Original subtitles

MAN: [ON TV] Go away with the score.

Man, I love Sundays.

Carol and the Foster go to church and we stay here

and watch football.

Yeah, and daddy cooks for us.

I love his Sunday breakfast.

Alright, everybody, breakfast is ready.

Okay, we've got cupcakes for J.T.

Ho Hos for Al and three Twinkies

and a Moon Pie for my growing boy.

Thanks, daddy. You're a much better cook than Carol.

Yeah, she never lets us eat this good stuff.

[CAR DOOR SHUTS]

Oh, no, they're back early!

Breakfast is over!

Now, J.T., clean that up! Ah!

Oh, man!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ON TV]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

And so, as we've seen from this PBS special

the Renaissance is really a good thing.

Oh, hi. You're back from church?

Yes, and once again, my prayers have not been answered.

They're still here.

-I'm gonna go change. -Yeah, me too.

I may slip into a sportier bow tie myself.

Well, honey, you're home early.

Yeah, well, we decided not to stop

and get something to eat.

Did you guys have breakfast?

Oh, yeah. Big, healthy breakfast.

You know, most important meal of the day.

So how was church?

Very enlightening. The sermon was all about

how God punished this man Ananias for lying.

Exactly how did he punish?

Struck him dead.

Alright, kids, why don't you get your breakfast out of the couch?

We're having company for lunch.

-Oh, honey, who's coming? -The new minister and his wife.

I invited them over for a barbecue.

-Oh, man. -Are you kidding?

-Come on. -Oh, a minister here?

That's like having a spy from God in the house.

Uh, honey, could I see you in the kitchen for a minute?

See, he doesn't want a minister in here either.

Yeah, uh, I will handle this, guys.

Carol, I'm not gonna be comfortable

with a minister in the house.

Well, why not? What's the big deal?

Well, look, it doesn't have to do anything with religion.

I mean, I believe in God.

It's just that ministers are so boring.

That last guy was so dull

there were people actually stretched out in the pews.

The place looked like a bus station.

Well, this new minister is different.

He's funny, he's smart.

He makes church interesting.

That's why I want you to meet him.

I really think you're gonna like him.

This is important to you, isn't it?

Yeah, I think it's a nice thing to do.

Okay, sure. We should have them over.

Geez, now I gotta go clean the garage

see if I can find my Bible.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream wide broken seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future? Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder will there ever be a second time around?

♪ When the tears are over And the moment has come

♪ Say "My lord, I think I found someone"

♪ And no one would be better To be putting it together

♪ For the second time around

♪ Step by step

♪ Day by day ♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall the stronger we stay

♪ We'll be it better

♪ The second time around

♪ Step by step

♪ Day by day

♪ We'll make it better

♪ The second time around ♪

Come on in, guys, make yourselves at home.

Yeah, can I offer you guys some refreshments?

I'd kill for some sparkling water.

-Make that two, Codeman. -Yeah.

Can do, buds.

So, may I ask how you heard

about, uh, Cody's Custom Cycle Service?

Uh, was it my yellow page ad

or the poster I put up at Captain Winky Dog's?

No. No.

Neither. Our buddy Headcase told us about you.

-Oh, word of mouth? -Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] Loving that.

Okay, you dudes chill out here.

I'm gonna go upstairs and get my parts catalog.

I think it's in my cousin's room.

You know, he likes to check out the biker babes

and, uh, their accessories.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

-Nice place. -Yeah.

Usually I prefer that French country

but, uh, this American traditional look

has a certain rustic charm.

Hmm.

You, uh, you think this border is hand stenciled or applique?

Huh.

-Aah! -Ooh.

Let me get these for ya.

I love what you've done with this kitchen.

Yeah. Very nice.

Thank you.

-Who are you? -Oh, I'm Slasher.

I'm Death.

Okay.

-We're friends of Cody? -Yeah.

Oh, friends of Cody. Of course.

-Yeah. -Hey, here we go, buds.

Ah, I see you met Carol, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Is she your beloved?

-No, I'm his uncle's beloved. -Oh.

Well, come on, Slasher.

Let's go see what we need for our bikes.

Oh. Oh!

Carol, now don't you go anywhere because you've got to give me

the name of your decorator.

[CHUCKLES]

Cody, you're not volunteering

in that Adopt A Convict Program again, are you?

Oh, no way, what?

You know, with demolition being kind of slow and all

I thought I'd open a side business.

You know, like fixing and customizing motorcycles?

Well, you know, I hate to generalize about people

who look like psychotic killers,

but do you think these guys can afford to pay you?

Wow, good point.

Guess I shouldn't go trusting every pretty face

that comes waltzin' through the door, huh?

Hey, uh, Codeman, I got one question.

You take Gold MasterCard?

Oh, Slasher.

Master of the possibility.

[LAUGHING]

All right. Cheese.

Spice.

Buns?

Okay.

All right, guys, I'm gonna lay down some ground rules now.

Number one, lose the attitudes.

Number two, while the good reverend is here,

there will be no spitting, no swearing

and most important of all,

no picking things from parts of your body.

I'm really looking forward to talking with the reverend.

Me too. I love a spirited theological debate.

Who cares about that? I just wanna suck up to him

so he'll write me a good college recommendation.

Everybody, I want to introduce the Fielders.

I think you know my kids from church

and this is my husband, Frank.

-Hey. -How do you do?

Got my Bible right here.

I always like to read it when I barbecue.

Been in the family for years.

"Property of Sea And Sand Motel."

Uh, my parents, uh, picked it up on their honeymoon

and then handed it down to me, you know, firstborn son and all.

Oh, that's quiet a tradition.

Passing down a hot Bible.

Uh, these are my children.

This is Al, uh, J.T. and Brendan.

-Ah. -Hi.

-And this is our son, Michael. -Hi.

And this is Frank's nephew, Cody.

Wow, look at that Knucklehead.

Oh, I see you've already met Cody.

No, no, no, I mean the motorcycle.

Uh, Knuckleheads were bikes, they're made in the '40s.

Well, I rode one of these all through seminary.

Yeah? Wow, a holy man and a H.O.G. head.

Awesome combo. [CHUCKLES]

Listen, I saw your poster at Captain Winky Dog's.

Uh, I've got an XR1000 that could use a tune-up.

Wow. Yeah, hey, bring it on by.

You know, I give a 10% discount to the clergy.

Oh?

Oh, uh, pastor.

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed today's sermon.

It was the most inspiring oratory I've heard

since Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech.

Let me guess. You need a college recommendation?

Would you mind?

Well, we don't know each other very well yet

but already, I can tell you're a shameless suck-up.

Would you like me to write that

or should we get to know each other better?

Why don't we get to know each other?

Uh, could I buy you lunch later this week?

Uh, maybe detail your car?

Dana, could you help me in the kitchen?

-I'm busy. -Dana, help me in the kitchen.

Save me a place at the table next to the good reverend.

-Dana? -Do you like cigars?

Dana, in the kitchen.

-Excuse me, reverend? -Hmm?

I was leafing through the collected works

of Martin Buber and I was wondering

if you'd care to comment on his interpretation

of "Leviticus?"

Mark, uh, I'm kind of off the clock

so why don't you bag the Buber and get me a root beer?

You got it, padre.

Here, well.

[SIGHS]

Help yourself to some chips.

Oh, should, should I say grace before I eat this?

Look, uh, I know people can get a little uptight

around a minister, but I'm just a regular guy.

We can talk about regular stuff like news or sports.

Well, hey, I like sports. You like the Packers?

Oh, is the pope Catholic?

Told you there was gonna be a quiz.

Uh, maybe you and I could go to a game sometime.

-Well, usually I have to work. -Oh.

Uh, yeah, Sunday's probably your big day, huh?

As you can see, Frank has somewhat strayed from the flock.

Well, now, I wouldn't say that.

I'm sure there are people who go to church

a lot less than I do.

Like who, Frank? Atheists?

Well, alright, maybe I don't take my kids to church

often enough, but I've been meaning to change that.

Frank, it's okay. I didn't come here to drum up business.

Yeah, no. No, I mean it, as a matter of fact

I was planning on going next Sunday.

-Dad, no. -Now, J.T., now, son.

This is important and next Sunday

the Lamberts are going to church.

-Dad? -What?

The Packers are on TV next week.

Yeah, it's the biggest game of the year.

Uh, reverend

you're there every Sunday, right?

Carol, why do I have to wear a suit?

Frank, I think you look very handsome.

Yeah, but why can't I just wear what I normally do

when we go out fancy?

Oh, Frank, dressing up for church

means more than putting on your good belt buckle.

Man, this bites.

Well, look at you. You look so cute.

Wow, they're wearing neckties.

And shoes.

I can't believe you made us dress like this

and nobody died.

Well, I think you all look very nice.

Okay, Fosters, you ride with me

and, Lamberts, I will see you at the church.

You'll know it, it's the big building with the pointy roof

across the street from the House Of Donuts.

Dana?

I've gotta lose this hairstyle.

Okay, I know we would all

rather be watching the Packer game

but I made a promise to a minister

so let's make the best of it, okay?

It's okay, dad.

We're not crazy about dressing up

but we don't mind going to church.

You don't?

Nah, it's only one Sunday.

Yeah, we love going to church more than anything.

Yeah, whoa, get back here.

Alright, give me the radios.

Bonehead.

[BELL TROLLING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Thanks.

-Frank, where are the kids? -Oh, honey.

They ran across the street to the House Of Donuts.

Wouldn't want them to miss Sunday breakfast.

Well, come on, let's sit down.

You sit over here and we'll sit over here.

Oh, okay.

Oh, thanks.

Whoa. Hey, oh.

Wow, it's a beautiful place.

You know, the color in that stained glass

kind of reminds me of this quaint little chapel

in Bordeaux.

Oh, hey, Uncle Frank. Yeah. How you guys doing?

You remember Slasher and Death?

I don't believe we've actually met

but thank goodness for those handy name tags.

How you doing?

-Hi. -Hey.

Yeah, well, I told my bros that the reverend was this

uh, awesome chopper freak, so they thought they'd come down

and check out the church with me.

Yeah, you know, if we like it, we're gonna tell

all our brothers and who knows?

Next week it could look like a Grateful Dead concert.

[LAUGHING]

Bikers for the big guy.

-Gotta love that. -Yeah.

Oh, hey, guys, sit down over there.

Oh. Uh, these seats taken?

Well, thank you.

Hey!

[ORGAN MUSIC]

-Hey, Michael. -Hey, J.T.

I've been meaning to talk to you.

How would you like to watch the Packers game?

Oh, man, that'd be great.

But how are we gonna do that if we're stuck here?

Easy. I've got a TV stashed up in the attic.

Once the sermon starts, we'll sneak up there, okay?

Cool.

Oh, hey, kids, listen up.

We're sitting right up front where the minister can see us.

Now pretend you wanna be here, okay?

[COUGHS]

-Alright! Whoo-hoo-hoo! -You're the man!

Yeah!

Thank you, that was very kind.

I'd like to start by welcoming you all.

Especially the new faces.

We have the Lambert family here.

They were the ones who gave me that rousing welcome.

And over here, we have Cody Lambert's friends

Slasher and Death.

"Onward, Christian Soldiers."

I'd like to begin by reading a passage from the Beatitudes.

"Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.

'"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.

What is it?

-"Blessed are the... -Donuts, water.

REVERAND: "for they will be called sons of God."

Make it quick.

[Rev. Fielder] "Blessed are the meek

"for they will inherit the Earth.

[MALE ANNOUNCER ON TV] ...into the field for the entire first half.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]

Hey, Michael, man, this is awesome.

Whoa, watch it.

Make sure to walk on the beams. That other wood is really old.

Thanks.

[MALE ANNOUNCER ON TV] ...in its own end of the field

for the entire first half.

Now let's see if they can capitalize

on this field position.

Green Bay has the ball on the 40 yard line.

Man, this is what I call going to church.

We will now sing hymn 165 in your hymnal.

[ORGAN MUSIC]

♪ Amazing grace

♪ How sweet the sound

♪ That saved a soul

♪ Like me

♪ I once was lost... ♪

Man, I wish we were up in the attic

watching the game with J.T.

Yeah, me too.

Just do what I do.

[BOTH COUGHING]

Come on. Alright.

Now, what is going on here?

[COUGHS] Donut.

Yeah, right. Where's J.T.?

We don't know.

I can make you come here every Sunday.

He's up in the attic watching the game on TV.

Oh, gee.

♪ Was blind but now I see ♪

Yeah.

Go, go!

Oh!

Man, this is so cool.

I'd say, next week, we find a couple of babes

and bring them up here for a little slobber hockey.

[LAUGHS] Definitely.

J.T., you are in big trouble!

Dad, dad, I can explain.

Yeah, well, can you do it without using the word "aliens"?

No.

J.T., I asked you for one little favor.

Come and do this church thingy with me

and you can't sit still long enough to--

Oh, are the Packers on the 10 yard line?

-Yeah. -Well, what's the score?

Nothing-nothing.

Oh, dear God, let the Packers score a touchdown.

Ah, yeah.

-Yes! -Go!

-Yeah! -Yeah! Go! Go!

[CHEERING]

J.T., give me some-- aah!

[CRASH]

Oh, no way.

It's a messenger from God.

And it looks just like Uncle Frank.

What's the score?

Uh, six-nothing. Packers.

Oh, Carol, I feel like a complete jerk.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.

You're just trying to be a decent responsible parent.

Yeah.

You just weren't very good at it.

[LAUGHS]

[GROANS]

-[DOORBELL RINGS] -[FRANK GROANS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it!

Oh! Ah, no, I won't.

Yeah, come in! It's open.

Hey, Frank. How you feeling?

Oh, I'm okay, reverend.

Uh, look, I didn't get a chance to apologize

before the paramedics came.

I'm-- I'm really sorry.

And first thing tomorrow morning

my crew will be down there to patch that hole.

And from now on, I'm coming to church every Sunday.

-Look, Frank-- -No. No, I mean it.

[CHUCKLES] It's the least I could do.

Frank, I would love to have you come to church

but don't do it out of guilt. Do it because you want to.

Well, uh, Carol was right. You do make church more fun.

At least the part I saw.

[LAUGHS]

And I'd like to come more Sundays

but there's just one big problem.

-Football? -I love football.

Frank, why don't you do what I do?

-Tape the game. -Yeah, well, yeah, I know.

I could do that, but it's not the same.

Gee, I think it's better.

You can fast forward through the timeouts.

You don't have to watch up with people at halftime.

I think you're gonna enjoy watching football this way.

It's cued up till when you came through my ceiling.

Guess we could give it a shot, huh?

Oh, yeah.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]

Well, how about this?

Me and the good reverend

watching a football game together.

-Can I get you a beer? -No, thanks.

No. No, of course not.

You don't drink beer.

Neither do I.

Devil's brew never touches my lips.

-No way. -Frank?

-Huh? -Shut up and watch the game.

Does go good with peanuts though.

This morning three of our newest friends

have put together a special song.

This one is not in your hymnal.

Take it away, gentlemen.

Okay, this is a straight-out rock groove

in the key of E.

To the tune of "Louie Louie."

-You got it? -Got it.

[Cody] Alright.

[ROCK MUSIC]

♪ Pharaoh, pharaoh!

♪ Whoa whoa

-♪ Let my people go -♪ Uhh

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

♪ Pharaoh, pharaoh!

♪ Whoa whoa

-♪ Let my people go -♪ Uhh

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

CODY: Everybody!

♪ Whoa whoa

-♪ Let my people go ♪ -♪ Uhh ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪