Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

- Hi, guys. - Hi, daddy.

Hey, guess who has got a big birthday comin' up?

Not me. I won't be 29 for another month.

Twenty-nine? Wow, you're old!

Not her, Brendan, you.

You are approachin' the big 06.

[gasps] Six years old? Ooh.. That's halfway to twelve.

We're gonna have to do something special.

Oh, we do something special every year. Right, champ?

- Pizza and bowling. - Sounds great, daddy.

Yeah! And this year's gonna be even better, son.

'Cause now you know you're supposed to let go of that ball.

Can I still wear my helmet?

Yeah, I think you should.

Honey, I gotta stop by Mrs. Carlin's house.

She's got a terrible case of dry rot.

Well, not Mrs. Carlin, her house.

Actually, she looks pretty good.

But not as good as you..

I-I better go. Bye, pal.

- Bye. - Bye, daddy.

So...Brendan. You like bowling, huh?

Well, not the bowling part

but I like wearing other people's shoes.

Hey, have you ever thought of having a real party?

You know, like with hats and balloons and games?

You mean, like my friends have?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, especially if we could get Yo-Yo.

Who's Yo-Yo?

Oh, he's the greatest clown in the world.

He can make music come out of his armpit.

Well, then we gotta have him.

[theme song]

[all screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ If all these dreams fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over a different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell but you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[music continues]

It's a birthday party.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

You know, what I've always wondered?

Like in Switzerland, okay?

Does American cheese have holes?

You are so deep.

Tcha. I know!

Alright! Touchdown! Packers!

- What's the score? - 40-97.

- The pack is back. - Yes!

I think football's totally barbaric and without merit.

Don't you, Karen?

I don't know, if nobody played football

then what would the cheerleaders do?

And you thought I was deep?

Great. Okay, well, we'll see you on Saturday.

And, uh, don't forget to bring Mr. Wimpy.

[chuckles] Okay, bye-bye.

Who's Mr. Wimpy?

- Oh, he's Yo-Yo's puppet. - Ah.

- Who's Yo-Yo? - Yo-Yo is a clown.

He's coming to Brendan's birthday party.

Yeah, right. I hope he can bowl in those big floppy shoes.

[chuckles]

Frank, I-I've been wanting to talk to you about this

but I didn't know how to tell you..

Well, the truth is that Brendan would rather have

a birthday party than go bowling.

[laughs] Honey, that's ridiculous.

Brendan loves to go bowling. Who told you that?

Brendan.

All this time, I've been takin' him bowling

on his birthday and he hates it? Why wouldn't he tell me?

Well, he just didn't wanna hurt your feelings.

I'm not hurt.

Eh, it's his birthday.

If he wants to ruin it by havin' a party

and cake and presents with a bunch of his friends

it's fine with me.

Mail!

Is this the male you're looking for, Dana?

No. If I wanted you, I would've said, "Hey, sludge brain."

Cool. I'll listen for that next time.

Somebody else do this.

I'll take care of it. Okay, here we go. Let's see.

"Sports Illustrated," mm-hmm.

- "Money Magazine." - Ooh, ooh.

- "Cosmo." - That's me.

Uh, "Wrestling Digest?"

[chuckles] That's mine.

A wrestling magazine?

Well, I only read it for the articles.

Hey, Uncle Frank!

Ten days to better packs, huh?

Save that for me, okay?

[chuckles]

Look at this, Frank. It's from Jamaica.

Looks official.

Oh, no, Frank.

The chapel where we got married is closing.

The Wedding Shack?

You got married in a shack?

First class all the way, huh, Frank?

Hey, I had a coupon, okay?

Oh, no, Frank.

The Wedding Shack wasn't licensed.

According to this, we're not legally married.

[all] Alright!

[all cheering]

Alright, just knock it off.

Frank, this means we're not legally married.

We're not husband and wife.

We've been living in, uh.. You know..

- What are we gonna do? - Well, now, Carol.

- Ooh! - What, now, don't panic!

No, no, no, first thing Monday morning

we'll go down to City Hall and we'll get married.

City Hall? That sounds so impersonal.

Well, uh, no, honey, it doesn't have to be.

We, we can make it special.

We'll get all dressed up. He-he.

Then we'll get married and we'll, we'll have a nice

uh, expensive bottle of champagne

over a romantic lunch.

You know...we'll make a whole day of it.

Hmm, well, I guess that doesn't sound so bad.

Look at it this way.

The sooner we get married again

the sooner we get to start our second honeymoon.

Mm..

We were so close.

Okay. Today's my big day. How do I look?

- Oh.. - Fine.

I mean, if you're not gonna have a real wedding

you might as well wear that.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

Mm, nothing, it's just the last chance I'll have

to see my daughter walk down the aisle.

What about me?

What about you?

[gasps]

Mom. You look nice!

Oh.

Thank you.

Before you go, I have a little something

for you from all the kids.

Tsk. Oh.. Oh, that is so sweet.

It's a petition asking you not to marry Frank.

I don't have time for this. I have to meet Frank downtown.

No, you don't wanna be late for your big wedding

down at City Hall.

While you're there, would you renew my fishing license?

Don't listen to her.

If I could find a man, whoo!

I'd get married at City Hall.

If you could find a man, you'd get married at Burger King.

[instrumental music]

Excuse me, I'm here to get married.

- And I was wondering-- - I'm sorry.

You have to get in line.

Next.

Hi there. It's me again. I'm still here to get married--

I need two forms of identification

your blood test results

and you will have to fill out Form 37-B.

Okay, um, where do I get Form 37-B?

Next window.

Can I help you?

Uh, may I have Form 37-B?

Here you go. Have a seat.

The judge will be with you soon.

You mean, you're not the judge too?

[laughs]

Oh! Hi, honey.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, I'm telling you, that Carlin house is a disaster.

There's dry rot in the basement

termites on the second floor

and a really disgusting fungus in the bathroom.

You look pretty.

Frank, look atyou.

This is supposed to be our wedding day.

Well, honey, we're still gonna get married

but I can't spend the whole day.

I gotta get back to work.

You mean, we're not even gonna have lunch?

Uh, oh, yeah. Yeah, I got you a burrito off the truck.

Frank!

You don't like burritos? You want half my ham sandwich?

- What's up next, Doris? - Big wedding.

Well, alright. Let's get it over with.

- I tee off in half an hour. - Well, that's great.

We're in a rush too.

Frank!

I am sorry.

I am not going to marry you.

That a burrito?

[instrumental music]

Carol, I followed you all the way home from City Hall.

- Why did you ignore me? - I didn't know it was you.

I threw myself on the hood of your car screaming

"Carol, I love you!" Who else could it be?

Could've been anybody.

This is great!

Something tells me they didn't get married.

They sound like they're married.

What are you saying, Carol?

That you don't want to marry me?

Not like that, Frank! It just didn't feel right.

It was so...unromantic.

We had romantic in Jamaica.

I thought this time, we were going for legal!

[gasps]

You just don't get it. Do you, Frank?

Yes, I get it.

What?

[scoffs]

You show up late for our wedding, you cancel our lunch

you're covered with dry rot.

Face it, Frank, you are more interested in fixing

someone's stupid house than you are our marriage!

But they had no roof!

Oh! It's always something, isn't it, Frank?

This was supposed to beourwedding day.

Well, yeah.

I guess it's kind of a big deal, isn't it?

I mean, I know it's a big deal, honey

and I wanna make it up to you.

Alright. Alright. I want a real wedding.

- Okay. - I want music, I want flowers.

I want a wedding cake and I want Reverend Wallace to marry us.

- You got it. - No, I don't got it.

Why not? I agreed to everything.

Yeah, but Reverend Wallace

is going out of town for six months.

He's leaving Saturday at 4:53.

How do you know that?

I'm his hair dresser.

Alright, then he can marry us Saturday before he leaves.

Oh, wait a minute. That's Brendan's birthday party.

We can't have a wedding and a birthday party in the same day--

Ye-yes, we can. Yes, we can.

The party's at noon.

We'll have him marry us at 3:00.

The timing's perfect.

Oh..

Do you really think it'll work?

Oh, trust me, Carol.

You are going to have the wedding

you've always dreamed of.

Thank you, Frank.

And you are going to have the..

...honeymoon you always dreamed of.

[indistinct chatter]

Aunt Penny, Aunt Penny, they need to know

where you wanna put the punch.

The punch? Oh, my goodness, the punch.

[chuckles]

Oh...Dana.

You're so fine.

I'd walk to the ends of the Earth for you.

Good. Why don't you start now? It's that way.

She's got the "Love Jones" somethin' fierce.

Whoa! Ha-ha, a birthday cake.

Hey, you guys! Food fight!

[all screaming]

Where are you going with the cake?

Cake? Well..

I was just gonna go over there, it has better light.

Oh, give me that.

Cody, what are you doin' in here?

I'm all by myself out there.

[chuckles]

Penny, have you seen the clown?

No, but some kid named Yo-Yo called

and said he couldn't make it.

What?

Yo-Yo's not coming?

I told all my friends.

Uh, no, no, no, son. Listen..

Yo-Yo is gonna be here. Now, don't worry.

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Man to man. Guy to guy.

Alright!

Hey, guys! Yo-Yo the Clown is coming.

[all cheering]

Hey, wait a minute.

Are you guys talkin' about Yo-Yo the Clown?

Oh, he's so cool.

He did my party last year.

Hey, you guys! Sneak preview!

I'm sorry, Carol, but I really have got to leave.

Oh, just a few more minutes, reverend.

I've got to find Frank.

Al, Al, have you seen your dad?

No.

Mom, it's bad luck for you to see

the groom before the wedding.

It means the marriage won't last.

Oh, well, in that case

I think I saw him in the kitchen.

Oh.

Frank?

Frank!

Yo!

- Cody? - Hi, Carol. What do you think?

Did it myself. Ha-ha-ha.

You look like a mummy.

Really?

Most people say I look like my dad.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, my goodness! Mr. Wimpy, that was a great brace.

Thank you very much.

Do you have anything you'd like to say to the birthday boy?

Yes, I do! Gimme all your presents!

[children laughing]

Not very nice.

You think that's not nice? Check yourself.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

[laughing]

Oh, my goodness. Mr. Yo-Yo's kinda tired.

Excuse me, Mr. Yo-Yo.

Hello, sweetheart.

Frank?

Um, how 'bout we get some more of that cake, you guys?

[children cheering]

Hey-hey-hey!

Hey-hey!

What are you doing?

Uh-uh, Carol, I know this looks kinda bad.

Looks kinda bad, Frank?

Oh, no. No!

This is supposed to be the most important day

of our lives and you're dressed in a clown suit

and talking to a sock!

I can't believe you're doing this to me again.

[sighs]

I can explain it to you, Carol.

You don't have to explain, obviously our marriage

is not very important to you.

Oh, honey, that's not it.

I swear that's not, that's not it.

Daddy! Daddy! This is the best birthday I ever had.

You're even a better Yo-Yo than the real Yo-Yo.

- Thank you. - I love you, daddy.

I love you too, pal.

Brendan, you're missin' all the fun!

Bill Wheeler's throwin' up!

- Alright! - Yeah!

Carol, Yo-Yo the Clown cancelled at the last minute.

When I saw how disappointed Brendan was, I..

I just couldn't let him down again.

[instrumental music]

I'm sorry.

You really are a big Yo-Yo.

[squeaking] Oh!

And a really terrific father.

Will you marry me?

Why not?

Argh, they say you'll never forget your wedding day.

Boy, were they right.

I'm sorry to do this, but I really have got to go.

I'm sorry too. Here's your hat. Have a safe trip!

[Penny screaming]

Everyone, they're here! They're here!

Too late. The reverend left.

No, I didn't.

I was so close, I could taste it.

["Here Comes the Bride" piano music]

Whoa, Deja vu!

Last time I was at a wedding, they played the same song.

Alright..

[music continues]

No way! Uncle Frank's Yo-Yo the Clown!

Cool, secret identity.

Friends, we are gathered here today

to join this woman and this man in holy matrimony

as quick as possible.

Is there anyone present who would object

to this man and this woman becoming husband and wife?

Put 'em down.

Good, then let's proceed.

Uh, r-reverend, if I could, could I please say something?

Oh, fine, I've always wanted to sprint through an airport

like a lunatic.

Carol, I'm not very good at this sort of thing

and I know sometimes, I must seem pretty dense.

But I know one thing.

I love you more than anything

and I always will.

Oh, Frank. That's so beautiful.

[honking]

Uh, could we wrap this up?

Frank, do you take Carol to be your lawful wedded wife

for rich or for poor, sickness and health

yada, yada, yada?

Yes, I do.

- Do you, Carol, take Frank to-- - I do.

Then by the powers vested in me

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Well, kiss the bride.

Come on. Come on.

That's so beautiful.

[sobbing]

What is your problem?

I always cry at weddings. I can't help it.

Your mascara's running.

Seriously?

Ladies and gentleman, it's my pleasure to introduce

for the first time, Mr. and Mrs..

Well, you know your name.

[applause]

Oh!

And the nightmare continues..

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]