All language subtitles for Harley Quinn - 01x09 - A Seat at the Table.METCON+NTb+ION10.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- _

Oh, hey. I didn't see you there.

I'm Lex Luthor,

and I'm here to tell you

a little bit about the Legion of Doom.

The LOD is a supportive community

of elite supervillains

dedicated to making the
world a worse place.

We've been behind some
of the most evil plots

of the 21st century.

Hey, Black Manta.

- [WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]
- What's that?

They're waiting for the new
recruits right next door?

Looks like you better get in there.

And make sure you bad guys
bring a good attitude.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, that's you!

What did you say to Black Manta

to elicit such rage?

Nothing racist.

Guys, pull it together.

We are about to join...

The Legion of Doom.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Welcome home, Harley.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

And that's all the time we have.

- [SIGHS]
- Oh, and my apologies to Bane

who wanted to do some magic.

It was going to be a spectacle.

[CLEARS THROAT] I'd
like to say something.

Oh, my God!

When I heard we were
letting in Harley Quinn,

I thought...

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

No one deserves this opportunity

more than she does.

- Oh this guy.
- I'm sorry.

But didn't he try to
kill you multiple times?

I know, I know.

I tried to kill you multiple times,

but frankly, Harley,

now you're the one killing it.

- Wow...
- [CLAPS]

[CROWD CLAPPING]

Oh, I've seen this before.

It's just like the time
my ex, Sandra, called me up

after I lost 20 pounds.

Where were you when I
was still 2,750, Sandra?

Where were you?

I needed love then.

Promise us you will not
make us the Jen Aniston

to your Bradley Pitt's
feverish pursuit of co-star

Ann-halina Yo-lee.

Wow, that's a lot to unpack.

Guys, guys, come on! Give
me a little credit here.

Joker saying a few nice things about me

ain't gonna make me see
him any different, okay?

Pick a card.

When my mind's set, it is set.

Hell, they blew out three
electric shock machines at Arkham

trying to get through to me.

I am done giving that
clown second chances.

Is your card

the three of hearts?

- No.
- Fuck!

[INAUDIBLE]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

Okay, look. I know the
last time we talked,

it was... Shitty.

But, you know, I feel like maybe

we have an opportunity
to start over here.

- Hmm.
- Okay. We can build off "hmm".

I also, obviously,
would like to apologize

for saying you're jealous of me

and that you got no friends and that...

All right, thank you. I
remember what you said.

I know you were just
trying to protect me, and...

Listen, I am gonna do
the same for you, okay?

Just 'cause I'm a card carryin' member

of the Legion of Doom now...

Fuck that place in the ass.

Yes. For sure. Although, listen...

I am working there

and I hope it doesn't
affect our friendship.

I would be dead without you.

Like, a lot.

I do not disagree with that.

I mean, I'm glad you're not dead, but...

I don't know, it just...

It felt like you were
so ready to abandon me.

I would never do that.

I will always be there for ya.

I will always smash things

you might need smashed, Ive.

Wait, I know that look.

Is there something you need smashed?

Come on, Ive, there's gotta
be something you need smashed.

There is... There is something
actually, I've been working on.

I knew it! You're
gonna do something evil.

That is great!

Yeah. You know, I mean,
if we're still categorizing

fighting to protect the
environment as "evil",

then sure.

[MAN] At our new state-of-the-art
manufacturing plant in Gotham,

we're building the
machines to revolutionize

the development of our beautiful city.

Join us in paving the way together

- to a better Gotham.
- _

I'm gonna destroy it.

Ooh, you're still fired up, Ive.

You are glowing.

Count me in on destroying
this new factory.

Really? Great.

Okay. Let's meet up on Friday
night and go over a plan.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I got this.

The Legion gave me a corporate card

and said I can expense any meal

where I talk about doing something evil.

Yeah, once again, it's
just... We're saving plants,

we're not actually
doing something evil...

You know what? [SIGHING]

Thanks, Harls.

We added a little something
we thought you might enjoy.

Oh, it's beautiful!

- What's the thread count?
- Oh, my God.

It's under the sheet, you dry turd!

[HARLEY GASPS] Oh, my God!

So thoughtful.

You got mahogany, oak, pine...

And... Just one chair.

Where are the rest
of us supposed to sit?

Oh, we have special
offices for all of you.

My assistant cultural attache,

Esteban, will take you.

Why, hello, Esteban!

And from what exotic pueblito

on the Iberian Peninsula
might you derive?

It's Steve, and I'm from Tulsa.

I don't know why Mr.
Luthor calls me that,

but he always does.

Follow me.

Okay. [CHUCKLING] Come on.

I know where I'm going.

I remember where my old office is.

Yeah, that's been filled.

We have something else for you.

Why did you hit down on the elevator?

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

And here we are.

[DR. PSYCHO] No, no. No,
no, I know this place.

This is where they keep
the goons and the henchmen.

Right. Like you.

[TUTTING] We're not goons.

We're not henchmen.

We have powers.

That's right. I am an actor!

You are not an actor.

You are a huge pile of clay

that can turn into anything you want.

He is a giant half-shark man.

And I am a telepath.

We have actual powers!

Uh, calm down, Dr. [BLEEP] Guy.

This is where you're supposed
to be, and you're lucky.

Touch whatever you want.
Everything's broken.

Goons, you're with me.

The hell we are!

We work for Harley.

And now, for me, too.

I've signed you out for
a very important mission.

I got a razzy zazzy for "Bang".

It's Bane!

You know it's Bane.

I'm here everyday, Todd.

Goddamn millennials.

Whatever, Bang! [CHUCKLING]

[GROANS]

So, we're blowing up Todd after dinner.

Don't eat so much you get lethargic,

but eat enough that you don't get fainty

'cause I do not bring snacks.

The streets will run with razzy zazzy.

And thanks to Black
Manta for the bagels.

There's only cinnamon raisins!

You know I hate raisins!

Oh! [CHUCKLING] Wait.
Here's an everything.

So, Harley,

every week we meet to
pitch our evil ideas.

This is where we get approval

for the use of Legion resources

like goons and getaway cars.

And s'plosions!

I have no idea what the
fuck "s'plosions" are, Bane,

but we do have explosives.

So this is the place to get
creative feedback on ideas.

Exactly.

We modeled it after the
way they do things at Pixar.

I wish they would make another Up movie.

They can't.

The story was over at
the end of the first.

[SCARECROW] Unless,

the kid is the old man in the sequel.

Oh, that's fun!

That's a good one.

Can we stop with the nonsense, please?

- Who wants to start?
- Okay!

So, I want to build a giant tower

with my face on it.

Loving this.

My quote unquote "mouth" opens up...

Boom! Reveals a giant TV.

What's on it? Me!

I open with a joke,

threaten Gotham, you get the rest.

[LAUGHING WICKEDLY]

I need 800 million,
but I can do it for six.

[CHUCKLING] Six hundred million!
I mean, that's a bargain.

I... I'm still trying to get a chair.

Shall we move to approve?

[CLOCK TICKING]

- Harley?
- I don't get it.

You don't... Get it?

Well, for starters,
why do you need a tower?

Right? If you want to get on TV,

why don't you just take over
the airwaves like everybody else?

Because everyone else
has already done it.

- Fucking Bane's done it.
- Yeah, I done it.

Okay, well then, why not just
take over an existing tower?

Why are we building a new tower?

Because a regular tower
doesn't have a fire pole

that goes from top to
the bottom, that's why.

That's a bit garish, innit?
Why do you need that?

Because I'm the Joker!

Hmm.

Feels a little like you
came up with the frosting...

- Before you baked the cake.
- Exactly.

Thank you, Harley.

You haven't baked the cake.

Why don't you come back to
us after you bake the cake,

huh, Joker?

Fine.

I'll bake the fucking cake.

You know, it's not... It's refreshing.

I am glad that

someone finally stood up to that clown.

Oh! Hey, Joker.

I was just telling
Harley how uncool she was.

Being in the meeting earlier

- and having the gall...
- [SQUIRTING]

[GRUNTING]

[CHOKING]

[BLUBBERING] It's leaking everywhere.

About that meeting, I wanted to say...

- Look, if you came here to yell at me then...
- Thank you!

- Uh, what?
- That plan needed work.

I'm going to put the time in,

and really make it something special.

But I'm happy I finally
have someone here

with the guts to stand up to me.

Maybe we could grab a drink
so I could pick your brain

with this whole giant-tower-
with-my-face-on-it thing.

Yeah, I don't think so.

A work drink.

I could give you the lowdown
on how to game the system here.

Really? And not have
sex with each other?

Harley, please!
[CHUCKLING] I'm blushing.

We're colleagues now.

You don't see me having
sex with Scarecrow or Bane.

The answer's, no, I don't...

Do that with them.

Just a work drink. Think about it.

Harley, we have a problem.

They put us in the goon poo-el.

- Ooh, that sounds fun.
- Fun?

It's not the fun kind of pool.

They're treating us like
we're common henchmen

and we have to work for anyone who asks.

- Including Bane.
- Bane!

- [EXCLAIMING]
- What?

Bane? Ugh! We only work together.

Well, they're saying
something entirely different.

Don't worry. You won't be
working for Bane, I promise.

Ugh, I just gotta figure out
how to game the system here.

And how, pray tell, will you do that?

I'll pray tell a colleague about it.

So... [LAUGHING]

I've been paying this smoothie kid

to keep writing "Bang"
on all his orders.

[LAUGHING] Oh, my God,

that's the guy Bane wants to blow up.

Oh! That's fantastic.

[EXCLAIMS] You know, everyone
remembers me for the big crimes,

the murders, the cripplings,

but it's the little
ones that keep me going.

[CHUCKLING SOFTLY] That's hilarious.

If it was hilarious, you'd be laughing.

You can't just say
something's hilarious.

That's the worst kind of audience.

[SIGHS] Sorry, I got a lot on my mind.

You know, Bane wants to use my crew

to blow up that smoothie
kid, and they're pissed.

Who do I talk to to
get them out of that?

Um, me. [CHUCKLING]

I'll talk to Lex.

He wants to keep you
happy. You're an asset.

- Really? He thinks that?
- Everyone thinks that.

You're a big deal. You're Harley Quinn!

Wow, I...

- [PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- Wow! Holy shit!

Thanks.

[FRANK] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

So your ass is gonna take
down that place by yourself?

There's not a plant around it.

First of all, I am a capable metahuman

who doesn't always need the plants.

And also, Harley's gonna show up

and, like, smash some
people with her bat, too.

Harley? I don't see Harley around here.

You know who I see?

Frank. I'm ready to fuck some shit up.

You're in a pot, Frank.
I'd have to carry you.

So what? I carry you emotionally.

We all carry shit.

You bring me in there and
I'll show you some damage.

How, Frank? What am I gonna,
like, throw you at people

and you're gonna eat them?

Boom! Look at that.
We just figured it out.

Thanks, but I think Harley and I
can take care of this. [CHUCKLING]

Like the way you took
care of that outfit?

- [LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY]
- Why? What's wrong with it?

You see fabulous, I see fugly.

You got to diversify
your color palette, woman!

Spice that shit up!

Add a fun hat.

Maybe a little blush
on your cheeks and shit.

See? See, see, I don't just eat people.

Hurtful words are another
weapon in my arsenal.

And you just got a verbal ass whooping.

[SIGHS]

So, how have you been?

Oh, you know, same old, same old.

Murdering, hijacking, WMDs, arson.

Ooh, I've been rewatching
a lot of Scrubs.

What happened to Zach Braff?

Wait, wait. Didn't we kill him

when we took that movie studio hostage?

Remember, we were trying to force him

to remake classic movies, but with cats?

Ha! I'm telling you,

"Cats-ablanca" would have blown the
original out of the water. [LAUGHS]

Anyway, I think Zach Braff is alive.

- Oh.
- Just not working.

- Ah!
- Oh, Harley...

We had some fun back
in the day, didn't we?

Oh, we sure did.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

- Mmm.
- _

All right, you know, I
really better get going.

Sorry to interrupt,

but I, like, totally ship you guys.

Seriously.

You're, like, my favorite
evil couple in Gotham.

These are on the house.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, thank you.

Come on, you can stay
for five more minutes?

_

[SIGHS]

There, she is, over there.

The green one with the fun hat on.

Uh, Frank, who is this person?

You said I couldn't do nothin'
'cause I was in this pot.

- Meet Chaz.
- This is really getting heavy, man.

He's my pot guy.

Carries my pot around
wherever I need to go.

He sells marijuana, Frank.

- He misread his ad.
- That is also true.

Yet, here we are.

[EXHALES] Okay. Well, I'm leaving.

So why don't you have him
bring you back to the apartment.

Wait, I thought you
were meeting Harley here.

Oh, shit!

She stood your ass up.

No, no, no. She just had to reschedule.

You know, she ended her text in "ugh".

So I know that she just, you know,

she didn't wanna
reschedule but she had to.

You know, things come up. It's fine.

Nah, she's changed.

Thinks she's a bigshot now.

Hell, I know this pear tree,

survived 9/11,

now he's planted front and
center at the Freedom Tower

and that motherfucker
won't even call me back.

Harley is nothing like
your 9/11 pear tree friend.

And, by the way, I know that tree, okay?

He was a dick before
9/11, he's a dick now.

That asshole changed

and so has Harley.

Trust me, you're on your own.

[KING SHARK] Oh, man!

They only have potato chips

with the weird Korean flavor.

"Cheddar and octopus ranch"?

Could be delicious!

I would give it a whirl.

Put down those snacks, you dumb goons.

It's time to go.

We're not going anywhere with you,

S&M Sally!

Harley took care of it.

I filed all the proper paperwork.

I even got the green
light from HR, so...

Your move.

How disappointing!

Right? But don't worry.

I'll call Harley and
we'll sort this out.

I meant these chips.

They're disappointing.

I'm not tasting the... Oh, wait!

There's the octopus!

- Damn! It went to voicemail.
- [BANE] That's that then.

Saddle up, muchachos.

We have a juicery to es'plode!

[CRUSHES]

- [BOTH LAUGHING HEARTILY]
- _

[BOTH EXCLAIM]

I missed this.

[STUTTERING] This isn't... Come on...

Now, this is just an extension

of the business
conversation from earlier.

- Oh, for sure.
- Cool.

- Cool.
- Cool. We're just cool.

- Yeah.
- [WOMAN] Monsters!

She's eating the beef
tenderloin with a fish fork.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[BOTH LAUGHING WICKEDLY]

Okay, I did miss this.

[CONTINUES LAUGHING WICKEDLY]

Now, this is living.

Yeah. Hey, you know, I had a thought

about that tower with your face
on it you pitched at the meeting?

Oh, my face tower?

That... That would be the one.

I was thinking you could
build it underground

and when you wanna unveil it,

it can shoot above the surface

and scare the shit out of people.

- Ooh, like a Jack in the box!
- Exactly!

[CHUCKLING] Love that.

It's very on brand for me, I mean.

Wow, really?

I don't think you've ever
taken one of my ideas before.

The student becomes another master.

Uh, I think the phrase is,

"The student becomes the master".

No, I believe it's, "The
student becomes a master

equal to the original master,

but not with more
mastery than that master".

So you're not upset I
decided to go off on my own?

If this is the Harley Quinn solo act,

I just have one thing to say...

I wish it'd had happened sooner.

[LAUGHS] Bravo!

- Oh! [CHUCKLING]
- [LAUGHING]

[BATMAN] Up to your old tricks again.

Well, you're gonna be
spending a lifetime together

in Arkham.

[BEEPS]

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

[GRUNTING]

You know, I'd love to
take you, puddin'...

You know, I'd love to take you, puddin',

but I'd never deny you the pleasure

of buying me time to escape.

[ECHOES]

So get the hell on, you knucklehead!

Oh!

What you grinning at?

You comin' or what?

[EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY]

[GRUNTS]

[HARLEY] Us, escaping
together? [CHUCKLES]

I used to dream about this moment.

[LAUGHING] Oh, Harley!

I couldn't leave you on the boat.

I need you.

For this.

- [KISSES]
- Mmm.

And this!

[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]

[HEART BEATING]

[BEATING SLOWS]

Some things never change, Quinn.

Has Harley called back yet?

[SARCASTICALLY] Yeah! And
she said she fixed everything,

and I just didn't tell you.

Fantastic!

What's taking your shark friend

so long to plant the bomb?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe it's because he's a shark

and not a demolitions expert.

Todd must pay for what he's done.

Let's see whose name is Bang now, Todd.

- [CLICKS]
- [BLASTS]

[GLASS BREAKING]

- Ah! Good Lord!
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING DISTANTLY]

[THUDS]

- [GROANING]
- Oh!

Hey, Shark guy, did we kill Todd?

[GROANING] Todd...

Doesn't work Wednesdays.

Oh, he must have changed the schedule.

[EXHALES]

[MACHINE BEEPING]

Why, Lord?

Why take him when you
could have me instead?

I am a perfectly delicious
substitute. [SOBBING]

What the hell are you talking about?

He's still alive.

Huh? Oh, I was rehearsing.

I have an audition for
a margarine commercial.

[KING SHARK] Well, it was very moving.

Although, that could
be the morphine talking.

I love everybody right now.

I came as soon as I
heard. How's he doing?

- [MACHINE BEEPING RAPIDLY]
- Oh, my God!

I think he's going into cardiac arrest.

Someone? Nurse? Somebody!

No, that's actually a pretty
standard shark heartbeat.

- I'm fine.
- Oh, no shit?

So where's Harley?

She said she got help
up with some Legion shit,

but I figured she'd come
running as soon as she heard.

Patrick Swayze's ghost!

It appears we've been deceived.

Ooh!

It looks like Jo-Quinn is back together.

Less than an hour ago,

former lovebirds Harley Quinn and Joker

were spotted tonguing each other down.

[CLICKS]

[MACHINE BEEPING]

[HARLEY] Hey, everyone!

Oh, I'm so sorry I
didn't get here sooner.

I got held up at a crazy
Legion board meeting and then...

[MACHINE CONTINUES BEEPING]

- Oh!
- It is one thing

when I thought you
ditched me for the Legion,

but him?

I thought you were
better than that, man.

No, I am. And I see that now.

Too late.

You promised you'd extricate us

from having to join Bane,

but you didn't,

and now, look!

Some of us got our fins blown off.

I'll tell you one thing.

A Japanese chef offered a
large sum of money for it

and you weren't even there
to tell me to not consider it!

Because you were canoodling
with the Joker instead.

I know, but the whole
reason I even met with Joker

was to figure out how to get
you guys out of doing that.

- I mean...
- [SCOFFS] Oh, please.

- Drivel!
- Ive, you, you...

You got to understand.

No! Not this time, Harley.

I have done everything in my power

to keep you away from that ass clown

because I truly believe
that you deserve better.

But you know what? I am
done believing in someone

who just doesn't believe in herself.

I'm... [STUTTERING] I'm sorry, Ive...

I made a mistake.

I know I did.

It won't happen again.

- Bullshit!
- Poppycock!

It's true, Harley.

You're like the fish that cried Orca.

It's a story remarkably similar

to that boy who cried Wolf,

except that instead
of a boy, it's a fish,

- and instead of a wolf...
- It's an orca.

No! It's a wolf named Orca,

but it can swim,

which is terrifying.

And also morphine induced,

but the point he's trying to make is,

we are out of the crew!

- [SLAMS DOOR]
- Clayface!

I'm sorry,

but I have a regional
margarine commercial audition

that starts in seven hours.

- King?
- I have a catheter inside me,

so I can't currently leave,

but please note that as
soon as I'm able to urinate

in a normal fashion,

I am also out of the crew.

Please, don't go.

Sorry, I... I have my
own plan to focus on,

but you probably don't
remember that anyway.

No, I do and I still
wanna help you with it.

I think I'd rather go solo on this one.

I need people I can count on.

[DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES]

[CREAKING]

[VENTS HISSING, WHOOSHING]

[ALARM BLARING]

[COUGHING]

[CHOKING]

[MAN] Yeah, boss.

We got her.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -