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1
00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:08,921
Oh, Frank, I'm trying
to balance your books
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,402
but I can't find your
petty cash receipts anywhere.
3
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:12,838
Oh, honey, yeah.
4
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:13,926
They're right here.
5
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:21,021
Is this supposed
to be a receipt?
6
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,805
Oh, yeah. You know,
I got this banana
7
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:24,633
at the fruit stand the other day
and they didn't have receipts.
8
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:25,895
So, I wrote it here on the peel.
9
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,942
"Banana, thirty-nine cents."
10
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,511
Well, at least
it wasn't a burrito.
11
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,601
Hey, uncle Frank.
12
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:38,125
Hi.
Hey, Carol.
13
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:40,562
You remember my buddy, Slasher.
Don't you?
14
00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:42,955
Oh, yeah. Well, usually
I have trouble putting
15
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,784
a name with a face
but yours just go together.
16
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:49,353
Well, sort of like, uh...
peaches and cream, huh?
17
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,964
Hi, Slasher.
Well, how you doing?
18
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,097
And this is his
beguiling wife, Debbie.
19
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:55,664
Hi.
20
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,100
You're married to Slasher?
21
00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,059
Five years.
22
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,712
And we're still
on our honeymoon.
23
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:06,892
And this little dude
is the fruit of their loom.
24
00:01:08,677 --> 00:01:10,157
He's a biker baby. Guess what,
25
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:11,332
his name is Harley.
26
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:14,030
Gotta love that.
27
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:18,643
Aw, he is so cute.
28
00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:21,733
Is that a tattoo?
29
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,387
Yep, did it myself.
30
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:25,302
That's my gig.
31
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:28,958
You tattoo babies?
32
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,699
Oh, no. It's just a rub-on.
33
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:33,963
Slasher owns a company
that makes temporary tattoos.
34
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,661
You mean, people actually
pay money to rub those little
35
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:37,793
tattoos on their bodies?
36
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:40,100
Yeah, go figure.
37
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,102
We did three million
world-wide last year.
38
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,020
You know, uh...
39
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,500
Slasher and Debbie wanted
to leave town this weekend,
40
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:51,807
and leave the little dude
with his uncle Codeman.
41
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,939
Yeah, of course, it's okay.
42
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:56,812
Now, that three million,
is that gross or net?
43
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,031
Units.
44
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,294
They sell
for five bucks a piece.
45
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:05,212
That's 15 million dollars.
46
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,865
Yeah, not too bad for a dude
47
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,476
who is two toes
shy of a full set.
48
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,044
Go ahead, show them, Slasher.
49
00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,090
Break them out.
50
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,658
Well, maybe next time.
51
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:17,963
'Cause we gotta catch a plane.
52
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,356
Yeah, we better hurry, sweetie.
53
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:20,749
You know how that
plate in your head
54
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,664
always sets off
the metal detectors.
55
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,667
Thank you, pumpkin.
56
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,669
Come on, let's go wave
bye-bye to mommy and daddy.
57
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:28,757
Bye.
58
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
Carol, I don't get it.
59
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:37,200
I mean, I'm busting my hump here
to try and make ends meet,
60
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:39,898
and that guy has got eight toes
a plate in his head
61
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,509
and he's worth
15 million dollars.
62
00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:45,948
Where did I go wrong?
63
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:48,124
Maybe, it starts
with your book keeping system.
64
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:54,565
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
65
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:07,709
[SCREAMING]
66
00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:10,625
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
67
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,192
♪ The dream wide broken
68
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,194
♪ Seemed like all was lost
69
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,108
♪ What would be the future?
70
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,632
♪ Could you pay the cost?
71
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,068
♪ You wonder
72
00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:20,330
♪ Will there ever be
73
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:23,594
♪ A second time around?
74
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,596
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a
75
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,555
♪ When the tears are over
76
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,557
♪ And the moment has come
77
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:33,430
♪ Say "My lord,
I think I found someone"
78
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,084
♪ You know it will be better
79
00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:37,086
♪ 'Cause you're
Putting it together
80
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,697
♪ For the second time around
81
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:48,358
ALL:
♪ Step by step, day by day
82
00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:49,881
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
83
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,535
ALL:
♪ A fresh start over
84
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,494
♪ A different hand to play
85
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,452
♪ The deeper we fall
86
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,759
♪ The stronger we stay
87
00:03:57,846 --> 00:03:59,630
MAN:
♪ It will be better
88
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,284
♪ The second time around
89
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:05,245
ALL:
♪ Step by Step, day by day
90
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,203
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
91
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:09,249
♪ The second time around ♪
92
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:23,088
[MUSIC PLAYING]
93
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:31,227
Man, you're not gonna believe
what happened in school today.
94
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:33,925
You dissected a frog
95
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,318
and found out
it had a bigger brain than you?
96
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:38,626
That was good.
97
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,717
No, Barky.
98
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,458
Our English teacher
expects us to read a book,
99
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,808
then write a five page report
on it over the weekend.
100
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:49,854
You mean, she just sprung this
on you at the last second?
101
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:53,728
Well, she claims
she gave it to us a month ago.
102
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,817
But it's not fair to assign work
when people are sleeping
103
00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:56,905
in class.
104
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,691
And she definitely knew
we were sleeping.
105
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:01,910
She was the one who woke us up.
106
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,654
We have to pick one
from this list.
107
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,525
"Catcher in the Rye,
The Animal Farm,
108
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,092
"The Old Man and the Sea..."
109
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,659
I mean, there's like,
20 books on this list
110
00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:13,704
and not one of them
is available at the video store.
111
00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:17,969
Gee, those are great books.
112
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,754
I've written reports
on almost all of them.
113
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:22,234
Oh, really?
114
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:24,062
Little man.
115
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,589
How about you let me take
a look at one of those papers?
116
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,678
What do you mean by,
"take a look"?
117
00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:31,940
Turn it in with my name on it.
118
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:37,380
Sorry, JT. You're gonna
have to write your own report.
119
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:38,947
But, I'd be happy
to critique it.
120
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,560
Shut up, Poindexter.
121
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,649
Come on, Doug. Let's go
torture ourselves and read.
122
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,134
Wow, a whole book.
123
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,005
This is the most reading
JT has done since
124
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,833
that kiddie menu
at the Pancake House.
125
00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:58,532
Oh, he didn't read that.
126
00:05:58,619 --> 00:05:59,837
He just colored in the clown.
127
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,323
Book reports.
128
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:10,935
Man, this bites.
129
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:12,023
Yeah.
130
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:17,072
Can you believe we have to waste
a weekend writing a bogus report
131
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:18,290
when there's perfectly
good ones right there
132
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,335
in your stepbrother's computer.
133
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,337
Yeah.
134
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:27,909
Wait a minute.
135
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,040
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
136
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,827
Holly Herman in a leotard
on a cold day?
137
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,093
I'm not thinking
about Holly Herman.
138
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,270
At least I wasn't.
139
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,579
We don't need
o get Mark's permission,
140
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,276
We can steal them
right out of his computer.
141
00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:48,364
Watch the door.
142
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,978
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
143
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,850
[COMPUTER VOICE] Hello, Mark.
Thanks for turning me on.
144
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:01,595
What is that?
145
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:05,729
It's Mark's special friend.
146
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:07,644
It's as close as he's ever
gonna get to a woman.
147
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:14,521
Ah, here they are.
148
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:17,001
Wow. He's got reports
from at least ten books
149
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,047
on our list.
All right.
150
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:21,876
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
151
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,967
Cathy Blair in a short skirt
on windy day?
152
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,710
No, that's not
what I'm thinking.
153
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:32,669
Wait a minute,
what was I thinking?
154
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,586
Oh, yeah! Uh...
155
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,980
We can steal a bunch papers
from your brother's computer,
156
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:42,374
and sell them to the rest
of the guys in our class.
157
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,725
Man, you're a genius!
So, are you.
158
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:45,769
I know.
159
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:48,424
Now, how do you print?
160
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:49,469
[MUSIC PLAYING]
161
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,955
Yes, you are so cute.
162
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,261
Yes, you are.
[BABY COOING]
163
00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,613
Where's Harley?
164
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:05,833
There he is.
165
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,617
[CAROL BABY-TALKING]
166
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,489
Uh, Carol.
Yeah?
167
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,665
When your kids were babies
did you talk to them like that?
168
00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:12,883
Oh, all the time.
169
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:15,582
No wonder
they are all screwed up.
170
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,022
[BABY-TALK VOICE]
Don't you listen to her.
171
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,893
She comes from
a dysfunctional family.
172
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:28,072
Hey, aunt Carol.
Uh-huh.
173
00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:29,987
I'm having a little trouble
with these feeding instructions
174
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,554
Debbie left me.
175
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,425
Can you read her handwriting?
Sure.
176
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,645
"Heat milk to room temperature
and be sure to boil nipples."
177
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:44,828
Dude.
178
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,572
Not your nipples,
The rubber nipples.
179
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:52,880
Wow, I'm glad I asked.
180
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:55,926
Okay, little brother,
181
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,798
you wanna go upstairs
and take a bath?
182
00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,451
Do you want me
to help you with that, Cody?
183
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,844
I mean, it's kind of tricky
giving a baby a bath.
184
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,759
Well, how tricky can a bath be?
185
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:03,847
I'll just strap him to the back
of my motorcycle and run him
186
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:04,892
through the car wash.
187
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,201
You're kidding, right?
188
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,943
Of course, I'm kidding.
189
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:15,424
Like I'm really gonna run my
motorcycle through a car wash.
190
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,949
Learned my lesson
the first time.
191
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,780
All right, little buddy.
You hang out here with Carol
192
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,173
and I'll go get
your bath water ready, okay?
193
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,304
Okay.
Oh, Cody.
194
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,349
Make sure the water is warm.
195
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:28,872
But not too warm
196
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,657
because a baby's skin
is very sensitive.
197
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:32,136
And, when you shampoo his hair
make sure that you don't--
198
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:35,052
Carol, chill.
199
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:37,228
God, you know, it's not like
I don't have any experience
200
00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,316
with this sort of thing.
201
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:39,840
I used to be a baby myself.
202
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,716
Oh, honey, look.
203
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,370
I've been down at the office
running some numbers
204
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:49,893
and check this out.
205
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,547
The way I got it figured,
this Slasher guy makes
206
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,028
about 9,000 dollars an hour
207
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,988
Do you know what this means?
208
00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,120
Forget about the money.
209
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,252
Come, look at this little guy.
210
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:04,647
[BABY-TALK] Is he the happiest
little baby you have ever seen?
211
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,780
Yeah, well, I'll be happy too
212
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:09,217
if my old man was worth
fifteen million bucks.
213
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:13,830
Well, you know, Frank,
having a baby around,
214
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:14,918
it just makes me kind of--
215
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,485
No, don't say it.
216
00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:19,836
Well, I was just think--
No, don't. Don't.
217
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,446
Don't. Don't even think.
218
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:24,885
Well, it's not that crazy.
219
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:26,582
I mean, maybe, you and I
could have a baby?
220
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,236
Oh! Well.
221
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,411
There you go, you said it.
222
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,675
Now, it might happen.
223
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,416
Oh, come on.
224
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:37,332
Haven't you ever dreamed
of having another child, mm?
225
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:40,509
Carol, we have six kids.
226
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,250
I don't want more. I want less.
227
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:48,038
I'd trade any two of them
in on a good set of golf clubs.
228
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:53,217
Well, I dare you
to hold little Harley.
229
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:54,654
And you tell me
FRANK: No, no. No, no...
230
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,307
CAROL: If you wouldn't
wanna have another baby.
231
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:57,657
Okay, come on.
No, honey. I don't want it.
232
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:58,701
Take him.
[FRANK WHINING]
233
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,834
Oh, don't whine.
Here take him.
234
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:03,010
Okay, here we are.
235
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,015
Well?
236
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,190
Hmm?
237
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,366
Well, honey, I can
238
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,194
honestly say that I do not
239
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,369
want another baby.
240
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,457
[BABY COOING]
241
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,068
Why not?
242
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:21,811
Because, this one treats me
the same way your kids treat me.
243
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:28,949
[MUSIC PLAYING]
244
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,042
Dana, can I wear
your pearl earrings tonight?
245
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:36,565
I have a date.
Sure.
246
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,001
Who're you going out with?
247
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:40,351
Brad Farmer, the captain
of the football team.
248
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,702
I thought he canceled
'cause he had a book report due.
249
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,573
Didn't you hear the good news?
250
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,401
JT stole some papers from Mark
and he's going to sell them
251
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,708
to the guys
on the football team tomorrow.
252
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:50,579
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
253
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:53,495
He stole them
and he's selling them to people?
254
00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:54,670
Yeah.
255
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,193
Hey, you like my new lip gloss?
256
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,673
It's called Cherry Cha-Cha.
257
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:04,636
Karen.
258
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,988
Doesn't it bother you
what JT did?
259
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:12,166
Dana, whenever something happens
I ask myself one question,
260
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:15,473
"how does this
affect me, Karen Foster?"
261
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,258
In this case, it's a good thing.
262
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,913
I get to go out on my date
with Brad, a very cute guy.
263
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,088
Exceptional hair.
264
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,963
Karen, did it ever occur to you
that there are other people
265
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,008
in this world?
266
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,053
Yes.
267
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:30,837
But, what does that
have to do with me?
268
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:34,666
[LOW TEMPO MUSIC]
269
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:47,288
[COMPUTER VOICE] Hello, Mark.
Thanks for turning me on.
270
00:12:48,593 --> 00:12:50,682
My pleasure, Charlene.
271
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:54,382
[MARK TYPING]
272
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:56,514
[COMPUTER VOICE] You know all the right buttons to push.
273
00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:59,300
Well, what can I say,
274
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,388
it's a gift.
275
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,087
Oh, man, get a life!
276
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,573
Mark.
277
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:12,966
I've gotta talk to you.
278
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:14,750
JT stole some
of your book reports
279
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,317
and he's planning
on selling them to the
280
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:18,232
football team tomorrow.
281
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:21,409
He broke into my computer?
282
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,934
If he hasn't sold them yet
maybe they're still here.
283
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,762
Try the third drawer
on the left.
284
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,243
That's where he hides
his Victoria's Secret catalog.
285
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,119
Mm-hmm, what do we have here?
286
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:38,905
Book reports.
287
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,341
"The Old Man and the Sea,
288
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,256
"by Brad Farmer."
289
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:45,389
" Animal Farmby Ed
'too tall' Covington."
290
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,957
I'm gonna tell mom.
291
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,046
Mark, I'm surprised at you.
292
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:52,570
Why would you wanna get JT
in trouble with mom,
293
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:54,050
who would only punish him,
294
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,617
when you could
get him in trouble
295
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,314
with the football team,
who would kill him?
296
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:03,712
Dana, you are evil,
twisted and sick.
297
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:04,887
I can learn a lot from you.
298
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,542
Watch this.
299
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,112
" Animal Farm
300
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:15,550
"by Ed 'too tall' Covington.
301
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,990
"Old McDonald
had an animal farm,
302
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,775
"E-I-E-I-O."
303
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:26,953
[MUSIC PLAYING]
304
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,526
[BABY COOING]
305
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:37,093
You like the bike, huh?
306
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,052
Yeah, buddy.
307
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:41,793
Hey, Cody. Do you mind if I
read Harley a bed time story
308
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,230
before he goes to sleep?
309
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,014
No, not at all, Carol.
Thanks.
310
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,973
I've been saving this book
until I have grandchildren.
311
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,452
Okay, Harley.
312
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:50,280
Tonight we are
going to read the story of
313
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:52,587
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
314
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:53,718
Carol,
315
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,590
the three bears?
316
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:59,028
I hardly think that story is
appropriate for a small child.
317
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,030
Teach him that it's okay
to break in someone's place,
318
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,467
bust up all their stuff
and scarf down their porridge?
319
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,340
[CODY SCOFFS]
Well...
320
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,776
How about Three Little Pigs?
321
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,560
The Three Little Pigs?
322
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,911
And instill in him a fear
that some buff dude is gonna
323
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,913
come along and huff and puff
and blow his house down?
324
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,570
Bambi?
Bambi?What are you, nuts?
325
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,268
Bambi's mother dies.
326
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,791
Why don't you just get him
a Freddy Krueger doll
327
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:23,879
and lock him in a closet?
328
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,623
But, Cody, these stories
have worked for 12 centuries.
329
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,277
What do you suggest?
330
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,715
Okay... I'm gonna tell him
a story that I wrote.
331
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:35,935
It's called
"The Little Dirtbike that could"
332
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:36,979
All right.
333
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:39,764
Okay, now.
334
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,462
Once upon a time,
335
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,681
there was an enchanted forest,
336
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,335
and a ginger bread house,
337
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,946
and a regulation
motor cross track.
338
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:49,209
Yeah, okay.
339
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:50,950
Now. All right, now.
340
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,299
Every day...
341
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:53,909
they have races
in this motor cross track
342
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:56,520
but most of the bikes
were really humongous.
343
00:15:56,607 --> 00:16:00,481
But, there was one little
dirt bike named Harley.
344
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,919
Okay, now.
345
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,616
It was really hard for Harley
to win because he had
346
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,531
a smaller wheel base
than all those other dirt bikes
347
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:08,663
over there. Okay?
348
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,578
But, he kept saying to himself,
349
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:13,276
"I think I can.
I think I can.
I think I can."
350
00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,539
And then, one day
he just zipped ahead
351
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,367
of the other pack
and he won the race,
352
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,152
and the right to qualify
at the Winternationals
353
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,458
in Boca Raton, Florida.
354
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:24,113
Dude. And they all
lived happily ever after.
355
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,637
Cody, I'm really impressed.
356
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:27,812
You are a natural father.
357
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,424
You think he's happy now?
358
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:31,599
You ought to see him
when I dress him up like Elvis.
359
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,037
[BABY COOING]
360
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,039
[MUSIC PLAYING]
361
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:41,391
Last week, Frank Lambert,
362
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:44,133
ordinary construction worker.
363
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,006
This week, he's putting
for the Masters...
364
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:51,097
and 15 million dollars.
365
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,232
[DOOR BELL RINGS]
366
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,149
[FRANK GRUMBLING]
367
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,067
What can I do for you boys?
368
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:06,808
We're here to see JT.
369
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,636
Ah, gee. Well, he's not here.
Can I take a message?
370
00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:10,116
Sure, if you wouldn't mind...
371
00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:11,552
let him know
we'd like our money back.
372
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:12,988
Otherwise, we are gonna
have to crush his skull.
373
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,121
Here's your paper.
Oh, thanks.
374
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,906
[CONFUSED STUTTERING]
Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
375
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:19,429
Guys, come in here
a second. Come here.
376
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,520
What exactly do you mean
377
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:25,827
you're gonna
crush my son's skull?
378
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:27,916
He sold us some
bogus book reports.
379
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,092
He said they're written
by his genius stepbrother.
380
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:31,137
Look at that.
381
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:33,878
"The Graces of Wrath.
382
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:39,493
"Ernest and Julio Wrath
started their winery in 1837."
383
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,671
I may have taken
a couple of shots to the head
384
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,368
but even
I know that's not right.
385
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,154
Yeah. Well, listen.
386
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,720
Guys, I'm sorry
my son ripped you off,
387
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,548
and I promise you,
you'll get your money back.
388
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:54,247
But I will take care
of disciplining JT.
389
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,901
Are you sure? I mean,
we'd be glad to crush his skull.
390
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,077
It only takes a second.
391
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,645
You see, well,
that's a very generous offer.
392
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:06,259
But... I don't wanna kill him
I just wanna teach him a lesson.
393
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,043
Can we at least
scare him a little?
394
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:09,610
I mean, I'd hate to think
we came all the way over here
395
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:10,654
for nothing.
396
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,050
Scare him?
397
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,096
Now, that's a good idea.
398
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,923
Hey, sit down boys.
Let's talk this over.
399
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:20,969
[MUSIC PLAYING]
400
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:31,936
Dad, I'm going to the park
to shoot some hoops.
401
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,329
Wait a minute, JT.
402
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,245
Sit down for a second.
403
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:41,424
We never talk.
404
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:42,730
I thought
that's the way you liked it.
405
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,472
[DOORBELL RINGS]
406
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,778
Oh, I wonder who that could be.
407
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,215
Would you get that for me?
408
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,259
Sure, dad.
409
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:55,873
Hey, guys. What's up?
You. We're gonna kill you.
410
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,005
Huh?
411
00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,572
Dad, help!
412
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,400
Now, wait.
Wait, wait a minute, guys.
413
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,358
Wait a minute.
Now, put my son down.
414
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,929
Now, what is going on here?
415
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,148
Yeah, read this.
416
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:16,242
Hey, I didn't give you that.
I sold you good book reports.
417
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:17,982
Uh... um... I mean...
418
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,594
You sold them book reports?
419
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:24,685
Yeah, he said he stole it from
a smart guy. But these stink.
420
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:27,166
And if I turn that junk in
I'm gonna flunk English.
421
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:28,210
Again.
422
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:33,607
That's why we're gonna
hang him from a tree,
423
00:19:33,694 --> 00:19:35,739
and beat him like a pinata.
424
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,611
Just, wait a minute,
nobody is doing anything
425
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:38,873
until we talk this through.
426
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,354
Let me see.
427
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,226
You gave JT your money
for some good book reports?
428
00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:45,749
And he gave you bad ones.
429
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,664
So, JT has got your money
430
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:48,883
and you're gonna flunk.
431
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,756
Sounds like pinata time to me.
432
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:55,890
[JT YELLING]
433
00:19:55,977 --> 00:19:58,022
Dad, help me.
Help me, please.
I'm your son!
434
00:19:58,109 --> 00:19:59,067
And you'll always be my son.
435
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,634
I'll come to the hospital.
436
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:03,506
Dad! Dad, please. Please!
I'm begging you. Help me!
437
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:04,986
Okay, all right. Wait. Wait.
Wait a second, guys.
438
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,857
This is crazy.
439
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,816
No sense wasting these.
His brother can grow into them.
440
00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:13,386
Dad! Dad, please,
I'll do anything! I'll be good!
441
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,388
I'll be real good.
Just don't let them hurt me.
442
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,042
Guys, put him down.
443
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,091
That was
really cool, Mr. Lambert.
444
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:25,485
Most fathers won't let us
torture their kids that long.
445
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:26,529
Thanks a lot.
446
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:28,749
See you, JT.
447
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:32,796
[FRANK SIGHS]
448
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:35,886
This was your idea?
449
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,062
Well, me and "too tall."
450
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:41,022
Come on, JT.
451
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,329
Let's talk
about your punishment.
452
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,156
I know. I know.
I'm grounded for a month.
453
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,985
I was only gonna say for a week.
454
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:49,073
Have it your way.
455
00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,643
Man, how could this happen?
456
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,994
Hi, we're home.
Hey.
457
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,650
You. You switched the papers.
458
00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:03,262
Me? I had nothing to do with
changing those book reports.
459
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:10,051
Coming, Karen.
Freeze, blondie!
460
00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:13,881
What's going on?
461
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:17,276
Well, JT stole some of Mark's
book reports and sold them
462
00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:19,539
to the football team. But first,
463
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:22,411
someone very clever,
rewrote them. Very badly.
464
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:24,805
Mark is clever.
465
00:21:26,502 --> 00:21:28,983
Clever, with a mean streak.
466
00:21:35,163 --> 00:21:36,164
That would be me.
467
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:42,170
Well, Dana,
I have an idea.
468
00:21:42,257 --> 00:21:44,738
A really good idea.
469
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:49,003
You are going to help JT
write that book report.
470
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:50,787
Now, I know
where I get that mean streak.
471
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:55,009
All right, let's get it
over with, fish face.
472
00:21:55,096 --> 00:21:56,445
Don't rush me, dog breath.
473
00:21:58,317 --> 00:21:59,709
JT: Move your bony little butt.
474
00:21:59,796 --> 00:22:00,841
DANA: Eat worms.
475
00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:01,972
JT: Make me.
476
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:03,844
Grow thumbs, ape boy.
477
00:22:08,936 --> 00:22:12,505
I think I know which two
to trade for the golf clubs.
478
00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:13,549
[MUSIC PLAYING]
479
00:22:19,468 --> 00:22:20,774
Well, Harley, looks like
we timed it out pretty good.
480
00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:22,036
Your folks will
be here any second
481
00:22:22,123 --> 00:22:23,646
and you're on your last diaper.
482
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,651
Oh, hey, there we go.
The parental units are here.
483
00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:31,262
[CODY EXHALES LOUDLY]
484
00:22:32,655 --> 00:22:34,265
Hey.
Hi, Cody.
485
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:37,660
[DEBBIE GASPING] Oh, there's
my sweet little angel.
486
00:22:37,747 --> 00:22:39,532
Hi, junior. Did you miss me?
487
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:44,885
We were pretty busy
while you were away.
488
00:22:44,972 --> 00:22:47,888
You know what?
He learned his first word today.
489
00:22:47,975 --> 00:22:49,237
His first word?
490
00:22:49,324 --> 00:22:50,717
He's only nine months old.
491
00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:54,111
Hey, Slash,
our baby is a genius.
492
00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:57,637
Well, I guess the acorn
doesn't fall far from the tree.
493
00:23:00,161 --> 00:23:01,423
Okay, Harley.
494
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:03,207
Come on, tell us your word.
495
00:23:03,294 --> 00:23:04,557
Is it "mama"?
496
00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:06,602
"Dada"?
497
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:08,691
Dude.
498
00:23:10,606 --> 00:23:11,955
Yeah, he said "dude."
499
00:23:13,304 --> 00:23:14,305
Gotta love that.
35495
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