Original subtitles

THE BEAR AND THE DOLL

Arthur, the door!

Why are you taking my vase?

It's the only suitable one.

Arthur, the door!

Arthur darling, come and kiss me.

Arthur, the door!

Too many women in this house.

Do you know what we say?

“It depends if it's windy or if it isn't...”

But when it is, we close the doors, Arthur.

Look at the flowers, Dad. They're superb!

Mum and Dad said they'll be away another week.

Gaspard, the door!

Your aunt and uncle will be away another week.

Some people are having fun.

Do you know what I think? You have a superb bottom.

It runs in the family, Daddy darling.

And when it isn't windy...

It was just a simple question.

Keep your pillow, my good man.

And you, my good man, keep your animal.

My poor Sully, we're really alone.

Felix?

Is that you slamming doors?

Can I come in?

Wait...

Come in.

- Was it you slamming the doors? - No.

Are your eyes sore?

Do I ask you if your hair's long to hide your funny ears?

But my ears aren't...

- Felix... - Don't ogle my legs, Reginald!

If the wind changes you'll stay like that, cross-eyed with twisted ears.

Hello, hello!

- My ears aren't twisted. - I bet they are.

- I bet they're aren't. - What do we bet?

- A kiss. - A kiss?

No kiss. Cash!

- 10,000 francs they are. - Any time, my sweet.

Aldo, lend me 10,000 francs. There you are!

I don't want to see your cauliflower ears.

My yoghurt, Victor.

Why do elephants wear Grey slippers?

So as not to scare the mice.

- It's not funny. - Be quiet.

- Green slippers? - Any more buttered bread, Marguerite?

To hide in the grass.

Drink your coffee, Dad.

Tartan slippers?

The soldiers are cold, Marguerite.

While the others are at the cleaners.

What's purple and weighs 2000 kilos?

We've never seen a purple elephant.

It's a plum.

Have an apple, Reginald.

Listen, Felicia!

You make me...

Put your hands like this.

Don't move.

One day, I'll paint you like that.

- Does anyone want it? - Yes. Rainwater, good for the skin.

My turn to take Arthur.

My sweet, do you love your cousin Julie?

Yes... and cousins Charlotte and Mariette.

- My little darling! - Kiss Mariette, my treasure.

Look, cousins, if you lack men, find some.

I won't cope all alone.

Hush, I can't hear the engine.

It's my fault, I should have covered the engine.

The poor old thing has caught it.

And given it to me.

Blah-blah here, blah-blah there...

No point labouring it, it would only cause anxiety.

It's time to flower, you idiot!

- You look like a rose. - You don't.

- Why did you throw me out last night? - You're no rose.

Roses go with other roses.

Then why did you take me to your bedroom?

Under electric light you almost resemble a flower.

But you were just an artichoke flower. Made of paper.

- Can't you see I'm busy? - With what?

Don't you see I can't find my car?

Aldo, someone's stolen my car.

- What are you doing? - Planting peas. Can't you see?

Busy... I'll call Ivan, he'll sort it out.

Still seeing your ex-husband?

Those creeps!

I remember parking the car in front of the No Parking sign.

Sorry Felix, but last night I drove you back from Bougival.

Damn it, that's true.

I can see myself leaving it in Bougival. Why not say so earlier?

I can take you there to to to... collect it.

I can take you to Bougival la, la, la, si, do ré mi. No!

- What are you doing? - Replanting peas.

I hadn't finished the row.

Oh, your cello!

- Where? - Nowhere, actually.

You should have remembered. I can't do everything.

Everything? I remembered your raincoat.

- Me, the money. - Me, your ID.

- Me, the petrol. - What about you?

Don't rush me... I'm thinking.

I surely thought of something.

Do we tell him or not?

Have you left something at home, Daddy dear?

It goes moo.

Arthur, Julie, your hats! Remember, children.

Or I'll get a litre of water in my ear at the first turn.

- Must you follow me everywhere? - Yes. I'm sad when I don't see you.

Come closer, Reginald.

You've got good legs, Reginald. You must be a fast runner.

I was a university champi...

- Champignon? - Champion.

There's a staircase there.

And another one there.

We'll each take one.

- I bet I'll get there first. - Impossible.

- I'm a university... - One, two, three. Go!

We didn't say what the bet was.

For once I was sure of winning.

Ivan, don't move!

You'd make a fortune posing for fashion magazines.

What a pity you're so rich.

It was nice of you to come at once.

Are you surprised?

You're going too far!

You know very well I detest mint.

Arthur!

- Tell your teacher... - Use the phone.

I look great with my bouquet.

- Three girls are missing school. - Where?

We've passed it.

Gaspard!

Arthur's school teacher... will you marry her?

No!

Snob!

To save time, I'll buy all this at that perfumery.

I'll get my car and pick you up.

Felicia...

Yes?

You're stupid. Drat.

Come! Where?

To fetch Ivan. You can't drive two cars at once.

Maybe you could check I'm not dead?

- Hello, madam. - Hello.

Did you hear me? I'm more than a mudguard.

You're fine, but it's smashed.

- Buy yourself a stronger car. - No, the 2CV is fine.

The Rolls is dented. You should buy a stronger car.

That's clever. But it's not mine.

I see... And is yours strong?

I'm not sure but we could try racing yours.

Anyway... luckily, it's not raining.

Sorry?

Otherwise, I'd get drenched chatting to you in the rain.

Out of the way, I'm in a hurry.

It's rubbing, that's why.

The crushed mudguard. It's rubbing on the tyre.

Well, it's not rubbing any more.

It was rubbing.

Wait for me. I'll get my bag.

There's a puddle. It's wet.

It's leaking. Rainwater.

- Good for the skin. - Don't be rude. Do you have a cloth?

What a drag! What a day!

- Do you play the violin? - Yes, the big one.

- Where? - ORTF Radio.

Anyway, take that street over there.

If Madam doesn't mind, I'll go that way.

- Why do you talk like a butler? - I thought you'd like it.

I'm in a hurry, I'm getting a divorce. Take me to my car up there.

- Do you mind? - Yes. I'm in a hurry too.

It's that car there.

Goodbye, madam.

Well, Felix... that didn't work.

I'd completely forgotten about him.

Ivan?

Ivan!

How have you been, darling?

You're catching a cold.

- Don't play the feather-brain. - Me?

We parted three hours ago, it's ludicrous to...

- To ask me how I am. - Bless you!

- Two hours in the rain! - Why not wait inside?

Had I not forgotten you, I'd have looked inside.

I'm not stupid.

I don't know what they say about Rolls Royces,

it's this, it's that...

Do you know what you should do? Buy a 2CV.

It's cheaper and much stronger.

What does that mean?

It means the 2CV is fine.

And the Rolls?

The Rolls? It's a write-off.

And... where are the pieces?

You don't remember?

It's a bit vague.

To the west?

Right. I'll have the police search for it.

And the guy's name and registration number?

His insurance and the accident report?

I want a jointly agreed statement.

What a pity one can only divorce once.

You're just the type I'd divorce three or four times.

That's far too loud...

It's written pianissimo. Once again.

- Hello? - Hello!

- Mr Tabard? - Yes.

Hello, Mr Tabard. Are you well?

- Yes. - Do you have a 2CV?

Yes...

Did you hit a Rolls this morning?

I didn't, but a colleague had an accident today.

Put him on, please.

Start all over again, darling, it's awful.

- You're Mr... - Milaud.

Milaud... Mr Milaud.

- Don't you have a 2 CV? - No, a 404.

I'm hopeless with cars. I'd swear it was a 2CV.

Didn't you hit a Rolls this morning?

No. A Bentebuer.

No. I'm sure it was a Rolls.

Never mind... Give me Mr Bernard, please.

Oh, wait. One more detail...

- Aren't you a cellist? - No, I'm a percussionist.

Then it's not that at all.

Hello?

My poor Mr Bernard, I can't talk to you. I'll call you later.

Why do you say “My poor, poor... Mr Bernard?”

Arthur, to bed.

Right away.

Ideally, we should have a cow,

or a horse.

No more chemical fertilisers.

We should consider it.

And the paths too.

A little cart.

Mum hasn't visited us for at least two months.

That woman doesn't care about me.

- Have you written to grandma? - No.

- Then you no longer love her. - I no longer love grandma?

- You're mad. - Why don't you write?

- I forget to. - Same with your mother.

Others are like you. No better, no worse.

- You're better. - Yes, but I'm an exception.

Right, off to bed.

Hello?

Sir, did you hit a Rolls Royce this morning?

No.

Thank you. Sorry...

On the other hand, this morning, a Rolls Royce hit me.

I recognise you. We must meet at once.

- For an insurance statement. - I see.

Arthur...

- I'll tell you how to get here. - No.

I shall tell you how to get here.

Hello.

- Where are you from, stranger? - The other side of town.

- Such a long trip! - When I left I was that high.

- At last! - You could have read while you waited.

Don't you like my orange jumper?

- Orange? - It used to be orange.

Before you got used to sleeping with your cow.

My cow? I wonder what makes you say that.

- The smell. - Those city noses are delicate.

Yet they can't tell a cow from a billy goat.

- How did you find me? - At ORTF.

And disagreeable.

- Happy birthday. - Same to you.

- Wasn't it yours? - Or yours?

What are all those people doing then?

- The papers are upstairs. - Good.

The goat hates waiting. He'll get mad.

- Cigarettes? - What have you got?

- Felix, my beauty! - It had to be you for me to come.

- My sinuses are in a state! - Superb fabric! In London...

Amazing dress!

You never never never phone me! Never...

What happened, Alexandra?

I was hit at the protest demo today. Front line!

Alexandra's a revolutionary.

They told me you bought a super car. What is it again?

A Ferrari. But it's not going well.

My brother Titus.

A relieved Stéphane is no longer my husband from today. Creep!

- Long live young divorcees! - Bravo!

- And who's this? - I don't know yet.

Felicia?

- Who's that? - Gaspard, my fiancé.

Look after Gaspard.

I'll get the insurance papers. Back in a sec.

I forgot! He's a Swede. So talk to him very slowly.

He understands a little but can't speak.

I said I'll be back right away.

- Since when do you speak Swedish? - Just a few words.

What part of Sweden are you from?

Speak English. All Swedes do.

Everyone, except him.

In Sweden?

- You... pop? - Yes. Not you?

Felicia... more!

Oh, sorry, my dear!

Who the hell is this guy?

- You... painting? - Yes. Not you?

Me, nature... more!

What do you do for a living?

Your job.

- Work... - Makes you free!

What do you do?

I sit.

Pretty flowers!

- Artificial. Paper? - No, fabric.

I have dislike for unnatural flowers. I want go.

Good night, my darling.

I'll be back.

Sure you don't want to stay a little longer?

Sure.

- Good night. - Goodbye.

Victor, cut the power, fast.

Why did I do that?

Shit!

I apologise for this blackout.

It didn't seem too long?

No.

I'll see you out.

Getting divorced always makes me sad. So I give a party.

I can't bear seeing my guests leave and the party end.

I understand.

Goodbye, Felicia.

Sorry!

Go to hell!

What's that outfit for?

Your brother said fancy dress.

You fell for it, Ivan! This is Ivan.

He was my husband three years ago. Very rich, with two Rollers.

The moral is a 2CV is stronger than a Rolls Royce

but less so than two Rolls Royces.

We can do both statements in one go

as I forgot to fill in the other one earlier.

I'm...

a bit distracted.

I'll have my car picked up tomorrow.

Goodbye, Felicia.

What do you mean? I'm driving you back.

Don't leave your friends. I'll get a cab.

They'll do without me for 15 minutes.

Come on, quick!

Well?

Hush. I'm thinking.

Okay.

- They're completely mad! - Who?

The cowherds.

Taking the cows out at this hour, in the rain!

- Cows in the city? - City or not, I saw two cows!

I almost ran over them.

Stop!

The gate.

Oh, yes. Where are we?

- At my place. - I'll have a look.

It's unludating here. I mean undulating.

It goes up and down, up and down...

- What have you been drinking? - Me? Nothing. I mean, not much.

Oh! It's very pretty. Very pretty!

A bit too undulating but very pretty.

Goodbye and thank you.

Thank you very much.

These cars are so low!

You're not in your car.

Not in my car?

You're on the ground.

On the ground?

- In my opinion. - You brute!

You pushed it. I saw you!

- What did I push? - My car. It was here.

- Hands off! Where's my car? - Let's go to my place first.

- For what, sir? - You can't drive in this state.

You're completely drunk.

- Another cow! Definitely. - Definitely.

- Is it yours? - Yes.

Then you have milk, it's handy.

- Do you also have hens? - Yes, there.

I didn't fall on my head, sir.

Falling on my bottom didn't make me unable to tell a hen from a cat.

You have a big garden. I like little gardens.

Do you like this door?

It's the only one there is.

- We're going up there. - What for?

Come on!

She has a cold too.

I'll leave you on your own. I must bring your car in.

And change my clothes.

Have a hot bath.

And turn off the tap before it overflows.

Sully, move!

You want to die? Fine.

This must be first gear...

You can laugh! Why don't you do it, Mr Know-it-all?

Out, Prudhomme!

This can go on forever!

Right. Hold the wheel while I go and push.

- Arthur! - Daddy! Not in bed yet?

For you.

Look...

Nyaah nyaah, I kept my dress on.

So naughty men won't see a thing.

- Where are you off to? - To tell the police you poisoned me.

Here, Felicia. Wear this while your dress dries.

- So you've all met, I see. - Not Charlotte.

- She has a fever. - She has a fever.

- Got fever? - My boot let in the water.

- Now it's coming out your nose. - Hello.

- That's Charlotte and Julie. - You go and change.

He's annoying me!

Why are you crying, children?

Julie's describing a film she saw. It's so sad, we can't help crying.

What is it?

It's a girl who's a poor whore but very beautiful.

It's American. She falls for a guy who despises her.

Inside, she's pure. He's a bastard, a snob.

She gets to him, but he's awful to her. And then...

Be quiet! Julie, to bed. You, outside.

Mariette, go to bed.

- Dad, I must talk to you. - What adorable kids.

- Where's your wife? - Asleep, I hope.

- In this noise? - She sleeps far away.

- Where? - Australia. Dress!

- Is that true? - Yes, she doesn't live with us.

Come along, I'm sleepy.

Can you tuck me in?

Give me a kiss.

It's all wet.

Have you got a headache?

- Rosa came yesterday afternoon. - Rosa?

- The old cat of the Levasseurs. - Oh, yes.

That's good. Very good. Good night.

There's no one to talk to in this house.

Are you leaving?

Yes, I've troubled you enough.

- Are you feeling okay now? - I've always been okay.

I just didn't feel like going back.

- Don't you want to know why? - Yes. Why?

I wanted to stay with you.

- Don't you want to know why? - Yes. Why?

Don't ask me why. I don't know.

- I'll send Mariette's things back. - Thanks.

I'll open the gate for you.

Drat! This is no good.

It's broken down.

Broken down.

Right.

I'll see what it is.

If I were you, I wouldn't look there.

Where then?

In the grass. That's where I threw the key.

Then I'll go look in the grass.

You won't find it.

I will.

No, I'll find it.

And when I find it, I'll swallow it.

May I ask why you'd swallow that key?

I'm not used to being thrown out. I'll go when I want.

I'm not throwing you out. I'll find the key and you'll go home.

No!

We'll see.

Yes, we will.

Sully, give me that.

Don't!

Sully, come here!

Okay. Very well.

I'll call you a taxi.

- I don't have any money. - Let me pay for it.

There goes all your savings.

I've never been treated like this.

The taxi can come, I won't take it.

Come quickly, please. It's urgent. Thanks.

Did you hear me? It'll come for nothing. That's not smart.

I'm going to kill her.

God, help me to stay calm or I'll kill her.

From Saint-Germain, it won't take long.

It can come. I won't take it.

I won't take it.

Wait a moment.

Come here, you crazy woman!

Are you coming or not?

If you don't take that cab I'll find you and kill you.

- You can go, she's changed her mind. - And for the trip out?

- Is this enough? - That'll do.

Go away, go away...

Oh shit.

Poor fool.

Poor fool.

Have some cabbage soup. It's warming and calming.

Why? Do you need to calm down?

- Listen, er... - Er?

- Do you have a minute? - It depends what you'll do with it.

Give me a minute. I'll give it back. Don't go away.

Prudhomme...

Felicia, someone wants to talk to you.

Go ahead, Prudhomme.

You're a worldly cat. Tell the lady I'm sorry but...

I'm an old bear who bites when disturbed.

Prudhomme, tell the gentleman I may have disturbed him

but he didn't bite me, on the contrary.

Why did you kiss me?

To a straight question, a straight answer. I don't know.

I didn't feel like it at all.

I appreciate your frankness and I want to thank you for it.

I don't know much about bears but I know they love jam.

Not all of them.

- Right. This time, we're going. - Where?

To bed. Good night, madam.

Leave me alone, you!

Well! Good evening, Felicia.

If you need a cab, there's the phone.

- I don't care. - You're rude.

Don't care!

What's normal in a man is silly or shameful in a woman.

We say a Don Juan, a nymphomaniac.

A ladies' man, a vixen.

- Our hands are tied. - Not your tongue.

Oh yes, that too.

Some things I can't say, but I could if I were a man.

What's that?

That?

It's a sceptical pout.

You'll see.

Imagine I'm a man and you're a woman.

- I'm at home. - In my little bedroom?

Yeah.

There.

I come into your bedroom.

I'm a man.

So, my little girl...

Are you hiding? Leaving me all alone...

all sad.

Leave, sir, or I'll call Mummy.

Mummy!

Be quiet, Daddy.

My little doll, don't be afraid.

You're so beautiful. Your eyes are like stars.

I bet you say that to every girl.

And your mouth. Has no-one ever said anything about your mouth?

You know your mouth is driving me crazy?

Leave my mouth alone, sir, and leave me alone.

Look at me, my angel.

I like you, you know. Even more than that...

- Drop the knitting and let me kiss you. - No, sir!

Now I've dropped a stitch. Knit one, purl one.

Go where you're wanted.

But it's you that I want, silly goose.

- Do you find me so ugly? - Yes.

Purl one, knit two...

Liar.

Little liar's nose.

Beautiful liar's eyes.

Liar's lips.

Earlier, in the grass, I wasn't ugly?

It was too dark to see.

Here, we can see better. So look...

And in a trice, we move to using strictly feminine arguments.

Ouch!

- Do you habitually rape men? - Only the rare ones who don't rape me.

Some timid or lazy guys like it, I don't. The end.

At least I'll show you what you're missing.

Give me that key!

Get it yourself!

- There's a storm brewing. - There's trouble ahead.

Let's not add fuel to the fire.

It's going to be tough, old chap.

It'll be tough.

Damn, that girl is beautiful!

That girl is beautiful.

First, don't say everything twice.

Next, action!

Right.

Now, a little exercise.

Order her to get into her car.

Order her to go home.

Order her to stay here if she feels like it.

Make love to her when she wants it.

I'm not someone who obeys, madam!

I'm a man, damn it! At least, I'm trying to be.

And don't think it's that easy, madam.

Finally, don't monologue like a senile old man.

I'm humiliated.

Humiliated.

Do you always chop wood at 3 a.m.?

When my axe itches, I'd rather chop wood than something else.

Look at my foot, look at my knee...

I almost saw your knee here and your foot over there.

It's a rather pretty foot, isn't it?

A pretty knee?

Any normal man would be disturbed.

What are you thinking about right now?

That I'm perfectly positioned to do a judo throw.

- Have you ever desired a woman? - Often.

An easy thing to say. Prove it.

Here's your proof.

I wouldn't entrust my logs to someone I didn't like.

Felix, my son, a piece of advice.

Drop it.

Ouch!

Not the logs, you idiot. The guy!

No, no, no...

You know me. The more one resists me, the more...

It's simple. As long as he isn't at my feet...

Nothing left.

Once he's at my feet...

No mercy.

No mercy at all.

You were very good, you jerk, bravo.

Here.

I can do anything, it cuts no ice with you.

In the country, we don't read the papers.

We're out of touch. We live a bit like animals.

No mercy. No mercy at all.

- Say “O”. - It's childish.

- No. “Ho”, blowing. - At your age!

Is that a new hobby? Saying “ho” in someone's face.

I think I'll sit for a while.

Come here.

How?

As usual. On your hind legs.

You're walking sideways.

I always do. My grandfather was an old crab.

You were a pest but you were pretty.

Now look at yourself.

It's just starting. White now, next you'll be green.

- Where are you going? - Home.

- So you'll stop mocking me. - On foot?

I have a car, as far as I know.

Without a key, as far as I know.

You don't know anything.

So you didn't throw it away?

I did, but as it was fond of me, it came back on its tiny key legs.

- I didn't throw it, you fool. - Good.

These keys can take root. What would I do with a key tree here?

It's time you started obeying me.

You'll leave when I tell you.

You won't drive in that state, and without glasses.

Yes, I will drive in that state.

And without glasses.

I won't let you humiliate me further.

As long as I feel beautiful, I don't care.

Now I want to go home.

So your whole personality fits into a few jars of cosmetics?

Go to hell!

You'll park it more easily now. It's 20 cms shorter.

And you'll get out more easily without a gate.

Two headlights missing.

That's enough, Felicia!

Great. Then there'll be one less creep on earth.

No!

My heart aches.

All my hearts ache.

You're taking advantage of it, you coward. Coward!

Let go of me.

Give me some salted coffee.

I forbid you to look at me.

I'll be back shortly.

My God, what's happening to me?

My God, my God, what's happening to me?

My God, my God, and so on and so forth.

Shit, what's happening to me?

My head burns, my heart races...

My hands are sweaty, I can't hear a thing.

My poor Gaspard, you're quite laughable.

Ah, you big jerk.

What's going on?

Nothing. It's just Daddy singing.

I see.

We're waiting. She's leaving.

Good riddance. Goodbye, Miss. It's over.

No. No!

No!

And no! That would be too easy.

You won't get out of it so easily, Miss!

Miss Felicia.

Miss Felicia...

- Yes? - Dance.

I want to dance.

- You're mad. - I want to. Look!

Feel the sun. I must dance with you.

- Go to bed. You're raving. - No!

I don't want to dance with you.

I want to press you against me, very hard. Dancing is a pretext.

Let me go!

I have seen enough of you.

I detest you.

I despise you.

I just wanted to have a bit of fun.

I have never liked you. I will never see you again.

You are ugly. You are a boor. A real boor.

Maybe. That's too bad. Too bad for you.

You asked for it, you wanted it.

You have it. Now I release the dogs.

The wild dogs in my body that will devour yours.

- Leave me alone, you idiot. - No!

You asked for it, you wanted it, you have it.

You asked for it, you wanted it, you have it.

So come. Come and dance...

You're treading on my feet. You can't even dance. Ouch!

- You're hurting me. - Too bad for you!

You wanted it... You have it!

Let's tread on our feet. Come on, come on!

Ouch!

All right. I'll dance, then. But alone.

I'll show you how to dance. Sit down.

Hey, the stop sign!

In French, are you a cow or a bull?

A cow!

No, silly. I'm pulling your leg.

You don't scare me at all!

Don't mind us, we're together.

Oh dear...

Do you know the fable The Bear and The Doll?

- One day, a bear... - Came across a doll.

Can we imagine two animals less alike?

- The doll said... - The bear got mad.

- And nasty. - Not so.

The doll got angry as well, and ran off.

Realising that he didn't want her to leave,

the bear followed her and, having found her, said...

Do you know the fable The Bear and The Doll?

- One day, a bear... - Came across a doll.

Can we imagine two animals less alike?

Subtitles (Copyright) Ausminx for KG