Original subtitles

[seagulls cawing]

[tires screeches]

ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 16

FROM NEW BEDFORD,

AND WELCOME TO OUR LOVELY ISLAND OF NANTUCKET.

AS YOU STROLL THROUGH TOWN,

YOU'LL PROBABLY NOTICE MY PRIZE-WINNING ROSE GARDEN.

PLEASE DON'T PICK THE FLOWERS.

I HAVE A FUNGO BAT, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.

[plane engine roaring]

[whistling]

HELEN. YEAH?

WHAT TIME SHOULD I PICK YOU UP? PICK ME UP? FOR WHAT?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER? AH. JOE, HELP ME OUT HERE.

HAVEN'T I BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS DATE ALL WEEK?

YOU TALK ALL THE TIME. I TRY NOT TO LISTEN.

BRIAN, IF THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR ATTEMPTS AT GETTING ME

TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH YOU, FORGET ABOUT IT.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?

I DON'T DATE PILOTS.

AH, YEAH, YOU'VE USED THAT EXCUSE AT LEAST A ZILLION TIMES.

AT LONG LAST, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT AGAINST PILOTS?

LOOK, I GREW UP IN THIS AIRPORT. I KNOW YOU GUYS.

IT'S LIKE YOU ALL ARE MEMBERS OF SOME EXCLUSIVE LITTLE CLUB

THAT NONE OF THE REST OF US CAN JOIN.

YOU ACT SO SMUG. SO SUPERIOR.

WELL, CAN YOU FLY A PLANE?

NO, NO, REALLY? OH, OH, TAKE A GUY LIKE JOE.

ROCK SOLID, OWNS HIS OWN AIRLINE,

A TAD BORING, BUT OF GOOD YANKEE STUFF. WHAT ABOUT HIM?

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT ME?

SEE, HE MAY SEEM A LITTLE MORE GROWN-UP ON THE SURFACE,

BUT UNDERNEATH THAT HAIRLESS CHEST

BEATS THE HEART OF A PILOT.

I GOT A LITTLE.

YOU'RE LOOKING TOO FAR DOWN, JOE.

SO, ENLIGHTEN US. WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF THE PERFECT MAN?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

SOLID, SENSITIVE AND DEPENDABLE.

BUT WITH A SENSE OF WHIMSY.

A LOVE OF MUSIC AND CHILDREN,

A SENSE OF COMMITMENT, BUT A RESPECT FOR MY INDEPENDENCE.

ADVENTUROUS YET A HOMEBODY.

BUT I REALLY HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT MUCH.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT, HELEN, BUT KERMIT IS A FROG.

SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT IF MR. RIGHT WALTZED IN HERE AND HE WAS A PILOT,

YOU STILL WOULD NOT GO OUT WITH HIM?

ABSOLUTELY.

PILOTS AND COMMITMENT DON'T MIX.

OH, COME ON, HELEN.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE PILOTS IN THE WORLD WHO ARE HAPPILY MARRIED?

I KNOW BOTH OF THEM AND THEY'RE CHEATING ON THEIR WIVES.

HEY, FAY,

YOU KNOW HOW I'VE BEEN COMPLAININ' I CAN NEVER GET A HOLD OF LOWELL

WHEN I NEED HIM? UH-HUH.

WELL, MY COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS ARE OVER. WATCH THIS.

HEY, LOWELL, I NEED YOU AT THE COUNTER.

HEY, ROY, HOW YOU DOING?

DID YOU SEE THAT, FAY?

THIS THING WORKS LIKE A CHARM.

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT WALKIE-TALKIE YOU GAVE ME?

THERE IT IS.

NOW, IF YOU NEED ME,

CALL ME ON THIS THING AND I'LL BE HERE ON THE DOUBLE.

[plane engine droning]

[humming]

SCHUBERT. THE TROUT QUINTET.

FOURTH MOVEMENT.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE PIECE OF CHAMBER MUSIC.

MINE, TOO.

I THINK OF ALL THE PIECES OF MUSIC ABOUT FISH,

IT'S BY FAR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL.

[bell ringing] HEY, JOE, JOE, JOE, JOE.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

YOU, UH, YOU ENJOY THEATER, DON'T YOU?

YEAH, WHY?

THE CURTAIN'S RISING, IT'S ACT ONE, SCENE ONE OF THE NEW SMASH HIT PLAY,

HELEN MEETS HER DREAM GUY BY BRIAN HACKETT.

WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?

(Brian) I HIRED THAT MAN DOWN THERE TO BE HELEN'S DREAM GUY.

(Joe) WHAT?

HE'S ACTUALLY MATT SARGENT, DISTINGUISHED ACTOR,

NOTED FOR MANY MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCES SUCH AS

BIFF IN DEATH OF A SALESMAN, MERCUTIO IN ROMEO AND JULIET.

CURRENTLY, HE'S THE TRUCK DRIVER IN THAT MILK OF MAGNESIA AD.

OH, YEAH.

HE'S GOOD IN THAT. VERY CONVINCING DISCOMFORT.

I CAME OVER TO THE ISLAND TO DO A LITTLE PAINTING.

OH, REALLY?

WATER COLORS? OILS?

VARNISH. I'M DOING THE DECK ON MY SUMMER PLACE.

[both laughing]

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BITE. WHY IS HE PRETENDING TO BE HELEN'S DREAM GUY?

IT'S A BRILLIANT PLAN.

MATT IS GONNA BE EVERYTHING HELEN EVER WANTED IN A GUY AND MORE,

AND THEN HE'S GONNA TELL HER THAT HE'S A PILOT.

IF HELEN STILL GOES OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM,

THEN SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO USE ANY ONE OF THOSE FLIMSY EXCUSES ON ME EVER AGAIN.

BRIAN, DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW STUPID THIS IDEA IS?

PLEASE DO, JOE. JUST FOR OLD-TIME'S SAKE. I MISS IT SO.

YOU'RE GOING THROUGH AN AWFUL LOT OF TROUBLE.

DO YOU REALLY WANT A DATE WITH HER THAT BADLY?

JOE, I'M USED TO HAVING WOMEN EITHER LOVING ME OR HATING ME.

AND THIS BIZARRE MIDDLE GROUND OF ADULT MATURE FRIENDSHIPS JUST MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL.

ALL RIGHT. SO YOU GET A DATE. WHAT'S NEXT?

I DON'T KNOW, JOE. I'M NOT YOU.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING IN ADVANCE.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT WE'RE HAVING CHICKEN NEXT TUESDAY NIGHT FOR DINNER.

ROAST PORK. IT'LL NEVER WORK, BRIAN. YES, IT WILL.

BECAUSE I'M AN EXPERT AT MANIPULATING PEOPLE.

I HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER THE HUMAN PSYCHE.

I AM

THE PUPPET MASTER.

WATCH HOW MY MARIONETTES DANCE FOR ME.

AH, FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO HATES SUSHI.

I JUST DON'T GET IT. AH!

(Brian) HIGH ON A HILL WAS A LONELY GOATHERD

LAY EE ODL LAY EE ODL LAY HEE HOO

[barks]

(Lowell on walkie-talkie) THIS IS RED RAIDER CALLING RAGING STALLION.

COME IN, RAGING STALLION.

THIS IS RAGING STALLION.

WHAT?

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

ALTHOUGH I CERTAINLY COULD HAVE.

THIS IS AEROMASS BUSINESS, FAY.

IT DOES NOT CONCERN YOU.

COME IN, RED RAIDER.

CAN I TALK TO FAY?

[clears throat] UH, OK, OK.

LOWELL NEEDS TO TALK TO, UH, TO YOU.

HELLO, THIS IS FAY.

DID YOU BRING THAT SCAMPI RECIPE IN TODAY?

YES, I DID. DO YOU WANT IT NOW?

SURE. LET ME FIND A PENCIL AND PAPER HERE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

OH, MADE IN KOREA.

THEY EAT DOGS THERE, YOU KNOW?

FIRE AWAY.

UM, ALL RIGHT, RED RAIDER.

TAKE ONE POUND OF SHRIMP, SHELLED AND DEVEINED.

EXCUSE ME, BUT WHO IS SHELDON DEVANE?

I KNOW ALMOST ALL OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS ISLAND.

THAT IS SHELLED AND DEVEINED, YOU IDIOT!

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOU

IF YOU DON'T GET BACK TO WORK.

ROGER, RAGING STALLION.

PSST.

FAY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

UH, YES, LOWELL.

DON'T BE CONSPICUOUS, BUT CAN YOU SEE ROY

FROM WHERE YOU ARE?

YES, I CAN.

IS HIS FACE REALLY RED LIKE A TOMATO?

YES, IT IS.

UH-OH. I'LL BE HIDING OUT BEHIND THE UTILITY SHED.

DON'T TELL ROY.

HE WON'T HEAR IT FROM ME.

GOOD MORNING, HELEN.

NO, IT'S NOT A GOOD MORNING.

IT IS A GREAT MORNING. IT IS A FANTASTIC MORNING.

IT'S THE KIND OF MORNING THAT JUST MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. IT'S A KIND OF MORNING

WHEN YOU WANNA SPRAY YOURSELF WITH LEMON PLEDGE

AND SLIDE DOWN A BANNISTER.

WHY SO CHIPPER?

I MET A GUY.

OH, REALLY?

WE WENT ON A DATE LAST NIGHT

AND I HAD THE BEST TIME.

CANDLELIGHT DINNER, CAPPUCCINO ON THE WHARF, TERRIFIC SEX.

WHAT?

JUST SEEING IF YOU WERE LISTENING.

YOU KNOW I HATE CAPPUCCINO.

HEY, HERE HE COMES.

OOH, HE'S A HANDSOME BRUTE.

I SAW THIS IN A GARDEN THIS MORNING AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

AND I KNEW YOU HAD TO HAVE IT.

THAT'S VERY SWEET. THANK YOU.

IT WASN'T EASY, THOUGH. SOME CRAZY LADY CHASED ME 5 BLOCKS WITH A FUNGO BAT.

UH, MATT, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO JOE AND BRIAN HACKETT.

HOW ARE YOU, JOE? HI, MATT.

HMM. SO, YOUNG MATTHEW, UH,

WHERE DO YOU HAIL FROM? NEW YORK.

OH, REALLY? AND WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?

I FLY. I'M A PILOT FOR PAN AM.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT NEVER CAME UP.

OH, WELL, LISTEN, I HAVE TO RUN.

I CAME BY TO TELL YOU THAT I WILL PICK YOU UP TONIGHT AT 8:00.

NICE TO MEET YOU, FELLAS.

BYE, MATT.

OH, DARN, DARN, DARN, DARN.

ISN'T THAT JUST LIKE LIFE?

YOU THINK YOU'VE FOUND THE PERFECT GUY AND WHAM,

YOU GET HIT RIGHT IN THE TEETH, HUH!

IF ONLY IT WASN'T FOR THAT DANG NO-DATING-PILOTS RULE OF YOURS.

[clicks tongue] HUH.

OH, THAT.

[razzing]

[razzing] SHE SAYS.

MY PLAN HAS WORKED TO PERFECTION.

NOW SHE NO LONGER HAS ANY MORE EXCUSES TO NOT GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME.

WAIT, BRIAN, ARE YOU SURE YOU THOUGHT THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH?

JOE, JOE, YOU DOUBT THE PUPPET MASTER?

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT, BRIAN? I'M DONE WITH DATING RULES.

OH, REALLY? YUP.

FROM NOW ON, MATT'S THE ONLY GUY FOR ME.

I'M IN LOVE.

ANY MORE BRIGHT IDEAS, GEPPETTO?

WAY TO GO, BRIAN.

YOU MANAGED TO GET HELEN, WHO YOU WANNA GO OUT WITH, TO FALL FOR A GUY

WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A PILOT SO SHE WON'T GO OUT WITH HIM, BUT WITH YOU INSTEAD.

IF WE WERE TO DIAGRAM THAT SENTENCE,

EXACTLY WHERE WOULD YOU PUT THE GERUND?

I THINK YOU KNOW WHERE.

YOU ARE GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH.

NO, NO. NO, NO.

THAT'S NOT AN OPTION. WHY NOT?

ALL RIGHT, LET ME ASK YOU THIS:

HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE SLIGHTEST ROMANTIC INTEREST IN HELEN?

BRIAN, I TOLD YOU WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS, THAT'S ALL.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ARE YOU SAYING

THAT YOU'VE NEVER FELT THE FAINTEST ATTRACTION,

THE TINIEST YEARNING, THE MOST FLEETING MISFIRING OF A NERVE

IN YOUR NETHER REGIONS?

MAYBE-- WELL, YOU CAN FORGET THAT PIPE DREAM, BUDDY.

BECAUSE IF SHE FINDS OUT YOU'RE IN ON THIS SCHEME YOU ARE HISTOIRE, MAN.

[sighs]

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

DOES THIS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

ISN'T THAT THE WAY DEAF PEOPLE SAY SPARKLING WATER?

MATT. DID ANYBODY SEE YOU COME IN HERE?

JUST SOME GUY IN COVERALLS SINGING MOON RIVER INTO A WALKIE-TALKIE.

MAYBE I SHOULD, UH... NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S OK.

JOE'S ONE OF US.

OH.

SO HOW AM I DOIN'?

FINE.

REALLY? 'CAUSE I THINK I'VE GOT A HANDLE ON THIS MATT CHARACTER.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT WE JUST HAVE A--A SLIGHT PROBLEM HERE.

OH, YOU HATED ME.

NO, NO, NO, WE LOVED YOU.

BUT SO DID HELEN. SHE'S FALLEN FOR YOU. THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

SO W-WE'VE GOT A SLIGHT CHANGE IN OUR GAME PLAN.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE HELEN

NOT WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN.

OH, IMPROVISATION. I LIKE THAT.

I'M THINKING ON MY FEET. I'M THINKING ON MY FEET.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

NO, NO, NO. IT'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING GOOD.

HEY.

UH, WHAT IF MATT TELLS HELEN TO QUIT PLAYING THE CELLO.

SHE'D NEVER GIVE UP MUSIC.

WHY, JOE, YOU LOVABLE WEASEL.

UH, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

WELL, YOU COULD SAY

THAT YOU LOVE HER SO MUCH

THAT YOU CAN'T BEAR TO SHARE HER WITH HER MUSIC.

IT'S GOOD. THAT'S VERY GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW, GUYS. I DON'T THINK THAT FITS IN VERY WELL WITH MY CHARACTER.

I MEAN, WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION?

ANOTHER $50?

I CAN MAKE THAT WORK.

BRIAN, ARE YOU DONE WITH MY COMPACT? SHH!

FAY, FAY, FAY, WE'RE TRYING TO SPY ON MATT AND HELEN.

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?

[exclaims]

HERE IT COMES, JOE, HERE IT COMES.

THIS IS WHERE MATT TELLS HELEN TO GIVE UP THE CELLO.

POOR KID, SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S IN SHOCK.

MMM-HMM. NOW WATCH.

WATCH, JOE. WATCH HOW SKILLFULLY

THE PUPPET MASTER GUIDES OUR HEROINE

THROUGH THESE EMOTIONAL SHRILLS.

SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE MATT. HE CAN'T MEAN WHAT HE JUST SAID.

UH, BUT MATT'S SAYING, YES, YES, HE DID MEAN IT.

UH, AND NOW COMES THE CLIMAX OF OUR LITTLE PLAY

WHERE HELEN DEFIANTLY DECLARES

THAT SHE WILL NOT GIVE UP THE CELLO FOR ANY MAN.

OH, MY GOD!

MAYBE SHE MISUNDERSTOOD THE QUESTION.

HELEN, HELEN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MATT ASKED ME TO GIVE UP THE CELLO FOR HIM,

SO I DID.

I'LL BE READY TO GO IN A MINUTE.

HEY-- MATT, MATT.

THIS HAS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND.

Y-YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TELL HELEN THE TRUTH.

I'M AFRAID THAT THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM WITH THAT, GUYS.

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HELEN'S WONDERFUL.

SHE GAVE UP THE CELLO FOR ME.

BUT YOU'RE NOT YOU.

YOU'RE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. I HIRED YOU TO PLAY A PART.

HERE'S YOUR MONEY BACK.

I'M NOT ACTING ANYMORE, GUYS.

I LOVE HER.

LISTEN, HONEY, I KNOW THAT THIS IS SUDDEN.

BUT IF WE FEEL THE WAY THAT WE DO, YEAH?

WHY SHOULD WE WAIT?

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

MARRY YOU? I CAN ANSWER THAT.

YES, OF COURSE I WILL.

YES, OF COURSE-- WHAT?

TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON I SHOULDN'T BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU?

I'M ON YOUR MEDICAL PLAN.

LOOK, JOE. JOE, JOE.

I KNOW THINGS SEEM A BIT CONVOLUTED AT THE MOMENT,

BUT DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

YOU FORGET I AM--

THE VILLAGE IDIOT? CORRECT.

YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO TELL HER THE TRUTH. WHAT, NOW?

NO, ON THEIR GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

OK, OK. GO AHEAD.

OK, I'M--I'M GOING.

GO AHEAD. I'M GOING.

LOOK, UH, HELEN,

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU AND YOU MIGHT NOT BE TOO HAPPY.

ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I'VE EVER BEEN.

LISTEN, HELEN.

MATT'S AN ACTOR. I HIRED HIM TO PLAY A PILOT.

I KNOW.

YOU WHAT?

MATT TOLD ME, AND I DON'T CARE.

AND YOU STILL LOVE HIM?

OF COURSE I DO.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. MATT, THE ACTOR?

MATT "HOW AM I DOING" SARGENT?

ISN'T HE GREAT?

CAMUS WAS RIGHT. LIFE IS ABSURD.

H-HELEN, UH, I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

HELEN, YOU CAN'T MARRY MATT.

JOE, I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T, DO YOU?

NO.

WELL, YES, YES. THERE IS A REASON.

UH, I DON'T KNOW QUITE HOW TO PUT THIS BUT, WELL...

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D DO THIS. NOT LIKE THIS.

NOT NOW.

HEY, UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

JOE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN'?

WHAT HAPPENED TO "WE'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS"?

HELEN, OH, GOD.

HELEN, I LOVE YOU.

HEY, BACK OFF, BUDDY. SHE LOVES ME.

I'VE LOVED YOU FOR A LONG TIME.

IF I MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL TO YOU, DON'T GO.

WHOA, WHOA. SENSORY OVERLOAD. WHOA.

JOE, I NEVER KNEW YOU FELT THIS WAY.

HELEN, HELEN, WHAT ABOUT US?

SHE LOVES ME, DON'T YOU, HELEN?

HELEN?

UM...

MATT, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS TO YOU,

BUT I GUESS I'VE ALWAYS LOVED JOE EVER SINCE WE WERE KIDS.

I JUST NEVER KNEW HE FELT THE SAME WAY. HELEN.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU LOVE JOE NOW?

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE GONNA DUMP ME JUST LIKE THAT? I THOUGHT--

HEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER.

YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME?

YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMIN', JOE.

HEY, HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HEY, NOW, TAKE IT EASY NOW.

HELEN AND I BELONG TOGETHER.

I LOVE HER.

YEAH, OF COURSE YOU LOVE HER. WE ALL LOVE HER.

SHE'S A SWEETIE. SHE'S A CUTIE. SHE'S TO DIE FOR-- WRONG PHRASE.

SHUT UP!

SHUTTING UP. SHUTTING UP.

MATT, DON'T DO THIS. WE CAN ALL TALK ABOUT THIS.

DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL MARRY ME?

HE IS QUITE A CATCH.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU-- HEY!

OH, GOD! BE CAREFUL. JEEZ, NO!

[crashing]

(Helen) OH, MY GOD.

[gun firing]

OH, NO.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

JOE. JOE, WAIT, WAIT!

OH, GOD.

HELEN, ALL I WANTED WAS A MEASLY DATE FROM YOU.

I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN.

NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T GO IN THERE. DON'T GO IN THERE. DON'T...

HELEN, PLEASE, DON'T GO IN THERE.

[sobbing]

[screaming]

OH, GOD! OH, GOD!

[screams]

[both laughing]

HO!

DON'T YOU LOVE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY, WE'RE JUST YANKING YOUR STRINGS THERE, BRO. YEAH, BRIAN.

AFTER ALL, WE ARE...

(all) THE PUPPET MASTERS.

[whooping]

(Lowell on walkie-talkie) RAGING STALLION, RAGING STALLION,

THIS IS RED RAIDER. COME IN. OVER.

WHAT IS IT, LOWELL?

I HAVE A BIT OF A PROBLEM HERE, ROY.

YOU KNOW THAT WROUGHT IRON FENCE BY THE UTILITY SHED?

YEAH.

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHETHER THERE WAS ENOUGH ROOM

FOR ME TO STICK MY HEAD BETWEEN THE BARS.

WELL, I WON'T KEEP YOU IN SUSPENSE. THERE IS.

BUT EITHER MY HEAD'S SWELLED OR MY EARS ONLY BEND ONE WAY.

I GUESS I'M KIND OF STUCK HERE.

DON'T PANIC, LOWELL. I'M ON MY WAY.

I'LL BRING THE WALKIE-TALKIE WITH ME SO WE'LL BE IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION.

OK, BUT DON'T TAKE TOO LONG, ROY.

I'M STARTING TO LOSE FEELING IN MY FACE.

HEADING HOME, ROY? YOU BETCHA.

[laughing] SEE YOU TOMORROW, HELEN.

GOOD NIGHT, HELEN. GOOD NIGHT.

HEY. THANKS AGAIN FOR TIPPING ME OFF ABOUT MATT.

YEAH, I KNEW RIGHT OFF THE BAT THIS WAS A PRETTY STUPID STUNT,

EVEN BY BRIAN'S STANDARDS.

PROP GUN, FAKE CELLO.

YEAH. IT WAS FUN STICKIN' IT TO HIM.

YEAH, IT SURE WAS.

THAT KISS SURE TOOK ME BY SURPRISE, THOUGH.

WE TALKED ABOUT THE KISS.

NO, WE DIDN'T.

AW, I COULD SWEAR WE DID.

I THINK I WOULD'VE REMEMBERED.

OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.

NO, THAT'S OK. I THOUGHT IT WORKED OUT ALL RIGHT.

YEAH. ME, TOO.

[chuckles] IT WAS A GOOD KISS.

UH-HUH.

YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS GOOD?

NO, IT WAS FINE.

FINE, BUT NOT GOOD?

[clears throat]

JOE, IT'S JUST A DIFFERENCE IN TECHNIQUE, THAT'S ALL.

YOU'RE A STIFF-LIPPER AND I'M A SOFT.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

WELL, I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE.

DOES IT MAKE THAT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE?

YES.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

WHAT? YOU WANNA KISS ME AGAIN?

OH, DON'T BE STUPID. THIS IS JUST AN ACTING EXERCISE.

AND JUST RELAX.

DON'T PUCKER UP LIKE DUDLEY DO-RIGHT. JUST RELAX YOUR LIPS.

(Lowell on walkie-talkie) MOON RIVER, WIDER THAN A MILE

I'M CROSSING YOU IN STYLE

SOMEDAY

GOD, I LOVE THAT SONG.

HMM. LIKE THAT?

THAT WAS BETTER, THAT WAS MUCH BETTER.

WELL, THANKS FOR THE TIP.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

CHAIRS.

[ice cubes clinking]

[sighing]

(Lowell) HEY, LOOK AT THAT.

I JUST SAW A CAR EXACTLY LIKE YOURS GO BY, ROY.

WHO'D HAVE GUESSED THERE WERE 2 PURPLE EL CAMINOS ON NANTUCKET?

WE'RE AFTER THE SAME RAINBOW'S END

WAITING ROUND THE BEND

MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND

ROY, ARE YOU MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND?

MOON RIVER AND ME