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00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,960
[peaceful music]
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,973
♪ ♪
3
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:09,965
[birds chirping]
4
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:13,813
ALASKA:Miles.
5
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,385
Miles?
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,811
Wake up, Pudge!
7
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Morning.
8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,937
‐ [grunts]
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00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,359
THE COLONEL:
Gotta get a lock on the door.
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,727
Everyone but Alaska
can have a key.
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00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,284
ALASKA: I have the key
to your heart, Colonel.
12
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,567
That's all that matters.
13
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,910
MILES: That was so loud,
it hurt my feelings.
14
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,657
‐ You always sleep
in your clothes?
15
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,369
THE COLONEL:
Pudge has PTSD.
16
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,659
He's afraid he might
get kidnapped
17
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,122
in his tighty‐whities again.
18
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,371
‐ I thought he looked cute.
19
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,923
THE COLONEL:
You're crazier than I thought.
20
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:43,376
‐ That was a terrible way
to wake up.
21
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,547
How can I ensure that
that never happens again?
22
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,706
‐ Nothing you can do.
23
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,724
[The Strokes'"Ask Me Anything"]
24
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:57,387
♪ ♪
25
00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,981
CASABLANCAS:
♪ Right, wrong, what to do ♪
26
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:04,148
♪ Someday it will come ♪
27
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,857
‐ Did I miss an assignment?
28
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,567
‐ Don't worry about it.
29
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,609
CASABLANCAS:
♪ Hostile Indians ♪
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00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,913
♪ We named a summer camp
for you ♪
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♪ ♪
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‐ Don't worry about it.
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00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,211
‐ Didn't say a word.
‐ Fine.
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00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,326
If you must know,
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00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,882
Sara's debutante ball
is coming up,
36
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:27,205
and it's kind of a big deal
at this fancy country club.
37
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,882
I'm writing term papers
to pay for a new suit.
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00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,471
I left my Armani at home.
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00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:34,506
There.
Happy?
40
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,051
‐ I've never tried
grits before.
41
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,024
‐ They should just serve
bufriedos 24/7.
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00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,635
‐ Quickest way to ruin
a good thing.
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00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,021
‐ I object.
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00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,638
If something is so good,
how could you ever get enough?
45
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,234
Probably a better question
for Jake.
46
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:47,189
‐ Apparently Alaska's boyfriend
is a real sexual dynamo.
47
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,360
‐ You know that would be
48
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,188
complete bufried‐ification,
right?
49
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,823
The girls here would balloon
up to, like, 300 pounds.
50
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,321
ALASKA:
So what if they did?
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00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,493
They suddenly wouldn't meet
your sexist adolescent fantasy
52
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,701
of what's an acceptable
female form?
53
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,162
Big is beautiful, Colonel.
54
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,912
‐ Small is appealing as well.
55
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,793
‐ Not when it says shit
like that.
56
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,289
THE COLONEL:
That's my girlfriend.
57
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,714
SARA:
Chip.
58
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,802
Longwell and Kevin
have something
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00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,126
they'd like to say to you.
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00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,761
Don't you, guys?
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00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:15,048
‐ Look, Colonel, you ratted out
Paul and Marya.
62
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,472
We retaliated.
63
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,180
‐ We're even now, so truce?
64
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,271
‐ Take it back.
I'm not the rat.
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00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,386
‐ You wanna say that
to my face,
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00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,192
'cause you're talking
to my sternum.
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00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:26,016
‐ Closer to your heart
when I rip it out.
68
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,271
‐ Oh, my God.
69
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,902
You are both so stupid
and so is this war.
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00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,609
Enough, okay?
71
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:31,939
‐ I'll make you a deal.
72
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,033
You pick one dead
American president.
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00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:37,449
If Pudge here doesn't know
his last words, truce.
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00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,489
If he does, you spend the rest
of your life lamenting the day
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00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,704
y'all pissed in my shoes.
76
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,504
‐ That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
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00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,918
‐ Your best friend is Kevin.
I doubt it.
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00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,126
THE COLONEL:
Those are the terms,
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00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,955
otherwise, nuts to your truce.
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00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,750
‐ If you even can name
a president.
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00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,884
‐ [scoffs]
82
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,470
I summer interned
at the Cater Center
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00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:54,465
sophomore year.
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00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,676
Jimmy and Rosalynn have
actually
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00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,966
been to my house for dinner.
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00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,298
They ever been to
your trailer park, Colonel?
87
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,973
‐ The only Carter I acknowledge
is Shawn.
88
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,772
In or out?
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00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,437
‐ Fine.
Whatever.
90
00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,319
‐ Don't blow this, Pudge.
‐ He won't.
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00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,775
LONGWELL:
All right.
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00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,186
Millard Fillmore.
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00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,994
‐ Shit.
Was that guy even president?
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00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,988
[tense music]
95
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,331
♪ ♪
96
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:26,787
‐ Um...when, um,
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00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:31,090
former president
Millard Fillmore was dying...
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00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:36,718
He was‐‐he was really hungry,
99
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,547
but his doctor was trying
to starve the fever.
100
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,230
Fillmore wouldn't shut up
about food,
101
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,765
so the doctor gave him
a tiny tablespoon of soup.
102
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:54,031
And all sarcastic,
Fillmore said,
103
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:58,275
"The nourishment is palatable,"
104
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,450
and then he died.
105
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,286
No truce.
‐ Ah!
106
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,155
Why would you try and drown
this man?
107
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,042
He's a goddamn genius.
108
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,578
[pounds on table]
Yeah!
109
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,962
‐ [cheers]
110
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:16,468
‐ Pudge, that was your first
truly badass moment.
111
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:20,085
When this war is over,
there may not be any survivors.
112
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,603
Goddamn, this is gonna be good.
113
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,136
‐ [laughs]
114
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,519
CASABLANCAS:
♪ I've got nothing to hide ♪
115
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:29,555
♪ I wish I wasn't so shy ♪
116
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:39,912
[indistinct chatter]
117
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:45,947
‐ [in Romanian accent]
Um, how did you do that,
118
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:49,042
knowing the last words
of dead people?
119
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:53,379
‐ Oh, um...
I guess I just used to have
120
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,666
a lot of free time.
121
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,759
I mean,
Fillmore was pretty easy.
122
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,716
I'm just glad he didn't pick
Franklin Pierce.
123
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,677
No one knows his last words.
124
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:03,847
LARA:
How come?
125
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,255
‐ I guess he died alone.
126
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,563
‐ Oh, that's sad.
127
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,187
[door thuds]
128
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,687
MR. HYDE:
We are all interconnected.
129
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,027
It's the true nature
of all beings.
130
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,528
At least, that's what
the Buddhists believe.
131
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:28,661
You, me,
his Holiness the Dalai Lama...
132
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:33,462
we all exist only in connection
to those around us.
133
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,998
Buddhists see the world
as an intricate web
134
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,302
of relationships to others.
135
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:41,796
They create communities
of practitioners
136
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,930
called sanghas,
who work collectively to attain
137
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:50,179
peace, happiness, and wisdom.
138
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:54,193
[voice muffled]
The only way to realize
139
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,857
true awakening...
140
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,856
[tranquil music]
141
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♪ ♪
142
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,236
Mr. Halter.
143
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:10,581
The hope is that this class
will be your sangha,
144
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,159
bringing you enlightenment,
145
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,964
though apparently not today.
146
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,999
And here I am straining
my one remaining lung
147
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,423
for your edification,
148
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,921
and you've found
something outside
149
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,802
that captures your fancy
even more.
150
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,260
What have you discovered
out there?
151
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,603
‐ [stammering]
152
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,138
I was, um...
153
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:36,902
looking at the‐‐the trees
and‐‐and the‐‐the forest,
154
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,317
and I was just thinking
about how it's all connected.
155
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,895
You said‐‐sorry, I'm...
156
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,664
‐ I'm going to ask you
to leave the class, Mr. Halter,
157
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,196
so you can go out there
and discover
158
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,449
the relationship between
159
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:54,161
the "um, trees"
and the "uh, forest."
160
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,754
‐ Wait, uh...
you're kicking me out?
161
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,172
‐ Good‐bye.
162
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,837
‐ This has never
happened before.
163
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,224
‐ Pudge, those better not
be tears I see.
164
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,021
‐ Shit is looking moist.
165
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,556
‐ I'm sorry,
but that's bullshit.
166
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,900
You can't just throw him
out of class.
167
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,145
You drone on and on
every day,
168
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,726
and we can't even glance out
the window?
169
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:22,691
‐ Now you both may leave.
170
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,402
Now, to continue,
171
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,162
the only way to realize
true awakening
172
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,905
is by living in a way
that emphasizes
173
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:33,288
our connections
and relationships to others.
174
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,286
[solemn music]
175
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,999
♪ ♪
176
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:44,461
‐ Oldest trick in the book,
but everybody falls for it.
177
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,844
Aww.
178
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,131
Let me guess.
179
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,934
Before today,
all your teachers were
180
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,388
card‐carrying members
of the Miles Halter fan club.
181
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,979
‐ Well, I never made cards,
but yeah.
182
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,100
‐ I need a smoke.
183
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,574
MILES: And then,
so his last words were:
184
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:07,196
"I go to seek a Great Perhaps."
185
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,605
‐ He was a French poet?
186
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,284
Any good?
187
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:14,122
‐ I never read him,
just his biography‐‐
188
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:17,709
well, the end of it.
189
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:20,536
‐ "Great Perhaps."
190
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,792
I like it.
191
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:28,224
It's just ambiguous enough,
unquantifiable.
192
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:32,296
Kind of magical,
hell of a metaphor.
193
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,433
It's also a pretentious way
of saying you wanna get laid,
194
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,312
but I don't need a dead
French poet to tell me that.
195
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,357
You know what your problem is?
‐ Hmm?
196
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,356
‐ You claim you want
this Great Perhaps,
197
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,688
but you're still afraid
to upset
198
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,783
your teachers and parents.
199
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:53,319
‐ Some might say
that's a good quality.
200
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:57,004
‐ Life's about disappointing
those in charge of us.
201
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,325
I learned that a long time ago.
202
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,869
[footsteps creaking]
203
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,673
Well, look who decided
to show up.
204
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,036
Thanks so much for the support
back there.
205
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,883
‐ You're never gonna win
by crossing Hyde.
206
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,378
He'll eat you alive
and piss you out slowly
207
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,630
through a catheter.
208
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,801
‐ I have no quarrel
with the old bastard.
209
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,180
He never accused me
of being a rat,
210
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:15,057
but those that have must pay.
211
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,055
We need a preemptive strike.
First, fast, hard.
212
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,638
Pudge, if you wanna walk away,
now's the time.
213
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,643
‐ What?
214
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,108
Why would I do that?
215
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,396
‐ You're still an innocent.
216
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,729
‐ Shit's about to get real.
217
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,244
‐ Hell of a lot realer
than getting kicked out
218
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,605
of some dumbass class.
219
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,612
‐ They don't think
you're ready.
220
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,823
I was afraid of that.
221
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,122
THE COLONEL:
We're trying to protect you.
222
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,575
TAKUMI: If you get caught,
you're on your own.
223
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,985
‐ Look, we do this
because we hate
224
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,414
what the Weekday Warriors
stand for.
225
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,083
We'll risk everything
to beat 'em.
226
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,292
‐ What are you willing to risk?
227
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,251
[tense music]
228
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,002
♪ ♪
229
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,964
‐ Seriously?
230
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,264
♪ ♪
231
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,849
What about my life?
232
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,215
You remember how I was thrown
in the lake,
233
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,353
or did you forget about that?
234
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,600
And did you know
that the Weekday Warriors tried
235
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,692
to recruit me
in fucking Mandarin?
236
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,778
That's right, I could be
living the Weekday Warrior life
237
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:14,605
right now, but I said no.
238
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:19,584
Because I'm a part of this
sangha, whatever it's called.
239
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:23,407
I'm with you all until the end.
240
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,211
‐ Sounds good to me.
241
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,170
‐ Pretty damn convincing.
242
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,590
‐ You're in, Pudge.
243
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:35,719
‐ Was that a test?
‐ Everything's a test here.
244
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,848
‐ And you passed.
245
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,056
Your dead French poet
would be proud.
246
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,846
Free for a study date
after school?
247
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,560
I'll drive.
248
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,980
[50 Cent's "P. I. M. P."]
249
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,308
50 CENT: ♪ I don't know
what you heard about me ♪
250
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,403
♪ But a bitch can't get
a dollar out of me ♪
251
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,030
♪ No Cadillac, no perms,
you can't see ♪
252
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,567
♪ That I'm a motherfucking
P‐I‐M‐P ♪
253
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,532
♪ I don't know
what you heard about me ♪
254
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,953
♪ But a bitch can't get
a dollar out of me ♪
255
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,912
♪ No Cadillac, no perms,
you can't see ♪
256
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,293
♪ That I'm a motherfucking
P‐I‐M‐P ♪
257
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,671
♪ I don't know what ♪
258
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,957
‐ What the hell is that smell?
259
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,168
‐ Uh, it's my dad's cologne.
260
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,052
He said to use it
for special occasions.
261
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,178
Do you think it's too much?
262
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,885
SARA:
It's me, Chip.
263
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,545
I hope I'm not interrupting
you two
264
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,433
jerking each other off.
265
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:24,100
‐ Hey, Sara.
Nice to see you again.
266
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,810
‐ We need to talk.
267
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:27,901
Alone.
268
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,901
Ugh.
What the hell is that smell?
269
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,740
‐ Pudge has a special occasion.
270
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,195
‐ Ah, which I should be off to.
271
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,815
Gonna try to air out
on the way.
272
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,821
Uh, bye.
273
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,616
‐ Are you writing term papers
for money?
274
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,960
‐ How could you accuse me
of such a thing?
275
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,577
‐ Chip, do you know how much
trouble you could get into?
276
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:52,495
‐ It's fine.
277
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,053
I've been trading all of
my superior intellect for cash,
278
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,628
but only to assist
the dumbest among us.
279
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,094
‐ You wanna be the next one
to get expelled?
280
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,564
‐ [sighs]
281
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,345
Your debutante ball
is coming up,
282
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,729
and I gotta look sharp
283
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,805
when I'm walking across
that stage as your escort.
284
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,480
‐ As what?
285
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,109
‐ The debutante's date
is called an escort.
286
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,276
Did a little research.
287
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:18,315
‐ Oh, Chip... no.
288
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:22,331
No, shit, uh... listen.
289
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,655
You're not gonna be my escort.
290
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:25,751
‐ [scoffs]
291
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,325
What do you mean?
I'm your boyfriend.
292
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:31,210
SARA: Yeah, but that's
now how it works, Chip.
293
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,669
In order to be an escort,
294
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,339
your family needs to be
a member of the country club.
295
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,929
Longwell's my escort.
296
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,763
It's all been arranged, and...
297
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,063
‐ What?
298
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,476
‐ Y‐y‐you know
he and I grew up together.
299
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:48,635
‐ Why did you even invite me?
300
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,693
‐ Because, Chip,
it's important to me.
301
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,307
You're important to me.
302
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,733
And I'm sorry,
but these things,
303
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,111
they have rules
and regulations.
304
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,648
‐ I get it.
305
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,531
I've been getting it
my whole life.
306
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,993
‐ So that's it?
307
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,280
That's it?
You're just not gonna go?
308
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,873
‐ Is that what you want?
SARA: No, asshole.
309
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,157
It's not what I want.
310
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,950
If it was, I just would have
never invited you.
311
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,955
‐ Of course I'm coming.
312
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,959
It's a big deal for you.
313
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,382
I wouldn't miss it.
314
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,513
‐ Thank you for understanding.
315
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:29,596
‐ Plus, there are
certain privileges I have
316
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,150
that Longwell never will.
317
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,147
SARA:
Seriously?
318
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,479
We have one nice moment,
319
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,363
and you're using it to try
and get some action?
320
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,450
Oof.
321
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,698
[door opens]
322
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,701
[indistinct chatter]
323
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,615
[rock music playing on radio]
324
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:55,343
SINGER:
♪ Go, go, go ♪
325
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,835
♪ ♪
326
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,796
‐ Hey, Pudge.
Jump in.
327
00:13:58,796 --> 00:13:59,956
There's no seat belt
for you there,
328
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:00,974
'cause Lara's there.
329
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,215
Lara, Miles.
Miles, Lara.
330
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:03,256
You two remember each other,
right?
331
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,469
LARA:
Hi.
332
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,719
ALASKA:
Do you mind sitting on his lap?
333
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,010
He can be your seat belt.
LARA: If he doesn't mind.
334
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,473
ALASKA: He doesn't.
‐ Uh, I don't.
335
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:09,973
LARA:
Okay.
336
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,194
ALASKA:
Oh, kids, meet Blue Citrus.
337
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,935
So named 'cause she's a lemon.
338
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,556
Jesus and Takumi
are my copilots.
339
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,983
TAKUMI:
It's an honor, ma'am.
340
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,231
‐ Ow!
Oh, shit.
341
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,692
Sorry, keys just digging
into my leg.
342
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,243
Here we go.
‐ Okay.
343
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,316
‐ [grunts]
344
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,822
LARA:
Are you from Florida?
345
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:26,873
‐ Yeah.
346
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,786
‐ Oh.
Oh.
347
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,445
‐ You're from‐‐
um, you're from Russia.
348
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,293
‐ Uh, Romania.
349
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,248
MILES:
Right, of course.
350
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,708
[rock music continueson radio]
351
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,958
SINGER:
♪ What game is it ♪
352
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,090
‐ Ah!
353
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,627
ALASKA: So, Pudge,
you know that girl
354
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,972
from the pre‐calc study session
last night, Lara?
355
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,097
Soft voice, says "thees,"
not "this"?
356
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,555
‐ Yeah, she sat on my lap
in the car.
357
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:53,475
‐ Yes, my idea, which paid off,
because she liked you.
358
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,307
You thought
she was discussing pre‐calc,
359
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,612
when she was clearly talking
about having hot sex with you.
360
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,146
‐ Oh, might be
an overstatement.
361
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,609
THE COLONEL: Y'all talking
about that Lara girl?
362
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,780
She's got great breasts.
363
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,988
Colonel, do not objectify
women's bodies.
364
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:06,988
THE COLONEL:
Sorry.
365
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,159
Perky breasts.
366
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,947
‐ Not any better.
THE COLONEL: Sure it is.
367
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:13,451
Great is a judgment.
Perky is merely an observation.
368
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,914
ALASKA:
Well, here's another one.
369
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,504
You only view the world
through your limited male gaze.
370
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,130
There's so much
you're missing, Colonel.
371
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:23,257
‐ But he does look damn good
in that suit.
372
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,803
[Alaska sighs]
373
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,812
[sentimental music]
374
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,135
♪ ♪
375
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,560
‐ Not too late to return it.
376
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,938
The tags are still on,
money back guaranteed.
377
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,345
‐ And why would I do that?
378
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,113
‐ So many reasons.
379
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,185
You could use that cash
380
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,939
for a down payment
on a computer
381
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:42,941
so you don't have to use
the shitty one
382
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,032
the school loans out.
383
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,486
Or you can give it to me,
384
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,906
so I can finally fix
the air conditioning in my car,
385
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,315
which you will also enjoy.
386
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,243
‐ You know what else I enjoy?
387
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,332
Compliments about my style.
388
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,787
Pudge, I didn't get one
from you.
389
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,671
‐ You look really nice.
390
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,844
‐ Made my choice, Alaska.
391
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,296
‐ The wrong choice.
392
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,256
This debutante shit,
it's‐‐it's paternalistic.
393
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,546
It's misogynistic.
394
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,299
It's literally the epitome
of white privilege‐‐
395
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,091
‐ Says the attractive
white woman.
396
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,434
‐ I'm white trash.
They hate me too.
397
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,469
Those rich white idiots,
they're not gonna accept you
398
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,643
no matter what you wear‐‐
399
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,980
‐ Jesus.
Do you have to ruin everything?
400
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,396
I'm going for Sara.
That's it.
401
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,016
End of discussion.
402
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026
‐ He may be little,
but he is fierce.
403
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,701
‐ Hey, Pudge,
if you got anything black,
404
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:32,779
wear it tonight.
405
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,833
‐ Why?
406
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,367
‐ Because it's slimming,
and stealthy.
407
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,172
[Gorillaz' "Feel Good Inc."]
408
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,076
Tonight, we strike back.
409
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,794
SINGER:
♪ Ha‐ha‐ha‐ha‐ha! ♪
410
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,174
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
411
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,051
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
412
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,418
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
413
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,724
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
414
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,138
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
415
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,136
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
416
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,518
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
417
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,425
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
418
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,023
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
419
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,808
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
420
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:01,851
THE COLONEL:
Come on, Pudge.
421
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,234
Let's lift, man.
Let's go, come on.
422
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,441
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
423
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,820
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
424
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,986
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
425
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,525
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
426
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,449
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
427
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,487
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
428
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,660
2‐D:
♪ City's breaking down ♪
429
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,618
♪ On a camel's back ♪
430
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,748
♪ They'll just have to go,
'cause they don't know wack ♪
431
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,616
♪ So all you fill the streets ♪
432
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:21,873
♪ It's appealing to see ♪
433
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,134
LONGWELL:
Damn those guys!
434
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,415
["Feel Good Inc."continues in headphones]
435
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,798
2‐D: ♪ 'Cause you're damned
and free ♪
436
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,375
♪ You got a new horizon,
it's ephemeral style ♪
437
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,721
[Longwell snaps fingers]
438
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,795
♪ A melancholy town
where we never smile ♪
439
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:36,102
♪ And all I wanna hear
is the message beep ♪
440
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,847
♪ My dreams,
they come a‐kissing ♪
441
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,888
♪ 'Cause I don't
get sleep, no ♪
442
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,022
MAN: Looks like they got him.
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
443
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,773
2‐D: ♪ Windmill, windmill
for the land ♪
444
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:50,444
♪ Turn forever hand in hand ♪
445
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,744
♪ Windmill, windmill
for the land ♪
446
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,529
♪ Is everybody in ♪
447
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,544
[indistinct chatter]
448
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,747
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Laughing gas these hazmats ♪
449
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:02,867
♪ Fast cats ♪
450
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,333
♪ Lining 'em up
like ass cracks ♪
451
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,843
♪ Lay these ponies
at the track ♪
452
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,665
♪ It's my chocolate attack ♪
453
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,630
♪ Shit, I'm stepping in hotter
this year ♪
454
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,220
♪ Care Bear repping,
it harder this year ♪
455
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,875
♪ Watch me as I gravitate ♪
456
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,593
♪ Ha‐ha‐ha‐ha‐ha ♪
457
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,604
♪ Yo, we gon' ghost town ♪
458
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,845
ALASKA:
Let's go.
459
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,176
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ You in the blink ♪
460
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,640
♪ Gon' bite the dust,
can't fight with us ♪
461
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,180
‐ Hoo‐hoo!
Hot damn.
462
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,023
I didn't think you guys
could look any more handsome.
463
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,360
‐ Asshole.
My escort has blue hair now.
464
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,565
THE COLONEL:
You're welcome, Holly.
465
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,895
I'm sure the photos
are gonna look fantastic.
466
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,780
LONGWELL:
Yeah, man, you really got us.
467
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,358
‐ No crying
in your protein shakes.
468
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,914
‐ You win, Colonel.
We submit.
469
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,208
‐ Oh, hey,
I can't find my keys.
470
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,416
You haven't seen 'em anywhere?
471
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,336
THE EAGLE:
Ah, Mr. Martin, Mr. Halter.
472
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,705
I'm not sure if you are aware,
473
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,631
but there has been an outbreak
of pranks on campus.
474
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,050
I hope you two are staying out
of trouble.
475
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,298
‐ Oh, absolutely, sir.
476
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,759
I really hope you apprehend
those hooligans.
477
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,811
‐ Okay.
478
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,215
See something, say something.
MILES: We will.
479
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,894
2‐D:
♪ Sha, sha‐ba‐sha, ka, sha‐ba ♪
480
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,233
TRUGOY THE DOVE:
♪ Feel good ♪
481
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:08,227
SINGER:
♪ Ha‐ha‐ha‐ha‐ha ♪
482
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,074
ALASKA:
We have to show no mercy.
483
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,664
A prank that ends the war,
that destroys their lives.
484
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,829
TAKUMI:
Or at least their tuxedos.
485
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:22,997
‐ No.
486
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,075
ALASKA: Colonel,
just as a point of pride‐‐
487
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,580
‐ I said no.
488
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,211
Sara's deb ball is off limits.
489
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,289
It's too important to her.
490
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,054
MILES: You just worked so hard
for that suit.
491
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,916
‐ It doesn't matter.
492
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,093
I have a few dollars left.
493
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,391
If I write two papers
overnight...
494
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,597
‐ I have a little l‐left
in my commissary account
495
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:42,807
I can easily get out.
496
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,387
TAKUMI:
Look, I can front you the cash.
497
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:45,732
Just one phone call
to my parents‐‐
498
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,436
‐ I don't want anything
from anybody.
499
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:52,687
‐ Good, because I sadly have
no cash to contribute.
500
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,822
Though I can offer
my impeccable fashion sense.
501
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,109
‐ Meaning?
502
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,862
ALASKA: You can't afford
Men's Wearhouse anymore,
503
00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,833
but you can afford
the Pelham thrift shop.
504
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:03,035
Of which I am a loyal customer.
I can help you get something.
505
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,995
‐ You don't even want me to go.
506
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,285
ALASKA: But I love
a good thrift shop excursion.
507
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,549
Colonel, it's gonna be okay.
508
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,335
It's all gonna work out.
509
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,973
TAKUMI: Longwell and Kevin
are the worst.
510
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,522
I wish they'd just choke
on their stupid protein shakes.
511
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:31,191
‐ Takumi,
you are a goddamn genius.
512
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:34,978
‐ No argument here, but why?
513
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,824
[moody pop music]
514
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:42,660
SINGER:
♪ All day, all night ♪
515
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,828
♪ I love to be in charge ♪
516
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:49,958
‐ Oof, sure hope your plumbing
starts working again.
517
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,587
‐ Yeah.
518
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:57,465
SINGER:
♪ You'll be my fall guy ♪
519
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,465
♪ Your love ♪
520
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,139
♪ Your love ♪
521
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:07,477
♪ You're standing in the cold ♪
522
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,055
♪ And your love ♪
523
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,480
♪ Your love ♪
524
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,400
♪ You will not speak of ♪
525
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,860
[clanging]
526
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:21,240
♪ ♪
527
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,908
[clatters]
528
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,067
‐ Shit.
Ah, shit.
529
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:25,624
I'm sorry.
530
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,828
♪ ♪
531
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:30,078
SINGER:
♪ Scarecrow ♪
532
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,540
♪ The bed ♪
533
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:36,961
♪ Until we had a nightmare ♪
534
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,590
[blender whirs]
535
00:21:40,591 --> 00:21:42,011
ALL:
Cheers.
536
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:45,009
‐ To a good night.
LONGWELL: And protein.
537
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,642
‐ Oh, I'm starving.
538
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:53,269
♪ ♪
539
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:54,860
[seat belt clicks]
540
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,944
‐ Last chance to come
to your senses.
541
00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:00,533
‐ We've been through this.
542
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:01,818
‐ I know.
543
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,951
I'm just trying to stop you
from getting hurt.
544
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:05,618
‐ It's about Sara.
545
00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:06,906
You don't give her
enough credit
546
00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:08,789
for going against her tribe
to date me.
547
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,446
‐ First of all,
she's lucky as hell
548
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,334
you're willing to date her.
549
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,421
And honestly, Chip,
she kinda hates you.
550
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,666
‐ [scoffs]
551
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,878
She does.
552
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:21,218
But she also kinda loves me.
553
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:22,755
And I'm gonna show her
I'm just as good
554
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:25,088
as any Weekday Warrior.
555
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:26,764
Can't you understand that?
556
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:30,144
‐ I can't.
557
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,153
But I do love you all the same,
558
00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,815
and you do look damn fine
in that suit, my friend.
559
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:39,395
[both laugh]
560
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,400
[bright music]
561
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:46,073
♪ ♪
562
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:48,953
‐ Thank you for everything.
563
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,616
See you back at school.
564
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,121
[inhales]
565
00:22:54,123 --> 00:23:01,093
♪ ♪
566
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:09,510
[indistinct chatter]
567
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:13,523
♪ ♪
568
00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:15,517
[bird calling]
569
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:22,529
♪ ♪
570
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:30,074
571
00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,122
ALASKA:
Aww.
572
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,250
Don't you two look cozy
in there.
573
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,038
All right,
who's up for some fun?
574
00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:46,797
[gentle harp music plays]
575
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:53,470
♪ ♪
576
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:56,484
[indistinct chatter]
577
00:23:57,478 --> 00:23:59,688
PRESTON:
Chip.
578
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,898
You made it.
579
00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:02,568
‐ Sara will be so pleased
you're here.
580
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,856
‐ Absolutely,
and let me just say
581
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:07,950
this place is truly majestic.
582
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,867
The bartender told me that
the ice cubes in the iced tea
583
00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:14,406
are also made of iced tea.
584
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:17,921
Makes for
a very concentrated brew.
585
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,205
‐ Well, we appreciate you
being here.
586
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:22,498
‐ Well, if you need me,
I'll be at table 12.
587
00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:25,133
[chuckles]
588
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,970
‐ See, Preston,
it was a good idea.
589
00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,797
Everything's gonna be
just fine.
590
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:34,682
‐ [in southern accent]
Hi, ladies.
591
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:35,682
Tell me I'm not late.
592
00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:37,273
Father would never forgive me,
593
00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:39,647
and after all, you know, todayis more about our daddies
594
00:24:39,645 --> 00:24:40,685
than us girls.
595
00:24:40,688 --> 00:24:41,898
Toodles.
596
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,567
‐ Hey, Holly,
have you seen my lip gloss?
597
00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:49,529
You okay?
598
00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:51,870
‐ I don't think so.
599
00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:54,865
[The Hives' "Walk Idiot Walk"]
600
00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:57,038
♪ ♪
601
00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:58,907
ALMQVIST:
♪ Ow ♪
602
00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:00,794
♪ ♪
603
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:03,171
[Miles grunts]
604
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,548
[Takumi grunts]
605
00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:07,336
‐ I'm like a motherfucking cat.
606
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,089
ALMQVIST:
♪ Well, is it true ♪
607
00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:10,721
HOLLY: I'm really
not feeling well, okay?
608
00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:13,718
KATHLEEN: But Holly, dear,
you may miss being presented.
609
00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:15,011
‐ I heard you, Mother,
but I do not have a choice
610
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:16,104
at the moment.
611
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:17,218
And I don't need an escort
for this.
612
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:18,564
Go.
613
00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:19,769
KATHLEEN: I told you not to eat
anything today.
614
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:21,148
That dress isn't built
for bloat.
615
00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:22,685
HOLLY: I didn't, just one
of Kevin's protein shakes.
616
00:25:22,688 --> 00:25:24,688
Now get out.
It's an emergency.
617
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:28,150
ALMQVIST:
♪ See the idiot talk ♪
618
00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:30,202
♪ See the idiot
chalk up his name ♪
619
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:31,445
‐ That was close.
620
00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:33,117
‐ Which means that stuff
is fast‐acting.
621
00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:34,575
‐ So are we.
622
00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:36,825
♪ ♪
623
00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:40,157
[applause]
624
00:25:40,164 --> 00:25:41,504
JOYCE:
Beautiful.
625
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:42,618
THE COLONEL:
As many as these fancy dinners
626
00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:44,884
as I attend, I always forget.
627
00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:49,167
Is the bread plate
to my left or yours?
628
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:51,303
‐ Why are you sitting
at the kids' table?
629
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,640
You're not a kid.
630
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,965
‐ And you, sir, are very rude.
631
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:59,891
And for that, I will be
eating my roll and yours.
632
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:02,312
‐ That was mine.
633
00:26:02,311 --> 00:26:03,901
STAGEHAND: [whispering]
They just called Justin.
634
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:04,896
You're up next.
635
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,477
LONGWELL:
I am not feeling well.
636
00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:07,902
KEVIN:
You're not the only one.
637
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:08,940
[stomach growls]
638
00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:10,612
‐ Dude, come on.
639
00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:12,491
‐ Actually, that was me.
640
00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:13,698
[Longwell grunts]
641
00:26:15,824 --> 00:26:18,164
I ain't going out there.
642
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,660
My grandma's here.
643
00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:20,661
[grunts]
644
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:21,752
[Kevin grunts]
645
00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:23,077
LONGWELL:
Oh, no, no, no.
646
00:26:23,082 --> 00:26:25,212
It's happening.
Oh, no!
647
00:26:25,209 --> 00:26:28,169
ALMQVIST:
♪ See the robot walk ♪
648
00:26:28,170 --> 00:26:31,050
♪ See the robot talk ♪
649
00:26:31,048 --> 00:26:33,338
♪ Still you never learned
nothing ♪
650
00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:34,432
♪ And nothing isn't over ♪
651
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,926
LONGWELL:
What?
652
00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:37,048
Oh, shit!
No!
653
00:26:37,054 --> 00:26:39,314
KEVIN: Plastic wrap!
No!
654
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:40,426
‐ So, we lost our exit.
655
00:26:40,432 --> 00:26:41,522
Holly's still in there,
656
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:42,557
and it's not
a pretty situation.
657
00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:43,639
MILES: Shit.
658
00:26:43,644 --> 00:26:44,654
We have to find
another way out.
659
00:26:44,645 --> 00:26:45,845
ALASKA:
This way.
660
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:49,614
JOYCE: Lindsay Bryan,
who is escorted by
661
00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:51,648
Hanna Sullivan.
662
00:26:51,652 --> 00:26:54,912
[applause]
663
00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:56,115
ALASKA:
There's no backtracking now.
664
00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,655
All our exits
have been compromised.
665
00:26:57,658 --> 00:27:00,198
JOYCE:
Peggy Donovan...
666
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,332
ALASKA:
The only way out is through
667
00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:02,538
the belly of the beast.
668
00:27:02,538 --> 00:27:04,208
‐ So we're stuck here.
669
00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:06,876
JOYCE: Presenting
Sara Bankhead Harbert.
670
00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:09,915
[applause]
671
00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:15,092
‐ Whoo!
672
00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:17,762
JOYCE: To be escorted
by Longwell Chase.
673
00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:20,761
[applause dies]
674
00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:24,226
[chuckles]
675
00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:26,186
Doesn't she look lovely?
676
00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:29,646
We just need her escort,
Longwell Chase.
677
00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:34,782
‐ Where are the boys?
JOYCE: This is unusual.
678
00:27:34,778 --> 00:27:36,108
STAGEHAND: Mm‐mm.
JANET: Find them.
679
00:27:36,113 --> 00:27:37,913
LONGWELL: Oh, my God,
it's in my shoes!
680
00:27:37,906 --> 00:27:39,366
KEVIN:
Colonel's fucking dead!
681
00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:41,866
‐ We need an escort
for the escort.
682
00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:43,329
[chuckles]
683
00:27:43,328 --> 00:27:44,788
[Janet whispering]
684
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:48,458
‐ Well, apparently,
Longwell is no longer able
685
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:50,788
to fulfill his duties today.
686
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:54,344
Perhaps we have a volunteer
who would like to step in.
687
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:56,129
Hmm?
688
00:27:58,218 --> 00:28:01,218
[serene music]
689
00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:08,231
♪ ♪
690
00:28:18,238 --> 00:28:20,698
‐ Thank you, son,
but I got it from here.
691
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,869
‐ Sir, with all due respect,
692
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:25,288
doesn't it make the most sense
for her boyfriend
693
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:26,827
to be her escort?
694
00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:28,870
‐ Chip, you wanted to be here,
we bought you a seat.
695
00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:30,214
You should take it.
696
00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:32,629
‐ I wanted to be here
because I'm her boyfriend,
697
00:28:32,628 --> 00:28:34,248
and that makes me
more qualified
698
00:28:34,254 --> 00:28:36,304
than that human hemorrhoid
Longwell Chase.
699
00:28:37,674 --> 00:28:39,554
No offense, Dr. Chase.
700
00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:40,971
‐ You're trying my patience,
701
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:42,679
so I'm just gonna go ahead
and say it.
702
00:28:42,679 --> 00:28:45,099
There's no world in which
you escort my daughter
703
00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:46,678
across that stage tonight.
704
00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:49,233
Now, sit down.
It's a family matter.
705
00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:53,693
[bright harp music plays]
706
00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:58,240
♪ ♪
707
00:28:58,237 --> 00:29:01,567
JOYCE: What a lovely
father‐daughter moment.
708
00:29:01,573 --> 00:29:04,493
[applause]
709
00:29:06,203 --> 00:29:09,623
And that concludes
our escort presentation.
710
00:29:09,623 --> 00:29:12,673
The debutantes will now join
their escorts on the floor
711
00:29:12,668 --> 00:29:14,288
for a waltz.
712
00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:17,304
[classical music]
713
00:29:17,297 --> 00:29:21,967
♪ ♪
714
00:29:21,969 --> 00:29:23,299
SECURITY GUARD:
Teams are on it.
715
00:29:23,303 --> 00:29:24,393
JOYCE: The country club
716
00:29:24,388 --> 00:29:25,928
has been infiltrated
by pranksters.
717
00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:27,271
You‐‐you get your guys!
718
00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:29,636
You get your guys.
719
00:29:29,643 --> 00:29:31,853
‐ Shit.
We gotta go.
720
00:29:31,853 --> 00:29:35,403
♪ ♪
721
00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:36,819
‐ I just walked
the south entrance.
722
00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:38,317
I didn't see anything.
723
00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:40,358
[indistinct radio chatter]
724
00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:45,582
♪ ♪
725
00:29:45,575 --> 00:29:46,985
‐ [mouths]
Help us.
726
00:29:46,994 --> 00:29:53,964
♪ ♪
727
00:30:07,389 --> 00:30:08,389
‐ [moans]
728
00:30:10,559 --> 00:30:12,389
[alarm bell ringing]
729
00:30:12,394 --> 00:30:13,774
‐ Oh, my God.
730
00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:15,480
[all screaming]
731
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:16,650
[Takumi laughs]
732
00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:36,585
[tender music]
733
00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:43,585
♪ ♪
734
00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:48,217
[Sara grunts]
735
00:30:48,221 --> 00:30:50,771
‐ Should have known.
736
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:55,766
You ruined cotillion, asshole.
737
00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:58,151
‐ One could argue
that it's always been rotten.
738
00:30:58,148 --> 00:31:01,568
‐ Hmm.
You sound like Alaska.
739
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:03,778
‐ I've been called worse.
740
00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:05,319
‐ Yeah.
741
00:31:05,322 --> 00:31:08,372
It was pretty funny,
742
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:10,157
but you're still an asshole.
743
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:16,329
‐ Thanks, dick.
744
00:31:16,333 --> 00:31:19,173
‐ [laughs]
745
00:31:19,169 --> 00:31:26,179
♪ ♪
746
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:41,939
[engine revving]
747
00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:47,572
ALASKA: A toast
to one of the great pranks
748
00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:49,532
in Culver Creek history.
749
00:31:49,533 --> 00:31:50,833
‐ Hopefully,
those Weekday Warriors learned
750
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:54,116
a valuable lesson today:
look before you squat.
751
00:31:54,121 --> 00:31:55,331
‐ I don't think I'll be able
to get their screams
752
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:56,330
out of my ears.
753
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:57,371
TAKUMI:
To success.
754
00:31:57,374 --> 00:31:59,004
ALASKA:
Indeed.
755
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,290
[door slams loudly]
756
00:32:12,055 --> 00:32:13,885
‐ I believe I was pretty
goddamn clear
757
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:16,890
that this event was off limits,
and all of you defied me.
758
00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:18,773
You broke the chain of command.
759
00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:26,607
But never have I been so glad
760
00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:28,111
to have my orders ignored.
761
00:32:28,113 --> 00:32:30,413
That was some funny shit.
762
00:32:30,407 --> 00:32:32,367
And I'm not just referring
to what they had to hose off
763
00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:33,537
the Weekday Warriors.
764
00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:34,905
[laughs]
765
00:32:34,911 --> 00:32:36,711
That was definitely
the nicest place
766
00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:38,665
I've ever almost burned down.
767
00:32:42,836 --> 00:32:44,296
‐ You're too good for them
anyway, Colonel.
768
00:32:44,296 --> 00:32:45,876
Hell, you're too good
for Birmingham,
769
00:32:45,881 --> 00:32:47,721
for all of Alabama.
770
00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:50,256
Some folks describe me
as a visionary‐‐
771
00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:51,550
‐ I'm pretty sure
that's self‐proclaimed.
772
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:55,103
‐ Because I see
the big picture.
773
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,558
And here's what I see.
774
00:32:56,558 --> 00:33:00,228
We're all gonna get out of here
and do great things,
775
00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:03,108
but the Colonel is destined
for the greatest.
776
00:33:03,106 --> 00:33:05,226
‐ No kidding.
777
00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:07,743
Don't come asking
for handouts when I make it.
778
00:33:07,736 --> 00:33:08,736
I'm serious.
779
00:33:08,737 --> 00:33:09,737
[three knocks on door]
780
00:33:09,738 --> 00:33:11,108
ALASKA:
Shit, hide.
781
00:33:11,114 --> 00:33:12,914
‐ Good evening.
782
00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:14,868
Everybody enjoying
their Saturday night?
783
00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:20,955
Uh, Mr. Halter, I just wanted
to check and make sure
784
00:33:20,957 --> 00:33:22,247
that you could make it
back into your room
785
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:24,920
since you seem to be
missing these.
786
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,460
[ominous music]
787
00:33:32,594 --> 00:33:34,354
THE EAGLE:
Keep up, Mr. Halter.
788
00:33:39,518 --> 00:33:41,478
To the right.
789
00:33:41,478 --> 00:33:42,558
THE COLONEL:
God damn it.
790
00:33:42,562 --> 00:33:43,862
How could he have been
so sloppy?
791
00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,145
TAKUMI: Turns out
Pudge's choice of key chain
792
00:33:45,148 --> 00:33:46,898
was unfortunate
on a number of levels.
793
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,240
‐ Not sure
that's what matters here.
794
00:33:48,235 --> 00:33:49,775
TAKUMI: Disagree.
You know what they say.
795
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:51,908
Never trust a man with a need
to draw attention to his keys.
796
00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:53,525
‐ I'm certain no one's
ever said that before.
797
00:33:53,532 --> 00:33:54,912
TAKUMI:
It was a rough translation.
798
00:33:54,908 --> 00:33:56,828
‐ I'm surprised to hear
that you're doubting Pudge.
799
00:33:56,826 --> 00:33:58,446
Was he not a pivotal part
of one of the greatest
800
00:33:58,453 --> 00:34:01,043
counterinsurgencies ever
carried out on foreign soil?
801
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:02,539
TAKUMI: He was
the least coordinated
802
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:04,291
and expressed the most doubt...
803
00:34:06,586 --> 00:34:08,586
But he was a key
to its success.
804
00:34:08,588 --> 00:34:09,628
Pun intended.
805
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:10,881
THE COLONEL:
This is true.
806
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:12,802
And he did just face off
against some explosive
807
00:34:12,801 --> 00:34:13,971
and deadly assholes.
808
00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:15,469
All puns intended.
809
00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:17,310
‐ Wordplay while our friend's
future hangs in the balance?
810
00:34:17,305 --> 00:34:19,265
‐ Look, I wish I shared
your confidence
811
00:34:19,266 --> 00:34:20,766
in his ability to withstand
the Eagle,
812
00:34:20,767 --> 00:34:23,347
but what do we really know
about Miles Halter?
813
00:34:23,353 --> 00:34:25,023
Other than the fairly
damning fact
814
00:34:25,021 --> 00:34:26,941
that he's from Florida.
815
00:34:26,940 --> 00:34:28,940
‐ There is one thing I know
about Pudge Halter
816
00:34:28,942 --> 00:34:30,652
that makes me think
he'll keep his mouth shut.
817
00:34:30,652 --> 00:34:32,532
TAKUMI:
Oh, yeah.
818
00:34:32,529 --> 00:34:34,569
Good point.
819
00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:36,203
‐ Well, what's that?
820
00:34:40,704 --> 00:34:42,294
THE EAGLE:
The Sunshine State.
821
00:34:42,289 --> 00:34:43,999
I like that you have
so much pride in your home,
822
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,459
Mr. Halter.
823
00:34:46,459 --> 00:34:48,999
‐ I just got it for, like, 99¢
824
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:50,674
with the purchase
of a Slim Jim.
825
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:51,762
‐ But surely
you must miss Florida.
826
00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:53,046
MILES:
No, not really.
827
00:34:53,049 --> 00:34:55,259
I mean,
if my parents moved tomorrow,
828
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:56,720
I'd happily never go back.
829
00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,680
‐ Well, then, let's hope
you don't have to return there
830
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,100
any time soon.
831
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:01,268
[teakettle whistling]
832
00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:03,016
‐ Noted, sir.
Thank you.
833
00:35:03,018 --> 00:35:05,848
THE EAGLE: Do you know
where you are, Mr. Halter?
834
00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:09,734
You are in my home where
we can speak in confidence.
835
00:35:09,733 --> 00:35:10,943
Oh.
836
00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:14,572
Actually,
it belongs to the school.
837
00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:17,911
‐ I see, uh... and are you
renovating the place
838
00:35:17,907 --> 00:35:19,867
or you just move in?
839
00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:22,658
‐ Uh, no.
840
00:35:24,706 --> 00:35:27,916
Uh, if you must know,
my wife is moving out.
841
00:35:27,917 --> 00:35:32,127
Well, she already moved out.
Quite hastily, if you ask me.
842
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:33,470
She sure didn't.
843
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:35,175
‐ I‐I didn't mean to pry.
844
00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:37,885
‐ Oh, no, we were only together
for 13 years.
845
00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:41,056
You know, it'll be fine.
846
00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:45,766
I mean... eventually so.
847
00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:46,939
But the good news is,
848
00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:50,186
I have more time
to focus on my job.
849
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:53,740
Now, as you may already know,
850
00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:56,445
there have been a spate
of pranks at Culver Creek,
851
00:35:56,446 --> 00:35:57,946
all clearly related.
852
00:35:57,947 --> 00:36:01,407
Now, the bad news for you is
that you are the only student
853
00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:03,239
that I can connect
to these pranks.
854
00:36:03,244 --> 00:36:07,004
Which means the full weight
of the punishment
855
00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:10,788
for all of them will fall
squarely onto your shoulders,
856
00:36:10,794 --> 00:36:14,924
unless you and I can come to
857
00:36:14,923 --> 00:36:17,633
some sort of a deal.
858
00:36:17,634 --> 00:36:19,514
‐ You mean, you want me to rat?
859
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:20,511
‐ No.
860
00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:25,387
I see it did not take long
for you to get indoctrinated.
861
00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:26,562
That's not a surprise
862
00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,649
given that Mr. Martin
is your roommate.
863
00:36:28,645 --> 00:36:32,105
"Snitches get stitches,"
as the kids say.
864
00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:34,477
Uh, but here's one
you may not have heard.
865
00:36:34,484 --> 00:36:37,244
"All that is necessary
for the triumph of evil
866
00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:38,737
is that good men do nothing."
867
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:42,662
If you acted alone,
868
00:36:42,659 --> 00:36:44,159
then you can just confess
to all of it,
869
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,580
and this matter will be put
before the jury.
870
00:36:46,579 --> 00:36:49,079
‐ The‐‐the jury?
871
00:36:49,082 --> 00:36:50,582
THE EAGLE:
It's a panel of your peers.
872
00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:52,133
Students with
a deep appreciation
873
00:36:52,127 --> 00:36:53,667
for Culver Creek's rules.
874
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:55,840
You can avoid the uncertainty
of a trial
875
00:36:55,839 --> 00:36:57,879
and receive
a far more lenient sentence
876
00:36:57,882 --> 00:37:02,352
by simply telling me
everything that you know.
877
00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:03,845
That choice is yours.
878
00:37:03,847 --> 00:37:06,847
[dramatic music]
879
00:37:06,850 --> 00:37:13,310
♪ ♪
880
00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:16,569
[fire crackling]
881
00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:21,823
MILES: So, convicted murderer
James French
882
00:37:21,823 --> 00:37:24,873
was sentenced
to the electric chair.
883
00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,618
To witnesses of his execution,
884
00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:29,960
he yelled these last words:
885
00:37:29,956 --> 00:37:33,496
"Hey, fellas, how's this
for tomorrow's headline:
886
00:37:33,501 --> 00:37:36,671
'French Fries.'"
887
00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:38,421
Yeah, it's a terrible joke,
888
00:37:38,423 --> 00:37:41,593
but I always admired
that he kept his wits about him
889
00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:45,013
in the face of such
dire circumstances.
890
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:46,853
‐ Pudge, what the fuck
are you talking about?
891
00:37:49,225 --> 00:37:50,975
‐ I didn't tell him anything.
892
00:37:52,562 --> 00:37:54,692
It wasn't easy.
893
00:37:54,689 --> 00:37:57,689
He is a scary man.
894
00:37:57,692 --> 00:37:59,742
THE COLONEL: The Eagle
is a sadistic son of a bitch,
895
00:37:59,736 --> 00:38:01,696
all right.
896
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:02,946
I'm impressed.
897
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,657
‐ And I'm surprised.
ALASKA: I'm not.
898
00:38:05,658 --> 00:38:07,408
I'm proud of you, Pudge.
899
00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:09,040
THE COLONEL:
Another badass moment.
900
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:12,617
You better slow down, Pudge.
You may actually become cool.
901
00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:16,498
‐ So, the Eagle
just let you go?
902
00:38:16,503 --> 00:38:18,383
‐ I wish.
903
00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:20,799
I have a hearing
in front of the jury.
904
00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:23,379
THE COLONEL:
Goddamn.
905
00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:25,604
That jury is composed
of Culver Creek's
906
00:38:25,595 --> 00:38:26,805
tightest sphincters.
907
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:28,465
‐ Well, it was nice
knowing you, Pudge.
908
00:38:28,473 --> 00:38:30,563
‐ Everyone stay calm.
909
00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:32,438
You can never give up hope
in the eternal struggle
910
00:38:32,435 --> 00:38:34,725
of the good versus the naughty.
911
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,059
You may lose a battle,
912
00:38:36,064 --> 00:38:38,194
but mischief always wins
the war.
913
00:38:38,191 --> 00:38:41,191
[exciting pop music]
914
00:38:41,194 --> 00:38:48,204
♪ ♪
915
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:58,169
‐ Oh, no.
No, no, no.
916
00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,549
Absolutely not.
917
00:38:59,546 --> 00:39:02,256
This room is reserved
for jurors and the accused.
918
00:39:02,257 --> 00:39:04,427
I get‐‐and obviously me.
919
00:39:04,425 --> 00:39:06,385
♪ ♪
920
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:09,806
SINGER:
♪ Inspired by you ♪
921
00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:13,180
‐ Have a seat.
922
00:39:25,822 --> 00:39:27,072
You may now address the jury.
923
00:39:33,621 --> 00:39:37,131
‐ Dear esteemed
fellow classmates
924
00:39:37,125 --> 00:39:39,995
and the Honorable
Mr. Starnes,
925
00:39:40,003 --> 00:39:45,433
I come today to throw myself
before the mercy of the court.
926
00:39:45,425 --> 00:39:47,425
As disappointed
as you may be in me,
927
00:39:47,427 --> 00:39:50,387
it pales in comparison
to the disappointment
928
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:52,138
I feel with myself.
929
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:55,140
THE COLONEL: Wow,
you ladies look slender.
930
00:39:55,143 --> 00:39:56,353
Lost any weight?
931
00:39:56,352 --> 00:39:58,062
‐ The only weight
I'm gonna lose is you,
932
00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:00,152
'cause you're dead weight,
and you're dead.
933
00:40:00,148 --> 00:40:01,398
TAKUMI:
Hold up.
934
00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:04,399
I need to think about that one
for a second.
935
00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:06,282
‐ I think we can all agree
what happened at the club
936
00:40:06,279 --> 00:40:07,319
went too far.
937
00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:08,702
‐ What happened at the club?
938
00:40:08,698 --> 00:40:10,198
‐ No idea, not a member.
939
00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:12,369
‐ You shouldn't be lecturing
anyone about going too far.
940
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:15,578
‐ Fine.
941
00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:18,420
Maybe we took it too far
dumping Halter in the lake.
942
00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:21,246
ALASKA:
And the Colonel's suit.
943
00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:22,672
‐ We didn't know
it was his only one.
944
00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:23,920
‐ That sounded
dangerously close
945
00:40:23,922 --> 00:40:24,922
to an apology.
946
00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,303
‐ Not close enough.
947
00:40:26,299 --> 00:40:30,219
‐ Right now, one of yours
is in front of the jury,
948
00:40:30,219 --> 00:40:32,139
and the Eagle's on the warpath.
949
00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:34,388
We may never know
who the rat was...
950
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:35,770
‐ [coughs]
Colonel.
951
00:40:37,894 --> 00:40:40,734
‐ But we can all agree
we need to turn down the heat.
952
00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:42,320
Now, we'll stop looking
for the rat
953
00:40:42,315 --> 00:40:46,315
if you stop retaliating,
for real.
954
00:40:46,319 --> 00:40:47,779
Truce?
955
00:40:50,907 --> 00:40:52,697
‐ Who knows
that there even was a rat?
956
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:54,740
The Eagle could have
just gotten lucky, and‐‐
957
00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:57,164
‐ Truce.
958
00:40:57,163 --> 00:40:59,173
Peace be with you, Longwell.
959
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:09,295
‐ So, you're just
making decisions
960
00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:11,090
without even consulting us now?
961
00:41:11,094 --> 00:41:12,894
‐ Oh, I'm‐‐I'm sorry.
962
00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:14,217
Was I unaware
that you recently bought
963
00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:16,142
a winning lotto ticket?
964
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,520
Unlike those assholes,
965
00:41:17,517 --> 00:41:20,227
we still need our scholarship
money to stay here.
966
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:21,478
And I don't know
about you boys,
967
00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:23,399
but planning and executing
these elaborate
968
00:41:23,398 --> 00:41:27,358
albeit brilliant pranks
is not really enhancing my GPA.
969
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:31,320
It's over.
We won.
970
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:32,872
‐ We haven't won yet.
971
00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,825
THE EAGLE:Mr. Halter, please rise.
972
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,036
The jury has heard
your testimony
973
00:41:40,039 --> 00:41:42,289
and has deliberated the facts
presented to them,
974
00:41:42,291 --> 00:41:44,631
and they have come
to a decision.
975
00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:46,167
Ms. Rowinksi.
976
00:41:48,673 --> 00:41:50,133
‐ Given this is a first offense
977
00:41:50,133 --> 00:41:51,763
and the fact
that no other students
978
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:53,429
have filed complaints
against you,
979
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:55,598
not to mention
your clear remorse,
980
00:41:55,596 --> 00:41:57,636
we have decided on a sentencing
981
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,770
of two weeks cafeteria
cleanup duty,
982
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:02,938
mostly for the offense
of buying
983
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:04,227
that hideous key chain.
984
00:42:08,192 --> 00:42:11,072
‐ To the rest of the jury,
985
00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:13,320
do you agree
with this sentence?
986
00:42:14,407 --> 00:42:16,197
‐ Yes.
987
00:42:17,827 --> 00:42:19,117
‐ Very well.
988
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,250
You can report to Maureen
in the cafeteria.
989
00:42:21,247 --> 00:42:22,827
She'll show you
where the hairnets are.
990
00:42:22,832 --> 00:42:25,132
I do hope you enjoy
the smell of wet sponges.
991
00:42:25,126 --> 00:42:28,416
And Mr. Halter, please remember
that the next time
992
00:42:28,421 --> 00:42:29,591
you are in front of the jury,
993
00:42:29,589 --> 00:42:30,919
you will not be
a first‐time offender,
994
00:42:30,923 --> 00:42:34,303
so consider your actions
carefully.
995
00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:37,562
‐ I got off
with a slap on the wrist.
996
00:42:37,555 --> 00:42:39,925
I mean, I wasn't sure
how it was gonna go.
997
00:42:39,932 --> 00:42:42,312
But I really spoke
from the heart,
998
00:42:42,310 --> 00:42:44,560
and I think
the jury connected with it.
999
00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:49,112
‐ Look at him,
so proud of himself.
1000
00:42:49,108 --> 00:42:50,738
‐ I almost don't even
wanna tell him.
1001
00:42:50,735 --> 00:42:53,395
‐ Then don't.
Just let him have this.
1002
00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:54,994
‐ [laughs]
1003
00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:57,079
Have‐‐have‐‐have what?
What's going on?
1004
00:42:57,075 --> 00:43:00,445
‐ I'm sure the jury let you off
because of your stirring words
1005
00:43:00,453 --> 00:43:02,043
and those puppy dog eyes,
1006
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,748
but probably doesn't hurt
1007
00:43:03,748 --> 00:43:05,368
that I'll be writing
free term papers
1008
00:43:05,374 --> 00:43:06,504
for jurors two and five.
1009
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:08,341
‐ Or that I agreed
to teach juror one
1010
00:43:08,336 --> 00:43:09,626
how to master "Halo 2"
1011
00:43:09,629 --> 00:43:11,669
and provide
all relevant cheat codes.
1012
00:43:11,672 --> 00:43:13,842
‐ Oh, and I promised
juror number seven
1013
00:43:13,841 --> 00:43:16,301
you'd go on a date with her,
Lara.
1014
00:43:16,302 --> 00:43:18,142
You might remember her
from our study group.
1015
00:43:18,137 --> 00:43:22,887
‐ Or her great breasts‐‐
perky breasts.
1016
00:43:22,892 --> 00:43:25,062
‐ You guys tampered
with the jury on my behalf?
1017
00:43:25,061 --> 00:43:26,941
TAKUMI: Tell me they read
the part about your key chain.
1018
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:29,398
It cost me extra,
but I just couldn't resist.
1019
00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:32,028
ALASKA: I told you, Pudge.
You're one of us now.
1020
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:33,396
THE COLONEL:
Don't start crying,
1021
00:43:33,402 --> 00:43:35,362
'cause you'll ruin everything.
1022
00:43:35,363 --> 00:43:38,373
[tense music]
1023
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:44,826
♪ ♪
1024
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:50,000
‐ Well, this is disappointing.
1025
00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:57,012
♪ ♪
1026
00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:04,136
MR. HYDE:The trees with their branches,
1027
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,102
the brancheswith their leaves,
1028
00:44:06,102 --> 00:44:09,312
the tall grass that grows
in its shade,
1029
00:44:09,313 --> 00:44:11,863
all on display
out that very window.
1030
00:44:20,074 --> 00:44:22,294
‐ I'm sorry, sir.
1031
00:44:24,078 --> 00:44:25,958
I always pay attention
in class.
1032
00:44:25,955 --> 00:44:27,365
It won't happen again.
1033
00:44:27,373 --> 00:44:28,793
‐ [chuckles]
1034
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,921
So you are to never stare
at another window
1035
00:44:30,918 --> 00:44:32,668
for the rest of your days?
1036
00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:34,170
[chuckles]
1037
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:36,052
That's very sad news.
1038
00:44:38,384 --> 00:44:39,474
‐ Uh...
1039
00:44:41,846 --> 00:44:45,266
Apologies, but, uh...
1040
00:44:45,266 --> 00:44:48,266
I don't understand
what you want me to say.
1041
00:44:48,269 --> 00:44:49,309
MR. HYDE:
Good.
1042
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:55,903
Stop thinking about
what's the right answer,
1043
00:44:55,902 --> 00:44:57,822
what you think I want to hear.
1044
00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:02,577
I don't want any thinking
from you whatsoever.
1045
00:45:05,244 --> 00:45:08,294
I just want you to be.
1046
00:45:08,289 --> 00:45:09,579
‐ Are you sure?
1047
00:45:09,582 --> 00:45:12,672
MR. HYDE:
Life only exists now.
1048
00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:14,838
Time spent on the future
or the past
1049
00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:17,007
is done at your own risk.
1050
00:45:17,006 --> 00:45:19,086
Be present in this class.
1051
00:45:19,091 --> 00:45:22,141
And when it's over,
be present out there.
1052
00:45:22,136 --> 00:45:24,006
‐ ♪ My rhyme's old‐school ♪
1053
00:45:24,013 --> 00:45:25,393
♪ Sort of like
the ancient Romans ♪
1054
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:27,389
♪ Colonel's beats are sav
like Arthur Miller's ♪
1055
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:28,641
MR. HYDE:It's the only way
1056
00:45:28,643 --> 00:45:30,813
to actually connectwith others,
1057
00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:33,311
to see them as they truly are.
1058
00:45:33,314 --> 00:45:36,324
[pensive music]
1059
00:45:36,317 --> 00:45:43,317
♪ ♪
1060
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:53,923
‐ Why do you smoke
so damn fast?
1061
00:45:53,918 --> 00:46:00,928
♪ ♪
1062
00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:07,597
‐ Y'all smoke to enjoy it.
1063
00:46:07,598 --> 00:46:09,348
I smoke to die.
1064
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:18,070
♪ ♪
1065
00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:43,381
[singer vocalizing]
1066
00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:50,394
♪ ♪
1067
00:46:51,305 --> 00:46:57,195
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