Original subtitles

LAINEY: Back in the '90s, an indie comedy called Swingers

exploded onto the scene.

Everyone loved the on-screen bromance

between Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn,

and their catchy lingo inspired many friendships at William Penn,

where we quoted it on the regular.

Vegas, baby.

Vegas, baby.

Vegas! Vegas!

Others were more inspired by the movie's fashion.

Why are you dressed like half the dudes

in my Gampaw's retirement home?

I'm Trent from Swingers...

Single, confident man

on the prowl for beautiful honey babies.

Little baby's all growsed up.

Little baby's all growsed up!

I'm going. (LAUGHS)

But there was one student who definitely was not a follower

of Swingers fashion.

Lately, she was embracing a darker look

that had me a little concerned.

Hey, Claudia.

You didn't want to maybe switch up your look

and go with a Swingers vibe?

No, those clothes look stupid.

Stupid fresh. (SCOFFS)

But the biggest trend Swingers brought to William Penn

was all about dance.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) All right!

As you know, I am required to have one unit of dance a year,

and that has always been square dancing,

which nobody likes.

So I'm replacing it with the far more athletic swing dancing.

Now watch and learn as Ronnie and Weasel demonstrate.

Have at it, boys.

Phew.

Okay, dude.

It's just like we practiced in your mom's basement.

This is our moment to shine.

Let's rock 'n' roll, boys!

(KEVIN REARDON'S RAGHAT BOOGIE PLAYS)

A five, six, seven, eight...

**

* There's a party starting, better gather 'round

Twirlies!

* That magic sound

(LAUGHS) I did not see that one coming!

* It's a raghat boogie tonight *

**

(SOUR NOTES PLAY, MUSIC STOPS)

Oh. That was not money.

* One of these days, you're gonna get outta here

* Live your life and finally be free

* Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say "Those were the days" *

LAINEY: It was February 19th, 1990-something,

and I was wrapping up a class discussion.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Remember to read chapter six, okay?

And papers are due when, Claudia?

If you don't know, how should I?

They're due on Tuesday, so I do know. How 'bout that?

Great. Give yourself a gold star.

LAINEY: Claudia was a student I had been having difficulty

getting through to,

so when she accidentally left her notebook behind that day,

I couldn't help but skim through it

in order to try and gain some insight.

"I was born to a demon mother, fire in my veins.

""She steals my freedom with her voodoo,

always keeps me in chains"?

"She is such a f... " What are you doing?

I'm so sorry.

But I think I get it now.

I'm guessing not everything is cool between you and your mom.

Like you would know.

Well, I just read a poem called "Mother Sucker."

And... And then there's "Devil in a Blue Skort"

and "Mom, You're a Raging..."

Just mind your own business.

I'm a teacher. You are my business.

As I struggled to connect to a lost student,

Wilma was rallying everyone for a "swinging" night out.

All right, we're all going to

Swing Dancing Night at the Greenwood Inn.

Who's game?

Actually, Wilma,

I don't think Julie and I can attend,

'cause we have those already established plans,

right, Julie? JULIE: Yes.

We have plans to go swing dancing with Wilma.

All right, we're in.

I'm down, daddy-o.

And you'll love it, CB.

You won't look so out of place.

Everyone wears stupid ties.

Ha. I think I'm gonna pass, Wilma.

My students are turning in their, uh,

Scarlet Letter essays by end of day Friday,

and I want to get them graded.

Ugh. You never come out with us.

Okay. Gather up, everyone.

It is that time of the year when we have run out of money

and I realize I do not have an adequate support staff.

So, who's up for some volunteering?

We're here for ya, boss. What can we do ya for?

Well, first up, Saturday morning school beautification.

Use any fancy words you want...

It's just picking up trash at 6:00 a.m.

Sold! No better way to start my weekend.

Any other volunteers?

No one?

All right, next up, Model U.N.

We need a few advisors.

Si. Oui. Ja. (CHUCKLES)

Grazie, CB.

And, finally, we need someone to plant some begonias

by the front entrance.

Uh... Rick, how 'bout you?

I don't know what begonias are,

and, besides, we start dodgeball next week,

and 300 rubber balls are not going to inflate themselves.

I gotchoo, PG. I'm on it.

Well, that's all, then, and thank you to CB and CB only.

I get you love your job,

but grading papers on a Friday night,

and now this extra volunteer work?

It's like you practically live at this school.

Oh, God, that'd be absurd.

(CHUCKLES) Plus the insurance wouldn't even allow that...

Not that I've checked.

Oh, come on, CB.

You're a young single guy in his 20s.

You should be going out and having fun.

I got to get 35 mini flags for Model U.N.,

poster board for the bake sale, and I need milk.

That's three "going outs" right there.

Full skedge!

See? I don't even have time

to say the full word "schedule" I'm so busy.

LAINEY: Now, I didn't quite know how to help Claudia,

but I knew who could help me help her.

John, we have a Code 5 emergency.

A raccoon in the cafeteria?

Is it exhibiting signs of rabies? No.

No rabies brings it down to a Code 5-A.

There's no raccoon.

Then that's not a Code 5 at all.

Lainey, my code system is not a toy.

It's about Claudia Caughlin.

She left her notebook in my class

full of super-heavy emotional poetry.

Poetry? Hmm. Have a seat.

I don't know if you know this, but I've been known

to sling a few verses here and there.

I'm actually doing a poetry slam next week.

Wait, seriously? Indeed.

My stage name is Furious G.

Feast your ears on this.

"Fish sticks.

"Sticks of fish I eat.

"Nourishment for my body home.

"Aquarium? A query? Yum.

"Once a swimmer in the tide,

"but now fried to keep me...

"Alive."

What (BLEEP) was that?

I know, right?

Well, Claudia's stuff is less seafood-related

and more terrible-mother-related.

Oh, well, that explains why

she started dressing like Lily Munster.

(CHUCKLES) Such a good show.

I really feel for Claudia.

Of course, because of everything you went through

with your mother when you were here in school.

Yes. I remember when you forced me to talk about it

in our mandatory "Feelings Friday" sessions.

And a little during "What's up Wednesdays."

And now here you are with those unique insights

and Claudia obviously needing counseling.

Exactly. So, can you help her?

Lainey, you're the one who needs to help her.

You relate to her.

You understand what she's going through.

I guess that makes sense.

You're lucky you had a terrible childhood.

I wish I could help her,

but my relationship with my mother is just so solid. Of course it is.

I mean, she's so loving. Got it.

She calls me every other day...

Good for you. ...just to say "I love you."

I am blessed.

Hey, but Furious G, on the other hand,

he is a child of the streets.

**

Oh, hey. You heading home?

Careful. The manure's pretty fresh.

I picked up on that.

But it looks like you're almost finished.

Maybe reconsider coming out with us.

Oh, I'm not almost finished.

I still have to handle Mellor's balls.

Oh.

I have to pump up his dodgeball balls.

But doing that was Mellor's excuse

for why he couldn't do the flowers.

Yeah, Rick said he had a personal emergency,

and it must be serious

'cause he went right to the nurse's office.

The nurse's office, where his girlfriend works?

So, this is why you dumped your work on CB?

This is your emergency?

Yes. Aunt Julie is the light of my life,

and every time I'm not with her, it's an emergency.

He's mostly just playing with my stickers.

Ah, and I did a "grape" job.

So, even though CB already does everything around here,

you saddled him with even more?

Saddled? The guy loves it!

Do you see how excited he gets

every time he volunteers for something?

I think you might be missing the point, Rick.

Thank you, Julie.

Although I don't know what the point is.

I just know that he's missing it.

The point is CB's taking on all this extra work

because he's avoiding having a life outside of school.

Why would he do that?

Wait.

I think I know.

Is this about how CB used to have a crush on Lainey?

Witch!

Um, not wicked witch, the mind-reader witch.

Okay, we all know about that,

except he's not hung up on Lainey anymore,

but he's still stuck in a rut,

spending all his time here at school.

I get that,

for I, too, had nothing to live for beyond these walls

until I met my sweet nurse, Aunt Julie.

Exactly. So, don't you see,

by dumping even more extra schoolwork on CB,

you're helping to prevent him from getting out there

and maybe meeting his Aunt Julie?

Impeding CB's ability to meet his very own Aunt Julie

is the worst offense a man can commit!

Knowing your glory,

I want every man in the world to have you.

Aww.

I know you meant that to sound sweet.

And it did.

LAINEY: Wilma and Coach had agreed to help CB

spread his wings outside the school,

and Coach had the perfect plan.

What's this about?

Okay, I know we agreed to work together to help fix CB,

but, lucky for you, I went rogue.

I am beyond nervous. Don't be.

I was so riddled with guilt

at robbing CB of his opportunity

to find his very own Nurse Aunt Julie

that I have gathered in his classroom...

...a fine collection of eligible single ladies.

Oh, my...

I was told there would be food.

Uh, the... It's coming, uh, fine single lady.

Yeah.

I told them there'd be an elaborate buffet,

but one of these fine ladies is actually a nurse,

three are aunts, and one is named Judy.

Well, it's not Julie, but it's pretty damn close.

So, CB just waltzes in here and picks one?

This is extremely weird and awkward.

Just like CB! It's perfect.

Excuse me.

When does the raffle start?

After the buffet. Oh.

I also told them there was a raffle.

I had to get them all in here.

Buffet, raffle... What are you gonna do?

Um, sorry. What is this?

CB. Yes?

Feast your eyes on this smorgasbord of eligible single ladies.

Why... What are you doing?

I am determined to help you

find the same joy that I have found.

Here he is, ladies! What a catch.

Full head of hair, he owns his own car,

and he's halfway vested to a teacher's pension.

I'll start the bidding at $20.

No, no, it's not an auction.

$25.

Well, what the hell? I'm flexible.

Do I hear $30? Okay, um,

thank you so much, women, for coming out,

but I'm... I'm not looking right now.

Thank you.

$30!

Read the room, Ethel.

CB, wait.

No! Good instincts, keep going.

Um, thank you for whatever this was,

but what was this?

First, to be clear, I was not a part of the insanity

of gathering this hodgepodge of women.

That was all me, baby. (SIGHS)

But it's not even about finding a woman.

We just want you to spend a little less time by yourself

and a little more time getting out there.

You don't think I'm getting out there?

Well, you did just tell all those fine gals

that you're not looking right now.

Yeah, I'm not looking 'cause I already have someone.

You do? Who?

Her name is Annabelle.

She's actually a model s... Uh, catalogue, but still.

We have a date Friday night.

Then why didn't you tell me that

instead of saying you were grading papers on Friday night?

Well, I like to keep my private life private.

You know, I always saw Julie as a potential catalogue model.

How do you get into that line of work?

LAINEY: Wilma wasn't buying CB's story,

and as for Claudia, she wasn't sold

on a teacher like me wanting to help her.

So, I tried playing a different role.

Hey. Don't you, like, hate the sun?

It's just so bright and all in your face.

What are you doing? Why are you dressed like that?

Because I'm sick of wearing that clown costume

they make me wear here every day.

This speaks to the color of my soul.

You're wearing flip-flops with little plastic flowers on them.

Oh. Yes.

Only because my...

Goth shoes are at the cobbler.

So, I was thinking of replacing my bed with a coffin.

I'm not... Look. Let me save you further embarrassment.

I know what you're doing.

You don't know anything about me.

That's the thing... I do.

You have a tough relationship with your mother,

and so did I when I was your age.

No way it was as bad as mine. Oh, yeah?

I'd put my mom issues up against yours any day.

Couple weeks ago, I was five minutes late for curfew,

and she grounded me for a week and took away my Ouija board.

I would've killed to have a curfew!

That would've meant my mom wanted me to come home.

Last Saturday night,

I forgot to tell my mom I was going to a big party,

and she showed up and dragged me out

and embarrassed me in front of all my friends.

One time, when I was 11,

my dad and I had to drag my mom out of a biker bar

because she was "being too rowdy."

Last Christmas, I asked my mom for tickets to see The Cure.

All she got me was a bunch

of stupid sweaters from Fashion Bug.

Christmas. We used to celebrate those.

Until one Christmas Eve, my mom walked out on me and my dad.

No reason, no warning, no letter.

Just gone.

I haven't seen or talked to her since.

Wow.

That sure beats stupid sweaters.

And one was okay, actually.

It had a giraffe on it.

I didn't know any of that about you.

Yeah.

And what really helped was I started writing and performing songs

about what happened.

It was a great outlet for my feelings.

You could perform that poem you wrote about your mother.

I can take you to a place where people get up and do slam poetry.

I think it would really help you deal with things.

Maybe expressing my feelings

is better than keeping them hidden away in a notebook.

Exactly.

Okay. I'll go.

But you're not gonna show up like that, are you?

Oh, God, no. I ran out of foundation,

and my left cheek is mostly Wite-Out.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

**

Why, hello. Oh.

You're not Paul from upstairs returning my cake plate.

And you're not on a date with Annabelle,

but I can see the name on that little ship is Annabelle.

Yes, that is because I named it after her

'cause that's how serious she and I are.

What's Annabelle's last name?

Bottleboat.

I have no date.

I had a feeling.

Why'd you lie?

Look, I love teaching,

and I don't mind saying I'm great at it.

No arguments here.

It's totally my zone.

It's where I feel most comfortable,

I get a ton of positive feedback,

but the things in my life outside of my zone,

well, they're not working out as well.

Like Lainey? No, I'm over the whole Lainey crush,

but it was a reminder that the things outside of teaching

aren't a guaranteed success for me, you know?

So it's like, "Why not go all in on my best thing?"

When I first started teaching, I was all about work.

On a Friday night, there was nothing I liked more

than being at home, dissecting a fetal pig or a frog

or maybe even something I hit with my car on my way home.

Accidentally, I hope? Sure.

Anyway, one night, the power went out in my place,

so I went to a bar down the block,

and turns out people from work were there.

A couple of beers, a few Limoncellos,

and a bus ticket to Atlantic City later,

I now own two-thirds of a goat farm.

Seriously?

And all this time, I've been buying my own goat cheese.

The point is that was 10 years ago,

and those people are still my friends,

all because I went out and connected with other people.

So, come dancing.

And if you don't do it for you, do it for us.

We like having you around. Thanks.

I like being around you guys, too.

But I'm gonna take a rain check,

and, you know, maybe next time.

Okay.

Maybe next time.

Cool.

All right. Let's welcome our next poet to the stage, Furious G.

Whoo!

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

You all know me.

This is a little piece that I wrote.

It's called "Within the Lines."

"Parking spot, my spot to park.

"You see me with the day, start and end.

"I drive away."

All right.

(SIGHS)

Thank you, Furious G. That was about a parking spot.

Next up, we'll bring a new poet to our stage.

Please give a warm welcome to Claudia.

You can do this.

Just get it all out, share your feelings.

Thanks. I know it'll feel good to get this off my chest.

I am proud of you, Lainey,

and how well you've taken my sage advice.

(FEEDBACK) Okay, here we go.

"Oh, brother,

"gross boy on the other end of our Jack and Jill bathroom,

"how I hate you."

Wait. What's that now?

"Dried toothpaste blobs in the sink,

"toilet bowl filled with stink,

"your crusty towel hung akimbo.

"Oh, bro.

"No, no, no."

(APPLAUSE) The (BLEEP) was that?

Oh, my God. I was so nervous, but I did it.

Yeah, congrats.

But what happened to that poem trashing your mom?

Oh, I don't need to read that one anymore.

Why not? It was your chance to let it all out.

Now, everyone, give it up for our next poet, Li'l Street Rat.

He's good. No. Uh, sorry, no.

Go back to your seat. Don't give it up.

Go back to your seat, Li'l Rat Face.

Claudia has another poem.

Right, Claudia? No, I don't.

Yes, you do. It's called "Mother Sucker."

It's about her mom, really lets her have it.

Lainey, it's okay. She doesn't want to...

Not now, Furious G.

I'm not reading it, Ms. Lewis.

Yes, you are. You have to.

You can't just bottle up all these negative feelings about your mother.

It will only mess you up for years to come.

But my mom and I are good now.

No, you're not. You hate her. Not anymore.

After you told me about what a disaster

your relationship was with your mother

and what she did to you,

it made me realize I'm lucky my mom's still here.

So I went home and I talked to her and I shared my feelings.

Anyways, my mom and I are making Rice Krispie treats tonight.

See you Monday. Bye.

She was supposed to go up there and read that poem

that vented all her anger at my mom.

Your mom?

No, her mom, not mine. Lainey, I think...

Don't try to make this a thing about me and my mom.

This is all about Claudia.

Thanks a lot for making me do this, John.

**

LAINEY: Wilma's efforts to get CB to join the fun didn't quite land,

but even alone at home, there were some people he couldn't dodge.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) Hey, CB! It's Rick Mellor,

Coach Rick Mellor from William Penn.

(SWING MUSIC PLAYS) WILMA: Hey, CB.

Anyway, Julie, Wilma, and I are at Swing Dancing Night.

You should come by! JULIE: Not the same without you!

RICK: Uh, by the way, first drink's on...

(BEEP) Hey, CB. Coach Rick again.

Uh, I think I got cut off there,

so I was just calling back to make sure you heard the first drink's on me.

WILMA: Come on out and dance with us!

RICK: Anyway, I really hope you can make... (BEEP)

Rick again. WILMA: We love you, CB!

RICK: I just want you to know I was saying

I really hope you can join us.

Again, this is Rick Mel...

(BEEP) ...lor.

I got cut off at "Mell," so I don't...

JULIE AND WILMA: (CHANTING) CB! I don't want you to think, uh,

it's Rick Mell, some strange guy.

It's actually Mellor. Mellor.

(BEEP)

These baristas.

I clearly told them that my name is Furious G,

and they wrote "Furbiest Gene."

(CHUCKLES) That's not even a real name.

I can't believe I screwed up so bad.

Well, your goal was to help Claudia, and you did just that.

Yeah, by showing her how humiliatingly worse my childhood was

and what a mess I apparently still am?

Come on, Lainey. You're not a mess.

It's just that helping Claudia

brought up some old, unresolved issues.

She left more than 10 years ago.

I thought I was over it.

Well, maybe you should take

the same advice that you gave Claudia.

She didn't take my advice.

I told her to express her feelings to the audience here.

She went and expressed them to her mom.

And it seems like that really worked out for her.

You know, Lainey, sometimes when you help a student,

they can end up helping you.

Thank you, Furious G.

Yo.

LAINEY: Glascott had helped me see all the good I'd done for Claudia,

but as Swing Dancing Night went into full effect,

CB was still nowhere to be found.

So Julie, Coach, and Wilma made the best of it without him.

Julie, I don't know how you did it,

but you are looking both cute and hot.

Oh, well, thanks. I could say the same about you.

Ah!

Hello, ladies... And Rick.

Whoa, that is one heck of a suit.

Thanks. It was my grandfather's.

It's really nice.

He died in it.

(NEW RADICALS' YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE PLAYS)

* Unh

* Cha, cha, cha

* Cha

Oh, look at this!

CB, you came out.

I did. Did you bring Annabelle?

Um, let's just say my relationship with her sank.

But turns out I have some really pushy friends

that I'm very lucky to have.

We're lucky, too.

* One, two, three, ow!

LAINEY: Life is full of challenges,

and they can be scary to face alone,

but that's why it's important to remember

that with friends by your side,

you'll never have to.

'Cause even in the most difficult of times,

if you have the support of those who care about you,

you'll find those tough moments get a whole lot easier.

* ...busy still saying please

So if someone wants to lend a helping hand, take it.

* Frenemies

Because when we connect with each other,

the possibilities are endless.

* We smash a Mercedes-Benz

* First we run, and then we laugh till we cry *

And some challenges are a lot harder to face than others.

But you need to have faith that the harder it is,

the bigger the reward will be.

So when you find yourself nervous or afraid,

know that the best way through it all

is to face it head-on.

'Cause in the end, it just might open up new doors to something even better.

(SIGHS)

Hey, Dad.

I was thinking maybe it's time I talked to Mom.

Do you have her number?

This is a little thing I call "Crazy World."

"In crazy times, I build a bridge

"from my jumbled mind to my mini fridge

"inside of which resides the cure

"to a world so cold and so impure.

"When pain and strife in one do mingle,

"I open the door and get my Kraft Single."

So deep how he uses Kraft Singles

as a metaphor for achieving inner peace.

No, not a metaphor. He's literally talking about cheese.

This is called "Wherever Did You Go?"

"The silver screen is now laid bare,

"a shadow of the glory that was once there.

"You looked so silky, lush, and hip

"perched atop the upper lip

"of a man so full of style and panache.

"Please come back, Burt Reynold's mustache."

That can't be about Burt...

Burt Reynold's mustache. Yes, it absolutely was.