Original subtitles

I don't need to reinforce how important Saturday is.

It's the cup final, guys. You're on the precipice

of an unheard-of treble.

Teddy, stop chatter-boxing. OK? Stop larking about.

There ain't time for larking about, all right? Sorry, Dad.

It's not "Dad", mate. It's not "Dad".

It's Boss or it's Gaffer while we're here, OK?

Right, tactic-wise...

..pass to Abboussi.

Get the ball to Abboussi. He wants it, he needs the ball, OK?

Should the ball come to your feet, look up.

"Where's Abboussi? Where's Abboussi?"

Keep it calm, keep it collected, but get the ball to Abboussi.

Penalties, Abboussi. Free kicks, Abboussi.

Throw-ins, throw it to Abboussi, OK?

Great stuff. Great... How are you feeling, kid?

Focused and ready for battle.

I like that. OK? Bring it in.

One, two, three...

Badgers!

Aw, just having a glass of wine by yourself, are you? Yeah.

So weird, I never see you in any of my classes or in the actual gym.

Oh, we must have, uh, different schedules, babe, cos it's weird,

cos I was just thinking the same thing

that I never see you in any of my, heh-heh, classes.

I just completed that new intense interval training. Oh yeah? Yeah.

My instructor said I was so advanced

I could actually teach the classes if I wanted to.

Wow. Maybe I could PT you, get you into shape.

Oh, here's Den, I don't think you've met Gary's mum, have you?

Hi, Tel, how're we doing? Hello, Chlo. Hello! All right? Aww.

Oh, class was super intense today, Den. My bottom is still killing me from last week.

I'm not going to put myself through that any more. Now, don't you dare say that!

I'm going to get you along next week,

even if I have to drag you there.

What about that instructor though,

eh? She's a right piece of work, isn't she? Hey?

"Push it harder." Oh. "Push it harder!"

Oh, my God! You're so funny! Ain't she? Honestly.

That voice just slays me every time!

Yeah, yeah, she does it all the time.

So are we still on for Saturday, yeah? Oh, yeah, definitely.

We can have that glass of fizz. Yes!

Anyway, I must dash. I'll see you, Tel. See you, love.

She's so funny!

Isn't she just?

Uh... What's happening Saturday, babe? Nothing, why?

I thought you just said something to Den about Saturday...

Definitely heard the word "Saturday".

Is something happening Saturday?

Something gwaaning on a Saturday night?

No. Not that I can think of.

Nothing.

All right, well, see you later.

Enjoy your vino. All right, ta-ra.

Nice one, Ryan, mate.

All right?

How was your last training session? Amazing, mate. Perfection.

The boys are looking primed, looking the cat's pyjamas out there.

I scored an absolute cracker, didn't I? Tell your dad about it.

Header, top-right. Yeah, top-right, mate,

that's from your own son telling you that.

Yes. Against 9-year-olds.

All right.

Ryan, mate, remember shuttle runs, stretches. Keep yourself limber.

All right? Absolute legend.

Go on, mate, in you go, kid. See you in a bit, Stu, yeah?

So, uh, shame about Abboussi then. What?

Oh, God. I thought you'd be the first to know. No, I, um...

..I bumped into his parents at Marks and Spencer's and, uh,

well, it turns out he's been scouted by, uh, Chelsea, so...

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, you slow down.

It's definitely true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can't play on Saturday.

He can't play on Saturday?!

No, no. I'm sorry you had to hear it from me, but...

That's Judas... That's Judas stuff.

Turncoat! Gary, has it occurred to you that this might be a good thing?

You know, you could try some different tactics for a change.

Maybe play some different players.

I mean, Ryan's not had a game all season. You stick to gardening,

all right, green fingers?

Leave the football management to the professionals.

That's a loser's mentality.

Play Ryan...!

All right... This is what we're going to do.

I can't have you breathe another word of this to anyone.

You need to keep it shtum.

Uh, I think I'm going to tell my own son,

if that's all right with you, Gary.

No, that's the last person I want to know, seriously.

That's the last person you want to know? Ryan, mate, is an absolute gossip.

I love the boy, he's a credit to you both,

but his loose lips will sink ships.

Ryan is not a gossip! Ryan is, mate. Ryan knowing about this

will be catastrophic, all right?

To yourself, Stu-bear. All right, mate? He is not a gossip.

Ryan... He's a... I love the kid. He's a gossip. He's not, Gary.

Mr Abboussi? Gary King here, manager and CEO of the Badgers.

Mr Abboussi, Gary here, Gary King, mate.

Mr Abboussi... Mr Abboussi!

Please, please, I urge you, just give me a call back, yeah?

Gary...King! I know I'm driving you crazy with these messages.

Please give me a call back, all right, mate?

Is it true, boy, about Abboussi? Yeah, looks like it, mate.

I mean, I'm absolutely beside myself. This is great!

Great? I'm in absolute pieces here.

No, this is massive. Right...

..I'm going to give Mick Collis from golf a call

and meet him down the pub

and give him the old double bluff.

I'll tell him I'm betting all me money on the Falcons

to win the Cup final.

He won't say a lot, but he'll put his dough on the Badgers,

not realising you ain't got Abboussi no more! Free money.

Oh, mate, you've not got your money yet,

cos I've still got some systems and strategies...

..what I'm already...already playing. You've got one tactic -

pass to Abboussi, and he's in the wind.

You're done for and everyone knows it. Nah, not true, mate.

Not true at all. You... I've still got...I've still got a...

What else have you got? I mean, what else?

What else have you got?

Secrets.

OK. Good luck.

Hello, Mr Abboussi.

You know, I can't even work out how your mum even knows Chloe.

Honestly, you should've heard them, they were like,

"Oh, you're so good at fitness!" Just ask her. I say just ask her...

No! No, I can't. Then she'll think I care more than I should,

which I don't, by the way.

I did a little bit of digging about on Facey B, right,

and your mum has liked nearly every single post Chloe's ever put.

You know, those silly old posts.

Yeah. Here, look, like this one. Here, look at that. Oh, geez, babe!

"May your pain be champagne." And what a load of old guff that is.

Here, this one.

"Never put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket."

I mean, what does that even mean? I actually quite like that,

it's quite sweet. Terrible. Here, look at this one, this is the worst.

Over a picture of Stevie Wonder.

"If I don't see you, have a great Christmas."

I mean, that's just cruel, I love Stevie Wonder.

Yeah, babe, if you're going to start flashing that thing around

in the pitch black, please, night mode.

Oh, sorry. Seriously. Done, sorry. Baby girl.

Honestly...

..I seriously need my slumber.

My noggin is doing somersaults

about all of this Abboussi chaos, you know?

I know what it is!

Thinking about it, do you remember those Magic Mike tickets

I got for your mum down at the Hippodrome?

I think that's this Saturday.

Do you think they're going to Magic Mike's without me?

I don't know... Because that would be bang out of order.

Your mum knows I love Magic Mike.

OK, babe, I'm sorry,

I'm going to have to throw my tuppence worth here.

I think all of this is just clouds within your imagination.

Like, thoughts equals rainwater.

So, it's like you're getting a tsunami within your...

..within your head. Yeah.

So, what I'd say is please just let those clouds clear,

let the sun shine through and just be brighter and happier in yourself.

You're so right, babe.

Thank you. Go bub-bubs, yeah? No, you're absolutely right. Yeah?

Go sleepy bye-byes, all right? Yeah, yeah, it's probably nothing, is it?

Yeah? OK, baby. Ta, babe.

We've had some complaints about the parking-permit renewal system online.

It's clearly dysfunctional.

We need to get to... Who's this guy?

What's he doing? Oh, sorry, Simon, I might know him. What?!

Hey, everybody, sorry to intrude. I'm Gary King... Gary.

..I need to talk to Mr Abboussi. Gary, Gary, Gary.

Gary, this isn't the place to have this conversation, mate.

Christ. Seriously, mate,

I've called you umpteen times now, I've left messages.

Your son is about to make the biggest mistake of his entire life.

One he will regret for ever and eternity. Clive, could you...?

Yeah, I...I'm sorry, Simon, uh, it's just that Gary's the coach...

Uh, manager! ..of my son's little league team. The Badgers.

We've just had an amazing season where we've won the double.

We won the league on record points.

We're now in a County Cup final.

But it looks like my best player has just abandoned me.

Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on.

No, no, you know, my son has recently been scouted... Poached.

..by Chelsea! Illegal approach. God, Clive, that's incredible!

He could be the new Harry Kane! No, you stay out of it, mate,

you clearly know nothing about football, mate.

Harry Kane is a forward who played for Tottenham.

His son's a defensive midfielder playing for Chelsea.

Nothing is relevant from your mouth. Go back to your notes.

Listen...listen to me.

Clive... Look at me, please, Clive, look at me, please. Clive...

I don't need the world, mate,

I don't even need him for another season.

I need him for 90 minutes.

90 minutes of that magic what he gives us, please! Gary.

Gary, look, for insurance reasons,

he's not allowed to play any other football!

You know, he's not even allowed a kick about the garden.

OK, mate, I'll double it. Whatever Chelsea are paying, I'll double it, out of my own funds.

He's not being paid, he's nine! All right. In that case, please,

I'll make a contract offer now.

Can you write this down for me, please? It's very, very urgent.

Get a fresh page. OK.

I'm offering a three-year contract. �200 a week.

With that, I will give him his shinnies, his boots.

I'll give him 60% of his image rights.

Get that typed up as soon as possible.

We'll need three copies. Can you be a witness on that, please? Gary,

Gary, no, Gary, look, I am sorry,

right, but...but this is Chelsea, mate, right?

It's life-changing, you know?

It's what he's always dreamed of.

Clive. Yeah? We can't have people just barging in...

Hey, hey, hey. We're in the middle of something here. Shush, please.

It's my meeting! I'm planning... Hey, hey, hey! Hey, Mr Man, Mr Man-Man...

This is irrelevant to a planning parking meeting!

Oh, wow. Here it is!

Here it is.

The wheels of big business just keep on turning

and it's the little man who gets screwed over.

Gary. Yeah, oh, wow. Wowsers. And now it's here.

You're going to try and try and silence me with your goons.

But I shall not be silenced!

I shall not go gentle into that quiet night.

You haven't heard the last of me, Clive! Thank you.

Ah, ow, ah!

I'm the Badgers till I die. Uh...

I'm Badgers till I die

I know I am, I hope I am

I'm Badgers till I die

Badgers till I die!

I'm Badgers till I die

I know I am, I hope I am

I'm Badgers till I die

You know what you've done

You know what you've done

Oh, Clive Abboussi

You know what you've done.

Hello, babe, how's it hanging? All right?

You OK, Terri?

Are you in the right place, or are you lost?

Oh, no, I'm definitely in the right place, sweetcheeks, yeah.

I thought, after you gave it all the apples,

I'd come and give it a go, so, uh, here we are.

Are you sure? Cos it is really intense.

Oh, no, no, don't worry about me, babe, I am amazingly adaptable.

It's weird. Do you know what I mean? Are you wearing a jumper?

Yeah, yeah, always do. Like to layer up

so I really sweat it out, do you know what I mean?

So, anywho... Doing anything nice at the weekend?

Like on, uh, like on Saturday, perhaps? Doing anything?

Hello, everyone. Welcome, people.

My name is Val Callahan. Is anybody new? Do we have any virgins?

Terri's a virgin.

What?

OK, new person, arms in the air. Say what? Arms in the air.

Oh, right. Whoa-a-a, hello. So this here, it monitors heart rate,

time exercising and calories burned.

This is high-intensity class. It lasts no less than 45 minutes.

We combine cardiovascular training with strength,

boxing and martial arts to give you an intense workout.

If you have heart issues, you're pregnant or you're overweight, you should not be in this class. Ah...

OK, people, shall we work it?

Let's start with a nice and easy warm-up. It's high knees.

OK, let's add those arms in and punch it out.

So, uh...

You, uh, didn't say what you were up to at the weekend, babe.

Nothing planned? No, not much.

That's nice, ladies. One fluid motion, nice.

So, uh, no big trip up west then, eh? New person?

This is not a place for chat.

If you're talking, you're not working hard enough.

Sorry, beg pardon. OK, I want everyone down on the floor.

It's mountain climbers.

Hut! To the beat!

So, uh, definitely nothing on then, at the weekend?

More specifically on Saturday? Stop talking to me!

Sorry, it's just...you didn't say

and I thought you might have something nice planned on Saturday or something.

Everyone, get up. I want some burpees. OK, guys,

three, two, one and down.

Slow and steady wins the race.

OK, guys, bring it back to a gentle jog, gentle jog, gentle jog.

And three, two, one and sprawl!

God, I can't even tear this naan, Gal.

So, take me through all this again.

You actually fainted. Oh, yeah. I was out for the count.

Woke up with half the day standing over me.

God, felt like a right fraggle.

Tel, why are you putting yourself through all of this?

I mean, I don't want to come in firm,

but it's just starting to get a little out of hand.

It's playing on my mind, Gal.

I know your mum and Chloe are up to something. What, they...

What, they're just best buddies out the blue, are they?

And if they are going to Magic Mike's without me, I swear...

Babe, babe, babe, babe...

I can see what's going on here.

It's clear as day.

You have Fomo.

You take that back.

I have not got that. How dare you?

I have not got that, Gary.

I am prescribing you as such.

Now I can see it in your eyes,

I could see it in the beating of your heart,

it's coursing through your very veins.

Terri, you are riddled with Fomo, babe. No.

And you need to Elsa this thing and let it go. I can't, Gary, I can't.

I can't bear the thought of other people

having a really nice time without me.

It's like a crippling disease within me.

Then what are you going to do?

Are you going to go to every party?

Every christening? Every wedding? Every funeral that there is? No.

You may be missing out on some stuff, course you are,

but all of those parties, all of those events

are missing out on you being there

and that is the greatest shame of all,

that you can't be at everyone's special occasion.

Thanks, babe.

You're my baldy, you are. This is the only place I need to be.

Love you. I love you.

All right? What's this? Date night?

What you doing here? Spending my winning bet money, aren't I?

Having a takeaway. Ooh, you ain't won just yet, all right?

Now, listen, take a seat, I need to speak to you both

about something very important.

Oh, here we go. No, Gary. Baby.

Mother, father, I have some grave news.

Terri has a severe case of Fomo.

What's Fomo? Fear of missing out.

Sounds like a load of old poppycock to me.

Hey! Don't be Fomo-phobic, mate.

Can that, seriously, pal. All right?

I'm having that, not in front of her, not in here.

What's bought this on, Tel? Don't know, just your new friendship

with Chloe and what you're doing tomorrow without me.

Chloe? I've been trying to swerve that one.

She's a bit of a strain, to be honest.

I was just being cordial. Really?

And what about Magic Mike's then? Magic Mike's?

Oh, sorry, Tel, I gave those tickets away ages ago

to Elaine and Big Nose Helen.

Can I get my takeaway now? Sorry, um...where's Teddy?

I dropped him off Stuart's.

Why's he going Stuart's?

Well, he's gone a sleepover. All the boys from the team have gone.

Sleepover? All the boys have gone for a sleepover, have they?

I'm raging here!

Oh... I can't... I'm dumbfounded, babe! Really?!

I mean, really?

A sleepover? They'll be knackered!

I mean, he's got some acorns, hasn't he, Stuart?

Son, you lost Abboussi, you've got no chance. Relax.

Relax? Ha! Relax! No...

..to relaxing. I'm going round there.

I'm having it out with him right now.

Stuart. Stuart Williams, mate.

Everything OK?

No, I think we're a long, long way from OK.

What is going on in there?

Well, the boys are just having a sleepover,

like it's a hotel before the cup final.

I don't care what it is. I am closing this debacle down.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no way, mate.

Now, look at this. Oh, mate, this is like the last days of Rome!

Sugary snacks, highlevel carbs, girls?!

They're my daughters.

Right, I'm going to call some Ubers.

Who lives near each other here? Who lives east?

I should know your addresses. Gary, you're overreacting.

Overreacting? Really, mate? Do you think I am? Yes.

Your loopy antics are jeopardising each and every one of their lives.

What are you doing?

I don't know how to do multiple Uber bookings,

so I'm just going to call Station Cars.

I'll call Station Cars. I think, Gary, just take a minute, OK,

and think about what you're doing.

OK, fine. Go on, I think I know what you're saying.

Let's take this to a vote.

Right, I feel a little let down by all of this.

I'm not blaming you guys.

I'm blaming...Stuart here.

That's who my blame is with.

But I'm upset. I'm a little upset about...

That you lot went along with it.

I'm prepared to wipe my mouth, draw a line under it

and let's just get ready for the big game.

Who wants to go home and get ready for the big game tomorrow?

Who wants to go home? That's a question to you all.

Well, I think it's a fairly clear, I think they'd, uh... Mate,

just let them. They're thinking.

They're thoughtful boys.

Sorry. In there... Francesco, was that your hand up, mate?

Tony? Little Tone? Hands up if...

I mean, I think that's pretty clear, isn't it?

I think they, uh, they want to stay.

Teddy, mate, do you want to call it a night?

Could go back home, get ready for the game.

Really? OK.

Ryan? What about you, mate? Do you want to get yourself home?

He lives here, Gary.

Right, nice one. So, what have I got here? A dressing room mutiny?

This is pathetic. Really? Is it, mate?

All of you, enjoy your sleepover.

Lay here tonight in your sleeping bags of deceit.

You lie there in bed and think, "Oh, you know what?

"We let Gary King down and he was a good man."

Sorry, mate, out the way, please.

Gary, you're being absolutely ridiculous.

I'm being ridiculous, am I? Yes, you are.

Yeah, is this ridiculous? Yeah, that is.

Yes, that is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen.

Boys, when you're lying in your sleeping bags,

do not think of him, OK?

Right, finally.

First off, I...I want to apologise.

We all said horrible, mean things last night.

Things I'm sure what we all regret.

So, I, for one, will stand here as a man and say sorry.

And I accept all of your apologies, thank you.

We're going to play six-three-one.

Ryan, you start up front.

For the rest of you, it's defend, defend, defend.

Let us park the bus.

We're going to aim for penalties. Let's suck the life out of the game.

But, Dad, we need Abboussi. We can't win without him.

Is that what you all think?

Let me tell you something.

In life, there is not always going to be an Abboussi around

to shoulder the burden for you.

Sometimes, you've got to have a little go at greatness by yourself.

You've got to have a run at things and say, "I can do this.

"I don't need anyone else.

"I've got this."

It doesn't matter about Abboussi.

It doesn't matter about anyone else in the world.

What I want from you boys is to look at the boy next to you

and say, "This kid here, he's my mate.

"He's my team-mate."

If you can go out there today, on that pitch,

and you can try your best,

no-one ever, ever can hold a mirror up to you and say,

"You're not good enough".

Cos you've given it all you've got.

I look around this dressing room

and I see fine young soldiers...

..ready to go out there and do something pretty special.

Now, I believe you boys can win this game.

What I ask you is, do you believe in yourselves?

Yeah!

Do you think we can win this game without Abboussi?

YEAH!

Do we need Abboussi?

NO! Who are we?

Who are we? BADGE-E-E-ERS! BADGERS!

I've, uh, told him no, but he insists he wants to play.

Get, get him changed. Get him changed, Clive.

In his kit, straight away.

OK, we're going to back to plan A - pass the ball to Abboussi.

Ryan, you're benched again, son.

But you will get a game. He will get a chance.

Abboussi's back, everyone. Abboussi's back.

That's it, to Abboussi. Look, he's open!

He's got fields of space there!

Use your noggins, kids. You said he quit. What's he doing out there?

He had a change of heart. Think he felt he owed me something.

Look, I've gone in heavy on the other team. I mean, double heavy.

You promised me he'd left. Mate, it was never written in stone.

This thing was always going to be touch and go.

Stop talking in cliches, you absolute marrow.

You better do something, double lively.

I cannot lose to Mick Collis!

Oh, sort yourself out, Dad.

Lovely, Abboussi. Go on, son!

At 'em, at 'em!

Oh, unlucky. Unlucky.

You're still a million dollars, kid. Amazing stuff.

Doesn't feel at all...hollow, all this, Gary? After your big speech?

Bit empty? Stuart, I don't know what you think is going on here, mate.

I've got a job to do. I've got to concentrate on trying to win a game of football. I'm a manager.

Yes, of course. Sorry, Gary,

I forgot it's all about winning at all costs with you, isn't it?

I'm so sorry. Abboussi, son, that's it! Go with it. Take 'em.

Yes, boy. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Eat that, you maggot! Yes, mate!

Yay! Yay! Yes!

Yes! Ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha! Oh, mate!

Falcons? More like idiots.

Nice strike, Clive. Lovely that, wasn't it? Oh, lovely.

Ryan. Yes, gaffer? Get yourself ready, mate, you're going on.

Really? Yeah, come on.

Ref! Change, mate, making a change.

Abboussi! Coming off. Go on, Ryan.

Good game, good...good...

Yeah, no... Ryan, they're going that way, mate.

OK, don't worry about it.

Even in the jaws of defeat, we've got something.

Remember, we're a team.

Still a little way to go.

You all right? Nah.

Look, I know it's hard to lose like that, babe, you know.

But at least you got three goals and...

I mean, I know they got 23 and it was complete annihilation

but you did the right thing, babe. You really did.

Besides, look, there's always next year.

No, no, there's not.

Board of trustees has sacked me, Tel. Sacked you?!

God, that's a bit strong, isn't it?

Oh, is it cos you broke into Abboussi's dad's offices?

No, no, no, no. Oh, was it because you turned up larruped

to the boys' sleepover and shouted your mouth off? No, no,

they were fine about that.

Match-fixing. They heard about my dad's bet.

Thought that me and him had conjured up the whole thing, together,

rigged the game, what with me taking off Abboussi and everything.

Well, how much did he win?

30 quid. 30 quid?

My legacy is forever besmudged.

Da-da-da-da, not in our house it ain't.

Cos I know a team what needs a manager.

That's our team, OK?

Team us.

Hey? Thanks, poppet.

Fancy a kickabout? Always. Go on, then. Go long, go long,

you know what to do. Go long!

To Mumma's feet, Mumma's feet, Mumma needs it.

Yes. Go on. Oh...

Dad! Go on! Go on, Ted!

ALL: Ye-e-e-e-es!

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