Original subtitles

I'M SORRY, SIR. BUT YOU REALLY CAN'T TAKE THAT ON BOARD.

OUR LUGGAGE BINS ARE TOO SMALL AND IT WON'T FIT UNDER THE SEAT.

OH, NO, ISN'T THERE ANY WAY I CAN GET THIS ON THE PLANE?

IT'S A BRAND NEW GOLF BAG.

I'M SORRY.

HOW 'BOUT IF I BOUGHT A SEAT FOR IT?

I'M AFRAID WE'RE ALL BOOKED UP.

WELL.

THEN HERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, TOO.

OH, JOE, WE'RE DOING A LOT BETTER THAN LAST CHRISTMAS.

[seagulls cawing]

[people chattering]

PLEASE, JOE, TELL ME THAT NO ONE'S MADE A RESERVATION

FOR THAT STUPID CHRISTMAS DAY FLIGHT TOMORROW.

NOT YET.

WELL, CAN'T YOU CANCEL IT?

I WANT TO GO SKIING AS MUCH AS YOU DO,

BUT WE'RE THE ONLY ONES FLYING TO NEW BEDFORD TOMORROW.

SOMETIMES, WE JUST HAVE TO GIVE UP OUR OWN HOLIDAYS

SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN ENJOY THEIRS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, TELL YOU WHAT. TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU GIVE ME CHRISTMAS DAY OFF, OK, AND I WILL WORK

FLAG DAY, ARBOR DAY, I'LL EVEN THROW IN ST. SWITHIN'S DAY.

DID I HEAR WE'RE WORKING ON ST. SWITHIN'S DAY?

JUST HALF DAY.

UH, SO, FAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'

FOR THE HOLIDAYS? YOU NEVER SAID.

OH, UH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.

UMM, I'M HAVING A FEW FRIENDS OVER FOR A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS DINNER

AND IT'S REALLY TOO BAD YOU BOYS CAN'T MAKE IT.

UH, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT US, FAY.

JOEY AND I ARE GONNA GO SKIING IN VERMONT.

JOE'S GONNA BE WORKIN' ON HIS SLALOM

AND I'M GONNA BE TEACHING SOME SKI BUNNY HOW TO DO A DOUBLE BRIAN.

LOOK, BRIAN, I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. WHAT?

IF WE DON'T GET A RESERVATION BY 5:00, WE'LL TAKE OFF FOR VERMONT.

DEAL. GREAT, NO RESERVATION, NO FLIGHT.

[telephone ringing]

I LOVE THIS MAN.

HELLO?

UH, NO, NEVER HEARD OF SANDPIPER AIR.

THIS IS BUCK'S BAIT AND TACKLE SHOP,

YOU'RE TALKIN' TO THE BUCKSTER.

NO, NO SANDPIPER AIR,

BUT IF YOU'RE EVER IN THE MARKET FOR A LITTLE CHOPPED SQUID--

HELLO?

(Joe) SO, YOU EXCITED ABOUT

YOUR FOLKS COMIN' IN FROM TEXAS FOR THE HOLIDAY.

OH, YOU BET.

BUT I'M EVEN MORE EXCITED THAT THEY'RE NOT GONNA SPEND IT WITH MY SISTER.

WHY'S THAT?

WELL, THEY ALWAYS SPEND CHRISTMAS IN HAWAII WITH LORRAINE

AND HER RICH, STUPID HUSBAND AND THOSE LITTLE SPOILED BRAT KIDS.

LORRAINE CALLS ME EVERY CHRISTMAS MORNING, COLLECT,

AND IT'S ALWAYS HALEAKALA THIS AND KILAUEA THAT. WELL, NOT THIS YEAR.

THIS YEAR WHEN THOSE 2 LITTLE MONSTERS ASK HER,

"WHERE'S GRANDMA AND GRANDPA?"

SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO TELL 'EM, "THEY'RE NOT HERE.

THEY'RE AT AUNT HELEN'S."

[whooping] BOY, THIS IS GONNA BE AN AWESOME CHRISTMAS.

FAY EVELYN COCHRAN?

WELL, I'LL BE DARNED.

HELLO, FRANK. WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

OH, I'M PICKIN' UP MY DAUGHTER AND HER HIPPIE BOYFRIEND.

HE'S A COMMUNIST, BUT THAT DOESN'T KEEP HIM FROM SMOKIN' MY CIGARS.

HEY, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN, UH...

WELL, IT'S GOTTA BE OVER A YEAR.

WELL, EVER SINCE GEORGE DIED.

WELL, THERE DIDN'T SEEM TO BE MUCH REASON TO GO DOWN TO THE MARINA

ONCE I SOLD OUR BOAT.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY,

I'VE BEEN HANGIN' LIGHTS ON MY CABIN CRUISER

FOR THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS BOAT PARADE.

OH, ARE THEY STILL DOIN' THAT THING?

OH, THAT'S GREAT, 'CAUSE MY--MY BROTHER JOE

ENTERED A LITTLE SAILBOAT ONCE AND HE SPENT HOURS

MAKIN' RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER

OUT OF ALL THESE COLORED LIGHTS.

BUT I RE-ARRANGED THE LIGHTS

SO THAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN RUDOLPH'S NOSE LIT UP.

HE DIDN'T WIN.

UH, WELL, UH, HERE THEY ARE, UH, EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

UH, MY DAUGHTER AND MR. TROTSKY HAVE ARRIVED.

OH! HI.

WHAT A RANCID LITTLE ROOSTER HE IS.

OH, I--I KNOW I SHOULDN'T SAY THAT

AT CHRISTMAS TIME, BUT HE USED TO MAKE GEORGE SO MAD.

EVERY YEAR GEORGE WOULD SPEND WEEKS DECORATING OUR BOAT.

THEN FRANK WOULD WIN THE GRAND PRIZE AND REALLY RUB IT IN.

GEORGE WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING TO BE ABLE TO BEAT

THAT LITTLE WINKER-STINKER.

SO, I'VE GOT THIS EXTRA ROOM,

SO MY FOLKS'LL BE STAYING WITH ME.

YEAH, I'M PUTTING UP SOME RELATIVES MYSELF.

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS IN FOR THE WEEK.

OUCH.

UH, SHE'S NOT SO BAD.

NO, I JUST BIT MY TONGUE, THAT REALLY HURTS.

THEN DON'T DO THAT.

UH, BUNNY'S MOM, SHE'S A GREAT OLD GAL.

DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 40.

YEAH, HOW OLD IS SHE?

40.

THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR.

[telephone ringing]

HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK HOTLINE.

PRESS 1 FOR JORDY. 2, IF DONNIE'S YOUR FAVE.

3 FOR DANNY.

AND THANKS FOR CALLING SANDPIPER AIR--

HELLO, CAN I HELP YOU?

YEAH, YEAH, THERE ARE STILL SEATS AVAILABLE

FOR TOMORROW'S FLIGHT. NO, NO, NO, JOE.

JUST ONE SEAT, MR. TOLBERT?

YEAH, IT'S OUR PLEASURE. THANKS FOR FLYING SANDPIPER.

BRIAN, I-- SORRY, THE GUY'S GOT BUSINESS IN NEW BEDFORD.

OH, YEAH, WELL JUST FOR THAT, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS.

YOU KNOW, 4 YEARS AGO THAT MIGHT'VE HURT.

NO, NO, JOE, THIS IS THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER.

I USED TO THINK IT WAS THE ONE

WHERE MOM AND DAD BOUGHT US THOSE HAMSTERS

AND FORGOT TO POKE AIR HOLES IN THE BOX.

BUT AT LEAST THAT HAD A MOMENT OF DRAMATIC TENSION.

I CANNOT BELIEVE WE'RE HERE ON CHRISTMAS DAY

TO TAKE ONE GUY TO NEW BEDFORD.

IT'S LIKE A TOMB IN HERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FELLAS.

(Brian) LOWELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

WELL, I EXPERIENCED SOME OF THAT HOLIDAY STRESS

YOU'RE ALWAYS HEARIN' ABOUT.

MY WIFE KICKED ME OFF THE BOAT LAST NIGHT.

ON CHRISTMAS EVE, WHY?

WELL, I SORT OF MADE A PASS AT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

WELL, I GUESS IT WAS THOSE HOT BUTTERED RUMS.

ONE MINUTE, I'M FEELING PRETTY LOOSE.

NEXT MINUTE, LOWELL JUNIOR'S RUNNING AROUND SCREAMING,

"DADDY'S GOT HIS HAND ON GRANNY'S NUM-NUM."

WHY, LOWELL, YOU RANDY OLD SEA-DOG, YOU.

YEAH, YOU PRAY FOR AN OBSERVANT CHILD, AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ROY.

SHUT UP!

YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN, LET NOTHING YOU DISMAY

ROY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU AND YOUR SON WERE HAVING CHRISTMAS TOGETHER.

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

R.J. AND HIS FRIENDS DECIDED TO FOLLOW THE GRATEFUL DEAD DOWN TO GAINESVILLE.

NOW, WHAT WOULD MAKE A KID WANT TO SIT IN A MUDDY FIELD ON CHRISTMAS

WITH 20,000 SMELLY TRIPPED OUT DEADHEADS.

THE PROSPECT OF WATCHING YOU CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN.

EAT MY SHORTS.

WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY, FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

ROY, WERE THOSE THE ONLY 2 PASSENGERS ON THAT FLIGHT?

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOUR--YOUR FOLKS DIDN'T SHOW?

NO, AND I'M GETTING REALLY WORRIED.

OH, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS PERTINENT OR NOT, HELEN,

BUT, UH, YOUR PARENTS CALLED BEFORE YOU GOT HERE

AND SAID THEY WEREN'T COMING.

WHAT? WHY?

WELL, THEY WENT TO THEIR LOCAL CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

AND THE CAMEL FELL ON YOUR MOTHER.

OH, MY GOD! IS SHE OK?

SHE'S FINE, NOT A SCRATCH.

BUT THEY MISSED THEIR LAST FLIGHT OUT OF HOUSTON.

WELL, THERE GOES MY CHRISTMAS DOWN THE TOILET.

WELL, LOOK, OUR PASSENGER'S GOT 8 MINUTES TO SHOW UP.

IF HE DOESN'T, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE SALVAGE WHAT'S LEFT OF THIS CHRISTMAS?

YOU COME SKIING WITH BRIAN AND ME.

THAT'S RIGHT, JOE, THERE WAS A CALL FOR YOU, TOO.

WOW, WHERE IS MY MIND?

I THINK ZIPPY THE PINHEAD HAD IT LAST.

SOME GUY NAMED TOLBERT CALLED AND CANCELED HIS RESERVATION.

HE--HE DID? THAT'S GREAT. HEY, BRIAN.

BRIAN, GREAT NEWS. YEAH.

FLIGHT'S CANCELED. WE CAN GO TO VERMONT.

GREAT, GREAT 'CAUSE I WAS JUST LISTENING TO THE WEATHER SERVICE

AND THEY SAID THAT THE CONDITIONS ARE PERFECT FOR SKIING.

GREAT. ALL RIGHT.

AND TERRIBLE FOR LANDING.

THEY'RE SNOWED IN. AIRPORT'S CLOSED.

WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.

THIS CHRISTMAS SUCKS.

LOOKS LIKE FAY IS THE ONLY ONE OF US HAVIN' A GOOD HOLIDAY.

OH, YEAH.

SHE'S THROWING THAT BIG CHRISTMAS PARTY, ISN'T SHE?

YOU THINK, SHE'D MIND IF WE DROPPED BY?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN, LET'S TRY IT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WE--WE SHOULD AT LEAST CALL HER FIRST.

OH, YEAH, GOD KNOWS WHAT THOSE OLD PEOPLE DO

WITH THE SHADES DOWN. COME ON, JOE.

LET'S GO. SHE PRACTICALLY BEGGED US.

ROY, LOWELL. WE'RE GONNA GO CRASH FAY'S PARTY.

COULDN'T BE ANY WORSE THAN THIS.

IT'S BUSY.

WAIT, IF IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE INTRUDING, WE SHOULD LEAVE.

LET'S WORK OUT SOME KIND OF SIGNAL, THOUGH.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TOUCH THE BRIM OF MY CAP

AND THAT MEANS THAT WE LEAVE, YOU GOT IT?

[all agreeing] OK.

NO, WAIT, I DON'T HAVE A CAP ON.

ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT THIS?

I'LL TOUCH MY NOSE WITH MY TONGUE.

NO, WAIT. LAST TIME I TRIED THAT

I SPRAINED MY TONGUE, COULDN'T TALK FOR A WEEK.

GOOD, WE'LL GO WITH THAT ONE.

NO, DON'T RING THE BELL. LET'S SURPRISE HER.

(Brian) WELL, UH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

UH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, ON THE COUNT OF 3. READY?

OK. (all) 1, 2, 3.

(all) MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WHAT?

[gasping] WHAT IS IT?

FAY, WHY ARE YOU SITTING HERE?

YOU'RE ALL ALONE.

IN THE DARK.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT...

WELL, IT'S MY FIRST CHRISTMAS SINCE GEORGE DIED.

[clock ticking]

WOULD IT BE IMPOLITE TO ASK FOR SOME EGGNOG?

YES.

FAY, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US? WHY DID YOU MAKE UP THAT STORY ABOUT A PARTY?

WELL, I DIDN'T FEEL MUCH IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT,

AND I KNEW YOU DEAR PEOPLE WOULD TRY TO CHEER ME UP.

ANYWAY, I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR CHRISTMAS.

OH, THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT, FAY,

BUT THAT TRAIN LEFT THE STATION HOURS AGO.

UH, HEY, GUYS, MAYBE WE BETTER GET GOING.

UH, NO, DON'T GO, UM...

YOUR COMPANY MIGHT DO ME SOME GOOD.

THEN WE'D BE HAPPY TO STAY.

HAPPY? HAPPY.

HAPPY.

UH, BUT--BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO IMPOSE.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY. WE CAME TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH YOU.

OH, AND I FEEL MUCH BETTER ALREADY.

UH, WELL, JUST MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE, SIT ANYWHERE.

[Brian mumbling]

NO! NOT THERE!

NO, UH, THAT'S THE CHAIR GEORGE DIED IN.

THAT CHAIR? YES, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

NO, I DON'T MIND AT ALL. I'LL JUST STAND RIGHT OVER THERE.

UH,

THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING BETTER ON THAN THIS JAPANESE CHANNEL.

OH, LOOK, THAT OLD LADY FALLS DOWN AND CAN'T GET UP IN TOKYO, TOO.

[music playing on television]

[woman shouting in Japanese]

YEAH, WELL, SAYONARA.

UH, NO, DON'T.

UH, UH, I'M SORRY, ROY,

IT'S JUST... THAT WAS THE LAST THING GEORGE WAS WATCHING

BEFORE HE DIED.

THE JAPANESE CHANNEL?

WELL, HE SORT OF PASSED AWAY IN MID-CLICK.

FAY, ARE YOU SAYING

THAT YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE SINCE GEORGE DIED?

WELL, I JUST HAVEN'T TOUCHED GEORGE'S THINGS.

UH, HIS PIPE IS WHERE HE LEFT IT.

HIS BOOK IS OPENED TO THE PAGE HE WAS ON.

HIS DENTURES ARE SOAKING IN HIS CUP BY THE BOOKCASE.

I KNOW, IT MUST SEEM SILLY, BUT SOMEHOW IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL

THAT HE'S NOT REALLY GONE.

WELL, LOOK.

UH, UH, WHY DON'T I CHANGE OUT OF THIS ROBE

AND WE'LL DO THIS HOLIDAY RIGHT.

[Brian whistling]

[clearing throat] WE'RE NOT GONNA, LIKE, FIND GEORGE

SITTING UP IN A ROCKING CHAIR, OR ANYTHING, ARE WE?

HE'S GOT A POINT, LETS GO.

WAIT, LOOK.

WE CAME HERE BECAUSE WE'RE ALL DEPRESSED,

WE'RE HAVIN' A LOUSY CHRISTMAS,

BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT FAY IS HAVING AN EVEN LOUSIER CHRISTMAS.

LEAST WE CAN DO IS STICK AROUND AND SEE HER THROUGH THIS.

JOE'S RIGHT. I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT MUCH,

BUT WE'RE THE CLOSEST THING TO FAMILY SHE'S GOT.

GEE, US, FAMILY.

GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE ROY THE WEIRD BACHELOR UNCLE

THAT NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT, HUH?

[all exclaiming] OH, FAY, LOOK AT YOU.

OH, THANK YOU, HELEN. THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

UH, AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.

(all) MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

NOW WHAT?

OH, YEAH, WELL, I KNOW, LET'S-- LET'S HAVE A CHRISTMAS DINNER.

UH, WELL, ALL THE STORES ARE CLOSED

AND I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT FOOD FOR A CHRISTMAS DINNER.

OH, FAY, NONSENSE. WE DON'T NEED THE RIGHT FOOD.

WE'LL MAKE DO WITH WHAT WE HAVE, LIKE THE PILGRIMS.

JOE, THE--THE PILGRIMS WERE THANKSGIVING.

OH, LIKE THEY DIDN'T EAT ON CHRISTMAS, TOO.

SAY, ROY, HOW ABOUT PASSING ME SOME OF THAT FESTIVE WHEAT GERM.

ONLY IF YOU'LL SEND ONE OF THOSE YULETIDE RICE CAKES MY WAY.

MMM, HOW DO THEY MAKE THEM SO DRY?

WITHOUT A SALAD, CROUTONS ARE JUST STALE BREAD, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, BACK IN THE MANGER THEY WOULD'VE BEEN HAPPY TO HAVE THIS STUFF.

OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER READING SOMEWHERE THAT COCKTAIL ONIONS

WERE A PARTICULAR FAVORITE OF THE BABY JESUS.

SO HOW YOU DOIN', FAY?

FINE. (Joe) CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

FINE.

UH... HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA.

LET'S, UH, SING SOME CHRISTMAS CAROLS. I'LL START IT OFF FROM

SLEIGH BELLS RING ARE YOU LISTENING?

IN THE LANE THE SNOW IS GLISTENIN'

A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT

DA DA DA DA DUM

WALKING IN MY WINTER UNDERWEAR

LOWELL! LOWELL! LOWELL! LOWELL!

I THINK THE LYRICS ARE WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND.

UH, THAT WOULD BE SILLY, BRIAN.

WONDERLAND'S A DOG TRACK, AND IM PRETTY SURE IT'S CLOSED IN THE WINTER.

TRUST ME, IT'S UNDERWEAR.

LOWELL, WHY--WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE KITCHEN

AND SEE IF YOU CAN SCARE UP SOME DESSERT?

OH, YOU GOT IT, JOE.

I'LL BE JOAN FOR CHRISTMAS

WHY IS IT WHENEVER I'M AROUND HIM I HEAR DUELING BANJOS?

EVERY YEAR, GEORGE WOULD SING THAT SONG TO ME.

THERE'S WORDS TO THAT SONG, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BANJOS.

I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

EVERYBODY NOW.

(Lowell) GOOD NEWS, I FOUND THE COOKIE JAR.

WHY, I CAN HEAR SOMETHIN' RATTLING AROUND IN HERE,

BUT I'M HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE--

NO! LOWELL, DON'T!

[all clamoring] WHAT'S WRONG, FAY?

GEORGE IS IN HERE.

WHO CALLED IT, HUH?

ACTUALLY, GEORGE WANTED TO HAVE HIS ASHES SCATTERED AT SEA,

BUT I JUST COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO DO IT. I--I COULDN'T THROW HIM AWAY.

FAY, IT MAY NOT BE MY PLACE,

BUT I DON'T THINK GEORGE WOULD HAVE WANTED YOU TO LIVE LIKE THIS.

OH, I KNOW, AND IT'S NOT AS IF I HAVEN'T HAD TO DEAL WITH DEATH BEFORE.

AFTER ALL, I--I HAD 2 OTHER GEORGES GO ON ME,

BUT THIS GEORGE WAS DIFFERENT.

THIS WAS THE GEORGE I WANTED TO GROW OLD WITH.

[crunching]

FAY, DO YOU THINK MAYBE IT'S TIME TO LET GO?

IF GEORGE WANTED HIS ASHES SCATTERED AT SEA,

MAYBE THIS WOULD BE THE PERFECT TIME TO DO IT.

[crunching]

I DON'T KNOW. WELL, YEAH.

UH, IT COULD BE SORT OF LIKE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO GEORGE.

WE CAN GO UP IN THE PLANE RIGHT NOW AND DO IT.

YEAH.

WELL, UH, MAYBE NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME.

UM, MAYBE YOUR RIGHT. GREAT.

THEN LET'S GO.

BOY, THIS CHRISTMAS JUST KEEPS GETTIN' BETTER AND BETTER.

FAY, YOU OK?

I THINK SO. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.

THERE'S A LOT OF THAT GOIN' AROUND.

UH, IT'S A BIT OVERCAST,

BUT I THINK WE'RE FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM SHORE.

LOWELL, YOU WANT TO GO BACK AND GET GEORGE.

I'D BE HONORED.

I HOPE I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING.

FAY, I AM CONVINCED THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT GEORGE WOULD'VE WANTED.

[jar breaking]

(Lowell) OOPS!

WELL, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I, UH, SPILLED GEORGE.

OH, MY GOD.

FAY, IT'LL BE OK.

LOWELL, THERE'S A DUSTBUSTER IN THE BACK OF THE PLANE THERE.

RIGHT.

YOU HAVE A DUSTBUSTER ON THE PLANE?

YEAH, SURE, MAKE FUN, BUT IT COMES IN HANDY FOR JUST SUCH AN EMERGENCY.

[DustBuster whirring]

BOY, THIS LITTLE BABY REALLY HAS GREAT SUCTION.

I KNEW IT. I KNEW THIS WASN'T RIGHT.

NO, NO, FAY...

NO, JOE, I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T LET GEORGE GO.

UH, LOOK, UH,

FAY,

THOSE ASHES AREN'T GEORGE.

THEY'RE JUST ASHES.

I LOST SYLVIA A FEW YEARS AGO

AND I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE NOT TO WANNA LET GO.

BUT, FAY,

YOU GOT TO LET GO.

IT'S JUST SO HARD.

WE KNOW. WE KNOW.

WELL, I THINK I GOT ALL OF HIM.

I NEED A MOMENT.

YOU TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED.

WELL, LOOK, UH, IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS WE BETTER DO IT SOON

'CAUSE WE'RE RUNNIN' LOW ON FUEL.

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD.

JUST KIDDING!

BUT I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

THIS IS THE LOVELIEST FUNERAL I'VE EVER BEEN TO.

YOU KNOW, FAY, IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS,

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT TODAY. WE CAN DO IT ANOTHER DAY.

LOWELL, GIVE ME THE DUSTBUSTER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA BURY GEORGE AT SEA.

IN MY DUSTBUSTER?

JOE. IT'S BRAND NEW.

SHOULDN'T SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING?

HOW 'BOUT "BOMBS AWAY"?

I DON'T THINK I'M UP TO GIVING A EULOGY.

FAY, IF YOU'LL ALLOW ME--

UH, LOWELL, I-- PLEASE.

TODAY WE SAY GOODBYE TO A LOVED ONE.

SOMEONE WHO FILLED OUR LIVES

WITH JOY AND MEANING, LAUGHTER AND TEARS.

SOMEONE WHO TOUCHED OUR SOULS AND MOVED OUR HEARTS.

WE THANK HIM FOR THE TIME HE SHARED WITH US HERE ON EARTH.

AND NOW, SADLY, SEND HIS SPIRIT TO THE HEAVENS

AND BODY TO THE SEA.

[engines roaring]

BYE, GEORGE.

WELL, LOWELL, I'M IMPRESSED. THAT WAS REALLY TOUCHING.

YEAH, WELL,

I GUESS, I'VE JUST FLUSHED ONE TOO MANY TURTLES IN MY TIME.

I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS I DID THE RIGHT THING.

YOU DID, FAY. I KNOW YOU DID.

OH, WELL, THANKS HELEN.

I--I JUST WISH THERE WERE SOME WAY

I COULD BE SURE THAT IT WAS OK WITH GEORGE.

UH, BYE-BYE, JENNY.

[speaking Russian]

OH, HI, FAY.

H-HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?

I'VE HAD BETTER.

WELL, MINE WAS WORSE.

I WAS DOWN AT THE, UH, BOAT PARADE.

WHEN THE DAMNEDEST THING HAPPENED.

THE JUDGES WERE, LIKE, OH, 2 SLIPS AWAY FROM MY BOAT

WHEN, SUDDENLY, FROM OUT OF NOWHERE

THIS THING FELL FROM THE SKY,

SMASHED RIGHT THROUGH MY PROW AND IT SUNK THE BOAT LIKE A STONE.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

THIS ONE FELLOW SWORE THAT THE THING LOOKED

SOMETHING LIKE A DUSTBUSTER.

I WONDER WHERE SOMETHING LIKE THAT COULD HAVE COME FROM?

OH, FRANK, I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

WELL.

THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.

THANKS, GEORGE.

AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, TOO.