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CECIL BICKERSTAFF: What
are you going to do,
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Roman, when you finish
your childhood career?
3
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:13,187
Um, I'm gonna be, um,
probably I would say,
4
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:14,840
Yeah, a rock-and-roll star.
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00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,277
LUCRETIA: And
rock-and-roll star?
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00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:22,544
Yeah, or, uh maybe
a security guard.
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00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,024
LUCRETIA: A security guard?
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00:00:29,464 --> 00:00:30,247
Hey there.
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00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:31,770
I'm Ethan Shea.
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00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:33,337
Graduate student
and film director
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00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,079
here at Northern International
College of the Americas.
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00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,473
In accordance with fulfilling
my master's degree,
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00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:41,606
I am required to
direct a documentary.
14
00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:48,483
With a plethora of interesting
topics to choose from--
15
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:51,747
the War on Terrorism,
competitive lawn mowing,
16
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,531
crack addiction in Congress--
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00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:56,665
finding a subject matter
became a rather daunting task.
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00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:59,407
However, everything changed when
I realized we had a homegrown
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00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:01,322
topic right here at our school.
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00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,193
In the old walls of
the Langford dorm,
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00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:05,804
I'll follow a group of
resident assistants.
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00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:08,459
My film hopes to encapsulate
the quixotic adventures
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00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,548
of one particular RA named
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00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:11,375
Roman.
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00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,289
Roman.
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00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:15,379
They want Roman.
27
00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:19,122
I don't like that guy,
he's kind of asshole.
28
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,819
He thinks he like,
owns everybody.
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00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:21,646
I dunno.
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00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,213
He's just a douche.
31
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,432
So I just--
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00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:25,259
I dunno.
33
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,217
I hate him.
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00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,305
And he smells bad.
35
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:29,567
He's pretty bad.
36
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:31,395
We don't even want
to stand next to him.
37
00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:32,266
Oh my gosh.
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00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,876
I want to say like--
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00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,531
I want to say the "C" word,
but I don't want to say that.
40
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,098
Fucker.
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00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:42,145
There are some people who
are just born to do something--
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00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:47,324
he was born to keep
co-eds under check.
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00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:50,284
[DRUMS PLAYING]
44
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:52,677
Jurisprudence.
45
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:56,333
That's the best word to
describe this situation
46
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,596
we have on our hands right now.
47
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,599
As your RA, I try to be
empathetic your collegiate
48
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:02,731
needs.
49
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,254
I try to give students
what they want.
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00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:07,779
You know, I try to be, you
know, all-encompassing,
51
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,955
and understanding with things.
52
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:15,309
You know, but you, sir, you're
toeing the line between justice
53
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:18,703
and clemency, which
puts me between a rock
54
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,270
and a hard place, you know.
55
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:23,708
A little like, I feel sort
of, Good King Solomon--
56
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:27,408
he's got a baby and a
sword, you know that story?
57
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:29,192
That's how I feel.
58
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,455
Like I'm cutting
a baby right now.
59
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:34,763
I got nothing against
you as a human person.
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00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:37,853
But I'm saying all
this to say, you
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00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:40,812
need to start registering your
overnight guests, all right.
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00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:42,814
It's getting a
little ridiculous.
63
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:47,819
Most boys have ambitions of
being an astronaut, you know,
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00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:50,474
or a baker or something.
65
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,520
But not me, thought.
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00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:55,479
An RA is my calling.
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00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:59,918
Like, you know the universe
destined me for this job.
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00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,920
ROMAN: This is
getting ridiculous.
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00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:04,009
There is a $50 fine.
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00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,534
And cash only.
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00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:10,755
So if I could, I
would find a wife
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00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:13,845
and get married,
have kids, and be
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00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:15,717
an RA here in the
Langford dorm for the rest
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00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,459
of my natural life.
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00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,417
I'd probably need a night
job or something too,
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00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:23,855
because in this one you
don't really get paid money,
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00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:26,336
you know, or anything, so--
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00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:28,643
I gave you both a warning
about this last week.
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00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:33,387
BOY IN BED: Roman, it's
just my girlfriend.
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00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,605
Right.
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00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,868
Sorry, I got my people mixed up.
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00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:40,698
The girl he had over
last week was a blonde.
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00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:43,353
Carbon copy is yours.
84
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:44,093
If you don't--
85
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:44,963
BOY IN BED: It's just--
86
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,487
ROMAN: Ah, take that.
87
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:49,403
They double it if you don't
pay, so I suggest you pay.
88
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:52,362
BOY IN BED: Roman.
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00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,364
Rock and roll.
90
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:57,846
[MUSIC PLAYING]
91
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,955
Cameras?
92
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,914
Did you ask about the cameras?
93
00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:07,437
STUDENT 1: No, we did not.
94
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,047
ROMAN: You're probably
wondering what are
95
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,527
all these cameras for, right?
96
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:11,659
STUDENT 1: No.
97
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,182
Well, I'll tell you.
98
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:16,577
They're doing a documentary
about some of the best RAs
99
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,621
STUDENT 1: Cool.
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00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,101
ROMAN: I know, it
is cool, right?
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00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:20,972
Anyways, I don't know why
they would film, you know,
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00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,627
anyone like you people,
but if they do-- don't
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00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:27,457
look directly into the camera.
104
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:28,458
It's a filmmaking note.
105
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,465
I'd love to stay and chat
more, but I've got to show
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00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:36,727
them the rest of the dorm, so--
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00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,642
All right!
108
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,035
STUDENT 2: So,
Zoco, what did you--
109
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:43,517
Well this is the old
RA lounge, Houston.
110
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,780
Base camp, I call it.
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00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,434
I used to call it
the wolf's lair,
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00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:50,524
but then someone told me what
that meant, so I had to stop.
113
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:54,049
Anyway, this is-- we have
our on-call calendar so we
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00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,355
know what day we're on call.
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00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:58,488
Students know to contact
if there's a problem,
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00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:01,491
someone's locked out of
their room or whatever.
117
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,450
And then we also hold
some of our meetings
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00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:08,455
in here, especially with the
deans and important figures.
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00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:11,893
This is where a lot of the
top decisions are made.
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00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:14,983
I keep the Mardi
Gras shit over there.
121
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,942
ETHAN: What's your
philosophy as an RA?
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00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,857
That's a good question.
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00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:23,687
Let me answer that
question with a answer.
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00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:28,518
I have incorporated
two philosophies
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00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:31,086
from my favorite
modern thinkers.
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00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:34,568
Jack D. Ripper from the
movie Dr. Strangelove,
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00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:37,571
and Mahatma Gandhi from India.
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00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:43,707
Number one, shoot first,
ask questions later.
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00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:47,232
And second, boys will be boys.
130
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,973
ROMAN: You know, one
of biggest misnomers
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00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:50,540
that a resident
assistant faces is
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00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:52,107
that we don't know
how to have fun,
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00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,717
but I'm gonna quash that myth.
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00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:55,893
I want to introduce you to my
roommate, Clement Sam Pedro.
135
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,461
Been my best friend from life.
136
00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,854
First year RA.
137
00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,508
I've been showing him the
ropes, and vice versa.
138
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,945
He shows me the meaning of being
a playboy rock and roll star,
139
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:04,772
you know.
140
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:06,034
Look here.
141
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,470
He might have a girl in here.
142
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,254
Let's find out.
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00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:10,691
Hey!
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00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,475
Oh, hey!
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00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,216
ROMAN: What do you got going on?
146
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:19,264
Oh, well, I'm actually
painting my figurines.
147
00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:20,265
Uh huh.
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00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,092
All right.
149
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,833
We will let you.
150
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:26,620
So, I'm showing them the dorm.
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00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:28,709
CLEMENT: You know, I'm excited.
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00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:30,580
I'm really excited to be an RA.
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00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:32,190
I'm excited for this year.
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00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:37,021
You know, all my life I thought
I was a natural born leader.
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00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:43,767
I'm very eloquent, I
inspire good stuff.
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00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:46,683
So naturally, when I lost the
student presidential elections
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00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:50,295
I thought, being an RA
is the next best thing.
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00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:51,601
I am John.
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00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:55,605
I am Director of student
services here at NICA.
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00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,999
I've been here about 12 years.
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00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:02,133
I'm in charge of the
RAs in all the dorms.
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00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:05,876
So you pretty much take care
of more serious offenses
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00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,097
and then day-to-day operations.
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00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:09,924
Roman?
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00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,013
Yeah, he's strict.
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00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:15,059
Takes his job very
seriously, that's for sure.
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00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:20,282
But, off the record, in all
the years I've been here,
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00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:24,155
I've never seen a cleaner,
safer, more organized,
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00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:25,896
efficient dorm.
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00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,550
What can I say?
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00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:28,986
The son of a bitch gets results.
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00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:30,553
ROMAN: Did they
say what happened?
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00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:31,815
CLEMENT: They
didn't say anything.
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00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:33,164
All they said was that
she was passed out.
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00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:35,297
ROMAN: We got a girl,
you know, out, upstairs.
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00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,777
We don't know what it is.
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00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:39,083
But, you know, Luckily, as
RAs we are trained in all
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00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:42,652
the various resuscitative arts.
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00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:43,827
ROMAN: I touched her boob.
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00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:44,828
CLEMENT: It's OK.
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00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:46,177
GIRL STUDENT 1: Just save her!
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00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,178
ROMAN: Come back!
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00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:49,137
One, two, three, four, five!
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00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:50,660
CLEMENT: She sounds
delirious, man.
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00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,662
She sounds like
really delirious.
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00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:56,840
BOY STUDENT: We were just
talking, and she fell.
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00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:57,928
PREMED STUDENT: Just fell?
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00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:58,929
GIRL STUDENT:
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00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:01,845
ROMAN: My theory is brown acid.
190
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,238
She took the bad brown--
191
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:04,195
PREMED STUDENT: She's
in diabetic shock.
192
00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:05,196
Where's her purse?
193
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,241
CLEMENT: Diabetes?
194
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:07,677
ROMAN: Oh, she's
got the diabetes.
195
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:09,679
Wilford Brimley warned
us about such things.
196
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,376
Give me that, I got
it, I got it, I got it.
197
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,290
Actually, I don't.
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00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,205
Look up on WebMD how I do this.
199
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:15,206
CLEMENT: Here you go.
200
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:16,120
ROMAN: Give me your phone!
201
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,382
Here, I've got to look this up.
202
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,036
GIRL STUDENT: Oh my
gosh, you need to hurry.
203
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,299
ROMAN: Shut up!
204
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:24,781
You insert the needle
in the inner thigh.
205
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:30,134
The crest of the buttock, or two
inches from the navel fat flab.
206
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:31,788
CLEMENT: What's a flab?
207
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:32,702
ROMAN: I don't know, let's go
with the crest of the buttocks.
208
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:33,790
CLEMENT: OK.
209
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:34,661
ROMAN: Help me flip
this bitch over.
210
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:35,139
Here we go.
211
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:36,271
All right.
212
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:38,273
If there was a
suppository of insulin.
213
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:39,970
BOY STUDENT: Just
like in Pulp Fiction.
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00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:40,797
ROMAN: Like what?
215
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:41,711
BOY STUDENT: Pulp Fiction.
216
00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:42,712
ROMAN: What's a pulp fiction?
217
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:44,061
GIRL STUDENT: The movie.
218
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,019
GIRL STUDENT 2: You
haven't seen it?
219
00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:45,410
GIRL STUDENT: It doesn't matter.
220
00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:46,629
Fiction?
221
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:47,935
ROMAN: It's about an
orange or something?
222
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,197
CLEMENT: Just grab the
needle with both hands,
223
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,154
and plunge it straight
into her heart.
224
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:51,155
ROMAN: Her heart?
225
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:51,982
CLEMENT: Yes.
226
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,157
Like a vampire killer.
227
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:54,637
ROMAN: All right,
like right in here?
228
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:55,159
CLEMENT: Yeah.
229
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:55,812
Right here.
230
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:56,334
ROMAN: All right.
231
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:57,074
Here we go.
232
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:57,858
And one, and-a-two and--
233
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,903
[SIRENS]
234
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:05,648
CLEMENT: Unadulterated
hatred by the student
235
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:12,046
body at large towards an RA is
probably the mark of a good RA.
236
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:15,745
And in that respect, I
really don't know if Roman
237
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,704
knows just how good he is.
238
00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:22,099
Being an RA in this building
of Langford is an honor.
239
00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,666
It's a privilege.
240
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,669
Some of the best men to
ever soil God's green Earth
241
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,324
have come before me, and
I can only hope to aspire.
242
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,283
I mean, there's RD Regalado.
243
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:35,460
There's Frankie
McCandless back in '29.
244
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:38,768
And then, uh,
Rajalahin Bahatnagar.
245
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:42,729
You know, so I
emulate their lives.
246
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:45,122
You know, and of
course the greatest
247
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:49,344
RA, I think everybody
would agree, to ever exist,
248
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:50,867
was my dad.
249
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,653
So that's what it's about.
250
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:59,006
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW:
Now, on to cutbacks.
251
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,443
BOARD MEMBER REGINALD: According
to records, all of the kids
252
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:05,708
that work as RAs get full paid
tuition plus room and board.
253
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:06,535
Is that correct?
254
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,058
DAVID DEAN: It's standard.
255
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,973
BOARD MEMBER KIMMER: We just
need to face reality here,
256
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,279
people.
257
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:12,802
We are not getting the
donations from the alums
258
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,108
that we once were.
259
00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:15,457
BOARD MEMBER DRAKE: Two
of the four Langford RAs
260
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,111
have to got at the
end of the year.
261
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:20,288
JOHN: This is how some of them
do their work study, being RAs.
262
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,942
How are they going
to pay for college?
263
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,813
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW:
Now, the real question
264
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:25,728
is, is there anyone
that you can think
265
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:28,209
of that shouldn't be an RA?
266
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:31,386
BOARD MEMBER CASEY: Anyone?
267
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,823
ROMAN: What up, NICA Freshmen?
268
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:34,998
How we doing?
269
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,173
CLEMENT: Yo, yo, yo, NICA.
270
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:38,001
Ya'll ready to get crazy?
271
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,437
ROMAN: I can't hear you!
272
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:44,486
That's better.
273
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:47,097
All right. 'Fore we tell
you about all the rules
274
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,099
around this place, you
know, the crib, and how
275
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,753
to live here and
everything, got some
276
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,494
'nouncements to throw at you.
277
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:56,193
Firstly, there is a tan Buick
with it's headlights on.
278
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:57,542
I don't know if
they's automatic,
279
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,327
but you might want
to check on that.
280
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:00,807
CLEMENT: Wicky Wicky.
281
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:07,378
ROMAN: I remember reading
in Plato's Republic once,
282
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:12,383
and he was talking about
all the necessary workers
283
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:18,172
in order for a society
to function properly.
284
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:24,221
And I noticed not once
did he mention RAs.
285
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:25,527
ROMAN: All right.
286
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,790
Now, I can see the look
on everybody's faces.
287
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,923
You thinking, "I
won't ever remember
288
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,533
the rules around here."
289
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,143
But that's what
we're here for today.
290
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:35,929
As your RAs, we're going to
teach you about the rules
291
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:36,843
around this crib.
292
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:39,410
Yo, DJ spin that truth!
293
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:40,281
Press play, kid!
294
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,326
On the radio.
295
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,414
There.
296
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:44,285
Stupid.
297
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,384
CLEMENT: It's a tiny
school with a swimming pool
298
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:59,126
ROMAN: And on-site police
if you're acting a fool.
299
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,605
CLEMENT: I'm a
baller on the court,
300
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:03,217
ROMAN/CLEMENT: And doin' a
report, at NICA for short,
301
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:06,133
but they say we all is crazy.
302
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:11,051
Uh, Uh, Uh, NICA you so crazy.
303
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:16,317
Uh, uh, uh, uh,
NICA you so crazy.
304
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,927
CLEMENT: And don't
be afraid to come
305
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,363
us if you've got a problem.
306
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,888
We're always here to
help you find a solution.
307
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:22,627
Yo, Roman!
308
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:23,541
ROMAN: What's up, Buddy?
309
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:24,891
CLEMENT: True story.
310
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:25,848
My girl got pregnant.
311
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,023
ROMAN: With a baby?
312
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,546
CLEMENT: Word.
313
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,200
Guess I'm gonna have to quit
school and go find a job.
314
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:31,767
ROMAN: Player, check this.
315
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,856
You can get half you're tuition
reimbursed if you withdraw
316
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,163
from classes by October 11.
317
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,120
CLEMENT: Church!
318
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,122
ROMAN: Break it down now.
319
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:57,967
ROMAN: In my opinion, the
perfect echelon of a society
320
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:04,495
would go: artisans,
cooks, doctors,
321
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:08,499
the military, lawyers, RA.
322
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:10,066
ETHAN: Why?
323
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,894
ROMAN: Why?
324
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:17,900
Well, on a college
setting, we maintain order.
325
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:20,033
We promote scholasticism.
326
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:27,518
We issue out vacuums, and
other assorted cleaning items
327
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:30,043
as needs be.
328
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:33,960
So arguably, we're more
important to a college
329
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:37,311
than professors.
330
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,704
Or at least the students.
331
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:45,145
If I am on duty, and you
know Shawn is my back up,
332
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:48,713
I think he needs a backup,
as well, if there's
333
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,193
an emergency or something.
334
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,674
SHAWN: So you mean like
a backup to the backup?
335
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,633
It's not like we don't have
lives outside of being RAs.
336
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:58,419
I'm not saying that you don't.
337
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,637
We know that you don't.
338
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,251
We've been RAs for two years.
339
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,514
I mean, I like the job.
340
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:08,733
We just may not take
it to the extreme.
341
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,648
No, not like,.. you know.
342
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,524
[CAMERA SHUTTER]
343
00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:25,446
Oh, God!
344
00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:26,838
What the fuck?
345
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:30,451
ROMAN: This needs to get
down to the chem lab ASAP.
346
00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:33,584
Say R. Bickerstaff sent you,
tell Beckel he owes me a favor.
347
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:35,021
Here, you take it.
348
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,110
Let me get over there.
349
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,763
CLEMENT: Hey guys,
check this out.
350
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:40,417
There's a footprint
in the shit stain.
351
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:41,592
ROMAN: He's right.
352
00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:44,726
Hey, let me get
some scale in there.
353
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:47,033
This looks like a Alabama
truck stop in here.
354
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:48,208
SHAWN: Disgusting.
355
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,687
ROMAN: What size do
you think that is?
356
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:50,601
Maybe 10, 10 1/2.
357
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:52,255
CLEMENT: 11, somewhere in there.
358
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,301
At least they managed
to get some in the toilet.
359
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:57,260
ROMAN: Caucasian
male, primary suspect.
360
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,609
Based on the roundness.
361
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,655
Anal size.
362
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:05,442
Let me ask you a question: If
you were spewing shit and puke
363
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:10,012
out of every orifice of your
body from here to Calcutta,
364
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,492
where would you go
when you were done?
365
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,668
Let's get inside the
mind of the shitter.
366
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:15,800
CLEMENT: Well, I don't know
but there is definitely
367
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:17,019
signs of a struggle here.
368
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,107
ROMAN: Do You think?
369
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,587
Frats up to it again?
370
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,328
CLEMENT: We might have to
bring in the pepper spray.
371
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:22,894
Guys, guys, guys.
372
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:25,593
I think somebody just got
really drunk, crapped and puked
373
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,160
and then left.
374
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,031
You know, he might--
375
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,206
he might be right.
376
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,600
The simplest explanation
as Occam's Razor
377
00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:34,297
says is, you know, the--
378
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,256
CLEMENT: Always
count your chickens.
379
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:37,648
ROMAN: Something like that.
380
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,520
I wouldn't say we've subdivided
381
00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:41,478
into two teams of RAs.
382
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,828
Roman and Clement,
and Sean and I.
383
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:46,092
We just feel it's better
if we not work together.
384
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,050
This isn't just a job, Sean.
385
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:50,357
As Roman says, it's a lifestyle.
386
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:55,057
The problem is there are too
many students and too few RAs.
387
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:58,321
Yeah, there's like 750 guys
in this dorm and only four RAs.
388
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,323
He brings up an
interesting point that I
389
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,543
would like to touch upon.
390
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,066
Decibel levels.
391
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,328
What do you mean?
392
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,678
I mean, at what point
are you guys saying,
393
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:11,204
you know, to people when
they're watching television,
394
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,640
you know, hey fellas!
395
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:13,728
It's getting a little loud.
396
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,338
I remember the
homeschooler crowd
397
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,688
got really rough after they
were watching the spelling
398
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,516
bee finals on ESPN.
399
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,996
ROMAN: Mm-hmm.
400
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,824
Well, I would just nicely
ask them to turn it down.
401
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,130
That's a simple--
402
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,348
CLEMENT: Yeah, but then
they got into a scrap
403
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:26,523
about the origin of
the word synagogue,
404
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:29,483
which is surprisingly
not Yiddish.
405
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:32,529
ROMAN: There's basically
two types of RAs.
406
00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,314
And the dichotomy
can be traced all
407
00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:38,361
the way back to ancient Greece
with Aristotle and Julius
408
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:39,493
Caesar.
409
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:43,192
You're either the
quote "cool RA" --
410
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:47,327
you turn your head at even
the most egregious offenses.
411
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:51,461
Or you do what's right,
and uphold the law.
412
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,159
The latter certainly
doesn't make
413
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,509
you popular with many people.
414
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:57,902
But I didn't take this
job to be popular.
415
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:00,209
I have plenty of friends.
416
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:05,127
Other schools,
various chat rooms.
417
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,434
Tebowfan21 and I have
never been closer.
418
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:09,740
JOHN: And that goes
for all of you.
419
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:13,570
Make sure that any guests
that plan to say overnight
420
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:16,225
are properly registered.
421
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,575
We don't want another
incident like we had
422
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:22,144
on St. Patrick's Day last year.
423
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,580
All right.
424
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:26,757
So this is what's
going to happen.
425
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,585
Langford and
Canterbury are going
426
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:32,198
to merge into one coed dorm.
427
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:38,508
We will be hiring two RAs from
Canterbury, and two of you
428
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:39,770
for next year.
429
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,337
DREW: Will it still
be full tuition?
430
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,687
JOHN: Yes, Drew, there'll
still be full tuition.
431
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,516
SHAWN: So who's gonna be
the RAs for next year?
432
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,779
JOHN: Well we haven't
decided that yet.
433
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:51,434
That will be decided
at the end of the term.
434
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:55,917
Well, I mean
objectively speaking,
435
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,353
who's more qualified than I am?
436
00:18:57,397 --> 00:19:01,183
I mean, I can't imagine what
rubrics, what guideline,
437
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,185
is going to make
such a decision.
438
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,709
JOHN: The factors that we're
going to use include grades,
439
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:11,193
which will be very important,
faculty input, conversations
440
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,760
with members of the board.
441
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:15,197
There will be a number of
factors that we will consider.
442
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:16,633
But still, I mean,
Clement and I--
443
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,592
I mean, that's--
444
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:20,942
I've been here five years, OK?
445
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:22,726
I'm a goddamn
legacy around here.
446
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,206
CLEMENT: He has seniority.
447
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,295
DREW: There are other RAs
that this is important to.
448
00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:27,688
ROMAN: Fuck them.
449
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:28,732
Oh, you mean you.
450
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,565
SEAN: If they pick Bickerstaff
at the end of the year,
451
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:36,479
that's it.
452
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:37,959
I'm transferring.
453
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:41,397
You have to understand,
this school is $45,000 a year.
454
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:42,485
Which is a lot.
455
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:44,661
And right now,
all that's paid for.
456
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:45,923
For now.
457
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:47,316
And if Bickerstaff...
458
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,536
Oh, fuck, I hate--
459
00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:52,843
ROMAN: You know,
Sean and Drew, they
460
00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:57,413
moan and complain all the time
about money and everything.
461
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,893
Scholarships and stuff.
462
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:03,680
And to me, it's never been
about the money or tuition
463
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:06,727
or having things
paid for for me.
464
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:09,860
Being an RA is an honor.
465
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:11,558
It's a privilege.
466
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:18,608
There's 14,796
rules in this book.
467
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:20,784
You think I memorized
them for fun?
468
00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:24,658
I mean, really, Bickerstaff,
nobody even him likes him.
469
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:25,528
Maybe John.
470
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:26,964
But nobody other than John.
471
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,096
I know.
472
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,838
Stupid brunette,
Sonny Crocket haircut.
473
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,883
Who the fuck does
he think he is?
474
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:39,760
ETHAN: So what was Roman
like when he was younger?
475
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:43,329
LUCRETIA: Well, he took life
very seriously as a child.
476
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:46,462
Everything was
always structured.
477
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:49,552
He was a bit quirky
to say the least.
478
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,380
And we always thought
it was weird that he
479
00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:53,730
had this affinity for NPR.
480
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:55,732
Even as a toddler.
481
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:56,603
ROMAN: Roman.
482
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:58,953
Yeah, I remember him.
483
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:01,390
He used to come over and
play with our granddaughter.
484
00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:03,436
They liked to play doctor.
485
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,742
Never lasted very long, though.
486
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:09,746
He had trouble with her HMOs.
487
00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:13,837
BENNY: I just hated that
little snotty-nosed bastard.
488
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:18,015
RUBY: Well, he didn't
like you, either
489
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:19,930
BENNY: I know that.
490
00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:21,758
LUCRETIA: This is
Roman's old room.
491
00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:23,804
I keep a few things
of his around.
492
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,762
ETHAN: What did
Roman like to do?
493
00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:28,635
LUCRETIA: Well, books
were essential to him.
494
00:21:28,678 --> 00:21:32,334
Actually, this is one of
his favorites right here.
495
00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:35,511
ETHAN: Favorite,
like, bedtime story?
496
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:36,904
LUCRETIA: We'd read
it every night.
497
00:21:36,947 --> 00:21:39,428
Sometimes we'd read
it twice a night.
498
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:42,431
ETHAN: Sinners in the
Hands of an Angry God?
499
00:21:42,475 --> 00:21:43,650
He'd fall asleep to this?
500
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:50,918
ETHAN: Roman has somewhat of
a reputation for being strict.
501
00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:52,615
How does that come into play?
502
00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:54,922
LUCRETIA: Well, you know, he
could only be really silly,
503
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:57,925
be a kid, when he
was with his brother.
504
00:21:57,968 --> 00:22:01,450
YOUNG ROMAN: Open up you
masked, cape crusade-- bad guys.
505
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:05,367
CHRISTOPHER: Shotgun
Shane, Joker?
506
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:06,760
CHRISTOPHER: I'll
tell a riddle, OK?
507
00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:08,370
YOUNG ROMAN: OK.
508
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:12,505
CHRISTOPHER: Now, see, when
I point to you, you just say,
509
00:22:12,548 --> 00:22:13,636
"Are you taking the bus."
510
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,463
OK?
511
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:15,769
YOUNG ROMAN: OK.
512
00:22:15,812 --> 00:22:17,553
CHRISTOPHER: I'm going
to New York City today.
513
00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:19,512
Why?
514
00:22:19,555 --> 00:22:23,733
Uh, because they have a play.
515
00:22:23,777 --> 00:22:24,778
OK--
516
00:22:24,821 --> 00:22:26,867
YOUNG ROMAN: Are
you taking a bus?
517
00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:31,350
YOUNG ROMAN: [GIBBERISH SINGING]
518
00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:48,584
LUCRETIA: After the
accident, he changed.
519
00:22:48,628 --> 00:22:51,544
He really changed.
520
00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:53,197
LUCRETIA: Roman
loved his father.
521
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:54,677
Loved him.
522
00:22:54,721 --> 00:22:55,635
Idolized him.
523
00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:04,905
ETHAN: Where's
Roman's father now?
524
00:23:07,821 --> 00:23:09,692
LUCRETIA: Roman's dad
was driving the car
525
00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:10,824
the night of the accident.
526
00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:14,915
Roman, they said,
was holding him
527
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:17,570
when the paramedics got there.
528
00:23:17,613 --> 00:23:20,181
He was four.
529
00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:23,140
Roman just can't seem to come
to terms with what happened.
530
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:29,451
It's probably my fault. I
let him remain oblivious.
531
00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:33,194
When you ask him, he
can't remember anything.
532
00:23:33,237 --> 00:23:35,718
And I think vicariously
he's following
533
00:23:35,762 --> 00:23:40,201
in his father's footsteps
being an RA, which is scary.
534
00:23:40,244 --> 00:23:42,551
But what's really
scary is how he
535
00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:45,554
comes up with his own idea about
what happened to his father.
536
00:23:45,598 --> 00:23:49,863
You know, my dad died in
the line of duty as an RA
537
00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:52,779
at Langford.
538
00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:56,260
Speculation was, it was a shoot
out of sorts with the mafia,
539
00:23:56,304 --> 00:23:59,525
but you know there were
never any bullets or bodies
540
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:01,048
to confirm or deny it.
541
00:24:01,091 --> 00:24:04,704
So I feel it is my job,
though, as his son,
542
00:24:04,747 --> 00:24:06,793
to carry on his legacy.
543
00:24:06,836 --> 00:24:08,708
You know, as an RA in Langford.
544
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:12,668
So I'm not that--
545
00:24:12,712 --> 00:24:14,888
I'm not much of, not
much of anything,
546
00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:17,630
but I'm getting cold, guys.
547
00:24:24,724 --> 00:24:25,638
Let's see.
548
00:24:25,681 --> 00:24:27,204
When did I meet Roman?
549
00:24:27,248 --> 00:24:30,773
I think I was about six years
old when I first met him.
550
00:24:30,817 --> 00:24:34,821
So that would have made
him something like eleven.
551
00:24:34,864 --> 00:24:39,565
And that was at the troubled
youth center in Astoria.
552
00:24:39,608 --> 00:24:42,959
ETHAN: Would you say Clement and
Roman were always best friends?
553
00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:45,092
LUCRETIA: More like family.
554
00:24:45,135 --> 00:24:48,138
Very close from moment they met.
555
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:50,184
Every waking moment
they were together.
556
00:24:50,227 --> 00:24:52,578
ETHAN: What was the attraction?
557
00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:55,319
What made them so close?
558
00:24:55,363 --> 00:24:57,887
LUCRETIA: Clement kind of
filled a void in Roman's life,
559
00:24:57,931 --> 00:24:58,975
as a brother.
560
00:24:59,019 --> 00:24:59,802
Yeah.
561
00:24:59,846 --> 00:25:02,196
CLEMENT: One, two, three!
562
00:25:05,025 --> 00:25:07,636
I don't think Roman
could do anything
563
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,203
without Clement being around.
564
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:11,248
They did everything together
when they were kids.
565
00:25:11,292 --> 00:25:13,642
Doctor visits, dentists.
566
00:25:13,686 --> 00:25:16,819
Well, I caught Clement doing
something weird with Roman one
567
00:25:16,863 --> 00:25:18,908
time in the bedroom.
568
00:25:18,952 --> 00:25:21,084
Didn't know what we're doing.
569
00:25:21,128 --> 00:25:23,173
They were shuffling
papers and looking guilty.
570
00:25:23,217 --> 00:25:25,872
And I walked in there and
thought they were smoking
571
00:25:25,915 --> 00:25:27,569
marijuana and masturbating.
572
00:25:27,613 --> 00:25:30,180
Come to find out, they
were just in there
573
00:25:30,224 --> 00:25:31,268
working on their taxes.
574
00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:37,623
Clement wouldn't be so
bad if it wasn't for Roman.
575
00:25:37,666 --> 00:25:40,277
He kind of gets dragged
around by Roman, like--
576
00:25:40,321 --> 00:25:42,323
there was a guy who hangs
out with Charlie Brown.
577
00:25:42,366 --> 00:25:43,933
The one who always has
the blanket with him.
578
00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:44,760
Linus.
579
00:25:44,804 --> 00:25:46,196
Yeah.
580
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,199
Clement is like Linus's blanket.
581
00:25:49,243 --> 00:25:51,375
So, we're just hanging out.
582
00:25:51,419 --> 00:25:53,203
Uh, we like to swim.
583
00:25:53,247 --> 00:25:54,074
Unwind.
584
00:25:54,117 --> 00:25:57,599
Don't let this guy fool you.
585
00:25:57,643 --> 00:26:00,167
In high school we called
him the human dolphin.
586
00:26:00,210 --> 00:26:01,124
Show them what you do.
587
00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:07,696
He will be down there
for seven minutes.
588
00:26:07,740 --> 00:26:10,656
He's got a little blow hole.
589
00:26:10,699 --> 00:26:15,704
Sometimes I give him sardines
when he does the trick right.
590
00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:17,053
CLEMENT: Was it good?
591
00:26:17,097 --> 00:26:18,664
ROMAN: It was awesome, man.
592
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:27,324
I wanted to talk to you.
593
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:28,238
Shoot.
594
00:26:28,282 --> 00:26:30,850
The RA position for next year.
595
00:26:30,893 --> 00:26:32,329
Shoot again.
596
00:26:32,373 --> 00:26:34,984
I just wanted to let you
know, I'm pulling for you.
597
00:26:49,042 --> 00:26:52,698
I am not gay.
598
00:26:52,741 --> 00:26:53,655
What?
599
00:26:53,699 --> 00:26:55,091
I mean, I--
600
00:26:55,135 --> 00:26:56,745
if I drink a little
bit beforehand--
601
00:26:56,789 --> 00:26:58,660
Roman, what the hell
are you talking about?
602
00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:02,011
What do you mean by
"pulling" and "wink"?
603
00:27:02,055 --> 00:27:05,014
I mean, I want
you to get the job.
604
00:27:05,058 --> 00:27:05,928
Oh, thank God.
605
00:27:05,972 --> 00:27:07,103
OK.
606
00:27:07,147 --> 00:27:10,324
The decision is not
entirely up to me.
607
00:27:10,367 --> 00:27:12,674
In my opinion, you
are a great RA.
608
00:27:12,718 --> 00:27:15,329
You make my job a lot easier.
609
00:27:15,372 --> 00:27:18,680
So we've got 300 prospective
students coming--
610
00:27:18,724 --> 00:27:20,116
I'm going to put
you in charge of it.
611
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,291
Good call.
612
00:27:21,335 --> 00:27:22,336
Do tours.
613
00:27:22,379 --> 00:27:23,598
Whatever.
614
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:26,862
Get as many of them
signed up as possible.
615
00:27:26,906 --> 00:27:28,168
You're the ambassador.
616
00:27:28,211 --> 00:27:29,865
You're going to be the
face of the university.
617
00:27:29,909 --> 00:27:32,128
So I'm counting on you.
618
00:27:32,172 --> 00:27:33,782
I'll do what I can.
619
00:27:33,826 --> 00:27:35,392
Rock and roll.
620
00:27:35,436 --> 00:27:36,916
I'm not gay.
621
00:27:36,959 --> 00:27:38,004
Thank God.
622
00:27:40,963 --> 00:27:43,923
I mean, I had, you know,
one brief encounter, but--
623
00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:45,402
OK, I think we're
done for the day.
624
00:27:45,446 --> 00:27:45,925
All right.
625
00:27:45,968 --> 00:27:46,447
I gotta go.
626
00:27:46,490 --> 00:27:47,056
All right.
627
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:47,927
Go on.
628
00:27:51,844 --> 00:27:54,020
I bet they'll get
rid of you guys next.
629
00:27:54,063 --> 00:27:54,847
Whoa.
630
00:27:54,890 --> 00:27:55,804
Us?
631
00:27:55,848 --> 00:27:56,675
You're an RA.
632
00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:58,154
I've been here the longest.
633
00:27:58,198 --> 00:27:59,982
OK, what about Clement?
634
00:28:00,026 --> 00:28:00,809
Yeah?
635
00:28:00,853 --> 00:28:01,767
What about Clement?
636
00:28:01,810 --> 00:28:02,985
DREW: He's a first year.
637
00:28:03,029 --> 00:28:03,899
He's my best friend.
638
00:28:03,943 --> 00:28:04,900
He's not going anywhere.
639
00:28:04,944 --> 00:28:05,727
So what?
640
00:28:05,771 --> 00:28:07,337
You're just invincible?
641
00:28:07,381 --> 00:28:08,295
That's right.
642
00:28:11,254 --> 00:28:13,039
I'm Roman Bickerstaff.
643
00:28:13,082 --> 00:28:14,823
Don't you forget it.
644
00:28:14,867 --> 00:28:16,825
Don't you forget it, either.
645
00:28:16,869 --> 00:28:19,306
I'm going to be here
long after you guys
646
00:28:19,349 --> 00:28:23,179
are in the cold, cold grave.
647
00:28:23,223 --> 00:28:24,790
You OK, Roman?
648
00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,182
ROMAN: My Achilles.
649
00:28:28,881 --> 00:28:30,534
CLEMENT: Grades are
going to be a big issue
650
00:28:30,578 --> 00:28:32,449
for Roman getting the RA job.
651
00:28:32,493 --> 00:28:34,974
I mean I've let my
grades slip, but I'm
652
00:28:35,017 --> 00:28:36,889
still sitting around a 3.8.
653
00:28:36,932 --> 00:28:39,892
Roman, however, I mean--
654
00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,329
we live in a society
where grading
655
00:28:42,372 --> 00:28:46,289
systems act as a qualification
for all sorts of jobs.
656
00:28:46,333 --> 00:28:48,814
And sometimes Roman just
gets so absorbed in his work
657
00:28:48,857 --> 00:28:50,772
that he forgets he's at school.
658
00:28:50,816 --> 00:28:52,818
I mean, come on-- the guy
got an F in photography.
659
00:28:52,861 --> 00:28:56,169
That's a gimme class.
660
00:28:56,212 --> 00:28:57,431
ROMAN: Professor David?
661
00:28:57,474 --> 00:28:58,258
PROF.
662
00:28:58,301 --> 00:28:59,433
DAVID: Roman.
663
00:28:59,476 --> 00:29:00,390
Come on in.
664
00:29:00,434 --> 00:29:01,783
Have a seat.
665
00:29:01,827 --> 00:29:03,045
ROMAN: Thank you.
666
00:29:03,089 --> 00:29:05,526
I wanted to talk to you
about the papers you
667
00:29:05,569 --> 00:29:08,964
handed back in class yesterday.
668
00:29:09,008 --> 00:29:10,096
Mine has no grade--
669
00:29:10,139 --> 00:29:10,966
PROF.
670
00:29:11,010 --> 00:29:11,880
DAVID: Yeah.
671
00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:12,315
ROMAN: It just says, "see me."
672
00:29:12,359 --> 00:29:13,490
PROF.
673
00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:19,540
DAVID: Yeah, well,
it was very, too--
674
00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:22,064
it was very colloquial.
675
00:29:22,108 --> 00:29:24,806
ROMAN: Thank you very much.
676
00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:26,895
You know, my mother, she
always often would tell me
677
00:29:26,939 --> 00:29:29,898
I have a very colloquial nature.
678
00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:32,814
Roman, that's not a compliment.
679
00:29:32,858 --> 00:29:39,081
You spoke very lifelike, but
there was no scholarly pursuit
680
00:29:39,125 --> 00:29:40,953
to the language.
681
00:29:40,996 --> 00:29:42,345
Uh, hmm.
682
00:29:42,389 --> 00:29:45,914
Would you be able to show
me an example of what--
683
00:29:45,958 --> 00:29:47,524
I don't know-- I'm
drawing a blank
684
00:29:47,568 --> 00:29:48,830
on what you're saying here.
685
00:29:51,877 --> 00:29:55,445
Yeah, right here.
686
00:29:55,489 --> 00:30:00,450
"Caligula is estimated by
researchers to have gotten more
687
00:30:00,494 --> 00:30:03,976
ass than a dentist's chair.
688
00:30:04,019 --> 00:30:06,805
I think I know how he feels,
because I too am a Roman."
689
00:30:09,285 --> 00:30:10,547
Bit of humor.
690
00:30:10,591 --> 00:30:12,854
You know, all great
columnists do it.
691
00:30:12,898 --> 00:30:16,510
I mean, I think if you-- it's
very Dave Barry if you ask me.
692
00:30:16,553 --> 00:30:19,165
This isn't the
column in the Times.
693
00:30:19,208 --> 00:30:22,342
It's a class in ancient
to medieval ethics.
694
00:30:24,997 --> 00:30:27,477
I can make corrections, or--
695
00:30:27,521 --> 00:30:31,394
No, that's not
the issue at hand.
696
00:30:31,438 --> 00:30:34,441
You're going to need the faculty
support for this RA position
697
00:30:34,484 --> 00:30:37,313
we all know you're seeking.
698
00:30:37,357 --> 00:30:42,231
What I mean is, the school board
is going to ask for our opinion
699
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:44,364
on whether or not
you should be an RA.
700
00:30:44,407 --> 00:30:47,889
And quite frankly, your
grades don't reflect
701
00:30:47,933 --> 00:30:51,588
someone who could be an RA.
702
00:30:51,632 --> 00:30:54,069
Is this about
money, or something?
703
00:30:54,113 --> 00:30:54,896
No.
704
00:30:54,940 --> 00:30:56,245
This seems, uh, very--
705
00:30:56,289 --> 00:30:59,074
No, I think this filming
is probably getting
706
00:30:59,118 --> 00:31:00,380
in the way of your studying.
707
00:31:00,423 --> 00:31:01,903
OK, let me stop you right there.
708
00:31:01,947 --> 00:31:03,992
First of all, I didn't
ask these people--
709
00:31:04,036 --> 00:31:05,472
these documentarians,
this Ethan--
710
00:31:05,515 --> 00:31:06,734
you know.
711
00:31:06,777 --> 00:31:09,911
I didn't ask them to
film me, to seek me out.
712
00:31:09,955 --> 00:31:11,391
But here we are.
713
00:31:11,434 --> 00:31:12,609
Did you sign a release?
714
00:31:12,653 --> 00:31:14,394
Because they can't
put you into the film
715
00:31:14,437 --> 00:31:15,525
unless you sign a release.
716
00:31:15,569 --> 00:31:16,570
Roman.
717
00:31:16,613 --> 00:31:20,095
Roman, just bring
your grades up.
718
00:31:20,139 --> 00:31:21,140
ROMAN: Yeah.
719
00:31:21,183 --> 00:31:23,011
I'll get my grades
up, you teacher.
720
00:31:25,231 --> 00:31:26,754
PROF.
721
00:31:26,797 --> 00:31:28,364
LUNDERGAARD: I think what is
so mind-boggling about Roman
722
00:31:28,408 --> 00:31:31,498
to me is his lack
of realization.
723
00:31:31,541 --> 00:31:35,371
His aptitude for bulldozing
anyone, any time.
724
00:31:35,415 --> 00:31:39,462
He's like if you
cross Vlad the Impaler
725
00:31:39,506 --> 00:31:41,987
with Pee-wee Herman.
726
00:31:42,030 --> 00:31:46,034
I don't know whether to
take him serious or not.
727
00:31:46,078 --> 00:31:48,341
An essay by a
sophomore named Roman.
728
00:31:48,384 --> 00:31:51,953
The class, 19th century
American literature.
729
00:31:51,997 --> 00:31:53,955
Listen to this
title: "Tom and Huck,
730
00:31:53,999 --> 00:31:56,001
Couldn't They Just Get a Room?
731
00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:59,743
An In-depth Look at
Homoeroticism in Mark Twain."
732
00:31:59,787 --> 00:32:02,442
I keep this around
whenever I need a laugh.
733
00:32:22,288 --> 00:32:23,245
CLEMENT: Roman?
734
00:32:27,641 --> 00:32:30,122
Who's that?
735
00:32:30,165 --> 00:32:31,601
I don't know.
736
00:32:36,519 --> 00:32:37,477
ROMAN: Hey.
737
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,000
Hi.
738
00:32:39,044 --> 00:32:39,740
ROMAN: Hi.
739
00:32:39,783 --> 00:32:40,610
Hi.
740
00:32:40,654 --> 00:32:42,699
Are you poor?
741
00:32:42,743 --> 00:32:43,787
No.
742
00:32:43,831 --> 00:32:45,267
I mean, it's just,
you're gorgeous
743
00:32:45,311 --> 00:32:46,747
and you're working
in a cafeteria.
744
00:32:46,790 --> 00:32:48,009
Thanks.
745
00:32:48,053 --> 00:32:50,577
I mean, every penny
counts, right?
746
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,231
I'm Roman.
747
00:32:52,274 --> 00:32:53,101
I'm an RA.
748
00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:54,755
Hi, I'm Katie.
749
00:32:54,798 --> 00:32:56,017
I'm a cafeteria worker.
750
00:32:56,061 --> 00:32:57,758
I know it's weird,
but that's cool.
751
00:32:57,801 --> 00:33:01,501
Uh, they're making
a movie about me.
752
00:33:01,544 --> 00:33:04,678
Actually you can't be in the
shot until you sign a release.
753
00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:05,679
KATIE: Oh.
754
00:33:05,722 --> 00:33:06,985
OK.
755
00:33:07,028 --> 00:33:11,250
ROMAN: Um, Do you want
to go on a date with me?
756
00:33:11,293 --> 00:33:14,209
KATIE: Um, uh, no.
757
00:33:14,253 --> 00:33:16,211
Please?
758
00:33:16,255 --> 00:33:18,170
Um, OK.
759
00:33:18,213 --> 00:33:19,171
Cool.
760
00:33:19,214 --> 00:33:21,477
I'll pay for half of everything.
761
00:33:21,521 --> 00:33:22,478
Um...
762
00:33:22,522 --> 00:33:23,871
Here.
763
00:33:23,914 --> 00:33:26,178
Would you hold this until
the cameras are gone?
764
00:33:26,221 --> 00:33:27,614
ROMAN: Chick said yeah, Clement.
765
00:33:27,657 --> 00:33:28,615
CLEMENT: Cool.
766
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:34,621
KATIE: Who hasn't been
on a pity date before?
767
00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:38,451
I mean, Roman seems nice.
768
00:33:38,494 --> 00:33:41,715
He could use a haircut,
and maybe a shower.
769
00:33:41,758 --> 00:33:44,065
ROMAN: We're going
to take the added
770
00:33:44,109 --> 00:33:46,546
attention today of getting
the old girl sparkling again.
771
00:33:46,589 --> 00:33:48,504
John wants us to
get the dorm ready.
772
00:33:48,548 --> 00:33:50,637
You get 700 some odd
guys living together
773
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,466
and the place can turn
into a dump pretty quick.
774
00:33:53,509 --> 00:33:58,079
CLEMENT: The warts on my feet
are just awful right now.
775
00:33:58,123 --> 00:33:59,863
[LOUDSPEAKER SIREN]
776
00:33:59,907 --> 00:34:01,430
ROMAN: Greetings, everyone.
777
00:34:01,474 --> 00:34:05,695
I am Roman Bickerstaff, I am
an RA here at Langford dorm,
778
00:34:05,739 --> 00:34:07,741
here at Northern Illinois
College of the Americas.
779
00:34:07,784 --> 00:34:10,787
Up here with me are my
cohorts, my sergeants
780
00:34:10,831 --> 00:34:14,269
in arms, my companions.
781
00:34:14,313 --> 00:34:16,097
Clement San Pedro,
my best friend.
782
00:34:16,141 --> 00:34:17,533
And the others.
783
00:34:17,577 --> 00:34:20,841
What we're going to do
today is show you the dorm,
784
00:34:20,884 --> 00:34:22,364
and take you on a
tour and show you
785
00:34:22,408 --> 00:34:23,626
what it looks like around here.
786
00:34:23,670 --> 00:34:24,801
The rooms and everything.
787
00:34:24,845 --> 00:34:26,325
And then we want you
to sign something
788
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:27,543
that says, "I wanna come here."
789
00:34:27,587 --> 00:34:29,241
CLEMENT: You're gonna
love this school.
790
00:34:29,284 --> 00:34:31,373
ROMAN: It's a great
school. it's fun.
791
00:34:31,417 --> 00:34:32,722
It's open-minded.
792
00:34:32,766 --> 00:34:34,202
Progressive in some ways.
793
00:34:34,246 --> 00:34:35,464
You know, it's a good place.
794
00:34:35,508 --> 00:34:37,205
It's a good place
to go to school.
795
00:34:37,249 --> 00:34:39,120
You know, 60 years
ago, you know,
796
00:34:39,164 --> 00:34:41,905
guys like you might not
have got accepted, but--
797
00:34:41,949 --> 00:34:44,256
CLEMENT: Rest assured,
we did integrate.
798
00:34:44,299 --> 00:34:45,518
We got that down.
799
00:34:45,561 --> 00:34:46,736
ROMAN: First they put
the euphemisms down
800
00:34:46,780 --> 00:34:48,129
in the basement.
801
00:34:48,173 --> 00:34:50,218
You know, out of sight,
out of mind was the idea,
802
00:34:50,262 --> 00:34:52,916
but then slowly they brought
them up into the light of day.
803
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:53,787
DREW: Roman!
804
00:34:53,830 --> 00:34:54,744
SHAWN: OK, Roman.
805
00:34:54,788 --> 00:34:55,615
That's enough.
806
00:34:55,658 --> 00:34:57,182
ROMAN: Yeah, that's enough.
807
00:34:57,225 --> 00:35:00,533
But, you're all welcome, and
it looks good on brochures.
808
00:35:00,576 --> 00:35:01,708
Yeah.
809
00:35:01,751 --> 00:35:03,405
Let's go ahead and
start with the tour.
810
00:35:03,449 --> 00:35:04,276
All right.
811
00:35:04,319 --> 00:35:05,625
Everybody follow me!
812
00:35:05,668 --> 00:35:08,193
CLEMENT: Whoo!
813
00:35:08,236 --> 00:35:10,760
ROMAN: Interesting tidbit:
before this building
814
00:35:10,804 --> 00:35:12,806
was purchased as a
dormitory, the state
815
00:35:12,849 --> 00:35:16,766
used it as a maximum security
ward for an insane asylum.
816
00:35:16,810 --> 00:35:19,639
They stored all the criminally
deranged around here.
817
00:35:19,682 --> 00:35:21,293
We found an old severed toe.
818
00:35:21,336 --> 00:35:22,946
CLEMENT: Yeah.
819
00:35:22,990 --> 00:35:25,166
And Roger Corman-- he actually
made a movie about this place
820
00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:25,906
in the sixties.
821
00:35:25,949 --> 00:35:27,342
SHAWN: All right, guys.
822
00:35:27,386 --> 00:35:28,865
This is one of our study rooms.
823
00:35:28,909 --> 00:35:30,345
We have plenty of
them on campus,
824
00:35:30,389 --> 00:35:32,304
but this is just one
of the one's that we
825
00:35:32,347 --> 00:35:33,609
have in our building here.
826
00:35:33,653 --> 00:35:35,698
ROMAN: This is also the
spot my dad was killed.
827
00:35:35,742 --> 00:35:37,526
Shot dead right here.
828
00:35:37,570 --> 00:35:38,701
True story.
829
00:35:38,745 --> 00:35:41,791
So here's to you, old man.
830
00:35:41,835 --> 00:35:42,662
Rest in peace.
831
00:35:42,705 --> 00:35:43,489
Here we go.
832
00:35:43,532 --> 00:35:45,534
Onwards!
833
00:35:45,578 --> 00:35:46,405
And upwards!
834
00:35:49,321 --> 00:35:52,889
STUDENT: Is he like a ghost?
835
00:35:52,933 --> 00:35:56,545
Not everything we do as an RA is
836
00:35:56,589 --> 00:36:00,288
from an authoritative
standpoint.
837
00:36:00,332 --> 00:36:03,204
We discipline as a
father would, yes.
838
00:36:03,248 --> 00:36:06,207
But sometimes it pays to be
sensitive, like a mother.
839
00:36:06,251 --> 00:36:09,428
Sometimes a guy will come in
the room, [KNOCKING ON TABLE]
840
00:36:09,471 --> 00:36:11,473
"Roman, my girlfriend
broke up with me.
841
00:36:11,517 --> 00:36:13,214
My heart, it hurts.
842
00:36:13,258 --> 00:36:14,650
It hurts so bad."
843
00:36:14,694 --> 00:36:18,001
You know, that's when
the psychologist of an RA
844
00:36:18,045 --> 00:36:19,612
has to come out of you.
845
00:36:19,655 --> 00:36:23,572
You know, and you say things
like, "It'll be OK," you know,
846
00:36:23,616 --> 00:36:26,575
"plenty of fish in the sea,"
"quit crying like a fag,"
847
00:36:26,619 --> 00:36:27,489
you know.
848
00:36:27,533 --> 00:36:29,491
And you send them on their way.
849
00:36:29,535 --> 00:36:30,840
PROSPECTIVE STUDENT: How do
you know your way around here?
850
00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:32,233
Everything looks the same.
851
00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:34,496
Accommodation is the key
to success in life, son.
852
00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:36,368
You learn that, you
can learn anything.
853
00:36:36,411 --> 00:36:37,107
All right.
854
00:36:37,151 --> 00:36:38,718
Now, gather on up here.
855
00:36:38,761 --> 00:36:41,286
Now, to give you guys an idea
of what the rooms look like,
856
00:36:41,329 --> 00:36:43,331
I want to show you one
of our showrooms, OK?
857
00:36:43,375 --> 00:36:45,507
Give you the dimensions
and everything.
858
00:36:45,551 --> 00:36:46,856
STUDENT: Get the fuck out!
859
00:36:46,900 --> 00:36:50,425
Get the fuck out!
860
00:36:50,469 --> 00:36:53,602
CLEMENT: Actually that
would be our showroom.
861
00:36:53,646 --> 00:36:54,908
ROMAN: Yeah, right.
862
00:36:54,951 --> 00:36:56,475
Everything does kind of
look a little the same.
863
00:36:56,518 --> 00:36:58,259
I usually walk from
that end of the hall.
864
00:36:58,303 --> 00:37:00,696
Go on in if you want to take a
look at our showroom in here,
865
00:37:00,740 --> 00:37:01,871
see what we got.
866
00:37:01,915 --> 00:37:03,873
That guy was putting
the screws to her.
867
00:37:03,917 --> 00:37:06,441
Bickerstaff, why is every
fucking thing with you
868
00:37:06,485 --> 00:37:07,486
a travesty?
869
00:37:07,529 --> 00:37:08,965
ROMAN: What are
you talking about?
870
00:37:09,009 --> 00:37:10,097
The shit you pulled back
there with the tour group.
871
00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:10,576
ROMAN: We're just
doing a tour, man.
872
00:37:10,619 --> 00:37:11,490
Who cares?
873
00:37:11,533 --> 00:37:12,839
It's just showing them things.
874
00:37:12,882 --> 00:37:14,014
CLEMENT: Wee trying to get
them excited about the school.
875
00:37:14,057 --> 00:37:15,798
DREW: Guys, we'll
split up the groups.
876
00:37:15,842 --> 00:37:18,366
You guys will take
half, we'll take half.
877
00:37:18,410 --> 00:37:19,062
Easy.
878
00:37:19,106 --> 00:37:21,282
We'll split up.
879
00:37:21,326 --> 00:37:24,546
Fuck the both of you.
880
00:37:24,590 --> 00:37:26,461
I don't have a key.
881
00:37:26,505 --> 00:37:27,680
I don't have my key on me.
882
00:37:27,723 --> 00:37:28,333
ROMAN: I left my key inside.
883
00:37:28,376 --> 00:37:29,159
OK, yeah--
884
00:37:29,203 --> 00:37:33,294
CLEMENT: Those dick holes.
885
00:37:33,338 --> 00:37:35,905
Now, here is the old washroom.
886
00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:38,952
It's a little, a little dirty,
a little funky smelling,
887
00:37:38,995 --> 00:37:40,301
but it gets the job done.
888
00:37:40,345 --> 00:37:41,433
It'll get your clothes clean.
889
00:37:41,476 --> 00:37:42,738
Uh, that's actually not true.
890
00:37:42,782 --> 00:37:43,565
Yeah... no, no.
891
00:37:43,609 --> 00:37:44,566
ROMAN: I'm not gonna lie.
892
00:37:44,610 --> 00:37:47,787
It's $4.75 a load.
893
00:37:47,830 --> 00:37:50,920
And what I do is, I take my
stuff up to this Chinaman
894
00:37:50,964 --> 00:37:51,965
up the road.
895
00:37:52,008 --> 00:37:53,749
He gets my stuff
looking, you know,
896
00:37:53,793 --> 00:37:55,055
better than when I bought it.
897
00:37:55,098 --> 00:37:57,362
Actually this washer
right here will put rust
898
00:37:57,405 --> 00:37:58,711
stains in all of your clothes.
899
00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:00,669
And actually the rest of
them don't even start.
900
00:38:00,713 --> 00:38:02,758
Yeah, what I do,
is I give it a couple
901
00:38:02,802 --> 00:38:05,587
of the old American
engineer, and they'll start.
902
00:38:05,631 --> 00:38:06,806
Holy Jesus!
903
00:38:06,849 --> 00:38:07,807
Look at that!
904
00:38:07,850 --> 00:38:08,982
Whoa!
905
00:38:09,025 --> 00:38:10,810
That is biggest bag
of-- look at that!
906
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:12,420
That's a lot of pot.
907
00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:13,421
I know.
908
00:38:13,465 --> 00:38:14,422
Who would've thought?
909
00:38:14,466 --> 00:38:17,382
That's Mississippi Quiver.
910
00:38:17,425 --> 00:38:19,427
JIM: Well, some startling
news for you tonight.
911
00:38:19,471 --> 00:38:21,081
If you're the parent
of a college student,
912
00:38:21,124 --> 00:38:23,083
you often worry about
your son or daughter being
913
00:38:23,126 --> 00:38:24,519
peer pressured with drugs.
914
00:38:24,563 --> 00:38:26,739
But at Northern Illinois
College of the Americas,
915
00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:29,785
smoking marijuana is as
common as going to class.
916
00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:31,657
And most of the students
are fine with it.
917
00:38:31,700 --> 00:38:34,355
Our own Janice Mason has more.
918
00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:36,618
JANICE: Jim, The
Blazing Gazette has
919
00:38:36,662 --> 00:38:39,578
named Northern Illinois
College of the Americas
920
00:38:39,621 --> 00:38:41,841
the 4:20 school of the year.
921
00:38:41,884 --> 00:38:43,451
And rightfully so.
922
00:38:43,495 --> 00:38:45,584
Eight out of ten
students here support
923
00:38:45,627 --> 00:38:47,760
the legalization of marijuana.
924
00:38:47,803 --> 00:38:50,458
Most of us just don't
really see the big deal.
925
00:38:50,502 --> 00:38:52,808
Other states have
already decriminalized it.
926
00:38:52,852 --> 00:38:55,420
JANICE: As I said,
most NICA students
927
00:38:55,463 --> 00:38:57,552
are in favor of
decriminalization,
928
00:38:57,596 --> 00:38:59,598
however there is
one student here
929
00:38:59,641 --> 00:39:02,601
that thinks the best deterrent
is a harsher punishment.
930
00:39:02,644 --> 00:39:04,951
The school sort of has
a slap on the wrist policy
931
00:39:04,994 --> 00:39:06,692
if you're caught with marijuana.
932
00:39:06,735 --> 00:39:10,348
In Tehran, if you get high,
they'll cut your genitals off.
933
00:39:13,089 --> 00:39:14,743
Find the balance.
934
00:39:14,787 --> 00:39:16,702
JOHN: 300 kids came
through the dorm
935
00:39:16,745 --> 00:39:20,619
last week, In Drew and
Shawn's group, 61 turned
936
00:39:20,662 --> 00:39:23,404
in applications for next year.
937
00:39:23,448 --> 00:39:25,928
Guess how many your group got.
938
00:39:25,972 --> 00:39:26,799
73.
939
00:39:26,842 --> 00:39:27,669
82.
940
00:39:27,713 --> 00:39:28,627
81.
941
00:39:28,670 --> 00:39:29,497
Well that's cheap.
942
00:39:29,541 --> 00:39:30,324
You can't go lower than me.
943
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,891
I'll do whatever I want.
944
00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:34,850
80.
945
00:39:34,894 --> 00:39:37,636
This isn't The Price is Right.
946
00:39:37,679 --> 00:39:39,855
Here, let me tell you.
947
00:39:39,899 --> 00:39:41,857
Two!
948
00:39:41,901 --> 00:39:45,470
So what do you think
the problem was?
949
00:39:45,513 --> 00:39:47,428
Tough crowd?
950
00:39:47,472 --> 00:39:50,475
No, Clement, the
problem wasn't the crowd.
951
00:39:50,518 --> 00:39:51,867
It may have been
that you were found
952
00:39:51,911 --> 00:39:54,566
with a garbage bag full
of marijuana in front
953
00:39:54,609 --> 00:39:56,655
of the students and parents.
954
00:39:56,698 --> 00:39:59,048
John, buddy.
955
00:39:59,092 --> 00:40:00,746
Put yourself into the scenario.
956
00:40:00,789 --> 00:40:02,791
I mean, we're there.
957
00:40:02,835 --> 00:40:04,663
You know, we find it.
958
00:40:04,706 --> 00:40:05,751
We grab it.
959
00:40:05,794 --> 00:40:07,709
You know, what
would you have done?
960
00:40:07,753 --> 00:40:10,756
Not drawn attention to it.
961
00:40:10,799 --> 00:40:13,193
We're in a position where we're
trying to promote the school,
962
00:40:13,236 --> 00:40:16,196
and you're scaring people
off with a giant bag of doob.
963
00:40:20,113 --> 00:40:25,161
You need to start
using your head.
964
00:40:25,205 --> 00:40:30,079
ROMAN: I can't find my
black shirt anywhere.
965
00:40:30,123 --> 00:40:33,561
ETHAN: Are you worried
about getting the RA job?
966
00:40:33,605 --> 00:40:36,259
Why would I be
worried about that?
967
00:40:36,303 --> 00:40:37,696
I'd be more worried
about getting
968
00:40:37,739 --> 00:40:40,481
trampled by an albino rhino
or something like that.
969
00:40:40,525 --> 00:40:43,615
ETHAN: Well, they could
the job to Shawn or Drew.
970
00:40:43,658 --> 00:40:46,139
ROMAN: Ethan, right now
all I'm thinking about
971
00:40:46,182 --> 00:40:47,706
is getting my pork pulled.
972
00:40:47,749 --> 00:40:49,490
CLEMENT: Roman, should you
really be going out on a date
973
00:40:49,534 --> 00:40:50,143
right now?
974
00:40:50,186 --> 00:40:51,231
It's Katie, man.
975
00:40:51,274 --> 00:40:52,362
It's Katie.
976
00:40:52,406 --> 00:40:53,102
CLEMENT: So you're
in love with her?
977
00:40:53,146 --> 00:40:54,887
Oh, brother.
978
00:40:54,930 --> 00:40:57,803
Sometimes you just know
someone is the one.
979
00:40:57,846 --> 00:40:59,457
You feel it.
980
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:02,982
I don't know if she spells her
name with a Y or an I-E, but--
981
00:41:03,025 --> 00:41:06,115
I think I'm in love
with this bitch.
982
00:41:06,159 --> 00:41:07,769
ETHAN: How long have
you been dating?
983
00:41:07,813 --> 00:41:10,555
ROMAN: This is our first
date actually, officially.
984
00:41:10,598 --> 00:41:11,947
But we've been
getting some quality
985
00:41:11,991 --> 00:41:13,993
minutes in, hallways and--
986
00:41:14,036 --> 00:41:18,040
saw her in a gas station
once buying a burrito.
987
00:41:18,084 --> 00:41:21,609
Cameras you might not be able to
come, though, because this girl
988
00:41:21,653 --> 00:41:23,524
might-- she's gonna, "Roman!"
989
00:41:23,568 --> 00:41:25,961
You know, and then in
the backseat of the--
990
00:41:26,005 --> 00:41:27,528
doing some of this.
991
00:41:27,572 --> 00:41:28,834
Some, you know, here.
992
00:41:28,877 --> 00:41:30,836
And then the-- this thing.
993
00:41:30,879 --> 00:41:32,054
And ahhh.
994
00:41:32,098 --> 00:41:34,796
That's what could happen.
995
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:35,667
Hey!
996
00:41:35,710 --> 00:41:38,844
Can I borrow your car?
997
00:41:38,887 --> 00:41:41,629
CLEMENT: [GROANING]
998
00:41:42,282 --> 00:41:52,161
ROMAN [LAUGHING]: So he
said to the pawnbroker,
999
00:41:52,205 --> 00:41:55,164
"How much for the dead--
1000
00:41:55,208 --> 00:41:56,644
How much for the dead Sheltie?"
1001
00:41:59,299 --> 00:42:01,693
KATIE: You're insane.
1002
00:42:01,736 --> 00:42:05,871
ROMAN: I make myself laugh.
1003
00:42:05,914 --> 00:42:08,874
I wonder where our
sandwiches are?
1004
00:42:08,917 --> 00:42:09,831
I'm hungry.
1005
00:42:15,794 --> 00:42:25,804
[SNORTING] I'm going
to make myself pee.
1006
00:42:25,847 --> 00:42:31,549
[SNORTING] I'm going
to make myself pee.
1007
00:42:39,339 --> 00:42:41,254
ROMAN: So that was
fun tonight, huh?
1008
00:42:41,297 --> 00:42:43,909
KATIE: Yeah, um, I guess.
1009
00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:45,214
ROMAN: Did you like the food?
1010
00:42:45,258 --> 00:42:46,868
It's fancy.
1011
00:42:46,912 --> 00:42:48,609
KATIE: It was-- it was fine.
1012
00:42:48,653 --> 00:42:49,915
ROMAN: Yeah, Greasy
Joe makes one
1013
00:42:49,958 --> 00:42:51,177
hell of a pulled pork sandwich.
1014
00:42:51,220 --> 00:42:53,048
KATIE: Hmm.
1015
00:42:53,092 --> 00:42:54,876
ROMAN: You want a little music?
1016
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:55,703
KATIE: I'm OK.
1017
00:42:55,747 --> 00:42:57,009
Don't worry about it.
1018
00:42:57,052 --> 00:42:58,010
ROMAN: Oh, it's good for
setting the, uh, mood.
1019
00:42:58,053 --> 00:43:00,099
KATIE: That's OK.
1020
00:43:00,142 --> 00:43:01,622
So you and, uh--
1021
00:43:01,666 --> 00:43:03,842
you and Clement must
be pretty good friends.
1022
00:43:03,885 --> 00:43:05,060
ROMAN: Clement?
1023
00:43:05,104 --> 00:43:06,627
Oh, he's the best.
1024
00:43:06,671 --> 00:43:10,370
He's like a little brother
and best friend all rolled up
1025
00:43:10,413 --> 00:43:12,241
in one chubby little package.
1026
00:43:12,285 --> 00:43:16,811
KATIE: It's just,
uh., kind of awkward
1027
00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:18,639
having him here right now.
1028
00:43:18,683 --> 00:43:20,075
ROMAN: Gotcha.
1029
00:43:20,119 --> 00:43:21,903
Hey, Clement, would you mind
giving us a few minutes?
1030
00:43:21,947 --> 00:43:22,904
CLEMENT: Sure thing, Roman.
1031
00:43:22,948 --> 00:43:24,036
ROMAN: All right.
1032
00:43:24,079 --> 00:43:24,863
CLEMENT: Just honk
a couple of times
1033
00:43:24,906 --> 00:43:25,994
when you've done the deed.
1034
00:43:26,038 --> 00:43:26,821
ROMAN: Oh, it shouldn't
take too long.
1035
00:43:26,865 --> 00:43:27,953
KATIE: What?
1036
00:43:27,996 --> 00:43:28,910
[CAR DOOR SLAMMING]
1037
00:43:28,954 --> 00:43:29,781
KATIE: What?
1038
00:43:29,824 --> 00:43:30,738
ROMAN: Is that better?
1039
00:43:30,782 --> 00:43:32,174
KATIE: Uh, no.
1040
00:43:32,218 --> 00:43:33,654
It's still pretty awkward.
1041
00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:37,963
ROMAN: You know, Katie, I
have been having the most
1042
00:43:38,006 --> 00:43:40,008
stressful week imaginable.
1043
00:43:40,052 --> 00:43:43,272
You couldn't even
begin to comprehend--
1044
00:43:43,316 --> 00:43:47,363
grades, the RA thing
that's going on right now.
1045
00:43:47,407 --> 00:43:52,804
I found an ingrown hair on
my ball the size of a globe.
1046
00:43:52,847 --> 00:43:54,457
KATIE: That's beyond disgusting.
1047
00:43:54,501 --> 00:43:57,460
ROMAN: It's a horrible way to
start your day, you're right.
1048
00:43:57,504 --> 00:43:58,287
Look.
1049
00:43:58,331 --> 00:43:59,114
[ZIPPER NOISE]
1050
00:43:59,158 --> 00:44:00,072
KATIE: What was that?
1051
00:44:00,115 --> 00:44:00,942
Oh, my God.
1052
00:44:00,986 --> 00:44:01,682
ROMAN: What?
1053
00:44:01,726 --> 00:44:02,204
KATIE: Stop.
1054
00:44:02,248 --> 00:44:03,075
ROMAN: What?
1055
00:44:03,118 --> 00:44:04,337
KATIE: That's so disgusting.
1056
00:44:04,380 --> 00:44:05,164
Roman!
1057
00:44:05,207 --> 00:44:06,295
God.
1058
00:44:06,339 --> 00:44:07,470
Hey!
1059
00:44:07,514 --> 00:44:08,994
CLEMENT: Why'd she
run away like that?
1060
00:44:09,037 --> 00:44:10,473
ROMAN: I don't know.
1061
00:44:10,517 --> 00:44:11,213
I showed her that ingrown
hair, you know that one I
1062
00:44:11,257 --> 00:44:12,867
showed you this morning?
1063
00:44:12,911 --> 00:44:14,826
Girls just can't handle
that medical type shit.
1064
00:44:14,869 --> 00:44:15,783
CLEMENT: Yeah, I know.
1065
00:44:15,827 --> 00:44:17,219
ROMAN: Sensitive stomach.
1066
00:44:17,263 --> 00:44:19,482
DEAN: We know that pot's
going to be found on campus.
1067
00:44:19,526 --> 00:44:20,701
It's not like we're naive.
1068
00:44:20,745 --> 00:44:22,747
ROMAN: It's a
nationwide epidemic.
1069
00:44:22,790 --> 00:44:24,444
JOHN: But this
last batch that was
1070
00:44:24,487 --> 00:44:26,446
found, it makes us
think that there
1071
00:44:26,489 --> 00:44:29,057
are some serious narcotics
dealings going on, on campus.
1072
00:44:29,101 --> 00:44:30,972
ROMAN: I don't like to
throw this word around,
1073
00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:34,193
but trafficking.
1074
00:44:34,236 --> 00:44:36,151
CLEMENT: I always
found it very mellowing
1075
00:44:36,195 --> 00:44:37,762
and calming on my nerves.
1076
00:44:37,805 --> 00:44:41,287
But it took me damn near
forever to get off of it.
1077
00:44:41,330 --> 00:44:43,942
I really don't like when
people say it's not addictive.
1078
00:44:43,985 --> 00:44:47,815
I would kill every single
person in this room
1079
00:44:47,859 --> 00:44:49,904
right now just for one toke.
1080
00:44:49,948 --> 00:44:52,428
We got really
suspicious when all
1081
00:44:52,472 --> 00:44:54,517
we heard coming from
his bedroom was Dave
1082
00:44:54,561 --> 00:44:57,129
Matthews Band all the time.
1083
00:44:57,172 --> 00:45:00,306
And we were always out
of paper clips and cookies.
1084
00:45:00,349 --> 00:45:04,005
CLEMENT: Look, if you
find any amount on campus,
1085
00:45:04,049 --> 00:45:05,311
you need to call us.
1086
00:45:05,354 --> 00:45:08,183
DEAN: Guys, I know in
the past, you probably
1087
00:45:08,227 --> 00:45:10,272
found a small amount, and
you've thrown it away,
1088
00:45:10,316 --> 00:45:12,797
but the school is taking a
zero tolerance stance from here
1089
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:13,754
on out.
1090
00:45:13,798 --> 00:45:15,451
That's expulsion in all cases.
1091
00:45:15,495 --> 00:45:18,541
So a dime-sized bag
can get someone expelled?
1092
00:45:18,585 --> 00:45:20,413
Yes, that's the new policy.
1093
00:45:20,456 --> 00:45:22,328
SHAWN: That seems a
little harsh, doesn't it?
1094
00:45:22,371 --> 00:45:24,765
DEAN: All things
considered, no it does not.
1095
00:45:24,809 --> 00:45:27,986
JOHN: This is a
school, not Woodstock.
1096
00:45:28,029 --> 00:45:29,161
Look at his shirt.
1097
00:45:33,818 --> 00:45:36,037
ROMAN: Thank you all
for coming today.
1098
00:45:36,081 --> 00:45:38,561
Each one of you has
a special skill,
1099
00:45:38,605 --> 00:45:40,476
and I have personally
selected you to serve
1100
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,130
on my investigation squad.
1101
00:45:42,174 --> 00:45:43,392
What?
1102
00:45:43,436 --> 00:45:44,872
Us and Clement?
1103
00:45:44,916 --> 00:45:46,134
ROMAN: Yes.
1104
00:45:46,178 --> 00:45:47,483
SHAWN: It's not really a squad.
1105
00:45:47,527 --> 00:45:48,833
ROMAN: What do you mean?
1106
00:45:48,876 --> 00:45:50,791
Four is not a squad.
1107
00:45:50,835 --> 00:45:52,184
ROMAN: Sure it is.
1108
00:45:52,227 --> 00:45:54,882
Plus, you know, it'll look
better for the cinema.
1109
00:45:54,926 --> 00:45:56,492
It's not a squad.
1110
00:45:56,536 --> 00:45:58,146
ROMAN: Well, we'll pull out a
dictionary later, all right?
1111
00:45:58,190 --> 00:46:00,366
Right now we have a
bigger issue at hand.
1112
00:46:00,409 --> 00:46:01,236
Pot.
1113
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,760
Marijuana.
1114
00:46:02,803 --> 00:46:04,152
For more on this subject,
I'd like to turn things over
1115
00:46:04,196 --> 00:46:05,240
to Special Agent Sam Pedro.
1116
00:46:05,284 --> 00:46:06,372
Clement, if you please.
1117
00:46:06,415 --> 00:46:08,809
CLEMENT: Thank you
very much, Roman.
1118
00:46:08,853 --> 00:46:12,900
And thank you all gentlemen
for coming this evening.
1119
00:46:12,944 --> 00:46:15,511
I just wanted to give
a brief demonstration
1120
00:46:15,555 --> 00:46:17,905
on the subject at hand.
1121
00:46:17,949 --> 00:46:18,863
Pot.
1122
00:46:18,906 --> 00:46:20,603
Marijuana.
1123
00:46:20,647 --> 00:46:23,824
Which has been known to be
rolled up into cigarettes
1124
00:46:23,868 --> 00:46:27,959
and smoked in devices
such as pipes or bongs.
1125
00:46:28,002 --> 00:46:36,097
Street hooks for marijuana:
weed, Greta, Aunt Mary,
1126
00:46:36,141 --> 00:46:39,231
Bellyando Spruce, Boo Boo Bamma.
1127
00:46:39,274 --> 00:46:41,842
SHAWN: I'm sorry, what
exactly are you planning here?
1128
00:46:41,886 --> 00:46:43,888
ROMAN: That is an
excellent question.
1129
00:46:43,931 --> 00:46:46,542
We're thinking of a
three tiered approach.
1130
00:46:46,586 --> 00:46:50,242
Infiltrate, imitate, intimidate.
1131
00:46:50,285 --> 00:46:51,809
The three Is.
1132
00:46:51,852 --> 00:46:55,464
We started off with installing
a rudimentary Patriot Act.
1133
00:46:55,508 --> 00:46:57,292
CLEMENT: Code name:
Project Nugent.
1134
00:46:57,336 --> 00:46:58,903
SHAWN: Please, let's
not do anything
1135
00:46:58,946 --> 00:47:00,556
grossly unconstitutional here.
1136
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,907
ROMAN: Well, they did sign away
some of their civil liberties
1137
00:47:02,950 --> 00:47:03,864
when they came to NICA.
1138
00:47:03,908 --> 00:47:04,952
SHAWN: OK.
1139
00:47:04,996 --> 00:47:07,128
You know what?
1140
00:47:07,172 --> 00:47:09,652
Roman, good luck.
1141
00:47:09,696 --> 00:47:12,873
Let me know how everything goes.
1142
00:47:12,917 --> 00:47:14,135
DREW: You guys have fun.
1143
00:47:19,662 --> 00:47:22,317
ROMAN: They go at the
top of the suspect list.
1144
00:47:22,361 --> 00:47:23,362
Done.
1145
00:47:26,321 --> 00:47:28,889
ROMAN: I liked your
presentation, by the way.
1146
00:47:28,933 --> 00:47:31,022
CLEMENT: Thank you, Roman.
1147
00:47:31,065 --> 00:47:34,329
ROMAN: We're doing a little
stakeout, surveillance today.
1148
00:47:34,373 --> 00:47:37,419
Clement and I think
it needs to be done.
1149
00:47:37,463 --> 00:47:40,292
It I'll be missing my English
and sociology, but it's--
1150
00:47:40,335 --> 00:47:41,119
hey.
1151
00:47:41,162 --> 00:47:42,163
CLEMENT: Hey.
1152
00:47:42,207 --> 00:47:42,816
ROMAN: Did you get the supplies?
1153
00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:43,382
CLEMENT: Oh, yeah.
1154
00:47:46,515 --> 00:47:48,909
ROMAN: What have we got here?
1155
00:47:48,953 --> 00:47:51,172
CLEMENT: Got some num nums.
1156
00:47:51,216 --> 00:47:52,391
ROMAN: Good.
1157
00:47:52,434 --> 00:47:53,348
Nutrient stuff.
1158
00:47:53,392 --> 00:47:54,262
That's--
1159
00:47:54,306 --> 00:47:55,481
CLEMENT: Agua to keep us going.
1160
00:47:55,524 --> 00:47:57,918
ROMAN: Hydration.
1161
00:47:57,962 --> 00:47:59,354
CLEMENT: And, uh--
1162
00:47:59,398 --> 00:48:01,226
I got these binoculars
from my nephew.
1163
00:48:01,269 --> 00:48:04,185
They're from the commando
adventure playset.
1164
00:48:04,229 --> 00:48:05,360
ROMAN: Are they plastic?
1165
00:48:05,404 --> 00:48:08,450
CLEMENT: Yeah, but
they work all right.
1166
00:48:08,494 --> 00:48:09,712
ROMAN: Yeah, you're right.
1167
00:48:09,756 --> 00:48:10,583
They're not bad.
1168
00:48:13,281 --> 00:48:15,240
Rock and roll.
1169
00:48:15,283 --> 00:48:17,459
Oh, shit this is a dead end.
1170
00:48:17,503 --> 00:48:20,288
CLEMENT: Yeah, what's
in that backpack?
1171
00:48:20,332 --> 00:48:22,290
ROMAN: I don't know.
1172
00:48:22,334 --> 00:48:25,293
CLEMENT: Could be drugs.
1173
00:48:25,337 --> 00:48:27,252
Or textbooks.
1174
00:48:27,295 --> 00:48:30,081
ROMAN: Could be drugs
in his textbook.
1175
00:48:30,124 --> 00:48:31,691
ROMAN: So then the
professor looked at me
1176
00:48:31,734 --> 00:48:34,346
and he said, "It's
Immanuel Kant.
1177
00:48:34,389 --> 00:48:35,216
Kant!
1178
00:48:35,260 --> 00:48:36,522
With an A."
1179
00:48:36,565 --> 00:48:38,132
And I said, "Well, how
have I been saying it?
1180
00:48:38,176 --> 00:48:40,221
"And he said, "With a U!"
1181
00:48:40,265 --> 00:48:42,963
And I said, "Well, that's
your problem, buddy."
1182
00:48:43,007 --> 00:48:45,096
ROMAN: We've got a little
sting operation going here.
1183
00:48:45,139 --> 00:48:46,401
We got Clement out there.
1184
00:48:46,445 --> 00:48:48,229
He's gonna try to make
a sale-- he's gonna
1185
00:48:48,273 --> 00:48:50,014
fist bump if he makes the sale.
1186
00:48:50,057 --> 00:48:53,669
So, I know he's kind of standing
there a little prostitute-like
1187
00:48:53,713 --> 00:48:56,498
at the moment.
1188
00:48:56,542 --> 00:48:59,066
See if he can work some charm.
1189
00:48:59,110 --> 00:49:02,417
Got someone walking up there.
1190
00:49:02,461 --> 00:49:06,421
See what a-- hey,
man, how's it going?
1191
00:49:06,465 --> 00:49:08,380
Uh oh, we might--
1192
00:49:08,423 --> 00:49:10,773
do we got something here?
1193
00:49:10,817 --> 00:49:12,732
Do we got a little talking?
1194
00:49:12,775 --> 00:49:14,299
Play it cool, man.
1195
00:49:14,342 --> 00:49:16,257
Play it cool.
1196
00:49:16,301 --> 00:49:17,650
That was a hand--
1197
00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:20,261
they just shook hands.
1198
00:49:20,305 --> 00:49:23,612
You know what, I
didn't see a fist bump.
1199
00:49:23,656 --> 00:49:25,179
Oh, he bumped him.
1200
00:49:25,223 --> 00:49:26,224
He bumped him.
1201
00:49:26,267 --> 00:49:27,268
That was a bump.
1202
00:49:27,312 --> 00:49:28,661
Come back here you
son of a bitch!
1203
00:49:28,704 --> 00:49:29,792
Oh, we got you.
1204
00:49:29,836 --> 00:49:31,098
Oh, yeah.
1205
00:49:31,142 --> 00:49:32,230
Fuck, where you going?
1206
00:49:32,273 --> 00:49:33,100
Where you going?
1207
00:49:33,144 --> 00:49:34,101
He cut across the field.
1208
00:49:34,145 --> 00:49:35,624
He cut across the field.
1209
00:49:35,668 --> 00:49:36,538
Hey!
1210
00:49:40,325 --> 00:49:41,282
ROMAN: He's going right.
1211
00:49:41,326 --> 00:49:42,718
He's turning right!
1212
00:49:49,551 --> 00:49:53,338
He's going upstairs,
second floor!
1213
00:49:53,381 --> 00:49:54,339
Here we go.
1214
00:49:54,382 --> 00:49:56,341
Here we go.
1215
00:49:56,384 --> 00:49:57,777
I got him.
1216
00:49:57,820 --> 00:49:59,344
I got him.
1217
00:49:59,387 --> 00:50:00,606
Oh, he tricked us.
1218
00:50:00,649 --> 00:50:02,129
He's going back down.
1219
00:50:02,173 --> 00:50:03,130
He tricked us.
1220
00:50:03,174 --> 00:50:04,349
He's going back up!
1221
00:50:04,392 --> 00:50:05,393
Son of a bitch.
1222
00:50:05,437 --> 00:50:07,308
CLEMENT: I can't
keep up with this!
1223
00:50:07,352 --> 00:50:08,614
ROMAN: He's in shape!
1224
00:50:08,657 --> 00:50:10,181
He's in shape!
1225
00:50:10,224 --> 00:50:11,182
Where'd he go?
1226
00:50:11,225 --> 00:50:12,313
CLEMENT: Oh!
1227
00:50:12,357 --> 00:50:13,619
He went this way,
he went this way!
1228
00:50:13,662 --> 00:50:15,490
ROMAN: We got you, chump.
1229
00:50:15,534 --> 00:50:18,580
Hey, hey that's school property.
1230
00:50:18,624 --> 00:50:21,496
You don't own that.
1231
00:50:21,540 --> 00:50:22,671
There we go.
1232
00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,151
There we go.
1233
00:50:24,195 --> 00:50:27,198
We got him.
1234
00:50:27,241 --> 00:50:28,025
Where'd he go?
1235
00:50:28,068 --> 00:50:29,156
CLEMENT: He veered right.
1236
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:30,070
ROMAN: Where'd he go?
1237
00:50:30,114 --> 00:50:31,071
CLEMENT: He veered right.
1238
00:50:31,115 --> 00:50:32,072
ROMAN: Stay on him!
1239
00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:34,074
We'll head him off at the pass!
1240
00:50:34,118 --> 00:50:36,076
CLEMENT: I don't
know what that means!
1241
00:50:40,863 --> 00:50:42,343
ROMAN: Get out of my way!
1242
00:50:42,387 --> 00:50:43,866
PROFESSOR: Excuse me, there
is a class going on here.
1243
00:50:43,910 --> 00:50:45,477
ROMAN: Official
RA business, lady!
1244
00:50:56,183 --> 00:50:56,792
Get back.
1245
00:50:56,836 --> 00:50:58,794
Shhh.
1246
00:50:58,838 --> 00:51:01,406
[SCREAMING] Got him!
1247
00:51:05,845 --> 00:51:08,282
No one gets away from
Roman Bickerstaff.
1248
00:51:08,326 --> 00:51:09,631
No one!
1249
00:51:09,675 --> 00:51:11,590
CLEMENT: I think-- I
think you knocked him out.
1250
00:51:11,633 --> 00:51:14,201
ROMAN: Damn straight.
1251
00:51:14,245 --> 00:51:16,116
Hey, Ethan, I need a release.
1252
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:17,726
I want to make sure
that gets in, that was
1253
00:51:17,770 --> 00:51:19,163
a pretty bitchin' take-down.
1254
00:51:21,861 --> 00:51:26,561
ROMAN: [SIGHING] Water?
1255
00:51:33,394 --> 00:51:34,526
I'm not the enemy here.
1256
00:51:34,569 --> 00:51:36,702
I'm your friend.
1257
00:51:36,745 --> 00:51:39,226
I'm here to help, all right?
1258
00:51:39,270 --> 00:51:41,228
I would say the best thing
you could do right now
1259
00:51:41,272 --> 00:51:44,275
for yourself is be compliant.
1260
00:51:44,318 --> 00:51:46,407
So you smoked a little grass.
1261
00:51:46,451 --> 00:51:48,148
So you sold a little grass.
1262
00:51:48,192 --> 00:51:50,150
Big whoop, right?
1263
00:51:50,194 --> 00:51:53,197
We're both men of the world,
we know how this thing works.
1264
00:51:53,240 --> 00:51:58,202
Tell you what, you tell me where
you get the stuff from, we'll
1265
00:51:58,245 --> 00:52:00,726
call it even steven, all right?
1266
00:52:00,769 --> 00:52:03,163
There's no sense in making
it harder on yourself.
1267
00:52:03,207 --> 00:52:04,077
Heh?
1268
00:52:04,121 --> 00:52:06,166
Let's work together on this one.
1269
00:52:06,210 --> 00:52:07,254
Where'd you get the stuff.
1270
00:52:10,475 --> 00:52:11,476
Not gonna talk?
1271
00:52:11,519 --> 00:52:12,346
All right.
1272
00:52:14,740 --> 00:52:16,742
I'm a patient guy.
1273
00:52:16,785 --> 00:52:18,483
I can wait.
1274
00:52:18,526 --> 00:52:20,876
I can sit here all night...
1275
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:22,661
just waiting.
1276
00:52:22,704 --> 00:52:24,576
Tell me where you got
that fucking shit from!
1277
00:52:24,619 --> 00:52:27,622
Tell me right now!
1278
00:52:27,666 --> 00:52:28,580
I tried to be nice.
1279
00:52:28,623 --> 00:52:29,885
Do things the hard way, huh?
1280
00:52:29,929 --> 00:52:31,452
I can do it the hard way.
1281
00:52:31,496 --> 00:52:32,323
Play your game.
1282
00:52:35,630 --> 00:52:37,502
This is gonna be one
tough nut to crack.
1283
00:52:37,545 --> 00:52:39,330
CLEMENT: Yeah, are
you sure we couldn't
1284
00:52:39,373 --> 00:52:40,461
call the cops on this one?
1285
00:52:40,505 --> 00:52:41,462
ROMAN: I got a few ideas.
1286
00:52:41,506 --> 00:52:42,681
Let me try them first.
1287
00:52:42,724 --> 00:52:44,683
Get this little kitten to purr.
1288
00:52:44,726 --> 00:52:47,207
Do what we gave, uh,
what was his name--
1289
00:52:47,251 --> 00:52:48,643
Noriega, back in the eighties.
1290
00:52:48,687 --> 00:52:49,470
CLEMENT: Right.
1291
00:52:49,514 --> 00:52:51,516
ROMAN: Try some of that.
1292
00:52:51,559 --> 00:52:53,344
CLEMENT: I'm gonna go
make a pot of coffee.
1293
00:52:53,387 --> 00:52:57,652
ROMAN: That's a good idea,
we'll be here a while.
1294
00:52:57,696 --> 00:52:59,567
Oh, yeah.
1295
00:52:59,611 --> 00:53:02,309
He's sweating.
1296
00:53:02,353 --> 00:53:04,920
Oh yeah, yeah, it's over.
1297
00:53:04,964 --> 00:53:05,921
It's done.
1298
00:53:05,965 --> 00:53:07,271
You're finished.
1299
00:53:07,314 --> 00:53:09,360
Give me that.
1300
00:53:09,403 --> 00:53:10,883
Your friend's in
there right now.
1301
00:53:10,926 --> 00:53:11,971
He's naming names.
1302
00:53:12,014 --> 00:53:13,364
He's singing like a canary.
1303
00:53:13,407 --> 00:53:14,321
He named you.
1304
00:53:14,365 --> 00:53:17,411
You're-- What the hell happened?
1305
00:53:17,455 --> 00:53:18,673
The automatic lights.
1306
00:53:18,717 --> 00:53:19,892
Automatic lights went out.
1307
00:53:23,069 --> 00:53:25,506
OK, there's someone in there,
and they know what you did.
1308
00:53:25,550 --> 00:53:26,594
Buying the pot.
1309
00:53:26,638 --> 00:53:27,465
Selling the pot.
1310
00:53:27,508 --> 00:53:30,642
Smoking the pot.
1311
00:53:30,685 --> 00:53:32,252
Hang on one second.
1312
00:53:32,296 --> 00:53:33,384
[GURGLING NOISES]
1313
00:53:33,427 --> 00:53:36,343
ROMAN: That's enough.
1314
00:53:36,387 --> 00:53:39,259
Now, it's the last
time I'm gonna ask.
1315
00:53:39,303 --> 00:53:40,521
Where did you get the marijuana?
1316
00:53:40,565 --> 00:53:41,653
DRUG STUDENT: I don't know!
1317
00:53:41,696 --> 00:53:43,045
It was a short guy.
1318
00:53:43,089 --> 00:53:44,786
Shawn, had glasses.
1319
00:53:44,830 --> 00:53:46,701
ROMAN: Short guy
Shawn with glass--
1320
00:53:46,745 --> 00:53:48,007
Shawn.
1321
00:53:48,050 --> 00:53:49,791
DRUG STUDENT: I think
he's an RA or something.
1322
00:53:49,835 --> 00:53:53,012
ROMAN: Shawn the RA.
1323
00:53:53,055 --> 00:53:54,056
Are you sure?
1324
00:53:54,100 --> 00:53:55,101
DRUG STUDENT: Yes.
1325
00:53:55,144 --> 00:53:56,407
ROMAN: You're not
making this up?!
1326
00:53:56,450 --> 00:53:58,887
DRUG STUDENT: No,
he's a fucking RA!
1327
00:53:58,931 --> 00:54:01,542
ROMAN: I got a make,
uh, a couple of calls.
1328
00:54:01,586 --> 00:54:03,544
All right?
1329
00:54:03,588 --> 00:54:04,676
You did good, fella.
1330
00:54:09,376 --> 00:54:13,337
Well, this has been a very
weird day for all of us.
1331
00:54:13,380 --> 00:54:16,383
I think we can all appreciate
the gravity of the situation.
1332
00:54:16,427 --> 00:54:18,733
ROMAN: Can I just say though,
for the record, and you could
1333
00:54:18,777 --> 00:54:20,909
write this down if you want--
1334
00:54:20,953 --> 00:54:23,390
I didn't really care for Shawn.
1335
00:54:23,434 --> 00:54:25,436
I think I speak
for him when I say he
1336
00:54:25,479 --> 00:54:27,089
thought you were a fuck stick.
1337
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:29,570
Yeah, but only one of us has
a class two felony on our hands
1338
00:54:29,614 --> 00:54:30,397
right now.
1339
00:54:30,441 --> 00:54:32,834
Roman, sold a little pot.
1340
00:54:32,878 --> 00:54:34,096
Big deal!
1341
00:54:34,140 --> 00:54:35,750
ROMAN: Hey, as RAs,
we're not above the law,
1342
00:54:35,794 --> 00:54:37,143
we're not beneath the law.
1343
00:54:37,186 --> 00:54:39,058
We're, you know, gang-banged
in the middle like--
1344
00:54:39,101 --> 00:54:40,102
JOHN: All right.
1345
00:54:40,146 --> 00:54:42,975
Enough, both of you.
1346
00:54:43,018 --> 00:54:46,761
This has been a black day
on our dorm and our school,
1347
00:54:46,805 --> 00:54:49,416
but we still have jobs to do.
1348
00:54:49,460 --> 00:54:52,376
Don't lose sight of that.
1349
00:54:52,419 --> 00:54:54,508
Now there are only three of you.
1350
00:54:54,552 --> 00:54:57,946
That means more
work, and it also
1351
00:54:57,990 --> 00:55:02,081
means, for making our decision
next year, that each of you
1352
00:55:02,124 --> 00:55:03,822
are going to be
under the microscope.
1353
00:55:09,175 --> 00:55:12,613
ROMAN: Well, one Shawn
down and one Drew to go.
1354
00:55:12,657 --> 00:55:14,963
CLEMENT: Mathematically speaking
our odds did just go up.
1355
00:55:15,007 --> 00:55:16,574
ROMAN: Hell yeah, we look like
a couple of goddamn choir boys
1356
00:55:16,617 --> 00:55:17,531
right now.
1357
00:55:17,575 --> 00:55:19,794
I'd say we earned some lunch.
1358
00:55:19,838 --> 00:55:23,537
DREW: Hey, Roman, wait up.
1359
00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:25,844
ROMAN: What.
1360
00:55:25,887 --> 00:55:28,455
DREW: I know you think
you're hot shit right now,
1361
00:55:28,499 --> 00:55:29,978
but Shawn is my best friend.
1362
00:55:30,022 --> 00:55:32,546
ROMAN: Well I guess you'll
have to spoon your pillow
1363
00:55:32,590 --> 00:55:35,419
at night instead of him.
1364
00:55:35,462 --> 00:55:37,638
If that's your chosen lifestyle.
1365
00:55:37,682 --> 00:55:39,074
CLEMENT: Yeah.
1366
00:55:39,118 --> 00:55:41,729
I can promise you, man,
I'm going to make your life
1367
00:55:41,773 --> 00:55:44,384
hell from here on out.
1368
00:55:44,428 --> 00:55:46,517
You and me both, buddy.
1369
00:55:49,694 --> 00:55:54,742
It's indescribable
how stupid you are.
1370
00:55:54,786 --> 00:55:56,048
You hang out with this guy.
1371
00:56:03,098 --> 00:56:05,623
Well that was rude.
1372
00:56:05,666 --> 00:56:08,539
One of the things you probably
didn't know about me, Ethan,
1373
00:56:08,582 --> 00:56:11,150
is that I love
classic basketball.
1374
00:56:11,193 --> 00:56:14,719
Michael Jordan from the
eighties and nineties
1375
00:56:14,762 --> 00:56:19,071
had some of his best battles
with the greats like Mookie
1376
00:56:19,114 --> 00:56:20,986
Blaylock, for example.
1377
00:56:21,029 --> 00:56:23,510
That's what this situation is.
1378
00:56:23,554 --> 00:56:27,514
You know, Drew wants a
fight, bitch can bring it.
1379
00:56:27,558 --> 00:56:30,038
You know, I got Shawn
arrested with pot,
1380
00:56:30,082 --> 00:56:33,955
so I'm sure it won't be
long until I prove that
1381
00:56:33,999 --> 00:56:36,958
Drew is a child molester...
1382
00:56:37,002 --> 00:56:39,613
or something.
1383
00:56:39,657 --> 00:56:42,703
I'm on call right now, so
I'll see you guys later.
1384
00:56:42,747 --> 00:56:44,009
BOARD MEMBER DRAKE:
Have you made
1385
00:56:44,052 --> 00:56:46,533
up your mind about the RAs?
1386
00:56:46,577 --> 00:56:49,188
JOHN: Uh, we really haven't
made a decision yet.
1387
00:56:49,231 --> 00:56:51,059
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW:
What's the hold up?
1388
00:56:51,103 --> 00:56:54,236
JOHN: It's not that simple.
1389
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,891
Well, Roman has
the most seniority.
1390
00:56:56,935 --> 00:56:58,023
Then Drew.
1391
00:56:58,066 --> 00:56:59,590
DEAN: Clement has
the best grades.
1392
00:56:59,633 --> 00:57:01,896
BOARD MEMBER CASEY: Well, we
need an answer by next week
1393
00:57:01,940 --> 00:57:03,768
so we can get our
budget all lined up.
1394
00:57:03,811 --> 00:57:06,945
Just an idea, but
what about an election?
1395
00:57:06,988 --> 00:57:07,859
ROMAN: An election.
1396
00:57:07,902 --> 00:57:09,469
DEAN: Not an election per se.
1397
00:57:09,513 --> 00:57:11,471
JOHN: We want student input.
1398
00:57:11,515 --> 00:57:12,907
We want to hear who
they want as RAs.
1399
00:57:12,951 --> 00:57:14,126
ROMAN: This is ridiculous.
1400
00:57:14,169 --> 00:57:15,693
You're letting
the great unwashed
1401
00:57:15,736 --> 00:57:17,085
decide who runs this school.
1402
00:57:17,129 --> 00:57:18,260
DREW: I think it sounds fair.
1403
00:57:18,304 --> 00:57:19,914
ROMAN: I know it does to you.
1404
00:57:19,958 --> 00:57:21,568
You're friends with everyone.
1405
00:57:21,612 --> 00:57:23,962
You and Shawn probably smoke
pot with half the campus.
1406
00:57:24,005 --> 00:57:25,485
JOHN: Roman!
1407
00:57:25,529 --> 00:57:26,965
DEAN: Considering everything
that's gone on this year,
1408
00:57:27,008 --> 00:57:28,662
this is the only fair
solution we can come up with.
1409
00:57:28,706 --> 00:57:30,490
This is something we've
never done before.
1410
00:57:30,534 --> 00:57:32,753
Well we would like to
announce our candidacy.
1411
00:57:32,797 --> 00:57:34,146
CLEMENT: Four more years.
1412
00:57:34,189 --> 00:57:36,583
ROMAN: Let's get that son
of a bitch from Fox News
1413
00:57:36,627 --> 00:57:38,977
to moderate the debates.
1414
00:57:39,020 --> 00:57:41,893
ROMAN: An election?
1415
00:57:41,936 --> 00:57:44,504
School is no place for a... a...
1416
00:57:44,548 --> 00:57:45,592
CLEMENT: Democracy?
1417
00:57:45,636 --> 00:57:46,637
ROMAN: Well, whatever.
1418
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:48,029
I just mean it's a dumb idea.
1419
00:57:48,073 --> 00:57:48,943
It's the dumbest idea they
could've come up with.
1420
00:57:48,987 --> 00:57:50,292
CLEMENT: I agree
with you, Roman,
1421
00:57:50,336 --> 00:57:52,730
but can't we keep
politics out of it?
1422
00:57:52,773 --> 00:57:54,166
Let's just have fun today.
1423
00:57:54,209 --> 00:57:57,865
[MUSIC - FRONTIER FOLK NEBRASKA,
"DESERT CAR CHASE"]
1424
01:00:23,141 --> 01:00:25,099
All right, this is
getting out of hand, guys.
1425
01:00:25,143 --> 01:00:27,101
I mean, fighting at a carnival?
1426
01:00:27,145 --> 01:00:29,147
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN:
Who swung first?
1427
01:00:29,190 --> 01:00:30,104
Who knows?
1428
01:00:30,148 --> 01:00:31,018
Roman.
1429
01:00:31,062 --> 01:00:32,237
Such melee, no one could tell.
1430
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:33,368
DREW: You did!
1431
01:00:33,412 --> 01:00:34,848
DEAN: If you keep
up with this crap,
1432
01:00:34,892 --> 01:00:36,981
I'm going to see that you
two don't get the RA jobs.
1433
01:00:37,024 --> 01:00:38,765
Each one of you should
be expelled anyway.
1434
01:00:38,809 --> 01:00:42,334
Violence between students is
never tolerated for any reason.
1435
01:00:42,377 --> 01:00:44,075
This doesn't have
to do with violence,
1436
01:00:44,118 --> 01:00:46,381
it has to do with Drew
stealing that whore I like.
1437
01:00:46,425 --> 01:00:48,122
Roman, I'm right here.
1438
01:00:48,166 --> 01:00:49,471
We were just on a date.
1439
01:00:49,515 --> 01:00:50,298
Date!
1440
01:00:50,342 --> 01:00:51,125
She's my girlfriend!
1441
01:00:51,169 --> 01:00:52,257
KATIE: No, I'm not!
1442
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:52,953
What the hell, Katie?
1443
01:00:52,997 --> 01:00:54,215
Are you dating him?
1444
01:00:54,259 --> 01:00:55,782
We went on one date
and I paid for the meal.
1445
01:00:55,826 --> 01:00:59,090
And then Roman
pulled his dick out.
1446
01:00:59,133 --> 01:01:01,353
You perverted little bastard.
1447
01:01:01,396 --> 01:01:02,963
JOHN: Did he really do that?
1448
01:01:03,007 --> 01:01:04,835
Yeah, right there in the car.
1449
01:01:04,878 --> 01:01:07,751
You know, Roman, I don't
need to get into the legality
1450
01:01:07,794 --> 01:01:10,710
of indecent exposure,
but it doesn't help when
1451
01:01:10,754 --> 01:01:12,190
it's a board member's niece.
1452
01:01:15,846 --> 01:01:19,066
There was a growth down there,
and I thought she was pre-med.
1453
01:01:19,110 --> 01:01:20,241
KATIE: That shouldn't matter.
1454
01:01:20,285 --> 01:01:21,982
You were begging for it.
1455
01:01:22,026 --> 01:01:23,375
No, I wasn't, OK.
1456
01:01:23,418 --> 01:01:25,333
You ordered a pulled-pork
sandwich, what was I--
1457
01:01:25,377 --> 01:01:27,771
DEAN: Do you not realize how
serious this situation is?
1458
01:01:27,814 --> 01:01:30,338
JOHN: We take harassment
very seriously.
1459
01:01:30,382 --> 01:01:35,735
I just hope this
little misunderstanding
1460
01:01:35,779 --> 01:01:38,738
doesn't impede my chances
of being an RA next year.
1461
01:01:38,782 --> 01:01:40,958
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN: It's
going to impede your chances
1462
01:01:41,001 --> 01:01:42,960
of being an RA this year.
1463
01:01:43,003 --> 01:01:45,092
KATIE: Could we please
just forget about this?
1464
01:01:45,136 --> 01:01:47,225
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN: If
you pull any stunts again,
1465
01:01:47,268 --> 01:01:48,966
you're going to get expelled.
1466
01:01:49,009 --> 01:01:51,533
Immediately.
1467
01:01:51,577 --> 01:01:53,971
Clement, are you OK?
1468
01:01:54,014 --> 01:01:57,278
Yeah, mom, I'm fine.
1469
01:01:57,322 --> 01:01:58,758
ROMAN: What's the bullshit.
1470
01:01:58,802 --> 01:01:59,585
Huh?
1471
01:01:59,628 --> 01:02:01,239
What's the story behind--
1472
01:02:01,282 --> 01:02:04,111
you told me the job was as good
as mine not a few months ago.
1473
01:02:04,155 --> 01:02:05,330
JOHN: How can I vouch for you?
1474
01:02:05,373 --> 01:02:07,201
You've been screwing
up left and right.
1475
01:02:07,245 --> 01:02:11,031
ROMAN: Just say, "Roman
deserves the job."
1476
01:02:11,075 --> 01:02:13,207
There are some really
important people right
1477
01:02:13,251 --> 01:02:15,209
now that want to see you burn.
1478
01:02:15,253 --> 01:02:19,126
If I endorse you, it will
reflect very badly on me.
1479
01:02:19,170 --> 01:02:21,563
ROMAN: What a tool, looking
out for himself and his job.
1480
01:02:21,607 --> 01:02:22,782
JOHN: Watch it.
1481
01:02:22,826 --> 01:02:26,481
What am I supposed
to do now then, huh?
1482
01:02:26,525 --> 01:02:30,224
Win the election.
1483
01:02:30,268 --> 01:02:32,792
I'll win the election, John.
1484
01:02:32,836 --> 01:02:36,970
I'll win if I have to
gerrymander the constituents
1485
01:02:37,014 --> 01:02:41,540
to my favor and form a Super PAC
with my registered libertarian
1486
01:02:41,583 --> 01:02:42,846
brothers.
1487
01:02:42,889 --> 01:02:46,066
I'll make sure that the
Latino vote is there.
1488
01:02:46,110 --> 01:02:49,809
I will shuttle in every
minority from the four
1489
01:02:49,853 --> 01:02:51,115
corners of this county,
1490
01:02:51,158 --> 01:02:52,246
JOHN: Get out!
1491
01:02:52,290 --> 01:02:53,291
ROMAN: And I will
win that election.
1492
01:02:53,334 --> 01:02:54,031
And there will be
changes starting
1493
01:02:54,074 --> 01:02:55,249
right here at this desk.
1494
01:02:55,293 --> 01:02:56,816
I will open the book
on you, my good man.
1495
01:02:56,860 --> 01:02:59,210
Don't think that I won't,
don't think that I won'
1496
01:02:59,253 --> 01:03:00,907
Things are going to
change here at NICA.
1497
01:03:00,951 --> 01:03:03,083
NICA's about to change.
1498
01:03:03,127 --> 01:03:08,872
I am Roman fucking Bickerstaff
and I endorse this message.
1499
01:03:08,915 --> 01:03:10,874
Vote Bickerstaff, bitches!
1500
01:03:15,879 --> 01:03:19,360
Oh, Clement, I got it.
1501
01:03:19,404 --> 01:03:20,971
Free movie and pizza night.
1502
01:03:21,014 --> 01:03:21,841
Huh?
1503
01:03:21,885 --> 01:03:22,799
What do you think?
1504
01:03:22,842 --> 01:03:23,495
CLEMENT: I don't
know about that.
1505
01:03:23,538 --> 01:03:24,931
ROMAN: Exactly.
1506
01:03:24,975 --> 01:03:26,280
It'll work.
1507
01:03:26,324 --> 01:03:27,847
It's got to work.
1508
01:03:27,891 --> 01:03:31,024
We show a few movies, we
spread out a couple of pies.
1509
01:03:31,068 --> 01:03:32,460
Students will come crawl--
1510
01:03:32,504 --> 01:03:35,376
never underestimate free
pizza to a college student.
1511
01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:38,205
It's like babes to a teat.
1512
01:03:38,249 --> 01:03:40,164
This will win us over.
1513
01:03:40,207 --> 01:03:43,950
Hearts and mind will come to
Bickerstaff and Sam Pedro.
1514
01:03:43,994 --> 01:03:48,389
Look, all I care about at
this moment is getting the job.
1515
01:03:48,433 --> 01:03:50,478
And it seems like the
fates are against me,
1516
01:03:50,522 --> 01:03:51,653
but I need to be an RA.
1517
01:03:51,697 --> 01:03:55,353
I can't pay for
college any other--
1518
01:03:55,396 --> 01:03:56,615
you're not holding, are you?
1519
01:03:56,658 --> 01:03:57,485
Do you have a joint?
1520
01:03:57,529 --> 01:03:58,312
Do you smoke?
1521
01:03:58,356 --> 01:04:00,314
You look like you smoke.
1522
01:04:00,358 --> 01:04:03,361
ROMAN: What's the problem?
1523
01:04:03,404 --> 01:04:04,928
I don't want to do this.
1524
01:04:04,971 --> 01:04:06,277
We're a team, man.
1525
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:07,321
Come on.
1526
01:04:07,365 --> 01:04:09,236
We've gotten into
so much trouble
1527
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:10,281
over the last few weeks.
1528
01:04:10,324 --> 01:04:11,586
Don't you think
we should lay low?
1529
01:04:11,630 --> 01:04:12,936
A, quit being a pussy.
1530
01:04:12,979 --> 01:04:14,111
And B, no, it'll work.
1531
01:04:14,154 --> 01:04:14,938
Huh?
1532
01:04:14,981 --> 01:04:16,113
You trust me.
1533
01:04:16,156 --> 01:04:18,898
Now, what we need
to do is dial up one
1534
01:04:18,942 --> 01:04:21,031
of your little nerd torrents.
1535
01:04:21,074 --> 01:04:22,206
Let's find us a movie.
1536
01:04:26,210 --> 01:04:28,908
Daddy Girl Scout
is a crowd pleaser.
1537
01:04:28,952 --> 01:04:32,085
So just put your little
finger on clickie.
1538
01:04:32,129 --> 01:04:35,001
I am not condoning
this, by the way.
1539
01:04:35,045 --> 01:04:37,612
Torrenting is stealing.
1540
01:04:37,656 --> 01:04:40,267
But also pizzas
are expensive, so.
1541
01:04:40,311 --> 01:04:41,703
I bet, Ethan, this
will probably get
1542
01:04:41,747 --> 01:04:44,663
torrented one day
by some you know,
1543
01:04:44,706 --> 01:04:47,100
kind of nerdy people like him.
1544
01:04:47,144 --> 01:04:49,973
"I want to watch
the Ethan movie."
1545
01:04:52,497 --> 01:04:53,280
Did you get it?
1546
01:04:53,324 --> 01:04:54,716
Yeah, it's downloading.
1547
01:04:54,760 --> 01:05:00,026
That's my big boy.
1548
01:05:00,070 --> 01:05:02,550
ROMAN: This is one
of my brainchildren.
1549
01:05:02,594 --> 01:05:05,031
All right, for college students,
you give them free pizza,
1550
01:05:05,075 --> 01:05:06,554
you're like a god.
1551
01:05:06,598 --> 01:05:10,254
You know, we shovel out a
couple pies, show a movie--
1552
01:05:10,297 --> 01:05:12,038
we win our way back
into the election.
1553
01:05:12,082 --> 01:05:14,998
It's what, you know, Kennedy
did to win before he was shot.
1554
01:05:15,041 --> 01:05:17,957
So smart thinking on our part.
1555
01:05:18,001 --> 01:05:21,221
It only cost $200, and you know,
Clement didn't mind paying,
1556
01:05:21,265 --> 01:05:22,614
so...
1557
01:05:22,657 --> 01:05:24,442
GIRL STUDENT: Hey, Roman,
thanks for doing this.
1558
01:05:24,485 --> 01:05:25,573
ROMAN: Oh, my pleasure.
1559
01:05:25,617 --> 01:05:26,661
I paid for it myself.
1560
01:05:26,705 --> 01:05:27,619
GIRL STUDENT:
Really, that's cool.
1561
01:05:27,662 --> 01:05:29,099
I know, I'm a cool guy.
1562
01:05:29,142 --> 01:05:30,143
So vote for me.
1563
01:05:30,187 --> 01:05:31,275
So what are we watching tonight?
1564
01:05:31,318 --> 01:05:32,537
ROMAN: Daddy Girl Scout.
1565
01:05:32,580 --> 01:05:34,017
Isn't that a kid's movie?
1566
01:05:34,060 --> 01:05:35,496
Yeah, it's funny as shit.
1567
01:05:39,587 --> 01:05:40,719
ROMAN: Pizza.
1568
01:05:40,762 --> 01:05:43,983
Vote Bickerstaff.
1569
01:05:44,027 --> 01:05:45,245
Hey.
1570
01:05:45,289 --> 01:05:46,768
DELIVERY GUY: Hey,
I've got a delivery
1571
01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:49,597
for a Roman Bitterstance?
1572
01:05:49,641 --> 01:05:50,990
ROMAN: I'm Roman Bickerstaff.
1573
01:05:51,034 --> 01:05:53,732
Hey guys, kegs are here!
1574
01:05:53,775 --> 01:05:56,430
[CHEERING]
1575
01:05:56,474 --> 01:06:00,086
DELIVERY GUY: Do they
know it's just root beer?
1576
01:06:00,130 --> 01:06:01,566
ROMAN: What the fuck, man?
1577
01:06:01,609 --> 01:06:04,047
DELIVERY GUY: You didn't
think they'd be able to tell?
1578
01:06:04,090 --> 01:06:05,309
Come on.
1579
01:06:05,352 --> 01:06:06,136
Clement!
1580
01:06:06,179 --> 01:06:06,875
Let's go.
1581
01:06:06,919 --> 01:06:07,746
Help me get this stuff.
1582
01:06:07,789 --> 01:06:09,487
Bring me the remote control.
1583
01:06:09,530 --> 01:06:11,010
Hey guys!
1584
01:06:11,054 --> 01:06:13,099
Movie is about to start.
1585
01:06:13,143 --> 01:06:15,188
This is my gift to you.
1586
01:06:15,232 --> 01:06:16,711
Vote Bickerstaff!
1587
01:06:20,628 --> 01:06:22,587
DELIVERY GUY: Hey, I don't
make the prices, man.
1588
01:06:22,630 --> 01:06:23,849
I just deliver.
1589
01:06:23,892 --> 01:06:25,329
I don't care what you
say about inflation,
1590
01:06:25,372 --> 01:06:27,722
the price of root beer has
gone up a hell of a lot.
1591
01:06:27,766 --> 01:06:29,289
Good day.
1592
01:06:29,333 --> 01:06:30,638
[SCREAMING]
1593
01:06:30,682 --> 01:06:32,597
ROMAN: What the--
what's going on?
1594
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:34,164
FEMALE STUDENT:
Roman, you're sick!
1595
01:06:34,207 --> 01:06:35,252
FEMALE STUDENT 2: Pervert!
1596
01:06:35,295 --> 01:06:36,166
CLEMENT: Hey, bitch!
1597
01:06:36,209 --> 01:06:37,297
ROMAN: Oh!
1598
01:06:37,341 --> 01:06:38,168
Ow!
1599
01:06:38,211 --> 01:06:39,125
What happened?
1600
01:06:39,169 --> 01:06:40,561
What's going on?
1601
01:06:40,605 --> 01:06:41,649
Oh, my God.
1602
01:06:41,693 --> 01:06:46,480
DREW: Roman, you're
such an idiot.
1603
01:06:46,524 --> 01:06:49,353
Oh, boy.
1604
01:06:49,396 --> 01:06:52,269
Do you get credit
for this class?
1605
01:06:52,312 --> 01:06:53,270
Shut up.
1606
01:06:55,837 --> 01:06:58,144
DEAN: What were you thinking?
1607
01:06:58,188 --> 01:07:00,668
You know, I can't imagine what--
1608
01:07:00,712 --> 01:07:03,106
how can you make such a mistake?
1609
01:07:03,149 --> 01:07:07,327
In our defense, I think
it was a soft core porn.
1610
01:07:07,371 --> 01:07:10,069
What's the difference?
1611
01:07:10,113 --> 01:07:12,506
Well, the vagina is
usually pretty hairy,
1612
01:07:12,550 --> 01:07:14,508
and you don't
actually see a penis.
1613
01:07:14,552 --> 01:07:15,944
CLEMENT: There's more
of a story line, and--
1614
01:07:15,988 --> 01:07:18,077
DEAN: No, I mean, what's
the difference whether it's
1615
01:07:18,121 --> 01:07:19,600
hard core or soft core?
1616
01:07:19,644 --> 01:07:21,646
Didn't we just explain?
1617
01:07:21,689 --> 01:07:28,218
Whether it's soft or
hard core is not the issue.
1618
01:07:28,261 --> 01:07:30,829
Porn of any kind is
not appropriate to be
1619
01:07:30,872 --> 01:07:31,830
shown on campus.
1620
01:07:31,873 --> 01:07:33,788
I don't know what happened.
1621
01:07:33,832 --> 01:07:35,442
The site we downloaded
it from gave
1622
01:07:35,486 --> 01:07:36,704
us the wrong file or something.
1623
01:07:36,748 --> 01:07:39,185
We downloaded what
we thought was Daddy
1624
01:07:39,229 --> 01:07:41,144
Girl Scout starring Tim Allen.
1625
01:07:41,187 --> 01:07:42,101
CLEMENT: Steven Segal.
1626
01:07:42,145 --> 01:07:44,103
Steven Segal.
1627
01:07:44,147 --> 01:07:47,498
[SEXUAL NOISES]
1628
01:07:49,848 --> 01:07:54,722
Well, she sounds
like she's having fun.
1629
01:07:54,766 --> 01:07:57,203
Daddy's Girl Scout.
1630
01:07:57,247 --> 01:08:02,252
An erotic tale of incest
with the best cookies.
1631
01:08:02,295 --> 01:08:05,907
That apostrophe S makes
a hell of a difference.
1632
01:08:05,951 --> 01:08:07,170
ROMAN [WHISPERING]: Grammar.
1633
01:08:07,213 --> 01:08:10,129
CLEMENT [WHISPERING]: Yeah.
1634
01:08:10,173 --> 01:08:11,435
ROMAN: Drew.
1635
01:08:11,478 --> 01:08:13,437
Drew had something to
do with this, I know it.
1636
01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:15,743
He said he was going
to make my life hell.
1637
01:08:15,787 --> 01:08:16,657
Drew.
1638
01:08:16,701 --> 01:08:18,398
DEAN: You're passing the buck.
1639
01:08:18,442 --> 01:08:21,619
The board has called a formal
meeting for this Wednesday
1640
01:08:21,662 --> 01:08:23,229
at noon.
1641
01:08:23,273 --> 01:08:25,579
When you say formal, you mean
this is merely a formality?
1642
01:08:25,623 --> 01:08:26,450
JOHN: No!
1643
01:08:34,980 --> 01:08:38,157
ROMAN: Well, they'll
not soon forget
1644
01:08:38,201 --> 01:08:41,595
the name Bickerstaff around
here, I can promise you that.
1645
01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:44,859
CLEMENT: It's not my fault.
I downloaded the right movie.
1646
01:08:44,903 --> 01:08:46,513
This was your idea!
1647
01:08:46,557 --> 01:08:48,776
ROMAN: The one thing, Clement,
the one thing we cannot do is
1648
01:08:48,820 --> 01:08:50,169
turn on each other right now.
1649
01:08:50,213 --> 01:08:51,431
CLEMENT: I need this job, Roman.
1650
01:08:51,475 --> 01:08:52,476
ROMAN: I know.
1651
01:08:52,519 --> 01:08:53,955
CLEMENT: I can't
go here otherwise.
1652
01:08:53,999 --> 01:08:55,043
ROMAN: I know.
1653
01:08:55,087 --> 01:08:57,394
CLEMENT: I just
wanted to study, OK?
1654
01:08:57,437 --> 01:08:58,308
I want to graduate.
1655
01:08:58,351 --> 01:08:59,439
ROMAN: You're going to graduate.
1656
01:08:59,483 --> 01:09:00,832
CLEMENT: I'm going
to get expelled!
1657
01:09:00,875 --> 01:09:02,834
ROMAN: You're going
into Clement spaz mode
1658
01:09:02,877 --> 01:09:04,879
is what's happening right now.
1659
01:09:04,923 --> 01:09:09,493
They're not going to expel
us if we tell the same story.
1660
01:09:09,536 --> 01:09:12,496
OK, let's just
stick to the script.
1661
01:09:12,539 --> 01:09:15,455
Here's what we're going
to tell them happened.
1662
01:09:15,499 --> 01:09:18,328
ROMAN: But as I
recall, Clement and I
1663
01:09:18,371 --> 01:09:21,983
were discussing the
phenomenologists Hegel
1664
01:09:22,027 --> 01:09:25,248
and Heidegger in comparison
with the precursors
1665
01:09:25,291 --> 01:09:29,295
of postmodernist philosophy,
Nietzsche and Kierkegaard,
1666
01:09:29,339 --> 01:09:31,428
when we entered the room
where the film was playing,
1667
01:09:31,471 --> 01:09:34,474
and saw three men of
the African persuasion,
1668
01:09:34,518 --> 01:09:38,609
entering various holes, some two
at a time, of a petite blonde--
1669
01:09:38,652 --> 01:09:39,871
not unlike yourself, ma'am.
1670
01:09:43,701 --> 01:09:47,618
BOARD MEMBER DRAKE: And were you
the one's projecting this film?
1671
01:09:47,661 --> 01:09:51,274
ROMAN: We may have
pressed play, yes.
1672
01:09:51,317 --> 01:09:54,320
But as the law
sees it, we stepped
1673
01:09:54,364 --> 01:09:59,020
outside when the projecting
process took place.
1674
01:09:59,064 --> 01:10:00,457
Ipso facto.
1675
01:10:00,500 --> 01:10:07,594
So who is to say some other
agent didn't intervene.
1676
01:10:07,638 --> 01:10:09,335
Who knows?
1677
01:10:09,379 --> 01:10:11,685
Such questions,
in my opinion, are
1678
01:10:11,729 --> 01:10:15,254
best left back to the fat cats
and suits at the state capital.
1679
01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:17,256
BOARD MEMBER
REGINALD: No, Roman.
1680
01:10:17,300 --> 01:10:19,824
It's up to us.
1681
01:10:19,867 --> 01:10:21,782
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN:
I think this was a stunt
1682
01:10:21,826 --> 01:10:24,002
that you guys did
to draw attention
1683
01:10:24,045 --> 01:10:25,699
to yourselves for the election.
1684
01:10:25,743 --> 01:10:27,005
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW: I agree.
1685
01:10:27,048 --> 01:10:31,357
And what do you base
that accusation on, sir?
1686
01:10:31,401 --> 01:10:35,796
Because you let the film
play until the very end.
1687
01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:37,276
BOARD MEMBER
BIGELOW: Absolutely.
1688
01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:40,975
It was a health
and safety issue.
1689
01:10:41,019 --> 01:10:42,020
And what is that?
1690
01:10:42,063 --> 01:10:43,587
Do I really need to explain?
1691
01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:44,979
BOARD MEMBERS
KLIMMER/BIGELOW: Yes.
1692
01:10:45,023 --> 01:10:48,896
If we had stopped
the film before,
1693
01:10:48,940 --> 01:10:51,725
completion there would
have been a campus-wide
1694
01:10:51,769 --> 01:10:54,554
epidemic of blue-balls
of biblical proportion.
1695
01:10:54,598 --> 01:10:55,990
Mark my words.
1696
01:10:56,034 --> 01:10:57,905
BOARD MEMBER KLIMMER:
What are blue-balls?
1697
01:10:57,949 --> 01:11:01,735
We're having RA elections, go
to the website and vote for it.
1698
01:11:01,779 --> 01:11:02,649
RA election.
1699
01:11:02,693 --> 01:11:04,390
Go to that website, thank you.
1700
01:11:04,434 --> 01:11:06,000
Who do you think's going to win?
1701
01:11:06,044 --> 01:11:08,829
I have no idea, I just
want to get this over with.
1702
01:11:11,789 --> 01:11:13,617
Oh, Bro. Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey.
1703
01:11:13,660 --> 01:11:14,487
Excuse me.
1704
01:11:17,098 --> 01:11:19,449
We're having RA elections,
go to that website and vote.
1705
01:11:19,492 --> 01:11:20,624
Thank you.
1706
01:11:20,667 --> 01:11:21,973
What do you think
Roman's chances are?
1707
01:11:25,542 --> 01:11:27,848
I am an innocent bystander.
1708
01:11:27,892 --> 01:11:29,372
BOARD MEMBER CASEY:
We have reason
1709
01:11:29,415 --> 01:11:31,635
to believe that it was your
laptop that the video was
1710
01:11:31,678 --> 01:11:32,940
download onto.
1711
01:11:32,984 --> 01:11:34,594
We've requested a report
from the IT department.
1712
01:11:34,638 --> 01:11:36,901
That's impossible.
1713
01:11:36,944 --> 01:11:38,729
I clear my porn downloads
on a daily basis.
1714
01:11:38,772 --> 01:11:40,426
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW:
Oh, I think you're
1715
01:11:40,470 --> 01:11:41,645
covering for Bickerstaff.
1716
01:11:41,688 --> 01:11:42,602
Hey, buddy.
1717
01:11:42,646 --> 01:11:43,951
I don't need any covering.
1718
01:11:43,995 --> 01:11:45,475
I am innocent of all these--
1719
01:11:45,518 --> 01:11:46,432
What is IT?
1720
01:11:46,476 --> 01:11:49,392
IT reports and things.
1721
01:11:49,435 --> 01:11:50,871
The Patriot Act.
1722
01:11:50,915 --> 01:11:54,005
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW: I think
he's been here too long.
1723
01:11:54,048 --> 01:11:55,702
BOARD MEMBER KLIMMER: OK, OK.
1724
01:11:55,746 --> 01:11:57,617
Everybody, let's settle down.
1725
01:11:57,661 --> 01:12:01,621
Now, Clement, son, we are
simply trying to help you here.
1726
01:12:01,665 --> 01:12:02,927
BOARD MEMBER CASEY: Yes.
1727
01:12:02,970 --> 01:12:04,798
BOARD MEMBER KLIMMER:
You do know that you'll
1728
01:12:04,842 --> 01:12:06,931
never get in another
university if you're
1729
01:12:06,974 --> 01:12:08,541
expelled from this one.
1730
01:12:08,585 --> 01:12:12,893
And, the only option left
for you is community college.
1731
01:12:12,937 --> 01:12:14,460
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW:
Beauty school.
1732
01:12:14,504 --> 01:12:15,983
CLEMENT: I should be so lucky.
1733
01:12:16,027 --> 01:12:18,072
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN: If
you sign this form naming
1734
01:12:18,116 --> 01:12:20,553
Roman as the sole
instigator, we'll
1735
01:12:20,597 --> 01:12:22,642
drop all charges against you.
1736
01:12:22,686 --> 01:12:25,863
CLEMENT: I don't
think I can do that.
1737
01:12:25,906 --> 01:12:27,604
BOARD MEMBER REGINALD:
Sign the form.
1738
01:12:27,647 --> 01:12:28,735
BOARD MEMBER KLIMMER: Yes.
1739
01:12:28,779 --> 01:12:30,607
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW:
Come on, son.
1740
01:12:30,650 --> 01:12:35,655
If I sign this form,
Roman can't be expelled.
1741
01:12:35,699 --> 01:12:37,440
BOARD MEMBER REGINALD:
I don't believe
1742
01:12:37,483 --> 01:12:38,876
we can make that promise.
1743
01:12:38,919 --> 01:12:41,966
He has given five years
of his life to this school.
1744
01:12:42,009 --> 01:12:43,837
Do you know what he
has given up for that?
1745
01:12:43,881 --> 01:12:46,100
A social life, a
chance at finishing
1746
01:12:46,144 --> 01:12:47,188
his bachelor's degree.
1747
01:12:47,232 --> 01:12:48,842
BOARD MEMBER CASEY:
It's admirable
1748
01:12:48,886 --> 01:12:50,844
that you would like to cover for
your friend, Clement, really.
1749
01:12:50,888 --> 01:12:53,717
His father died here.
1750
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:56,676
He was an RA on duty,
and he was shot.
1751
01:12:56,720 --> 01:13:01,072
Now, to you, this may be just
a paycheck or a punch clock.
1752
01:13:01,115 --> 01:13:04,771
But for Roman, this is his home.
1753
01:13:04,815 --> 01:13:08,862
He's only ever tried to do
what's best for the school.
1754
01:13:08,906 --> 01:13:11,735
What his father
would've been proud of.
1755
01:13:11,778 --> 01:13:14,694
DEAN: Before we tell
you the decision
1756
01:13:14,738 --> 01:13:16,609
that we made for
next year's RAs,
1757
01:13:16,653 --> 01:13:18,872
I just want to say
that, uh, it's been
1758
01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:20,178
a very interesting year so far.
1759
01:13:20,221 --> 01:13:23,790
And that this was not
an easy decision for us.
1760
01:13:23,834 --> 01:13:25,792
In many ways, you
all deserve this.
1761
01:13:25,836 --> 01:13:29,013
JOHN: And in other ways.
1762
01:13:29,056 --> 01:13:30,275
Wow.
1763
01:13:30,318 --> 01:13:34,888
Based on all things
factored and considered,
1764
01:13:34,932 --> 01:13:37,021
next year's RAs will be Drew
1765
01:13:37,064 --> 01:13:37,935
DREW: Yes!
1766
01:13:37,978 --> 01:13:39,719
DEAN: And Clement.
1767
01:13:39,763 --> 01:13:40,764
ROMAN/CLEMENT: What?
1768
01:13:40,807 --> 01:13:42,069
DEAN: Congratulations,
Drew and--
1769
01:13:42,113 --> 01:13:43,288
ROMAN: Are you serious?
1770
01:13:43,331 --> 01:13:44,898
DEAN: It wasn't an
easy decision, Roman.
1771
01:13:44,942 --> 01:13:47,205
JOHN: Roman, we want to
thank you for your service
1772
01:13:47,248 --> 01:13:48,554
to the university.
1773
01:13:48,598 --> 01:13:49,555
You've been a great RA.
1774
01:13:49,599 --> 01:13:50,948
ROMAN: What about the election?
1775
01:13:50,991 --> 01:13:51,905
What were the results?
1776
01:13:51,949 --> 01:13:53,037
DEAN: Roman.
1777
01:13:53,080 --> 01:13:54,430
ROMAN: What were the results?
1778
01:13:58,869 --> 01:14:00,740
DEAN; Drew 48%.
1779
01:14:00,784 --> 01:14:02,525
Roman 29%.
1780
01:14:02,568 --> 01:14:04,091
Pot 20%.
1781
01:14:04,135 --> 01:14:06,659
Clement 3%.
1782
01:14:06,703 --> 01:14:08,574
ROMAN: So I came in second.
1783
01:14:08,618 --> 01:14:10,054
I should be an RA.
1784
01:14:10,097 --> 01:14:13,492
JOHN: Roman, the board
believes that you were solely
1785
01:14:13,536 --> 01:14:14,972
responsible for the porn.
1786
01:14:15,015 --> 01:14:16,582
But that's not true.
1787
01:14:16,626 --> 01:14:20,847
JOHN: Clement signed
a written statement
1788
01:14:20,891 --> 01:14:23,894
attesting that you were
responsible and no one else.
1789
01:14:27,811 --> 01:14:29,769
ROMAN: Did you do that?
1790
01:14:29,813 --> 01:14:31,858
It was the only way I
could save you, Roman.
1791
01:14:31,902 --> 01:14:33,643
The board-- they were
threatening to expel
1792
01:14:33,686 --> 01:14:35,122
us both if I didn't sign it.
1793
01:14:35,166 --> 01:14:38,822
So this is the
end of Bickerstaff.
1794
01:14:38,865 --> 01:14:43,522
I go out, not with a
bang, but a betrayal.
1795
01:14:43,566 --> 01:14:45,002
CLEMENT: Roman, no.
1796
01:14:48,179 --> 01:14:51,051
This isn't good.
1797
01:14:51,095 --> 01:14:52,009
Roman has my car keys.
1798
01:14:59,190 --> 01:15:01,975
I don't feel like
talking right now, man.
1799
01:15:02,019 --> 01:15:05,631
So I'll tell you when
I want to talk, OK?
1800
01:15:14,335 --> 01:15:16,816
Dude, seriously, fuck off.
1801
01:15:16,860 --> 01:15:18,252
I want to be alone.
1802
01:15:27,697 --> 01:15:28,828
DREW: Oh, hey.
1803
01:15:28,872 --> 01:15:31,004
ROMAN: I want some liquor.
1804
01:15:31,048 --> 01:15:33,572
Man, this is the worst
sting operation ever.
1805
01:15:33,616 --> 01:15:34,965
ROMAN: Cut the shit.
1806
01:15:35,008 --> 01:15:36,575
I know you have alcohol in
here and I want a drink.
1807
01:15:39,099 --> 01:15:39,926
OK.
1808
01:15:44,191 --> 01:15:47,630
ROMAN: [BELCHES LOUDLY]
1809
01:15:47,673 --> 01:15:49,196
DREW: Here, finish it off.
1810
01:15:49,240 --> 01:15:50,850
ROMAN: Thank you.
1811
01:15:50,894 --> 01:15:55,768
You're good-- you're
good people, Drew.
1812
01:15:55,812 --> 01:15:56,726
Hey, Drew?
1813
01:15:56,769 --> 01:15:58,815
Yeah?
1814
01:15:58,858 --> 01:16:01,861
I'm sorry we fought.
1815
01:16:01,905 --> 01:16:03,341
Don't worry about it, man.
1816
01:16:03,384 --> 01:16:04,168
That's in the past.
1817
01:16:04,211 --> 01:16:07,650
So, we're friends.
1818
01:16:07,693 --> 01:16:09,260
You're my good friend.
1819
01:16:09,303 --> 01:16:12,089
We should be friends, right?
1820
01:16:12,132 --> 01:16:12,916
Sure.
1821
01:16:12,959 --> 01:16:13,743
Yeah, yeah.
1822
01:16:13,786 --> 01:16:15,048
Good.
1823
01:16:15,092 --> 01:16:17,747
Because I-- [BELCHES]
There's another one--
1824
01:16:17,790 --> 01:16:19,400
I've always liked you.
1825
01:16:19,444 --> 01:16:23,230
Deep down, I like you, man.
1826
01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:24,623
You're a good guy.
1827
01:16:24,667 --> 01:16:27,234
Not like that supposed
friend Clement.
1828
01:16:27,278 --> 01:16:28,627
He's not a friend.
1829
01:16:28,671 --> 01:16:31,282
Even though, you know,
I'll tell you the truth.
1830
01:16:31,325 --> 01:16:34,111
He knows shit about me.
1831
01:16:34,154 --> 01:16:38,681
Deep, dark-- he knows things
about me no one else knows.
1832
01:16:38,724 --> 01:16:41,945
Stuff I don't even know.
1833
01:16:41,988 --> 01:16:44,077
He knows that I had a
cousin jerk me off once.
1834
01:16:51,345 --> 01:16:53,913
DREW [WHISPERING]: Shit.
1835
01:16:53,957 --> 01:16:55,306
You don't drink much, do you?
1836
01:17:07,318 --> 01:17:09,842
You're one of the worst persons
1837
01:17:09,886 --> 01:17:12,279
I've ever met in my life,
you sorry son of a bitch.
1838
01:17:36,826 --> 01:17:37,740
Clement.
1839
01:17:37,783 --> 01:17:40,133
You Clement.
1840
01:17:40,177 --> 01:17:42,309
Clemenia.
1841
01:17:42,353 --> 01:17:45,835
Clementine, my Clementine.
1842
01:17:50,535 --> 01:17:51,971
CLEMENT: Roman?
1843
01:17:52,015 --> 01:17:54,757
ROMAN: Well, bless my grits!
1844
01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:58,456
Clement Templeton Sam Pedro.
1845
01:17:58,499 --> 01:18:01,981
CLEMENT: Uh, that's not
my middle name, Roman.
1846
01:18:02,025 --> 01:18:03,983
ROMAN: I'm fine.
1847
01:18:04,027 --> 01:18:06,072
It feels like I'm
on a merry-go-round,
1848
01:18:06,116 --> 01:18:10,729
but other than that, I'm
right as a cherry top.
1849
01:18:10,773 --> 01:18:11,991
Thing.
1850
01:18:12,035 --> 01:18:14,820
CLEMENT: Roman, I just
wanted to tell you,
1851
01:18:14,864 --> 01:18:17,867
I didn't mean for any
of this to happen.
1852
01:18:17,910 --> 01:18:19,085
ROMAN: Oh, I know, buddy.
1853
01:18:19,129 --> 01:18:19,433
I know.
1854
01:18:19,477 --> 01:18:20,260
Hey.
1855
01:18:20,304 --> 01:18:22,480
Believe me.
1856
01:18:22,523 --> 01:18:23,829
Take away my happiness--
1857
01:18:23,873 --> 01:18:24,830
CLEMENT: No, no.
1858
01:18:24,874 --> 01:18:25,744
Roman.
1859
01:18:25,788 --> 01:18:26,353
ROMAN: And you take away my joy.
1860
01:18:26,397 --> 01:18:27,485
It's all good.
1861
01:18:27,528 --> 01:18:28,660
I understand, buddy.
1862
01:18:28,704 --> 01:18:29,356
CLEMENT: It's not
what I meant to do.
1863
01:18:29,400 --> 01:18:30,531
ROMAN: I understand.
1864
01:18:30,575 --> 01:18:32,272
Come here.
1865
01:18:32,316 --> 01:18:34,013
Two parents better than me.
1866
01:18:34,057 --> 01:18:36,189
Huh?
1867
01:18:36,233 --> 01:18:38,017
Get up and fight.
1868
01:18:38,061 --> 01:18:40,803
Fight like I taught you to.
1869
01:18:40,846 --> 01:18:44,371
Take a swing at you, you cock!
1870
01:18:44,415 --> 01:18:45,198
Hey.
1871
01:18:45,242 --> 01:18:46,504
Hey, now.
1872
01:18:46,547 --> 01:18:49,812
Is this stuff...
1873
01:18:49,855 --> 01:18:52,858
this is boo boo bamma.
1874
01:18:52,902 --> 01:18:54,773
You back off the
wagon there, Chachie?
1875
01:18:54,817 --> 01:18:55,774
CLEMENT: No, Roman.
1876
01:18:55,818 --> 01:18:57,036
ROMAN [SINGING]: I found pot!
1877
01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:58,516
CLEMENT: It's not
what it looks like.
1878
01:18:58,559 --> 01:19:00,039
ROMAN [SINGING]: In your room!
1879
01:19:00,083 --> 01:19:01,954
And I'm going to tell
the administration.
1880
01:19:01,998 --> 01:19:02,781
CLEMENT: No, no.
1881
01:19:02,825 --> 01:19:03,608
Roman.
1882
01:19:03,651 --> 01:19:04,565
I can't go to this school.
1883
01:19:04,609 --> 01:19:06,350
ROMAN: Court martial.
1884
01:19:06,393 --> 01:19:07,568
Court martial, I say.
1885
01:19:07,612 --> 01:19:09,266
CLEMENT: It doesn't
have to be this way.
1886
01:19:09,309 --> 01:19:10,876
ROMAN [ISINGING]: Which way.
1887
01:19:20,581 --> 01:19:21,539
DEAN: Oh.
1888
01:19:21,582 --> 01:19:22,932
Roman, we're having a meeting.
1889
01:19:22,975 --> 01:19:24,977
ROMAN: This will just take
a minute of your time.
1890
01:19:25,021 --> 01:19:27,240
Everybody, I've got
something to say.
1891
01:19:27,284 --> 01:19:30,243
This won't take long,
give me 10 minutes.
1892
01:19:30,287 --> 01:19:33,943
Ladies and gentlemen, I have
some startling revelation--
1893
01:19:33,986 --> 01:19:34,900
[VOMITING]
1894
01:19:34,944 --> 01:19:37,250
[SCREAMING]
1895
01:19:37,294 --> 01:19:39,165
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN:
Get him out of here.
1896
01:19:39,209 --> 01:19:40,253
ROMAN: Hold on.
1897
01:19:40,297 --> 01:19:41,124
Hold on.
1898
01:19:41,167 --> 01:19:42,212
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN: Out.
1899
01:19:42,255 --> 01:19:44,170
ROMAN: I say this!
1900
01:19:44,214 --> 01:19:46,085
I love this school.
1901
01:19:46,129 --> 01:19:49,872
Everything I did, I did
because I love this school.
1902
01:19:49,915 --> 01:19:52,048
I love Northern--
1903
01:19:52,091 --> 01:19:55,094
I love University of Calif--
1904
01:19:55,138 --> 01:19:57,880
I love whatever the fuck
this place is called.
1905
01:19:57,923 --> 01:19:59,795
Do you understand?
1906
01:20:02,493 --> 01:20:03,363
Do you understand?
1907
01:20:03,407 --> 01:20:04,277
BOARD MEMBER BIGELOW: Enough.
1908
01:20:04,321 --> 01:20:05,235
BOARD MEMBER KLIMMER: Yes.
1909
01:20:05,278 --> 01:20:06,105
ROMAN: No.
1910
01:20:06,149 --> 01:20:07,280
No.
1911
01:20:07,324 --> 01:20:08,325
You don't get it.
1912
01:20:08,368 --> 01:20:11,154
I gave everything
for this place.
1913
01:20:11,197 --> 01:20:12,633
Everything!
1914
01:20:12,677 --> 01:20:15,288
And you made him an RA.
1915
01:20:15,332 --> 01:20:18,509
Well there's something
you should know about him.
1916
01:20:18,552 --> 01:20:21,164
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1917
01:20:33,524 --> 01:20:43,534
Black winds a' blowing
over my shoulders tonight
1918
01:20:43,577 --> 01:20:51,498
Black winds a' blowing
over my shoulders tonight
1919
01:20:51,542 --> 01:21:01,508
Cold rain's a' falling
down my back in the eve
1920
01:21:01,552 --> 01:21:08,994
Cold rain's a' falling
down my back in the eve
1921
01:21:09,038 --> 01:21:19,048
I was born a lonesome
man and I'll die the same
1922
01:21:19,091 --> 01:21:27,404
I was born a lonesome
man and I'll die the same
1923
01:21:27,447 --> 01:21:37,457
57 years of working hard
and nothing to show for it
1924
01:21:37,501 --> 01:21:51,384
57 years of working hard
and nothing to show for it
1925
01:21:51,428 --> 01:21:53,430
Clement is family.
1926
01:21:56,433 --> 01:21:58,174
Family's everything.
1927
01:22:02,091 --> 01:22:04,093
[VOMITING]
1928
01:22:14,364 --> 01:22:20,674
These four walls
around me are closing
1929
01:22:20,718 --> 01:22:26,202
in as my years are running dry
1930
01:22:26,245 --> 01:22:28,987
JOHN: I think they made
the right decision.
1931
01:22:29,031 --> 01:22:31,163
Clement will do a good job.
1932
01:22:31,207 --> 01:22:33,252
BOARD MEMBER CLANAHAN: I
don't know if it's sad.
1933
01:22:33,296 --> 01:22:34,297
Tragic?
1934
01:22:34,340 --> 01:22:38,431
Is he a Macbeth,
a Lear, a Hamlet?
1935
01:22:38,475 --> 01:22:39,432
No.
1936
01:22:39,476 --> 01:22:43,219
But it's still a sad story.
1937
01:22:43,262 --> 01:22:44,698
ETHAN: Hey, Roman?
1938
01:22:44,742 --> 01:22:49,442
Could you, uh, let
us interview you?
1939
01:22:49,486 --> 01:22:52,358
ROMAN: The walls are spinning.
1940
01:22:52,402 --> 01:22:55,100
When they finish, we can talk.
1941
01:22:55,144 --> 01:22:57,363
ETHAN: Just a quick interview.
1942
01:22:57,407 --> 01:23:05,284
ROMAN: [MUMBLING] Hey, film
guy, can you sing me a song?
1943
01:23:05,328 --> 01:23:07,286
ETHAN: I don't really sing
1944
01:23:07,330 --> 01:23:08,635
ROMAN: Just sing a song!
1945
01:23:08,679 --> 01:23:10,115
ETHAN [SINGING]:
"Oh, Danny boy!"
1946
01:23:10,159 --> 01:23:11,508
No, I'm sorry.
1947
01:23:11,551 --> 01:23:12,596
I can't do it.
1948
01:23:12,639 --> 01:23:14,772
ROMAN: It sounded OK.
1949
01:23:14,815 --> 01:23:15,642
This--
1950
01:23:19,211 --> 01:23:22,301
CLEMENT: I think Roman could
come to forgive me someday.
1951
01:23:25,348 --> 01:23:28,133
Maybe.
1952
01:23:28,177 --> 01:23:30,135
CECIL: What are you going
to do, Roman, when you
1953
01:23:30,179 --> 01:23:32,050
finish your childhood career?
1954
01:23:32,094 --> 01:23:36,794
YOUNG ROMAN: I'm gonna be--
1955
01:23:36,837 --> 01:23:41,320
oh, probably I would say--
1956
01:23:41,364 --> 01:23:42,843
yeah, a rock-and-roll star.
1957
01:23:42,887 --> 01:23:44,236
LUCRETIA: A rock-and-roll star?
1958
01:23:44,280 --> 01:23:50,503
YOUNG ROMAN: Yeah, or
maybe a security guard.
1959
01:23:50,547 --> 01:23:51,765
LUCRETIA: A security guard?
1960
01:23:56,422 --> 01:23:59,208
ETHAN: So what happens if
you don't get the RA job?
1961
01:23:59,251 --> 01:24:01,601
I'll get the RA job,
I don't think there's
1962
01:24:01,645 --> 01:24:03,603
any question about that.
1963
01:24:03,647 --> 01:24:05,562
ETHAN: Well, what happens
if you don't, though?
1964
01:24:05,605 --> 01:24:10,175
That's a non-question, Ethan,
I mean, it's impossible for me
1965
01:24:10,219 --> 01:24:12,699
not to get picked as an RA.
1966
01:24:12,743 --> 01:24:14,527
ETHAN: Well, hypothetically.
1967
01:24:14,571 --> 01:24:21,491
Hypothetically, in
this parallel dimension
1968
01:24:21,534 --> 01:24:28,324
that you're constructing where
facts don't belong or exist,
1969
01:24:28,367 --> 01:24:33,894
I would be sad.
1970
01:24:33,938 --> 01:24:36,462
Because I feel like
I've done my job.
1971
01:24:36,506 --> 01:24:38,247
I've done my duty.
1972
01:24:38,290 --> 01:24:40,684
To my school, to my
dad, to my family.
1973
01:24:44,644 --> 01:24:46,255
I think it would hurt.
1974
01:24:52,435 --> 01:24:53,697
But I don't know.
1975
01:24:53,740 --> 01:24:56,308
I just-- I can look at
myself eventually at one
1976
01:24:56,352 --> 01:25:00,225
point and say, you know,
"Roman, you did your job.
1977
01:25:00,269 --> 01:25:03,881
Man, you did your best,
and they don't like it,
1978
01:25:03,924 --> 01:25:08,407
you know, fuck them."
1979
01:25:08,451 --> 01:25:10,627
I'd always have my band
to fall back on, too.
1980
01:25:16,894 --> 01:25:26,904
[MUSIC - FRONTIER FOLK NEBRASKA,
"QUEEN CITY SERENADE"]
1981
01:25:26,947 --> 01:25:37,132
[MUSIC - FRONTIER FOLK NEBRASKA,
"QUEEN CITY SERENADE"]
1982
01:25:37,175 --> 01:25:42,702
[MUSIC - FRONTIER FOLK NEBRASKA,
"QUEEN CITY SERENADE"]
1983
01:25:42,746 --> 01:25:51,668
Heavy hands on the alcohol
takes me back when I had it all
1984
01:25:51,711 --> 01:25:58,849
Guess I'll see you someday
but for now I'm living hell
1985
01:25:58,892 --> 01:26:03,941
'cause I know I'll be all right
1986
01:26:03,984 --> 01:26:08,511
And I know I'll be all right
1987
01:26:08,554 --> 01:26:17,824
And I know I'll be
all right tonight
1988
01:26:34,014 --> 01:26:42,458
See your face, your photograph.
I'm amazed how I handle myself
1989
01:26:42,501 --> 01:26:50,509
I'm amazed by reflections
when I stop moving
1990
01:26:50,553 --> 01:26:54,948
'Cause I know I'll be all right
1991
01:26:54,992 --> 01:26:59,301
I know I'll be all right
1992
01:26:59,344 --> 01:27:08,875
I know I'll be all right tonight
142540
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