Original subtitles

[foot steps]

� O Canada! �

� Our home and native land! �

� True patriot love �

� in all thy sons' command �

� With glowing hearts we see they rise �

� The true North strong and free �

� From far and wide �

� O Canada, �

� we stand on guard for thee �

� God keep our land �

� glorious and free! �

� O Canada, �

� we stand on guard for thee, �

� O Canada, �

� we stand on guard for thee �

Here I come, Gump.

Just to let you know, I'll be going around to your left.

Oh!

And... Through your legs, Stan!

And, oh my goodness! Was that a no-look,

shoulder flip, behind the back,

around the stick... He scores!

That ain't so hot.

You talking to me?

Suppose I am.

Well, just so you know,

there's no smoking on the ice surface.

It's a public place.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, put it out.

Hey!

What was that all about?

There's no need for violence --

especially when playing sports.

You're kidding?

Well, I'm confused. 'Cause rumour has it,

you're supposed to be pretty good.

I wouldn't know anything about rumours.

He's home-schooled.

He lives kind of a sheltered life.

Shut your mouth, marginal member of society.

Whoa...

Look, I got fifty bucks that says I can take you

and the first one to ten wins.

I don't gamble.

And I ain't askin'.

I could give you fifty bucks, Farley.

Last night I hit the mother lode in empties

and I am flush.

�

� My home rink, �

� your puck �

� You're foolish and I'm going to school you, chump. �

�

� Yeah, good luck. �

�

� How much more perfect can you get? �

�

� Stick on the ice, puck in the net. �

�

� One, two, three, four! �

� In a row, how many more? �

� Five, six, seven, eight! �

� Is this your first time on skates? �

� That makes nine, one more makes ten �

� Fifty bucks! �

� Who's getting drunk again! �

� I've seen the greats on skates �

� From the Great Slave Lake �

� to the Great Lakes States �

� Yeah, great story, has-been, pay up. �

� I know just what it takes. �

� If it weren't for a few mistakes, �

� I could have been in the NHL �

� Aw, like hell! �

� Are we supposed to believe that baloney? �

� You'd be lucky to drive a Zamboni!�

� Seriously, I know what I'm talking about. �

� I know there's a fifty, you better pay out! �

� It was worth it and I rise above it. �

� It was an honour to play you. �

� Shove it! �

Looks like the Sherpa training's

starting to pay off.

Hey, Eve.

Hey Farley.

So how was practice today?

We have a new player in the group.

Marco is a virtuoso

who just arrived from Milan.

I've never heard anyone play so well.

It makes me feel like

taking my mother's advice and

signing up for medical school

when I hear someone that talented.

Eve, you can't let your dream

of making the symphony die just 'cause some

hotshot from Italy comes into your backyard

with some fancy moves.

Listen to you with your sports metaphors.

For a second there I almost thought you were a jock.

As if.

�

� Eve and I have known each other since we were two �

� Our parents met at a fundraiser for Desmond Tutu �

� She moved in next door at the age of three. �

� That we would be best friends was destiny. �

� We're best friends through thick and thin. �

� Both home-schooled weirdos �

� that could never fit in. �

� Best friends through thick and thin. �

� When I was five I threw up on her colony of ants. �

� Farley once made me laugh so hard �

� that I peed my pants. �

� She knows all my secrets. �

� There's nothing to hide. �

� He knows all my secrets �

� except one that I hide. �

� We're best friends through thick and thin. �

� Both home-schooled weirdos �

� that could never fit in. �

� We're best friends through thick and thin. �

�

� Easy with each other like second skin. �

� We're best friends through thick and thin. �

�

� Eve's my best friend in the whole world. �

� It's never mattered that she's a girl. �

� Farley's my best friend in the whole wide world. �

� He's got the sensitivity of a girl. �

� Best friends through thick and thin. �

� Best friends through thick and thin. �

� Best friends through thick and thin. �

� Best friends through thick and thin. �

�

� Eve's my best friend and it's chronic. �

�

� Farley's my soul mate. �

� He thinks it's platonic. �

�

We have some wonderful news, Farley.

As part of your geography and social sciences curriculum,

we're trekking across Chechnya

for six weeks.

Lunch was great.

Aren't you studying this afternoon?

The ice is perfect right now.

I think I'm going to go to the rink for another hour

and then hit the books afterwards.

Yet another advantage of being home-schooled.

�

� We've been through this before. �

� You're free to walk out the door. �

� But I think it needs to be said, �

� too much hockey's not good for the head. �

� Parents, your worries are in vain.�

� Playing shinny will not rot my brain. �

� In fact, study after study has conclusively proven �

� the benefits of exercise-induced movin'. �

�

� Look at the temperature it's colder than Venus. �

� You'll get frostbite on your -- �

Toe.

� I'm wearing my organic wool sweater �

� so I'm good to go. �

�

� Though physical activity is a worthwhile tonic. �

� The clientele at the rink is rather moronic. �

� Elitism about sports aside, �

� even Einstein, over the ice �

� he liked to glide. �

� Oh, where's our Farley? �

� The boy that we adore. Where's our Farley? �

� Why's he always skipping out the door? �

� Where's your Farley? He loves to skate and score. �

� Where's your Farley? He'll be back for dinner. �

�

Come on.

You're going to make your granddad late.

I don't want to go to daycare!

Well, you're going.

Aw, get up, you little bastard.

Come on.

Granddad,

go screw yourself!

Uh...

Walk away, Walter.

Just walk away.

� Beethoven's Ode to Joy �

Hey, son!

You talking to me, sir?

Yeah. What's your name?

Farley Gordon.

It doesn't ring a bell.

How old are you?

Seventeen.

Who owns your rights?

Sir, there's a little kid attached to your leg.

And I don't have any idea what you're talking about.

Yeah, it's my grandson.

There's hope we can domesticate him one day.

So who do you play for?

Nobody. Never have.

What? Why not?

My parents don't believe in team competitions.

What are they, communists?

Ah, not in the classic sense, though.

They're kind of more like pacifist-anarchists,

although I'm sure they'd deny even that categorization.

You mean to tell me you've never played

an organized game of hockey in your life?

That's right.

Just whatever games I can pick up here on the rink.

Well, son, my name is Walt Acorn.

I'm the owner of the Brampton Blades.

I want the chance to sit down

with you and your parents

and talk over your future in hockey.

I'm not sure I understand.

If you could do half of what I saw you do today

in an organized game,

you could be the next Sidney Crosby.

Cindy who?

We don't speak athlete in this family.

And we have no desire to sign

Farley up for hockey.

And what with his pottery classes

and his volunteering at the museum

and his much-anticipated

hands-on anthropology course--

Throw in the all-things Chechnya extravaganza

to that equation and--

It's obvious there's no time for

organized team hockey in his schedule.

Wow!

This conversation just laid a giant turd

in the shallow end of the stupid pool.

So... I take it we're done here.

Thankfully, yes.

Unless, of course, you'd like to hear

another of my folk songs.

� Hugs are free. �

� So hug away. �

� Hugs, hugs, hugs. �

� Hugs are free. �

Well, that's a definite Kumba-Nah there, toots.

Son, you know,

I've been around hockey over sixty years.

This is the first time I've ever had to tell someone

they're making a huge mistake...

You're making a huge mistake.

Put on your big boy pants,

carpe life by the balls.

You have a gift.

�

What's wrong, Farley?

You've been on Planet Glum all morning.

Okay.

I want to give organized hockey a try.

Team sports?

Really?

Maybe my id is out on a day pass

but it's all I can think about.

And let me guess.

Your parents think the idea is more inherently evil

than genetically-modified food

and organized religion.

Yeah.

�

� Farley Gordon, you should always follow your heart. �

� But everyone knows that hockey's not art. �

� I've never been to camp �

� or even played on a team. �

� I've never been away from my parents. �

� And you're seventeen. �

� I'm seventeen. �

� He's seventeen. �

�

� Eventually we all have to cut the umbilical cord. �

� What if I don't fit in? What if I get bored? �

� Embrace the Zen mindset for this part of your journey. �

� Quit if you find group sports unworthy. �

�

� So you think that I should join. �

� Should I give it a shot? �

� What have you got to lose? �

� So why? So why not? �

� So I'll join the team and I'll give it a shot. �

� So you'll join the team. So you'll give it a shot. �

� Yeah, I'm seventeen. �

� I might like it a lot. �

� Yeah, you're seventeen. �

� You'll probably like it a lot. �

� And by doing so we can �

� advance the plot. �

� Plot, plot, plot. �

Call this a mother's intuition,

but this has Neanderthal and

ne'er-do-well written all over it.

I promise I won't do anything to not make you proud.

Interesting.

Double negative.

Like hockey and violence.

Please. I'm going to Brampton,

not Bosnia, okay?

I'll be back by dinner.

Goodbye, Farley.

Goodbye.

Love you.

Did you ever play hockey, Edgar?

�

Figure skating was my world.

Agh!

And since then I've had a hatred

for all things hockey.

Come on, let's go now!

To your left! Get on him! To your left!

Lookin' good! Lookin' good!

Hustle, hustle, hustle!

Make those passes count!

Let's go!

Skate!

Let's go now!

This is a closed practice.

Well, actually, I'm here to play on the team.

What?

Excuse me?

Ah, was, I was asked to join the team.

By who?

"Whom." It's actually "whom."

It's the object of the preposition.

I don't care if it's the ass-end of a 12-point buck.

Answer the question.

Walt Acorn.

You know that the last nugget

that Walt Acorn unearthed for me

played in only one single game.

Why, what happened to him?

Stopped a slap shot with his tonsils.

Broke his jaw in four places.

Do yourself a favour, son.

It's not too late.

Bust that sequined unitard out of the closet,

sharpen up those toe picks

and rejoin the figure skating squad.

Trust me.

They'll welcome you back with open arms.

I'm here to play hockey.

Oh yeah?

We'll see about that, peacock.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

This should fit.

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Is that right?

Not unless you're a dick face.

Not like ladies, like men!

Go after it, guys, go after it!

Up against the boards.

Something wrong with your balls, son?

No, just the...

equipment's a little uncomfortable.

Don't worry, you won't be wearing it that long.

You! Give us Bailey and Apps!

Let's see you, peacock.

�

That's cute, twinkle toes.

Want to go again?

Yeah.

Ferguson, McNamee!

Let's see you, kid.

�

The Moose.

�

Ugh!

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Out go the lights.

Aristotle?

That's a first.

What happened?

Well, you ran into a brick wall named The Moose.

I bet they heard the hit in Mumbai.

Hey! Hey, boss!

We in the hardware business?

Sure feels like I'm getting screwed.

You can't be serious about letting that kid play.

You saw what he did with the puck 'til he got flattened.

That won't happen again.

One game, regular shifts.

If he's not as good as I think he is,

do what you want.

Come on, Walt. He's going to get killed out there.

Last time I checked, I still own the team.

Pfft...

Farley Gordon.

Ah, there you are.

Great meeting you, sprout.

Now, if you want any information

on joining our booster club,

you'll find it on our web site. Here.

Here's a T-shirt. Thanks for coming out.

So that's it, I'm off the team?

Well, not technically.

But I figured getting knocked out,

that would be enough to convince you

that these are very,

very dangerous waters

that you're lily-dipping in.

Sir,

do you ever have those epiphany moments

where all of a sudden the world starts making

a lot more sense?

Occasionally, a good bowel movement

will have that effect.

Yeah.

Well..

this might sound stupid, but...

before Walt Acorn walked into my life

there was a hole, a longing that

I couldn't articulate or, rather,

I didn't even know existed.

But I honestly believe that organized hockey

might just fill that hole.

� What do you weigh, kid? �

� A buck fifty-five? �

� I'm not that vain. I'm not into my size. �

� There are other games that are more �

� appropriate for you to play - �

� Like checkers, like chess, and croquet. �

� Well, I've always been taught �

� to see things through. �

� To my heart... always be true �

�

� Hallmark, I'm sure, would be so proud �

� to hear you voice those sentiments out loud. �

� But a well-played fart would knock you down. �

� If The Moose meant harm, �

� you'd be in a hospital gown. �

� This is the toughest league in the land. �

� You'll never survive so become a fan. �

� Just because I still have my front teeth, �

� don't assume that I can't compete. �

� Though I might not come with a hockey pedigree - �

� Why can't I still dream of being �

� the next Crosby? �

� You never played the game. �

� No one even knows your name. �

� Hockey legends don't happen overnight. �

� It takes a bunch of years �

� and a bucketful of tears. �

� And to put you in the game is suicide. �

I can't kick you off the team

and I won't protect you.

And when you're lying in a coma,

don't say I didn't warn you.

Technically, if I'm in a coma

I wouldn't be able to speak.

One game.

Doesn't Mr. Acorn's opinion count for anything?

I mean, obviously, he saw something in me

that he thought worth giving a shot.

He's legally blind without his glasses.

Yeah. No way.

My guess he wasn't wearing them when he discovered you.

You didn't notice anything strange about his behaviour?

How long have you owned a dog?

�

Tomorrow's game starts at two.

Don't be late, tough guy.

I don't have to tell you guys what this game means.

The Devils...

dirty cheap-shot artists who wouldn't hesitate

to rip out their mother's heart,

sell it on eBay for a minimum bid

if it meant two points.

Which is...

..precisely why they're in first place!

Where's your passion?

A mouse!

You mean this? The common mus musculus.

Get it out of here.

Game time!

Let's go, guys. Come on.

Let's go.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who pooed on your shirt?

Yeah!

�

Yes! Yes!

Mess him up!

Hit 'em high. Hit 'em low.

Make him sing soprano!

�

It's like Dante's Inferno down there.

�

You missed the introductions.

�

What could have caused all this?

� Hockey without fighting �

� is like Kraft Dinner without cheese. �

� It's still pasta... �

� but the palate, it won't please. �

� Violence in sport? �

� Isn't this supposed to be fun? �

� The boys are letting off steam. �

� They're not hurting anyone. �

� La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada �

� Jab, jab! Hook, hook! Kidney punch! �

� La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada �

� Jab, jab! Hook, hook! Kidney punch! �

� La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada �

� Jab, jab! Hook, hook! Kidney punch! �

� La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada �

� Jab, jab! Jersey pull! Kidney punch! �

�

� Haven't seen so much gore since the �

� Off-Broadway production of Macbeth. �

� At least Farley wasn't involved �

� in all the fracas. �

� This is all starting to feel �

� less innocent, I confess. �

� You've led a sheltered life, �

� from what I can surmise. �

� But on the ice, �

� the rules of society don't apply. �

� Cast your worries aside, �

� is my advice. �

� 'Cause this game is the start of �

� the rest of your life. �

� organ �

[announcer] It's Friday in Blades country.

And today's tilt against the Duntroon Devils

is set to be a doozy

and not just because the Devils

are Public Enemy #1 in these parts.

But because in an unprecedented move in

Ontario Major Hockey League history,

a player is set to make his organized hockey debut.

That's right, folks.

Number 14, Farley Gordon

has never played a minute of league play.

Not Midget, not House League,

not Tyke, not nothin'!

All right, boys. Let's have a clean game.

Eat my rectal cheese, Ref.

You're a dead man walking.

�

Oh my goodness, that kid has game!

That just obliterated the record for

fastest goal by a rookie by about two lifetimes!

Gor-don! Gor-don!

Gor-don! Gor-don!

�

Slick, very slick.

But got to I remind you--

Keep my head up. I know.

Move it around, guys! Come on, move it around!

Ever think of passing the puck?

Sorry, Coach, I looked. There wasn't anybody around.

Wow!

A dandy of a debut from the novice from nowhere.

Four goals, two assists --

except for the Hall of Fame,

I have never seen hockey talent displayed so well.

Farley Gordon, you are the future of the sport.

What do you have to say?

Clearly, much smoother on his skates

than he is in front of the camera.

Gor-don! Gor-don!

Gor-don! Gor-don!

Gor-don! Gor-don!

Gor-don! Gor-don!

Gor-don! Gor-don!

Hey!

Bailey, need to speak to you.

What was that all about?

Because you're on the team, Bailey's off.

True, his on-ice skills might have been

better served to driving a Zamboni,

but he was like a son to Coach Donker.

Especially after Bailey lost both his parents

to a grizzly attack.

Hockey was that damn orphan's life,

his family.

So that's why the coach hates me.

So what will Bailey do now?

He'll probably start pouring beer

on his breakfast cereals.

Knock up his uglier

than day-old poutine girlfriend.

One marriage, two children,

three affairs.

Significant hair loss, back acne,

weight gain.

And then twenty years later he will be

unceremoniously laid off from his miserable job.

The stress of this will lead to a fatal heart attack

within a week.

But at least death will free him from

the bitterness he's felt every damn minute

since that Brampton Blades jersey

was ripped from his heart.

But that's just a guess.

Welcome aboard.

�

� No doubt hockey players �

� descended from baboons. �

� Going by the behaviour of those goons. �

�

� Okay, I'll admit that the violence �

� was slightly excessive. �

� The Roar of the crowd was awfully impressive. �

�

� I've never seen you look so alive before. �

� Rush of the game made my spirits soar. �

� My brain was working in rapturous elation �

� trying to figure out hockey, �

� the equation. �

� Hockey, the equation? �

� Hockey, � Hockey, the equation. � the equation. �

� Hockey, the equation. �

� The math doesn't make much sense. �

� I'm shocked... �

� to hear such utter nonsense. �

� Dad, please I'm just trying to have fun. �

� I'm not joining the army �

� and I'm not hurting anyone. �

�

And to finish the broadcast tonight...

I want to bring you the story of a 17-year-old

who might just be the best amateur hockey player

in the country today.

The almost unbelievable thing is

Farley Gordon has been playing organized hockey

for exactly one game.

Insiders are already suggesting that his name

might one day be mentioned

in the same exalted company

as Howe, Orr, Gretzky or Richard.

I want you to find out everything you can

about this Farley Gordon.

And I want someone to explain to me why this kid

wasn't on our radar before.

We pride ourselves on knowing more than God

about hockey talent in Canada.

Get on it.

�

�

�

Yeah.

Mornin'.

Hi, Farley.

How was your third game?

Incredible. Even better than the first two.

I loved every minute of it.

Except for the two bench brawls.

That's fantastic.

Hey, how's the practicing going?

Things going any better with Carlo... Mario?

Marco?

Yeah. A bit.

�

Your playing is...

magnifico.

It's like a voluptuous

Chianti from Arezzo.

It's...

...so un-Canadian.

Well, at least you're making progress.

I'm glad you woke me up.

I might have slept through practice.

But Wednesdays we volunteer at the soup kitchen.

You're not coming?

Right.

I forgot.

I'm sure Coach won't mind if I miss a practice.

Does anyone know

where our precious

Farley Gordon might be?

Kid scores nine goals in his first three games.

Maybe he doesn't need to practice.

You got a show pony on your hands, Coach.

Clearly he trots to the beat of a different drummer.

� Listen, you dinosaur. �

� There's no 'I' in team. �

�

� What's the real issue, Coach? �

� What's making you scream? �

�

� I don't care if he can write his name �

� backwards in the snow with pee. �

� He misses practice, �

� and I question his sanity. �

�

� From what I saw, the upside on Farley's stratospheric �

� I've been getting media requests �

� all the way from Inuvik. �

� However, if you have a problem �

� with Gordon, I won't disagree. �

� You won't? �

� I'll find a new coach who can work with the prodigy. �

�

� La-da-da-da-da-da-da �

� Da-da-da-da-da-da-da �

�

�

Well, my heart goes out to the other team.

They clearly wanted to win just as badly as we did.

And then it just seems kind of unfair

that somebody has to lose.

Am I hearing what I'm hearing?

You know, I wonder sometimes, should we just

throw out the scoreboard

and just play for the fun of it?

Wow.

And then when this Greyhound player came at me,

I did this thing called the deke.

I faked to my left, did a twirl,

went top corner.

Goalie never even saw it coming.

I have to say,

six games into this little sports experiment,

I'm really enjoying the experience.

Wow. Hey, that's incredible.

And your team mates? Fitting in all right?

�

�

�

That is awesome!

That is awesome!

Yeah!

�

Farley,

we're teenagers,

we live for whim, we gorge on irrationality.

And we're definitely not immune

to losing ourselves in passion.

Not you and certainly not me.

No one.

What are you talking about?

�

Falling so hard for something

that nothing else matters.

Eve...

...there's absolutely nothing to worry about.

I'll race you up the steps.

sighs>

� sitar music �

� Ohm... �

� sitar music �

How do you do that?

What?

Control the puck with your eyes closed?

Oh, it's just a little bit of metaphysics

I picked up when my family was staying

in an ashram in India.

Is it possible to teach me how to do that?

Sure. Yeah.

Um, On a scale of one to ten,

how would you rate your Ohm meditation technique?

My what?

� Ohm... �

�

� Ohm... �

�

� Could this really be happening to me? �

� I'm becoming part of a larger entity �

� though I never had any interest in male bonding. �

� To my team mates' warmth, �

� I'm definitely responding. �

�

� We've never met anyone like him before, �

� but he's starting to grow on us and he can score. �

�

� Impossible question, but I'll ask anyway. �

� What car would you pick if you didn't have to pay? �

� Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! �

� One that is environmentally friendly �

� Has the best conditions for its employees. �

What?

� I did everything I could to learn �

� adolescent customs and the Blades love earn. �

�

How big was it?

� The embrace of the team started to become �

� a second family except way more fun. �

� It's amazing the tricks one can do �

� with a loaded gun. �

�

� Never met anyone quite like him before. �

� Now he's part of the team and �

� he's part of the core. �

�

� Is this really what's transpiring �

� on these bus trips? �

� Whatever happened to reading Aristotle's Poetics? �

�

� I guess I'm expanding �

� my party tricks. �

�

� Farley Gordon, you're a star in every way. �

� We're starting to like you more and more each day. �

�

� Gosh, I think that turned out well. �

�

� Are you okay? �

� Those needles can hurt like hell. �

�

� Sometimes when I'm happy, I start to cry. �

� Does this now mean I'm finally one of the guys? �

� We all agree that you're definitely not lame. �

�

� Whoa! �

� Let's save the untoward affection for the game. �

� We'll race you to the other end. �

�

� 'Cause, wow, it feels great �

� to have boyfriends! �

After you're drafted number one,

that's when our real work begins.

Now, here's a little branding 101--

Men's Beauty, or Men-eauty,

are the gateway products we use to establish

your pitchman cred to corporate Canada.

In the Men-eauty world,

"crazors" -- creams and razors --

are the benchmark.

One tastefully-shot commercial with your shirt off,

your face lathered,

a hottie giving you that come-hither look,

you blue-steeling her in return,

they will be begging you

to pimp their product.

But I don't even shave.

You don't even shave.

I'm going to give you a piece of advice.

You're about to enter a world where money

overflows like the Red River in spring.

In this universe, RE-AL-I-TY

is just a four syllable word

that need never be mentioned again.

Swag!

What's this?

It's the gravy train of life.

Ladle up.

�

I cannot believe there's an entire magazine

completely devoted to hockey.

Olaf, at work, gave it to me.

Here, read about your son.

You think there's a chance that

we were wrong about sports?

� Oh, soon the day will come-- �

Hi, guys.

�

� Soon I will seduce them all. �

�

Soar, Eve.

Set your inhibitions loose.

I'm afraid I'm going to fall.

Mo, you are with Marco, concerto master.

Feel the music in your heart,

in your soul.

Let my impeto be your inspiration.

Oh!

Oh.

Hey, Eve.

Hi, Farley.

Um, Marco, do you mind letting me go?

ertimento, my dear.

Marco, this is Farley.

Farley, Marco.

Oh, yes, the ragazzo.

The Italian.

�

What?

Whoa. What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Please.

You and Marco looked really great together.

You're never going to get me to admit

I have a thing for Marco.

He's not my type.

�

Welcome back to Hardcore Hockey Talk, everyone.

I'm Steve Kouleas.

More hockey still to come,

but there he is.

Farley Gordon joins me on the program.

So much to talk about.

Let's get right to it.

How does it feel to go from no one to number one

in a matter of weeks?

I don't pay any attention to that.

I'm just trying to be a good team mate

and contribute in any way I can.

The kid speaks athlete like he's all world!

The hype, and it is exactly that,

is way overblown.

I mean, I would be thrilled to make a pro team,

let alone to star on one.

I mean, the only thing that I can control

is Farley Gordon.

Some critics, and they

definitely are in the minority,

suggest that you, my friend,

might be a little soft.

What's your response?

I don't have one.

I just let my game do all the talking.

Last question, for fun, boxers or briefs?

Well, no comment.

But I will say this, by tomorrow,

the whole country will know.

Can you believe it?

It's pretty tasteful.

�

Look!

�

Farley Gordon!

Hey, easy now.

Everybody will get their turn.

Man, I love surfing in your wake.

�

I got to tell you, folks, Farley Gordon

is certainly exposing Jean Luc Pierre Henri

as the sieve that he is.

Another three-goal performance by the rookie sensation.

And, you know, with each game

the next one is further cementing his reputation

as the player most likely to go tops in the draft.

�

Yeah!

Let's go!

Let's go! Help a brother out now.

Everybody takes a man!

Mess them up!

�

� drumming �

Nice fight there, peacock.

Do I have the floor?

What?

If I have the floor, I'd like to defend my pacifism.

It's a decision I came to after a lot of--

Ha ha!

There's one rule.

One rule only.

When someone is trying to take your head off,

you don't roll over on the ice,

cover your ears and cry like a baby.

You...

hit back!

You...

defend your honour!

Our honour!

At least we were respected before you arrived.

� Forgive me for asking, �

� for not seeing the light. �

� But what's so shameful about �

� not wanting to fight? �

� It's part of the game. �

� It's part of the code. �

� When someone challenges your manhood, �

� you go toe-to-toe. �

�

� But what does that have to do with hockey? �

� I still don't understand. �

� How do fisticuffs equate to... �

� being a man? �

�

� On the ice I've always had your back. �

� If they mess with you, they get a whack. �

� If that don't help them comprende �

� the knuckle sandwich comes into play. �

� You see, I drop the gloves when it's required. �

� That's the reason I was hired. �

� I don't make fancy passes. �

� I right wrongs by kicking asses. �

� Without me, most would agree, �

� The game would devolve into anarchy. �

� Devolve? �

� What does that mean? �

� A brawler on ice, I won't lie. �

� But away from the rink I'm a sensitive guy. �

� I'm not afraid to show a feminine side. �

� In fact, during "The Notebook" I cried -- �

� Twice! It's pathetic. �

� All of these duties I'm happy to perform, �

� But I can't watch out for someone who won't conform -- �

� To the code! �

� To the code! �

� So stop bending over. Fight like a man. �

� Just take one swing and we'll be a band -- �

� Of brothers! Of brothers! �

� Telling war stories 'til �

� we're a hundred and three. �

� Boys, if I wanted to fight, I'd join the MMA. �

� But hockey's the game I love to play. �

� Is he even Canadian, eh? �

� Why does an anti-violence stand �

� make me less of a man? �

� In fact, last time the doctor checked �

� my testosterone was up to spec. �

�

� Because we eat, �

� we play, �

� we shower together. �

� We go in the corners. �

� We'll be friends forever. �

� And forever. �

�

� By refusing to fight, �

� we can no longer guarantee �

� that around the ice �

� you can skate with impunity. �

� No one's expecting you to �

� punch out someone's lights. �

� Just take a few swings

� and it'll be all right. �

� But until you do, �

� there's a line in the sand. �

� You might be on the team, �

� but you aren't a part of this band... �

� Of brothers!

Oh, brothers!

� United we'll be 'til eternity �

� Brothers! Oh, brothers! �

� Telling war stories 'til �

� we're a hundred and three. �

�

Look, I don't like the fighting any more than you do...

...but that's not why I play the game.

Farley, that's like saying

the KKK are a swell bunch of guys

except for their views on African-Americans.

I think you're overreacting.

Besides, aren't you proud of how Farley

stood up for himself?

our father and I have discussed the matter

and we feel it's in everybody's best interests

if you quit the team.

Did you ever think that I might like to be

an active participant

in your little t�te-�-t�te?

Sarcasm, it's so teenager-ly.

Farley, it's cheap.

Yeah.

Well, so is talk.

�

� Is it me or my parents who is right? �

� One of us is clearly not seeing the light. �

� I thought I had it all, all figured out. �

� Now everything seems so in doubt. �

�

� Farley Gordon, �

� you should always follow your heart. �

�

� Yeah, I once took that advice, �

� now everything's falling apart. �

�

Play that tape again.

I don't care if you're one of the greatest players

to ever lace up a pair of skates --

defend your honour.

Farley Gordon has come out and said that he's a pacifist?

Ha!

I think that there's another 'P' word

that is more appropriate.

We'll be back.

See, in Canada, we tend to like our hockey players

served with a good helping of macho.

And ever since your non-fight,

your testosterone- to-estrogen ratio,

it's been put into question.

Trust me.

The offers are going to start coming in

once you kick the ass in masculine.

�

�

Oh!

�

If they won't respect your ideals,

how can you call them team mates?

Maybe you should reconsider your friendship.

Honestly, they're just a little

misguided about fighting.

I think eventually they'll come around.

Eve, there's something I've wanted

to talk to you about for awhile now.

Of course, Farley.

I don't know where to start.

Please don't take this the wrong way, okay?

Oh, God, this is embarrassing

but I'm going to say it anyway.

Being a Blade has made me realize

just how isolated I've been.

Like, maybe my parents are just not as cool

as I once thought they were.

Farley, they were vegans,

environmentalists and Yo-Yo Ma fans

before it was fashionable.

And now you're defending my parents?

Whose side are you on anyway?

They reject anything that even has

a whiff of mainstream

before they give it a chance.

I am sick of being different.

What is wrong with fitting in?

Anyone can fit in.

Different, now that takes imagination.

Does it? Or is it a crutch?

Bless you.

Are you wearing cologne?

Yeah.

And this stuff isn't even on the market yet.

My agent wants to make sure that if I do go Number One

there's a scent that I can stand by.

Farley, I have a severe fragrance allergy.

I thought you knew that.

Guess I forgot.

You know what else you forgot?

My birthday.

It was yesterday.

Oh, Eve, I'm--

I shouldn't have even mentioned it, Farley.

Honestly, I could care less.

Birthdays are overrated anyway.

People change, priorities shift.

We move on.

Happy Birthday.

May all your wishes come true.

Marco."

�

Come on, Mama's boy.

Ow! Hey!

Leave me alone, ass-face!

What are you going to do about it, huh?

Come on. Come on, kid.

What?

It's a quotation from Ghandi.

You should look it up.

Damn it!

�

� Farley, we love you. �

� But this has gone on way too long. �

� Stop being stubborn �

� and just admit that you were wrong. �

� Joining the team was a huge mistake. �

� Huge mistake. �

� It's made you miserable �

� and caused you to forsake... �

� Your ideals and your passion. �

� Your inner joy, inner joy. �

� This behaviour is making you �

� an ordinary boy. �

� Ordinary boy. �

� An ordinary boy. �

� Ordinary boy. �

�

� Yeah, just whose ideals were they anyway? �

� What do you mean? �

� I was never asked, I never had a say. �

� Is this a dream? �

� It's in your best interests �

� to exercise our parental rights. �

� And order you to quit hockey �

� to restore... �

� your inner light. �

Stop!

Stop!

� Stop! I won't hear another single word �

� about hockey being boorish and absurd. �

� Ordinary boy. �

� News flash I don't want to be like you �

� Ordinary boy. � � when I grow up �

� Elitism and arrogance just isn't my cup of destiny. �

� Ordinary boy. �

� And now this conversation is officially off-limits . �

� Ordinary boy. �

� I've had enough of this nonsense Damn it! �

�

Let Marco be honest. Your G-string playing --

pure religion.

Marco has written,

how you say, a regalo?

Oh, a gift to you

from the passion.

No... the heart.

To you.

� piano �

� You ask me if I love you �

� and I choke on my reply. �

� I'd rather hurt you honestly �

� than mislead you with a lie. �

�

You didn't write that.

Assurdo! Of course Marco did.

No, you didn't. It's a Dan Hill song.

My parents danced to it at their wedding.

They're divorced.

No.

No, no, no, it is not.

� And sometimes when we touch �

� the honesty's too much. �

� And I have to close my eyes �

� and hide. �

� I want to hold you 'til I die. �

� 'Til we both break down and cry. �

� I want to hold you �

� 'Til fear in me subsides. �

�

Marco!

Any reason you just French-kissed me without

getting your passport stamped first?

Oh, Eve.

You think Marco does not know what is going on?

Every time you caress your cello, please,

you mentally caress Marco.

�

Marco,

the real estate of my heart

has already been sold.

Him?

The ragazzo?

He's more him than you'll ever be.

�

� What is happening to me? �

� Was it only weeks ago that I was carefree? �

� Life was simple. Life was easy. �

� Seeing Eve with Marco made me queasy. �

� I Never imagined that I would have feelings for her. �

�

� That weren't all chaste. �

� That weren't exactly all pure. �

�

� Eve's my soul mate. �

� Isn't it ironic? �

� Eve's my soul mate. �

� I wish that it wasn't platonic. �

�

� You were always the boy in the bubble. �

� Reality gave, gave you trouble. �

� So you've got some feelings for your best friend. �

� Let her know, the world won't end. �

� Please, Eve's like a sister to me. �

� These feelings are creeping, �

� creeping into impropriety. �

� Last time I checked, you're not related. �

� Don't deny it. Don't debate it. �

� Maybe the girl wants to get freaky with you. �

� Who knows? She wants to squeeze your bones. �

� She wants to rub your nose. �

� Boys, thanks for the female insights, �

� but, trust me, �

� Eve doesn't want to turn out the lights. �

� You've got to man up with your woman �

� and hockey fights. �

� I swear that you'll start sleeping better at night. �

� Speaking of sleep, �

� I've got to go to bed. �

�

� Honestly, Farley, �

� try and get your ass out of your head. �

Hey, Farley.

Are you coming to my recital tomorrow?

I can't. I've got stuff to do.

But you've never missed one yet.

You're my good luck charm.

Well, I'm sure you'll be fine,

especially with Marco there by your side.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Come on, Farley.

I know you better than that.

Honestly, nothing.

You two make a great couple.

� Sarcasm really doesn't suit you that well. �

� What's with the attitude? �

� Hey, what the hell? �

� You say you don't have any feelings �

� for that Italian fellow. �

� So why did I catch you playing tonsil hockey �

� instead of the cello? �

� Farley, you're making an awful mistake �

� To him, I did not my heart and saliva forsake. �

� Eve, I was there. �

� I saw what I saw. �

� The passion was real. �

� The passion was raw. �

�

� What does it matter to you anyway? �

� What, oh what, do you want me to say? �

� I won't defend myself or my reputation. �

� If you're calling me a liar �

� let's end this conversation. �

� Fine, if that's how it's going to be �

� I have nothing more to add to your hypocrisy. �

� Farley, I don't understand who you've become. �

� The boy that I once knew �

� is dead and done. �

� The boy that I once knew �

� is dead and done. �

� The boy that I once knew �

� is dead and done. �

�

�

� Back off, buddy! Leave me alone! �

� What are you going to do about it? �

� Write a poem? �

�

� I hate this game. I hate my life. �

�

� If you won't fight, get off this ice. �

Drop him!

Fight! Come on!

Hey! Hit him!

Fight him!

You ready?

� I'm jonesing to unleash these fists of fury. �

� Rope-a-dope display of fighting flurry! �

� Let's go! �

�

Get him!

�

� It's on, let's go. We're going toe-to-toe. �

� It's on, let's go. We're going toe-to-toe. �

� My goodness! �

� Why did I ever doubt that boy? �

� This is a watershed moment

� of happiness and joy. �

� With that punch the sky's the limit. �

� Think I swallowed my bicuspid. �

� Everything's gone seriously awry. �

� Oh oh Honey, �

� I'm so sad I can't even cry. �

�

� Who is this person, �

� this person in such a rage? �

� I've become a stranger �

� to myself on this stage. �

� It's no excuse. �

� I know that for sure. �

� But being one of the boys �

� held a surprising allure. �

� It's clear that I have lost myself in this game. �

�

� This person before me is Farley Gordon �

� only in name. �

�

� These cheers are hollow. �

� They are in vain. �

� Forcing my resolve �

� never to play hockey again. �

� Where are you going? �

� I want to hug you with pride. �

� Back where I belong... �

� Outside. �

�

I'd like to sincerely apologize

to everybody who supported me.

It's now official. Farley Gordon,

that teen sensation we've been telling you about,

well, he has now announced that

he's quitting hockey.

Ugh!

�

Marco.

My soul has heavy weather.

Why? What's wrong?

I ache for my true blossom.

Please don't talk about Eve.

No, is sole Italiana.

But I saw you two kissing.

Where?

At the rehearsal space.

Pfft! No, Marco tried to kiss Eve,

but she spit out my advance like

wine from the box.

Really?

Even now, voicing it aloud,

it seems so...

so incredible.

�

� You ask me if I love you. �

� And I choke on my reply. �

�

�

� What has happened? �

� Why can't I concentrate? �

� Aristotle is Aris-Notle. �

� Socrates is not worth the debate. �

� philosophy used to be �

� jet fuel for my brain �

� Now reading a page �

� is positively Herculean. �

�

� Since I quit, �

� the game obviously holds no allure. �

�

� But for my blues,

� even art doesn't offer a cure. �

�

� How did I ever become so vain? �

� Could modelling underwear be any more lame? �

�

� Eve, oh, Eve. �

� How I miss her so. �

� But I can't find a way past our current embargo. �

�

� I try to remain positive, �

� But I lose hope she'll be gone forever. �

� I wish she'd give me a call �

� or send me a letter. �

�

� My world which once seemed so full �

� of music and light �

� has been reduced to a monochrome �

� black and white. �

�

� He sleeps all day. �

� He's no longer engaged. �

� My diagnosis: �

� Adolescent malaise. �

� Is there a cure? �

� Anything we can do? �

� Well, hopefully, he'll grow out of it �

� in a year or two. �

�

Oh, son.

Farley, we've made a huge parenting mistake.

All we wanted was for you

to find your inner utopia.

And if hockey was that utopia then

we should have opened the gates.

And, instead,

we threw away the keys to the kingdom.

Well, you saw what happened on the ice.

What I did, what I became.

True, the violence was ugly

but where we failed was in helping you

to navigate the nasty,

to sidestep the savagery,

to dance through the dark,

to frolic through the ferocity

and trounce the--

No, no, no.

Yeah.

What we're trying to say, Farley, is we're...

we're so sorry.

�

� I barely remember �

� those weeks that went by. �

� Except for the constant, irresistible cry �

� of the ice urging me to come skate. �

� But I made my decision �

� I sealed my hockey fate. �

� However, my resolve, �

� which once seemed so strong �

� started to waiver �

� as my exile dragged on. �

� I'm the addict tempted by vice. �

� Too weak to resist the lure of the ice. �

�

� Has hockey corrupted my very soul? �

� It was always a game �

� and never a life goal. �

�

� Am I dreaming? I must be asleep. �

� Why is Walter Gretzky on this rink? �

�

� The power of hockey �

� works in mysterious ways. �

�

We're here to see you past

this miserable phase.

�

� We all know hockey's the best sport on the planet. �

� Theo Fleury's singing, �

� What can't he do, damn it? �

� Play your own game. To thine own self be true. �

� Don't let a couple of punches... �

� defeat you. �

� 'Cause hockey's the greatest �

� game in the land. �

� You've got the goods to be your own man. �

� 'Cause hockey's the greatest �

� game in the land. �

� Time to change the plan. �

�

� Could they be onto something? �

� Could they be right? �

� I'm starting to see this whole world �

� in a different light. �

� Maybe just maybe, �

� it's more heroic to play �

� To search my soul, to find a new way. �

�

I should have guessed it was you.

Hey, Eve.

I didn't realize that the window was open.

You know, it's not great for the environment

to waste all that heat, right?

I can't shut my radiator off, David Suzuki.

What do you want?

�

� Eve �

� dear Eve I've come to apologize �

� for being insensitive. �

�

� For putting on a guise. �

�

� There's... �

� There's one thing that I need to confess. �

�

� You're more than a best friend. �

�

� You're a goddess. �

�

� Because we've known each other �

� from infancy, �

� well, you've always seemed like �

� a sister to me. �

� So when I began to see you �

� in a more romantic light �

� All those feelings I tried �

� so valiantly to fight �

� I was afraid of what you'd conclude �

�

� That you'd think my love was, well, rude. �

�

� Oh no, �

� maybe she's a prude. �

� Farley! �

I've had a crush on you for ages. �

�

� How did I miss that feeling? �

� It's so obviously contagious. �

�

� Now I understand just how Marco �

� fits into the mix. �

�

� Let's make one thing clear �

� I only like men who skate with sticks. �

�

� You're the most beautiful girl �

� I've ever seen �

� You're everything I've wanted �

� You're this girl's dream �

� There's just one more thing �

� to add to this refrain �

� I've decided to play hockey again. �

�

� You,�

� It's always been you �

� It's always been you �

� It's always been you �

� It's always been you �

� It's always been you �

�

� You're not upset With my choice? �

� Of course not. Hockey's your muse. �

� Hockey's your voice. �

� Please just promise �

� that to your own self you'll remain true �

�

� Funny, that's what someone else �

� said I should do. �

�

Mum, Dad, wake up!

Oh. Death?

Where's the dog?

Who?

The dog. Where's--

Listen...

I'm going to play hockey again.

Respect, courage, heart!

So I don't care how tired you are,

we play two-way hockey tonight!

When your man skates up to you--

What the hell are you doing here?

Coach, I'm here to rejoin the team.

Last time I checked, you quit because

the rough stuff offended your sensibilities.

So I hate to break it to you there buttercup,

but we still don't do delicate in this league.

I think you're oversimplifying

the argument considerably.

Coach...

�

Can I say something?

�

Really? Right now?

�

� After you quit, �

� we had a team meeting. �

� Behind closed doors, �

� in spite of my pleading �

� When you left the ice �

� on the brink of tears �

� It broke something in us �

� that had been building for years. �

� We took an objective look at our behaviour. �

� Asked some more questions as to who's not in favour. �

� As the way of the fist as a game's divine right �

� And proving your manhood with

� how well you could fight. �

� I swear we channeled the spirit �

� of Oprah in that room. �

� The catharsis was awesome. �

� Especially for this goon. �

�

� But, Farley, our conclusion never changed the fact �

� That if you can't dance, we can't watch your back. �

� Though we all agreed pacifism has a place �

� Just not in hockey �

� 'cause we'll all be disgraced. �

� Actually, I might have another way we can embrace.

�

� My name is Farley Gordon And I don't like to fight �

� My name is Farley Gordon �

� Let's have a clean game tonight �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� He's showing us a new light �

� Though we might not all agree that �

� his philosophy is actually right. �

�

� Get off this ice unless you want to feel my wrath �

� Back off. Let him try to forge a new hockey path �

� It's okay I can handle this misplaced aggression �

� Let's have an on-ice therapy session �

�

� Don't think I won't rip off your head �

� I'd rather hug it out instead �

�

Aw!

� Oh.... Please, I'm begging �

� This is stripping all my bravado �

�

� Let's end this dispute �

� and I'll gladly let you go �

� Argh...! �

� Okay, truce. �

� I won't make you drop the gloves. �

� I sincerely appreciate your outpouring of love. �

�

� Anyone else going care to take a run at me? �

�

� Be forewarned -- �

� I will hug you 'til eternity! �

�

�

� One, two, three, four! �

� Pugilist or pacifist We can all be fans. �

� It's hockey! It's hockey! �

� The greatest game in the land. �

� Moose Jaw to Newfoundland �

� This we understand �

� Because hockey, hockey's �

� the greatest game in the land. �

� Wickenheiser, Cassie Campbell, �

� you can be a woman. �

� It's hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land �

Woo!

Yeah!

Yes! Yeah!

�

� I swear this kid is going down in history. �

� What do I know? No one ever listens to me. �

� At least he's going to make us a boatload of money �

� Hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land. �

� Look at him skate He satisfies all my rages. �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� And his girlfriend is hot-rageous �

� I'm finding this happiness incredibly contagious �

� Hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land. �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land. �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� And he's showing us a new light. �

� He's making me look like a sieve tonight �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� And his skills are out of sight �

� Hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land. �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� And he's got mad moves �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� And nothing left to prove �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� And he wants us to be fans �

� His name is Farley Gordon �

� The greatest game in the world �

� We are proud Canadians. Hockey's in our DNA �

� We are proud Canadians and we're not afraid to say �

� We are proud Canadians and we'll always find a way �

� playing hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land �

� Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey �

� The greatest game in the land �

�

Was your son a late bloomer or...?

Are you from Mars?

Oh, no.

Do you have any advice for a new hockey dad?

Give your son or daughter

every opportunity to play the game

and enjoy the game and get better

at it all the time.

I suppose.

Boy, you see how much the sticks cost now, though?

I just saw one for $200.

My first stick was one from the bush.

I cut a tree branch down

and carved a hockey stick out of it.

That was my first stick.

Oh my gawd.

I lived on a farm. Isn't that something?

That's amazing.

Come on, we'll watch the game.

�

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