Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, look what I found.

- Alright, guacamole. - Yeah.

Yeah, there's one good thing about moving in with Carol

and her three weeny kids.

They always got food in the refrigerator.

What are you animals eating?

Guacamole. Dig in.

That's not guacamole.

That's Karen's avocado and cold cream facial.

- Oh! - Oh!

[coughing]

Sometimes, it's just too easy.

[theme song]

[screaming]

♪ The dream wide broken ♪

♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future ♪

♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder ♪

♪ Will there ever be ♪

♪ A second time around? ♪

♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪

♪ When the tears are over ♪

♪ And the moment has come ♪

♪ Say My Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ We got the woman and man ♪

♪ We got the kids and the clan ♪

♪ Only time will tell 'em ♪

♪ If all these dreams fit under one umbrella ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ Only time will tell ♪

♪ But you know what they say ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Mom, I thought dinner started at 6:30.

It's almost 7:00.

Well, I'm-I'm sure Frank and the kids

have a good reason for being late.

Maybe they can't tell time.

So, if I learned one thing from that

it was don't spit out the window of a moving truck.

Oh, honey, that looks wonderful.

We know, we've been looking at it for half an hour.

Most people just say grace.

- Frank. - Yeah.

We were supposed to eat together

at 6:30 tonight, remember?

- Oh, was that tonight? - Yes.

Tonight and every other night, I mean, it's a little thing

we do around here, we call it dinner.

I can still eat, we only had

a couple of chili burgers and a pizza.

You ate?

Uh, snack.

Just to hold the boys over until we got home.

Brendan, you could eat more, right?

Sure, if you wanna see me explode.

Well, at least we're all here now

let's sit down together as a family.

Okay.

Oh, here comes Al.

Al, you're just in time for dinner.

Oh, great. Bullet's hungry.

Ah, sorry, no pigs at the table.

- Hm, mom, in that case-- - Watch it, Dana.

Well, if Bullet doesn't eat. I don't eat.

Can I eat in the living room?

Brendan, the whole point is that

we all sit down together as a family.

But the game's on.

Oh, that's right, Carol, the Packers are playing.

- Don't.. Frank! - What?

- What about dinner? - Uh..

Uh, yeah, you're right. Uh..

I love your turkey. Mm-hm.

Here's a thought.

Why don't we just put bowls on the floor

with their names on 'em?

[instrumental music]

Well..

[sighs] ...I guess it's bedtime.

[chuckles]

Mmm.

- Frank, Frank, Frank, I'm busy. - Mm.

Well, why don't you put that away until after..

...you know.

Frank, you know I can't relax until I'm finished

and if I'm not relaxed, I can't...you know.

I know.

- What is that chart anyway? - The rules of the house.

You know, Frank, I realized something at dinner tonight.

What?

If we don't get organized I-I'm gonna lose my mind.

I mean, it's chaos around here.

I don't know, Carol, I mean

people start makin' rules

and then they expect people to follow 'em

and, and nasty pattern develops.

Don't you have any rules you follow?

One, never operate a chainsaw

after you take a cold pill.

Frank, look, kids need structure

that's why we have to set boundaries.

You know, you could be right.

Maybe that's just what the kids need.

No, I'm not saying it's just for the kids

I expect you to follow them too.

Me?

Carol, I don't like rules.

Well, it's not like it's a punishment or something

I mean, there are rewards.

[scoffs] Yeah?

Like what rewards?

Well, like, uh, rule number 11.

Yeah?

Lights out at 10 o'clock.

[Frank] Oh, I like that rule.

[instrumental music]

Penny, what's wrong?

I just think if they're gonna have a family meeting

I should've been invited.

I mean, I work in the beauty shop

I eat here, I get my calls here

I practically live here.

Maybe that's what the meeting is about.

- Hi, grandma. - Hi, Dana.

Hiya, Penny. Mom needs her pointer.

How's thefamilymeetinggoing?

It would go a lot better if we got rid of the other family.

They cannot seem to grasp the concept of house rules.

House rules?

So that's what the meeting is all about?

Yeah. What did you think it was about? You?

[laughing] Why would I think that?

[laughing]

Thank you. Now.

This color-coded chart describes

everybody's chores for the week.

Any questions?

- Yes, Brendan. - What's a chore?

This meeting.

What, you think this is fun for us?

I'd rather do something a lot more meaningful.

Yeah, like her hair.

Okay, okay, let's just put this chart aside.

And we will go to Chart 11B

"The collection and distribution of laundry."

[Carol] 'Now, as you can see'

I have divided the house into three groups.

Group number one will be Karen, J.T. and Frank.

Group number two will be Dana, myself and Mark.

- Ow! - Oh! Sorry.

And group number three will be Brendan and Al.

Now, if you inadvertently put your clothes

in the wrong hamper..

...you can reclaim them during the..

"...sorting process."

- Uh, uh.. - Yes.

Honey, is this gonna take much longer?

I drank an awful lot of coffee.

Well, then we'll just move right ahead

to the general rules of the house.

Now, rule number one

everyone has to make his or her own bed.

Rule number two, breakfast is served promptly

at 7:30, dinner at 6:30 p.m.

Great, and in between

we can make license plates.

Al.

[sighs] Rule number three, bathroom time

everyone will be limited to 12 minutes.

Why do they even need the bathroom?

Don't they just lick themselves clean?

Okay, rule number four, TV watching.

Everyone is allowed six hours

of television watching per week.

- What? Six hours per week? - What? Oh, come on!

Okay, okay, settle down, settle down.

Now, these tickets..

...are good for one half hour of TV.

What happens if you use up all your tickets?

Then you'll just have to read a book.

Oh, man!

But, if you have any tickets

left over at the end of the week

'you get a gold star per ticket.'

If you have ten gold stars

you get two dollars extra added to your allowance.

[gasps] Wow!

No, no, believe me, it adds up.

I invested in a nice little mutual fund

that pays an attractive dividend.

You know what? You're boring.

I know.

Who are you calling boring, pig breath?

Pig breath?

How'd you like to wake up in the group three hamper?

[indistinct chatter]

[whistling]

Now, wait a minute, this meeting is not over.

It is for us, dad.

- We're out of here. - Yeah.

What? Now, wait a minute, you guys.

This couldn't take longer than a couple more hours.

[sighs]

Well, this is a disaster.

No, I still think the rules will work.

I was talking about your marriage.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[whistling] Oh, J.T. look

we have to talk about these house rules.

Okay, they stink.

Well, that's a start.

You wanna see if we can keep this dialogue rollin', huh?

Dad, we never had any rules in our house

and look how good I turned out.

[sighs]

J.T...

...Al and Brendan look up to you.

Why, I don't know, but...if you go along

with these rules, maybe they will too.

Oh, dad, do I have to?

- I'll make it worth your while. - Really?

Yeah, now, you know those high-tops

that I promised you?

You don't do this, you don't get 'em.

Let me get this straight.

I have to go along with this

to get something I was already gonna get?

- You got it. - That is totally unfair.

Well, hey, keep this up, you won't get

something else I was gonna get ya.

Ten seconds, Karen.

[Karen] 'I hate this.'

Hey, I don't make the rules.

Come out now or I'm coming in.

Wow!

That is a really good look for you.

You're an insect.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Aren't you going to hang that up?

I wasn't planning on it.

[cheering on TV]

- What are you doing? - Watching the game.

It's homework time, we're not supposed to watch TV.

So don't watch.

[scoffs]

You know, you need an attitude adjustment.

Yeah, you wanna try to adjust it for me?

- Love to. - You and what army?

Wait, wait, guys, tell me something here.

Is there going to be fighting? Because I just did my nails.

What is your problem?

Nothing, really. Just you, her.

This room.

This house. These rules.

Other than that, you're fine?

Oh, I'm better then fine.

In fact, everything around here is fine.

This is fine.

This is fine.

This is fine.

These are fine. These are fine.

- These are fine-- - Hey, hey, hey! Al!

Knock it off.

Look, we all hate these rules, but if you're gonna live here

you're gonna have to live by 'em.

Great.

Then I'm not gonna live here.

[instrumental music]

Oh, Carol, quick, turn on the TV

the World series is on, it's the bottom of the night

and the bases are loaded.

Frank, do you have a TV ticket?

TV ticket?

Of course not, I used all mine up on the monster truck rally.

Frank, Frank, Frank, I know it's important to you

but you don't wanna set a bad example.

Well..

Oh, hello, Brendan.

Hey, you wouldn't happen to have an extra TV ticket, would you?

Yep, I got four.

Oh, four.

Oh, um..

You wanna give one to your old pal dad?

No, I'm saving them to watch Dumbo.

Dumbo? What's to watch?

He's an elephant and he flies, no big deal.

- Hi, guys. - Oh, oh, Karen.

Karen.

Would you have an extra TV ticket?

- I think so, let me see. - Yes!

Eyeliner, lip gloss, nail polish.

Misty plum, I was wondering where I put that.

Give me the bag..

- Frank? - Honey, just one ticket.

Oh, Mark.

Hey, pal, I'm desperate, the World Series is on

I'll pay you a dollar for a TV ticket.

Frank, the play-offs are a dollar

World Series is five.

- Well, I won't pay. - Fine, read about it.

Mark.

Mom, it's not personal, it's business.

Well..

Alright, alright.

Five dollars, here.

Yeah!

There. Oh..

[man on TV] 'Wow, that was really something.'

'A triple play'

'and the World Series is over.'

'It has to be the greatest play I have seen'

'in 50 years of broadcasting.'

'Well, see you next year.'

I'm sorry, no refunds.

Carol.

- Can I see you in the kitchen? - Sure, honey.

Are you crazy?

That was the World Series.

It was something that I've spent six months

looking forward to.

And I had to buy a ticket to watch it

from a scalper who's your son!

- You seem upset. - Hmm!

I'm way past upset.

You have a rule for everything.

When to eat? Where to eat? What to eat?

I haven't eaten in four days

I'm so worried about breaking your rules.

Would you control yourself, Frank?

How can I control myself?

I can't even watch TV in my own house.

And I think I'm wearing Brendan's underwear.

Brendan is not even in your group.

You're bananas, you know that?

Your porch light's on, but nobody's home.

Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor!

Frank, I don't care what you say, these rules work.

Now, look at J.T., there is a kid who needed boundaries.

He needed high-tops.

- I bribed him. - Oh!

I don't believe it.

Honey, your rules are driving everybody crazy.

Excuse me.

As much as I hate to break up a fight

that could split you two up and free me

from this living hell..

...there's something I think you should know about Al.

What, is it bad news?

Depends on your perspective.

She's totally fed up with the rules and she's moving out.

I think it's good news.

I'd, uh, better go talk to her.

She's out on the porch waiting for a cab.

- Oh. - No, wa-wait.

Frank, wait.

[sighs] Oh!

You know, she's out there because of me, I feel terrible.

Do you mind if I go talk to her?

No, honey, go ahead.

So, Frank.

Did you see that game?

- Hi. - Hi.

I heard you're leaving.

You heard right.

So, where are you going?

I'm going to live with my grandma in Milwaukee.

She only hasonerule.

Don't drink from the glass she keeps her teeth in.

So, I guess there are a lot of kids there your age, huh?

Not really.

She lives in one of those

old people trailer parks.

But that's okay, 'cause, uh, I'll have my own room.

Well, that's nice.

And I guess there's lots for you to do there, huh?

Oh, yeah.

There's, uh, Bingo and Shuffleboard.

And on Saturdays, a van comes by

and takes everybody's blood pressure.

Sounds great.

Yeah.

I'm gonna love it there.

[sobbing]

[clicks tongue]

It's okay, sweetheart.

It's okay.

You know, Al, you can stay here

we can work this out.

No, no, I, uh, I think I-I better go.

Yeah, but, Al, leaving is not the answer.

It would just break your father's heart, and mine too.

You belong here.

Well, I don't feel like I belong here.

I feel like everything I do is wrong.

Yeah.

I've been feeling like that these days too.

- You? - Yeah.

I think I might have gone a little over the edge

with these rules.

No, no, no, no, you went way over the edge.

Yeah, well, I just try to make the house run more smoothly

and I thought these rules would bring everyone together.

Oh, they did.

We all hate 'em.

Yeah.

Guess these rules are a pretty bad idea, huh?

Well, they weren't all bad.

So, so, you would go along with some rules?

Some. Not the dumb ones.

Yeah, see, but I guess that's my problem

I'm not sure which ones are the dumb ones.

Well, I could show you in a minute.

You got a minute?

Yeah.

They'll never make it.

It'll be 6:30 in exactly..

- Five, four, three, two.. - Four, three, two..

[panting]

Frank, you made it.

Piece of cake.

Well, isn't this nice, here we are

finally sitting down together as a family.

What could be better than this?

Well, we could be having dinner

and watching the space shuttle land.

Is that on now?

Touchdown is scheduled for 6:33

weather permitting.

Oh, what the heck. Break the rule.

Yeah, you're right.

[indistinct chatter]

No fries on the furniture.

- Carol, Carol, uh.. - Yeah.

You know, when you break a rule like that, uh..

- It really turns me on. - Oh, yeah?

[instrumental music]

[music continues]