Original subtitles

[theme music]

Cody, get this, there was another

UFO sighting in Green Bay last night.

Whoa! Hey, that's just like the book I'm readin'.

It's this true story about this dude who gets kidnapped

by aliens from outer space.

Wow. Why would they wanna kidnap someone?

Well, simple, dude, they're searching for signs

of intelligent life to take back to their planet.

Well, I guess you two won't be going anywhere.

- 'Morning, everybody.' - Ooh. Morning, honey.

- Hi. - Mm..

Carol, do you believe in aliens like Cody does?

No. Come on, Cody.

You don't really believe there are aliens, do you?

Well, sure, eh, how else do you explain

all the mysteries of the universe

like the Bermuda Triangle

or Stonehenge or Velcro?

Come on, Brendan. I'll walk you to school. Bye, everybody.

- Bye. - Bye.

Okay, have a good day.

- Buh-bye. - Bye. I love you. Bye.

Bye-bye..

"A man spends two years in a spaceship

marries alien queen."

[scoffs] Please.

Buh-bye, honey.

Bye-bye, girls.

- Bye, mom. - 'Bye.'

Karen, this book has inspired me.

How'd you like to help me trick Cody and J.T.

into thinking they saw a real UFO?

- What for? - To humiliate them.

And make them look like complete fools.

Oh. Cool. Count me in.

[theme song]

[all screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-oh woah-oh ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're puttin' it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ If all these dreams fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ But you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Oh, no, Mr. Macey. Ha-ha.

No, I've got a copy of your estimate right here in my files.

Yeah, and I'll send it off to you tomorrow morning, okay?

Right.

If I can find it.

- Hi, honey. - Oh, hi, Carol.

I'll be with you in just a second.

Well..

[sighs]

Uh, boy. Uh..

My, my..

Gee, you know, uh..

...Frank, I just realized. Ha-ha.

I've, uh, never been here before.

Oh, come on, of course, you have.

No, no. I would've remembered this.

It's a little informal, but I like it.

[chuckles]

Hey. Nice calendar. Heh.

Oh, uh..

That's just a gift some plumbing company sent over.

Oh, look, it has a picture. I never saw this..

Guess you never saw the date either, it's 1988.

Oh. It's been a busy couple of years, honey. Heh.

Frank, what's with all the shoe boxes?

- Whoa! - Oh, honey. Be careful.

That is the Frank Lambert personal filing system here.

You mean, you keep all your important papers in shoe boxes?

No, no. Not the really important ones.

Hm, those, I keep right in here.

Hm, alright. Listen.

If we're gonna make it to lunch, we're gonna have to get goin'.

Would you find my keys? They're on the desk there.

I can't even find the desk.

I'll get 'em.

Stud finder. Ha-ha.

[slurps]

[chuckles]

[beeps]

Frank, Frank, I have an idea.

Why don't you let me organize your office?

Oh, Carol.

My office doesn't need to get organized.

I-I like it just the way it is.

It may look sloppy to you

but, hey, works for me.

- Okay, fine. Let's go to lunch. - Oh.

You know, I think, I'll, uh, wash up too.

- Oh, oh, oh, Carol. Don't-- - Oh, God!

[exhales]

Well, maybe a little organizing wouldn't hurt.

[instrumental music]

Okay, thanks a lot, Steve.

See you in school. Bye.

- What'd he say? - Oh, you're gonna love this.

Steve said, his brother will fly his traffic helicopter

over our house around 10 o'clock.

He's gonna shine one of those big

searchlights down on our yard.

[shrieking] This is great.

Those idiots will think it's a UFO.

Oh, and you haven't heard the best part.

Steve's asked me to go steady.

[chuckles]

I better go break up with Bill.

- Hey, Dana. - Uh, Cody, J.T. Wait up.

Listen. I owe you guys an apology.

Oh, that's okay, Dana.

Tcha, it wasn't your fault.

Wait-wait a minute. What are you apologizing for?

Hey! J.T. brings up a good point.

Well, the other day, I really made fun of you guys

for believing in UFOs.

[in unison] So?

Well, tsk.

I'm embarrassed to even say this

but...last night

I was taking some soda cans to the recycling center.

All of a sudden, I was surrounded

by this really bright light.

And then I looked up, and I saw this.. No.

I can't even say it. It's too crazy.

It was a spaceship, wasn't it?

I don't know.

It's just like in the book. Ha!

Really? Then I'm not crazy?

If you're crazy, then I am, ha-ha.

Well, then the light went off

the spaceship disappeared, and when I looked down..

Now, this is the really weird part.

- The cans were gone. - How did you know?

It's in the book. Yeah.

Tcha. See, aluminum is just like oxygen to aliens.

I mean, they can't live without it. Heh.

[sighs] Aluminum transmogrification.

I missed it. Tcha.

Maybe not.

When the beam was on me, I had the strangest feeling

like, like they weren't finished with me yet.

Almost as if, I was their link to the aluminum

and they were coming back for more.

- When? - Tonight.

[both gasp]

Around 10:00.

[both gasp]

[chuckles] Cosmic.

Dude, we gotta be there with Dana.

Hey, wait a second, I'm not going back

to the recycling center.

Well, maybe you don't have to. We could just bring them to us.

[scoffs] How're you gonna attract aliens?

Wrap yourselves in aluminum foil?

[chuckles] Brilliant. Ha!

[sighs] Hey, dude.

We gotta get some soda cans and some aluminum foil.

Alright.

[chuckles] This is too easy.

[instrumental music]

- What are you boys doing? - Oh.

Dana saw a UFO last night, and she says it's comin' back.

- So, we wanna be ready. - Yeah. Oh.

A UFO, I wonder if it's the same ones

I read about at the supermarket.

The ones that kidnapped those women in Iowa.

What are you talkin' about?

I read that these aliens came to Earth

because all the women on their planet

had been mysteriously wiped out

and they needed females to help procreate their species.

I'll bet that's what these aliens are after.

I wouldn't get my hopes up.

[instrumental music]

Okay, okay.

Okay, open 'em.

[chuckles]

- Where are we? - Your office.

Honey, this isn't my office. I'd recognize my office.

This doesn't even smell like my office.

Well, that's 'cause I opened a window.

- I had a window? - 'Yeah.'

- Well, what's this? - Oh, that's a computer.

See, all the information that you had

in those boxes is now in your computer.

Hold on, Carol, you never said anything about a computer.

- I don't trust those things. - Oh, come on, Frank.

Join the 20th century, it's almost over.

Y-you. uh, you didn't throw anything away, did you, honey?

Of course, not. The calendar's filed under "B" for Bimbo.

It wasn't a calendar, I'm looking

for the O'Neill Bid, uh..

O'Neill, that's, uh, triple E.

Triple E? How do you figure that?

Ah, Mr. O'Neill, he was in the

in the Marine Corp, yeah.

[sighs]

♪ From the halls of Montezuma ♪

♪ To the shores of.. ♪♪

Tripoli..

Of course.

Okay, well, that's one way, but here's another.

- O'Neill? - Yeah, yeah.

Ah, "1335, Clinton Avenue

"French windows, $375 a piece.

Installation included." Anything else?

You mean, all my accounts are floatin' around in there?

Yep. See, now, you can get rid of all your old shoe boxes.

[instrumental music]

Al, where are you going with that camera?

To the backyard.

Rumor has it that tonight

we're getting visitors from out of space.

Well, wear a sweater.

- Oh, hi, mom. - Hi, Mark. Oh, Mark.

Come here. I wanna show you something.

I've entered all the records from Frank's business

into the computer. Watch.

I've got it all under the heading

of "Lambert Construction."

"File not found."

That's strange.

"File not found."

Slide over, mom. I'll take her in.

[keys clacking]

Nope.

Nope.

Nope. Uh, sorry, mom.

There's nothing here about Lambert Construction.

There's gotta be, otherwise, I've lost

all the records from Frank's business.

Mom, mom, calm down. This is no time to panic.

- Just give me your backup disk. - I didn't make a backup disk.

Okay, now, it's time to panic.

[gasps]

[instrumental music]

- Carol. - What?

Oh, honey. I don't know how to thank you.

I'm so excited about how much more efficient

my business is gonna be now that everything's on a computer.

[chuckles] I should've done this years ago.

Oh, I wish you had.

Oh. Uh, honey, would you call up the Thornton bid for me?

Hmm, the Thornton bid, yeah.

Uh, that's that really big one, right?

Oh, you're not kidding.

That one bid alone took up two shoe boxes.

We're talking high tops. Ha-ha.

[chuckling]

Carol, the Thornton bid, please?

Uh, yeah, are you hungry?

Hey, you know, why don't we go down to Pearson's

for a hot fudge sundae?

Oh, well, I'd love to.

- But I've got work to do. - Oh.

I really need to see the Thornton bid.

Yeah, well..

...ooh, that's, uh, hm, gonna be tough..

...because I seem to have lost

the Thornton bid.

Well, what do you mean you lost the Thornton bid?

Ain't that with the rest of my records?

Probably.

But, uh, we'll never know

because I-I seem to have lost them too.

How could you do this?

Well, I didn't make a backup disc.

I'm sorry, you'll just have to go back

to your old shoe box system.

Well, I would love to go back to my old shoe box system

but you told me to throw 'em out.

- And you did? - Yes!

Frank! I tell you to take out the garbage on Monday.

It's still sitting there on Thursday.

When did you become Mr. Efficiency?

Right after you dragged me into the 20th century.

Oh, well, excuse me

for trying to make your life a little easier.

Well, it's a lot easier now, I'm out of business.

[gasps]

Wait a minute.

When do they come to your office to pick up the garbage?

How should I know? I've never thrown anything out before.

Well, are you just gonna sit here and yell at me

or are we gonna go look for those shoe boxes

before the garbage man gets them?

We're going to go look for the shoe boxes.

I can yell at you in the car!

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Well..

...this is it.

Oh.

[sighs]

Oh..

Well, you go ahead, Frank, and I'll just stand guard down here.

Oh, no, no.

I think this is an experience we should share.

- Okay. - Come on, get up on one foot.

And then I'll lift you here.

- Are you ready? One, two, go. - Yeah.

[grunting]

Okay, okay.

- One. - Okay, one..

...two, three.

[Carol screams]

[rustling]

Carol, are you alright?

Frank, I'm in a dumpster!

I'm on my way, hon.

Whoa!

[Carol screams]

Oh.

[groaning]

Oh! This is a disgusting mess!

Well, maybe you can come back next week and organize it.

Let's just find those shoe boxes and get outta here.

Eww! Eww!

- Ugh! - Carol!

[grunts]

Would you stop with the sound effects?

Oh, I am sorry, Frank, if I'm spoiling your fun.

L.. Let's not bicker.

We don't wanna forget what we're doing here..

...or who's fault it is..

[indistinct chatter]

Shh!

Shh. I hear something.

[speaking in foreign language]

That's Philip Wong.

He owns the Chinese restaurant next door.

Oh, no! I do his wife's hair.

If he sees me in this dumpster, I'll be humiliated.

- Alright, now, just sit still. - Okay.

- Don't say a word. - Okay.

[speaking in foreign language]

[gasping]

Oh.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[laughing]

Very funny, Frank Lambert.

- Ah! Ah! - I'm sorry.

But if you could see how funny you look..

...with Chinese food all over you..

[laughing]

[laughing]

You're right. You're right, Frank.

It's pretty funny.

[laughing]

Hey, we look like a combination plate, don't we?

[both laughing]

Now, let's, uh..

Let's find the shoe boxes and, and get out, okay?

- Oh! Ugh. - Okay, come on.

[both groaning]

Oh, God. Where is it?

Here they are! Here they are!

[panting]

- 'Huh!' - Well..

[engine rumbling]

Frank, Frank, Frank.

I think I know when they pick up your garbage.

When?

[panting] Tonight. About 9:15.

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

- Are we ready? - Just about.

[Carol and Frank laughing]

I'll be glad when this whole honeymoon thing is over.

Boy, they look awful.

You think they look awful?

Wait until you get a load of these two.

Alright, guys, we're ready. Come on out.

Are you sure we don't look stupid?

No. And I would tell you.

That's true, J.T., she would. She tells me all the time.

It's almost 10 o'clock. Where are they?

Ooh!

Ah!

[sighs]

I felt something. Did you guys feel that?

No.

I think I did.

Ooh!

- There it is again! - Huh!

[Dana] 'Guys, I think they're getting close.'

You've gotta create a magnetic field.

Generate some energy. Do jumping jacks.

Karen, phone call.

We don't wanna miss this.

Don't worry, I'll take over.

Alright, now, guys..

...bring the magnetic fields together.

Patty cake.

Patty cake?

Wait a minute. I think someone's trying to make a fool out of us.

Oh, J.T., aliens wouldn't do that.

Cody, I'm not talking about the aliens.

I'm talking about Dana.

I think she's been pulling our chain this whole time.

I'm going inside.

[sighs]

[helicopter droning]

Hey, Dana.

Those vibrations are really intense.

Oh!

- They're here! - Wow!

God! Gee.

Me, friend. Welcome to our humble planet.

This is perfect.

- Dana. - This is great.

Steve's brother is doing a terrific job.

- That's not Steve's brother. - What?

Steve just called. The airports fogged in.

His brother couldn't take off.

Well, if it's not Steve's brother, then..

[guitar music]

[helicopter droning]

Don't take me. I'm the homecoming queen!

Thanks, Steve!

[chuckles] They bought it.

[laughs]

This is one small step for mankind

and one totally righteous step for us.

- Yeah! Yeah! - 'Yeah!'

[laughs]

[guitar music]

[helicopter droning]

[theme music]

[music continues]