Original subtitles

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[WHIRRING]

Mom. Yes?

Could you help me get ready for my date?

Sure, what do you want me to do?

Go away.

Dana, you've been dating this boy for three weeks.

Why don't you want me to meet him?

Because, mom, every time you meet a guy that I'm dating

you embarrass me. I do not.

Mother. Showing naked baby pictures,

and revealing my old bath-time nickname is embarrassing.

You mean "Princess Bubble Buns?"

I think it's cute.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Mother, I'm begging you. Do not embarrass me.

[DANA SIGHS]

Hi. Hi. That's my mom. Let's go.

[DANA CLEARS THROAT]

Hi, I'm Daniel.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Well, same here.

Dana tells me you're directing a play

at the Port Washington Playhouse.

Yeah. We start auditions tomorrow.

And I talked Dana into trying out for a part.

Well, she will be great.

I mean, I don't wanna brag or anything, but...

the theater does run in her blood.

Oh, God.

In fact, I, uh,

"trod the boards" myself in Bye Bye Birdie.

Really? In summer stock or regional?

In camp.

Hey, uh...

did this mayonnaise go bad or is there just chives in it?

Hey, Cody.

Daniel, dude!

[CODY CHUCKLING] What're you doing here?

You two know each other? Yeah, of course.

Cody is donating his time to build our sets for us.

Well, that's so nice of you, Cody.

Well, you know, after all my years in demolition,

I kind of look at it as my way

of giving something back.

Cody, can I see you in the kitchen for a second?

Sure. So, dude, what are you--

Dude, this is so weird.

Cody. I mean, it doesn't say

a thing about chives on the label.

Cody!

Look, I'm only gonna say this once.

So, pay attention.

Through yet another, cruel twist of fate,

you and I will be working at the same theater.

Now, I really like Daniel.

So, I'm telling you, don't do anything to embarrass me.

You got it.

I will not do a thing to embarrass you. Okay?

♪ Grey skies are gonna clear up ♪

♪ Put on a happy face ♪

♪ Brush off the clouds and cheer up ♪

♪ Put on a happy face ♪

♪ Spread sunshine all over the place ♪

♪ So put on a happy face ♪

You know, you might wanna have a similar conversation

with your mother.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ The dream wide broken

♪ Seemed like all was lost

♪ What would be the future?

♪ Could you pay the cost?

♪ You wonder

♪ Will there ever be

♪ A second time around?

♪ When the tears are over

♪And the moment has come

♪ Say "My lord, I think I found someone" ♪

And no one would be better

♪To be putting it together

♪ For the second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by step, day by day

♪ Day by day ♪

WOMAN: ♪ Day by day

♪ A fresh start over

♪ A different hand to play

♪ The deeper we fall

♪ The stronger we stay

MAN: ♪ It will be better

♪ The second time around

ALL: ♪ Step by Step, day by day

MAN: ♪ The second time around ♪

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[WHIRRING]

Mother?

Mm-hmm? Why did you have to lend

Frank your car when you know there's a sale at the mall?

People are out there buying things that should

rightfully be mine.

Karen, number one,

you are a very sick child.

And second, Frank's truck is in the shop and somehow

I didn't feel it was fair to make him walk eight miles

to work.

You know, mother, you baby him.

Hi, honey. Hi, Karen-- Gimme those keys!

[FRANK GRUNTS]

There's a sale somewhere, isn't there?

Yes, and she's late.

Denim world already called, wondering where she was.

Oh. Bye.

Karen?

Hey, dad. My friend Doug called.

Said he saw you at the golf course.

[MUFFLED TALK]

What? I don't want Carol to know

I played golf this morning.

Why?

Because the doctor said I shouldn't play golf

for a month because of my bad back.

And I promised Carol I wouldn't.

Well, did you hurt your back?

No.

So, then, why can't you just tell her you played

and you're fine?

You're not married, are you?

You see, son, Carol has this thing

about keeping promises.

To her, it's the same as telling the truth.

She thinks, that if you don't tell the truth,

you're, like... a liar.

Well, you are kind of a liar.

You're missing the point here, son.

Women have a way of blowing these things

all out of proportion.

You see, it won't be about golf,

it will be about respect, and love, and trust and my back

will be fine but, my head will be killing me.

Dad, how come you're not wearing your wedding ring?

Oh, 'cause I always take it off when I play golf

and put it in my pocket.

It's not in my pocket.

I must have dropped it in the golf cart.

I gotta get it before Carol sees it's missing.

Dad! Dad, your truck is in the shop.

Yeah, right.

[MUFFLED TALK]

I'm sorry, pal.

It's an emergency. I need the wheels.

Hey!

Hey, where are you going with my bike?

[HAMMERING THUDS]

The secret to acting

is tapping into your raw feelings

and letting them out.

Right. Feelings like anger, joy and pain.

I'd like to try an exercise.

Scream like you are truly in excruciating pain.

All right?

Hmm...

Dana, you go first.

[SCREAMS]

More.

[SCREAMS]

You're too controlled.

Right. You have to let go.

Fill this room with pain!

[THUD] [CODY SCREAMING PAINFULLY]

[SCREAMS]

Now, that's pain! [CODY SCREAMING]

Study this man.

Notice the color draining from his face.

The way his eyes are rolling back into his head.

I mean, this man is obviously in excruciating pain.

Yeah, buddy!

You know, Cody,

while you were writhing in agony,

I couldn't help but notice the power of your voice.

Dude, you should have heard me that time I put that jackhammer

through my boot.

It's not just your voice,

it's your presence, and the ease with which you move.

Have you ever thought about acting?

No! He hasn't.

Ever.

Yeah, Dana is right.

I mean, acting is for the creme de la crop.

Yeah, me... I'm just a simple craftsman

who likes to work with his hands.

Which, might not be possible till this nail falls off.

Well, I think you're a natural.

How can I get you to give acting a try?

Well, you could start by paying for a tetanus shot.

[LOW TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

Dad, did you find your wedding ring?

No.

But, Brendan's bike gave me a major wedgie.

Oh, it's a banana seat, daddy.

You'll get used to it.

Hey, dad! Wife alert. Carol just pulled in the driveway.

Okay, this is not a problem.

I'll just, uh...

put my hands in my pockets.

She'll never suspect a thing.

Yeah, right.

No, really this is gonna work.

Sure, it will.

Can I have your truck when Carol kills you?

Now, go! Go! Scoot, go! I work better alone.

Come on, go. Go, go!

Hi, Frank. Carol. Hi, honey.

Karen, how was the mall?

I was five minutes late, Frank.

How do you think it was?

Frank, could you help me with these bags?

I think Karen has been through enough.

Oh, sure, honey.

Frank, is there something wrong with your hand?

Uh...

Oh, just a little something down on the construction site.

Well, hey, it's no big deal.

Well, let me see. Did you hurt yourself--

No. No, it's fine. Well, let me see it.

Well, it looks fine, but...

where is your wedding ring?

Uh...

Frank Lambert, did you play golf?

With my back? Do I look like an idiot?

Well, then, where is the ring?

The only time you ever take it off

is when you play golf.

Well...

Well, yeah. Honey,

normally. But, today...

I took it off

and loaned it to a guy at work,

named Scott. You know Scott.

Why would you loan your wedding ring to Scott?

He didn't have one.

But he's not married.

True.

But he's thinking of getting married

and you know, wanted to know what it felt like to wear a ring

before he proposed.

Can I have the keys to your car, honey?

I think I dropped something. Work related...

I'd like to find it.

Sure. Thanks.

Mother, I don't get it.

Why didn't you just tell Frank you found his ring in the car?

Because...

I want him to admit that he played golf

when he wasn't supposed to

because of his back.

But he didn't hurt his back.

You are not married, are you?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, here is the cast list.

Find your names and be ready to start rehearsals

tomorrow night.

I can't believe it,

I'm Juliet!

Thank you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Woah! Dude, I'm playing Romeo!

[SCREAMS]

Now, that's a scream of pain.

[LOW TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

Mother, you are not gonna believe this.

I've been cast as Juliet.

[GASPS] Oh! That's great!

And Cody is playing Romeo.

That's... an unusual choice.

There is no way I can play a part

where I have to be attracted to Cody.

Well, why not? He's a good looking guy.

Mom, we're talking about Cody.

A grown man, who lives in a van,

reads comic books,

and gets a kick out of digging wax balls out of his ears.

Well, I think it's cool he lives in his van.

I cannot pretend to love a man who can

belch the Star Spangled Banner.

Okay. So he's a little off beat.

But he's sweet and cute and funny.

I mean, put him in an Armani suit

and stick him behind the wheel of a BMW, and he'd be a real

stud muffin.

He is Cody.

He's bizarre. He belongs in a freak show

between Lobster boy and Merle, the three headed cow.

Dana, I'm getting a little sick of your attitude.

Everyone here, can find

lots of wonderful things to say about Cody.

But you can't even think of one.

Obviously, the problem isn't Cody, it's you.

Boy, you really let her have it.

Do that more often, and I'll start calling you Mom.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[TV ANNOUNCER] And up, and down, and bend, and stretch.

And up, and down, and bend, and stretch.

Man, I love a good work-out.

Do that squat-thrust thing again, ladies.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the one!

Oh, J.T.,

where's Carol?

Upstairs, I think. Perfect.

Look what I got.

Oh, you found your wedding ring.

No. Went down to the jewelry store

and got a perfect match.

Now, I can just tell Carol I got my ring back from Scott.

Carol is not gonna buy that.

You know what your problem is, son?

You don't recognize real genius

when you see it.

Frank?

FRANK: Watch.

Oh, hi, Frank. Guess what?

I ran into Scott and he gave me back your wedding ring.

[CHOKING]

That's impossible.

Why is that impossible?

Yeah, dad.

Why is that impossible?

Go away.

Frank, take your left hand out of your pocket.

No. Why?

I don't want to. Oh, really?

Why is that?

Because, I've grown rather fond of you, Carol.

And I sure would like to stay married.

Oh! Give it up, Frank. I know you played golf.

I found your ring in the seat of my car, last week.

Last week? Yeah.

You let me sweat for a whole week?

You bet I did!

I even spent 15 bucks on a fake gold ring!

Yeah? Well, I was hoping you would come clean.

But you didn't. You lied! Well, you made me.

[CAROL IN GRUNTING VOICE] Oh, I made you. Right.

Well, you always turn everything into such a big deal.

This is not about trust, it's about golf!

Well, you are a liar!

Well, you're a nag! [CAROL GASPS]

Nag?

You promised you'd never call me that.

I lied.

You know something, Frank? You are so low.

Well, you are an uptight, compulsive, weirdo!

Well, you are a slob!

Well, I don't like your mother!

Well, I don't like your grandmother.

Aha! My grandmother is dead.

Well, I don't... like her pictures.

Don't you laugh at me, mister!

You cannot laugh when we are having an argument.

It's against the rules.

You are not taking this seriously.

Now, wait a minute.

Let me see if I've got this straight.

I lied about playing golf,

so you lied about finding my ring in the car.

So, now, you hate my dead grandmother's pictures?

[CAROL SNORTS]

Oh, Frank, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to turn this into a big deal.

I just, really worry about your back.

Well, I'm fine, honey.

And I'm really, really sorry that I lied.

Is the argument over? Yeah.

Now, take off that other ring and let me put on the real one.

[CLINKING NOISE] [FRANK SCREAMS PAINFULLY]

What?

Where are you going? Upstairs, to get a heating pad.

Oh, I knew you'd hurt your back.

Why don't you ever listen to me?

Nag.

Liar.

Weirdo.

Idiot. Ding-dong.

[CAROL LAUGHING] Weirdo.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

CODY: Oh, speak again, bright angel.

For thou art as glorious to this night,

being o'er my head,

as a winged messenger of heaven

to the wide, upturned wondering eyes of mortals,

As they fall back to gaze upon him,

as he bestrides a lazy puffing cloud

and sails upon the bosom of the air.

Oh, Romeo. Romeo...

wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or, if thou wilt not,

be but sworn...

my love,

and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

All right. Stop.

Let's take five. Dana, can I see you for a moment?

That was pretty good.

Uh...

Look...

This just isn't working.

I think we're gonna have to make a change in the cast.

Well, don't worry about it too much.

Cody will get involved in welding and he'll be fine.

Umm...

I'm not talking about Cody.

I'm talking about you.

I don't think Juliet is the right part for you.

What do you mean?

Look, nothing personal,

but you almost lost your lunch when you had to call him "my love."

Now, I don't think that's what Shakespeare had in mind.

So, what are you saying?

Because I can't find anything appealing about Cody, I'm fired?

I'm sorry.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east

and the Danaburger is the sun."

Dude, I got it.

Hey, Dana. Do you wanna run some lines?

Cody, I've been fired.

Why?

I just don't think she was very convincing as Juliet.

Well, okay. Granted, her acting technique

is a little limited and her subtext is kind of foggy, but...

I mean, the chick she's playing is a mondo suicidal,

unstable freak. Who is going to know the difference?

Look, I'm sorry.

All right, I like Dana a lot.

But, she's not doing a very good job acting

and the most important thing is the play.

Ah, that's where you're wrong, dude.

The most important thing is the people.

Cody, it's okay.

No, it's not.

I mean, hey, Dana has been trying really hard here.

Obviously, that's not important to you.

Well, if that's the kind of dude you are,

I don't wanna be in your play either.

Cody, you don't have to quit just because of me.

I'm sure I do.

You're my friend.

You're a lot more important to me than a stupid play.

And besides,

I'm gonna look pretty lame

standing there in a pair of tights

talking to an empty balcony.

Well, thanks for sticking up for me, anyway.

It was a really sweet thing to do.

Very loyal and...

generous and giving.

I guess, those are pretty appealing qualities

in a person.

Poignant moment.

The magic of the theater.

A great acting team is born.

Like, Bogart and Bacall,

Tracy and Hepburn,

Regis and Kathy Lee.

And now, the greatest American duo

ever to grace the stage,

the Codeman and the Danaburger.

Let's not get carried away. Why don't we just settle

for being friends?

Yeah, you got it.

It's just like that Shakespeare dude said,

"A friend by any other name would smell as sweet,

until death do us part."

Could that Shakespeare dude write or what?

You...

Okay. Now, that we've settled our creative differences,

let's rehearse the balcony scene.

Oh, Romeo. Romeo,

wherefore art thou, Romeo?

[LOUDER] Oh, Romeo. Romeo,

wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Yo, Romeo! I'm dying here!

Oh, uh...

I'm sorry for the delay there, my Juliet.

These tights are riding up on me something fierce.

No wonder those Shakespeare dudes

talk so funny.

Just hang on there, my Juliet. Your Romeo is a coming.