Original subtitles

[seagulls cawing]

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE.

WE'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO GET

THAT NEW NOSE WHEEL STRUT TILL WEDNESDAY.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF TOMORROW'S FLIGHTS.

YES!

YOU THINK SHUTTING DOWN IS GOOD NEWS, BRIAN?

NO, I JUST MANAGED TO REALIGN MY SHORTS WITH NO HANDS.

PRAY TELL, WHAT'S THIS?

[enunciating like a toddler] HAS THE POOR LITTLE SANDPIPER HURT HIS WING

AND CAN'T FLY ANYMORE? OH.

YEAH, LOOK, ROY, WE'RE GONNA TRY

TO RESCHEDULE OUR PASSENGERS ON SOME OF YOUR FLIGHTS.

[laughing]

AND WHAT'S THAT? AH. OH.

THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE HAPPY AEROMASS CASH REGISTER.

KA-CHING, KA-CHING, KA-CHING.

GOD, I MUST LIVE RIGHT.

HEY, JOE, ANY LUCK FINDING THAT PART?

I'M AFRAID NOT.

YES!

WHY DOES EVERYONE SEEM TO BE THRILLED

AT MY TEETERING ON THE VERGE OF BANKRUPTCY?

BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING FISHING ON LOWELL'S BOAT.

YES, WE SORT OF MADE CONTINGENCY PLANS IN CASE YOU WERE GROUNDED.

YOU EXPECT ME TO CLOSE UP COMPLETELY?

NO, WE'LL PUT THE PHONE MACHINE ON.

COME ON, JOE, PLAY HOOKY.

AND WHAT ABOUT LOWELL? HAVE YOU CLEARED IT WITH HIM? YES, THIS MORNING.

OH, THEN, YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN WITH HIM LATELY.

HE'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW,

BUSTING HIS BUTT TRYING TO REPAIR THAT OLD STRUT.

HE TOLD ME HE WON'T REST UNTIL IT'S FIXED.

BELIEVE ME, FISHING IS THE LAST THING ON HIS MIND.

UH, SOMEBODY GIVE ME A HAND OVER HERE.

I WAS PRACTICING CASTING AND I--

LOWELL, LOWELL, PLEASE,

UH, I THINK WE CAN PIECE TOGETHER THE REST OF THIS PERPLEXING MYSTERY.

WHAT ABOUT THAT STRUT, LOWELL?

YEAH, A NOSE WHEEL STRUT

IS A VERY TRICKY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT, JOE.

YEAH, YOU SAID THAT AN HOUR AGO.

I DON'T THINK I SAID "VERY."

SORRY, JOE, THAT SUCKER'S SHOT.

WELL, I GUESS THE ONLY QUESTION LEFT IS, UH,

[all cheering] WHAT DO WE USE FOR BAIT?

[all cheering] YES! YES! YES!

WHAT'S ALL THAT SHOUTIN' ABOUT?

WHO'S SHOUTING? UH, NOTHING, ROY.

WE'RE JUST EXCITED ABOUT GOING FISHING.

OH, I HAVEN'T BEEN FISHIN' IN MONTHS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME WITH US?

WITH YOU PEOPLE? HA.

NOT ON A BET. I TAKE MY FISHIN' SERIOUSLY.

[Helen whistles]

[exclaiming] WAS THAT CLOSE?

(Helen) WOW.

FAY, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

ROY ALWAYS RUINS EVERYTHING.

THE--THE--THE V.F.W. PICNIC,

YOUR NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS, IS THAT HE'S NOT COMING THIS TIME.

SO, WHY DON'T WE MEET HERE IN THE MORNING?

I'LL MAKE US SOME COFFEE AND WE'LL TAKE THE JEEP DOWN TO THE MARINA.

UH, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE PICNIC LUNCH?

OH, FAY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

DON'T GO TO TOO MUCH TROUBLE, JUST,

YOU KNOW, MAKE SOME SANDWICHES.

YOU WANT ME TO MAKE SOMETHING?

I--I--I WAS JUST GONNA PICK UP SOME SALADS AT THE DELI.

OH, OK, GREAT.

NO, I'LL MAKE SANDWICHES.

OK, WHATEVER.

SHE WANTS ME TO MAKE SOMETHING.

WHY DOESN'T SHE MAKE SOMETHING?

SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S UP TO HER ANKLES IN COLD CUTS ALL DAY.

UH, TURKEY, OR HAM AND SWISS?

UH, HAM AND SWISS.

SURE, PICK THE COMPLICATED ONE.

(Helen) MORNING, BRIAN.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

BRIAN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? COME ON, YOU'RE NOT ASLEEP.

ALL RIGHT.

STOP RIGHT THERE. BRIAN!

QUIT IT!

I MEAN IT.

[banging]

HONESTLY, BRIAN, YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD.

MORNING, MOM. TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL YET?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M UP BEFORE WILLARD SCOTT.

GOOD MORNING.

MORNING, FAY.

OH, FAY, YOU LOOK WIPED.

WHY WOULDN'T I? I WAS UP HALF THE NIGHT COOKING.

[exclaiming] OH, FAY, THIS LOOKS WONDERFUL.

OH, HELEN, I'M SO SORRY FOR ALL THOSE AWFUL THINGS I SAID TO YOU.

WHAT AWFUL THINGS?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS TALKING TO...

NEVER MIND.

MORNING. HEY.

NICE DUDS, JOE.

AH, SAY, OLD BEAN, GIVE ME THE KEYS TO THE CAR. I LEFT THE SUNSCREEN IN THERE.

THIS ONE.

FORGET IT. I'D RATHER BURN THAN WATCH THIS.

WE BETTER GET GOIN', LOWELL'S WAITING.

HEY, HELEN, IT'S GONNA BE HOT TODAY. WHY DIDN'T YOU WEAR SHORTS?

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO SHAVE MY LEGS.

OH, WHOA! CHECK, PLEASE.

REALLY, COULDN'T YOU HAVE MADE SOMETHING UP?

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE.

MORNIN', ALL.

ROY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I THOUGHT YOU DEBUTANTS NEEDED A REAL FISHERMAN ALONG.

YOU DID INVITE ME, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH, WE SURE DID.

WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP DOING THAT?

WELL, SHOULD WE ALL GET GOING?

NOW, I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE SLIM WHITMAN.

I'VE GOT 75 OF HIS GREATEST HITS.

NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES, YOU KNOW.

WHY--WHY DID HE HAVE TO SHOW UP?

FORGET ABOUT HIM. WE'LL HAVE FUN ANYWAY.

HEY, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT FISHY SMELL GETTIN' ON YOU.

I BROUGHT PLENTY OF LEMON WEDGES AND PAPER TOWELS

TO WIPE OUR HANDS ON.

WHY DID I HAVE TO SHOW UP?

[laughing]

(Roy) I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOZOS FELL FOR THAT.

YOU YELLED, "FIRE, FIRE! ABANDON SHIP."

WHAT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

YOU DID WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO.

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY ARE A FUN LITTLE GROUP.

OH, COME ON. DON'T BE SORE.

AFTER ALL, YOU GOT ME BACK WHEN YOU SAID

THERE WAS ANOTHER SAUSAGE ROLL, BUT THERE REALLY WASN'T.

LOOK, FRIDAY NIGHT AT HELEN'S.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT, RIGHT?

I'M GOOD AT THAT GAME, SO WATCH OUT.

WAIT A MINUTE. HOW DID HE KNOW?

WHAT?

[shivering]

FAY, YOU INVITED ROY FOR FRIDAY NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

GIVE ME 10 MINUTES WITH HIM, LIEUTENANT.

I'LL GET IT OUT OF HER.

I MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED SOME--

OH, FAY.

WHEN DID YOU TELL HIM?

WHEN WE WERE BOBBING UP AND DOWN IN THE WATER?

NO. BEFORE THAT, MISS SARCASTIC PANTS.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO PLAN A TRIVIAL PURSUIT NIGHT FOR AGES.

AND NOW ROY IS HORNIN' IN ON IT.

UH, UH, NO WAY IS HE COMIN'!

HE HAS TO COME.

HE'S MAKING HIS FAMOUS PASTA SALAD. AW.

IT'S REALLY QUITE GOOD.

NO KIDDING? DOES HE USE FRESH OR DRIED PASTA?

FRESH TORTELLINI STUFFED WITH BASIL AND CHEESE.

MMM. THAT SOUNDS GOOD. I HEAR HE MAKES HIS OWN MAYONNAISE.

REALLY? YOU KNOW, I TRIED THAT ONCE. YEAH--

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU DON'T--

CAN WE EXCHANGE RECIPES LATER, PLEASE?

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ROY HERE.

YEAH, BRIAN'S RIGHT.

FAY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO UNINVITE HIM.

NO, I CAN'T. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME. I'M TERRIBLE AT THAT.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS.

NO, I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T.

I WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T. NO, NO WAY. UH-UH.

[door closing]

FINE. I'LL DO IT.

UH, HELEN, COULD YOU ASK ROY TO COME IN HERE, PLEASE?

BRIAN, FREEZE.

I DIDN'T MOVE.

YEAH, BUT YOU WERE THINKIN' ABOUT IT.

I JUST WANT YOU IN HERE TO BACK ME UP.

JUST GO ALONG WITH WHATEVER I SAY, ALL RIGHT?

[knock on door] YEAH, COME IN.

HI. WHAT DO YOU WANT, HACKETT?

UH, COME ON IN. IT'S ABOUT FRIDAY NIGHT. OH.

UH, LISTEN, WE'RE REALLY ONLY DOING THIS FOR FAY'S BENEFIT.

IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A DRAG.

SO, UM, I'M GONNA DO YOU A FAVOR AND LET YOU OFF THE HOOK.

YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE TO COME.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT FAY, IS IT?

YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME THERE, DO YOU?

BASICALLY, NO.

[blubbering]

ROY...

I THINK WE UNDERESTIMATED HIS SENSITIVITY LEVEL.

WHO KNEW HE HAD ONE?

[Roy blubbering]

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?

15 MINUTES AND COUNTING.

POOR ROY. HE'S PROBABLY EMBARRASSED

BECAUSE HE LET HIS EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF HIM.

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE WE WOULD LAUGH OR MAKE FUN OF HIM OR ANYTHING.

[Roy blubbering]

[all laughing]

COME ON! COME ON. WE CAN'T DO THIS. THAT'S ALL.

[Roy blubbering]

NOW. SERIOUSLY.

MAYBE WE SHOULD RE-INVITE ROY FOR FRIDAY NIGHT.

AH, WHAT THE HELL? WHY NOT?

OK.

[sniffling]

YOU PEOPLE MUST REALLY THINK I'M PITIFUL.

WHY WOULD WE THINK THAT?

LISTEN, ROY, MAYBE WE WERE A LITTLE HASTY BEFORE.

WE'D REALLY LIKE TO HAVE YOU FRIDAY NIGHT.

OH, HACKETT, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.

NO, ROY. WE WOULD REALLY LIKE FOR YOU TO BE THERE.

REALLY WOULD. ALL OF YOU?

YES.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

KISS OFF.

I DON'T NEED YOU.

I DON'T NEED THE KIND OF PEOPLE

WHO WOULD TURN THEIR BACKS ON A MAN

WHO WAS OBVIOUSLY LONELY,

AND WANTING OF A LITTLE FRIENDSHIP.

GRANTED, WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER

IN THIS AIRPORT BECAUSE OF OUR JOBS,

BUT BEYOND THAT, BEYOND THESE WALLS,

YOU PEOPLE ARE DEAD IN MY EYES.

DO YOU THINK IF WE ASK HIM NICELY

HE'LL STILL MAKE THE PASTA SALAD?

[tapping]

OH, HI, ROY.

HEY, HACKETT.

UH, SHINING HER UP, HUH? YEAH.

YOU GO AHEAD. DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.

YOU KNOW, WATCHING YOU DO THAT TAKES ME BACK A BIT.

I--I USED TO DO THE SAME THING WHEN I GOT MY FIRST PLANE.

NO KIDDING?

IT WAS AN OLD DEHAVILLAND TWIN OTTER

I GOT FROM SOME GUY IN DELAWARE.

YEAH, SHE WASN'T MUCH TO LOOK AT,

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHIN' ABOUT HER THAT... I DON'T KNOW.

SHE WAS SPECIAL.

GOD, I LOVED THAT PLANE.

YEAH, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?

I TORCHED IT AND MADE A BUNDLE ON INSURANCE.

[sighing] WELL,

I GUESS I--I BETTER BE GETTIN' BACK.

[keys jingling]

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT, ROY?

NO. NO.

YEAH.

HOW DO YOU DO IT, HACKETT?

DO WHAT?

I MEAN, WE BOTH RUN COMMUTER AIRLINES ON THIS ISLAND.

BUSINESS-WISE, YOU MIGHT SAY WE'RE ON THE SAME LEVEL.

YEAH, EXCEPT, AS YOU ALWAYS REMIND ME, I HAVE 1 PLANE AND YOU HAVE 6.

AND I'M ABOUT TO BUY A 7TH. I'M TRYING TO BE NICE HERE, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT I'M SAYIN' IS, BUSINESS-WISE WE'RE THE SAME.

BUT--BUT PERSONAL-WISE...

YOU KNOW, UM, YOU KNOW, SOCIAL, SOCIAL-WISE,

I CAN'T COMPETE.

ROY, UH-- PEOPLE LIKE YOU, HACKETT.

NOT JUST IN THIS AIRPORT, BUT ALL OVER THE ISLAND.

HELL, EVEN I LIKE YOU AND I CAN'T STAND YOU.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT? HOW DO YOU MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU?

[plane engine whirring]

[sighing]

YOU CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, ROY.

UH, I GUESS IF PEOPLE LIKE ME, MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE, UH,

I TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY I'D LIKE TO BE TREATED.

OH, NO, NOT THAT GOLDEN RULE CRAP AGAIN.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S CORNY, BUT IT WORKS.

AND I GUESS IT HELPS THAT I LIKE PEOPLE.

I LIKE PEOPLE.

WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE BOZOS AND THE WEIRDOS

AND THE INCOMPETENT JERKS LIKE...

OK. OK. OK.

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU DON'T LIKE PEOPLE?

[chuckling]

THERE'S NO BIG SECRET TO IT, ROY.

LISTEN, A MINUTE AGO

YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO BE NICE.

WELL, DON'T TRY TO BE NICE.

BE NICE. PEOPLE WILL RESPOND IN KIND.

THEY WILL?

BELIEVE ME, THEY WILL.

EVEN CERTAIN PEOPLE ON A CERTAIN FRIDAY NIGHT?

WE'D LOVE IT IF YOU'D JOIN US, ROY.

REALLY.

I'D BE DELIGHTED TO ATTEND.

OH, HEY, ROY--

DON'T WORRY. I'LL BRING THE PASTA SALAD. I'M NOT STUPID.

GREAT.

OH, AND THANKS, HACK--

THANKS, JOE.

SURE, ROY.

[laughing nervously]

I'M TELLIN' YOU,

IF YOU GUYS COULD HAVE SEEN ROY IN THE HANGAR THE OTHER DAY,

HE WAS LIKE A LITTLE BOY.

DID HE STILL HAVE THE MUSTACHE?

OK, JOE, IF HE'S NICE TO US,

WE'LL BE NICE TO HIM. EVERYBODY AGREE?

(Fay) I AGREE.

I SAY WE PANTS HIM AND ROLL HIM OFF THE PIER.

[knock on door]

HI, ROY.

(Joe) HI, ROY, COME ON IN. YOU LOOK GREAT.

HELLO, GOOD PEOPLE.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT THAT IN THE FRIDGE FOR YOU?

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, HELEN. OH, LET ME-- LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANNA SERVE IT.

I LIKE TO TOSS IN THE FRESH DILL AT THE LAST MINUTE.

BOY, YOU REALLY ARE A GOURMET COOK, HUH, ROY?

OH, YES, I ENJOY COOKING.

IT PROVIDES ME WITH A CREATIVE OUTLET.

AH, THAT'S NOT THE ONLY OUTLET IT PROVIDES YOU WITH.

[laughing]

[laughing]

THAT'S DELIGHTFUL, BRIAN.

WELL, SHALL WE BEGIN THE GAME?

YEAH, OK, BEFORE WE START,

UH, WE GOT TO CHOOSE TEAMS.

NOW FIRST, WE EACH TAKE A SCORING WEDGE OR "PIE,"

AS THEY'RE SOMETIMES CALLED.

THEN WE HOLD OUT OUR HANDS CONTAINING THE SCORING WEDGE OR "PIE,"

AND WHEN I SAY "NOW,"

WE OPEN OUR HANDS SAYING "DECLARE" AS WE DO.

THE MATCHING COLORS ARE TEAMS, OK?

ALL RIGHT.

DO WE ACTUALLY SAY "DECLARE" OR DO WE JUST HOLD OUT OUR HANDS?

NO, WE SAY IT. OH, THAT IS STUPID. WHY?

'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.

OK, READY?

NOW.

(all) DECLARE.

AW, IT WAS EVEN STUPIDER THAN I THOUGHT.

OK, TEAMS ARE: HELEN AND ME,

BRIAN AND FAY, ROY AND LOWELL.

[chuckling]

ROLL TO SEE WHO GOES FIRST. 2.

ONE. GO.

6, ALL RIGHT. WE ARE FIRST.

CAN I BE CAPTAIN, ROY?

MY KIDS NEVER LET ME.

NOT ON YOUR-- UH, SURE. WHY NOT?

[clicking tongue] HEY, CAPTAIN, HUH?

3.

ENTERTAINMENT. THIS IS MY BEST CATEGORY.

OK, READY?

"WHAT LOVABLE REDHEAD AND HER REAL-LIFE CUBAN HUSBAND

STARRED IN THEIR OWN TELEVISION SERIES IN THE '50s?"

[imitating buzzer] ANN-MARGRET.

LUCILLE BALL.

OK, LOWELL. OK, OK, LOWELL.

THAT WAS A-- THAT WAS A GOOD TRY.

THEY'RE BOTH REDHEADS. BUT, UH, LET'S CONFER BEFORE ANSWERING, HUH?

[chuckling] WE'RE PARTNERS.

RIGHT, PARTNER. PARTNERS WHO DON'T TOUCH.

"WHAT HAPPENED AT 16 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS PAST 5:00 P.M.

"EASTERN STANDARD TIME ON THURSDAY,

NOVEMBER 9, 1965?"

JOE VACUUMED SOMETHING.

I HAVE NO IDEA. ME, EITHER.

THE LIGHTS WENT OUT.

[all exclaiming]

THE BLACKOUT.

I WAS IN QUIGLEY'S MARKET.

I WAS WATCHIN' T.V.

YEAH, I WAS IN THE GARAGE. GOD, THE STORIES.

ALL RIGHT.

LOWELL, THIS IS A PIE QUESTION, SO PAY ATTENTION, HUH?

"WHAT DOES SIMON WIESENTHAL HUNT?"

ANN-MARGRET.

[imitating buzzer]

DARN.

FUGITIVE NAZIS.

SIMON WIESENTHAL HUNTS ANN-MARGRET?

WELL, I THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE CRAZED FANS, ROY.

CRAZED? I'M GONNA SHOW YOU CRAZED--

ROY, TAKE IT EASY. ROY, WE'RE JUST TRYING TO HAVE A NICE EVENING.

YOU'RE RIGHT, JOE.

I'M SORRY, LOWELL. I'M SORRY.

[Joe imitating clock ticking]

MUST YOU DO THAT?

IT IS KIND OF ANNOYING, JOE.

DON'T LET THE CLOCK RUN OUT ON YOU.

(Joe) DING! SORRY.

THE ANSWER IS "SMELL."

I FORGOT THE QUESTION.

WHAT SENSE IS CLOSELY LINKED TO MEMORY?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT, MY NOSE IS STUFFED UP. I CAN'T REMEMBER A THING.

SCIENCE AND NATURE.

"WHO IS THE LARGEST USER OF SILVER IN THE WORLD?"

[imitating buzzer] ANN-MARGRET.

(Joe) THE KODAK CORPORATION.

LOWELL, ARE YOU NUTS?

ANN-MARGRET, THE LARGEST USER OF SILVER IN THE WORLD?

HAVE YOU SEEN HER VEGAS ACT, ROY?

THAT GAL'S GOT SOME JEWELRY.

[growling]

JOE, COULDN'T YOU JUST SAY,

"IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL ANSWER?"

BEFORE YOU SAY RIGHT OR WRONG, HUH?

YEAH, SURE. IS THIS YOUR OFFICIAL ANSWER?

[imitating buzzer] YES.

KODAK CORPORATION.

YOU JUST LOST THE CAPTAINCY, PAL.

(Roy) DON'T SAY A WORD, DON'T MAKE A SOUND,

DON'T MOVE, DON'T EVEN BREATHE.

ALL RIGHT. HIT IT.

"WHO WAS THE BLACK WOMAN WHO ON DECEMBER 1, 1955

"REFUSED TO GIVE UP HER SEAT

ON A MONTGOMERY BUS TO A WHITE MAN?"

[Joe imitating clock ticking] UM, IT WAS... NO, NO, NO, NO.

UM...

[babbling]

NO, NO WAY, I'M NOT GONNA SAY THAT. FORGET IT, NO.

UM...

UM...

MAYBE IT DOESN'T HAVE MUCH OF A CHANCE, ROY,

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME IF WE DON'T SAY SOMETHING,

WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHANCE AT ALL.

BUT I DEFER TO MY CAPTAIN.

UH, UM...

ANN-MARGRET.

[imitating buzzer]

ROSA PARKS.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LOWELL,

WHY DO YOU THINK ANN-MARGRET'S THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING?

I'VE PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE AND TRUST ME,

ANN-MARGRET IS THE ANSWER TO ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS.

THAT'S IT.

THAT DID IT.

FAY, I'M ON YOUR TEAM.

BRIAN, SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW PARTNER.

BUT I WAS WINNIN'.

LIFE'S HARD. SUCK IT UP.

WELL, WELL, FAY, I BELIEVE IT'S OUR TURN. AH-HA.

ENTERTAINMENT. THERE WE GO, FAY.

(Joe) READY? YEAH.

"WHAT ACTRESS MARRIED TO ROGER SMITH

SANG THE TITLE SONG IN THE FILM BYE BYE BIRDIE?"

[sighing]

BOY, THESE QUESTIONS ARE TOUGH.

I THINK IT WAS ANN-MARGRET.

NO, NO, NO, NO, DON'T SAY THAT, FAY. IT CAN'T BE.

BUT--BUT--BUT-- NO, FAY, FAY,

I'M NOT GONNA SAY THAT. I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER "ANN-MARGRET."

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG. DO YOU HEAR ME, FAY?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. IDA LUPINO.

IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL ANSWER? YEAH, YEAH.

[imitating buzzer]

ANN-MARGRET!

[muttering]

I TRIED, HACKETT. I REALLY DID.

BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LOWELL BEING MY PARTNER.

NO ONE COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT.

NO ONE ON THIS EARTH. NO OFFENSE, LOWELL.

NONE TAKEN, ROY.

LET'S JUST GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE, SHALL WE?

I'LL TREAT YOU THE WAY I'VE ALWAYS TREATED YOU

AND YOU TREAT ME THE WAY YOU'VE ALWAYS TREATED ME.

I THINK THAT'S THE WAY IT'LL--IT'LL WORK BEST FOR US.

BYE, ROY.

[muttering]

HE REALLY DID TRY TO BE NICE.

YEAH, HE DID.

MAYBE ONE OF US SHOULD GO GET HIM.

FORGET IT, I WON'T. NOT ME. I WON'T.

I REALLY CAN'T.

OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, I KNOW HOW WE CAN DECIDE WHO GOES.

WE'LL EACH TAKE A SCORING WEDGE OR "PIE"--

NO, NO, NO, NO. I CAN'T SIT THROUGH THAT AGAIN.

I'LL DO IT.

I FORGOT MY PASTA BOWL.

OH, BY THE WAY, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS SUNDAY AT JOE'S BARBECUE.

(Fay) HE'S MAKING CORN BREAD.