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[puppet]
Previously on Kidding...
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00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:08,859
[Will] Do you believe
you could turn back time?
3
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:09,859
That's absurd.
4
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:10,984
I think we should fuck.
5
00:00:11,067 --> 00:00:12,526
I serve a higher
moral authority:
6
00:00:12,609 --> 00:00:13,943
the children of Japan.
7
00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:14,984
[New Pickles-san]
Stop! Stop! Stop!
8
00:00:15,067 --> 00:00:16,442
[Deirdre] Yes! Yes!
9
00:00:16,526 --> 00:00:18,067
[man] Scott is entitled
to half.
10
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:19,526
What is divorce?
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00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:21,234
Divorce is when
a husband and a wife
12
00:00:21,317 --> 00:00:23,526
decide they don't want to be
married to each other.
13
00:00:23,609 --> 00:00:24,901
See you at the bottom.
14
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,150
[indistinct chatter]
15
00:00:28,234 --> 00:00:31,150
[gentle music playing on TV]
16
00:00:31,234 --> 00:00:33,317
♪♪♪
17
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,317
♪ singing in Tagalog ♪
18
00:00:36,401 --> 00:00:41,401
♪♪♪
19
00:00:57,025 --> 00:01:00,109
Divorce is for the best.
20
00:01:03,359 --> 00:01:05,359
speaking Tagalog
21
00:01:38,901 --> 00:01:42,401
[people clamoring]
22
00:01:42,484 --> 00:01:45,275
[man shouting indistinctly]
23
00:01:45,359 --> 00:01:46,275
No!
24
00:01:46,359 --> 00:01:47,734
Please!
Please, no!
25
00:01:47,818 --> 00:01:50,401
[screaming]
26
00:01:50,484 --> 00:01:51,984
[body crashes, bell jingles]
27
00:01:54,943 --> 00:01:57,901
♪ mysterious music ♪
28
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:02,943
♪♪♪
29
00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:11,943
You got divorced
on national television
30
00:02:12,025 --> 00:02:15,359
before an audience
of mostly children.
31
00:02:15,442 --> 00:02:19,192
Now, do you still think
that was "for the best"?
32
00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:22,025
I do.
33
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,859
Well, what about
the critics who argue
34
00:02:24,943 --> 00:02:28,442
that you singlehandedly
have broken up more homes
35
00:02:28,526 --> 00:02:31,317
than anyone
in the whole of humanity?
36
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,943
Homes don't break.
37
00:02:33,025 --> 00:02:34,651
They change,
38
00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:35,901
like people,
39
00:02:35,984 --> 00:02:37,776
which I truly believe
is for the best.
40
00:02:37,859 --> 00:02:40,025
But what about what happened
in the Philippines?
41
00:02:40,109 --> 00:02:41,275
Was that for the best?
42
00:02:41,359 --> 00:02:42,609
I'm sorry.
43
00:02:42,693 --> 00:02:43,776
What-what happened
in the Philippines?
44
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,025
You don't know what happened?
45
00:02:46,109 --> 00:02:47,859
Here.
Here, here.
46
00:02:48,984 --> 00:02:49,943
[man shouting indistinctly]
47
00:02:50,025 --> 00:02:50,943
No!
48
00:02:51,025 --> 00:02:52,442
Please!
Please, no!
49
00:02:52,526 --> 00:02:54,901
[screaming]
50
00:02:54,984 --> 00:02:57,984
[body crashes, bell jingles]
51
00:02:59,234 --> 00:03:00,901
I wasn't aware
of this incident.
52
00:03:00,984 --> 00:03:04,401
But do you feel responsible
for the death of Phil?
53
00:03:06,359 --> 00:03:07,317
What did you say?
54
00:03:07,401 --> 00:03:10,234
[coughs]
Excuse me one second.
55
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,818
Do you feel responsible
56
00:03:14,901 --> 00:03:17,067
for the death
of Filipino Pickles?
57
00:03:19,192 --> 00:03:22,150
♪ soft music ♪
58
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:27,067
♪♪♪
59
00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:29,317
They threw him off a roof.
60
00:03:29,401 --> 00:03:31,734
♪♪♪
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00:03:31,818 --> 00:03:34,317
He landed
on an ice cream vendor.
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00:03:34,401 --> 00:03:35,943
♪♪♪
63
00:03:36,025 --> 00:03:38,901
Is the ice cream vendor okay?
64
00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:40,734
He may never walk again.
65
00:03:40,818 --> 00:03:43,025
♪♪♪
66
00:03:43,109 --> 00:03:45,943
So there's a chance
he could walk again?
67
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,359
No.
68
00:03:47,442 --> 00:03:51,317
♪♪♪
69
00:03:51,401 --> 00:03:52,567
Where's the funeral?
70
00:03:52,651 --> 00:03:54,526
♪♪♪
71
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,567
There isn't one.
72
00:03:56,651 --> 00:03:58,818
Philippines won't let
Ginoo Pickles' body
73
00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:01,025
be buried
on their soil, so...
74
00:04:01,109 --> 00:04:02,776
♪♪♪
75
00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:06,067
...they have
to bury him at sea.
76
00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:10,609
[no audible dialogue]
77
00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:13,859
[muffled arguing]
78
00:04:13,943 --> 00:04:15,526
Now you want my advice?
79
00:04:15,609 --> 00:04:16,693
A man is dead--
80
00:04:16,776 --> 00:04:17,901
a man I hired!
81
00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,150
I didn't say "advice."
I said "read."
82
00:04:19,234 --> 00:04:20,192
I want your read.
83
00:04:20,275 --> 00:04:21,442
My read is, I was right
84
00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:23,359
about this listening doll,
85
00:04:23,442 --> 00:04:27,025
this death-threat-
receiving machine.
86
00:04:27,109 --> 00:04:28,401
Do you want to send a message?
87
00:04:28,484 --> 00:04:30,234
No, I do not!
88
00:04:30,317 --> 00:04:31,609
Calm down.
Have a seat.
89
00:04:31,693 --> 00:04:32,734
Where?
90
00:04:32,818 --> 00:04:34,526
There is nowhere to sit
91
00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:36,275
in this entire office.
92
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,317
Nowhere.
93
00:04:37,401 --> 00:04:38,567
I thought I had one chair!
94
00:04:38,651 --> 00:04:39,526
No!
95
00:04:39,609 --> 00:04:40,442
No chair.
96
00:04:40,526 --> 00:04:42,901
And look at this mess.
97
00:04:42,984 --> 00:04:44,025
[channels flipping]
98
00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:45,901
Do you want a new iPhone
99
00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:48,234
but your money's all tied up
in your home?
100
00:04:48,317 --> 00:04:50,359
Then you need
a reverse mortgage.
101
00:04:50,442 --> 00:04:52,567
Trust me.
It's not a scam.
102
00:04:52,651 --> 00:04:56,150
Unlocking the hidden equity
in your home is Snaggle-rific.
103
00:04:56,234 --> 00:04:57,359
I'm Stacy Keach,
104
00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:59,234
and Snagglehorse is right.
105
00:04:59,317 --> 00:05:01,567
Together, we're gonna take you
on a trail ride
106
00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:03,901
through the land
of fiscal empowerment.
107
00:05:04,025 --> 00:05:05,693
[Snagglehorse]
Plus, it's just common sense
108
00:05:05,776 --> 00:05:07,109
that anything in reverse
109
00:05:07,192 --> 00:05:10,025
is always twice as fun
as doing it the normal way.
110
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:15,609
The whores have stolen
the children, Deirdre,
111
00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:16,901
on your watch.
112
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,567
Fili-Pickles is dead.
113
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,442
And they're going
to bury him at sea
114
00:05:20,526 --> 00:05:22,234
like some
Pickle bin Laden.
115
00:05:22,317 --> 00:05:23,859
You want my advice?
116
00:05:23,943 --> 00:05:26,943
Do not let Jeff bury that man,
117
00:05:27,025 --> 00:05:30,401
and bring back
my leather couch.
118
00:05:30,484 --> 00:05:31,943
How do you nap?
119
00:05:32,025 --> 00:05:34,776
I don't nap, Dad!
120
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:37,693
And it's not my fault
the Philippines
121
00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:41,401
enforce some militant brand
of Catholicism.
122
00:05:41,484 --> 00:05:43,109
The divorce is on you, though.
123
00:05:43,192 --> 00:05:45,192
Not blaming, just saying.
124
00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:47,275
You do that a lot, you know.
125
00:05:47,359 --> 00:05:48,192
What?
126
00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:49,609
Mistake an opportunity
127
00:05:49,693 --> 00:05:51,943
to be a good father
128
00:05:52,025 --> 00:05:54,317
with an occasion
to shame me.
129
00:05:54,401 --> 00:05:56,484
Every now and then,
just so you know,
130
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,901
I could use
a thumbs-up from you,
131
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,109
since we both know
that "Good job, Dee Dee,"
132
00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:03,567
is too hard to say.
133
00:06:03,651 --> 00:06:06,109
If you want to fix this,
134
00:06:06,192 --> 00:06:09,651
you have to think of Jeff
as a child.
135
00:06:09,734 --> 00:06:12,150
You have to discourage him.
136
00:06:12,234 --> 00:06:13,484
It's fine.
I know what to do.
137
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:21,651
[woman] I told my daughter
that Daddy and I
138
00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:23,109
were just getting
a second house,
139
00:06:23,192 --> 00:06:25,150
but now she knows
it's divorce.
140
00:06:25,234 --> 00:06:26,651
[girl] My mom
broke up with my dad
141
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,234
because of the song you sang.
142
00:06:28,317 --> 00:06:29,984
[man] Wife waiting for me
when I get home.
143
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:32,275
Ambushes me,
says Mr. Pickles is right.
144
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,275
She took everything
but this doll.
145
00:06:34,359 --> 00:06:36,025
You broke up my home, asshole.
146
00:06:36,109 --> 00:06:38,359
I'm gonna fuck you up so bad,
Pickles.
147
00:06:38,442 --> 00:06:41,359
♪ dramatic music ♪
148
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:46,359
♪♪♪
149
00:06:49,859 --> 00:06:51,776
- Hi.
- Hey, pal.
150
00:06:51,859 --> 00:06:53,275
I think I left
my passport here.
151
00:06:53,359 --> 00:06:54,359
Ah!
152
00:06:54,442 --> 00:06:56,359
Finally going
on vacation, huh?
153
00:06:57,442 --> 00:06:59,109
I have to bury
a Filipino Pickle.
154
00:06:59,192 --> 00:07:00,192
Oh.
155
00:07:00,275 --> 00:07:01,859
Well, that's, um...
156
00:07:03,359 --> 00:07:04,484
I'm glad you're here.
157
00:07:04,567 --> 00:07:06,526
Uh, question.
158
00:07:06,609 --> 00:07:09,734
Would you ever coinvest
in a breedable affenpinscher?
159
00:07:09,818 --> 00:07:12,984
They are reliable show dogs,
160
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:16,776
loyal, curious,
famously amusing.
161
00:07:16,859 --> 00:07:18,609
If that's an invite
to trot the circuit,
162
00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:19,901
I feel a team forming.
163
00:07:19,984 --> 00:07:21,067
I support it.
164
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,150
Hey, hey,
second question,
165
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,025
unrelated,
equally important,
166
00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:27,192
if not more so.
167
00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:31,734
Uh, I'm taking Jill and Will
to Hersheypark this weekend.
168
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,943
'Cause I want
to propose to Jill.
169
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:36,317
What do you think about that?
170
00:07:37,609 --> 00:07:38,734
[sighs]
171
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:41,693
Um...
172
00:07:41,776 --> 00:07:44,693
I think...
173
00:07:44,776 --> 00:07:47,401
Does, uh, Will have
to be there to witness it?
174
00:07:47,484 --> 00:07:48,734
I mean,
175
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:50,025
I'd like him to be.
176
00:07:50,109 --> 00:07:51,651
Oh, sure.
177
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:53,526
[laughs]
178
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,776
This hug is complicated
179
00:07:57,859 --> 00:08:00,609
but...
180
00:08:00,693 --> 00:08:02,150
- genuine.
- Thank you, man.
181
00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:05,401
Hey, I loved
the divorce episode.
182
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:06,776
Thanks.
183
00:08:06,859 --> 00:08:08,943
I think it's what killed
the Filipino guy.
184
00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:10,693
Mm.
Can't win 'em all.
185
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,442
Liver brothers forever!
186
00:08:23,192 --> 00:08:25,275
Hersheypark this weekend, huh?
187
00:08:25,359 --> 00:08:26,818
[chuckles]
188
00:08:29,484 --> 00:08:30,609
I need to get my passport.
189
00:08:30,693 --> 00:08:32,401
Hey, are you and Peter
190
00:08:32,484 --> 00:08:34,651
investing in a show hound?
191
00:08:34,734 --> 00:08:36,567
He has his heart set
on an affenpinscher.
192
00:08:36,651 --> 00:08:37,984
But little does he know
193
00:08:38,067 --> 00:08:39,943
that I have my hand
on the tail
194
00:08:40,025 --> 00:08:41,818
of a horse-haired schnauzer
named Wunderbar.
195
00:08:41,901 --> 00:08:42,901
[chuckles]
196
00:08:42,984 --> 00:08:44,150
Big, thick whiskers
197
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:45,901
and a scrotum you could
wind your watch to.
198
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,025
You have a gift, you know?
199
00:08:48,109 --> 00:08:49,359
You tried to manslaughter him,
200
00:08:49,442 --> 00:08:51,109
and now you're going halfsies
on a schnauzer.
201
00:08:51,192 --> 00:08:52,484
I mean, to be fair,
202
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:56,693
we haven't committed
totally to a breed.
203
00:08:56,776 --> 00:08:58,401
Great guy, Peter.
204
00:09:00,109 --> 00:09:01,359
I like him.
205
00:09:02,901 --> 00:09:05,275
Enjoy the chocolate park.
206
00:09:05,359 --> 00:09:06,442
I don't know if I can go.
207
00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:08,025
I'm supposed to work
a Sunday shift.
208
00:09:08,109 --> 00:09:09,442
Oh, no, no, no.
209
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:11,651
You should
take the time off.
210
00:09:11,734 --> 00:09:13,526
No one ever regrets a vacation.
211
00:09:13,609 --> 00:09:16,526
Passports are in that thing
in the closet.
212
00:09:18,109 --> 00:09:19,192
Wait, you know what?
213
00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:20,275
I'll just grab 'em.
214
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,192
The-the closet's a mess.
215
00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:24,901
♪ soft music ♪
216
00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:28,859
♪♪♪
217
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,150
- Everything okay?
- Yep!
218
00:09:30,234 --> 00:09:31,776
They are right here.
219
00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:35,567
[sighs]
220
00:09:35,651 --> 00:09:37,275
Not gonna ask me
where I'm going?
221
00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:39,067
[Peter] Jill,
can you spot me on the ladder?
222
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,526
Hopefully somewhere relaxing.
223
00:09:40,609 --> 00:09:45,192
♪♪♪
224
00:09:45,275 --> 00:09:46,192
[Havana] Sorry.
225
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:47,901
When my parents
are upset,
226
00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:50,109
they only speak Tagalog.
227
00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:52,317
What were they yelling about?
228
00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:54,192
I guess your dad
killed a guy?
229
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:55,275
Hmm?
230
00:09:55,359 --> 00:09:57,317
Ooh, Will!
Win me some Skitties!
231
00:09:58,484 --> 00:10:00,442
Yeah, Will,
win her some Skitties.
232
00:10:00,526 --> 00:10:02,150
No, I'm okay.
233
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,401
I don't want this.
234
00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:05,275
They're Skittles,
not Skitties.
235
00:10:05,359 --> 00:10:06,526
My sorrys.
236
00:10:06,609 --> 00:10:07,567
Your what?
237
00:10:07,651 --> 00:10:09,484
If you guess how many
are in the "vahse"...
238
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,567
- "Vayse."
- ...we get all the Skitties.
239
00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:13,317
Why do you want these?
240
00:10:14,776 --> 00:10:16,901
Hmm.
241
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,401
I'm gonna say...
242
00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:23,025
if one Skittie occupies
a full cubic centimeter
243
00:10:23,109 --> 00:10:25,734
and the volume
of your Skittie container
244
00:10:25,818 --> 00:10:28,359
equals pi times the radius
times the height--
245
00:10:28,442 --> 00:10:30,609
6,765.
246
00:10:30,693 --> 00:10:34,442
6,765 Skittles.
247
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:35,818
Just write that down.
248
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:37,025
Enjoy.
249
00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:38,859
Taste the motherfucking
rainbow.
250
00:10:40,234 --> 00:10:41,401
Wait.
251
00:10:41,484 --> 00:10:43,734
Are you sure
that's the number?
252
00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:44,943
Fuck you, Will.
253
00:10:45,901 --> 00:10:46,859
Fuck you, Cassidy.
254
00:10:46,943 --> 00:10:49,693
♪♪♪
255
00:10:49,776 --> 00:10:51,067
[both slurp]
256
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,693
I think I'm magic.
257
00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:55,776
Go on.
258
00:10:55,859 --> 00:10:58,150
So you know that old
library book I got
259
00:10:58,234 --> 00:11:00,776
on math and mysticism
and the universe?
260
00:11:00,859 --> 00:11:04,359
Well, when I saw my mom
hand my dad the divorce papers,
261
00:11:04,442 --> 00:11:06,984
I, uh-I read about
how to turn back time
262
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,651
so they'd get back together.
263
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,442
Uh, are you guys
drinking drugs?
264
00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:12,150
We're having high tea.
265
00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:13,442
- Long live the queen.
- [teacups clink]
266
00:11:13,526 --> 00:11:15,776
I think what I did
is really working.
267
00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:18,359
This is a beautiful effort
on your part,
268
00:11:18,442 --> 00:11:21,109
but your dad got divorced
on national TV.
269
00:11:21,192 --> 00:11:22,442
[Skittles clatter]
270
00:11:22,526 --> 00:11:23,651
That doesn't matter.
271
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:26,401
My parents are still
technically single.
272
00:11:26,484 --> 00:11:28,442
I know it's hard
to accept, bud, but--
273
00:11:28,526 --> 00:11:30,359
10946.
274
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:32,901
That was the address
of the kid who had Phil's eyes.
275
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:36,859
6,765 was the number
of Skittles in the vase.
276
00:11:36,943 --> 00:11:39,109
This can't just be
a coincidence.
277
00:11:39,192 --> 00:11:40,984
This is the universe talking.
278
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,109
No, this is coincidence.
279
00:11:43,192 --> 00:11:45,943
Plus, those dates
are going forward in time,
280
00:11:46,025 --> 00:11:47,150
not backwards.
281
00:11:47,234 --> 00:11:48,484
If you're looking
for a sign from God,
282
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:50,609
those numbers
would need to indicate
283
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:52,317
reverse temporal momentum.
284
00:11:52,401 --> 00:11:53,567
I disagree.
285
00:11:54,776 --> 00:11:59,526
♪♪♪
286
00:12:07,776 --> 00:12:09,693
See, the numbers do go down
287
00:12:09,776 --> 00:12:12,609
when you treat them
as numbers, not dates.
288
00:12:12,693 --> 00:12:15,025
I'm confident Will
is turning back time.
289
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,859
Please, explain more.
290
00:12:16,943 --> 00:12:18,776
These numbers, fellow dudes,
291
00:12:18,859 --> 00:12:20,526
are a Fibonacci sequence.
292
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:21,943
What's that?
293
00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:24,693
Fibonacci numbers are
the magic numbers in nature
294
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:26,442
that determine
the order of everything,
295
00:12:26,526 --> 00:12:30,192
from flower petals
to stripes on a tiger.
296
00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:31,526
They're God's numbers.
297
00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:35,025
And they're counting backwards.
298
00:12:35,109 --> 00:12:38,025
I mean, you asked God
to turn back time.
299
00:12:41,109 --> 00:12:42,526
This is the countdown.
300
00:12:42,609 --> 00:12:44,025
♪♪♪
301
00:12:44,109 --> 00:12:45,234
You hacked space and time.
302
00:12:45,317 --> 00:12:46,234
Whoa.
303
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:47,234
Uh, Will?
304
00:12:47,317 --> 00:12:48,818
Your dad is here
to pick you up.
305
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:50,025
It's working.
306
00:12:50,109 --> 00:12:51,901
He picks me up all the time.
307
00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:54,275
Will, we gotta go.
308
00:12:54,359 --> 00:12:55,693
We gotta catch a plane.
309
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,192
Where are we going?
310
00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,150
The middle
of the South China Sea.
311
00:12:59,943 --> 00:13:01,067
[sighs]
312
00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:03,984
♪ spacey music ♪
313
00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:09,109
♪♪♪
314
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,901
[text message whooshes]
315
00:13:16,984 --> 00:13:18,901
Mom's wondering where I am.
316
00:13:20,943 --> 00:13:22,609
Tell her the truth.
317
00:13:28,442 --> 00:13:30,025
You have a pretty cool job.
318
00:13:33,442 --> 00:13:37,109
You know, one day, this could
be your pretty cool job.
319
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,359
What do you mean?
320
00:13:39,442 --> 00:13:42,067
I've handpicked
three of the kindest,
321
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:44,943
most selfless people
from all over the world,
322
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,150
including Herr Gherkin
von Deutschland back there...
323
00:13:50,317 --> 00:13:54,067
...to protect and nourish
the world's children.
324
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,567
Pickles are men and women
325
00:13:55,651 --> 00:13:58,067
selected for
their high moral caliber,
326
00:13:58,150 --> 00:13:59,901
a parliament of the righteous
327
00:13:59,984 --> 00:14:02,109
who don't drink, use drugs,
328
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,442
invoke bad
or discouraging language,
329
00:14:04,526 --> 00:14:05,776
and they don't have sex
330
00:14:05,859 --> 00:14:08,150
unless they're in
a loving relationship.
331
00:14:08,234 --> 00:14:09,317
Like priests?
332
00:14:09,401 --> 00:14:10,567
Yeah.
333
00:14:10,651 --> 00:14:12,484
But for children.
334
00:14:13,984 --> 00:14:16,150
I see that same
goodness in you.
335
00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:19,359
I see that potential
to shape the world.
336
00:14:21,943 --> 00:14:23,943
No matter what happens
with your mom and I,
337
00:14:24,025 --> 00:14:25,859
I'll always be your father.
338
00:14:25,943 --> 00:14:28,442
And you'll always be both
339
00:14:28,526 --> 00:14:30,150
a Piccirillo...
340
00:14:31,693 --> 00:14:33,776
...and, if you want...
341
00:14:33,859 --> 00:14:34,859
a Pickles.
342
00:14:34,943 --> 00:14:36,901
We are a family.
343
00:14:38,901 --> 00:14:40,567
Welcome to that family.
344
00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:46,359
Can Pickles
do magic tricks?
345
00:14:46,442 --> 00:14:48,442
You can be the first.
346
00:14:48,526 --> 00:14:49,776
Want me to tie that?
347
00:14:49,859 --> 00:14:50,943
I know how.
348
00:14:56,317 --> 00:14:58,776
[Seb] Is that the crew
from 60 Minutes?
349
00:14:59,984 --> 00:15:01,025
[sighs]
350
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,234
They've seen him
at his worst.
351
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:03,943
They should see him
at his best.
352
00:15:05,651 --> 00:15:08,025
I'm sorry
for what I said earlier.
353
00:15:08,109 --> 00:15:11,025
You're doing a better job
than I expected you to.
354
00:15:12,025 --> 00:15:13,776
Why do you have
to qualify that?
355
00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:19,442
♪ taps playing on violin ♪
356
00:15:19,526 --> 00:15:24,526
♪♪♪
357
00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:38,609
speaking Hausa
358
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,984
speaking Swedish
359
00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:47,776
[nose squeaks]
360
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:53,818
speaking French
361
00:15:58,275 --> 00:16:00,234
speaking a Chinese language
362
00:16:06,401 --> 00:16:08,150
See you at the bottom.
363
00:16:15,359 --> 00:16:18,067
We offer this prayer
for our dear loved one,
364
00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:19,401
Ginoo Pickles,
365
00:16:19,484 --> 00:16:24,067
who has left this world
and is returning to you.
366
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,818
speaking Tagalog
367
00:16:33,609 --> 00:16:38,025
As we commit this man
to the sea,
368
00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:40,776
the water will fill
the barrel's bunghole...
369
00:16:40,859 --> 00:16:43,275
Yes, that's really
what it's called.
370
00:16:43,359 --> 00:16:46,526
...and slowly sink
our beloved friend
371
00:16:46,609 --> 00:16:48,275
to his final resting place
372
00:16:48,359 --> 00:16:52,025
on the floor
of the sanctuary of the sea.
373
00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:19,734
A devoted husband, father--
374
00:17:19,818 --> 00:17:22,109
[man whispering]
Traitor.
375
00:17:22,192 --> 00:17:23,567
A devoted father...
376
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:24,484
[man whispering]
Murderer.
377
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,859
...and husband
378
00:17:26,943 --> 00:17:28,609
who acknowledged,
by the actions that he took...
379
00:17:28,693 --> 00:17:30,067
Uh-oh.
380
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,192
What?
381
00:17:31,275 --> 00:17:32,734
I'll meet you
in the life raft.
382
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,442
We have to get up
every day
383
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:36,567
and take a leap of faith.
384
00:17:36,651 --> 00:17:37,526
Leap?
385
00:17:37,609 --> 00:17:39,025
He was thrown off a roof!
386
00:17:39,109 --> 00:17:40,776
Señor Pepinillo, please.
387
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,984
We are contractually obligated
to repeat what you say.
388
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:45,025
When you speak,
you are speaking for all of us.
389
00:17:45,109 --> 00:17:47,818
Will you not stop
until you get all of us killed?
390
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:48,859
- That's right!
- [nose squeaking]
391
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,859
Smorgas Gurka,
that's not true.
392
00:17:50,943 --> 00:17:52,150
And you don't have
to honk like that.
393
00:17:52,234 --> 00:17:53,901
speaking a Chinese language
394
00:17:53,984 --> 00:17:57,359
You don't mean that...
Chinese Pickles.
395
00:17:57,442 --> 00:17:58,401
Uh, uh...
396
00:17:58,484 --> 00:17:59,734
I'm sorry.
I forgot your name.
397
00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:02,609
His sister
touched my brother's penis!
398
00:18:02,693 --> 00:18:04,025
[crowd gasps]
399
00:18:04,109 --> 00:18:05,734
Now he is missing.
400
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,234
I don't even know
if he is alive.
401
00:18:08,317 --> 00:18:09,651
What?
No, I-I...
402
00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:11,025
[pickle smacks]
403
00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:12,359
All right, who did that?
404
00:18:12,442 --> 00:18:14,567
Who threw that?
Who threw that?
405
00:18:14,651 --> 00:18:17,150
speaking Tagalog
406
00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:19,734
We all have to take
a "calm me down" breath.
407
00:18:19,818 --> 00:18:21,859
How about
a "go fuck yourself" breath?
408
00:18:21,943 --> 00:18:23,776
[all shouting]
409
00:18:23,859 --> 00:18:24,859
[Will] Stop!
410
00:18:24,943 --> 00:18:25,859
Stop!
411
00:18:25,943 --> 00:18:28,067
Stop it!
412
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:31,150
speaking Spanish
413
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:35,984
- [pickle smacks]
- Shut up, kid.
414
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,442
This is not who we are.
415
00:18:37,526 --> 00:18:38,984
This is not who we are!
416
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,067
[all shouting angrily]
417
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:41,192
If you are not a Pickle,
418
00:18:41,275 --> 00:18:43,776
then I am not a Pickle.
419
00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:47,943
[cheers and applause]
420
00:18:48,025 --> 00:18:50,109
Señor Pepinillo,
por favor, no.
421
00:18:50,192 --> 00:18:51,609
Sí.
422
00:18:51,693 --> 00:18:54,776
[all shouting angrily]
423
00:18:59,943 --> 00:19:01,401
Coward.
424
00:19:01,484 --> 00:19:04,651
[shouting continues]
425
00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:06,025
Dad!
426
00:19:07,275 --> 00:19:08,609
- What do we do?
- [Herr Gherkin] Look!
427
00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:10,651
I found a crate of vodka!
428
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:11,484
[crowd cheering]
429
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,943
Didn't you hear?
430
00:19:13,025 --> 00:19:14,109
Their god is dead,
431
00:19:14,192 --> 00:19:15,401
priests are thirsty,
432
00:19:15,484 --> 00:19:17,859
and this ship is
about to dock in Gomorrah.
433
00:19:17,943 --> 00:19:19,734
No one can help us now.
434
00:19:19,818 --> 00:19:22,401
[bottles clinking]
435
00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:25,025
Vodka for everyone!
436
00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:26,818
No.
No.
437
00:19:26,901 --> 00:19:28,651
[crowd cheering]
438
00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:38,150
I'm sorry I brought you
on this trip.
439
00:19:38,234 --> 00:19:39,984
I'm not.
440
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,150
[sighs]
441
00:19:41,234 --> 00:19:43,317
I think I finally
killed somebody.
442
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,275
No.
443
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:46,984
You didn't do anything wrong.
444
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:48,859
You told the truth,
445
00:19:48,943 --> 00:19:51,943
in song with puppets.
446
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,401
Gravity killed him.
447
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:54,901
Thanks for saying that.
448
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:59,651
♪ mysterious music ♪
449
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:04,734
♪♪♪
450
00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:08,651
Dad, I know how this
is going to sound, but...
451
00:20:08,734 --> 00:20:10,484
it's going to be okay.
452
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,484
All of it.
453
00:20:12,567 --> 00:20:15,651
I think I know how I can put
everything back the way it was.
454
00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:17,109
Mom's getting remarried.
455
00:20:17,192 --> 00:20:18,067
What?
456
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,943
Peter is gonna propose.
457
00:20:21,025 --> 00:20:22,526
Actually,
458
00:20:22,609 --> 00:20:24,192
it's probably happening
right now.
459
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:30,109
[bell dinging]
460
00:20:30,192 --> 00:20:31,859
No!
461
00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:34,693
Who wants to see a magic trick?
462
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,275
I will now
463
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,693
make this can of beer
464
00:20:38,776 --> 00:20:40,109
disappear.
465
00:20:40,192 --> 00:20:42,192
[crowd cheering]
466
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:43,317
- [grunts]
- [Deirdre] No!
467
00:20:43,401 --> 00:20:44,776
No, no!
No!
468
00:20:44,859 --> 00:20:46,109
Inappropriate.
469
00:20:46,192 --> 00:20:47,150
Hey!
470
00:20:47,234 --> 00:20:48,359
No.
No drinking.
471
00:20:48,442 --> 00:20:49,526
[glass shatters]
472
00:20:49,609 --> 00:20:53,359
[hip-hop music blaring
over stereo]
473
00:20:53,442 --> 00:20:55,818
[Baba Pickles] Look out below!
474
00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:58,025
- [Deirdre] Ah!
- [loud crash]
475
00:20:58,109 --> 00:20:59,484
Pardonnez-moi.
476
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:00,776
Peanuts do not go
to space, Deirdre.
477
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:01,776
They are legumes.
478
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:03,693
[Australian Pickles]
Oi, and Guitar Gary
479
00:21:03,776 --> 00:21:05,234
will never possess
the boundless joy
480
00:21:05,317 --> 00:21:08,776
nor the rough-and-tumble wit
of Ukulele Larry.
481
00:21:08,859 --> 00:21:10,317
We had to adapt.
482
00:21:10,401 --> 00:21:11,859
There was not a lot
we could do,
483
00:21:11,943 --> 00:21:13,275
given the time constraints
484
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,234
of a global
production schedule.
485
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:16,192
Is called a prenup.
486
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,567
It is not rocket science.
487
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,984
And if it was rocket science,
488
00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:20,776
it would not be performed
by a legume!
489
00:21:20,859 --> 00:21:24,025
Legumes can perform
all sorts of tasks!
490
00:21:24,109 --> 00:21:26,192
Maybe if you had performed
a few more tasks,
491
00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:27,776
your husband
would not have left you.
492
00:21:29,651 --> 00:21:30,901
Is this glue?
493
00:21:30,984 --> 00:21:32,150
Are you gluing again?
494
00:21:32,234 --> 00:21:33,526
It's sunscreen.
495
00:21:33,609 --> 00:21:34,734
So the rumors are true.
496
00:21:34,818 --> 00:21:35,901
She glues.
497
00:21:35,984 --> 00:21:37,109
[Señor Pepinillo]
We are a giraffe!
498
00:21:37,192 --> 00:21:39,567
- [crowd cheering]
- Fuck all of you!
499
00:21:39,651 --> 00:21:41,567
[both grunt]
500
00:21:41,651 --> 00:21:43,067
Fuck you!
501
00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:46,526
[indistinct chatter]
502
00:21:48,609 --> 00:21:49,734
Is this waterproof?
503
00:21:49,818 --> 00:21:51,609
Uh, I don't know.
504
00:21:51,693 --> 00:21:53,275
- [Deirdre] Hmm.
- That's a good question.
505
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,150
Let me see.
506
00:21:55,693 --> 00:21:57,526
- [phone dings]
- [water splashes]
507
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,150
- Anything else?
- [water splashes]
508
00:22:01,234 --> 00:22:02,609
[indistinct chatter]
509
00:22:02,693 --> 00:22:04,234
- [Deirdre] Ugh.
- [nose squeaks]
510
00:22:04,317 --> 00:22:05,609
No.
511
00:22:06,651 --> 00:22:07,693
You're very cute.
512
00:22:07,776 --> 00:22:09,067
Thank you.
513
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:10,859
I find you attractive as well.
514
00:22:10,943 --> 00:22:12,693
I'm sorry to hear about
what happened to your brother.
515
00:22:12,776 --> 00:22:13,901
[sighs]
516
00:22:13,984 --> 00:22:16,609
We were close.
I miss him.
517
00:22:16,693 --> 00:22:19,192
He could puppet a horse
with his genitals.
518
00:22:19,275 --> 00:22:21,651
Maybe, uh, one day you, too,
519
00:22:21,734 --> 00:22:23,317
could puppet a horse
with your genitals.
520
00:22:23,401 --> 00:22:25,025
No, not me.
521
00:22:25,109 --> 00:22:27,234
I didn't even want this job.
522
00:22:27,317 --> 00:22:29,150
But the Japanese Pickle Code
523
00:22:29,234 --> 00:22:32,275
is a byzantine web
of obligation.
524
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:33,901
If a Pickles-san goes missing,
525
00:22:33,984 --> 00:22:37,651
the next of kin
must assume the role.
526
00:22:37,734 --> 00:22:40,651
They dragged me out of bed
and put the tie on me!
527
00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:43,901
Is it true
that all Pickles-sans
528
00:22:43,984 --> 00:22:45,776
have to take
a vow of chastity?
529
00:22:45,859 --> 00:22:48,234
I took a vow of chastity?
530
00:22:48,317 --> 00:22:52,859
You know, my first time
in a vessel like this,
531
00:22:52,943 --> 00:22:56,818
we rescued 2,000 children
off the coast of Saigon.
532
00:22:56,901 --> 00:22:58,776
Ooh.
A navy man.
533
00:22:58,859 --> 00:23:01,234
Sebastiano Piccirillo.
534
00:23:01,317 --> 00:23:02,776
I know we've met,
535
00:23:02,859 --> 00:23:06,359
but I like to watch my name
travel up a woman's spine.
536
00:23:06,442 --> 00:23:10,317
I'm sorry, but we were having
a flirtatious conversation.
537
00:23:10,401 --> 00:23:13,359
[Seb] These hands once pushed
a helicopter into the sea.
538
00:23:13,442 --> 00:23:16,234
Imagine what they can do
to a female body.
539
00:23:18,442 --> 00:23:21,067
My name is Pickles-san.
540
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:23,609
You touched my brother's penis.
541
00:23:23,693 --> 00:23:24,984
Prepare to die.
542
00:23:25,067 --> 00:23:26,192
[spits, coughs]
543
00:23:26,275 --> 00:23:28,442
He did not give you consent!
544
00:23:28,526 --> 00:23:29,734
He wanted it!
545
00:23:29,818 --> 00:23:30,943
When are they getting married?
546
00:23:31,025 --> 00:23:33,192
I don't know.
I don't know.
547
00:23:33,275 --> 00:23:35,651
So there's a chance you and mom
can still work things out?
548
00:23:35,734 --> 00:23:37,150
No, that was never
part of the plan.
549
00:23:37,234 --> 00:23:38,693
You two still love each other.
550
00:23:38,776 --> 00:23:39,901
I signed the papers.
551
00:23:39,984 --> 00:23:42,025
Those are just papers.
552
00:23:42,109 --> 00:23:44,609
If she marries someone else,
it's really over.
553
00:23:44,693 --> 00:23:46,192
It's really been over
for a while.
554
00:23:46,275 --> 00:23:48,359
Because you didn't try
hard enough.
555
00:23:48,442 --> 00:23:50,609
You should have been
trying to win her back.
556
00:23:50,693 --> 00:23:53,150
You should have been trying
to keep this family together.
557
00:23:53,234 --> 00:23:54,067
I tried.
558
00:23:54,150 --> 00:23:55,401
I don't want you to try.
559
00:23:55,484 --> 00:23:57,317
I want you to fight!
560
00:23:57,401 --> 00:23:58,609
Hit him with your car again.
561
00:23:58,693 --> 00:23:59,776
No, you don't want that.
562
00:23:59,859 --> 00:24:00,984
Get away from me!
563
00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:01,984
Will!
564
00:24:02,067 --> 00:24:03,567
- It was all working!
- Will.
565
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:05,150
Until today,
it was all working.
566
00:24:05,234 --> 00:24:06,150
Will.
567
00:24:06,609 --> 00:24:09,150
speaking Tagalog
568
00:24:14,609 --> 00:24:16,192
[New Pickles-san]
You raped my brother!
569
00:24:16,275 --> 00:24:17,567
He was a good man!
570
00:24:17,651 --> 00:24:19,818
He did not give you consent!
571
00:24:20,442 --> 00:24:21,734
- [New Pickles-san moans]
- Dad.
572
00:24:21,818 --> 00:24:22,901
- Dad, are you in there?
- [New Pickles-san] Answer me.
573
00:24:22,984 --> 00:24:24,651
- Dad!
- Are you the Yakuza?
574
00:24:24,734 --> 00:24:25,776
Answer me!
575
00:24:25,859 --> 00:24:27,901
Are you the Yakuza?
576
00:24:27,984 --> 00:24:30,984
[faint squeaking]
577
00:24:35,609 --> 00:24:38,192
[squeaking continues]
578
00:24:38,275 --> 00:24:39,693
Smorgas Gurka?
579
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:48,526
Sucky-sucky boat-boat.
580
00:24:59,275 --> 00:25:00,776
What's wrong?
581
00:25:00,859 --> 00:25:03,984
She raped my brother
and ruined my life.
582
00:25:06,109 --> 00:25:08,025
speaking German
583
00:25:09,275 --> 00:25:10,442
What did you say?
584
00:25:10,526 --> 00:25:12,359
Nothing.
585
00:25:18,484 --> 00:25:22,901
♪ singing in German ♪
586
00:25:22,984 --> 00:25:25,275
- Pull!
- [gunshots]
587
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,818
- [laughs]
- Get away from me.
588
00:25:27,901 --> 00:25:30,275
- No, please!
- Murderer!
589
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,693
[all chanting]
Murderer! Murderer!
590
00:25:32,776 --> 00:25:35,109
Murderer! Murderer!
591
00:25:35,192 --> 00:25:38,275
Murderer! Murderer!
Murderer!
592
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:40,317
Murderer! Murderer!
593
00:25:40,401 --> 00:25:43,859
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
594
00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:48,401
[both]
♪ singing in German ♪
595
00:25:48,484 --> 00:25:50,776
[all chanting]
Murderer! Murderer!
596
00:25:50,859 --> 00:25:53,651
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
597
00:25:53,734 --> 00:25:55,859
You killed the magic!
598
00:25:55,943 --> 00:25:59,776
[gunshots]
599
00:25:59,859 --> 00:26:03,150
[panting]
600
00:26:03,234 --> 00:26:05,901
♪ dramatic percussive music ♪
601
00:26:05,984 --> 00:26:08,651
♪♪♪
602
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:12,359
[gunshots]
603
00:26:12,442 --> 00:26:17,401
♪♪♪
604
00:26:20,859 --> 00:26:23,901
[wind whistling, waves lapping]
605
00:26:30,442 --> 00:26:33,275
[man]
♪ singing in native language ♪
606
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:38,317
♪♪♪
39741
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