Original subtitles

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Good morning, sweethearts!

ALL: [GRUMBLING] Yeah.

[SIGHS] Frank? Huh?

I had the greatest idea when I was lying in bed this morning.

Well, why didn't you wake me up?

Honey, I wake you up when I get good ideas in bed.

Like the time about the gladiator and--

Oh, hey, hey, hey!

No mating talk. We're eating here.

Anyway, I figured out where we can put the baby.

Why don't we build a nursery next to our bedroom that extends over the garage?

Oh, that's a great... I got some lumber left over

from the remodel of Sparky's Tavern.

Excuse me. Am I hearing right?

You two are gonna build a separate room for this kid,

while the rest of us are living three to a cell?

Yep. Pretty much.

Man, that is totally unfair.

Man, the kid's gonna be the size of a guinea pig.

It doesn't need a whole room.

Can't we just drain the fish tank and stick him in there?

Al, I don't think so.

You know, in some tribal cultures,

the youngest child sleeps with the parents until it's eight years old.

Well, Mark, here's how it works in my tribal culture.

Nobody sleeps in my bed except myself and my wife

and occasionally you during a thunderstorm.

I still say it's unfair for the baby to get its own room.

I say we should have a vote.

A vote?

Dana, this is not the U.N. We don't vote.

I'm the king, she's the queen, you're all peasants.

Now go eat your gruel. Go on, go on.

Wait. Now, wait, wait, wait a minute, Frank.

I don't want to run the family like a dictatorship.

[SIGHS]

Now, why don't you kids come up with an idea you can all agree on.

Honey, they can't even agree on pizza.

Sure we can. We like pepperoni.

No, we don't. We like mushrooms.

Yeah, don't you know anything?

I know you wet your pants when there's thunder.

Shut up.

Don't tell my sister to shut up.

I warned you about that. You're a little punk.

[ALL ARGUING LOUDLY]

Oh yeah, this democracy thing is gonna work real well.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

♪ You know it will be better

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

MAN: ♪ Second time around ♪

CODY: Yeah...

Cody, you're cooking.

Yeah, totally.

Oh, Cody, you didn't run over another possum, did you?

Oh, no, this isn't roadkill, Uncle Frank.

Although, I've been dying to try out that new Highway Helper cookbook.

No, this is my Texas Kick-Butt Chili.

Well, it smells delicious. What's the occasion?

Oh, dude, you're never gonna guess who's coming to town.

George Humphries!

Where do we know George Humphries from?

My childhood.

[SCOFFS] Dude, he was my best friend all through junior high.

Talk about him all the time.

I've never heard you talk about him.

Really?

Dude, probably just talk about him in my head.

Oh, anyway, listen, George called me up this morning

and said he was gonna be in town, you know, performing in a motorcycle show.

Check it out, dude jumped over eight buses.

Eight buses? That's fantastic.

Yeah, not when you're trying to clear nine.

Yeah, dude took a thumping.

Well, it'll be nice to meet one of your boyhood friends.

Yeah...

[SCREECHING AND CLANGING FROM OUTSIDE]

Sounds like George now.

I'm gonna get him some ice cream. George loves ice cream.

Right. There we go.

Whoa!

Dude, this is not a good day for George.

Hold on. Hey, Georgie boy, let me help you up there.

Hey. I'm okay. I'm okay.

[YELLS AND GROANS] I'm okay.

[SIGHS] Hi, I'm George Humphries.

I'd shake your hand, but I think I dislocated my shoulder.

Oh, let me get that for you, George.

It's an old football injury. Happens all the time.

[LAUGHS] Ready? [GROANS]

One, two...

[YELLS IN PAIN] Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Nobody does it like the Codeman.

I'm Frank Lambert. I'm Cody's uncle.

Oh. How do you do? And this is my wife, Carol.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Hey, you went to junior high with Cody?

Oh...

Is she on some kind of medication?

Hey, uh, Carol, you might not have noticed,

but, uh, George's got a couple a decades on me.

Well, you said you were best friends in junior high so...

Oh, yeah, yeah, when I was in junior high.

See, George and his wife, Marge,

they drove the ice cream truck down by the park.

George turned me on to my first ice cream headache.

Hey, ready for a trip down memory lane, George?

Ooh, butter pecan. The king of pain.

[SIGHING]

Go for it. All right.

[BOTH YELL IN PAIN]

Oh!

BOTH: Dude!

I'm beginning to understand the special bond you two have with each other.

Yeah. Yeah, Cody and me go way back.

He's like the son I never had.

Yeah, me and George, we did all them father and son things together, man.

We got shot out of cannons, wrestled alligators...

We even took a turn at snake handling.Yeah.

I tell you, you haven't lived 'til you've had a green mamba up your shorts.

Does your wife also enjoy putting snakes up her shorts or is this just a guy thing?

No, no, uh, Marge never came along on our little adventures.

She's kind of a homebody. She likes to cook and sew,

and work on the trapeze act.

Hey, you know I'd love to see Marge, man.

Is she cruising by later in the Winnebego?

Oh, no, no, man. She's visiting her mother.

You know, women stuff.

Uh, hey, come on, let's have a toast to the good old days.

Yeah. To old friends,

ice cream headaches and living on the edge!

All right! Yeah.

[BOTH GROANING]

[BOTH SIGHING] Dude.

Gotta love that. [LAUGHS]

Carol, I made a rough drawing of the baby's room. I think you're gonna like it.

Ooh, I hope it has lots of windows.

Yeah. Ta-dah!

Oh, it does. Yeah, honey, I did that for you.

I figured, if you're gonna be in there night after night,

changing diapers while I'm sleeping, the least I can do

is put in a big window so you can see the moon.

[KISSES AND LAUGHS]

Frank, are you under the impression that I'm the only one

who's going to be in there changing diapers?

Of course, honey, who else would do it?

Well, either you, or my new husband.

Mom, I've got some, uh, boring school papers I need you to sign.

Yeah? What kind of papers?

Oh, you know, medical release,

field trip slip, that kind of thing.

Hmm. Just sign by the X's.

Okay. And there.

Okay, sign right here. Well, let me see.

No, no, no, it's okay. Just sign them, Mom.

Karen, let me... Karen! It's all right, Mom.

Karen, this is a binding contract that says I promise to build you a new room.

Really? Why would the school send you that?

Karen, if we build you a new room, where's the baby going to sleep?

Oh, is that fish tank thing out?

Thank you for your input, Karen. Now go away.

Thanks for nothing.

You know, I broke a nail typing up these papers.

Carol, Dad...

I got the solutions to all your problems.

You're movin' out?

Well, in a way.

I got a presentation that's gonna knock your socks off.

Come on in the kitchen,'kay? Hurry. Come on, come on.

Oh, boy, this is gonna be good.

Your kids are the smart ones.

So, here it is,

the new room you're gonna build for me.

What do you think?

I think you are a very sick child.

JT, this looks like the Playboy Mansion.

Exactly. They did a whole photo spread on it in the November issue...

Of Architectural Digest.

I'm very glad to see you're interested in how things are built.

Here it is.

You got your jacuzzi, your king-size waterbed,

your 75 inch home theatre screen,

complete with laser disc and Dolby Surround Sound.

JT, what makes you think I'm going to build this massage parlor for you?

Come on, Dad, face it.

The day's gonna come when you're just so old,

you'll spend all your time rocking on the porch, looking for your teeth.

You take care of me now, and I'll take care of you later.

I am touched by your sentiment, son.

So I'm going to give you a head start before I load my shotgun.

So what are you saying, I don't get the new room?

No. Where's the baby supposed to sleep?

Is that fish tank thing out?

JT, you might want to notify the other kids that

we are not putting a baby in a small glass box.

Aw, man, this stinks. I'm the oldest male and I still don't get my own room.

If I were a gorilla, I'd just take it.

If he were a gorilla, he'd do better in school.

I heard that.

Hey, Cody, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm getting my van ready while George is taking a shower.

See, when I got out-of-town guests, man, I sleep in the tent,

let the road-weary traveler stay in the Club Codeman.

How come you're putting a mint on his pillow?

Oh, well, see, when you stay at the Club Codeman,

you're staying at a four-star van.

Hey, dig it, man, hand me those pants over there

so I can iron a fresh crease in 'em.

Hey, what's this?

This fell out of George's pocket.

Hmm.

Dude...

Whoa!

This is not good.

What's wrong? [GASPS]

It's an obituary.

George's wife, Marge, died six months ago.

Dude.

Whoa!

Nothing like an ice-cold shower to jump-start the heart.

Reminds me of my old days in the Yukon.

Hey, George, can I ask you a question?

I know what you're gonna say.

"What kind of lunatic would try to sell ice cream in the Yukon?

What can I tell you?

[SIGHS IN PLEASURE]

Oh, that is refreshing, man.

[YELLS]

I was young, impetuous, couldn't afford a refrigerated truck.

So, I figured, if I get far enough north,

I can sell popsicles right out of the back of my pickup.

Hey, uh, George, I was gonna ask you kind of a different question.

Listen, man, I was gonna iron a crease in your pants, you know,

and this clipping fell out.

Give me that.

That's private.

Listen, George, I wasn't trying to be nosy, you know.

The clipping fell out, man, I had to read it.

[SIGHS]

How come you didn't tell me Marge died?

I didn't want to bring you down.

[SCOFFS] Bring me down?

Dude, we're buds. I mean, like, hey, man,

if you're down, I want to be right down there with you.

Hey, who's down?

Huh?

Me and Marge had some great years together.

But life goes on.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we run down to the zoo,

grab a couple of green mambas

and stuff them in our shorts for old times' sake?

[EXCLAIMING ADORINGLY]

Yeah. I'm not buying this.

Dude, you gotta be hurtin', man.

You know, it's not good to keep all that bottled up inside you.

Codeman, forget it.

Now, look, if I need a shoulder to cry on, you're the man, right?

But right now, you know,

I'd rather not talk about it.

[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING]

[CAROL GIGGLING] Hey, Uncle Frank, Carol.

Oh. Hello, Cody.

Hey, sorry to interrupt your morning make-out.

Hey, have you guys seen George?

Well, he left here about ten minutes ago.

Oh, but he did, he left this message for you.

Wow, that's really weird.

You know, we were supposed to go skydiving together, man.

I wonder why he'd take off without me?

[SCOFFS]

"Dear Cody, By the time you get this note,

"you'll probably realize that this visit was my way of saying goodbye to you.

"I'm sorry. I miss Marge so much, I can't go on without her."

[SOFTLY] Dude...

"So I'm going to meet her in the great beyond.

"See you there, too, someday, buddy."

Cody, it sounds like this poor guy's about to buy the farm.

Well, now, that would be a real stupid investment

considering he's about to kill himself.

[SCOFFS] Dude, I gotta go save him.

I really miss you, Marge,

but I'll see you soon.

[KISSES PICTURE]

Jumper to pilot, do you read me?

PILOT: Loud and clear.

How much longer before I can make the big plunge... I mean, jump?

PILOT: A couple more minutes.Okay.

Well, I won't be needing this thing.

PILOT: It's taking a little longer than it should to reach jump altitude.

It, uh, feels like we're carrying some extra weight.

[CODY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

GEORGE: How do yo get out of this thing?

[LOUD BANGING] [CODY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Gad-zooks, man.

Are you out of your mind?

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. All right.

Whoa! [GRUNTS AND SIGHS]

Whoa! Dude.

Talk about your no-frills flight.

Yo! Hey, how in the name of Flash Gordon did you get up here?

Oh, simple.

I just chased the plane down the runway right when it was about to take off.

I grabbed at the landing gear, then I shimmied up the fuselage.

Yo! Hey, I know why you're doing it man, but it's not gonna work.

I'm jumping out of this airplane

and I'm not stopping until I get a mouthful of dirt.

Dude, you cannot kill yourself.

Oh, why not?

I've always wanted to make my mark on the world.

This way, I'll make a really big mark. Splat!

Okay, fine.

If that's really what you want to do, man,

just go on over to that door and take a leap out into eternity.

Okay. See you later. Okay.

Wait, George! George, George, George!

Dude, I was just using reverse psychology, bro.

Didn't you see Lethal Weapon?

Is that the one where Schwarzenegger is the killer robot from the future?

No, that was Terminator,dude.

Lethal Weapon'sgotMel Gibson and he plays a psycho cop.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

That's where the guy wants to kill himself because his wife is dead.

Yeah. Yeah. See you later.

Oh, wait. George, George, George, George!

Okay, bad example.

I understand.

How about Bambi? Now there's an "up" movie.

No way. They kill his mom.

Come on, work with me here, George. I'm trying to save your life.

No, man,

I tried to make it in this world without Marge and I just can't do it.

Would you please get out of my way?

No, I can't do that, George.

Look, man, I understand what you're going through.

I mean, I'd be really bummed out if I lost a really great lady like Marge, too.

But, dude, I can't let you kill yourself.

I mean, this world just wouldn't be the same without you.

Cody, I'm just an ice cream man.

Oh, come on, you're a lot more important than that.

Dude, come here, sit down.

Listen to me.

[SIGHS] Now, you remember when I was a little kid?

Yeah. I was playing in Little League,

I hit my only home run ever.

Uh-huh.

As I was coming around that first base,

I thought to myself, man, "I wish my dad was here to see this." You know?

But he was out of town on a business trip.

You know, and as I was coming around second base...

Yeah, buddy, I wished my mom was here, you know?

But she was at the hair salon gettin' a perm.

As I was coming around third base,

this home run was really starting to get lonely.

But then I looked up and I saw you and Marge

in the parking lot with the ice cream truck. Man, you had the bells ringing,

you guys were jumping up and down, cheering,

"Hey, go, Codeman, go!" Yeah.

Dude, I was really glad you were there for me.

Well, you were a good kid who just needed a little encouragement.

But you're all grown up now.

Well, yeah, but I'm sure there's some little kid out there somewhere,

whose parents don't have enough time for him,

could use a dude with a big heart.

Maybe a few free popsicles,

a couple of minutes to listen to his problems.

Oh, Code, why are you making this so hard for me?

Because I love you, bro'.

Dude, you're my best friend in the whole world.

Am I really? Yeah.

I caught a plane to tell you that.

And when I say I caught a plane, I mean, I caught a plane, you know.

Yeah... Yeah.

Well, I do kinda miss going out to the park and seeing the kids.

I just turned 60 and now, I really make out like a bandit at the Sizzler.

Well, be a shame to throw a bargain like that away, huh?

Yeah.

Thanks, Code.

Hey, hey, any time, pal.

Come here.

PILOT: Pilot to jumper. We've reached jump altitude and banking now.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

GEORGE: Gad-zooks, man. Where's the rip cord?

CODY: Dude, it worked!

Code, I think I understand it all now.

I want to live. I want to sing. I want to dance.

But most of all, I want you to get your leg out of my crotch.

Yeah. Good luck.

Dude, you got the 'chute. I'm not movin' nothin'.

Yeah. [LAUGHS]

Oh, look, six little pigs are here.

Yes, well, I have an announcement to make.

I was hoping we could come up with

a democratic solution

for the new room.

But, since you are all blood-sucking little leeches,

the family government has been overthrown

and we are now returning to a dictatorship.

King Frank? Thank you, Your Highness.

Alright, listen up, here's the way it is.

The baby gets the new room, you guys get squat.

Any problems with that, there's the door.

Man, that is totally unfair.

Yes, it is. I feel real bad about it. Any other stupid comment?

CODY: Look out below!

Incoming dudes!

That sounds like Cody.

Whoa!

[CODY GROANS AND CHUCKLES]

FRANK: Hey. Dude!

Are you guys all right? Yeah.

Whoa, what a rush!

Hey, let's do it again.

Only this time, you wear the 'chute, and I'll chase the plane.

I love this guy.

GEORGE: Whoa!

Yo!

Whoa!