,447 --> 01:04:38,711
That's because I was a mail boy.
968
01:04:38,783 --> 01:04:42,219
I mean, uh,
I didn't even have a car.
969
01:04:42,286 --> 01:04:43,719
Just a motorcycle.
970
01:04:45,289 --> 01:04:48,690
I told you before, there's nothing
the matter with a motorcycle.
971
01:04:50,394 --> 01:04:52,521
[Raffles hooting, knocking]
972
01:04:52,596 --> 01:04:56,726
Uh, I guess he
recognized your voice.
973
01:04:59,970 --> 01:05:02,803
I'm kinda glad you...
you found out. I...
974
01:05:02,873 --> 01:05:05,842
I was trying to figure out
a way to tell you.
975
01:05:07,945 --> 01:05:10,277
[Hooting]
976
01:05:11,782 --> 01:05:14,012
[Steve] You see, Jen, it is working.
977
01:05:14,085 --> 01:05:16,553
He is happy.
978
01:05:16,620 --> 01:05:18,554
Look, we could have it all.
979
01:05:18,622 --> 01:05:21,489
I'm not hurting anybody, either.
980
01:05:21,559 --> 01:05:23,891
I guess you've been
treating him pretty good.
981
01:05:25,129 --> 01:05:26,960
Why don't, um...
982
01:05:27,031 --> 01:05:29,761
Why don't we just
keep it in the family?
983
01:05:29,834 --> 01:05:32,234
Okay, he can stay.
984
01:05:32,303 --> 01:05:34,737
But remember,
I get visitation rights.
985
01:05:35,773 --> 01:05:37,331
Yeah.
986
01:05:39,610 --> 01:05:42,306
[Bob] Hey, Steve.
Hey, you're looking really sharp.
987
01:05:42,379 --> 01:05:43,971
- [Steve] New job.
- [Bob] Yeah.
988
01:05:44,048 --> 01:05:46,881
What happened to that chimp
you used to bring around?
989
01:05:46,951 --> 01:05:48,418
Not so loud. Not around here.
990
01:05:48,486 --> 01:05:52,047
Yeah? I mean, he sure
liked Devil Dan, didn't he?
991
01:05:52,123 --> 01:05:54,921
I mean, I've never seen
anything like it. He just...
992
01:06:00,231 --> 01:06:03,098
The manager said room 1123
993
01:06:03,167 --> 01:06:05,692
is directly across
from Post's apartment.
994
01:06:05,769 --> 01:06:07,964
- Now we'll see.
- Oh, see what?
995
01:06:08,038 --> 01:06:10,165
I can understand
your skepticism, Uncle.
996
01:06:10,241 --> 01:06:12,232
This has been a gigantic puzzle,
997
01:06:12,309 --> 01:06:14,743
but I put the pieces together,
and they all fit.
998
01:06:14,812 --> 01:06:16,939
Oh, fit, my foot.
This is ridiculous.
999
01:06:21,152 --> 01:06:23,120
I didn't believe
a mail boy could do it.
1000
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:25,178
I'm not gonna believe a chimp can do it.
1001
01:06:25,256 --> 01:06:28,054
- It's a wild goose chase.
- You mean, wild monkey chase.
1002
01:06:28,125 --> 01:06:30,184
- [Snorting, laughing]
- It's not funny.
1003
01:06:30,261 --> 01:06:33,890
- Stop that simple laughing.
- Sorry, boss.
1004
01:06:40,137 --> 01:06:42,162
I don't like this.
I don't like it at all.
1005
01:06:42,239 --> 01:06:44,332
There must be something criminal.
1006
01:06:44,408 --> 01:06:46,808
Oh, Uncle, we're not
doing anything criminal.
1007
01:06:46,877 --> 01:06:49,812
Then why do I feel
like a peeping Tom?
1008
01:06:53,551 --> 01:06:55,678
[Roger] Okay. Look.
1009
01:07:04,929 --> 01:07:07,625
Well, so what? It's just
that mail boy sitting there
1010
01:07:07,698 --> 01:07:10,064
all by himself, looking at TV.
1011
01:07:11,302 --> 01:07:14,203
[Roger] Look. Quick, quick! Look.
1012
01:07:19,643 --> 01:07:22,407
Good heavens.
1013
01:07:25,049 --> 01:07:29,315
[Wilbanks] I think we finally
may be getting somewhere.
1014
01:07:48,672 --> 01:07:51,232
Here! See what I mean?
See what I...
1015
01:07:54,278 --> 01:07:57,008
[Crampton] Yes, I do.
He's watching Smuggler's Gold.
1016
01:07:57,081 --> 01:07:58,844
That's the number one-rated show.
1017
01:07:58,916 --> 01:08:02,579
That's what I've been trying to tell
you. The chimp is picking the shows.
1018
01:08:02,653 --> 01:08:06,783
Well, we can't really tell. He might
not even know what he's looking at.
1019
01:08:06,857 --> 01:08:09,348
Oh, a commercial break.
1020
01:08:18,869 --> 01:08:20,962
[Crampton] Wilbanks, he knows!
1021
01:08:21,038 --> 01:08:25,668
He really knows. He got
a beer during the commercial.
1022
01:08:26,644 --> 01:08:29,340
[Roger] Proof positive.
1023
01:08:29,413 --> 01:08:33,509
[Wilbanks] Oh, that's a sure
sign if I've ever seen one.
1024
01:08:35,619 --> 01:08:39,282
Wilbanks, get that chimp.
1025
01:09:05,549 --> 01:09:07,608
- What are we doing here?
- Just follow me.
1026
01:09:07,685 --> 01:09:11,678
I didn't get where I am without
planning ahead. Come on.
1027
01:09:13,624 --> 01:09:17,060
- [Wind whistling]
- [Wheezing]
1028
01:09:18,429 --> 01:09:21,296
Hey, boss, don't ya think
it'd be better if I stayed here
1029
01:09:21,365 --> 01:09:24,664
- and cut people off at the pass?
- Cut them off at the pass?
1030
01:09:24,735 --> 01:09:27,533
You don't want people
bothering you out on the ledge.
1031
01:09:27,604 --> 01:09:30,437
Will you stop that
silly talk and come on?
1032
01:09:30,507 --> 01:09:32,839
But, boss, I...
I get sick when I look down.
1033
01:09:32,910 --> 01:09:34,036
Well, then look up.
1034
01:09:34,111 --> 01:09:36,102
I have the same problem
when I look up.
1035
01:09:36,180 --> 01:09:39,479
Get prepared to be sick.
I can't handle that chimp by myself.
1036
01:09:39,550 --> 01:09:40,539
But, boss...
1037
01:09:43,420 --> 01:09:45,615
[wheezing]
1038
01:10:09,079 --> 01:10:10,808
[Wheezing]
1039
01:10:10,881 --> 01:10:13,475
Will you stop
that simple wheezing?
1040
01:10:13,550 --> 01:10:16,883
I can't help it. This always
happens to me at high altitudes.
1041
01:10:16,954 --> 01:10:20,685
You're only 200 feet up.
Let go of me.
1042
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:23,352
Ohhhhh!
1043
01:10:23,427 --> 01:10:26,089
[Straining]
1044
01:10:32,569 --> 01:10:34,867
I told you to stay with me.
1045
01:10:46,083 --> 01:10:48,449
[Whimpering]
1046
01:11:00,431 --> 01:11:02,797
A-ha! Hello, little fella.
1047
01:11:02,866 --> 01:11:05,232
Let's go for a walk, huh?
That's a good fella.
1048
01:11:05,302 --> 01:11:07,634
That's the worst experience
I ever had.
1049
01:11:07,704 --> 01:11:10,332
Yeah. The door, the door. Come on.
1050
01:11:12,376 --> 01:11:15,607
Boss, the door is locked.
1051
01:11:15,679 --> 01:11:18,011
Uh... Well, of course it's locked.
1052
01:11:18,081 --> 01:11:19,912
You don't expect him
to leave it open
1053
01:11:19,983 --> 01:11:23,009
with a valuable chimp
like that in here, do you?
1054
01:11:26,957 --> 01:11:28,982
We're not going
out there again, are we?
1055
01:11:29,059 --> 01:11:30,822
Why not? The chimp isn't afraid.
1056
01:11:30,894 --> 01:11:33,158
He's used to swinging
around in high places.
1057
01:11:33,230 --> 01:11:34,754
[Wilbanks] Come on!
1058
01:11:37,634 --> 01:11:39,761
[Mertons wheezing]
1059
01:11:42,039 --> 01:11:44,837
Oh, no! Now you
did it with that wheezing.
1060
01:11:44,908 --> 01:11:47,399
- You scared the chimp.
- Sorry, boss.
1061
01:11:47,478 --> 01:11:50,379
Sorry doesn't feed the bulldog.
1062
01:11:51,081 --> 01:11:52,776
Where'd he go?
1063
01:11:59,790 --> 01:12:02,486
- [Wilbanks] There he is.
- Where? [screaming]
1064
01:12:04,561 --> 01:12:06,927
[Mertons] Boss, help!
[Wheezing]
1065
01:12:06,997 --> 01:12:09,659
- [Kicking windowpane]
- [Barking]
1066
01:12:11,535 --> 01:12:14,436
- [Wheezing]
- Stop wheezing!
1067
01:12:14,505 --> 01:12:17,303
[Wilbanks] What are you doing?
Wait! Ow!
1068
01:12:17,374 --> 01:12:19,171
- [Wheezing]
- [Groaning]
1069
01:12:19,243 --> 01:12:23,111
Help! Oh!
Not the tie, not the tie!
1070
01:12:23,180 --> 01:12:26,479
Ah! Get the...
Oh, get the... Oh! Oh.
1071
01:12:26,550 --> 01:12:28,313
[Grunting]
1072
01:12:33,257 --> 01:12:36,249
Oh, just watch it. Oh.
1073
01:12:37,561 --> 01:12:40,121
Now, don't touch me.
Just don't touch me.
1074
01:12:40,197 --> 01:12:41,858
Yes, boss.
1075
01:12:43,934 --> 01:12:46,266
I can't understand
what happened to your car.
1076
01:12:46,336 --> 01:12:48,429
I guess they had
to gas it up or something.
1077
01:12:48,505 --> 01:12:51,030
- That's okay. I'm in no hurry.
- I better check.
1078
01:12:53,443 --> 01:12:56,412
- [Sighing]
- [Raffles hooting]
1079
01:13:01,218 --> 01:13:03,448
How did you get down here?
1080
01:13:09,793 --> 01:13:12,023
Oh, no.
1081
01:13:12,095 --> 01:13:14,427
What do we do now?
1082
01:13:15,299 --> 01:13:17,995
[Grunts, screams]
1083
01:13:18,068 --> 01:13:21,936
[Wheezing]
1084
01:13:30,747 --> 01:13:32,647
Now don't panic.
1085
01:13:32,716 --> 01:13:34,809
We'll just crawl back
in the kid's room.
1086
01:13:34,885 --> 01:13:38,844
He's bound to have a phone and we'll
call somebody and have them get us.
1087
01:13:38,922 --> 01:13:39,911
[Wheezing]
1088
01:13:51,768 --> 01:13:53,429
[Wheezing]
1089
01:13:55,872 --> 01:13:58,864
Oh, I left that darn window
open too far.
1090
01:13:58,942 --> 01:14:01,274
No more open window for you.
1091
01:14:04,748 --> 01:14:06,443
I'll see you later.
1092
01:14:14,157 --> 01:14:15,590
How'd he get back in there?
1093
01:14:15,659 --> 01:14:17,251
[Wilbanks] How would I know?
1094
01:14:17,327 --> 01:14:19,227
[Grunts] This is locked too.
1095
01:14:19,296 --> 01:14:21,127
[Wheezing] What do we do?
1096
01:14:21,198 --> 01:14:22,893
Well, maybe he can unlock it.
1097
01:14:22,966 --> 01:14:24,900
He seems able
to do everything else.
1098
01:14:24,968 --> 01:14:26,629
- [Wheezing]
- For the last time,
1099
01:14:26,703 --> 01:14:28,364
will you stop that wheezing?
1100
01:14:28,438 --> 01:14:32,670
[Chuckling] Little fella?
Turn the handle.
1101
01:14:32,743 --> 01:14:35,143
You're gonna love it.
That's it. Yes.
1102
01:14:35,212 --> 01:14:38,511
There you go. Yes. Yes.
1103
01:14:38,982 --> 01:14:40,279
[Hiccup]
1104
01:14:40,350 --> 01:14:44,309
- You're not gonna start that?
- I can't help it, boss. [hiccup]
1105
01:14:44,388 --> 01:14:45,980
We don't have to stand up again?
1106
01:14:46,056 --> 01:14:48,422
Of course we have to stand up!
Get up! Get up!
1107
01:14:48,492 --> 01:14:52,485
Maybe we can attract some attention,
help get off of this thing.
1108
01:14:52,562 --> 01:14:56,123
Boss, this is awful. [hiccup]
1109
01:14:56,199 --> 01:14:59,066
Stop hiccupping! First you
wheeze and then you hiccup!
1110
01:14:59,136 --> 01:15:01,468
I can't help it.
I hiccup when I get nervous.
1111
01:15:01,538 --> 01:15:03,005
[Hiccup]
1112
01:15:03,073 --> 01:15:06,907
Stop it! I can't stand it!
Don't you understand that?
1113
01:15:06,977 --> 01:15:10,071
- Just try holding your breath.
- That never works with me.
1114
01:15:10,147 --> 01:15:13,082
Maybe if you get me a glass
of water. That sometimes helps.
1115
01:15:13,150 --> 01:15:15,983
All right. I'll get...
How can I get you a glass of water?
1116
01:15:16,053 --> 01:15:17,782
- I can't...
- [sirens wailing]
1117
01:15:17,854 --> 01:15:20,652
Come on! Glass of water.
1118
01:15:27,197 --> 01:15:29,631
It's an ambulance, police cars.
1119
01:15:29,700 --> 01:15:32,601
Well, you wanted
to attract attention.
1120
01:15:38,141 --> 01:15:41,577
Oh, here we go again.
K-7, this is 10-Sugar-Charlie.
1121
01:15:41,645 --> 01:15:43,340
[Radio] Come in.
1122
01:15:43,413 --> 01:15:45,176
We're here. The report checks out.
1123
01:15:45,248 --> 01:15:48,581
We got a couple of nuts
trying to commit suicide.
1124
01:15:48,652 --> 01:15:50,950
Give me that thing.
1125
01:15:51,021 --> 01:15:54,684
All right, now, just...
just take it easy up there.
1126
01:15:54,758 --> 01:15:59,991
Everything's gonna be all right.
Above all, don't jump.
1127
01:16:00,063 --> 01:16:02,896
He thinks we're gonna jump.
1128
01:16:02,966 --> 01:16:05,264
No, we're not going to jump!
1129
01:16:05,335 --> 01:16:08,031
- [Screaming]
- [Wheezing]
1130
01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:12,064
[Hiccup] Hey, boss,
I'm losing my buttons. [wheezing]
1131
01:16:33,363 --> 01:16:34,887
We almost lost one that time.
1132
01:16:34,965 --> 01:16:37,763
This is gonna be a tough one, Vince.
1133
01:16:37,834 --> 01:16:40,894
Here, take this outta the way.
Take it over to the truck.
1134
01:16:41,838 --> 01:16:44,272
Bring them in.
Bring them on in.
1135
01:16:51,314 --> 01:16:54,511
Hey, the fire engines
are stopping here.
1136
01:16:54,584 --> 01:16:56,108
[Sniffs] Do you smell smoke?
1137
01:16:56,186 --> 01:16:59,246
No, I don't smell smoke.
The building isn't on fire.
1138
01:16:59,322 --> 01:17:01,620
- [Wheezing]
- Stop the wheezing, will you?
1139
01:17:01,691 --> 01:17:06,025
Please stop! First you wheeze,
then hiccup, then wheeze again!
1140
01:17:06,096 --> 01:17:08,656
You're enough to
drive anybody nuts!
1141
01:17:08,732 --> 01:17:10,700
- Oh, I am, am I?
- Yes!
1142
01:17:10,767 --> 01:17:13,167
Well, you're my boss.
1143
01:17:13,236 --> 01:17:15,101
Maybe I shouldn't say this,
1144
01:17:15,172 --> 01:17:18,369
but you've been complaining
ever since we've been up here.
1145
01:17:18,441 --> 01:17:20,705
If you don't like the way
I wheeze and hiccup,
1146
01:17:20,777 --> 01:17:23,268
why don't you go find
your own ledge to stand on?
1147
01:17:23,346 --> 01:17:25,541
- [Wheezing]
- What?
1148
01:17:32,255 --> 01:17:34,052
Maybe they're coming
to rescue us.
1149
01:17:34,124 --> 01:17:37,560
They're not coming to rescue us.
That's our news helicopter.
1150
01:17:37,627 --> 01:17:39,686
Our own network
is taking pictures of us?
1151
01:17:39,763 --> 01:17:41,754
[Wilbanks]
That's exactly what I mean.
1152
01:17:41,832 --> 01:17:45,097
We interrupt to bring you
a newscast of a suicide try
1153
01:17:45,168 --> 01:17:48,296
on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles.
1154
01:17:48,371 --> 01:17:51,807
Oh, isn't it sad how many nuts
are running around loose today?
1155
01:17:51,875 --> 01:17:53,740
It certainly is, sweetheart.
1156
01:17:53,810 --> 01:17:56,802
Our special UBC helicopter
enables us to bring you
1157
01:17:56,880 --> 01:17:59,940
an exclusive close-up view
of the pair attempting suicide.
1158
01:18:00,016 --> 01:18:02,075
These pictures,
live from the scene.
1159
01:18:02,152 --> 01:18:05,087
There you are.
Another first for UBC.
1160
01:18:08,825 --> 01:18:11,055
Oh, no!
1161
01:18:16,933 --> 01:18:19,800
Oh, now I've had experience
of this type of thing before.
1162
01:18:19,870 --> 01:18:22,236
Anything can make them
panicky and jump.
1163
01:18:22,305 --> 01:18:24,535
May I have the mike, please?
1164
01:18:24,608 --> 01:18:26,473
Now, gentlemen, remain calm.
1165
01:18:26,543 --> 01:18:28,670
No problem can't be solved.
1166
01:18:28,745 --> 01:18:31,179
Will you listen to me,
gentlemen, now? I repeat:
1167
01:18:31,248 --> 01:18:33,580
There is no problem
that cannot be solved.
1168
01:18:33,650 --> 01:18:35,777
- What'd he say?
- I don't know.
1169
01:18:35,852 --> 01:18:38,514
Sounds like some kind
of a foreign language.
1170
01:18:39,623 --> 01:18:41,352
Now, it must be very cold up there.
1171
01:18:41,424 --> 01:18:43,483
Why don't you go in
and get some coffee?
1172
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:46,188
It's Father O'Leary
from St. Timothy's.
1173
01:18:46,263 --> 01:18:47,594
What's he doing here?
1174
01:18:47,664 --> 01:18:50,599
He probably came over
to talk us out of suicide.
1175
01:18:50,667 --> 01:18:53,329
He can talk me out of it real easy.
1176
01:18:53,403 --> 01:18:55,234
Now hang on, men.
1177
01:18:55,305 --> 01:18:58,570
- Hang on for one more minute.
- The life net's ready now.
1178
01:18:58,642 --> 01:19:01,110
Oh, good. Very good.
Come with me, Vince.
1179
01:19:01,177 --> 01:19:04,203
Oh, I'm ruined. I'm ruined!
1180
01:19:04,281 --> 01:19:06,442
- [Wheezing]
- What's Crampton gonna say?
1181
01:19:06,516 --> 01:19:08,211
You lame brain.
1182
01:19:08,285 --> 01:19:11,743
You thick-skulled, pin-headed,
dim-witted bumbler!
1183
01:19:15,625 --> 01:19:17,650
- Hey, boss, look. A net.
- Huh?
1184
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:21,757
[Mertons] You don't suppose
they expect us to jump?
1185
01:19:21,831 --> 01:19:25,130
No, that's probably
just there for safety.
1186
01:19:25,201 --> 01:19:27,999
If Father O'Leary gets up here,
1187
01:19:28,071 --> 01:19:31,199
I'm gonna have him
sneak me out the back way.
1188
01:19:31,274 --> 01:19:35,176
I helped him with
his bazaar last year.
1189
01:19:35,245 --> 01:19:38,408
Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Stop right
where you are. Don't move!
1190
01:19:38,481 --> 01:19:41,575
- Father O'Leary!
- Where? [screaming]
1191
01:19:41,651 --> 01:19:44,176
[Wilbanks] I wanted
to go out the back way!
1192
01:19:44,254 --> 01:19:45,551
[Fireman] Over that way!
1193
01:19:45,622 --> 01:19:48,250
- That's it.
- [Screaming]
1194
01:19:50,327 --> 01:19:54,320
- [Chattering]
- [Man] Ease it over here.
1195
01:19:54,397 --> 01:19:56,922
[Chattering continues]
1196
01:19:57,000 --> 01:19:59,491
[Man] Why would he try
to commit suicide?
1197
01:20:01,237 --> 01:20:04,764
[Wilbanks] Get the chimp!
Get the chimp! It's not bananas!
1198
01:20:04,841 --> 01:20:06,570
It's not bananas,
it's the chimp!
1199
01:20:06,643 --> 01:20:09,976
He picks the shows, believe me.
He knows. It's the chimp.
1200
01:20:10,046 --> 01:20:13,482
Bananas don't have anything
to do with it. Get the chimp.
1201
01:20:13,550 --> 01:20:18,044
It's the chimp.
He's the one. Help! Help!
1202
01:20:19,022 --> 01:20:21,889
- [Engine starting]
- There was a chimp,
1203
01:20:21,958 --> 01:20:25,485
came down the building before
they discovered those guys up there.
1204
01:20:25,562 --> 01:20:27,223
It belonged to Steven Post.
1205
01:20:27,297 --> 01:20:29,527
Steven Post?
The TV wonder boy?
1206
01:20:29,599 --> 01:20:32,159
- There's the other one.
- This one was out with him.
1207
01:20:32,235 --> 01:20:34,032
[Cop] What were
you doing up there?
1208
01:20:34,104 --> 01:20:36,129
I was walking along on the tenth floor
1209
01:20:36,206 --> 01:20:38,106
and I seen
this nut out on the ledge.
1210
01:20:38,174 --> 01:20:41,007
So I went out there to try
to talk him out of jumping.
1211
01:20:41,077 --> 01:20:43,511
- Then this window got stuck...
- Wait a minute.
1212
01:20:43,580 --> 01:20:46,276
You didn't happen to see him.
You work for Wilbanks.
1213
01:20:46,349 --> 01:20:49,375
- Everyone knows that. Come on.
- Talk him out of jumping?
1214
01:20:49,452 --> 01:20:52,080
Please, what are you
talking about?
1215
01:20:52,155 --> 01:20:53,952
[Cop] All right!
Hold it! Hold it!
1216
01:20:54,024 --> 01:20:56,652
Look. We're gonna arrive
at the truth of this thing,
1217
01:20:56,726 --> 01:20:58,921
so you might as well tell us now.
1218
01:20:58,995 --> 01:21:03,625
Well, my boss wanted me to
help him get this kid's chimp.
1219
01:21:03,700 --> 01:21:07,033
The chimp belongs to Steven Post?
What'd he want him for?
1220
01:21:07,103 --> 01:21:10,334
- [Horn honks]
- Come on! Out with it!
1221
01:21:10,407 --> 01:21:12,773
Well, it sounds kinda crazy but,
1222
01:21:12,842 --> 01:21:16,141
my boss thinks the chimp
can pick the best TV shows.
1223
01:21:16,212 --> 01:21:19,670
Pretty funny, huh?
[Snorting, laughing]
1224
01:21:38,134 --> 01:21:39,726
- Excuse me!
- Yeah, what?
1225
01:21:39,803 --> 01:21:42,601
This story about a chimp
selecting our TV shows.
1226
01:21:42,672 --> 01:21:46,608
- What about it?
- Well, do you believe it?
1227
01:21:46,676 --> 01:21:50,339
Of course, I believe it.
I knew it all the time.
1228
01:21:52,315 --> 01:21:54,146
[Jackhammer starts]
1229
01:21:56,019 --> 01:21:57,452
Uh, madam?
1230
01:21:57,520 --> 01:22:00,921
What do you think of the rumor
of a chimp selecting our TV shows?
1231
01:22:00,990 --> 01:22:04,153
A chimp picking TV shows?
Ridiculous.
1232
01:22:04,227 --> 01:22:06,491
Well, you know
how those rumors get started.
1233
01:22:06,563 --> 01:22:08,190
- I know I...
- Wait a minute!
1234
01:22:08,264 --> 01:22:12,291
Those stations have been switching and
canceling my favorite shows for years.
1235
01:22:12,368 --> 01:22:14,859
Maybe a chimp
is behind this mess.
1236
01:22:14,938 --> 01:22:16,030
- Oh, no.
- It's a plot.
1237
01:22:16,106 --> 01:22:18,165
- You're all in on it.
- We have nothing...
1238
01:22:18,241 --> 01:22:20,971
I am so sick and tired
of liking a show
1239
01:22:21,044 --> 01:22:24,036
and having it pulled off
the air or put in another time.
1240
01:22:24,114 --> 01:22:25,775
- Madam...
- It drives you crazy.
1241
01:22:25,849 --> 01:22:29,945
I'm getting to the point, I'd like to
take the TV and throw it out the window.
1242
01:22:30,019 --> 01:22:32,214
The last show I liked,
they took off the air.
1243
01:22:32,288 --> 01:22:35,655
The minute I got to like it, off the
air. How do I know what happened?
1244
01:22:35,725 --> 01:22:37,420
I don't know what happened to John.
1245
01:22:44,968 --> 01:22:47,801
Has the man from the Justice
Department arrived yet?
1246
01:22:47,871 --> 01:22:49,532
- Everybody's here, sir.
- Good.
1247
01:22:49,606 --> 01:22:50,868
That's good.
1248
01:22:58,481 --> 01:23:01,177
[Pounding gavel]
1249
01:23:01,251 --> 01:23:03,947
Gentlemen, television
has had problems before.
1250
01:23:04,020 --> 01:23:06,284
We can work this one out
if we keep cool heads!
1251
01:23:06,356 --> 01:23:08,221
[Chattering]
1252
01:23:08,291 --> 01:23:11,055
"Keep cool heads."
1253
01:23:11,127 --> 01:23:15,962
Your Wilbanks says you've
got a monkey picking programs,
1254
01:23:16,032 --> 01:23:18,865
and you want us
to "keep cool heads."
1255
01:23:18,935 --> 01:23:21,733
- I was delirious.
- Don't give us that!
1256
01:23:21,804 --> 01:23:24,568
For ten years you've been
the third-rated network.
1257
01:23:24,641 --> 01:23:28,042
Suddenly, you jump to number one.
Now, there has to be a reason.
1258
01:23:28,111 --> 01:23:30,238
You don't have
the personnel to do that.
1259
01:23:30,313 --> 01:23:32,713
Just a minute.
I've plenty of personnel.
1260
01:23:32,782 --> 01:23:34,010
- I have...
- Oh, shut up.
1261
01:23:34,083 --> 01:23:36,984
Mr. Crampton.
We've had a tacit understanding
1262
01:23:37,053 --> 01:23:39,487
to share technological advances.
1263
01:23:39,556 --> 01:23:42,457
It seems to me that you've
betrayed that understanding.
1264
01:23:42,525 --> 01:23:45,085
- [Both] We have not.
- [Man] Just a minute.
1265
01:23:45,161 --> 01:23:47,595
I must speak
for the Justice Department.
1266
01:23:47,664 --> 01:23:51,430
We can have no understandings
between networks,
1267
01:23:51,501 --> 01:23:54,334
- tacit or otherwise.
- [Crampton] Oh, come on, Harry.
1268
01:23:54,404 --> 01:23:58,067
How can the Department call
a little chimpanzee a tech...
1269
01:23:58,141 --> 01:24:01,235
- So there's a chimp.
- Then there is a chimp?
1270
01:24:01,311 --> 01:24:03,279
[Chattering]
1271
01:24:03,346 --> 01:24:06,179
[Gavel pounds] Gentlemen, please.
1272
01:24:06,249 --> 01:24:08,479
Admittedly, there is a chimp.
1273
01:24:08,551 --> 01:24:10,485
[Crampton] And he does like TV.
1274
01:24:10,553 --> 01:24:13,351
And it seems he does
prefer the top-rated shows.
1275
01:24:13,423 --> 01:24:17,189
And he does go to the refrigerator
and get a beer during the commercials.
1276
01:24:17,260 --> 01:24:20,821
- [Commotion]
- [Man] Gentlemen!
1277
01:24:21,664 --> 01:24:26,931
If the American people ever
found out that a chimpanzee
1278
01:24:27,003 --> 01:24:32,168
was selecting programs,
it would be the end of TV.
1279
01:24:32,242 --> 01:24:33,800
Gentlemen.
1280
01:24:33,876 --> 01:24:37,710
I have a simple solution
to the whole problem.
1281
01:24:37,780 --> 01:24:42,649
- Yes?
- We must destroy the chimp.
1282
01:24:42,719 --> 01:24:45,654
[Man] Oh, no, no.
I can't see it at all.
1283
01:24:46,689 --> 01:24:49,283
- We can't do that.
- Oh, no. We couldn't...
1284
01:24:49,359 --> 01:24:53,386
Why, we'd have those societies for the
prevention of things all over our backs.
1285
01:24:53,463 --> 01:24:55,795
That would be the end
of our dog food accounts.
1286
01:24:55,865 --> 01:24:59,392
- I think I have an idea.
- I hope it's better than the bananas.
1287
01:24:59,469 --> 01:25:01,630
It's practical and humane.
1288
01:25:01,704 --> 01:25:04,798
You see, a chimp belongs in a
jungle, not in a network office.
1289
01:25:04,874 --> 01:25:07,342
We know that, Dr. Schmidt.
That's the problem.
1290
01:25:07,410 --> 01:25:10,607
What we do is buy the chimp,
return him to the jungle.
1291
01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:13,444
He'll be happy, the networks
will continue on as usual
1292
01:25:13,516 --> 01:25:16,383
and we will be rid of
Steven Post once and for all!
1293
01:25:16,452 --> 01:25:18,352
Brilliant, Schmidt, brilliant.
1294
01:25:18,421 --> 01:25:20,582
Bravo! Beautiful!
That's the one.
1295
01:25:20,657 --> 01:25:24,855
We certainly have the money.
And every man has his price.
1296
01:25:24,927 --> 01:25:27,395
[Chattering]
1297
01:25:30,833 --> 01:25:35,031
So that's what they think, huh?
Every man's got his price.
1298
01:25:35,104 --> 01:25:37,971
Well, don't worry. I don't.
1299
01:25:38,875 --> 01:25:41,776
Steve, why don't we take him
and blow this place?
1300
01:25:41,844 --> 01:25:43,243
Forget this whole rat race.
1301
01:25:43,313 --> 01:25:46,077
I don't want them
to put him in a jungle.
1302
01:25:46,149 --> 01:25:50,916
Jen, they can't get to me.
I can't be bought.
1303
01:25:52,121 --> 01:25:55,147
$500,000.
1304
01:25:56,326 --> 01:25:57,725
Right.
1305
01:25:58,928 --> 01:26:02,591
$500,000. That's a...
That's a lot of money.
1306
01:26:02,665 --> 01:26:06,362
Well, of course it's a lot of money.
How can you even hesitate?
1307
01:26:06,436 --> 01:26:09,462
- Well, I don't know...
- Your future is on the line.
1308
01:26:09,539 --> 01:26:10,836
Now you listen to this.
1309
01:26:10,907 --> 01:26:13,569
You turn us down,
you'll never work again.
1310
01:26:13,643 --> 01:26:17,204
Come on. Be smart, boy.
1311
01:26:18,848 --> 01:26:21,408
- I, uh... I have a problem.
- A problem?
1312
01:26:21,484 --> 01:26:24,112
Yes, sir. You see, someone else
is involved and I...
1313
01:26:24,187 --> 01:26:26,382
Son, no more bickering.
All right.
1314
01:26:26,456 --> 01:26:29,721
This will be our final offer.
Take it or leave it.
1315
01:26:29,792 --> 01:26:31,851
One million dollars.
1316
01:26:39,469 --> 01:26:41,960
One million dollars.
1317
01:27:04,293 --> 01:27:06,488
You did it.
1318
01:27:07,163 --> 01:27:10,860
- You took the money.
- One million dollars, Jen.
1319
01:27:12,101 --> 01:27:14,331
You know what they're
going to do with him.
1320
01:27:14,937 --> 01:27:16,666
It was take it or leave it.
1321
01:27:16,739 --> 01:27:20,402
Besides, maybe a chimp
does belong in the jungle.
1322
01:27:21,944 --> 01:27:24,344
- Not that one.
- Jen.
1323
01:27:25,248 --> 01:27:30,151
We can get married now.
We've got everything.
1324
01:27:31,988 --> 01:27:34,616
I thought we did for a while.
1325
01:27:35,925 --> 01:27:37,290
Now we have nothing.
1326
01:27:40,296 --> 01:27:43,288
I don't even think
I like you very much anymore.
1327
01:27:53,676 --> 01:27:56,236
[Men chattering]
1328
01:28:19,869 --> 01:28:22,497
[Soft hooting]
1329
01:28:43,059 --> 01:28:47,189
[Mertons] Boss. What I don't
understand is why do you have to go?
1330
01:28:47,263 --> 01:28:50,198
Well, it's just
too important a mission
1331
01:28:50,266 --> 01:28:52,496
to trust to, uh, underlings.
1332
01:28:52,568 --> 01:28:55,128
Yeah, but all
the other networks are here.
1333
01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:58,367
Oh, I get it.
You don't trust each other.
1334
01:28:58,441 --> 01:29:00,272
[Snorting, laughing]
1335
01:29:00,343 --> 01:29:02,641
Well, of course
we trust each other.
1336
01:29:02,712 --> 01:29:05,647
Where would you get
a ridiculous idea like that?
1337
01:29:05,715 --> 01:29:09,310
It's just that we're getting together
to have a little, uh, outing.
1338
01:29:09,385 --> 01:29:12,047
Yes. And you're in charge
while we're gone.
1339
01:29:12,121 --> 01:29:14,851
Me in charge?
You're kidding?
1340
01:29:14,924 --> 01:29:17,358
We've never been more serious!
1341
01:29:17,426 --> 01:29:20,293
Well, what am I supposed to do?
1342
01:29:20,363 --> 01:29:24,060
Absolutely nothing. If anyone asks a
question, you don't know the answer.
1343
01:29:24,133 --> 01:29:26,499
[Crampton]
Anyone wants a decision, stall.
1344
01:29:26,569 --> 01:29:29,970
Don't do anything at all!
Do you think you can handle that?
1345
01:29:30,039 --> 01:29:32,030
Yeah.
1346
01:29:42,251 --> 01:29:43,843
Now what?
1347
01:29:47,290 --> 01:29:50,259
Uh, Mr. Wilbanks,
can I talk to you for a minute?
1348
01:29:50,326 --> 01:29:52,590
- About what?
- Well, uh...
1349
01:29:52,662 --> 01:29:55,290
You see, I was wondering
if maybe you'd reconsider.
1350
01:29:55,364 --> 01:29:58,424
I give you the million dollars back,
you give me the chimp?
1351
01:29:58,501 --> 01:30:02,562
Well, certainly not, Post.
Are you crazy? A deal is a deal.
1352
01:30:02,638 --> 01:30:06,369
- That's all there is to it!
- Of all the nerve!
1353
01:30:08,210 --> 01:30:10,110
[Horn honking]
1354
01:30:11,080 --> 01:30:13,173
[Brakes squealing]
1355
01:30:20,022 --> 01:30:23,048
[Airplane engine starting, idling]
1356
01:30:42,612 --> 01:30:43,943
[Roger] All set, Uncle.
1357
01:30:44,013 --> 01:30:47,972
Mertons is in charge till we get
back. Help him all you can.
1358
01:30:49,285 --> 01:30:51,310
Mertons is in charge?
1359
01:30:56,859 --> 01:30:59,555
Now, open the door, Roger.
1360
01:31:24,086 --> 01:31:25,917
Gee, I'm sorry, Steve.
1361
01:31:25,988 --> 01:31:28,582
But I guess you
can't have everything.
1362
01:31:29,592 --> 01:31:33,221
Boy, I'd sure do it different
if I had another chance.
1363
01:31:50,046 --> 01:31:52,537
Boy, you gentlemen sure
picked an isolated spot.
1364
01:31:52,615 --> 01:31:55,516
I don't think this place
has ever been explored.
1365
01:31:55,584 --> 01:31:58,485
Well, uh, don't worry,
about the chimp.
1366
01:31:58,554 --> 01:32:00,715
He's used to
fending for himself.
1367
01:32:00,790 --> 01:32:02,690
Okay, if you'll clear this area,
1368
01:32:02,758 --> 01:32:06,524
I'm gonna open this and there's gonna
be suction. I don't want to lose you.
1369
01:32:06,595 --> 01:32:08,756
Right. We'll watch it from back there.
1370
01:32:08,831 --> 01:32:12,130
[Captain] Okay, uh, take it easy
back there, huh, gentlemen?
1371
01:32:12,201 --> 01:32:15,398
And by all means, uh, don't
touch any of those levers.
1372
01:32:15,471 --> 01:32:19,066
Don't worry about that chute. It's
guaranteed to open in ten seconds.
1373
01:32:19,709 --> 01:32:21,609
Oh! Don't touch that lever. Oh.
1374
01:32:21,677 --> 01:32:24,703
That's a no-no. Ooh.
Don't do that. No, no, no.
1375
01:32:24,780 --> 01:32:27,146
- Are you comfortable, chief?
- Just fine.
1376
01:32:27,216 --> 01:32:29,480
As soon as the chimp is out,
we'll have lunch.
1377
01:32:29,552 --> 01:32:31,486
- Oh, that'll be nice.
- All right.
1378
01:32:31,554 --> 01:32:33,249
Here we go. Open up.
1379
01:32:33,322 --> 01:32:36,553
[Wind whistling]
Out we go. Jump. Jump.
1380
01:32:36,625 --> 01:32:38,923
- [Raffles grunting]
- When you throw him out,
1381
01:32:38,994 --> 01:32:41,827
be sure you throw him far enough
so he's in the pictures!
1382
01:32:41,897 --> 01:32:44,525
- Here we go. Out we go. No?
- [Screeching]
1383
01:32:44,600 --> 01:32:47,296
- Will you throw him out?
- I don't think he wants to go.
1384
01:32:47,369 --> 01:32:50,736
I don't think he wants to go.
Put your foot out. Here we go.
1385
01:32:50,806 --> 01:32:53,741
- Get rid of him!
- Foot up. Come on. Get out.
1386
01:33:00,583 --> 01:33:02,949
Oh, Mr. Crampton!
1387
01:33:03,018 --> 01:33:06,078
Oh, Mr. Crampton!
1388
01:33:36,585 --> 01:33:39,076
[Captain] I think I can
explain this, guys.
1389
01:33:39,155 --> 01:33:43,683
We were cruising up there
at 2,000 feet, and the wind...
1390
01:33:48,430 --> 01:33:50,625
[dialing phone]
1391
01:34:03,212 --> 01:34:06,272
Hello? Oh, Steve!
1392
01:34:06,348 --> 01:34:09,215
[Mertons] Yeah. Yeah. I...
1393
01:34:09,285 --> 01:34:12,652
I seem to be calling
for a friend of yours.
1394
01:34:12,721 --> 01:34:15,554
Say, uh, this is gonna be
hard to believe
1395
01:34:15,624 --> 01:34:18,320
but you remember that chance
you were talking about?
1396
01:34:18,394 --> 01:34:21,192
Well, ya got it!
[Snorting, laughing]
1397
01:34:21,263 --> 01:34:23,390
Yeah! [snorting, laughing]
1398
01:34:23,465 --> 01:34:27,196
It was that simple. I gave Mertons
the million, and he gave me the chimp.
1399
01:34:27,269 --> 01:34:29,703
It must have been tough
to give up all that money.
1400
01:34:29,772 --> 01:34:33,833
Mertons needed it to finance a force
to find Wilbanks and the rest of them.
1401
01:34:33,909 --> 01:34:37,345
You know, when you think about
it, it wasn't even my money.
1402
01:34:37,413 --> 01:34:40,473
It was yours. He's your chimp.
1403
01:34:40,549 --> 01:34:43,643
You mean, I gave up
a million bucks?
1404
01:34:43,719 --> 01:34:46,119
[Chuckles] Yep.
1405
01:34:46,188 --> 01:34:50,318
You know what, Steve? I don't
even think we're gonna miss it.
1406
01:34:50,392 --> 01:34:52,189
[Woman on TV]
And now an exclusive.
1407
01:34:52,261 --> 01:34:54,957
Steven Post,
television's man of the year,
1408
01:34:55,030 --> 01:34:58,727
resigned his position today
as vice president of UBC,
1409
01:34:58,801 --> 01:35:01,361
and took as his bride,
Miss Jennifer Scott,
1410
01:35:01,437 --> 01:35:04,372
his private secretary
and childhood sweetheart.
1411
01:35:04,440 --> 01:35:06,840
Their honeymoon destination
is unknown,
1412
01:35:06,909 --> 01:35:09,002
but wherever they go,
their many friends
1413
01:35:09,078 --> 01:35:12,377
wish this storybook couple
the storybook ending:
1414
01:35:12,448 --> 01:35:15,645
That they live
happily ever after.
1415
01:35:16,305 --> 01:35:22,739
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from SubtitleDB.org
114025
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.