All language subtitles for King Gary s01e03 The Bunion.eng

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

Stuart. Stuart Williams.
Howdy, neighbour.

God... How you doing?
You all right? Busy?

All right if I have five minutes of
your time? Five minutes? What is it?

So, I'm having a very serious
operation tomorrow -

keyhole, to be 'pecific,

and I'm just letting everyone in
the crescent know the score. Why?

I'd rather not reveal the full
details of the procedure.

No, no, no. Why are you telling
everyone?

Well, I just need to let them know
that their crescent warden will be inactive,

just in case there's an emergency.
"Crescent warden"?

Yeah, crescent warden. It's actually
a thing what I'm doing, as a pillar of the community.

I'm there for people,
for my friends, for my kin,

and I need them to know that I will
be bedridden for two to three weeks

while I convalesce within my house.

What, is it serious, then?

I have a growth.

Gary, I'm so sorry, mate.
Is it treatable?

It's a bunion. Right, so this has
been a complete waste of my time.

No, not a waste of your time, mate.

It's the most serious bunion
the specialist has ever seen.

He said it's probably going to go in
a book or something. Sounds amazing. Yeah, it is amazing.

Enjoy this, whatever you're
doing...in your garage.

Erm...

Argh, argh.
Have you moved that, mate? No.

That's been moved. It's not been
moved. It's definitely been moved. That's not been moved, mate.

What's that? Did you just say sorry?

No, I did not. I thought you said
sorry, mate. No, I didn't.

Bad manners. Idiot.

DIAL TONE

Hello, all right?

Oh, Dad! The pain, mate.

The absolute pain with it all

and the agony within my foot is
real bad. Still a little bit drowsy,

what with the medical stuff
what they've got me on, but...

What do you want?
OK, mate, emergency call-out.

Bromley Sofa Town has been
plunged into darkness.

I'm talking a complete blackout.

I'll give Winkle a call and shoot
over there.

OK, just a little heads-up here,
though, Dad.

Sally, the manager, is a little bit
of a worrier, OK?

She's been through a very serious
break-up, she's 32, she's single...

Am I doing her lights or dating
her?! COMPUTER: Ended.

OK, just hang up, mate. Whatever.

SNIFFLING

Whoa, whoa, whoa, babe, babe.

Tel, you are right, babe?
What's happened?

This is unbelievable, Gal.

I'm just going to have a little sit
cos my leg's gone funny.

Yeah, take a seat, take a seat,
my girl, my world.

Take yourself
a seat. What's going on?

This has been shared on Facebook.

HE EXHALES
It's bad, innit? Yeah.

OK, wow. Ah. OK.

I mean, who'd put up an old clubbing
picture like that, hey?

It's 3am and I look like I'm
totally off my swede at Bestival.

I'm proper spangled. I look
horrendous, Gal. I look...

..like a disco stinker.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No. No-no-no, not in here.

You are no stinker, babe.

You are beautiful in whatever
pickled state you find yourself in.

Thank you.

Who would do that, Gal, eh?
It ain't right.

That's not right. It is, it's...

It's awful. It's awful,
is what it is. Huh?

I'm a member of the PTA, Gal.

I can't have the teachers and other
school mums seeing me like this.

I mean, what about Teddy?

What about Teddy's mates?
Teddy's mates' parents?

I'm friends with Mr Brown
the headmaster on there.

What's he going to think, hey?
Yeah, I know.

This is a serious breach of
protocol.

This is a level-one
FaceyB code violation.

Get yourself over here.
Get yourself over here.

Gal, no, cos I'm going to go.

Babe, you need a cuddle.
You need a cuddle, girl.

Come here. Come here, babe.

Now, who shared this memory?
Who came at you like this?

Who do you think, Gal?

No, no, no.

I didn't think you two were talking
any more.

Going to have to track her down,
Gal. Get her to remove it,

before she may strike again.

Why don't you just message her?
Already have.

And I've seen that she's read it but
she ain't replied.

Read receipt, no reply.
The ultimate head-mash.

And to make it even more
diabolical, Mad Kay,

she's gone and double
shared it, soppy mare.

What's she playing at?
What is she playing...

She's supposed to be your mate!

I mean, I've got five,
potentially six hours,

before peak Facebook feed time.

But I need to move on this
el pronto, babe.

Then go. Go.

I am sorry, babe. I know I should
be looking after you today.

Don't you worry about me,
I'll be tickety-boo right here.

I love you. I love you, too.

Now go. Go, Tel, go. Thank you.

Bye.

DOOR CLOSES

TV VOLUME INCREASES

DOORBELL RINGS

Morning, mate. Hey, you all right?
Sorry, I'm a little banged up. I've just been at home convalescing.

You OK to sign for this?
It's number 39, Stuart Williams.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Ouchy.

Cheers, mate.

TV TURNS ON

DOORBELL RINGS, BANGING AT DOOR

Hey, hey, hey. You nearly took
the door off its hinges.

Are you OK to sign for this for
across the road. I'm in a rush? Yeah, no problem. Who's it for?

Number 39, Stuart Williams.

Can I get your name?
Gary. Gary King.

Actually, on second thoughts,
do I have to sign for this? Well, you just said you would.

Yeah, that was before I knew who it
was for. But I've already put your name. Gary Gary King.

My name isn't Gary Gary King.
Gary isn't my middle name, as well.

I haven't got time for this, mate.
No-one else is in and I've marked you down that you'll accept it,

so you have to sign.

Yeah, all right, OK.

You're supposed to sign in the box,
not just scribble all over it.

Well, my hands are full. Hey, hey.
Mrs Lady! Mrs Lady!

Can you do me one favour? Give
number 39 another knock for me.

No, mate. I've already rung and
banged, there's no-one in.

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

No sign of life, Captain. Hello!

Hello? Hello?

Was that your echo, Winkle?

No, Big Gal. Sounds like a bird.

HE IMITATES PIGEON COOING

Is that a pigeon? Too easy.

Can you do a chaffinch?
I can do all the English ones.

HE IMITATES CHAFFINCH

Chaffinch, first bird of the spring.

I did not know that.

Sorry, er... Shh! Let him finish.

Big Gary King, King's Property
Maintenance. What's occurring here?

Oh, thank you. Thanks for coming
so promptly.

I came in this morning and I tried
to put on the master lights and there's nothing.

Yeah, and you're a little in
the dark about what's happened?

HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Yes. Look, it was fine yesterday.

Have you checked your fuse box?

Yeah, that was the first thing I did
when I came in. It's fine.

You'd be surprised. We could have
a code 700.

A code 700? What does that mean?
Nothing. Don't mean anything.

"It doesn't mean anything!"

Look, I'm confused. Do you want
to look at the fuse box or not? Do you need my torch?

No, I think we'll be all right.
Winkle here eats more carrots than Bugs Bunny.

I don't even like carrots!
BIG GARY IMITATES BUGS BUNNY

What's up, Doc?

My lights, that's what's up, yeah.
They're not working. Look, I really don't have time for this.

Winkle, I want you to go and get as
many of the boys

as possible on this,
throw some serious manpower at it.

Lady, it's in hand.

You have the honour of having
THE best property maintenance man in the game on this job today.

She don't need to know that, Winkle.

She does, she should know,
everyone should.

I want to shout it from the bloody
rooftops!

OK, look. How long is it going
to take for this job to be done?

We'll be done by dusk, EOP today.

"End of play" today.

I know what that means.
Sooner rather than later.

Why, you got a sale on?

HE LAUGHS
I love the way your mind works!

They've always got a sale on,
these places. He's so observant!

I don't like sales, I hate sales!

But I've got to do them to survive!

Are you going to get the lights
fixed and do the damn job?!

Yep.

Mm, you are everything what
I dreamed you would be.

Come on...

DOORBELL RINGS

DOORBELL RINGS

DOORBELL RINGS

What have you got there, mate?

Delivery for number 39,
Stuart Williams.

They didn't tell me they was getting
a new fridge freezer.

Do you live here?
No, but my boy does.

Can you sign for it?
Yeah, course I can.

..He had an operation yesterday.

Nothing serious I hope?

Gary, what are you doing sitting in
the dark? It's like you're 16 again with your mucky video.

Well, I'm trying to enjoy my big
sandwich.

Didn't you hear this man knocking?

What, pray tell, is that?

It's a fridge and a freezer for
Stuart. Just plonk it down here, love.

No, no, no, don't plonk it down
there, mate. I'm not signing for it.

Oh, your mum's already signed for
it. Then unsign it.

That's his third delivery today.

I'm sorry, once signed and
documented I can't unsign it.

I didn't sign for it, she signed for
it. Dump it at her house.

I don't want it cluttering up
my house. You can dump it here.

I'm afraid she signed for this
address, so I have to dump it here.

You're a real piece of work,
you are, mate! Thanks, Mum!

Oh, behave yourself.

Kay.

Oh, no. You haven't come here to get
your toenails done, have you?

I haven't got the big belt sander
in!

SHE LAUGHS

Do us a favour, babe, skedaddle.

Go grab yourself a little frothy
coffee while you're at it, hey?

Ooh! Someone means business.

SHE LAUGHS STUPIDLY

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, no. How funny! How funny...!

How funny is that picture?

Oh, no! Oh, no, it's such a corker!
I've actually missed it.

Yeah, well, actually, I think
it's quite mean to snap unsuspecting revellers

when they're not suspecting it,
so can you please remove it, please? Thank you.

Are you being serious? Yeah.
Oh, is this Serious Terri?

Yes, that's me. What, like really,
really, really?

Like really, really. Really-really.

All right, I'll unshare it. How do
you unshare it? I'll unshare it.

SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Oh, look at it!

Her face looks inside out!

Yes, ha-ha-ha. Yeah, ha-ha.
It was a long time ago.

Have a look at that.
Oh, show the whole place.

She looks like she's been dropped
on her head. Ha-ha-ha.

Babe, can you stop showing that
please. Get it down now. All right, I don't want to fall out about it.

You've got to understand
my predicament, it is so funny.

Yes, I think we've established that,

but can you unshare it immediately
now, please. Time is of the essence.

Jesu!

Is it done? Yes, it is done.
All right, all right.

So I've still got time to get to the
source, then. That's all right.

What, you're going to go and speak
to Jodie Simone?

Yeah. Oh, that will be fireworks.

Whiz, pop, bang, babe. Do you want
me to come with you?

Nah, nah.

I'm going to have to do this on
me jacks.

Nah. Yeah.

Nah. Oh, yeah.

No.

Yeah.

I love work,
I can watch it for hours.

BIG GARY AND WINKLE LAUGH

Oh, it's good to be back, Winkle. I
feel a rush of blood. I feel alive.

"Just when I thought I was out,
they pulled me back in."

WINKLE LAUGHS

It don't have to be one last job,
boss. Come back!

I could do. It ain't no bed of
roses, this retiring lark.

A little part of you dies.
I miss the boys, Winkle.

I miss the banter.
I don't mind admitting it.

I've loved every second. I don't
want it to end, Big Gal. Come back!

Maybe I will. I'll have to run it
past the wife.

A couple of days a week perhaps.
Part-time hours could suit me.

It's great news. Yes! Yes!

Let's get a selfie,
document the occasion.

The old team, back together.
You're a nutter, William boy.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Oh, that's a keeper.

So, you think he's done this on
purpose?

Course he has. He's hitting me
when I'm at my weakest.

Could be another explanation.
Don't jump to conclusions.

Nah, this is clearly some kind
of high jinks.

He knows I'm at home.

Maybe, just maybe, it's an accident
with smaller items,

but for large, white goods,

you make sure you're in for them.

What kind of psychopath
isn't in for them?

You think he thinks you're that much
of a mug?

Oh, yeah. He definitely does.

Then maybe you need to act before
he walks all over you?

OK, Mother.

DOORBELL RINGS

Nah, mate. No, no, no, no...

No way, Jose, am I signing that,
let me tell you.

Enough of it is enough of it.
No more, I'm afraid.

But Mr Williams tell warehouse
to deliver here.

Sorry, I need to drop or I don't get
paid. We have to make delivery.

Yeah, I understand that, pal.

But, right now, someone is trying
to pull my underpants down.

I've just had a very
serious medical procedure,

I'm not even meant to be up
and about on my feet.

It's a miracle I've made it here
out onto the drive.

He has had...a bunion removed.

But Mr Williams, he has nominated
this as his safe place,

so no need to sign.

His "safe place"? Mate, this is far
from being his safe place.

He's taking the
absolute Michael, boy.

He say to leave with Gary King.

He said that? They're his actual
words, are they?

He's going for checkmate, Mum! He's
actually going for checkmate.

Yeah, it's his final move,
but he ain't checked the board.

See, he's got me pegged as a rook,
or a bishop,

but what he don't know
is I'm a queen, mate.

I'm a massive big old queen

and I can go anywhere on the board
where I want.

You leave them boxes here,
all of them.

You just leave them all on
the drive there.

Gary, what are you doing?

Don't you lay down, boy.
Don't you melt.

Oh, I'm not melting, Mum.

I'm ice cold.

Sally, what's happened here?
What's the coup?

Your men, they've gone!

Like, their phones started bleeping
and that was it!

That's highly irregular.
What was said?

Nothing. I tried to stop them but...

Winkle, answers. We need answers.

Get on the blower to anybody and
find out why all my lads were pulled off this job.

I'm on it, Big Gal.

Hello, where the hell are you?

Well, why aren't you at Sofa Town?
Big Gal commands it so!

What?!

I just want my lights fixed,
it's that simple.

I could have got the steps myself! I
could have fixed the lights myself!

Well? It's Little Gal... He's pulled
them all for some emergency job.

What's the plum playing at?
What is actually happening here?

Not just here, Big Gal,
it's the entire firm.

The whole corporation.

Winkle, go and get the big steps,

it looks like me and you are doing
this, kid.

It'll be an honour to serve
with you again, sir.

Gentlemen, thank you
for your speedy arrival.

I'm being pushed and pulled,
kicked whilst down.

I feel like a beached whale,
sat upon the sand,

and I need dragging back into
the surf,

so I can swim amongst my own,

amongst orcas and dolphins and such.

Gal, Gal, your old man's going
potty.

That's not my concern, Wayne.

My concern is this. My loyalists of
soldiers, you have been called here

to help me take my vengeance against
my enemies.

I shall not let the crescent fall,
not tonight.

Do I have your support?
Will you join me in this mission?

Gary. Yes?

Are we getting paid overtime?

Mm-hm, yeah. And we still get paid
time and half?

Mm-hm, yeah. And, Gary, will you
sign the time sheet please?

Yes, Voytek, I will do that for
definite, mate. So, with that, I ask you, boys, are you with me?

Yeah. Yeah.
Let's go to work.

Check...mate.

Gal, call me when you get this,
yeah?

I can't find her, babe.
I'm done for, mate.

It's the end of the road for me.
I have no other choice.

I'm going to have to delete
Facebook.

Erase my entire profile.

18 years' worth of memories,
friends, holiday pals, Christmases.

Gone! Done. Everything. I'm just
going to have to wipe it all.

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

It's over.

Have you been looking for me?

Course I've been looking for you.
What you playing at?

I'm not playing. Putting bits of
cheese out on social media,

hoping I'd come scurrying like
a little mouse.

And you DID come scurrying.
I needed to draw you out.

Yes, but you cannot be putting
pictures of me

up like that on the internet.

I've just joined the PTA,
I'm a valued member of society now,

and I look absolutely munted
in those pictures.

Like, a proper gurn on, like,
rave caviar all round my gob.

I cannot be seen like that,
do you understand?

Don't shout at me.

I'm not...

I'm not shouting at you.

I just...had a few cans
and a jazz fag last night.

I was reminiscing about us and
the things we used to do together.

The festivals, old-school rave-ups

and I found that picture and I just
thought...

..I miss you.

I miss you, too, Mum.

You could have just called me and
told me that or text me.

I haven't seen you in months.

How you doing? You all right?

Yeah, I'm all right, getting by.

Might do all the closing parties in
Ibiza this year, do you fancy it?

Nah, we've booked up to go Portugal
with the family, so...

Much of a party scene out there,
is there?

No, Mum, there's no partying,
it's just relaxing and chilling.

Just take that picture down, yeah?

I will.

Can you lend me a oner?

Yeah, course I will.

Get Gary to ping it over.

SHE LAUGHS

It is a good one, though,
that picture, innit?

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's a corker. Hm.

Nice one, Wink. I enjoyed that.

Nothing like being thrown at it,
hey?

Any chance I can lure you
for a beer?

A bit of hard work's always a good
excuse for a pint.

Or six!

You don't need an excuse, boy,
just being awake's enough for you.

I am a lad!

But, nah, mate. Denise has made me
sausage and mash,

and to be honest, I'm shattered!

Me shoulders are aching and
me knees are throbbing.

Maybe next time. Like next week,
when you're back at it.

Nah, I think today
was a one-off, Wink.

I don't think I've got it no more.

It's graft, it knocks your pipe out.
It ain't in me.

You said you was coming back.

Yeah...I was dreaming, William.

It's a young man's dance, this.

You're the only one who gets me.

Everyone else thinks I'm weird.

HE IMITATES BIRDSONG

House martin.

Right first time.

GUNFIRE ON TV

I love this movie.

Oh, yeah. It's beautiful,
it's a cracker.

To be fair, I love all of
Vin Diesel's stuff.

DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get it. Nah...

..I've got this.

HE CHUCKLES

What's that, an apology?
You taking a knee?

Well, it's just my way of saying
thanks for everything you've done today.

Sorry, sorry, can you just have a
little check for me?

Is there a sign above
my house that says sorting office?

Sorry? The man knows what's going
on here.

You thought you could get me when
I was delibertated

and I proved you that, like a little
injured bird with a bad wing,

I can still fly if tested.

What are you going on about?
How did it feel?

"How did it feel"?

How did it feel this evening when
you got home from work

and you saw those boxes stacked up
on your driveway?

I'd've actually
paid to see your face, mate.

Sorry, I thought you signed
for them all. Yeah, mate, I did.

But I don't legally have to keep
them in my home. I checked online.

Look, let's just face it, mate.

You thought you could have
a practical joke with the master

and you got schooled, boy.

What? No, my mother-in-law
had a fall.

We're actually all
very worried about her.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
That's horrible news. I'm...

Yes, well, I just assumed that our
self-appointed crescent warden,

who I knew would be in,

would be kind enough to take in
our deliveries.

Mm-hm. Interesting, yeah.

So, you're still under the
impression

that your kitchen's in my home

cos I left it out there
on your front drive.

It's not on my front drive.
Is it not? No, where is it?

Well, well, well. That...

That is strange, you know?
Where has that gone?

I don't know. I'm not the one
who left out there.

No, no, I did. You see, I thought
you was testing me.

You know, making moves against me
because I was like ill,

cos I was sort of laid up and what
not. What? Who would do that?

I thought like it was like tactical
warfare,

you know, you're sort of
against each other.

Right, so, you're telling me
my kitchen's been stolen?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean it...
It certainly looks like that.

My guess would be tinkers,
local tinkers.

I mean, they'll take anything
what's not nailed down.

I mean, basically,
they're like road pirates.

Well, if you knew that,
why did you leave it there?

For a joke. Erm...

Oh, mate, you know what?

This is what I'd do if I was in
your situation, call your insurance.

Straightway, Stu,
get back to your house,

call the insurance, tell them
what's happened.

Right, and say what?
I'm making a claim

because my neighbour
thought I sent him

nearly 10 grands' worth of kitchen
as a joke?

So, he left it on my front drive and
now it's been taken by road pirates?

Yeah. Actually, now I've heard it
out loud,

I don't think they're
going to pay you out on that, mate.

Well, this is going to cost me
a fortune, isn't it?

Yep, yeah. It...

Mate, I think it was probably
just medication what I'm on.

Yeah, I sort of... Yeah, you know
what I think?

I've misjudged the situation.

How do I know you won't do anything
like this again?

Well, I can only promise you, mate.

Give you my word, I will never do
anything like this again.

I don't believe you. Convince me.

Honestly, mate, I'm so, so sorry.

I'm... I'm mortified at my
behaviour, I'm disgusted at myself.

Please, I beg of you, Stuart...

Right, I've got the kitchen,
it's in my garage.

Pardon, mate, what? What? Why...?
Why...? What? Why would you do that?

To teach you a lesson...King.

To respect other people's things.

Isn't that the main role of
the "crescent warden"?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right, look...

I've marked your house as "do not
leave" with the delivery companies

and I've had a word with some of
the people round the crescent.

I've warned them not to leave
parcels at your address.

Don't do that. Please don't do that.
I will always take a parcel!

I'll take a parcel every day
of the week and twice on Sundays!

I love taking parcels, mate!
I just thought this was a game!

I'm afraid you can't be trusted.

Sorry, did you say something?

No, nothing.

Enjoy.

By the way,
the word is "debilitated", moron.

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