Original subtitles

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

CODY: Hey, Carol.

Morning, Cody.

Morning?

Whoa!

Hey, Carol.

you ever start welding and, like,

completely lose track of time?

Yeah, I hate when that happens.

No wonder Darth Vader had such a major 'tude.

[LAUGHS]

He never knew if it was day or night

[LAUGHS]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream got broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future

♪ Could you pay the cost

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

♪ Woah-a, woah-a

♪ When the tears are over

♪ And the moment has come

♪ To say my Lord

♪ I think I've found someone

♪ You know It will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause we're Putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around

♪ Step by step

♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

♪ Step by Step, day by day

♪ We'll make it better

♪ Second time around ♪

Oh, honey. I'll be home by five for dinner.

Oh, Frank, just a minute.

I was going over the books and I noticed that

Rusty's Appliance Store didn't pay you for the shelves you put in.

Oh, Rusty was a little short on cash so I made him a deal.

Oh, no. This isn't going to be like the time you remodeled the Chinese restaurant

and they paid you with four hundred pounds of kung pao chicken.

This is gonna be even better.

Honey,

Rusty is going to give me my choice of

any TV in the store. Now we can have one in the bedroom.

Oh, no, Frank, you know I have a rule.

No entertainment in the bedroom.

Other than me.

Yeah, but Carol,

sometimes you're reading or mad at me

and I don't have anything to do.

Frank, if we have a TV in the bedroom,

you'll watch sports all the time.

Carol, I'll make you a deal. If I watch sports instead of

paying attention to you,

the TV is out of there.

Promise? On a stack of kung pao chicken.

Okay, deal.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Hey, Mom. Mom. Mom.

Excuse me-- Mom, I have a question.

Excuse me. I was kissing my wife.

Oh, right. Sorry, Frank.

Anyway, Mom,

Traci's sister is going to France for three months.

and she has this apartment that's gonna be vacant.

And you want to housesit?

Yes! No!

[LAUGHS]

But, Mom-- I am sorry.

You're not moving into your own apartment.

But, Mom, this house is really crowded

and I'm almost eighteen years old, I need my privacy.

Plus, it's only two blocks away.

Dana, when you go away to college you can live on your own,

but as long as you are living under this roof...

You are living under this roof.

Oh, great.

Thanks a lot for treating me like a baby, Mom.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going upstairs now. My Huggies are bunching up.

I can't believe she wants me to let her move into her own apartment.

Well, to tell you the truth, honey, I don't think it's such a crazy idea.

I think it's a terrible idea.

Carol, she's gonna be going away to college next fall anyway.

This'll give her a chance to live on her own.

and she'll just be down the street from us.

I don't know. I'm just not comfortable with it .

Carol, you're going to have to let her move out someday.

Yeah, I know.

I was just hoping I'd be dead by then.

Okay,

here are a few snacks to

tide you over in your new apartment.

Mom,

I know you're trying to help, but,

I'd rather cook for myself.

Oh, I understand.

You don't need my home,

why should I think you would need my food.

Okay, Dana, we got all your stuff.

AL: Would you open the door? DANA: Sure.

Thanks.

Frank, come on, honey. It's time to go.

Carol, where's the kids?

Out in the truck.

Oh, good. Come in the bedroom. [CHUCKLES]

Frank, I don't think we have time for that.

No, no, honey, not that.

I want you to see the new TV. You're gonna love it.

Oh, Frank, I'm just not sure about this television up here.

I'm afraid it'll dominate the whole bedroom.

Oh, relax, Carol. It blends right in.

There she is.

Is she a beauty or what?

Are you insane?

Where's my dresser?

I had to move it into the bathroom.

The bathroom?

Yeah, I had to make room for these speakers.

Oh, honey, wait 'til you see the picture on this bad boy.

[EXPLOSION]

[TRUCK EXPLODES]

Is this gonna be relaxing or what?

Dana,

I just want you to know that

there's an empty place in my life where you used to be...

so I'm getting a turtle. Oh! [LAUGHS]

Son, are your ears ringing?

No.

You stay here, they will be.

Oh, wow,

this place is so cool. [LAUGHS]

It's just like my van

only a little bigger

and there's no gasoline fumes.

Well, I hate to rush things along,

but I do have an exam tomorrow. I should start studying.

CODY: Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Mom, you promised you wouldn't cry.

Why would I cry?

Just because the next time you come over, you'll be a visitor in my home.

[CAROL SOBBING]

Frank?

Yeah, Honey, come on.

Carol... Carol.

Come on, honey, let's go.

Bye. Don't forget to floss,

and don't go to sleep with your hair wet, okay?

And if a guy shows up and says he's from the gas company,

you ask for identification.

And remember, the tuna in a three pack

is cheaper than the individual--

Whoa!

Well, Cody, bye-bye.

Hey, listen, Dana,

I know you're real excited about,

you now, having your own place and all, but, uh,

take it from me,

living by yourself

is just like living alone.

Thanks for the tip.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Anyway, listen, you know,

sometimes when you're on your own,

you need somebody to tell your troubles to.

So, I'm going to introduce you to someone who's always been there for me.

Dana,

meet Gordon. [LAUGHS]

This is Gordon?

Yeah, well,

I know he doesn't look like much

but, you know, he's an excellent listener. [CHUCKLING]

He's not like one of those guys, you know, who, when you

telling them your problems, they just start telling you their problems.

[CODY LAUGHS]

DANA: Cody,

I know you are trying to help, but,

I am not going to be lonely and I am,

certainly not going to talk to a houseplant.

Oh, Well,

that's cool with Gordon. I mean,

Sometimes we go days without talking to each other.

[CHUCKLES]

Although I usually break first.

Isn't that right?

Goodbye, Cody.

Bye, Dana. Oh hey, here.

Bye, Gordon.

Hey, call if you need anything.

I'm not going to need anything.

Oh, I was talking to Gordon.

[SIGHS]

Ah, my own place.

[KNOCKS ON WINDOW]

Honey, just so you know, there's a fire escape out here

and if I can climb up, anybody can.

So, don't forget to double lock your windows.

DANA: Goodbye, mother.

Good idea. Keep the shades down. No sense inviting trouble.

And did I mention that tuna in a three pack is cheaper than the individual?

CAROL: And if it looks like rain, carry an umbrella.

And don't walk along on a cold floor without slippers.

KAREN: Hi, guys.

Oh, good, you're home from school.

How's Dana? What was she wearing?

Does she look thin? Did she ask about me?

She's fine, mother.

And I'm fine, too. Thanks for asking.

I love you, honey.

I love all my children just the same.

I have to call Dana.

Come on, Carol,

give the girl a break. It's been less than a week.

The last thing she wants is to hear from her mother.

Look, Operator, I realize I've called before

but I am telling you, my phone must be broken.

My own mother hasn't even called.

What do you mean, you don't blame her?

Listen, pinhead.

Hello?

Jerk!

I do not need to talk to my mother.

I live alone.

I can do anything I want.

Read it.

Read it.

Read it, twice.

[SIGHS]

[DOGS BARKING]

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

[CAR HONKS]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[KETTLE WHISTLES]

Great, uh!

The dinner bell.

Soup for singles.

What an inspiring product.

When you are too busy to cook.

That's me.

Busy, busy, busy.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

You know who eats this slop?

Losers.

Losers and people whose families

make a big deal about how much they

care about you, how much they miss you...

But do they call? No. They just sit at home,

talking and laughing,

eating real food and having a great time.

Well, you know what I say to them, Gordon? I say...

I say, Oh God, I'm talking to a plant.

I'm turning into Cody.

I'm gonna spend the rest of my life living in other people's driveways,

saying "dude" and

"whoa."

I can't take this. I've gotta move back home.

Hey, guys, guess what I learned today?

MARK: What?

Oh, man. I give you nerds the perfect opening to insult me

and none of you takes a shot?

Boy, things have really gone downhill since Dana moved out.

Sorry, JT.

I don't follow.

Look, Poindexter,

you and The Little Mermaid over there are the Fosters.

And since Dana's gone,

it's your job to slam me every chance you get.

Well, JT, I don't insult you because

I don't think about you that much.

Ooh, that was kind of rude.

Does that count as an insult?

You dinks are pathetic.

I'll venture an insult, JT.

Give me the setup again.

Okay. "Hey, Mark, guess what I learned today?"

Well, factoring in your low IQ,

sloppy study habits and frequent trips to detention,

I'd say...

...not much. [LAUGHS]

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

DANA: Hi.

KAREN: Hi, what are you doing here?

I need to talk to mom. Where is she?

In the kitchen. Thanks.

Hey, Dana.

Guess what I learned today?

How to use the litter box instead of a tree?

Now, that's how it's done.

Hi, mom.

Oh, Dana, oh, it's so good to see you. I missed you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hello, Dana.

How are you? I'm fine.

It's good to see you too, Mom.

Listen.

I know we had a disagreement about me moving out, but

now that I've been gone for almost a week.

You don't have to say anything.

I was completely out of line.

Mom-- No, really.

I realize that even though I'm your mother,

you are almost eighteen now and I have no right to treat you like a baby.

I mean, only a baby wouldn't be able to handle living on her own.

Only a baby couldn't live without her family.

I can't believe that I thought that you would be so infantile

that you would come crawling back after a few days

and beg to come home again.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

So, how's living on your own?

Oh, you know,

busy, busy, busy.

What are you cooking?

Oh, nothing much.

Roast turkey, chestnut dressing,

those little buttered baby carrots,

creamy mashed potatoes and my homemade cornbread.

But don't worry. I'm not going to force you to take any of these things home.

Thanks, Mom.

Frank, I am so proud of you for keeping your promise.

You haven't watched sports on that TV all week.

And you know what, honey? I haven't even missed it.

In fact, it was really romantic

last night when we watched "Casablanca."

It kind of turned me on.

Yeah, me, too.

Play it again, Frankie.

[HEAVY KNOCKING]

Dad, Dad, let me in!

Get lost.

Dad, it's an emergency.

CAROL: Oh my god! FRANK: No, don't fall for that.

We have to. What if it's an emergency?

FRANK: But it's JT. JT: Dad, Dad, Dad,

Michigan State just went into sudden death.

Whoa,

when did this baby cruise into town?

JT, that is a private television.

Hey, guys, major tube in the geezers' room.

Son, Carol and I would like to be alone.

Well, then you shouldn't have had kids.

Check this out!

[CHILDREN EXCLAIMS IN EXCITEMENT]

[SHOUTING AND CHEERING]

Alright, everybody, downstairs. Come on,

move it. Everybody. Come on,

you too, short stuff.

You, go, go, go, go, go.

[SIGHS]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[CAROL LAUGHS] FRANK: Where were we?

Frank, aren't you forgetting something?

Like what?

Oh, the TV. The...

Game. Okay, well.

The TV is officially, off.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Let me see if I can find that special spot on your neck.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[CAROL MOANS] FRANK: Yes!

CAROL: Oohhh.

That didn't take long. [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY]

[BOTH MOANING]

Carol, find the spot on my neck again.

Oooh, Frank, I love it when you take charge.

Oh, that's it. Yeah, that's it. A little lower, honey. A little lower.

Wonderful. Oh, this is it.

Yes, keep going! Keep going!

Go, go, go, touchdown!

Ah-ha!

You know, Carol, I've been thinking.

This television is an intrusion.

I think I'll take it back and

trade it in on a

washer and dryer...

and jewelry.

[LOONEY TUNES THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hi, come on in.

Gordo, my main man.

Slap me some leaf.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[LAUGHING]

So, Dana?

What do you need us to fix?

Fix? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, fix. Ummm.

I need you to fix the window.

Okay, I'll take a look at that.

Oh, pull up.

It's one of those kind.

Thanks.

Well, you're welcome.

Let's go, Cody. Bye, Dana.

Don't go!

I mean...

stick around. We can "hang."

"Hang?"

Sure. Just like old times.

The three of us kicking back

and having some laughs, huh? Me, Frankie, and the "Codeman."

Yeah, Cody,

you want to go down and warm up the truck? I'll be down in a couple of minutes.

Oh? Oh, sure. Yeah. [LAUGHS]

Keep an eye on her, Uncle Frank. I think she's on the last train to Fruitcake City.

So, Frank, how's the construction business?

Dana, I think I can see what's going on here.

You're kinda lonely living here by yourself, aren't you?

Me, lonely? [GAILY LAUGH]

Look, I know you and your mom had this big thing about you moving out.

But if you miss us and you want to come home, just say so.

I don't want to move back home.

Only a baby would come crawling back after a week.

And I don't miss you.

Well, this may come as a surprise.

Because it certainly surprised me.

But, I,

kinda missed you this week.

You did?

Dana, when I married your mother,

I knew that taking on three more kids was a big responsibility.

But it's worth it.

Because I love Carol.

What I didn't realize is,

after a couple of years, I would grow to love you, too.

In fact, this last week made me realize just

how much I'm actually going to miss you

when you really do go away.

It's gonna be like losing a daughter.

I missed you too, Frank.

I missed everybody. I even missed JT.

My God, you were lonely.

Come on, I'll help you pack.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, I'll take that.

Me and Gordon have grown kind of close.

Now, on Monday, Gilligan and the gang almost got rescued.

Yeah, and the Professor made a radio out of a coconut.

But that bonehead Gilligan ate the radio.

[LAUGHS]

So they're still stuck on the island.

But then on Tuesday,

Gilligan and the gang almost got rescued

when these Russian cosmonauts accidentally landed in the lagoon.

But that bonehead Gilligan managed to mess it up again.

[SIGHS] Dude, I'm beginning to think they're never gonna get off that island.