Original subtitles

Hey, Dana burger.

Cody,

do you mind picking up that box?

Well, yeah. It's kind of heavy.

That's why I put it down.

You just squashed my breakfast.

No way.

It doesn't look very appetizing. You were going to eat that?

Not any more.

What are you doing with all these books, anyway?

Oh, these are all the books I read last week.

I've got to take them back to the library.

You read all those books in a week?

Yeah, buddy.

Yeah, I took a speed reading course.

What made you do that?

Ah, a very interesting story.

Yeah, well,

I was watching that movie "Psycho," you know,

[IMITATES STABBING]

Oh, well, anyway, uh,

that dude, Norman Bates,

he was a taxidermist.

So, I thought, "Wow,

"stuffing dead animals"... that sounds pretty cool.

You know.

So, I went down to the community college to take a taxidermy course.

What does that have to do with speed reading?

Oh, wow, did I leave that part out?

Man.

Well, anyway, all of the taxidermy classes were full,

so I took a speed reading class, instead.

Now, I can read a book like a banshee,

but I can't stuff a parrot to save my life.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ To say my Lord

♪ I think I've found someone

♪ You know It will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause we're Putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around

♪ Step by step Day by day

♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

♪ Step by Step, day by day

♪ We'll make it better

♪ Second time around ♪

Okay, Frank,

I'm done totaling my income from the beauty shop.

Now, I'm going to need your monthly income statements.

Okay, honey,

got 'em right here.

There you go.

Frank, these are place mats from Charlie's Diner.

Well, sure, honey.

At the end of every month, I go down to Charlie's and I do my books over lunch.

Come on now, it's really simple. Look.

See here. This one's spaghetti and meatballs,

that's January.

And, uh, this is, uh,

meatloaf. That's February.

And that's Salisbury steak, March.

Boy, that Charlie sure is a whiz with ground meat, isn't he?

Frank, could you just get yourself a ledger book?

Well, yeah, I had one once.

I think I left it at Charlie's.

So, huh, how'd we do?

Well,

not bad considering there's a recession.

Really?

I'm amazed. I thought I had kind of an off year.

Well, you did, honey, but luckily I kicked a little butt.

[CHUCKLING] See.

You made more money than me?

Yeah, by about four thousand dollars.

Four thousand dollars?

Well, that's impossible. You must have made a mistake.

Well, let's see...

[GASPS]

oh, you're right. This number's wrong.

[FRANK CHUCKLES] CAROL: I made six thousand more than you.

How about that? [LAUGHS]

Well, obviously your calculator is broken,

so I'm gonna take this stuff

down to Charlie's

and I'm gonna use his. Okay?

now, don't touch that stuff. There's important documents in there, huh?

I don't believe it.

You won again.

Don't you ever lose?

Ryan, I've got five older brothers and sisters.

This is the first time I've won in three years.

Hey,

it's the Brend o matic and the Ryan Express.

[GIGGLES]

Just the dudes I wanted to see.

What's up, Codeman? Hey, check it out, man.

The lady who runs Story Hour down at the library is gonna have a baby.

So I volunteered to fill in for her.

You're gonna run Story Hour? Can I come?

Yeah, of course you can. What do you think, I'm just telling you this

to mess with your head? [CHUCKLES]

All right!

Ryan, you gotta come, too.

Uh, no thanks.

I don't really like the library.

Ryan, dude, are you kidding?

Man, the library's totally awesome.

It's like a travel agency for your mind.

Hey, any place you wanna go,

you can get there just by opening a book. Like,

want to go to Mars?

Boom. Astronomy.

Like dinosaurs? Boom. Prehistoric history.

Like Northern Italian cuisine?

Boom. We got a killer pizza parlor right next door to the library.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, Ryan. You gotta come to the library.

Yeah. Well...

Okay. Okay, cool, Ryan.

Two x squared plus "y"

divided by the square root of 144 equals 2.

If "y" is six, what is "x?"

Uh-uh. Not even warm.

Nope.

Ha!

"X" is three! "X" is three!

Thank you.

Hi, kids. What are you doing?

Oh, Mark's helping me with my algebra.

Oh, isn't that sweet. Yeah.

Hey, Mark, wanna come upstairs and help me with my history homework?

Well-- I'd be delighted.

Mark, you better put on a sweater. It sounds like you're getting a cold.

Oof.

Hi, honey

Oh, hi, Frank? Yeah.

Can I ask you a question? Sure.

Have you been out looking for a part time job?

What, what makes you think that, honey?

Well, Mr. Jenkins from the hardware store called

and he said, "Tell Frank that I don't have any part time work for him."

I think you are reading way too much into that.

Well, how about this?

Bob from the paint store called and he said,

"Tell Frank I don't have any part time work for him."

Okay, alright, I'm looking for a part time job.

Frank.

Well, it's not like I'm gonna find one, anyway.

Nobody's hiring.

I even tried the video store.

I had an interview with the assistant manager,

pimply faced little kid named "Skippy,"

or "Scotty," or "Scupper," or something.

Anyway, he turned me down, too. Not only that,

he recognized me as the guy who never rewinds and he tore up my video card.

I don't believe this.

You are really upset

because I made more money than you last year.

Oh, don't be silly.

You think I walked around all day thinking,

Boy, my wife made more money than me last year.

I must be a real loser, huh?

What kind of a wimp can't pull his own weight?

Well, if that's what you think I was thinking, then

I think what you were thinking is wrong.

Frank. Now, now, now, listen.

if it bothers you that much, I won't even look for a part time job any more.

[TELEPHONE RINGS] Hello.

uh, yeah, this is Frank Lambert. It's for me, I got it.

Thank you. Oh, hi, thanks for calling back.

Yeah listen, huh,

do you have to have a bicycle to get a paper route?

No, no, no, I, I can run like the wind.

Ah, the noble library.

The bastion of books,

the Fort Knox of knowledge,

and the only place left in America where you can still get a photocopy for a penny.

I'm gonna go return these books before Story Hour.

Go for it, Jackson. [CHUCKLING]

Hey, JT.

What's up, dude? What are you reading?

Huh? I have no idea.

Well, no wonder.

It's upside-down. [LAUGHS]

Cody, I'm not here to read,

I'm here to scope out the babes.

Reading is part of my clever disguise

to appear intelligent.

Fooled me.

JT, there's this gorgeous looking babe

by the card catalogue. You gotta check her out.

Excuse me, Codeman, while I further my education.

There she is.

That's no babe, that's my stepsister.

Really?

I wouldn't mind checking her out for the weekend.

Oh, man. You're sick.

Okay, little dudes, everybody gather around,

it's reading time. [LAUGHS]

Okay, my name is Cody.

And I'll be running Story Hour for a little while.

Now, uh,

I do things a little bit differently from the other story lady. Uh,

number one, I'm not gonna be having a baby.

And number two,

I'm not going to be the only one reading here, okay?

Like, I'll read a paragraph, then I'll pass it on to someone else.

And that way, everyone gets a chance to read, okay?

Um, I didn't know we'd have to read.

Well, sure, Ryan, man. It's a lot more fun that way.

Okay, today's story is called

Mo Mo Dixon and the Magical Light Show.

One of my all time favorites.

[CODY CLEARS THROAT]

A long time ago,

there was a little island called Fire Rock

that had huge cracks running right down the middle of it.

And every night, giant streams of red hot lava would shoot out of the cracks,

just like fireworks.

Unfortunately, the Dixon family never saw the fireworks.

You see,

the Dixons lived on the wrong side of the cracks.

Okay, little lady, it's your turn.

Mr. and Mrs. Dixon had three children

and the youngest was a boy named Momo.

Heh, Momo. [GIGGLES]

And the one thing Mo mo wanted more.

More than anything in the world

was to see the fireworks.

Um,

I don't really feel like reading.

Well, Ryan, dude, what's the matter?

I-- I have to go to the bathroom.

Whoa, boy, heh,

when nature calls, Ryan really listens, huh?

Cody, come here.

What's up, dude?

That's not why he's running away.

He's kind of embarrassed because he can't read very well.

Whoa, wow,

reading problems at the library, huh.

That's kinda like being at "Thirty one Flavors" and having no taste buds.

Karen.

There is this really cute guy over by the magazines.

Thank God.

For a minute there, I thought this trip to the library was

gonna be a complete waste.

There he is.

Isn't he gorgeous?

That's not a guy, it's my stepbrother.

Really?

He's got cute buns.

You're sick.

Okay, now remember, my little pint sized page turners,

next week we're gonna be reading a taut

psychological thriller with major social overtones.

It's called, Johnny Gets A Red Balloon.

Okay, you guys take care now, bye bye.

EVERYONE: Bye, Cody. CODY: Bye.

See you next week.

Okay.

Hey, Cody, are you going to leave right away?

Oh, no. I thought I'd stick around

and see if I could have a little chat with Ryan.

Okay, I'm gonna go find JT.

I want to see how many girls shot him down today.

[CODY LAUGHS]

Oh, hey, Ryan.

What happened to you? We missed you during Story Hour.

I-- had to go to the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, I hear 'ya. Been there, done that.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, man, why don't you have a seat.

See if we can have a little man to man chat.

Now, uh,

Brendan tells me you're having a little bit of trouble, reading.

He told you that?

I thought he was my friend.

Oh, he is. Hey, he wasn't trying to rat you out.

You know, he just thought maybe I could help you.

I don't think anybody can help me.

I'm not that good at reading.

Ryan, dude,

learning how to read is just like learning how to play the guitar, man.

Nobody is good right away.

You've gotta practice.

I don't know. I just think it's too hard.

Well, okay, but you'd be missing a lot of cool stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Oh, I don't know. Sports,

adventure stories,

science fiction, monsters.

Monsters?

I like monsters.

Dude, me, too.

Man, you've got to read The Monster On Space Station X.

It's got this really big monster that spits this green ooze at you.

And if it hits you, you don't die right away.

You just swell up really big and then you explode,

and there's like brains and guts and bone

flying all over the place. [LAUGHING]

That sounds cool.

Yeah, buddy.

So, whaddya say, man, you wanna come here and practice reading with me?

We could do it everyday. We could just

read the books that you like.

But what if I make mistakes?

Dude, everybody makes mistakes.

You think I meant to cut my hair like this?

Okay, Mr. Lambert.

Mr. Lambert?

Come on out.

Let me show you where you'll be working.

Do I really have to wear this thing?

Can't I just hand out coupons?

No, no, this is part of our whole promotional campaign.

"Buck buck buck off a bucket o'cluck."

Look, if you don't want the job, just say so.

I mean, you're not the only chicken in town.

No, no, I want the job. I do.

Buck off a bucket o'cluck.

Buck off some cluck in a bucket.

Cluck in bucket off here, bucket o'cluck.

Ah, jeez, I'm molting.

Thanks for picking me up at Linda's.

Ah, no problem, honey. What's for dinner

Well, Frank said he's going to be late tonight.

So, I was thinking of picking up some chicken at Mr. Cluck Bucket.

FRANK: Buck off a bucket o' cluck!

Buck off a bucket o'cluck!

I hate my life.

Buck off a bucket o' cluck! Buck off a bucket o' cluck!

Buck off a bucket o'cluck, here!

Buck off a bucket o'cluck!

Oh, look,

some poor jerk in a chicken suit.

I think it's kind of cute.

Uh, Buck off a bucket o'--

Buck buck, buck-buck buck-buck.

Buck-buck.

Buck-buck-buck.

Buck buck.

Frank, what are you doing?

Mom, isn't it obvious?

The man you love is standing out in public in a chicken suit.

You must be very proud.

Dana, would you wait in the car.

No problem. I'm sure you and

Mr. Chicken have a lot to talk about. [LAUGHS CUNNINGLY]

Frank, are you aware of the fact that you look ridiculous?

Oh, really?

Carol, this is the only part time job I could find.

I can not believe that your ego is

so fragile that you can't handle me making more money than you.

I realize it's not very 90's or

liberated or hip,

but I was brought up to believe that a man's job is to

provide for his family. And if I can't do that for you,

then I don't feel I'm doing my job as a husband, honey.

So, what you're telling me is that dressing up like a chicken

makes you feel more like a man.

Well,

in a way,

yes.

[CAROL SIGHS]

Frank!

I did not marry you because I wanted a provider.

I married you because I love you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

And sometimes I'll make more money than you, but sometimes

you'll make more money than me,

it doesn't matter, Frank, because we are a team.

Yeah, but Carol, sometimes I feel I'm letting the team down.

Oh, Frank,

you're not letting anyone down.

You're a terrific husband,

and you're a wonderful father.

And you're the only guy in a chicken suit that's ever

turned me on. [GIGGLES]

[BOTH GIGGLE]

Mom!

For God's sake, you're kissing a chicken in public.

I have to live in this town.

A buck off a bucket o'cluck, here.

Ow, hey dog, ow.

Down boy, down, down. Ow, come on.

Hey, lady, call of your dog.

Carol, Carol, he's got me.

You could choke on this chicken bone, you know?

Cujo, Cujo, down boy, down.

Ow, ow, ow.

Hey, good boy, good dog. That a boy, stick with.

hey, watch the tail.

Okay, little reading maniacs,

come on over, it's Story Hour.

Everybody grab a seat. [LAUGHS]

we're going to get going here pretty soon.

Hey, Ry man. How's it going?

Not so good.

I'm kind of scared about reading in front of everybody.

Yeah, I hear you, little bro.

But don't worry, the Codeman will be right here with you

and I wouldn't let you do anything I didn't think you could handle, man.

I hope you're right.

Totally, come on.

Okay, everybody, check this out.

Today's book is called,

It's a Bear Being a Bear.

Whoa, ironic title.

Okay,

now, "Once upon a time,

"there was a bear named Huckleberry.

"That's right, Huckleberry Bear.

"And, boy, did he hate his name."

[LAUGHS] I love this book.

All right. Here, you read.

"How could my dad name me 'Huckleberry,' he said.

"I don't sound like a bear, I sound like a cartoon."

"Why couldn't he name me 'Killer,' or 'Grizzly'

"or even 'Smokey?'

"Anything but Huckleberry."

"Then

"Huckle berry...

"thought... maybe I'd get a new name

"if I did some thing...

"herc?

"... heric?

That's right. Just sound it out

one syllable at a time, like we practiced.

You'll get it. He-ro-ic.

"Heroic."

That's right. He did it.

Is Ryan a great reader or what?

[EVERYBODY APPLAUDS]

Alright,

now see, the point here is,

that you can learn anything you wanna learn. Just put your mind to it.

Like, take me for example,

I wanna learn how to do taxidermy.

Anybody else here want to learn how to stuff a parrot?

Yeah! [LAUGHS]

Okay. Next week, at my house.

CHILDREN: Yay!

Yeah!

CHILDREN: Woo, woo, woo, woo.

Whoa,

family read fest, eh. Gotta love that.

What'cha you reading, Carol?

Ah, The Mystery of Cherokee Point.

Oh, awesome book.

You'd never guess the sheriff was the killer...

not in a million years.

Hey, JT.

Murder Times Three, huh?

You're gonna freak when you find that the priest has a twin brother.

Oh, man! [LAUGHING]

Oh, I'm not reading a mystery.

I'm just reading a book called, Wonder Dog.

Just don't get too attached to that pooch.

He dies.