Original subtitles

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

Man, Cody, you're a mess.

You've got motor oil on your shirt, brake fluid under your

fingernails and you smell like the grease rack at Jiffy Lube.

I know. Is life good, or what?

Hey, Codeman Hey, Slasher, dude.

Hey, Slasher, how's the tattoo business?

Oh, couldn't be better.

Skulls are really moving these days.

Yeah, so, Codeman,

What do I owe you for the work on the bike?

Well, let's see, uh, tune up, brake job,

rebuilt the carburetor, adjusted the lifters.

That'll be nine bucks.

Nine bucks?

Well, okay, eight bucks, but not a penny less.

Dude, you drive a hard bargain.

No, no, I'll pay you the nine bucks.

Codeman, you're a beautiful human being.

Alright, you're a credit to the species yourself.

[ENGINE REVVING]

Oh, purrs like a kitten.

You know, the bigger they are,

the more tattoos fit on their body.

Cody, I know Slasher's your friend,

but you only charged him nine bucks.

Well, I charge everybody nine bucks.

That eliminates the billing hassle

and it's easier to make change. I mean, a dude gives you a ten,

you give him a buck back.

But you did so much work on the bike.

I mean, the parts alone must've cost a hundred bucks.

Yeah, let me let you in on a little secret.

Not all the parts are new.

Yeah, you'd be surprised at how many perfectly good parts you

can find driving around on trash night.

Cody, you are the best repair guy in town.

You just gotta change the way you do business.

What do you mean?

Well, you gotta open up a real repair shop where you can

service more customers.

And you gotta start charging more than nine bucks or you're

never gonna make any money.

Yeah, but I don't care about making money.

I mean, I just like fixing bikes.

You know, and helping people.

Well, if you had a bigger shop, you could help more people

Whoa, dude, I never thought about that.

Alright, let's do it.

Where are you going?

Oh, dude, it's trash night.

If I'm not out there by five o'clock,

all the good parts are gone.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

MAN: ♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ Say, "My Lord I think I found someone"

♪ You know it will be better

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

ALL: ♪ A fresh start over"

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

MAN: ♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by Step, day by day

WOMAN: ♪ We'll make it better

MAN: ♪ Second time around ♪

Morning, honey. Hi, hon.

Frank, do you know what next week is?

I sure do.

Yeah, yeah. Next week is a very memorable week, honey.

Next week is...

well, it's the week that starts... and becomes...

our anniversary week.

On the twenty-second. It's our anniversary.

Great, Frank, you forgot again.

No, no, I didn't, honey.

I think I just kind of blocked it out.

Don't you remember last year we got into a fight?

You said you didn't want a gift, so I didn't get you a gift.

And then you got mad at me because I didn't get you a gift.

Well, this year, I'll make it easy on you. I want a gift.

Alright. I'm gonna run out and buy you a very nice,

very expensive gift.

Oh, Frank, you don't have to spend a lot of money on a gift.

It's the thought that counts.

Okay, listen, I'll tell you what.

Let's spend five bucks and get each other a joke gift.

Is that what our marriage is to you? A joke?

Okay.

I see you have a certain number in your mind,

and you don't want to tell me what it is.

So, I'm just gonna throw out a few

random dollar amounts here, okay?

Ten dollars?

Ten thousand dollars? Thirty nine ninety-five?

Twenty five dollars.

Twenty five. That was my next guess.

See? That wasn't hard, was it?

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Ew, yuck.

Oh, Frank is just gonna love this cologne.

Thanks so much for helping me pick it out.

My pleasure. I'd go anywhere to hear that noise

the credit card machine makes.

Ooh, I love that.

Well, simple things mean a lot.

Hi, guys.

CAROL AND KAREN: Hi.

What's that?

Oh, it's my anniversary gift for Frank.

Oh, right. Your anniversary.

The day the Beverly Hillbillies moved in.

You know, Dana, these insults about the Lamberts are really

getting old.

You're right. I better go work on some new ones.

Okay, help me find a place to hide my gift for Frank.

What if we buy a box of frozen waffles, dump the waffles,

put the cologne inside, and then stick it back in the freezer?

How about we hide it in the dining room

behind the good silver?

Yeah, that would work, too.

FRANK:I'm home.

[GASPS]That's Frank!

FRANK: Carol?

Carol?

Honey?

Carol?

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, hi, pal. Hey, come and see the anniversary present that I

got for Carol.

This baby set me back fifty smackers.

But I thought you were only supposed to spend

twenty-five smackers.

Well, yeah, I know that's what we said,

but let me explain something to you here, son

There's a big difference between men and women.

I know. Women are different because they don't have a winky.

Well, that's true.

And I'm glad to see our little fishing trip paid off.

But I'm talking about a different difference here.

You see, when women say they want a little gift,

what they really mean is they want a nice big gift.

You mean, like when Susie Wilson says she only wants

a few of my Gummy Bears, but she really wants the whole bag?

That's it. Women want the whole bag of Gummy Bears.

And if you've got Gummy Worms, they want those, too.

Man, being a guy is brutal.

Come on upstairs and let's wrap this before Carol sees it, huh?

I can't believe that.

We specifically said we'd only spend twenty-five dollars

and he already broke the rules and spent fifty.

But, Mother, you spent thirty-five.

Doesn't that mean you broke the rules, too?

Yeah, but only by ten dollars. Besides, most of that was tax.

Mother, I don't understand what the problem is.

Anniversary gifts show how much you love each other.

Frank loves me fifty dollars worth. I love him thirty-five.

What does that say to you?

That Frank loves you more?

Exactly.

Well, I am not gonna let him get away with it.

If he loves me fifty dollars worth,

I am gonna love him seventy-five.

How about me? I could use some love, too.

I don't know, cuz. I'm not so sure these banker type guys are

gonna give a guy like me a loan. I mean, they wear their

wing tips pretty tight, if you know what I'm saying.

Are you kidding, Cody? Look at this. Car loans, home loans,

boat loans. These guys are just dying to give money away.

Okay now, just act business like.

Cody Lambert?

Yo, Dudesie.

Sorry, yes, I am he.

This is my business associate, John Thomas Lambert.

It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.

We're here to see you about a business loan.

Certainly. Why don't you just have a seat

and we'll discuss your financial qualifications.

Tight, tight, tight.

So, what kind of business are you in

and how much are you looking to borrow?

Well, we want to open up a motorcycle repair shop,

so we'll need about ten thousand dollars in start up costs.

Do you have any collateral?

Oh, no, sir. I eat a fat free, high fiber diet.

Yeah, you could drive a bus through my arteries.

Not cholesterol, collateral.

He owns his own home.

Good. How many square feet is it?

Well, let's see, with the bedroom, dining room,

living room and breakfast nook and kitchen and foyer,

I'd say... about eleven.

That's eleven hundred?

Dude, it's a van, not an ocean liner.

You live in a van?

I'm not just upwardly mobile, I am completely mobile.

Well, I think I have all the information I need.

Great. So when do we get the loan?

When Willard Scott wishes you a happy birthday.

Excuse me.

Dude, I'm not too familiar with banking terminology,

but I'd say that's a big fat negatory on the loan. Come on.

[DOOR OPENS]

Codeman. JT.

Hey, Slasher.

How you doing?

Oh, man, color me rejected.

I came in here to try to get a loan to open up a real

motorcycle shop. They shot me down like a low flying duck.

Is that right? They wouldn't give you a loan?

No.

Well, let me have a little powwow with Mr. Baxter over here

and see if I can't unfreeze his assets.

Excuse me.

Mr. O'Reilly.

There you go.

Always a pleasure to see you, sir.

Now, what brings you here today? Making a deposit I hope.

Well, maybe. Maybe not.

There's an ugly rumor going around that my friend here,

Cody Lambert, got turned down for a loan.

He's your friend?

Yeah, he's a good friend.

So, I hope there's no truth to the rumor 'cause I'd hate to

take my multi million dollar account to another establishment

Well, I'd hate that, too, sir.

[CHUCKLES]

Don't move. Okay.

Oh look, I have your application right here.

It just came back.

And congratulations, it's been approved.

I'll go cut the check.

Yeah, and while you do that, could you get me a cappuccino?

Yes, sir. Yeah, but I'd like it with one

sugar.

Alright, Slasher, chairman of the board.

Uh, would you guys like a cappuccino?

Yeah.

Three cappuccinos.

And put an umbrella in mine.

And hurry.

Alright, men. Looking good. If everything goes as planned,

we'll be moving into our permanent world headquarters

in just a few weeks.

Hey, JT. You know, I've been thinking.

Since you're taking Cody's business big time,

you're going to need an accountant.

Oh, that's a good point. Where can I find one?

Tah dah.

You know something? You're a pushy little weasel.

But, I like that in an accountant. You're hired.

Take a look at our budget.

Mmm. Major problemo.

You're paying yourself way too much money.

Either you take a pay cut or you

find a way to down size the company.

Okay. Well, how's this for down sizing?

You're fired.

Don't I get a warning?

Yeah, get out of my sight before

I hit you in the head with a wrench.

Fair enough.

Whoa, hogs galore.

Hey, what's shakin', dudes?

Cody, I'm glad you're back. I want you to meet the guys.

This is Garth, Billy and Dave.

Garth, Billy, Dave. Who are they?

They're the mechanics.

Then who am I?

You're the President, Chief Executive and

Chairman of the Board.

John Thomas, can I have a board meeting with you over at the

executive picnic table, please?

Now, uh, I don't want to tell you how to run my business,

but, uh, I thought I'd be the mechanic.

Number one, I like working on motorcycles.

And number two, we can't afford to pay these guys.

I mean, do the math, cuz.

You split nine bucks five ways, give Uncle Sam his, what you got

left is snow cone money.

Cody, you're not charging nine bucks anymore.

Here's the new price list.

Eighty bucks for a tune up?

A hundred and twenty bucks for a brake job?

Two hundred fifty bucks for a new clutch?

Dude, these prices are way too high.

Cody, it's what all the other repair guys in town are charging

And do you know why?

Yeah, because they're ripping people off.

No, because that's what it costs to run a successful shop.

You know what happens if you

charge less than all the other repair guys?

You'll put them out of business.

Then they can't afford to remodel their houses,

so my dad's out of work.

Then their wives can't afford to go to the beauty parlor,

so Carol's out of work.

And before you know it, the whole economy of Port Washington

goes down the toilet, and it's all your fault.

Wow, I'd be like that Mr. Potter dude in "It's a Wonderful Life."

It'd be like stealing money from Uncle Billy.

And then George would jump into the river and then Donna Reed

would never get her own TV show.

Cody, this is America.

It is your patriotic duty to charge outrageous prices.

Wow. That's a lot of pressure.

No wonder Uncle Billy almost lost his mind.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, JT. Say, how's the business coming?

Oh, it's great. Cody and I are making a fortune.

You know, son, making a lot of money is a big responsibility.

Dad, Dad, I know it's a big responsibility.

And, uh, I just want you to know that when you're an old geezer,

drooling on yourself and eating baby food,

I'm taking care of you.

I'm sticking you in the best nursing home money can buy.

Who loves ya', huh?

Hey, JT. Dad, you've got a big problem.

I know, but he's my son and I have to keep him.

Not that.

Carol bought you a tape deck that cost a hundred bucks.

A hundred bucks? How do you know that?

Hey, you listen at the heating vent long enough,

you find out all kinds of stuff.

You weren't listening at the heating vent

last night about eleven thirty, were you?

Yeah. Were you guys watching a rodeo?

Yeah, I'll turn it down next time, okay?

But now, I gotta go to the store to get a better gift for Carol.

Hey, listen, if you see Carol, don't mention the rodeo, huh?

♪ I got the blues. I got the blues.

♪ I got the used to like working on motorcycles but

♪ I 'm a big shot now and my cousin won't let me work on 'em

♪ Blues...

Cody.

♪ I got the blues. I got the blues...

Cody, what's the matter?

♪ I got the blues ♪

I guess you're one of those dudes

that don't listen to the lyrics, huh?

No, I got that much.

I just would like to know what you got the blues about?

Well, I know JT and I are making money and everything, but

I miss working on the motorcycles myself.

To me, fixing a bike is just like being an artist, you know?

I mean, Rembrandt didn't tell somebody, "Hey, see those Dutch

guys over there? Go paint their picture," you know?

Well, I'm an artist, too. At least I used to be.

Cody, if you're not happy, why don't you forget about the big

time and go back to working on bikes yourself?

I can't do that to JT. He's my partner.

Cody, let me explain something to you here.

JT is not a partner, he's a barnacle.

You've got the talent, you've got the reputation,

you bring in the customers.

JT's just a bloodsucking parasite along for the ride.

Yeah, but you gotta admit, he's real good at it.

Listen, you just forget about JT.

The only person you have to take care of is you.

Thanks, Uncle Frank.

You're like a bridge over troubled water.

You light up my life.

You're like the wind beneath my wings.

Well, Cody, how sweet it is to be loved by you.

So, tomorrow's our anniversary.

The day we exchange our gifts. Are you ready?

Oh, yeah. How about you?

Oh, I'm ready.

[CHUCKLES]

So, when do you want to exchange gifts? At dinner?

Well, how about lunch?

How about breakfast?

How about now?

You're on!

Here you go, Frank. Happy anniversary.

A Vince Lombardi football?

Autographed.

This must've cost you a fortune.

One sixty-seven fifty, plus tax.

I knew you'd do this. I knew you'd cheat.

I knew that you would spend more than you were supposed to.

But you know what? You didn't spend enough.

Happy anniversary.

You cheated, didn't you?

Oh, like you didn't cheat.

Well, I only cheated because you cheated, you cheater.

Diamond earrings?

Oh, Frank, you are so low.

You bet I am. Those babies set me back two hundred bucks. Two!

Oh, I suppose that's your way of showing you love me,

by buying me a really expensive gift?

That's right! I love you! So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Well, I love you just as much, mister.

And I am going to prove it.

Okay, here we go.

Ten, twenty, thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two.

There, we're even. In fact, I will even throw in another buck.

Ha! I win.

[LAUGHS]

[DOOR KNOCKS]

Yeah, who is it?

It's Brendan. Are you guys having a fight?

No, we're exchanging gifts.

Good. I have a gift for you guys, too.

It's an anniversary card.

Thanks, pal.

I hope it's okay. I didn't have any money, so I made it myself.

Oh, gee. Oh, Brendan, it's so beautiful. Thank you.

Oh, you know, it's not how much a gift costs.

It's the thought that counts.

Yeah, that's right, son. And it's terrific. Thank you.

Carol, I'm sorry. I've been a real jerk here.

Oh, me, too. I am so sorry. I love the earrings.

They're beautiful.

Yeah, the football is Wonderful.

I love you.

Ew, yuck

Cody, I don't understand you. We could've been rich.

We could've had babes.

We could've been driving a Maserati.

We could've had babes. We could've had a yacht.

We could've had babes.

Dude, there's more to life than just money.

I know, there's babes.

Cuz, you know what your problem is?

Yeah, I don't have any babes!

Dude, you gotta find yourself an activity.

You know, something to burn off some

of that hormonal energy you got.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Maybe I'll join a gym.

I hear that's a good place to meet babes.