All language subtitles for Step.By.Step.S03E20.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Brendan, what are you doing?

Making chocolate milk.

Well, where's the milk?

I already drank it.

Ahhh!

Hey, Dana,

you're real smart.
Let me ask you a question. Now,

why is it that our fingernails

aren't on the other side
of our fingers?

I mean, hey, uh, uh,

it'd be a lot better
for digging, for scratching.

Hey, it'd be easier
to play my banjo, right?

Cody, somewhere,

a family of potatoes is
searching for their lost son.

No way, the potato family
lost their son?

That's so sad.

Life stinks.

Oh, yeah,

you heard about that
poor potato family, too?

No.

I went to the library to
write a report on
Abraham Lincoln,

but all the books on Lincoln
are checked out.

Now what am I supposed to do?

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't we go
right to the source.
Talk to Abe Lincoln himself.

[LAUGHS]

Cody,

maybe the news hasn't
reached you yet

but Abraham Lincoln
has been dead

for over a hundred years.

A hundred and
twenty nine years, to be exact.

Hey, he was assassinated
April 15, 1865.

It was a Friday.
Good Friday to be exact.

I guess it wasn't a
very good Friday for
Abey though, was it?

Come on, Cody.
How am I supposed to
talk to a dead guy?

That's the easy part.

We go see Madame Sonya.

Psychic adviser extraordinaire,

channeler of famous
dead people, and
keys made while you wait.

Hey,

maybe she can help that
potato family find their
lost son.

Jackson!

I'm living on the
set of "Hee Haw."

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ To say my Lord

♪ I think
I've found someone

♪ You know
It will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
Putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around

♪ Step by step
Day by day

♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

♪ Step by Step, day by day

♪ We'll make it better

♪ Second time around ♪

Ah, Carol,

do I have to be here? I mean,

this is a woman's store.

Can't I go to Sears and

pet a power tool or something.

Come on, Frank,

you're taking me out to dinner
and I want a new dress.
This is a very special birthday.

Why? Cause it's your fortieth?

Ohh, what?

Do you have to announce it
to the whole store?

What, that you're
turning forty?
Ah!

[TAKES DEEP BREATH]

okay, I'm just gonna go
sit over here and
listen to the game, okay?

Very elegant.
Oh, thank you.

It's for a special occasion.
Could I try this on?

Oh, of course.
The size eights are here.

Size eight? [CHUCKLES]

Thank you, but, uh,

I'm a size six.
Oh. [LAUGHS]

Oh, well, you can try a six,

but it will probably be a
little snug around the...

You know.

Well, thanks, but my,

you know, is a six.

Of course it is.

Follow me.

Take this dressing room.
Thank you.

What's the occasion?

Oh, it's my birthday.

Really? Which one is it?

Uh... Thirty-five.

Well,
enjoy the next five years,

cause when you hit forty,

gravity really kicks in.

What do you mean?

Well, I used to be really thin.

Then, the year I turned forty,

ka-boom.

So,

how's that fitting?

Ah, well, uh,

this style must run
a little, small.

[LAUGHS] Wait 'til you're forty.

They all run small.

Uh, this forty thing,
does it happen all at once?

Uh, like I said,

"ka-boom."

Eh, Cody, you know,
I don't know about this.

I mean, I'm not really into
this psychic mumbo jumbo.

Ah, man, Madame Sonya's
totally awesome.

She knows everything. Hey,

we've got an eleven o'clock
appointment, right?

I bet she already knows
we're here.

[BELL DINGING]

Cody?

What'd I tell ya'?
Totally awesome.

Welcome. Enter, enter.

Boy, I love this place.

Supernatural, yet like home.

Hey, uh, Madame Sonya,
this is my cousin--

Don't tell me. Your name is...

Trudi.

It's Al.

A ha! But your parents thought

about naming you Trudi!
You did not know that, did you?

Dude! Is she good, or what?

So, Madame Sonya,
how's business?

Oh, not so good.

That is why I am branching out.

In addition to seeing all and

knowing all, and making keys,

I am now a purveyor of non fat

frozen yogurt.

Do you like Berry Berry
Strawberry?

Totally, uh, but we're here to
contact President
Abraham Lincoln.

You're in luck.
I am having a special.

I will contact

any three dead presidents

or any three men named Abraham.

Your choice, ten dollars.

And that includes
a free topping on
your next yogurt.

You know what? You better just
beam down Lincoln.

Very well, five bucks,

including a small frozen yogurt.

But no topping.
I'm not giving it away,
you know.

Uh, listen, Madame Sonya,

I'm sure you're
a wonderful key maker
and you're very generous

with your toppings, but,

I really don't go in for this
supernatural kind of stuff.

You know, that's exactly
what I used to think,

then Madame Sonya beamed down
Cleopatra.

Ha ha, talk about
walking like an Egyptian.

Me and her all day.

What the heck.

Ah, dude, that's the spirit.

Oh, do not use the word
"spirit" lightly.

You speak of the great beyond,
which is great and...

beyond. You got that five spot?

Sure, totally. Hey,

Totally. Hey, that's the dude
we're looking for, right there.

Yes, yes,

I know this man.

Come, come, sit.

Sit. We will bring him
into the room.

Yeah.
Let us all concentrate.

And focus our energies
and reach out

and touch someone.

Okay,

Abraham Lincoln!

Abie, Abie, bo baby,
banana fana fo fabie,

me my mo mabie, Abie.

Yeah. Let's do Lincoln.
Everybody.

Lincoln, Lincoln, bo bincoln,

banana fana fo fincoln,

me my mo mincoln.

Lincoln.
Yeah, all right, totally.

[MAGICAL CHIMING SOUNDS]

Whoa, there he is.

Who?
Lincoln, Lincoln, bo-bincoln.

Yeah, right.

Oh, no, not another psychic.

You know, I just was in the
middle of playing Pebble Beach.

You know, if I don't get
my cart back by five o'clock,
I lose my deposit.

Wow.

He is so gnarly.

Oh, yes, yes,

I-- I feel Lincoln's presence.

Ugh, he's right here
by the piano.

[WHISTLES]

Oh, no, Madame.

He's over here by the
ice cream machine.

Oh, yes, I sensed that.

Hey, uh,

Mr. President, Lincoln,
dude... check it out.

[CLEARS THROAT] Al, my cousin,
is doing a report on you
for school, man, and so, uh,

she'd like to ask you
a couple questions.

Okay, Al, shoot.
Hey, geez!

Don't say "shoot" around me.

Whoa, sorry, dude. [LAUGHS]

Poor choice of words, huh?

Guess he's still,
a little shook up
about that theater incident.

Cody, I don't see
who you're talking to.

This is just getting too weird.

I'm gonna wait outside.

Gee, man.

Well, I tell ya,
I'm not going to
miss an opportunity to

have a little chin wag
with the first
Republican President. Ha ha.

Hey, Mr. President, now,

what was your
greatest disappointment of
the 20th century?

Cancellation of
"The Facts of Life."
Tootie was a riot.

Totally.

One, two and firm and tone.

Doesn't this feel great, Mom?

Oh, yeah. I haven't had
this much fun since childbirth.

Mom, a negative attitude

is not going to help you
lose the five pounds
you want to lose.

Now, let's start those
tummy crunches.

Lie on your back and

do as many as you can until
you feel like you're going
to pass out.

[LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY]

[GRUNTS]

Maybe I should borrow
Frank's shop vac

and try a little
home liposuction.

Ahh,

nothing like a major sugar rush
to kick your day into gear.

Aw, shut up.

Mom, I know you're working
very hard to lose weight,

but face it,
you're fighting a losing battle
with Father Time.

Mark, you're not helping.

I'm just stating a medical fact.

As the body ages,

it's harder for the amino acids
to burn up fatty deposits.

Mark, I suggest you leave

before I kick you
in your fatty deposits.

I'm out of here.

[DOOR OPENS]

Uh, I wouldn't go in there,
Frank.

Not without a whip and a chair.

Ah, Carol, you exercising again?

Why are you torturing yourself?

I am not torturing myself.

I am getting into shape

and I'm having fun doing it.

But, you don't need to do it,
honey. You look great.

Oh, you're just saying that
because you're my husband.

No, no, honey, I'm not.

If you were a
totally strange woman
walking down the street,

I'd come up to you and say,
"You look great!"

So what are you saying, Frank?

You walk up to strange women
and tell them you're
attracted to them?

Oh, yeah, there's nothing
friendlier than a woman
on a diet.

I'm going for a walk, honey.

I'll be back in about a month.

[SLAMS DOOR]

Okay, I'm going to get us some
mineral water.

Turn on the TV.
It's time for my favorite show,

"Rump Busters." Ha-hee.

INSTRUCTOR: Hi. Welcome to
"Rump Busters,"

the show that helps you
kiss your rump good bye.

If you work hard, you too, can look just like Tammy here.

Oh, yeah, right.
Tammy's twenty two.

Hey, Tammy, wait until
you have a couple of kids.

You'll be dragging that butt
behind you in a wagon.

We'll begin our workout
right after this message.

Hi, I'm Dr. Leonard Weltman,

of the Weltman
Weight Loss Clinic.

Do you want to lose weight
and look great?

Then try SkinnyTabs!

The diet pill that's
as safe as coffee.

I take them myself.

SkinnyTabs!

Call the number
on your screen, now!

Yeah, uh, hello, SkinnyTabs?

Yeah, I'd like to
kiss my rump good bye.

Okay,

[DEEP BREATH] Good morning,
good morning, good morning,

good morning, good morning,
good morning.

[CHUCKLES]

FRANK: Good morning, everybody.

Well, good morning here's your
breakfast. Bacon eggs,

toast juice, pancakes, waffles
and home fries.

If you'd like something else,
I could whip up a ratatouille.

I just feel like
chopping something today.

Is it just me, or does she seem
like the Tasmanian Devil
on Jolt cola.

It's the SkinnyTabs.

It says they're safe, but,

I can hear her heart beating
from all the way over here.

Uh, uh, honey?
Yeah?

Maybe you shouldn't be
taking those things.

Why? They're safe as coffee.

See? "Safe as coffee."
Safe as coffee.

Would you like some coffee?
I can grind some beans.

Now, you have to be careful
with diet pills

because I've heard
they can be addictive.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I read the warning on the box.

It says, "If dizziness,
fainting, vomiting, numbness,
temporary blindness or

hair loss occur,
consult your physician." See?

They are perfectly safe. Ha-ha.

Okay, well.

I'm going to drive
to the fabric store because
I want to make new curtains

for the whole house today.
Ha ha.

[LAUGHS EXULTANTLY]

I hope she doesn't burn up
on re-entry.

[BRAIN FREEZE]

Huh!

[CHUCKLING] Cool.

Hey, Cody.

I got an "A"
on my Abraham Lincoln report.

Oh, man! That's so killer!

I guess that little trip
to Madame Sonya's
paid off, huh?

Yeah, well, in a strange way,
it did.

Even though I didn't actually
believe Abe was in the room,

it made me think,
"What if Abraham Lincoln
were alive today?"

"What would he think
about our society?"

Yeah, that's a killer idea.

Dude, let me see your paper.

Man, old Abe's gonna flip
when he sees this.

Especially if you put in
the part about Tootie. Ha-ha.

Cody, uh, you do know that

Abe was just a
figment of your imagination.

He wasn't really there.

Well, now you see, Al,

reality is a rather
empirical thing.

Now, take this ice cream
for example.

Now, if I believe

this is pistachio,

then for me it's pistachio,

even if for somebody else,
it's butter brickle.

Yeah.
Cody, it's chocolate.

Well, sure, to you. Ha ha.

That's exactly my point, see.

Different people see things
different ways.

Although, I haven't yet
met anybody who sees things
my way.

Thanks for your help, Cody.

Excuse me.

Oh, don't bother apologizing
to her, Abe.

She thinks you're a
figment of my imagination.

I'm dead. What do I care
what she thinks?

So, let me ask you a question.

Does it tick you off that
they keep raising income taxes?

I don't mind paying
my fair share.

See, I don't get it.

FDR taxes everybody like crazy,

they call him a hero.

I free the slaves,
I get shot in the head.

If I were alive today,
I'd skip politics completely
and open up a Lube N Tune.

Dude, you are exactly the way
I thought you'd be.

Except for the Brooklyn accent.
He-He-Ha.

Whoa, hey,

no guns, please.

Sorry, dude.

Carol?

Honey?

Oh, hi, Frank.

Carol, it's three o'clock
in the morning.
Where have you been?

At the grocery store.
See, I was up anyway,

and I'd already waxed the floor
and polished the silver,

so I thought I'd go to
the grocery store and
beat the crowds. You know,

the lines are very short
at the market
this time of night.

Well, of course they are, honey.
Everyone's home sleeping.

Well, they don't know
what they're missing.

The produce comes in at exactly
two forty five and I got
first shot at these cucumbers.

Would you take a look
at these beauties? Oh,
I can't wait to make a salad.

Do you want a salad, Frank?
Or maybe you'd like
a seven layer cake?

I just feel like baking today.
Hey, Carol.

Carol, now these SkinnyTabs
are making you crazy.
I want you to stop taking them.

Oh, you are just jealous
because I've got more energy
than you.

You've got more energy
than Wisconsin Electric.

Now, give them to me.
No.

No, they make me feel good
and I've already lost
three pounds.

Carol, they're dangerous
and you're becoming addicted
to them.

I am not.
Then give them to me.

Carol, give it to me.
No.

You are out of control.
No, they are not--

No, I am not out of control.

I'm losing weight

and I'm getting a lot done

and it is all because of
these pills. And I'm not
addicted to them,

I just need them! [SCREAMING]

Oh.

Oh.

[GASPS]

Oh, my God. What am I doing?

Honey, it's okay.

I mean, these things can

hook you before
you ever know it.

[SIGHS]

Oh, I can't believe
I talked myself into believing
these diet pills were okay.

I mean, if Dana

or Karen took them,
I would just go crazy.

I guess,

I guess, I just got so scared
about turning forty, that

I went too far.

Well, what's so scary about
turning forty?

[SOBBING]

I don't know, you just

start to gain weight

and your body starts to sag and

you don't look good anymore.

Carol,
you are a beautiful woman.

And you know why?

Because you've got
a great heart,

and you're smart,

and funny, and caring,

and I love you for the person
you are on the inside.

Don't get me wrong,
I love the outside, too.

If you ever need to burn up
any of that extra energy,
[CHUCKLES]

I'm your man.

Sweetheart, if your looks
would go tomorrow,

you'd still be the most
beautiful woman in the world,

to me.

Oh, Frank, I love you.

I don't know what I'd do
without you.

You'd probably get up
in the middle of the night

and re roof the house
or something.

[CAROL CHUCKLES]

Happy Birthday, dear Carol.
Happy Birthday, dear Mom.

EVERYONE: Happy Birthday to you.

Oh, thank you. [LAUGHS]

Okay, Mom. Make a wish.

Okay, um,

[LAUGHS HEARTILY] Alright.

Okay, you guys, help me.

Ohhh.

[CLAPPING]

Open your presents, Mom.
All right.

oh, okay.

Oh, look, this one's from Cody.

Yeah, check it out.

These are
historical memorabilia.

Oh, look. It's a

scorecard from
Pebble Beach Golf Course.

Check out the foursome
who played that round of golf.

Abe Lincoln, George Washington,

Teddy Roosevelt
and Elvis Presley.

Yeah. [LAUGHS]

Three presidents and king.
Not bad, huh?

Well, Cody, this is really

unbelievable.

Tell me about it.
Abe Lincoln shot a sixty seven
at Pebble Beach?

So much for that
"Honest Abe" thing.