All language subtitles for Harley Quinn - 01x07 - The Line.NTb+ION10.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Aw. And that's one
chipmunk we'll never forget.

In other news, evil
sorceress, Queen of Fables,

won a huge ruling today

when a judge found her
imprisonment in a US Tax Code

to be cruel and unusual punishment.

[QUEEN OF FABLES] They always
use that same damn picture.

Better than the picture they use of me.

Hey, at least they're
letting you out soon.

Are we still gonna
get our weekly coffees?

If I'm not too busy getting my fuck on.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So, what's the update
with the Legion of Doom?

Nada. Same as last week.

Who do I gotta blow up to get an invite?

Easy. Find the thing
the Legion wants most,

and then you get it for yourself.

All right, I've got a two o'clock
with an independent contractor

who keeps his receipts in
a fuckin' ALF lunch box.

Bane, Sinestro, Grodd,

I mean, even Joker.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We
know what they look like.

- What's your point?
- That they've all tried and failed

to steal Kord Industries'
game-changing weather machine.

Which is why we are gonna do it.

If none of them could steal it,

that seems like a pretty good
indicator that we should not try.

But if we succeed, it will
make the Legion so furious,

they'll have to notice us.

I sent Clayface to do some recon.

My character was a sassy divorcee...

Can we please not do the
unnecessary backstory thing?

- ... named Brenda...
- Okay.

... who is back in the dating game
for the first time in a while,

and she's decided to get adult braces.

- Of course she did.
- I know what you're thinking.

It's a little expensive
on a secretary's salary,

but no! You can't put
a price on a smile.

So she threw caution to the wind...

Clayface! Intel!

The machine is being
protected by 1,000-ish lasers,

according to head
scientist Jerome Stansfield,

who may or may not be
heartbroken when Brenda

does not show up to work tomorrow.

How will we ever get
past 1,000-ish lasers?

Already thought of that. Psycho?

S.T.A.R. Labs created a
personal force field device

that deflects energy.

Problem is, the only
way to get into the room

is through an air duct
about four inches wide.

I don't know how the
hell we're gonna do that.

Yeah. I thought that might be an issue.

- And?
- And I was right.

It's a definite issue.

[FRANK] Oh, shit, Harley.

The news is talking
about that book you love.

Oh, Clive Cussler's Sahara?

Clive Cuss... No.

Queen of Fables.

Oh, that's right.
She's gettin' out today.

We are bringing you
live to the courtroom

where Queen of Fables is being released

from her tax book prison of 30 years.

Oh, yeah.

Damn! Feels good to
get out of those pages.

Thanks, Zatanna. Thanks, Judge. See ya.

Whoa! What the...

Watch the robe.

You said you were gonna release me!

I did. From the tax code.

But you're hereby sentenced

to serve the remainder of
your time in Arkham Asylum.

[HARLEY] What? That's bullshit!

Somebody's gotta do something.

She's been stuck in
that book for 30 years!

[LAUGHS] Yeah, 'cause she
almost destroyed Gotham.

Yeah, I think it was more of
a lack of affordable housing

that destroyed Gotham but,

look, Fables has been a mentor to me.

She just gets a bad rap.

Look. Obviously, I'm not pro-Arkham,

but if there was any person
who definitely belongs there,

it would be the Queen of...
Oh, my God. And you're gone.

Yeah. She didn't hear any of that shit.

[LAUGHS]

[INHALES AND YELLS]

How about a light, handsome?

Yeah, yeah, sure thing.

Aw. Butterfingers.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[CRASHING]

Well, I'll be damned.

Aw, I couldn't leave you behind.

- [BEEPING]
- Why, thank you, Harley.

[GRUNTS]

Let's ride.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

All right, everyone.

I would like to
introduce Queen of Fables.

She's agreed to help us
break into S.T.A.R. Labs.

So, yeah. I'm gonna need
you to pull something

around four inches tall
out of your storybook.

Sure, but I'm not sure how Prince
Charming's dick is gonna help ya.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Kinda low hanging
fruit. Not even tryin'.

I'm just playin' around.

After what you did for me,

you can have whatever you need, honey.

So you can pull any character
out of your storybook?

Sure can. Who's your favorite?

Oh, I'm partial to Humpty Dumpty.

Hi, everybody.

- Aw.
- Oh, my God. It's him!

Oh, he's so... [SCREAMS]

He makes the best eggs.

- Y'all got a kitchen here, right?
- [CRYING]

Uh, Harley. A moment?

What are you thinking?

Uh, that the only way to get
the Legion of Doom's attention

is that weather machine, and
she's gonna help me steal it?

No, no, no, no.

Seriously, you do not want to
get involved with this bitch.

She's like a real, legit bad guy.

Dude, we're all bad guys.

Uh, first of all, I care
about the environment, okay?

I don't know what about
that makes me a bad guy.

Yeah. Says the girl who dissolved
the head of ACE Chemicals

in a bath of his own herbicide.

Best Earth Day ever. Holla. [CHUCKLES]

Fables has been teaching me
the ropes of super villainy.

You were the one saying I
should listen to other people.

No. I said listen to me, okay?

You're a bad guy but
you're a good person.

Uh, I don't know, Ive. Bad is bad.

Ugh! All right, let me try this again.

You're like broadcast bad.

She's cable bad.

[SCREAMING]

Trust me. You're gonna regret this.

I can't listen to you when you're
dressed like a '40s housewife

who's fucking her husband's boss.

I mean, what is with that outfit?

What? Oh, I'm just...
I'm going out to...

- To do environment.
- "To do environment"?

Ho!

Oh, God. Is that a bouquet of roses?

You realize that's like handing
me a bunch of baby heads, right?

Uh, baby heads. With baby bodies.

Guess who's one step ahead of you?

[SOFTLY] Kite Man.

This is actually very sweet
of you, what you've done here.

- Yeah, you look bangin'.
- Oh, God. You make this so hard.

Okay. Are you ready?

Uh, did you check out
my apartment number?

[LAUGHS] It was a 66. I
did a little flip-a-roo

on that second numero
seis to make it real nice.

This was a mistake. We should've
just met at the motel again.

- I feel like that's more of our jam.
- No.

No, I was just jokin'.

I'm gonna put it back. I'm putting
it back. I'll put it back, babe.

So, you sure you don't
wanna go out for dinner?

- Instead of a movie?
- What? In a public place?

Yeah, I mean, Kite Man likes to peacock.

With his peahen.

- That's a female peacock.
- I understood.

Uh, let's do a movie.

Okay? Like, definitely,
a movie is my choice.

Gotcha. Restaurant next time.

Nice.

Okay, Queen. You're up.

Aw. He is precious.

But are you sure Cinderella's
mouse is up for the job?

Ow.

That answer your question?

It does, but it actually brings
up a lot of other questions.

All right. We got a personal
force field to steal.

The hell?

Oh, shit.

[ANNOUNCER ON PA] Welcome to the
Praxis family reunion.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Damn it, that guy ratted us out.

- I'm calling off the mission.
- Relax.

You do your thing. I'll keep them busy.

Who likes fairy tales?

[CHILDREN CLAMORING]

Mmm-hmm.

- [ALARM BLARING]
- [SIRENS WAILING]

[CLAYFACE] We did it!

Fables, let's go! We pulled
off the caper without a...

[ALL SCREAM]

- [HARLEY] Oh, shit!
- [KING SHARK] This is horrifying!

I won't be needing these anymore.

What did you do?

I didn't do anything.

All credit goes to
the Big Bad Wolf here.

[GROWLS]

But why?

You were there. That guy ratted us out.

So I killed that guy.

Then everyone saw me kill that guy,

so I killed everyone.

You gotta end the bloodline
and prevent any revenge killing.

I mean, that's just Evil 101.

Uh, I taught that
class at Boston College,

and we never covered
anything this fucked up.

All right, guys. Come
on. Take a look around.

Make sure I got everyone.

Make sure they're all dead.

Uh, yup. Yup.

You killed the shit out
of everyone. Let's go.

All right. Let me grab the Three
Little Pigs to clean this mess up.

Oh, they are cu... Oh, Jesus.

- [PIGS SQUEALING]
- There we go. Go get 'em, boys.

Come on. The bones, too.

- Come on. The bones.
- [BONES CRUNCHING]

You know, no one ever talks about it

but it's almost impossible
to get brain out of a cape.

Did she do the pig thing or...

That's a yes. So...

You think I was right to be worried?

Yes. Oh, my God. Ivy,
you were way right.

She is... a lot.

And so now you're gonna
tell her that it's...

Over. Yes. I'll tell her.

We'll just go back to being
friends that do not work together.

Boy, that was some
fun shit, Harley, huh?

Come on. Up top. And guess what?

I decided to stick around
a little while longer.

Help you get that weather machine.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Oh, that's too generous.

I don't wanna put you out.

Nonsense. This is fun.

I feel like I'm gettin' my groove back.

Oh, and if you liked the pigs,

wait till you see the
three blind mice eat a body.

The mice eat bodies, too?

Oh, my God.

Those little bastards can just
gnaw the shit out of a head.

It takes longer 'cause
they got those little,

you know, mice teeth, the best!

Wow. Now, that's fun, Harley, right?

That's the kinda stuff
you've got ahead of ya.

[SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT]

Hey, uh, Fables? We need to talk.

Hey, everybody. Check your shoes.

Someone stepped in eye. What's up?

You know, I appreciate how
much of a badass you are,

I mean, listen, I consider
you a friend and a mentor,

- and just a real...
- You know what'd be great?

If you said what you actually mean.

I just... I think maybe you should
sit out the weather machine heist.

Your style, it's just
a little... intense.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I thought the point
was to get the job done.

Yeah, but not by
murdering innocent people,

I mean, it's just a line I won't cross.

Oh, you got a line, huh?

Hey, guys. She has a line.

Superheroes have a line.

Teen Titans have a line.

We don't give a fuck.

Yeah, you know. I think maybe I
just give, like, a microscopic fuck.

Well, the Legion of
Doom gives zero fucks.

And if you wanna get in there,

you better start pole vaulting

over those lines you don't wanna cross.

Is that from Mamma Mia?

Thank you for your counsel.

But I believe this is
where we must part ways.

I hope we can remain friends.

Am I the only one whose
asshole's puckering.

I think I clayed myself.

Okay. I'll be on my merry way.

But you're makin' a big mistake.

Rapunzel, Rumpelstiltskin.

Let's go tear some shit up.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Deuces.

Bon soir, bro. Rezzy for two.

Under "Kite Man".

Oh, [CLICKS TONGUE] I'm so
sorry, Monsieur Kite Man,

but we are a little backed up.
It will be about 40 minutes.

Uh, excuse me,

well then, what's the point
of making a rezzy here, bro?

I mean, I took my lady out tonight

so we can see and be seen!

No, its fine. Can we just...
Can we just do the movie?

- Let's do the movie.
- But hon, we're here...

I wanted to take you out for din din.

Excuse me. Sir, maybe I'm
listed under "Man, Kite".

Or "The Kite Man", sometimes that.

Oh. Okay. Wait. Hang on.

I know what happened here.

- You don't recognize me without the kite.
- [GRUNTS]

- I'm sorry there.
- I think put the kite away maybe?

Well, that's actually
easier said than done.

Um, somebody got an Allen key?

_

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Hey, what's he doing here?

I thought he was loyal to Fable.

He's a mercenary, loyal
to the almighty dollar.

An adorable little soldier
of fortune, isn't he?

Huh. I thought you said this thing
was protected by a bunch of lasers?

That's what the blueprints said.

[BEEPING]

[SQUEAKS] _

Oh, there they are.

Look. If it wasn't lasers,
it was gonna be lung cancer.

I have never seen a
mouse smoke unfiltered,

human-sized cigarettes to that degree.

Okay, guys, y'know, if my
body gets diced up by lasers,

I don't know, you do
something fun with it,

like mail my ear to a random family

and say, "We have your daughter".

You know, something like that.

[GUNS WHIRRING]

Hello, Legion of Doom.

[HARLEY] That's right, Mayor.

We'll raise the temperature
of Gotham by one degree

every minute till ya
give us a billion dollars!

[CLAYFACE WHISPERING]

And you produce Clayface's
Fuller House reboot...

Fullest House.

I have an inexpensive way in...

Not more people. A smaller house.

You know what you and
your crew are, Ms. Quinn?

A scourge.

Hey, look at that, the Mayor upgraded us

from nuisance to "scourge"!

Ooh, we skipped over "menace"?

That's a big jump.

That's what happens when
ya steal the unstealable.

[QUEEN OF FABLES] Thanks
for doing that, by the way.

I'll be taking that weather machine now.

Hey, Mayor, I'll call ya back.

You fucked up, Harley.

Y'know, I do a lot of that, so
you're gonna have to be more specific.

You pissed me off

and then let me walk away in one piece?

Rookie mistake, right, Big Bad?

[GROWLS]

I can't believe you're doing this.

I broke you out of Arkham!

I even helped ya sign up for
Tinder so ya can get your fuck on.

I mean, we're friends!

Sometimes doing whatever it takes
means fucking over your friends.

Hand over that weather machine.

Over my dead body.

All right. How you wanna go?

Little Bo Peep could beat the shit
outta ya with her shepherd's stick.

Just tell me if you want
casket open or closed.

[ALL GRUNT]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

What the hell kinda
fairy tale is he from?

Well, from the looks of him,

one of those Danish
ones that's super racist.

He's not with me.

Um, anyone have another
magical storybook?

Shit, I mean, is there a B. Dalton

or a Waldenbooks in this motherfucker?

[ALL YELLING]

Who the hell are you?

- I am Jason Praxis.
- Who?

Last surviving member

of the 25th Annual Praxis
Family Reunion and Jamboree.

- Who?
- You murdered all of my family!

[ALL] Oh, shit.

- Yeah, I did that.
- [YELLS]

Uh, hey, yeah, I'm just checkin'
to see if my buzzer is broken

'cause you said it'd be 45
minutes and it's been 40...

Oh. It's been 47.

I've got a riddle for you.

Who's hungry, but doesn't
have a reservation?

Monsieur Riddler,
looking well. Right this way.

- [RIDDLER LAUGHS]
- Y'know what, it's cool.

Let's just... Let's go.
Let's get out of here.

Uh, maybe you could just drop your name.

- I mean, is it weird for me to...
- Yeah, a little bit.

- I'd rather just not do that...
- Totally get it.

- Yeah. I mean, you're a very humble person.
- No! Don't... Do not...

- Do not do that.
- Whoa. Babe,

did you used to work here or something?

Did you fuck the manager?

No judgement if ya did.
Kite Man is very secure.

- Great.
- Wait.

The sunglasses, the hat...

Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?

- Can we talk about this somewhere else?
- Oh, my God.

- No.
- You are embarrassed.

Is there even lingerie
under that trench coat?

- Kite Man, look.
- No, you Kite Man look.

You think I'm some D-list piece of shit

that went to REI and
bought a hang-glider.

I don't think that...

But I mean, that is
what happened, right?

Oh, I'm sorry I can't make plants

do all sorts of shit with my mind.

We can't all be Poison Ivy!

Look! The table's ready.
Let's just... Let's go eat.

I believe I've lost my appetite.

Kite Man, please don't do this.

You're the one doing the "this".

Ah! I thought you ended the bloodline?

I didn't leave anyone alive.
Did you see anyone alive?

- Eh...
- "Eh"? What is "Eh"?

I may have seen one person left alive.

What? How long have you been sittin'

on this little nugget of information?

It was nothin'. It was
just a little girl...

With like a blonde... ponytail.

Oh, shit.

And that's why you always end the what?

[ALL] The bloodline.

The motherfucking bloodline. Yes!

My family was close.

Not Appalachian hillbilly close,

but we leaned on each other.

We made each other laugh.

That all changed when you showed up.

- [ALL GASPING]
- [GROWLS]

- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
- [SPLATTERING]

My brothers gone. Aunts, uncles, gone.

My cousin twice removed,
completely removed!

[GROWLS]

I was so distraught.

I threw myself against the
electrified fence at S.T.A.R. Labs,

but instead of killing me, it...

- Gave him powers.
- It gave me powers!

Every goddamn time.
And now he wants to...

- I seek revenge!
- That.

Is there anythin' we can
do to make this right?

Not unless you can bring my
family back from the dead.

Hang on. Lemme check. Anyone?

Yeah, no, we can't do
that. Your second choice?

Kill all of you!

Ooh, I didn't even
know he could do that.

I should tell you I woke up this
morning with a post-nasal thing,

drank a lot of cough syrup and
I can't hold this much longer.

Is there a third choice, Mr. Praxis?

Hand over Queen of Fables
and the rest of you can live.

All right. Let's come
up with a plan here.

- Already got one.
- Hey, what the...

I'm comin' out with the Queen.

She's all yours.

[SIREN BLARING]

Hey.

Look, I got you a real nine.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

So you don't have to, like,

turn your six upside down
to make the, you know, 69.

- [GROANS]
- [SIGHS]

Kite Man, I'm here to apologize.

- Apology accepted.
- That wasn't the apology part.

Oh, right. Then by all means, continue.

Okay.

I am genuinely sorry for how
I acted at the restaurant.

I mean, I pretend like
I'm this like badass

who doesn't care what
people think, but...

But you do.

Right, which is why I said "I pretend".

No, no, no, I get it.

When you have a superpower like
being able to control all plant life,

or having a kite, there's just
so much you gotta live up to.

I love that you think
that that's a power.

Y'know, it's great.

I wish I had that kind of
insane level of confidence.

It's like, you genuinely do not
care what other people think.

I care about what you think.

Aw, that's really sweet of you to say.

And... I care about dat ass.

Okay. Look, you're not traditionally
the kind of dude I date.

Y'know, you're just not.

But against all logic
and reason, I do like you.

Like, like-like?

- I mean, we've had sex.
- Nice.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- Oh, hey. This is my roommate Bill,

AKA the Bill-doe.

Hey. I'm Ivy.

I'm... I'm his girlfriend.

Hell, yeah.

I'm gonna send your ass to the
happily never after, Fables!

- [LAUGHS]
- Seriously? You liked that?

Indeed. Terse. Lucid.

Organically wove the theme
of his target into the barb!

- A triumph!
- I'm gonna get some more cough syrup.

C'mon, Harley,

you don't have it in you to do this.

You have a "line", remember?

Yeah. That's what I used to think, too.

For House... Praxis!

[GRUNTS]

'Ey, guess what?

You're not dead.

Force field, baby! I
slipped it on your wrist.

Damn. You set me up.

You tricky bitch.

I would never send a
friend to her death,

even one that tried to screw me over.

So, you're just gonna let me go?

Yeah. I got the weather machine.

I won and I did it my way.

I'm a bad guy, not a bad person.

You're a dumb person.

You're gonna regret letting me
walk out of here alive, Quinn.

Don't forget your little book.

[GROANS]

Oh, no. He's waking up and I
cannot deal with awkward situations.

D-Did I vanquish her?

Please, tell me I avenged my family?

Uh, yeah?

Thank God.

[SNIFFLES] I can finally start...

- [SCREAMS]
- Fables!

- Why?
- [LAUGHS]

Oh, my goodness.

Can you believe, with all
that ending-the-bloodline talk,

I almost forgot this guy? Jeez.

All right, now I'm going.

So what did I miss?

Oh, my God! A lot, I guess.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

[CLAYFACE] Try "NeilPatrickHarris1".

Clayface, is that
your personal password?

- No.
- Okay.

- [BEEPING]
- Well, it doesn't work anyway.

So, lemme just get this straight.

You went through two
heists, sacrificed a family

and that weird electric guy

just to steal an unstealable
weather machine,

but didn't realize that
you needed a password?

Ooh, unstealable! Try that.

[BEEPING]

[COMPUTER] Too many
failed log in attempts.

Initiating self-destruct.

Oh, shit.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -