Original subtitles

HI, FAY. OH, HI, LOWELL.

UH, DID YOU FIND ANYTHING WITH YOUR NEW METAL DETECTOR?

[laughs]

EVEN MORE THAN I DREAMED OF.

THIS PERFECTLY GOOD, FLATTENED PIECE OF RUSTY METAL,

THIS HALF OF A CAR ANTENNA,

AND THIS MEDIC-ALERT BRACELET.

FIGURE I'LL GIVE THAT TO THE MISSIS.

DOES SHE HAVE ANGINA?

NO, SHE HAD AN AUNT SOPHIE.

BUT SHE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK.

I'M SORRY.

WELL, THANK YOU. BUT IT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO.

NO, I'M SORRY I ASKED.

[seagulls cawing]

[people chattering]

HERE YOU GO, FAY.

I JUST BAKED A FRESH BATCH OF COOKIES.

OH, THANK YOU, HELEN. THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU

TO DONATE THOSE TO OUR BLOOD DRIVE.

DONATE THEM? (Fay) UH-HUH.

OH, SURE.

AND THE JUICE, TOO, RIGHT?

YES, BLESS YOU.

OH, MY PLEASURE.

HI, I'M CARRIE.

OH, LIKE THE MOVIE, HUH?

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT THAT BUCKET OF BLOOD ON YOUR HEAD.

WOW, YOU HAVE GREAT FOREARMS.

OH, THESE LITTLE THINGS?

YEAH, THEY'RE PERFECT FOR GIVING BLOOD.

TOO MUCH MUSCLE TONE REALLY GETS IN THE WAY.

SO, ROY, IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?

YES.

AH, I GIVE BLOOD ALL THE TIME.

JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR A SUGAR COOKIE.

I'LL GIVE YOU MINE IF YOU'LL SHUT UP.

I'M STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE WOOZY.

AH, YOU JUST HAVE TO GET YOUR MIND OFF THE FACT

THAT THERE'S A STEEL NEEDLE PLUNGED INTO YOUR VEIN.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

LET'S HAVE A CONTEST TO SEE WHO CAN FILL THEIR BAG FASTER.

NURSE? NURSE?

COME ON, LOOK AT THAT BLOOD GUSH.

OH.

(Joe) FAY, YOU KNOW THOSE LITTLE GOLD WINGS

I WEAR ALL THE TIME?

YOU SEEN THOSE AROUND ANYWHERE?

NO. BUT I CAN GET YOU ANOTHER PAIR.

NO, IT HAS TO BE THAT PAIR.

THEY'RE SORT OF A GOOD LUCK CHARM.

I GOT 'EM THE FIRST TIME I FLEW.

I WAS 8, AND MY PARENTS TOOK ME TO CHICAGO.

GOD, I WAS SO EXCITED.

(Fay) OH, I CAN IMAGINE.

I ASKED THE STEWARDESS

IF I COULD BE THE PILOT.

SHE SAID NO, BUT SHE HAD SOMETHIN' EVEN BETTER.

SHE TOOK THE LITTLE GOLD WINGS OFF HER UNIFORM,

PINNED 'EM ON MY JACKET AND SAID,

"THERE, NOW YOU'RE AN HONORARY CAPTAIN."

AND I KNEW RIGHT THEN AND THERE THAT SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY,

FLYING WOULD ALWAYS BE PART OF MY LIFE.

OH, MY, THAT'S EERIE.

WHY?

WELL, I USED TO FLY OUT OF CHICAGO,

AND I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER A LITTLE BOY

ASKING ME IF HE COULD FLY THE PLANE.

I TOLD HIM NO, TOO. AND THEN I GAVE HIM THE WINGS OFF MY UNIFORM.

FAY, ARE YOU SAYING YOU THINK THAT

I WAS THAT LITTLE BOY?

NOT UNLESS YOU USED TO BE A LITTLE BLACK CHILD.

UH, BUT THAT PART ABOUT THE WINGS WAS SPOOKY, WASN'T IT?

OH, YEAH.

WELL, UH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE WINGS, JOE.

I'LL PUT NOTICES UP AROUND THE AIRPORT. GREAT. THANKS.

UH, HAVE YOU GIVEN BLOOD YET?

UH, NO, NOT YET. BUT I'M REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW. I'LL DO IT LATER.

OH, JOE, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE AFRAID OF A LITTLE NEEDLE?

EVEN ROY'S GIVING BLOOD.

[groaning]

FAY, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS RIGHT NOW.

HI, JOE. OH!

HEY, HI, DR. BENNETT. I MISSED YOU LAST WEEK.

I THOUGHT WE HAD AN APPOINTMENT.

WE DID?

UH, DID I-- DID I MISS THAT? OH, I'M SORRY. I-I-I'VE BEEN SO BUSY.

WE'LL HAVE TO RESCHEDULE. UH, NOW'S A GOOD TIME.

UH, I--I REALLY... I'VE GOT-- HAVE A SEAT, JOE.

SO,

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING?

I'VE BEEN FEELIN' GREAT.

GETTIN' A LOT OF REST. WORKIN' OUT 3 TIMES A WEEK, EATIN' A LOT OF FISH.

GLAD TO HEAR IT.

YEAH. OH, I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT GETTING ONE OF THOSE STAIR MACHINES,

BUT THE STORE THAT SELLS THEM IS ON THE 3RD FLOOR.

I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WALKIN' UP.

[laughing]

SO, AM I GONNA LIVE?

NOT IF YOU KEEP TELLING JOKES LIKE THAT.

IT'S EVEN HIGHER THAN LAST TIME.

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

I'M GONNA HAVE TO FILE THAT REPORT WITH THE F.A.A.

HOW ABOUT WE GO 2 OUT OF 3?

SORRY, JOE.

HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, BRO?

HEY, YOU LOOK ABOUT AS WHITE AS ROY'S LEGS.

MY BLOOD PRESSURE'S TOO HIGH.

I'VE BEEN GROUNDED.

[knocking on door]

[door opening]

HEY, JOE.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE HUNGRY.

OH, NOT REALLY, BUT THANKS ANYWAY.

WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT IT LATER.

YOU OK, JOE? YEAH.

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?

WELL, THERE'S NOTHIN' MUCH TO SAY, REALLY.

MY BLOOD PRESSURE'S BEEN CREEPIN' UP FOR A WHILE

AND I JUST KEPT HOPIN' THE PROBLEM WOULD GO AWAY.

IS IT SERIOUS? NAH.

BUT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

I HAVE TO TAKE MEDICATION FOR HYPERTENSION.

ME, OF ALL PEOPLE.

YEAH, GO FIGURE.

JOE,

JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW SORRY I AM.

THANKS, LOWELL.

ARE YOU OK?

I'M FINE.

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT

SOMETIMES THESE THINGS CAN BE TAKEN CARE OF WITH A CROW BAR.

WHAT?

JUST STICK IT IN THERE AND PRY IT OUT.

LOWELL, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

TALKIN' ABOUT THAT DAIRY TRUCK THAT SIDESWIPED YOUR CAR

OUT IN THE PARKING LOT.

WELL, ON THE PLUS SIDE,

3 BOTTLES OF MILK LANDED IN YOUR BACK SEAT.

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

[door closing]

BOY, THIS ISN'T YOUR DAY, IS IT?

YOU'RE TELLIN' ME. I JUST BOUGHT MILK THIS MORNING.

OH, HACKETT.

[airplane engine whirring]

I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY IN NO MOOD FOR COMPANY.

I JUST CAME BY TO SEE IF YOU'RE OK.

I'M FINE. GOOD.

GOOD, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM TO HEAR ABOUT YOU BEING GROUNDED.

[tutting]

THANKS, ROY, I APPRECIATE THAT.

I KNOW HOW MUCH FLYING MEANS TO YOU, HACKETT.

SO IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,

SOMEONE TO TALK TO,

SOMEONE TO LEAN ON,

SOMEONE TO-- THE AIRLINE'S NOT FOR SALE, ROY.

WELL, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

WHERE THE HELL IS BRIAN?

THAT FLIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE 15 MINUTES AGO.

I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST HIM. NOW, CALM DOWN, JOE.

REMEMBER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID.

RIGHT, RIGHT. YOU JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN BRIAN GETS HERE.

[door closing]

UH, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

WHEN JOE SEES THIS OFFER, HE'S GONNA BEG ME TO BUY SANDPIPER.

I--I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE BEST TIME. JOE'S A LITTLE UPSET.

[laughing] ARE YOU KIDDING?

THERE ISN'T A BETTER TIME.

HIS DEFENSES ARE DOWN,

HE ISN'T THINKING CLEARLY.

IN 5 MINUTES, I'LL HAVE HIM CURLED UP UNDER THE DESK IN A FETAL POSITION.

HI, FAY. OH, HI, LOWELL.

DID YOU FIND JOE'S WINGS?

NO, BUT EVER CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY

THAT THEY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED?

THINGS LIKE THAT HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

LOWELL, THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS--

(Joe) I'M NOT SELLING, ROY!

[blowing]

OH, WHAT WAS I THINKING?

FAY, BRIAN'S NOT GONNA SHOW UP.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE PASSENGERS.

TELL 'EM-- JOE, THIS IS MY JOB.

I THINK I CAN HANDLE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WE'RE VERY SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN BOARDING

SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 7 TO HYANNIS.

BUT DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES, YOUR PILOT IS

DOING AN IMPORTANT, UH...

UH, PILOT THING.

I CHOKED.

UH, SORRY I'M LATE, EVERYBODY,

BUT THEY WERE SHOWIN', THE NUTTY PROFESSOR ON THE SPANISH STATION.

[speaking Spanish]

BRIAN, BRIAN, YOU'RE LATE.

WHY, I'M 15 MINUTES LATE. I'LL MAKE IT UP IN THE AIR.

AND LOOK AT YOU. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA START DRESSING LIKE A PILOT?

I HAVE TOLD YOU, WHEN YOU COME TO WORK,

I WANT YOU DRESSED LIKE THIS.

UH, SORRY, JOE, BUT WITH ALL THE FLYING I HAVE BEEN DOING,

I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO GO SHOPPING AT "MR. DULL MAN."

BRIAN, I'M DEPENDING ON YOU.

AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS, JUST SAY SO.

I NEVER SAID I COULDN'T HANDLE IT.

L-LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BRIAN. I HANDLED IT.

BEFORE YOU GOT HERE, I FLEW FULLTIME AND RAN THE OFFICE.

WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE WONDERFUL, JOE.

IN FACT, YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR NAME LEGALLY CHANGED

TO "WONDERFUL JOE."

I LIKE IT.

WHY I EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA GROW UP OH.

...AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY, I'LL NEVER KNOW.

THIS ARRANGEMENT ISN'T GONNA WORK.

WORK? I DON'T WANNA HEAR THE WORD "WORK" COMIN' OUT

OF ANYBODY'S MOUTH WHO ISN'T DOIN' ANY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

I'M WORKIN' HARDER THAN YOU ARE. OH, PLEASE.

WHEN YOU START FLYING YOUR MAXIMUM HOURS, THEN COME TALK TO ME.

AS IT IS, THE MOST STRENUOUS THING YOU DO ALL DAY

IS FLAP YOUR GUMS AT ME.

THAT'S BECAUSE ALL YOU EVER DO IS SCREW UP.

OH, YOU KNOW,

I'M REALLY STARTIN' TO GET SICK OF THIS.

AND EVER SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GROUNDED,

YOU'VE BEEN TAKIN' IT OUT ON ME.

I DON'T NEED THIS AGGRAVATION.

ME AGGRAVATE YOU? THAT'S A LAUGH. YEAH.

OH, NOW WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN NOW?

I DIDN'T HAVE HYPERTENSION BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.

I HAVE IT NOW. FIGURE IT OUT.

WHOA, COME ON. NOW YOU'RE BLAMIN' ME FOR YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE?

WHILE YOU ARE AT IT, WHY DON'T YOU ADD WORLD HUNGER,

THE COLLAPSE OF THE FREE MARKET ECONOMY,

AND THE SORRY STATE OF MORALS IN THE AMERICAN CINEMA?

HEY, WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR FREE TIME?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR REAL PROBLEM IS?

YOU CANNOT HANDLE THE FACT

THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE, YOU NEED ME.

NO, I DON'T NEED YOU. OH, THE HELL YOU DON'T.

I'M THE ONLY THING KEEPIN' THIS AIRLINE FROM GOING DOWN THE TUBES, BIG MAN.

[laughing] IF IT TOOK ME MORE THAN 10 MINUTES TO REPLACE YOU,

I'D BE SHOCKED.

REPLACE ME FASTER THAN IT TAKES

TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE RIGHT IN THE MORNING? KEEP DREAMIN'.

'CAUSE WITHOUT ME, SANDPIPER'S HISTORY, BUB.

OH, YOU REALLY THINK SO, HUH?

OH, I KNOW SO. NOBODY WOULD WANT THIS JOB.

NOBODY COULD STAND THIS JOB.

THE ONLY REASON I STAYED THIS LONG,

WAS SO I COULD GET MY HOURS UP

SO I COULD START FLYIN' FOR A MAJOR CARRIER.

WELL, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,

THE PILOTS AT T.W.A. DO NOT WEAR T-SHIRTS THAT SAY, "I BRAKE FOR SUPERMAN".

WELL, WHEN I START FLYIN' BIG TIME, I'LL START DRESSIN' BIG TIME.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FLY A PLANE,

UNLESS YOU'D...

OH, SORRY.

OK, LOAD 'EM UP, FAY.

SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 7 WILL NOW BEGIN BOARDING.

FAY, CANCEL THAT FLIGHT.

DUE TO UNFORESEEN DIFFICULTIES, FLIGHT 7 HAS BEEN CANCELED.

JOE, DON'T BE A JERK.

FAY, DO THE ANNOUNCEMENT.

RE-ANNOUNCING THE RE-BOARDING OF FLIGHT 7.

CANCEL IT.

UH, SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 7 HAS BEEN RE-CANCELED.

YOU'RE FIRED.

ME? HE'S THE ONE--

NO, NO, NOT YOU, FAY.

OH, SO I-I'M FIRED, HUH?

WELL, I GUESS THIS IS, UH, WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY,

"YOU CAN'T FIRE ME. I QUIT."

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO,

BECAUSE I WANT YOU ON THE HOOK FOR UNEMPLOYMENT.

(Joe) OH, WHAT THE HELL?

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.

I QUIT.

FAY, I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO-- NO-UH, NO, SIR. NO WAY.

YOU WANT ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT, YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF.

SO YOU'RE CALLIN' ABOUT THE PILOT'S JOB, HUH?

YEAH, IT'S STILL OPEN.

UH-HUH, THAT'S RIGHT, A CESSNA 402.

WELL, THE SALARY I HAD IN MIND WAS A LITTLE LOWER THAN THAT.

LOWER.

UH, LOWER.

YEAH, LOWER.

LOOK, I--I DON'T THINK THIS IS GONNA WORK OUT. THANKS ANYWAY.

LOWER.

HEY, JOE, HOW'S THE PILOT SEARCH GOIN'?

WELL, YOU THINK I WOULD'VE FOUND SOMEONE IN 4 DAYS.

I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS PAYING SO BADLY.

YESTERDAY I HAD SOMEBODY TURN ME DOWN

TO BE THE HEAT LAMP GUY AT McDONALD'S.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MADE THIS MONTH'S PAYMENTS WITH THE LAST OF MY SAVINGS.

THAT STILL LEAVES THE GATE RENTAL, UH, INSURANCE, AND FUEL BILLS.

EVERY DAY THE PLANE DOESN'T FLY,

I GET THAT MUCH CLOSER TO SHUTTING DOWN FOR GOOD.

[phone ringing]

YEAH?

LOWER.

[sighs]

HEY, I JUST HAD AN IDEA.

I KNOW A PILOT THAT MIGHT WANT THE JOB.

R-R-REALLY? THAT'S GREAT. WHO IS IT?

WELL, RUMOR HAS IT YOU TWO TOOK BATHS TOGETHER WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.

HELEN, I'M NOT HIRING BRIAN BACK.

I WASN'T NECESSARILY TALKIN' ABOUT BRIAN.

BUT SINCE YOU MENTIONED HIM, WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I'M NOT, AND THAT'S FINAL.

UH, W-WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN HAVING HIM BACK HERE ANYWAY?

BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, AND I'M CARRYING HIS BABY.

[exclaims] WHAT?

DON'T BE STUPID, JOE. YOU'RE SO PIG-HEADED SOMETIMES.

JUST TALK TO HIM.

HIRING BRIAN BACK IS NOT AN OPTION.

BESIDES, HE MOVED OUT 3 DAYS AGO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS. AND I DON'T CARE.

OK, YOU DRAGGED IT OUT OF ME.

HE'S IN ST. LOUIS. HE'S APPLYING FOR T.W.A. FLIGHT SCHOOL.

AND HERE'S HIS NUMBER.

JOE, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.

WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANNA HELP, THEN STAY OUT OF IT.

WELL, YOU STILL HAVE TO FIND A PILOT,

YOU BIG JERK.

I'LL FIND A PILOT. I'LL FIND A GREAT PILOT.

[door closing]

SOMEWHERE.

YOU JOE HACKETT?

YEAH.

DEKE BRAVERMAN.

I HEAR YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM.

YEAH, YOU COULD SAY THAT.

I WAS A CAPTAIN WITH DELTA FOR 15 YEARS.

MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU OUT.

TALK ABOUT A MIRACLE!

I--I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT STAR BROUGHT YOU HERE, BUT THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE A GODSEND.

WE DO WHAT WE CAN.

WHAT'S THIS?

PAIR OF WINGS.

SAW A NOTICE ON THE BOARD WHERE YOU'D LOST YOURS.

GOT A WHOLE BOX OF THESE AT HOME.

YOU MEAN, YOU'RE NOT HERE TO BE MY PILOT?

FOR WHAT YOU'RE PAYING?

[chuckles]

SON, I WOULDN'T WASH YOUR PLANE FOR THAT.

[laughing]

HEY, THESE ARE PLASTIC.

[door closing]

ROY,

DRAW UP ANOTHER SET OF PAPERS. I'M READY TO SELL.

DON'T TOY WITH ME, HACKETT.

I'M SERIOUS.

[laughs]

THIS IS TOO GOOD.

THIS IS TOO PERFECT.

SHH, SHH. DON'T ANYBODY SAY A WORD.

I WANNA BASK IN THE GLORY OF THIS MOMENT.

BUT THERE'S ONE CONDITION TO THE SALE.

YOU GOT TO KEEP FAY ON.

OH, NO, NOT AMELIA AIRHEAD.

I MEAN IT.

OK, OK, OK.

[laughing]

SELL YOUR AIRLINE?

WHAT KIND OF STUPID IDEA IS THAT?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN' MIND!

JUST WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO INSTEAD?

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT OPENING UP A FROZEN YOGURT SHOP.

WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?

YOU WANT A BUNCH OF KIDS THROWING GUMMY BEARS AT YOUR HEAD

AND CALLING YOU POPS?

HELEN, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. OH.

YOGURT AND FLYING REALLY AREN'T THAT DIFFERENT, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

WHEN YOU'RE FLYING, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GONNA LIVE FOREVER

AND WHEN YOU'RE PUMPING YOGURT, YOU...

OK, THEY'RE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

I THINK YOU'RE ANGRY AT YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FLY.

AND YOU'RE ANGRIER AT BRIAN BECAUSE HE CAN.

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT YOUR WAY, SO LIKE A SPOILED LITTLE BRAT

YOU WANNA TAKE YOUR BALL AND GO HOME.

OH, OH, REALLY? YEAH.

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE TOLD YOU

YOU COULDN'T PLAY THE CELLO ANYMORE?

WELL, I SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T GIVE UP MUSIC.

JOE, DON'T GIVE UP YOUR AIRLINE JUST 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T FLY THE PLANE.

YOU'VE JUST HIT A LITTLE MID-AIR TURBULENCE.

IN NO TIME, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAR SKIES AGAIN

AND A STRONG TAIL WIND

AND--AND, UH...

[grunting]

I CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE FLYING METAPHORS.

THE POINT IS IS THAT AVIATION IS YOUR LIFE,

NOT FILLING A WAFFLE CONE FULL OF VANILLA SOFTIE.

I'LL PROBABLY HAVE CHOCOLATE, TOO.

YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S MUCH MORE REALISTIC

IF YOU MAKE THOSE VROOM-VROOM SOUNDS.

VROOM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

T.W.A. TURNED ME DOWN.

THE REVIEW BOARD SAID SOMETHIN' LIKE, I WASN'T PROJECTING

THE CORRECT CORPORATE IMAGE.

SO I PACKED UP MY SKATEBOARD AND HERE I AM.

WHAT ARE THESE?

CONTRACTS.

ROY WANTS TO BUY THE AIRLINE.

[scoffs]

T-THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE. THEY'RE SIGNED.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S SORT OF THE POINT OF CONTRACTS.

IF YOU DON'T SIGN 'EM, THEY'RE NO GOOD.

LAWYERS ARE SORT OF OOTSEY ABOUT THAT.

JOE, YOU CANNOT SELL SANDPIPER.

I MEAN, I NEED A JOB.

YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF ME. I'M A SCREW-UP.

LISTEN, BRIAN-- NO, YOU LISTEN, JOE. WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT,

FLYING IS IN YOUR BLOOD.

YOU WERE BORN TO IT THE WAY SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN TO BE

POETS OR STATESMEN

OR DRILL PRESS OPERATORS OR THOSE PEOPLE WHO PUT THOSE LITTLE TAGS

INSIDE UNDERWEAR THAT SAY, "INSPECTED BY NUMBER 42."

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.

OR GUYS THAT SELL FROZEN YOGURT.

HELEN CALLED YOU, DIDN'T SHE?

WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA, POPS?

LOOK, MAYBE IT'S JUST TIME I MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.

OH, WHO'RE YOU KIDDIN'? COME ON.

YOU'D BE MISERABLE DOIN' ANYTHING ELSE.

YOU ARE A PILOT.

AND YOU MADE ME WANNA BE A PILOT.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH FLYING JUST LISTENING TO YOU TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU USED TO SAY THAT FLYING

WAS LIKE KNOWING A SECRET THAT NOBODY ELSE KNEW.

IT'S A GREAT SECRET, JOE.

KEEP IT.

REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE LITTLE?

WE USED TO RUN ALONG THE BEACH

WITH OUR ARMS OUT PRETENDING TO BE PLANES?

I'D IMAGINE I WAS AIRLIFTING SUPPLIES TO THE KIDS IN BIAFRA.

AND I'D STRAFE ALL THOSE WOMEN

WHO'D UNHOOKED THEIR BIKINI TOPS.

I BUILT MY WHOLE LIFE AROUND FLYING.

IF I'M NOT A PILOT ANYMORE, THEN WHAT AM I?

YOU'RE A GUY WHO'S GONNA BE A PILOT AGAIN SOON.

YOU JUST GOTTA GET YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN.

IF YOU DO, YOU'LL FLY AGAIN.

IF YOU DON'T, YOUR HEAD'LL EXPLODE AND I'LL OWN THE AIRLINE.

I FIGURED THAT WOULD GET YOU.

[sighing]

THANKS FOR COMING BACK, BRIAN.

WELL, I HAD NO CHOICE. THEY WASHED ME OUT, REMEMBER.

T.W.A. CALLED. I KNOW YOU GOT IN.

DAMN.

WHY DID THEY CALL YOU?

BECAUSE YOU PUT MY NUMBER DOWN

AS THE PERSON TO CONTACT, IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY.

AND THEY WANTED TO KNOW WHY YOU DISAPPEARED.

WELL, IT WAS A LOT OF THINGS.

THEY'VE GOT THIS OBSESSION WITH LONG PANTS.

MY HAIR WAS EXACTLY THE LENGTH I LIKE IT,

FINALLY-- DON'T TRY TO GET OUT OF IT.

YOU DID A NICE THING.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

TAKEN BACK.

YOU HUNGRY? STARVING.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FROZEN YOGURT?

I HATE IT. YEAH, ME, TOO. LET'S GET A PIZZA.

OW!

OW.

HEY, HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

MY WINGS.

MUST HAVE GOTTEN STUCK IN THE SEAT.

THEY'VE ALWAYS BROUGHT ME GOOD LUCK.

WELL, NOW THEY'VE BROUGHT YOU TETANUS.

YOUR LEG'S BLEEDING.

JOE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

FOR OLD TIMES SAKE, HUH?

[imitating engine sputtering]

FRENCH-CUT BIKINI AT 4:00!