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1
00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:02,167
Hey, Grandma!
2
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,203
Huh?
3
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,005
Guess what today is.
4
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,241
Uh, is it National
Spaghetti Day?
5
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:10,821
The day that the Chinese
6
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,712
gave the recipe to
the (bleep) white people?
7
00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:16,682
They call it Italian?
Aw, man!
8
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,084
No, wait.
That's January the fourth.
9
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,986
No. No, Grandma,
today is when
10
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,721
I get my car outta impound.
11
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:25,524
Out of the tow yard!
Love after lockup!
12
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,393
See this?
It's a check from Nancy.
13
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,161
379 big boys.
14
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,498
Oh, bow-bow.
I'm so proud of you.
15
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,400
Proud like when I won that...
16
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,769
"Magic: The Gathering"
tournament back in 7th grade?
17
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,570
Ah, here we go.
18
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,105
(dramatic music)
19
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,274
I remember that game
like it was yesterday.
20
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,842
My Loam Dweller was at a 2/2,
21
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,778
my Villainous Ogre at 3/2.
22
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:48,080
Oh, I had this
Orochi Sustainer but...
23
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,915
it wasn't enough.
24
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,250
My Moss Kami,
25
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,585
he was backed by this
removal spell, but...
26
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:54,686
(sighs)
27
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,789
couldn't have made
a significant impact.
28
00:00:56,824 --> 00:01:00,192
Then...
then, I drew the...
29
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,427
The greatest card of all time,
30
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,729
the Lord of Eiganjo.
31
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,709
My opponent tried to throw
it down with a Glitterfang,
32
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,267
but mmm, my Gibbering Kami
33
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,102
brought the whole house down.
34
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,603
I looked my opponent
in the eyes,
35
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,972
he was shiverin' in his boots.
36
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:15,707
Didn't he die?
37
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,609
Yeah, that guy...
yeah, he died.
38
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,780
But anyway,
I'm taking you out, girl!
39
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:24,383
To a fancy place, with this.
40
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,485
(both shouting in Chinese)
41
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,786
Ha ha!
Yeah!
42
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,888
I'm gonna take you out
for some "cherra"...
43
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,957
"cherraskaree,"
"cherraskaria."
44
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,459
Anyway, I gotta go.
45
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,138
I'm gonna wear my funeral suit!
46
00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:36,462
Whip it out, girl!
47
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:39,131
♪♪
48
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,473
Hey, Faruque!
49
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,574
Hi, Nora!
50
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,820
Looks like you're having
a good day.
51
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:51,910
Oh, I am. I'm gettin'
my car out of jail.
52
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,313
Cool!
You want a free kebab?
53
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,482
They're from yesterday
so they're extra gamy.
54
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,750
Oh, my G... Yes!
(laughing)
55
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,452
Oh, it's a big boy!
Yeah!
56
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,687
Thanks, Faruque.
57
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,322
♪ It starts in my toes ♪
58
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,290
♪ Makes me crinkle
my nose ♪
59
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,658
♪ Wherever it goes ♪
60
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,038
Well, I guess
the search is over,
61
00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:10,829
'cause I found a old-ass
Bobby Fischer.
62
00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:12,664
Bye, guys.
Have a good one.
63
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,968
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
64
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,603
♪ It starts in my toes ♪
65
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,505
♪ Makes me crinkle
my nose ♪
66
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:23,208
♪ Wherever it goes
I always know ♪
67
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,676
♪ That you make me smile ♪
68
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,879
♪ Please stay for awhile now ♪
69
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:30,149
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
70
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:32,317
♪ Wherever you go ♪♪
71
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,186
Hello.
72
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,421
Hello... (door rattling)
73
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,958
(distant dog barking)
74
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:50,802
Hello?
75
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:54,106
(eerie music)
76
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,808
(clattering)
Oh!
77
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,246
(cat meow echoes)
78
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,182
(birds chirping)
79
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,589
My baby!
80
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:13,225
(angelic choir)
Yeah!
81
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,426
My sweet baby!
82
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,928
Yes?
Oh!
83
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,696
I'm sorry.
I didn't see you...
84
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,598
come out from there.
Can I help you?
85
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:20,944
Yeah, I'm just here
actually to...
86
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,579
To get my car out of prison.
87
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,236
Number 3-4-0-2.
88
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,715
Um, so sorry,
I'm a little sweaty.
89
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,940
I just walked all the way
from Elmhurst.
90
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,341
I don't have sweat glands.
91
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,610
Oh. Everything just
stays inside me.
92
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,111
Oh. Every day is a nightmare.
93
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:35,747
'Kay.
Is your car your baby?
94
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,883
No.
Did you birth it?
95
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,886
N-No, I-I bought... Um, you know,
96
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,555
I just wanted to...
bail my car out.
97
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,768
Do... Do you...
Do you accept checks?
98
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,391
We don't accept checks.
99
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,893
Why?
Because!
100
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,595
Checks are annoying.
101
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,929
I have to put it in a ledger,
102
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:53,065
fill out a ton of paperwork.
103
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,700
I don't got the time for that.
104
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,235
I've got a lot going on.
105
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,036
Do you wanna hang out sometime?
106
00:03:58,072 --> 00:03:59,871
I-I can't.
I just... I can't.
107
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,274
Uh, I can't do it.
Anyway, um...
108
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:15,120
(singing fading in)
109
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,624
(Edmund) ♪ You've got me
feeling like a child now ♪
110
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:22,628
♪ 'Cause every time
I see your bubbly face ♪
111
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,130
♪ I get the tingles in
a silly place ♪
112
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,600
♪ It starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose ♪
113
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:32,237
♪ Wherever it goes
I always know ♪
114
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:36,275
♪ That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now ♪
115
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:41,346
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
116
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,950
♪ Rain is fallin' on
my window pane ♪
117
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:48,754
♪ But we are hidin' in
a safer place ♪
118
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:52,324
♪ Under covers
stayin' dry and warm ♪
119
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:55,093
♪ You give me feelings
that I adore ♪
120
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:58,664
♪ It starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose ♪
121
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:02,501
♪ Wherever it goes
I always know ♪
122
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:06,305
♪ That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now ♪
123
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:11,276
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
124
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,978
♪ Wherever ♪
125
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,347
♪ Wherever ♪
126
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:19,818
♪ Wherever you go ♪♪
127
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,454
Yes!
128
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,025
(clears throat)
129
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,845
(breathless) Hi. Hello.
130
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,071
I would love to...
cash this... here check.
131
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,172
Okay.
If I may?
132
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,085
Thank you.
Name on the account, please.
133
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,543
Yes, it's Nora,
N-O-R-A, no "H."
134
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,877
(both chuckling)
135
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,245
Lin, L-I-N.
136
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:49,881
Nora Lin, Forley Road, Elmhurst?
137
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,216
That is correct, yes.
138
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,552
It says here you're dead.
139
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,187
Sorry, what?!
140
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:56,666
The bank automatically
closes accounts
141
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,368
that have been
inactive for two years.
142
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,092
We assume you died.
No.
143
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:03,562
No, no. No.
I am... I am alive!
144
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:04,607
Here's what I can do.
(sighs)
145
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,343
If you want to
reopen your account,
146
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,178
I just need a form
of identification.
147
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,535
Yes. Actually, I can
accommodate with that.
148
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,872
(softly)
Okay, here we go, that's...
149
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,408
Yes.
Thank you.
150
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,210
This is expired.
151
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,411
Where does it say that?
152
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:20,912
No, no.
153
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,425
Because this license is expired,
154
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,460
I'm legally obligated
to do this.
155
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,883
Oh. Oh. Oh!
156
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,518
(plastic snaps)
Oh!
157
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,855
Oh... Do you have another
form of identification?
158
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,290
Do you know your
social security number?
159
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:34,126
Yes!
Yes, I know it.
160
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,261
Um, it's 1-8...
161
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,931
hundred, 5-7-9-6-8-5-9.
162
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,234
Okay, that's too many numbers.
163
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,769
Why do I even need
a bank account?
164
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,148
Well, for starters,
to build up your credit,
165
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,449
apply for a loan, buy a house
166
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,251
and get a mortgage,
not to mention
167
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,053
set up a basic
investment portfolio
168
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,755
and formulate a retirement plan.
169
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,745
But without proper
identification,
170
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,615
I can't verify that a...
171
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,284
Nora Lin actually exists.
172
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,752
Sorry.
173
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,257
(whispering)
Hey.
174
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,591
What if you asked me something
175
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,327
that only the real
Nora Lin would know?
176
00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:11,463
I literally know
nothing about you.
177
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:12,742
(normal voice)
So, I can't cash this check?
178
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,999
Nope.
179
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:18,069
I... look like
a (bleep) blow-up doll!
180
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,905
Huh?!
181
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,008
Thank you for being so (bleep) lovely.
You're welcome.
182
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,310
Have a nice day.
Yeah!
183
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,379
What are you lookin' at?!
184
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,917
Okay, social... social...
social security card.
185
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,552
What's this?
186
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,666
"Please respond within ten days
187
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,590
or we will close
your bank account."
188
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,892
Okay, so she did...
189
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,962
Oh, Pogs!
190
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,098
Hell, yeah, where's the slammer?
191
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,668
Nora.
Hey!
192
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,704
You think this is nice
for our dinner?
193
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,840
It's my funeral outfit.
194
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,108
Your funeral outfit
is... hot.
195
00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,278
♪ I bump it
with a trumpet ♪
196
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,380
♪ Bump, bump, bump ♪
197
00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,349
What about your car?
198
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,751
Oh. It's out
gettin' cleaned,
199
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,531
'cause I gotta
make it nice, right?
200
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,033
Because I'm taking you out to
201
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:12,123
the nicest restaurant
in the city.
202
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,259
Okay. To...
203
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,195
(both shouting in Chinese)
204
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:20,131
(both chuckling)
205
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,701
I'm gonna make a reservation
for later this week.
206
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:23,935
Oh. Oh!
207
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,104
And let's go to
a jazz club afterwards.
208
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:29,341
And we'll pick up some
rough trade!
209
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,755
(to self) God,
why'd I just do that?
210
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:35,747
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
211
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,093
(line ringing) (sighs) Okay.
212
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,884
♪ Hellooo ♪
213
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,051
Hey, Edmund.
214
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,931
I need my social security number.
Do you have it?
215
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,054
Are you kidding me?
216
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,223
You don't know your
own social security number?
217
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,791
A lot of people...
218
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,571
don't know their
social security numbers.
219
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,295
Why do you think
I would know that?
220
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,570
Can't you just hack into
the government or somethin'?
221
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,399
Pull up my file?
222
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,067
Oh, my God, grow up.
223
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:58,236
Just go to
the Social Security Office.
224
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,572
Where?
The Social Security Office.
225
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:01,673
Where's that now?
226
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,742
The Social Security Off...
You know what?
227
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:04,854
I don't have time for this.
228
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,244
I have to go to my voice lesson.
229
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,957
You're taking voice lessons?
230
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,782
♪ Goodbye... ♪
231
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,495
Oh, he's gettin' good.
(phone beeping)
232
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,387
♪♪
233
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,623
Oh, my...
234
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,659
It's like a Supreme drop,
am I right?
235
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,461
So, uh, what are you in for?
236
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:26,264
I just got married and I have to
change the name on my card.
237
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,266
So, marriage, huh?
238
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:29,467
What's that like,
239
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:32,170
taking on your husband's name
and wearin' it for life?
240
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,650
I mean, where did feminism
go, right? I mean...
241
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:37,208
My wife and I are changing
our last names to Timberlake...
242
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,977
because we are big fans.
243
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,012
'Kay?
244
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,948
Okay.
245
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,230
Looks like a lot of paperwork
you got there 'cause, uh,
246
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,155
I-I feel unprepared.
I didn't bring that much.
247
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,223
Oh, yeah.
(chuckles)
248
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,426
I brought all the documentation
this time.
249
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:58,129
Birth certificate,
marriage license,
250
00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,731
proof of address.
251
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:03,134
I've got my report card
from Cornell,
252
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,904
all my bank account info.
253
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,684
If I have to come back...
(chuckles)
254
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,308
to apply for spousal benefits,
I will flip.
255
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,511
I will seriously flip!
256
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:14,713
You had to come back here?
257
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,381
Yeah, this is my third time.
258
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,716
I can't do it.
What?
259
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,162
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
260
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,519
I just... I can't do it.
I can't do it.
261
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:23,288
There's no way out.
262
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,726
It's been... three hours!
263
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:31,363
♪♪
264
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,133
(door chimes)
265
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,239
(door creaking)
266
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,023
("camera" shutter clicks)
(sighs) Come on.
267
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,079
Hi!
268
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:49,381
How are ya?
Nice to see ya.
269
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,616
Hi.
I had a question
270
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,719
about your, um...
(whispering) fake IDs.
271
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,221
(louder)
Your fake IDs.
272
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,223
(normally) Is there a
special discount, say,
273
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,592
if I wanted to put, like,
my real information on it?
274
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,160
Wait over there!
275
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,802
Oh, man.
276
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,138
So many kids and their fake IDs.
277
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,806
The line is so long.
278
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,876
Actually, that's my bad.
I'm waiting for six IDs.
279
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,778
Six IDs for what?
280
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,980
Oh, for focus groups.
Yeah.
281
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,226
Do you know
what focus groups are?
282
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,228
No. They're groups
where you get paid
283
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,886
to test products before
they go on the market.
284
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,232
Uh-huh.
It's amazing,
285
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,400
and they're always looking
for, like, different demos.
286
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:33,158
That's inside business
for "demographics."
287
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,071
Mm-hmm. That's why I get
a bunch of different IDs.
288
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,395
Yeah.
It's really easy cash.
289
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:39,164
Oh, man.
290
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,565
Yeah, I need cash.
291
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,911
I have this, like,
one check on me
292
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,668
and it's ruining my life.
It's like...
293
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,936
Checks?
294
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,149
That's how the government
keeps tabs on you.
295
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:47,806
You don't need checks.
296
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,085
Yeah, I don't need...
I don't need checks.
297
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,442
Yeah, for real.
298
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,910
You know what?
299
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,423
You should do
a focus group or two.
300
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:54,757
I think you'd be amazing at it
301
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:59,451
because I can't tell if
you're nine or ninety-nine.
302
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,264
I'm not saying you have
a sex slave kinda look,
303
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,921
but it could help.
304
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,689
Are you, like, a citizen?
305
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,157
Wh... how do you mean?
306
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,292
Doesn't matter.
Okay.
307
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,538
Your English is so
good, by the way.
308
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:09,794
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
309
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,674
Well, I think you'd be
amazing for focus groups.
310
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,331
Yeah, I think you're amazing.
311
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,934
You stick with me,
boo-boo. I got you.
312
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,504
♪♪
313
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:23,441
So, what did everyone
think of the apple juice?
314
00:12:23,477 --> 00:12:27,378
Let's start with our high school
student from Jackson Heights.
315
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,414
Tiffie X. Baybee.
316
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,627
Um...
(clears throat)
317
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,618
♪ We-we get it
we-we-we get it ♪
318
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,154
It was, like, so good.
319
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:37,288
♪ We-we get it ♪
320
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:41,292
Almost like a liquid apple pie.
321
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,795
♪ We-we get it
we-we-we get it ♪
322
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:46,464
Mmm!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mmm.
323
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,733
As a blogger and a mom,
324
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,069
I-I just think this
barbecue sauce too tangy.
325
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,470
And as the Puerto Rican
Paula Deen
326
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:54,072
of my neighborhood, I concur.
327
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,307
♪ What-what-wha-what
What-wha-what ♪
328
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,143
♪ We got two cups ♪
329
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,377
Charmaine Dragontooth,
330
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,513
48-year-old retired male person.
331
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:05,550
Eric Chao, 19 1/2,
and I'm a boy.
332
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:08,086
♪♪
333
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,054
Yeah, actually Tiffie told me
334
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,657
it reminded her of apple pie.
335
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,760
I liked it so much
that I would love to bring
336
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,096
a whole liter to my high school,
337
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,898
of which I am a student.
338
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,766
And I would love to
share it with my bestest
339
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:25,770
unnies, hyungs, and nunas,
um, over at the KFC,
340
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,840
which stands for the Korean
Foundation for Christians.
341
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,509
♪ Come fill it up
Come-come fill it up ♪
342
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:32,911
I just adopted him.
343
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,681
Yeah, I became a Rockefeller,
um, through marriage, obviously.
344
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:37,749
Yeah, and you know what?
345
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,952
As a size-18 Cuban
Republican, I concur.
346
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,253
♪ I'm sippin' on that lean... ♪
347
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,733
We can take these
with us, right?
348
00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:44,889
♪ Come fill it up
349
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,302
♪ Come-come fill it up
Fill it up ♪
350
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,293
♪ We get it
We-we-we get it ♪
351
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,795
♪ We-we get it
We get it, surrender ♪
352
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,064
♪ We-we get it
We-we-we get it ♪
353
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:55,533
♪ We-we get it
We get it, surrender ♪
354
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,969
♪ We-we get it
We get it, surren-ren-ren ♪
355
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,238
♪ I'm trippin' on that lean
not that hood stuff ♪
356
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,540
♪ I'm trippin' I be lean
on the good stuff ♪
357
00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:04,943
♪ I'm trippin' I be leanin'
off that hood stuff ♪
358
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:07,445
♪ Wh-wh-what
We got two cups ♪
359
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,747
♪ I'm trippin' I be leanin'
off that hood stuff ♪
360
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:12,083
♪ I'm trippin' I be
leanin' off that hood stuff ♪
361
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:15,086
♪ Wh-wh-what
We got two cups ♪
362
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:17,989
♪♪
363
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,068
Hi, there.
Hi.
364
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,136
How are ya?
How are you?
365
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,492
Lolo Chen and Nina Winn
366
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,072
here for the Pillow
Princess focus group.
367
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,096
Okay.
368
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,031
Excuse me.
369
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,002
God! We are such
a good team.
370
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,303
We are.
371
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,083
God, I hop... I hope
they have water on this one
372
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,140
'cause I ate so many
Saltines at that last one...
373
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,643
Yeah. (whispering) my tongue swelled up
to, like, a raisin.
374
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:39,922
Oh, I thought that's just, like,
375
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,413
what, like, Asian girls'
tongues look like.
376
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:43,514
No.
377
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,127
I don't know.
What am I, Dr. Oz?
378
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,251
(both chuckle)
379
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,485
I think you're actually
380
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,320
an enhanced version
of Meghan Markle.
381
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,500
This is amazing.
I'm gonna write a memoir about this.
382
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,458
I'd love to be involved somehow.
383
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,371
(gasps) Could you be
my ghostwriter?
384
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,594
Yeah!
385
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:59,631
But, um... don't make it
too spooky, you know?
386
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,100
Oh, shit!
Stay right there!
387
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,701
Hey!
Oh, hell, no!
388
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:04,869
Oh!
Oh, hell, no!
389
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,304
Oh, no!
No!
390
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,973
Help us! Go!
Oh!
391
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,375
Whoa! I can't run!
392
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,410
Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
Fine!
393
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,381
(male detective) So,
Nora, you want to tell us
394
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,327
how long you've been
working with Margaret?
395
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,551
Who is Margaret?
396
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,687
(both detectives sigh)
397
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,724
Oh. Oh!
Oh!
398
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,826
Oh.
399
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,862
I do know her.
Yes, I do.
400
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,964
I do know her.
Um...
401
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:34,999
I-I guess I never got her name.
402
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,068
How long have the two of
you been partners?
403
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,071
Partners? I mean...
it was like one kiss.
404
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,472
Real quick, no tongue.
405
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,808
This is Margaret
Katherine Willincotty.
406
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,410
She's a professional
scam artist,
407
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,479
wanted by the FBI in
four states for fraud,
408
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,548
embezzlement,
money laundering...
409
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,417
No.
No, no, no. No.
410
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,720
No, I... she was...
She seemed real nice.
411
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,068
I met her in line gettin'
fake IDs, all right?
412
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,670
I was in line to get fake IDs
413
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:01,893
and she was all like,
414
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,928
"I can't tell if
you're 12 or 47."
415
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,708
And I took that as a compliment.
416
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:09,067
So, you weren't in Nashville,
Tennessee on April 23rd?
417
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,103
No, no. I've never
left the Tri-State area.
418
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,738
I can believe that.
419
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,876
I just, um...
(voice cracking)
420
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:20,845
I just wanted to
make some money.
421
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,848
Wanted to bail my car
out of car jail
422
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,517
and take my grandma to dinner.
423
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,853
I really want to
call her right now.
424
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:29,854
(sniffles)
425
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,923
♪♪
426
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,192
She's no criminal.
She's nobody.
427
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,695
I heard that.
428
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:40,064
Okay.
This is depressing.
429
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,468
♪♪
430
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,703
It's really interesting.
(laughs)
431
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,705
That prostitute with one hand,
432
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:49,807
I'm glad it didn't
ruin her career.
433
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,542
Yeah.
(chuckling)
434
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,411
(sighs)
Grandma, I'm sorry.
435
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,881
Aww.
Just like a sad nobody.
436
00:16:56,916 --> 00:17:00,084
What?! No, no.
Over here, sit down.
437
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,623
You know, it's just...
438
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,925
There are all these things
that I don't know about,
439
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:12,263
and, um... I-I don't
want to get left behind.
440
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,399
Oh, bow-bow.
441
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,068
You were born
the Year of the Monkey.
442
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,171
The monkey is stubborn.
443
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,107
If the monkey
had asked for help,
444
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:26,744
she would have known that I
have your social security card.
445
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,157
You have my social
security card?
446
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,582
Oh, yes! I keep it in
my business box.
447
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,095
I also have a business box, too.
448
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,587
Yes, I know but,
uh, mine is better.
449
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,690
It has documents of
actual purpose inside.
450
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,693
Grandma, I'm sorry that
we weren't able to go
451
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,995
to jazz club rough trade.
452
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,064
Oh, that's okay.
453
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,934
God, you must be
so disappointed.
454
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,335
No, bow-bow.
455
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:54,172
You could never disappoint me.
456
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:58,109
You are the "Magic:
The Gathering" champion.
457
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,645
Oh, I remember that game
like it was yesterday.
458
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,948
Lord of Eiganjo.
My opponent was like,
459
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,284
"Ooh, ooh no.
Got a Glitterfang."
460
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,286
A what?
Nope!
461
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:11,189
Because my... my Gibbering Kami
as like do-do-do-do-doo.
462
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,035
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
We brought the whole house down.
463
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,525
Man, he shit his pants.
464
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:17,495
♪♪
465
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,797
(upbeat hip hop music)
466
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:22,800
♪ Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! ♪
467
00:18:22,836 --> 00:18:24,836
♪ Get up
Everybody get up ♪
468
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:27,472
♪♪
469
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,639
Hello.
470
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,341
Hi.
Remember me?
471
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,177
Um, I would like to reopen
my bank account, please.
472
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,880
As you will find here,
I have my birth certificate.
473
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,048
Yes, I was born.
474
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,683
Great.
Social security card, right?
475
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,062
There ya go. All right. Yeah.
476
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,586
Me in elementary school
as a baby.
477
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,832
I went to school when
I was a baby.
478
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,322
Huh.
Yeah.
479
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,534
Actually, we're good
with the IDs.
480
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:46,724
And, uh, this check here,
481
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,093
that I would love to cash
after I reopen my account.
482
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,696
Thank you very much.
483
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,765
I'm a very important
customer here.
484
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,235
Don't mess with me.
I know people.
485
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,615
I'll... I'll get that taken
care of right away, Mrs. Lin.
486
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,140
Yeah.
(keyboard clacking)
487
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,877
Whoa, Grandma, that was...
You're intense.
488
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,289
(computer beeps)
Uh, Miss Lin.
489
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,547
Your account has been
reactivated
490
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,949
and the check has been deposited.
Cool.
491
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,263
And, because you're technically
opening a new account,
492
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:17,688
I can offer you
a $25 signing bonus.
493
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,524
I would love that.
Thank you.
494
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,926
Uh, would you like it
deposited into the account?
495
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,227
In cash, please!
496
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:24,463
Because I would like to use it
497
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,264
to take my grandma to dinner.
498
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,200
Oh, Nora.
You don't have to.
499
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:31,269
I want to.
Here you go.
500
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,372
I want crispy bills for
my granddaughter,
501
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,542
None of that wrinkly shit that
you pull out of your asshole.
502
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,544
(chuckles)
Okay.
503
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,557
(sweetly) Pleasure
doing business with you.
504
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,781
You too, Mrs. Lin.
Always a pleasure.
505
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,416
Bye.
506
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:50,721
♪♪
507
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,259
(tranquil music)
508
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:58,930
Ahh...
cheers to Nora
509
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:02,767
for getting her car back.
510
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,613
You know, I actually
enjoyed doing focus groups
511
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,571
and I-I think that
a part of me was...
512
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:07,939
actually pretty good at it.
513
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,074
Yes, you were!
514
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,542
Proud of you.
515
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,978
Thanks, Grandma.
S-speaking of,
516
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,547
what do you think of your,
uh, beef noodle?
517
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,649
You really want to know?
518
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,552
Yeah, a-and expand
on it as well.
519
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,589
Well, this looks like spaghetti.
520
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,592
It looks like what
the white people did
521
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:31,762
when they went and traveled the
Silk Road next to the Chinese,
522
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,798
who were so trusting and giving
523
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,933
and sharing their recipe.
524
00:20:35,969 --> 00:20:37,969
And then they come home,
and they put
525
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,104
some stupid tomato
sauce on it and...
526
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:41,317
You'd be great at focus groups
527
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:42,818
if you were just, like,
a little less racist.
528
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,308
What racist?
Wha-what do you mean?
529
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,454
What?
What racist?
530
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,089
You're not racist.
No, I'm not racist.
531
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:50,114
No.
Gee, whiz.
532
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,984
I wish this didn't look
so much like spaghetti.
533
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,852
Anyway, uh,
what a lovely dinner,
534
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,487
and I'm so glad we were
able to eat...
535
00:20:56,522 --> 00:21:04,522
Chinese...
anyway, forget it.
37572
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