Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS]

[CODY INHALES DEEPLY]

What are you yahoos doing?

BRENDAN: Cody's giving us a karate demonstration.

Yeah. He's going to break these boards with his head.

You're kidding.

It's all a matter of physics.

I mean, you know, when it comes to density,

my head is a lot thicker than this wood.

[CHUCKLES] Well, what can I say? Knock yourself out.

Now, remember, kids, I'm a professional.

Do not try this at home.

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[YELLS]

Okay, that was a practice swing.

Cody, maybe you better stop.

Oh, no way.

I just got my forehead all nice and flat.

Yeah.

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[YELLS]

Good news, I think I heard something crack.

Okay.

This time we go for broke.

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

Is it me, or is it just getting dark in here?

Boy, I sure hope kids don't try this at home.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪ The dream, got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be A second time around?

♪ Woah-a, woah-a When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My lord, I think I found someone"

♪ You know it would be better

♪ To be putting it together For the second time around

♪ Step by step Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall The stronger we stay

♪ And we'll be better The second time around

♪ Step by step Day by day

♪ We'll make it better

♪ The second time around ♪

Okay, Mrs. Schmidt, here's your coffee.

Carol, I sure hope this makeover is gonna make me glamorous.

[COUGHS]

Oh, don't worry. Just go back in the shop, get under the dryer,

and in no time at all, you'll look just like Cybill Shepherd.

Or a German Shepherd.

Carol, did you wash my hockey jersey?

Yeah, doesn't it look nice?

No. You washed all the blood stains out.

How am I supposed to intimidate people if I'm "whiter than white?"

Gee, I'm sorry, Al. Well, maybe Mark will have one of his nosebleeds

and drip all over it.

I hope so.

Mom, I need your help. Mmm-hmm.

You know that modeling audition I have tomorrow?

Well, I've been trying out some new facial expressions

to show the photographer my range.

This shouldn't take long.

Al.

Go ahead, honey. Okay.

I call this, "Caught By Surprise."

[GASPS]

This, I call, "Deep in Thought."

Now, be brutally honest. What do you think?

I think you're an idiot.

Al, Al.

You know, I'm really getting sick of this.

Why are you always insulting me?

Hey, we drew straws.

JT got Dana, I got you.

Oh, who cares what you think anyway?

Mom, what did you think of my facial expressions?

Well, I think you're very talented. [CHUCKLES]

But what's wrong with just being yourself?

Being myself isn't enough.

They're looking for the official StopJeans Girl.

They're scouring malls nationwide,

looking for the girl whose face says, "Stop."

Well, your face certainly...

Go ahead, honey.

If I get this job, my face will be on billboards across the country.

I better go upstairs.

I still have to work on "Joy," "Anguish"

and "Truly Moved by an Inexpensive Gift."

Hey, Carol, I got a look for you.

"I'm Your Daughter and I'm Brain dead."

Frank, I know you and your buddies are going to play poker,

and I was wondering if, maybe tonight,

I could sit in with the big dogs?

Mark, uh, poker's, uh,

it's a man's game.

Exactly my point, Frank.

I've been raised by women.

I need some manly influence in my life.

I want to be a five card stud!

Well, Mark,

I wouldn't feel right about letting you gamble,

but if you want to hang out with us guys tonight,

you can, uh,

you can be in charge of snacks, okay?

Really? You mean, I get to be the caterer?

Do the guys like Brie?

Only if she pops out of a cake.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Okay, the boys are back in town!

Hey, Frank.

Hey, hey. Table is set up.

Hey, how you doing? Hi.

Hey, guys, wait a minute. Where's Floyd?

Floyd. Floyd's wife wouldn't let him play.

Why not?

Ah, she said she wanted to go out to dinner.

She said something about their twenty fifth wedding anniversary.

Women.

Well, enough of this small talk.

We gotta find a fourth guy to play poker with us.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Uncle Frank. Huh?

You're not going to believe this.

You know what I just found out?

Little Michelle on Full House

is actually two people.

Life is just full of disappointments, huh?

It sure is.

Cody, we're a man short. You got any money?

Yeah. Good, you're in.

Five card stud, nothing wild.

I bet a buck.

Oh, no, wait, hold on.

You know, I am not a gambling man.

Oh, why's that, Cody? Afraid of losing?

Well, no. I'm what you call a born winner.

A lucky stiff.

I got the Midol touch.

See, I've only gambled once in my life,

and it nearly ruined me.

Yeah, and it all started innocently enough.

You know, I was playing bingo on a Navajo reservation.

After I won the first seventy two games in a row, I figured,

"Okay, beginner's luck," right?

But it didn't stop there.

I didn't just win at Bingo.

I won at Keno, Roulette, Black Jack.

I even won at "Guess the Chief's Weight."

I couldn't figure out why I kept winning,

and then this old dude explained it to me.

He said, "It's the curse."

Wait, who, who said it's a curse? Some old Indian?

No, some old insurance salesman from Spokane, Washington.

He said that once a century,

the deities that be

point a fickle finger of fate at some poor sap and curse him with good luck.

Well, Uncle Frank, I am that poor sap.

You know, I'm listening real hard,

but I still don't know what the boy is talking about.

Well, don't you get it?

Too much good luck is a curse.

Nobody likes you if you win all the time.

That's why I don't want to take a chance

on starting my good luck streak again.

Uh, guys, just a second here. Cody, come here, let me talk to you.

Listen, if, if I could guarantee that you don't win, would you consider playing?

Well, yeah. But how could you be sure I wouldn't win?

Well, when was the last time you played poker?

When I was eleven.

Oh, I'll guarantee you won't win.

Okay, but I hope Lady Luck doesn't shake her groove thing at me tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's in, guys, he's in.

Well, all right. Settle down here.

George, you want to move it! You're in my lucky chair.

Okay, guys, five card draw.

Nothing's wild.

No check and raise and pot limit on the betting, okay?

Here we go.

Okay, George, talk to me.

Give me three.

Three? Oh, George wants three. Okay, Virg?

I'll take two.

Two for Virg.

Cody?

Hey, Uncle Frank.

Is four kings a good hand?

Just about as good as you can get.

[SIGHS] I knew it.

I'll take four.

The Codeman wants one, two, three and four.

Dealer takes one.

I bet a buck.

I'll see your buck.

Uh, Cody,

you're going to have to look at your cards.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAMS]

Okay, everybody.

The photographer will be ready to take a look at you in a minute.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

How do I look?

Am I wearing too much makeup?

Not enough?

Do I look stylish, yet not too perfect to be the girl next door?

Sure.

Look, this audition better not take long.

Relax, Al. It'll just take a few minutes,

then we'll go down to the sporting goods store

and we'll get you your hockey bat.

Carol, it's not a bat, it's a stick.

Look, that's Tim Yates.

He's a famous New York fashion photographer.

Hello, everybody.

I'm Tim Yates, the famous New York fashion photographer.

As you know, I've been combing the country looking for the StopJeans Girl.

Basically, I'm sick and tired of living out of a suitcase,

so, uh, hopefully, one of you girls is the right one.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, by the way, uh, sucking up won't do you any good.

I'm not seeing it.

This campaign is "Jeans With An Attitude."

All I see here is pretty. Pretty is bad?

No, pretty's been done.

I wish for once, I could find a girl who had a little bit of an edge.

Edge.

Yo, maestro, what is the holdup here?

Al! Pick a prissbag and move on.

Shh.

She didn't mean to interrupt.

No, no, it's okay. It makes me feel like I'm back in New York.

Come here, honey.

Who're you calling "honey?"

Love the attitude.

I'm seeing "edge" here.

What's your name?

Al.

How would you like to be a model?

No way.

Pays two hundred bucks an hour.

Hey, hey, I'm your man.

All right.

[SCREAMING]

This is so unfair.

I kill myself to get this modeling job

and all she does is show up, act rude,

and she's the one they hire.

Hey, when you're hot, you're hot.

And I guess I'm hot and you're not.

Al. Shut up, you little grub worm.

Karen. Oh, make me, Barbie.

All right, can it.

You know, I am sick of all this arguing.

So just knock it off, button it, stick a sock in it...

Hi, Carol.

Hi, Marion. How are you?

Love your purse.

Have I made myself perfectly clear?

Mother, I'm not going to sit around while this no good, back stabbing little...

Hey, Karen.

Hi, Bobby. [GIGGLES] See you at the game.

Nice haircut.

Well, I don't remember what I was saying, but you stink.

And you don't have a clue about what it takes to be a model.

Oh, right. It's really hard to stand there and look like a brain dead moron.

Hey, Al. Shut up. I'm in the middle of an argument.

You are so rude.

Oh, eat my shorts.

All right!

There will be no more name calling

and no more suggestions that people eat things.

Okay, fine.

As far as I'm concerned, the argument is over.

But can I say one thing?

Sure.

You might think modeling's easy,

but when you're up there, under those hot lights,

with twenty people telling you how to smile,

how to stand, "look over here, look over there,"

you're gonna choke.

Are you through?

Sure.

Good. Al, would you go get your hockey bat thingie?

And, Karen, would you sit down? I want to talk to you.

Fine.

Karen, I know how important this modeling job was to you,

and I am sorry you did not get it,

but that is no reason to lash out at Al.

I can't believe this. You're taking her side.

No, I am not taking anyone's side.

I'm treating you both the same.

Well, that's not the way it's supposed to be.

I'm your daughter, she's just your step-daughter.

Oh, is that the way you still think of her? As just a step-sister?

Well, she is, isn't she?

Well, technically, yes.

But I don't think of us as Fosters and Lamberts,

I think of us as one family.

We live in one house.

We care about each other.

And frankly, after almost three years,

I would think that you would feel the same way, too.

I'm sorry, but I don't.

Aw, geez.

You know...

You...

Well, I hope you're happy, Uncle Frank.

You guaranteed me I wouldn't win at poker,

but I did win, didn't I?

And I've had nothing but good luck all day, and it's all your fault.

Cody, you played one hand of poker, you won,

and ran screaming from the house.

Now, what's the problem?

The curse. That's the problem!

Yeah.

I went down to the hardware store this morning to get myself some spackle.

Ooh, sure, sounds innocent enough.

But, what I didn't know is that I'd be their ten thousandth customer

and win a hundred bucks.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, I felt guilty about the money, so I tried to spend it all in one place.

Do you have any idea how much spackle you can buy for a hundred bucks?

Cody, just relax. There is no such thing as a good luck curse.

Oh, yeah? Well, then explain this if you will.

I was so overwrought by that whole spackle debacle,

that I went over to 7-Eleven, you know, to get myself a Slurpee.

I give the guy a buck, he gives me a quarter back, right?

Ah, but not just any quarter.

He gives me a Civil War quarter from the Civil War, worth eight hundred bucks.

Yeah, you think I got a lot of spackle,

you should see how many Slurpees I've got in the back of my van.

Cody, if you're that upset, why don't you just stay in the house and lay low, huh?

I'm sure nothing good is gonna happen to you here.

Yeah, from your mouth to God's ears.

[PHONE RINGS]

[SHATTERING]

Would you get the phone for me, Cody?

Hello, Lambert residence. Cody Lambert speaking.

My favorite radio station?

WRGB. Why?

Oh, great.

Yeah, I won a cruise to the Bahamas.

She's almost ready. She's almost ready!

What am I, deaf?

Here comes the kid!

You look great, honey.

Thanks. She's a little nervous.

Yeah, perfectly natural.

Uh, Al, honey, I want you to meet some people.

This is Betty Jenkins and Marty Green with McCormick Advertising.

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, uh, Al, honey, come on over here

and stand in the light so we can get a look at you.

Hmm.

I thought she'd be taller.

She's sweating like crazy.

Somebody wipe her down.

BETTY: She doesn't look very happy.

Doesn't she smile?

Al, give us a smile, honey.

BETTY: That's not a smile.

No, bigger smile, sweetheart. Show us some teeth.

MARTY: Has she ever done this before?

No, it's her first time.

I was afraid of that.

She looks sick.

You're not gonna hurl, are you, honey?

Uh, look,

it's really hot out here.

I need some air.

Al, where are you going?

Oh, I thought I'd go for a little walk.

Where? Home.

Hey, are we working or what?

Look, Mr. Famous New York Fashion Photographer, we need a minute.

Hey, who's in charge here?

Me. We're taking a break.

We're taking a break.

Look, Al, I know you're nervous, but you're going to do great.

No, I'm not.

Karen's right.

I don't know how to be a model.

I just want to go home.

Well, I, I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do.

I'll, uh, I'll go talk to the photographer

and tell him he has to get another model.

Mom, wait.

Karen, what are you doing here?

Well, I came to watch Al fall on her face,

but I kind of changed my mind.

Can I talk to her for a second?

Please?

Sure.

What do you want?

Look, I was really jealous about you getting the job.

But, when I saw what a hard time you were having up there,

I felt really bad for you.

Wait a minute. You felt bad for me?

Hey, I know what it feels like to be up there in front of those lights.

It's scary.

Everybody's picking at you and talking about you like you're a piece of meat.

I know what you're going through,

and it's really important for us to stick together.

Why? 'Cause we're models?

Because,

because we're sisters.

Really?

You think of me as your sister?

Well, yeah.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Thanks, Karen. That's really nice.

But I still can't get up there and do this.

Yes, you can.

All you need is an attitude.

What kind of attitude?

That "edge" thing.

Just get up there and be that rude little snot

that they loved so much at the audition.

Hey, I can do that.

All right, let's carve this turkey.

I got a hockey game in three hours.

You know, Karen, sometimes you really surprise me.

Sometimes I surprise myself.

All right, let's see why people call me a genius.

[SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLEPLAYING]

♪ Simply irresistible

♪ Simply irresistible she's so fine there's no tellin where the money went

♪ Simply irresistible She's all mine, there's no other way to go

♪ Simply irresistible she's so fine there's no tellin where the money went

♪ Simply irresistible ♪

I really appreciate you helping me, Dana.

There you go, I think it's dry.

Go ahead, move your finger.

Perfect. Okay, step number four,

[EXPLOSION]

What was that?

Just Cody working in the backyard.

[GASPS]

Hey, Code, are you all right?

Yeah. Never better, Uncle Frank.

The acetylene tank just blew up in my van.

Nearly took my head off.

And that's a good thing?

Yeah, buddy.

Well, don't you guys get it?

I just had an industrial accident.

That's bad luck.

That means my winning streak is over.

Now I can just put out the fire in my van,

and, uh, kick back and enjoy life.

I'm coming, Lucille.