All language subtitles for Step.By.Step.S04E18.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Man, that is incredible.

You are the luckiest guy
in the world.

Congratulations, Dave.

Yeah, I'm really happy for you.

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Yeah, take care.

Dirtbag.

Whoa, talk about
Captain Moodswing, huh.
[CHUCKLES]

What crawled up your shorts
and died?

This jerk I went to
high school with

just got hired as a
management trainee
at General Motors.

Oh, wow. Is that like
one of those college
work study programs?

-Yeah.
-Oh man,
those things are raging, man.

You get like college credit.

you get a shot at
one of those jobs where
they pay you tons of dough

and you don't have to do squat.
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I know,
I'm perfect for that.

CODY: Yeah. [LAUGHING]

I don't know, Cody.
I feel like I'm going nowhere.

Well, let's review your life,
okay? Now,

since high school,

you got a job washing cars

where you make slightly
less money than, say,

a paperboy, right?

You still live at home,

where you sponge off
your parents, and, uh,

you share a bunk bed
with a ten year old.

Dude, sounds like nowhere to me.

Man, that is totally unfair.

How come Dave's
a management trainee
and I'm nowhere?

Well, Dude, isn't it obvious?
He's going to college.

I mean, hey,

if you want a shot
at one of those
high paying fast end jobs,

you gotta go to school too.

Oh, man, I hate school.

Dude, school's killer, man.
It enriches your mind.
That's why I'm going.

Dudesie, rainbow. [GIGGLES]

Man, I can't believe
I'm actually thinking about

going back to school,
voluntarily.

Dude, you're gonna love college,
man.

Look, dig it, they got
millions of cool books,

they got these really
gnarly professors, like,

if you got any problem
with anything,

killer student store

where you can get a
rad bubble gun
just like this one.

Dude, I love higher education.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ To say my Lord

♪ I think
I've found someone

♪ You know
It will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
Putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around

♪ Step by step

WOMAN:
♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

MAN:
♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

Alright, now listen up.

We're gonna need some quiet.

That's right,
the college students
are about to delve

into the bowels of knowledge.

Cody, we're the only ones home
right now.

[YELLING] Never mind.

You know, I can't believe
they actually let
JT into a college.

It must be part of the

"Aid to the
Chronically Stupid" program.

Oh, go sniff a hydrant, Barky.

If you can get into the college,
so can I.

Alright, JT, dude,
what do you got for homework?

I have to read
the first chapter
in "Economic Basics."

JT, that's

"Basic Economics,"
not "Economic Basics."

Here's a helpful hint
for college, learn to read.

Well, uh, here's a
helpful hint for life,

eat my shorts.

[BOTH LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY]

Alright, okay, crack the books
and put your brains in turbo.

JT, dude, what are you doing?

I'm taking a break.

From what? Opening the book?
[CHUCKLES]

I can't concentrate.
You guys are
breathing too loud.

I'm gonna go upstairs
and study in my room.

Uh, hey, cuz,

you might want to
take your book with you,
you know.

Oh, yeah.

You know, JT, here's an idea.
Why don't you

sit on the book? So that way,
it'll be closer to your brain.

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Sorry, dude.

That was a good one.

MARK: I do not.
GABRIELLE: You do too.

-I do not.
-You--

-Mr. Lambert.
-Yeah?

Will you settle an argument
for us?

Oh, sure. What is it?

Doesn't Mark look exactly like
a young Arnold Schwarzenegger?

How young?

You know what I mean.

Look at him. He's a hunk.

That washboard stomach,

that, that massive chest,

those bands of steel,
he calls arms.

Gabby, let me see those glasses,
would you ?

Yeah, I'd have
this prescription checked,

because I'm, uh,

I'm just not seeing
Schwarzenegger.

See, I told you.
I look nothing like
Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Stallone, maybe.

Especially after I pump iron.

Mark, I'd check your
own prescription while
I was at it.

-Oh, Frank,
-Huh?

I have something really great
planned for next Tuesday night.

Well, alright, [CHUCKLES]

I just got my Zorro costume
back from the dry cleaners.

We are meeting with some people
from a very

prestigious pre school.

Pre school? For who?

For the baby.

Oh, gee, honey,

don't you think
you're rushing things,
here? I mean,

the kid is still
living in fluid.

Frank, if you want to
get your child into
the best schools,

you have to get them
on the waiting list, early.

And they just don't take
anybody at the Sutton Academy.

The Sutton Academy,

it's the name of a pre school?

Whatever happened to names like,
"Miss Daisy's Ducky Room".

Oh, Frank,

I mean, nowadays,
pre-schools are so much more

than just a babysitting service.

You know at the Sutton Academy,

they have a computer room,
they have a science lab, and

a "Theater in the Round"
so that they can

perform Shakespeare.

Shakespeare in diapers?

What is that?
"To poop or not to poop?"

Frank, it's a very competitive
world out there

and you have to give your child

every educational advantage
that you can

Carol, all my kids

went to Miss Daisy's Ducky Room

They spent all their time
gluing macaroni

on paper plates,
and they turned out just fine.

Dad,

can you help me?

I got stuck
in the trash can again.

Son, how many times
have I told you?

If you drop a cookie,
don't go in after it.

Alright, same as last time.
Here we go. [GRUNTS]

And one, two,

three.

Oh, I see, it was a macaroon.
Well, of course

Hey, Cody.

Hey, Dana,
want to give me a hand?

Sure. What, do you want me to
hold that down
while you tie it?

No, want some applause, man.

I did such a killer job
wrapping this present.
Look at that.

[CLAPPING]
CODY: Thank you, thank you,
very much.

Who's that for?

JT. Man, I bought him
an "East Wis U" sweatshirt.

You know, he had his
first test today.

I think he aced it.

Aced it?

You saw the way he studies.

He's got the attention span
of an ant.

And not one of the smart ants.

Like, if there wasn't
another ant in front of him,

he wouldn't find his way back
to the hill.

No, JT's smart,

-just not in a way
everybody can tell.
-[DANA SIGHS]

Like, you know, kinda like,
you're sweet,
only nobody can tel.

So, JT, dude,
how'd the test go?

I flunked.

Oh, wow, dude.

Well, that's okay, man.
It was only your first tent.

I mean, hey, you'll do better
on it next time.

Forget it, Cody.
There isn't going to be
a next time, okay?

I can't study.
I'm too stupid for college.

I better get good at
washing cars,

because that's what
I'm going to be doing
for the rest of my life.

Frank, what are you doing?
I just ironed that couch.

I am looking for my
fishing magazine, honey.
I can't find it.

Oh, I threw it out.

You threw it out?

Frank, the people from
The Sutton Academy

are coming over tonight and
I want them to think that

we're intelligent people, not...

...catfish people.

Now, listen, Carol,
I'm not going to put on some

phoney baloney act

just to impress some
fancy pants pre school.

Well, I'm not asking you
to be phoney.

I'm asking you to be yourself.

Except for one thing.

What?

Would you mind changing
your belt buckle?

What's wrong with
my belt buckle?

Well, nothing,

if you're heavyweight champion
of the world.

It's just that some people
think that those
big belt buckles are gaudy.

and I want to
make a good impression.

Carol, if they're
not going to let our kid

into Sutton Academy because

of my belt buckle,
then the heck with them.

-[DOOR BELL RINGS]
-Oh, that's them. Now please,

-please be nice, okay?
-I'll be nice.
I promise I'll be nice.

Well, hi, I'm Carol Lambert.

Veronica Preston.
Sutton Academy.
We spoke on the phone.

Yes, how nice to meet you.
And you must be Mr. Smith.

Uh, that's Smythe.

Smythe. Well, that's... nythe.

[GIGGLES]

[STAMMERS]

Uh, and,
and this is my husband, Frank.

Uh, how you doing?
Hey, come on in
and take a load off.

Boy, it's cold out there,
you're going to want to
warm right up.

-Have a seat, buddy.
-Thank you.

Uh, would you like some
lemon meringue pie?

I made it myself.

Homemade pie,

how quaint.

No, thank you.

The purpose of this interview is

to find out about
your background and

to assess your home environment,

uh, in terms of
what kind of child
might live here.

Oh, well,
if I do say so myself,

I think that we have a

wonderful home environment, and

we've raised some
very special children.

Dad, Carol, check this out.

Brendan can drink milk
upside down

and blow snot bubbles
out his nose.

[SPITS]

Uh, kids, we have company.

It's not really time to do
any of your milk tricks, okay?

Yes, so why don't you two
run upstairs and
read the encyclopedia.

Why would we do that?

To satisfy your
thirst for knowledge.

I don't have a
thirst for knowledge.

I'll explain it all later.
Just go upstairs, okay?

Oh, they just love milk.

[CHUCKLING] Brain food,
you know.

Shall we begin?

CAROL: Oh, God, yes.

Okay, I'll be administering
the verbal section
of the interview.

What's Sherlock Holmes doing?

Gathering data to assess your
home's cultural environment.

Paperbacks.

Minus ten.

Now where's he going?

The kitchen.

We must make sure
your food has the
proper nutritional value

for a growing child.

I've got your nutritional value.

Alright, question one.

What was the
last cultural event

that you and
your family attended?

Uh, honey,
I'll let you take this one.

Uh, cultural event. Uh, well,

you know,
we have been to so many,

it's hard to pick just one.

But, um, recently,
I'd say it was the, urn,

uh, ballet.

The ballet?

Was I there?

Well, it wasn't

technically a ballet, it was,

urn, more like,
like ice dancing.

Oh, "Snoopy On Ice?"
Yeah, yeah,

I guess that is cultural,
because they took that show
right to Russia.

[SMITHE CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, Ms. Preston,

may I see you for a moment
in the, uh,

"library?"

Excuse me.

We've got trouble here.

These people subscribe
to a fishing magazine.

Well, what do you expect
from a family

where the husband
wears a belt buckle,
the size of Texas.

So you had enough?

Oh, yeah.

What is wrong with you people?

Is this the way you
welcome people to
the Sutton Academy?

No, actually,

it's the way we let you know
you're not welcome.

I'm sorry but we're simply

not interested in educating
one of your...

..."special" children.

Okay,

listen up, Ms. Prissbag.

Our family may not read
the right magazines,

or go to the
right cultural events,

but at least we have manners.

You have been looking down

your pointy little nose at us
ever since you walked
in this door.

You insulted my husband,

you insulted my kids.

You even insulted my pie,

which I made just to be
nice to you people.

Better watch it, Ms. Preston,

she's got a pie in her hands.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, simply, that
people of your particular class

have a tendency to get physical
when they're upset.

Oh? [CHUCKLES]

So you are saying that

I am so low class that even

though I am angry,
I might lower myself

to shove this pie in your face?

-Frankly, yes.
-Good call.

Well, I think my wife
pretty well speaks
for the both of us. So, uh,

why don't you run along?
I'm sure you've got
a whole lot of interviews

you haven't done yet.
And believe me, if you're
ever in the neighborhood,

just stop right back, okay?
Because, golly, my wife's
always baking something.

God, that was beautiful.

Ooh, they made me so mad.

Oh, honey, I think you need to
do something

to work off that pent up anger

-of yours.
-Yeah, what?

Yeah, well, does the name Zorro
mean anything to you.

En garde.

-[ZORRO MUSIC]
-Grab the pie.

Hey, guys.

Yo, JT, dude,

I've been thinking about
why you flunked that test today

and I think
I got it figured out.

What's there to figure out?
I'm stupid.

No, dude, you're not stupid,
man. It's just,

your brain's all flabby,

you know,
from being out of school
this semester.

What you need is somebody
to beat your brains back
into shape for you.

[CHUCKLES] I'm just the guy
for the job?

Forget it, Cody,
you're wasting your time.

Don't make me thump on you,
dude.

Alright, let's get it over with.

Cool, now, dig it.

I broke your first chapter down
into sections.

Now, you just read
the first section and, uh,

tell me what your read.

JT: Fine.

Hey, Cody, I need your advice.

Cool.

As you know, Gabrielle
and I have a rather

hot relationship.

Yeah. You guys got the monster
"Love Jones" going.

You see, that's the problem.

We're having trouble
controlling ourselves.

Our brains are saying,
"slow down,"

while our hormones are saying,
"put the pedal to the metal."

Yeah, I hear you, little cuz.

Hey, come here,
grab a seat, man.

Now, look,

your problem is no different
from any other dilemma

that every young couple
has faced. Okay?

Now, my suggestion is like,

uh, try a rousing game
of ping pong. You know,

that way you guys get to
work up a sweat,

you know, and, uh,
get rid of some of that
excess energy.

And you still got a safety net
between the two of you,

alright?

Okay, I'm finished.

Right on, so,

tell me what you read.

I can't.

Ah, sure you can.

No, Cody, I mean,

I read the words, but
nothing gets into my brain.

Oh, come on, JT, man,
you're just goofing off.

I'm not goofing off. Man,

I'm sick of this.
How come every time

I'm having trouble in school,
someone thinks I'm goofing off?

Well, let's face it, man.
You're not even trying.

I am too trying.
I could read this stupid
"Economic Basics" book.

a hundred times
and it still wouldn't
make any sense.

Yeah, right.

you're not even focusing
on the name of the book.

Man, the title is
"Basic Economics."

I mean, like, what are you,
dyslexic or something.

Get off my back, Cody.

The title is "Economic Basics."

It says so right here.

Man,

I could have sworn
I had it right.

Cody may be on to something.

Transposing words is
one of the key symptoms
to dyslexia.

Dude, maybe you should
see a doctor.

Get tested.

Great, just what I need,
another test.

Mother, do we really
have to all be here?

Yes. When JT gets back
from the doctor,

I want him to know that
we all really care about him.

What if we don't care about him?

Fake it.

What's dilexia anyway?

No, no, no, no, honey.
It's dyslexia.

It's a learning disability that
makes it hard to read.

Something happens between
the eye and the brain

and things get mixed up.

Wow. That sounds pretty bad.

Not really. If you know
you have dyslexia,
you can deal with it.

There are special techniques
you can use,

classes you can take,

and even some schools
will give you extra time
to finish your work.

The way I see it,
it's one of two things.
I mean, like,

number one, JT's got dyslexia,

okay? So he's got to work
a little bit harder,

but he can lead a
perfectly normal life.

Number two,

JT doesn't have dyslexia.

No matter how hard he works

and studies, he'll always be
dumb as dirt.

Great news, everybody.

The doctor says I have dyslexia.

CAROL: Oh, Yeah!

Oh, I knew it. I knew
you couldn't be that stupid.

Well, you all know what I mean.

See, Al, I told you
JT had dyslexia

and he's not an idiot.

You owe me ten bucks.

I can't believe it.
My own sister bet
that I was an idiot.

Hey, it looked like easy money.

Well, my first born son

is not brain dead and
that calls for a celebration.

Yeah, and I have most of the
lemon meringue pie left,

CAROL: so let's go
to the kitchen.
FRANK: Ah, right!

CODY: [LAUGHING] Ahhh.

Hold on there, Cisco.

We still got some work to do
before we celebrate.

-Work?
-Yeah,

Basic Economics. Yeah!

What do you think?
Now that you got dyslexia,

you got an excuse to goof off.

Now you gotta work even harder.

Harder?! Oh, man.
I liked it better when
people thought I was stupid.

[CHUCKLNG] Yeah, sure you did.

Hey, it's the lovebirds.

What are you guys doing?

Working off our passion.

We tried playing ping pong, but

Gabrielle kept trying to
jump the net.

I'm only human.

It's really exciting
walking with you, Mark.

Watching your athletic body

cut through the winter air like
a hot knife through butter.

Well,
you weren't so bad yourself.

Your hot, sexy breath

coming out in steamy bursts,

fogging up my glasses.

I love you, Gabrielle.

I love you, Mark.

Okay, alright,
power walk time, guys.

Okay, yeah,

let's get out there
in the good old fresh oxygen.

[CHUCKLES] Come on now.

Okay, one, two.

You don't hold hands
when you walk.

Hey, none of that, either!

Okay, that's it,

separate sides of the street,
you two!

Woof, they got it bad.