Original subtitles

What are you doing?

Where's the guy you thought you would find?

A little bird in a grapevine fooling around to get him out of your mind.

Hell, honey.

How did a nice girl like you get into this business?

How did a nice girl like you get caught in this game?

Sweet little broad-leaved and scranton and a pretty doll in her hand.

A growing heartbeat deep in her tummy.

Gonna hook a daddy-type man.

Hell, honey.

How did a nice girl like you get into this trouble?

How did a nice girl like you get to be misled?

Kid, you're making it big now, but your smile is beginning to fade.

It's a tough world and tough people run it. Play it cool, you've already been

laid. Shucks, honey.

How did a nice girl like you get into the money?

How did a nice girl like you get into the door?

How did a nice girl like you get caught in this game?

Would you like another drink?

Now don't you try to make an alcoholic out of me.

The very thought of another glass of that green poison that you drink turns

my stomach.

Rosa, what do you want for my life?

I am going too bad.

Wake me at five, Rosa.

I have an appointment with the hairdresser.

I can't possibly see the Angelis tonight looking like the way I do.

Rose, if you sleep all day, you're going to start wandering around in the night

again.

Oh, Rose.

Hello.

Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation.

Are you really the Duke of Caracciolo?

That is correct.

Signor, I have a wonderful surprise for you. A young lady, a surprise like you,

an Italian nobleman, has always time.

I'm sure you're going to love it.

Signorina, can you give me a hint? What is this surprise?

Just look at me.

Look at you? But that's what I'm doing.

How would you like to look at me in room 102?

Oh, signorina, I'm shocked.

I can guarantee it won't be an unpleasant shock.

I suppose you can't guarantee this.

Have you ever heard of Scranton? You mean my old friend Bill Scranton?

No, I mean Scranton, Pennsylvania.

That's a little town full of Civil War monuments and cannons and churches.

People still go to bed at 9 o'clock, eat popcorn on Sunday nights, and pray for

the president.

Everybody makes a living off the masses of anthracite coal they have there.

It buries the ugly town in dirt.

Girls can only dream of the world outside where fashionable New York

ladies wear fancy dresses from Paris.

In those days, my dreams were mostly of love.

Ronnie Markham was the type of boy a girl likes to take home.

His parents were Danish and wanted him to go to college to become somebody.

He would have done anything to win the heart of, yes, the greatest baton

twirler in the history of West Scranton High School, which happened to be me.

At the ball games, when I stepped out in that gorgeous costume of mine and rolled

the baton, the girls just cried with envy.

especially when thousands of screaming students almost took the stadium apart

raving over my performance.

Hi, Mom.

Come on, Ronnie.

My mom couldn't have been happier. My school days were nearly over, and

looking at Ronnie made her dream about grandchildren.

My father was a mining consultant, and as puritanical as any other father who

only has one daughter to lose.

I was only ten years old when I realized that boys have something that girls

don't.

Come on, Ronnie.

Hi, Daddy.

Let's go.

Good evening, Mr. Keith.

Now, don't get in any trouble, Ronnie.

Of course not, Mr. Keith.

You can catch that, Ronnie.

Ronnie had everything a girl could ask for.

Everything that is except sex appeal.

Of this he had about as much as his exhaust pipe.

We girls had hard fat brules. Never a kiss on the first night. No more than

three on the second.

Unlimited kissing in every activity from the waist up after a month or so, but

never the real thing.

When I heard that a girl who always gave in to boys was the first one to get

married, I began wondering who was right, especially when I found myself

closing my eyes and dreaming of being caressed by Nick Caliero.

Nick was older and the dead opposite of Ronnie.

More than once, I caught him eyeing me in a breathtakingly direct way.

He was frightening and fascinating at the same time.

I had a feeling that this sort of guy always got what he liked, whereas Ronnie

only got what I liked.

Hey, Lynn.

I got what you wanted.

Lynn.

Hey, man.

You're Ronnie Markham, aren't you?

Yeah. But what do you think you're doing? You almost ran into me. Sorry

about that.

Hey, listen.

I want to invite you up to a blast at my place every night. You make it?

Me?

Yeah, you.

Well, that's very nice of you, Nick.

Why, sure, I'll come.

Thanks a lot.

Welcome to the party, Ronnie. Glad you could come, man.

Thanks again, Nick. Find the place all right?

Sure.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'd like you to meet Lynn, Nick.

Hi. Hello.

Want a drink?

Here at Cote's all we got.

I'd love a beer.

Not here in front of all these people.

What's wrong? They're all doing it.

Well, anyway, I just saw a couple who were... I didn't know Ronnie was so

hooked on sex.

Thank you.

Who, me?

Well, now we know. Why don't you take your chick in the back room, then?

Count me out. What do you mean?

Okay. Let's all have a drink together, huh?

Yeah.

They're really nice.

Nick had a fantastic way of making... And Ronnie, instead of

quietly drinking his beer, all of a sudden began to behave real stupid.

He was obviously trying to show Nick that he, too, was able to get along with

girls.

He really didn't look afraid.

Wow!

Ronnie!

What about Ronnie? What about Ronnie?

Oh, I came with him.

So you want to wait till he wakes up?

That was the way Nick handled things. When he led me to that crazy motorbike,

I somehow got nervous. We're going to take that.

Put your foot on it.

Okay.

Here, hook that up.

I can't see it.

Put your feet up here.

His cool approach to that ride didn't fool me.

I sensed that something was going to happen, but I couldn't possibly know how

fast this devil was.

The next day was just awful.

I was sure everybody could see in my face what had happened.

And a feeling of guilt.

Being 16 now, I wasn't thin exactly as my mother had predicted.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Lynn.

Happy birthday to you.

Mom and I got what you wanted, dear. A real racing bike so you can go riding

with Ronnie.

with you don't you touch me i've been trying to call you all week i was

serious my heart was pounding like a hammer how dare he come to our house

like that oh i told myself now you're really in trouble in peace

Later that night, I thought about the problem.

Did I really want to marry Ronnie?

Why not try to change Nick's mind?

If I play his game and play it cool, maybe he'll ask me that beautiful

question.

Heaven's sake. You behave more strangely every day, Len.

When girls set their minds to break up, they can be a lot more cruel than boys.

Believe me.

Where have you been?

I've called you every day.

I'm sorry, Ronnie, but this is it.

I don't love you anymore.

You want to break?

Why? You can't. Listen, Ronnie, I don't want to hurt you.

But, Lynn, I love you.

Who's going to get married?

Like I said, when girls set their minds on a thing, they get it. That night, I

felt like the smartest girl alive.

Is that you, Nick?

This is Lynn Keith.

Yes.

I said, how about it tonight?

What do you mean, how about what?

Do I have to spell it out for you or something?

No, I'm not putting you on. I promise.

I'm on the corner of 4th and Main.

I love you, Nick.

The second time, I really liked it.

To be honest, I was crazy about that guy.

He must have thought I was a nympho or something.

We never talked of love or marriage. I was just his girl. And we spent almost

every night together.

The rude awakening came with the spring.

In those glorious days, my mood...

Okay. I'm going to have a baby,

Nick.

What?

You put me on.

No, Nick. I'm pregnant.

We have to get married.

We have to get married!

Did you ever hear of the pill?

Me? You know the Pope is forbidden it.

The Pope?

You know the Pope?

I don't know the Pope.

What the hell does the Pope have to do with it?

Look, you're a dumb kid, you know that?

Dumb! I mean, don't you know how to take care of yourself?

I've been with a lot of chicks.

Take care of myself?

Nick, you were the first time. Oh, come on.

we, honey. Look, you know a lot of guys. Pin this on one of them. What are you

talking about? You're the only guy I've ever been with. Oh, come on.

You bastard.

You dirty, rotten bastard.

How can you do this to me?

You said you loved me.

Yeah, I loved you. I love you now, but I'm not gonna marry you.

How would you like me to go to the police?

Yeah, I'd love it.

I'd love it. I'll even drive you there, Lynn.

I want to see their faces when I tell them what a tramp you are. You know

that? A tramp? I'll give them a lift.

You dirty...

the last I saw of them.

Naive as I was, I thought a baby was breaking up.

God, was I wrong again.

Nick!

Nick!

By the time I got home, every method of suicide had raced through my mind.

But I guess you have to be destined for that.

I just couldn't do it. I simply felt like running away.

The thought of breaking it to my parents or facing the girls at school was

unbearable. I never wanted to see Scranton again until I found myself a

nice, good-looking husband.

Maybe in New York.

So the same night, I took my best clothes and popped the airlock I wanted

to Hoboken.

It was on that filthy train that I saw a colorful ad of the Catskills and

switched my plans on the spot.

The next day, I started as a waitress at Berkowitz's Lightview Hotel for $20 a

week. They even had a cute uniform, and nobody bothered me with questions.

That is.

Hello. I didn't know this hotel would be so much fun.

It isn't. What time do you finish?

Whenever I'm done.

Well, when you are done, can I buy you a drink?

A drink? Well, I don't know.

Okay, Casanova.

First me and now her.

Why don't you try the Mater D?

The staff is not one of the facilities we make available to our guests, Miss

Keefe. Yes, sir.

Of course, sir.

The dear old thing seemed so concerned about my morals.

But I had already discovered that outside of Pennsylvania, everybody

hopped in and out of the sack with each other.

Especially the staff.

Leading the path... Our Austrian maitre d' had a very individual routine for

persuading new members of his staff to say, ja.

Thank you, Mr. Bellman.

Don't you drink?

Ow! What are you doing, Mr. Bellman?

Don't play innocent with me. Ow!

You know why I don't live?

I remember the first time I saw you.

Yeah, you had a sweet little facade and I saw under it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I saw that you had a hot passion. A hot passion for a thousand and one nights.

But I'm from Scroton, Mr. Bell. Yeah, well, that's for the other employees.

You crazy little nymph.

For you, Horst.

Pino, the hotel hairdresser, a real Italian swinger.

The first moment we met, he whispered in my ear that he had a custom-built bed in

his Buick.

Unfortunately, for weekdays only.

Friday nights, he rushed off to his wife and kids in Brooklyn.

Not to forget the bellhop and the busboy, two friends I really had fun

with.

Hi, Lib. Jimmy, what's the matter with you? I thought maybe we'd, uh...

After three months of telling you guys to keep their hands off me and be good

boys, one night I found myself dying to kiss a good-looking state trooper whom

I'd known just 15 minutes.

And you really want to arrest me?

Uh, well, if only you weren't called Lynn Keefe.

Why the hell does it have to be me who... But I haven't done anything.

You ran away from home, Lynn, and your parents are looking for you.

My job.

Wait for me under my window.

Luckily for me, he was the only cop for miles around.

Shit, that was the last thing I needed.

I scored at home pregnant by the police.

Jesus, what have you got in there? The hotel silver?

In Berkowitz's Clear Lake Hotel, I'd celebrated my 17th birthday and felt

just like a grown-up.

I had him take me to the Philadelphia bus.

New York somehow frightened me.

It was time to take off anyway.

My tummy was beginning to show.

With the $600 I'd made, I could afford a tiny room at the university.

Strangely enough, I suddenly developed a real interest in campus life.

I was very worried about the baby having no father.

And I thought, well, if you have to find one, why not a university guy with

brains?

All of a sudden, a terrible thing happened. Right there in the middle of

the campus.

As we drove into the hospital, I remember thinking, we lost a baby.

You don't need a father for him anymore.

Thank God you don't need a father for him anymore.

His name was Clint, and to this day he's the only person I would willingly kill.

When he came to my room after the operation, I took one look at him and

fell hopelessly in love.

He was my dream come true.

We only talked for a few minutes, but I could see right away that he felt the

same way I did.

After that, He visited me every day, held my hand, kissed my fingertips, and

said I shouldn't excite myself.

We had agreed to talk about the future on the day I was discharged.

I'm sorry I'm late. I got held up.

Hey, you look pretty good today.

Kiss me. Please kiss me.

I don't want you to get excited.

Now, I want you to understand.

You were in such bad shape when they brought you in here, I just couldn't,

well, treat you the way I would.

I mean, you were alone and frightened, and I was afraid you might do something

to hurt yourself.

Do you understand me?

Look, we had a girl come in here, a girl like you, and she threw herself out the

window two weeks before her baby was dead.

What are you talking about? What?

Lynn, listen. What I'm trying to say is I was afraid you might do the same

thing. I mean, everybody was.

Besides... Look, I don't know how to say it.

I'm happily married.

Lynn, I love my wife. I just can't go around falling in love with my patients.

Go away! Leave me alone!

Go away! Leave me alone!

Lynn, listen.

Go away! Just throw yourself at me.

I asked you to be reasonable.

It wasn't easy to ignore you.

Like I said, I hated that man.

After my release from the clinic, I tried everything to get a job in

Philadelphia, but unfortunately I failed as a driving waitress, a donut salesman,

and a street vendor.

Am I all right?

That's fine.

Come here. Come closer.

Come on. Don't be afraid.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

How about the bosom?

Oh, yeah.

Would you please take off the top, miss?

The top?

Mm-hmm.

You didn't say anything about the top.

I thought you were looking for somebody.

Now, come on.

Send her home if she doesn't want to.

She's not sexy anyway.

But I thought you were looking for somebody to model for a fashion show. Of

course, baby.

But you've got to show underwear.

That's obvious.

Come on, take it off.

I never did that before.

Do you need the dough or don't you?

Ten dollars.

If you've got the capers. No.

I won't do that.

Twenty. Let that go, Jeff.

Stupid bitch.

Now, wait a minute.

The same night I took off for Boston.

I had $4.85 in my pocket.

Maybe I should have let the Smyrna brothers take a turn at my bosom. A

ridiculous situation.

Howdy.

This here's some paper.

Yes, and about 50 others, too.

Oh, sure. I'm just trying to be friendly.

Just trying to pick up a broad, you mean.

Well, you got the wrong chick, Admiral, so go win a war someplace, huh?

Major Marine, honey.

Is that up for a nice little gal to talk?

I'm not a nice little girl.

I'm a prostitute, and this just happens to be my day off, so beat it, huh?

Really, I never... You a pastor, too?

What's your price?

Screw you.

Come on, kid, no sign.

What's your price, huh?

Some men you wouldn't believe.

This old fogey in his silly uniform really and honestly seems to think that

I would just get up and go lie down with him someplace.

He must be nuts.

Out of his mind.

$100. Uh-huh. That's a hell of a lot of money, girl.

And a hell of a lot of girl, Admiral.

Thank you.

I meant Boston, not here.

Come on, Admiral. Just think of all the fun you'll have telling the boys at the

officer's club.

You banged a girl on the bus to Boston.

Well?

You think you really can?

Ride free in a bus?

You don't get... At this speed?

You don't get seasick, do you?

I don't remember the actual happening.

All I know is that I kept thinking, $100,

$100.

I could live on that money for three weeks in Boston.

My reason simply stopped functioning and my last inhibitions went to the wind.

One more time, who cares?

Nobody would ever know it anyway.

Excuse me for getting a little funny, but how does a nice gal like you ever

get in this business?

It's a torpedo, an innocent girl on a bus to Boston.

And there it happened.

Right in front of the beautiful house of Sergeant Schriever.

I took a last look. The sea was noisy.

Are you crazy?

What do you think you're doing riding into me like that? You're going to kill

yourself. My God, are you hurt?

Maybe you ought to get a doctor.

Is there help? Is there anybody here who can help me? I bumped into one of the

biggest businessmen in Boston who was so shocked that he gave me a job as an

elevator girl in his office building.

I can only say that I regret I came here this afternoon. If we'd been friends for

so many years, I never would have come. This is incredible.

What this guy tried to do is bribe me. Mild bribery. Bribe me, Bob Green.

I've been in this business for ten years. I've never experienced anything

like it. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, well, I got a mind to go to the district attorney so that the guys like

me try to undermine the honor of my profession.

We'll be forced out of the business. All I did was offer you a partnership in our

company, Green.

Yeah, so that I'll be sure to play all the records you're a company. For the

sole purpose of you, you're going to steal a few records and advise me of the

commercial possibilities. That's all. What is all this hysteria for?

I'll kick your teeth.

Well, that's my business, to know what people your age will buy.

But that's not why I brought you up here, just to listen to a few sounds.

I have a problem, and I think you can help me.

Me? You're kidding.

I don't know anything about records. How can I help?

Tell me something, honey.

Have you ever slept with a man?

What?

What do you mean, Mr. Blake?

My name is Frank.

And I didn't mean that personally, but that's the way I am.

I believe in being honest from the word go.

Oh, you're so right.

Honesty. Everybody in this world should be honest. Anyway, we have plenty of

time for that later.

Right now, I'd like you to listen to another sound.

Relax. What?

This is your WBOB good guy, Bob Green. Yeah, Bob Green bringing you the big

beat, the show that lets you decide by your cards and letters what you want to

hear. Now we're going to have the number five record this week, up from 16 last

week. You chose to be a big beat hit song. The Dells and Fanny, baby.

Woo! Fanny, baby.

I'll tell you the story.

Bob Green is the heaviest DJ in this town.

I've only been here a short time.

Doesn't matter.

All the better.

Try to understand. When Green pushes a record, it's a hit.

Sure, I wanted a rival. You probably figured that out for yourself,

sweetheart. But let me ask you this.

If you were a DJ and I made you an offer that you were opposed to on moral

grounds, what would you say?

Tell me.

What would you say?

that sort of thing.

Exactly, exactly right. You'd react like any other normal human being, but you

wouldn't rant and rave about your integrity and how insulted you were and

threaten to knock somebody's teeth in, would you?

Unless you were on the take already.

And then... And would you B.O.B. Mr.

Bob Green, you'd holler blue murder immediately.

Am I right? Of course I'm right.

That son of a bitch is on the take. I'm gonna stake my life on it.

Mr. Blake's office.

No, I'm sorry. They're all gone for the day.

Call again Monday. Thank you.

So either he figures me for a plant and is afraid I'll blow the whistle on him,

or the offer I made him isn't strong enough to compete with the deal he

already has.

And that's where you come in.

Me?

Yes, you.

This is a rough world, honey.

And rough people run it.

And there are only two things that are important in this life.

Money. And love. Long.

Money and more money.

Oh.

No.

Maybe.

No, I don't think you could handle it.

Handle what?

What do you mean, Mr. Blake?

No.

I don't think you've been around enough.

Me? What do you mean?

What are you talking about? Me? I've been around.

Well... Maybe once.

as a hotel waitress in the Catskills. Ask the busboy.

Ask the bellhop.

Ask the maitre d'. And a policeman.

And a bus driver.

And a famous opera singer from Italy.

And I don't even remember the names of the other guys.

Oh, okay, that's enough, honey.

Oh, and an admiral. A real admiral.

An admiral in the Catskills?

Don't you believe me, Frank?

Honey, that's so unbelievable, I believe it.

Lynn Keefe. K-E-E-F-E.

Is that right?

Yes, sir. That's correct, sir.

Miss Lynn Keefe, you're now a partner in a record company.

Ward Collins, Frank Blake, and the original is available to Mr. Robert

Green at any time. That is, if our youngest partner here...

is able to get the good guy, Mr. Bob Green, in the backseat of his gold caddy

and make a sucker out of that pompous dummy.

Now, Frank, you know I'm not doing it for the contract or the money.

I'm only doing it for you.

I know that, honey. Thanks a lot and all that jazz.

All I can say is it's the first time I've seen a company building a pubic

foundation.

I wish you good luck.

That's what you think, brother. Come on, honey. You've got to get to the Bob

Green show. Rehearsal's starting in 15 minutes. Am I okay? Are Missy Fields all

right? You look gorgeous.

You better live out here with us.

Bye, Ward.

Bye, Frank. Goodbye, love.

You're an idiot.

But, Frank, it's my money you're fooling around with.

Wasn't that out of sight?

Yeah! We're really getting it on here at WBOB with your WBOB good guy, Bob Green,

bringing it a big sound with a big beat. And I know all you kids at home are

digging it along with all the big beaters here in the studio. And I know

we're all digging it here in the studio, aren't we, big beaters? Yeah!

Now, brothers and sisters, for the first time I'm going to play a new cut by the

Mindbenders, and I know you're going to dig it. I know you're really going to

dig this. Let me destroy your mind with the Mindbenders!

I would have preferred to be any other place but here.

Suddenly, I was afraid he'd either beat me up or turn me over to the cops or

just simply recognize me as the elevator girl.

Hiya, lover.

You want a ride?

Hi. Where do you want to go?

Don't I know you from Subway Sugar?

Probably. You watch WBOB?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Not with me.

What are you talking about? I don't understand.

Playboy? Oh, yeah?

You must be nuts.

What are you doing?

What are you doing hiding there?

I'm trying to get mad at me, sir.

I was at the studio today, and I'm a fan of yours.

Geez, I could have a heart attack. I mean, hiding in my car like that.

But I'm a fan, sir.

I hope you don't mind.

Geez, I could have a heart attack.

Was that late? Was that lady a friend of yours?

Would you say?

Was that lady a friend of yours?

Yeah, she's an old friend.

Are you really a fan of mine?

Yes, sir.

Really, sir. Honestly, sir.

Quite a fan.

I mean it.

Well... Why don't you climb on the front seat so I can take a look at you?

What did you say your name was? Lynn Peace.

Well, have some ice cream, Lynn.

Honey, honey, he will.

You can depend on it.

I've got enough information on that crumb that you'll never stand up under

it. In the meantime, honey.

We can be happy without a million dollars, Fran.

I told you once, remember?

What are the two most important things in life?

Your hand doesn't seem to agree with you. Oh, yeah?

Offer the thousand dollars and see how fast it comes out of there.

You have a date with him tomorrow?

You'll make it tomorrow.

Go to a drive-in movie with him.

Get him in the back.

I'll be right on time, honey. I promise. Right on time.

You want to go to my place or do you want to go home?

Your place. What?

Your place.

For me, money isn't everything. I can't hear you.

You don't have to!

Even rate that DJ if I had to.

Amazingly enough, Bob Green did exactly what Frank had prophesied.

He took me to the drive-in, and before I could even say a prayer, I found myself

lying in the back seat of his gold caddy.

Oh, Mr. Green, I can't... Oh, I can't control myself any longer.

Oh, Mr. Griff, what are you doing? Come on, now. You can't do that. Come on. We

can't stop now. I love you, don't you understand? My sweet, lovely, round

little girl. I love you. You're undressing me. What do you think I'm

doing, honeypot? Come on, now. This is true love, don't you know? This is the

path and the book's no interference.

Well, let me take off my skirt and my little rift. And what about you? It's

not fair if I'm undressing you or not.

Oh, come on, you sweet, lovely little thing. Take everything off.

Oh, what adorable, sweet little panties. I love teeny-weeny little panties like

those. You'll get them to me, won't you?

What about your pants, Mr. Green?

That's not fair. You can't have my panties unless I can have yours.

Why, you little rascal. You sweet, adorable little rascal.

I love you. I love you, baby.

You'll pay for this, boy.

This time you've gone too far. I've got influence in this town. I'll destroy

you, man.

If I were you, I wouldn't have been...

You

better

drive. I don't think our partner's in the right frame of

mind. Partner?

Collins, how can you sit there listening to this?

I mean, you're a responsible man. I love you. You shut your big mouth.

There are no microphones here. There are no teenagers.

You got yourself into this mess all by yourself. That's why you're going to be

a part into our little deal, whether you like it or not. And believe me, one day

you're going to thank us for it.

Oh, that's telling them, Ward, baby.

He wanted to keep my panties a pig.

Shh.

You're talking about our partner, aren't you?

Kiss me.

Within five days, Bob Green had mentioned our record six times on his

television show.

We couldn't print records fast enough, and new books were streaming in day and

night. I began to understand why the prospect of making millions meant plain

happiness to Frank.

Those three or four months in which I was able to work with him were some of

the happiest times in my life, too.

Actually, the situation was much the same as it had been with Nick Pagliaro.

I lived and worked with them and became 18 in those days.

Frank never spoke of eternal love.

I'm 18,

for heaven's sakes. And besides...

So what?

If your parents find out where you are and the fact that you're living with me,

I'll be in a lot of trouble.

What do you mean, besides?

I'm not going to

get

married until I've made my first million. Now, you remember that.

dressed up for? Where have you been?

A company meeting was called at 9 o'clock this morning.

I always thought it was a lady's privilege to come late.

Well, you thought wrong, baby.

Well, Lynn, I'm very surprised at you. You knew this was a very important

meeting, yet you walked in here two hours late.

Since when do you smoke?

That's none of your business.

I've come to the conclusion that there's no sense in sacrificing myself for you.

And at being at the company's second call day and night, I only get treated

like trash anyhow.

Whether I'm on time or not. So I may as well dress as I please and put my money

to some use.

And come and go as I please.

You wouldn't notice anyhow.

All you're interested in is the business and nothing else.

As long as the money keeps rolling in.

Lynn, you're making it very easy for us. I would have thought you had... Listen,

Lynn. We've been discussing the status of each of the partners in relation to

the contribution that each makes to the company earnings.

What does that mean?

Well, it's very simple.

Ward here handles distribution.

Bobby, baby, handles promotion.

I get the groups, conduct the sessions, and coordinate production.

So?

And you, what do you actually do for the 25% of the company you own, baby? When I

look at you, good guy, I realize just how much I have done for the company.

Okay, that's the way it was.

But our partners here, and I must say I agree with them, have decided that you

can be effectively replaced by an $85 a week secretary.

So you want me out of here, too?

Lynn, business is business. There's nothing personal involved here, dear.

Shove it.

Shove it? What do you mean, shove it, you little elite? You had a chance for

$6,000, a chance to travel. What were you when I met you? Nothing.

You're an elevator girl. Now you've got some clothes. You look like something. A

little dope from Scranton. And now you've got a chance to have something in

your life. Don't give us that shoving junk.

I don't understand you at all. Here's a chance to travel, to be somebody

finally, like I told you. I don't want you to talk to her. I get it. Listen,

Lynn, Lynn, dear, Lynn.

To make a long story short, I was as good as dead before I'd even entered the

room. As it concerned their pockets, the gentlemen made it quite clear to me that

if I didn't cooperate, they could liquidate the company within an hour and

form a new one right away.

Without me.

Give. You can always stay on as a secretary, honey. The less I see of you

bastards, the better I'll like it.

Well, then, then, try.

days later i was way down south and still desperate and full of black ideas

only one thing was clear my dreams of a superman were a thing of the past

I was 18 years old, had my own car, and still a couple of thousand dollars in

the bank. And I was determined to keep this standard up, come what may.

I got the chick prune number.

I better make sure.

Huh? For God's sake, don't scream in your face. I don't like screaming,

woman. I only want to have a quiet talk with you.

My name is Juan Jose Ignacio Rodriguez de Calderon.

Want to see my credit card?

Anyway, come in, son. But I don't understand.

What's this all about?

Nothing, nothing. You're just a delicious girl, and I want to make a

deal with you.

But maybe a little bit, uh, I mean, uh, a moral for a girl like you, but, uh...

A thousand a day will give you more, two or three thousand.

What kind of a deal is this?

Oh, cries a chick like you.

I don't even dare sing about it.

You take a sweet here in this hotel, and leave the rest to me.

Three thousand a day?

That's what I said.

Listen, the contest form is universe starts tomorrow.

You know what that means?

This guy's idea was simple and brilliant at the same time.

Sam wanted to find out which sturdy old man in the audience would be ready to

blow a minimum of $1,000 a shot with Miss Luxembourg.

He figured there'd be plenty of money boys there who'd pay a fortune to be

able to say they'd spent the night with a beauty queen.

Like this he'd say, Miss Luxembourg will be waiting for you at 4 o'clock in

Penthouse A1.

didn't you ever hear the story of lady godiva uh-huh took a ride through town

on a horse naked lovely blonde hair

showing and lovely then so where's the horse

thing about it was the speed by which it all happened.

Not one of those thousand-dollar gentlemen stayed long.

In spite of the acrobatics, they were all lousy lovers.

The Argentine multi-millionaire, for instance. He almost died in my arms.

Much better, much better.

Oh, you were so lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely.

You enjoyed it? Oh, it was fantastic. You were so, so

short, so quick.

I could make love to you for days and nights and weeks and months and years.

You were so lovely.

Everything is so fun.

Fantastic. You want to do it again?

No.

But I would love to have a photograph of you

to bring back. A photograph, please.

No photograph.

I can't be recognized.

I must have this for the memories.

Memories are made of this.

For this, he paid another 500, the old idiot.

I have a very important bet on.

$3,000.

Do you mind if we just take a peek? A little peek.

Oh, no. Go right ahead.

I like baseball.

What about your shoes?

What?

What about your shoes?

What shoes?

Your shoes.

What's wrong with my shoes?

They're on your feet on my bed.

Oh.

Steal the base.

Get going.

Get going.

Want some popcorn?

Wonderful. Thank you.

The Redlegs go out in front 1-0 here in Los Angeles.

It's number 23 for the Rose this season, and his 47th run batted in.

Well, there goes Paranoski's no-hitter. There goes another $3,000 down the

drain.

Okay,

Pat. Your time is up.

What are you doing in here, and how'd you get in here?

Doesn't matter. Your time is up.

And I have another customer waiting.

Oh, little lady.

I want you to meet a son of the great state of Texas.

This is my boy, Billy Joe Hankin III.

Billy Joe, I'd like to introduce Miss Luxemburger.

I was a representative of that great country in... You know where it is,

don't you, Billy Joe?

Billy Joe!

How many times I told you to take your hat off in the presence of a lady? Now

take your hat off and say hello.

Hello. Speak up, boy, so people can hear you.

You know why I brought him here.

By the way, what language do you speak, Miss Luxemburger?

Old English.

Old English.

Well, I guess you'll get along fine.

Nice to meet you, Billy Joe.

Howdy, ma'am.

You see, Billy Joe, he ain't never done it before, not with a lady, that is.

Well, I guess you heard that in Texas we like to do things big.

So I didn't get him another Mercedes or a Learjet.

We thought we'd fix him up real nice for his birthday.

Now, he ain't gonna be 21 till fall.

So we come over here to this Miss Universe contest, and I said, when Billy

Joe... You pick out the one you like best, and I'll buy it for you, and he

picked you, honey.

Thank you very much, Billy Joe. I'm really flattered.

I made a deal with a minister of that country of yours, but I'll tell you

something. I'd like to sweeten the pot a little, just for personal reasons.

Because I want Billy Joe to have a real good time.

Now, let's see.

There you are, honey.

That's very sweet of you, Mr. Hankins.

B.J., honey. B.J. to you.

Thanks, C.J. I just hope I'm worthy of the trust you've placed in me.

We're going back to my room, son.

Oh, uh, let me tell you something.

Your great-grandpappy, he fought the Comanches.

He fought the Squatters. He fought the Settlers. He fought the Sheepherders.

He fought the Dusthorns. He fought Pestilence and Famine.

Now, you just remember, boy, you're a Hankin, and you've got a heritage.

Now, you get in there.

Well, just don't you be scared. But if you need me... I'm in my room, boy. I'm

in my room.

Bye, Mr. Hankins, and thanks again.

B.J. to you, honey. Just B.J.

I ain't quite sure what I'm supposed to do here.

Oh, it's okay.

I'll show you.

You ain't really gonna leave all that money here, are you?

Why not? We're the only ones here.

Now, wait a minute.

Come on, it's easy.

I'm going to make you an honorary member of the Glamis County Sheriff's

Department. Oh, that's not really necessary.

Oh, you deserve it.

You know, I never did think much about this foreign aid, but you Luxembourgers

need all the help you can get. Now, if you ever get in trouble... Thanks, B.J.

Thank you very much. You deserve it. Well, I wish I was 10 years younger. Go

show her your rank and give her a kiss goodbye, will you?

Yes, ma'am.

Real sweet kid.

You know, Pa, I hope she wins.

Let's see what we can do about that. Put your boots on, boy.

We don't like him to throw that trash can. I'm going to hang it right next to

that trophy I won.

The scandal was unbelievable.

We took the next plane to Europe.

The whole thing was Sam's fault, of course.

In the face of all that loot, he'd been tempted to set up a second phony miss on

the same floor of the hotel.

And to top it off, it was another Miss Luxembourg.

And worse, while I was lying in that plane, this pal of mine from Cuba

already had some new ideas.

made plans already. As soon as we arrived in Rome, he pushed me out on the

gangway next to Mr. Hefner.

By the time, my name was in the headlines already.

Hefner landed in Rome.

Hefner arrives in Rome from Hollywood.

Are they going to be married? How do you like that?

But I'm not a starlet. I've never been in a movie.

Who cares?

Just move down a little bit and all the film producers will want to have you.

You really think so?

Sure.

I think I know all the film producers in Rome.

Jeden Vormittag sagte er, kämen sie auf die Via Veneto und hielten Ausschau nach

Mädchen, die in den Glatzspalten von sich reden machten.

Pope Benedict XIV rescued the building from complete ruin.

Look it.

And he proclaimed it holy because of the martyr's blood which had been shed

there.

There was... Oh!

Oh, that's my old friend Olivetti! Hi, Oli!

Hi, Oli! Oh, no matter, Signore. We must tweet Signor Olivetti, the typewriter

guy.

My friend, the famous producer, Olivetti.

Comandatore.

Comandatore. Mr. Mitchell called me. Niente, call me.

Comandatore, signorina. He wants you to play in his next picture.

I thought you said he was a typewriter man.

Oh, I had a dream about our movie, Carlo.

What?

Right, Chloe?

No. The one you're going to star me in.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Of course.

I must introduce you to the director.

Oh, yeah.

Director. Is he famous, too?

Direttore Emilio Campanella.

That's me, too, signore.

Direttore. Direttore, forgive me.

He says, much too deep.

I think I'll be that way long with all this spaghetti.

He says,

do

you undress?

Here?

No, in front of the camera.

Can you swim?

Capitano, I think I better get off.

500,000 what?

Lira. Good Italian money. More or less a thousand dollars.

Please let me have a word with you.

What are we supposed to live on? You haven't got any idea how expensive Rome

is.

What did you just say?

What we're supposed to live on? Just a second, please, sir. I... I will explain

it to you.

You were in charge of all the money we made. At least $20,000.

How can that all be gone?

I... I almost wasn't...

What do you mean you almost told me?

Listen, honey, you know, the day before we left Miami, this friend of mine from

Cuba told me about a horse, lightning bolt, racing at Hialeah.

It was a sure winner.

How could I know this horse was in you at all?

I just had no idea.

I forgot that he's an honest-to-God film producer.

Please, I forgot to come in. Do come in.

Come on. I've had my belly full of you film producers.

Or has he already paid his money, too?

And I suppose he has a Rolls Royce in front of his house and an indoor

swimming pool for screen tests.

Lynn, this is a real film producer.

I apologize, signorina, but the only car I own at the moment is the Fiat 850.

Business. It's been so bad.

What did you say?

Say that again.

Look, a smile doesn't exist.

I don't know what to do. What does he say?

Wipe it off.

Wipe it off? But there's only this on his head. I have to wipe people off.

What does he have to say?

It's up to you to say it.

I can't. It's up to you.

Miss, women have come to the conclusion that you still don't look attractive

enough.

Why don't you just take off this silly clothing?

Me?

I'm dressed.

Never. Macara, why are you so stucky? Not until we close all the doors.

Forget it. I leave that kind of thing for the girls who can't wait to strip.

Either I play this part with my clothes on or nothing happens.

Bravo, bravo. I love that you do this. I said to myself, the moment I saw you, I

said, this is a lady of, how do you say, breeding.

Who do you think you are? Let these idiots make their film. You and I, we

will go have something to eat. What do you want? My name is Gino. And I'm

Linda. Let me out of here. I know, and I would like you to tell me what a

charming girl like you is doing in a place like this.

There's no way to make it here. This conduct just won't do. I find it

impossible. Funny, the first time I find a girl in this place who could say no,

eh?

Ciao.

Ciao, gentlemen.

I give up.

I'll fix him for me.

Oh, and baby, now that you've found him, you know that you can't let him go.

Forget all your troubles and worries.

Get ready for a big show.

Well, honey, how did a bad girl like you get a nice guy like

Dino?

Oh, how did a bad girl like you get a hold of this boy?

Dino, my one true love.

He came upon me like some force of nature, something one can't resist.

Perhaps I was caught off guard, having made up my mind never to fall in love

again. And maybe I loved him so much because he was looking for the pure and

innocent in me.

Oh, Gino.

Keep on getting in at four o'clock in the morning.

That's none of your business.

So you intend to marry this Gino?

Oh, you already know about that, huh?

What do you want from me?

I think $50,000 would be fine.

$50,000 what?

daughter is not here.

And you have to get them from Gino, otherwise he will get something from me.

Are you drunk?

What are you talking about?

Gino's just a poor, struggling young man.

That's what you were saying. In fact, he's the only father for a

multimillionaire in Milan.

You're kidding!

I never kid about money.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.

Confirmo que Deus cooperatis et in nobis a templo santo tu godeste Jerusalem.

I releito. I releito, Pater Nostra.

I hope you'll forgive me, but I'm sure you'll understand if we leave now

without any further formalities, okay? In the meantime, eat, drink, dance, and

have a good time for as long as pleases you.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's it all about?

My flowers.

Hey, what about the $50,000?

Sam, you seem to be the only one who hasn't heard.

Gino's been disinherited by his father for marrying me. What?

Ciao, my dying brother. If he hasn't got a dime, who's going to pay that bill?

Oh, we just put it on your bill. That's okay with you, isn't it?

Gino wouldn't spend our honeymoon anywhere if he couldn't have it in Monte

Carlo. It took me just 24 minutes to find out why.

This was the amount of time he gave me to get dressed.

He hadn't told me that he had persuaded one of his numerous aunts to lend him

$20,000, which he was sure he could easily double in a surefire investment.

The name of it was roulette.

Finito.

That's all the money there was. No more.

You mean there's nothing left at all? Nothing.

Don't look so sad.

After all, I love you.

Come on, let's go.

We'll take the next plane out of here.

No, no, no. I got a better idea.

Did you know that Gino is a real Italian count?

Do you know what that makes me?

A countess!

And he assured me that people of our standing are not allowed to travel in

second-class cars.

Therefore, we spent another two hours in Monte Carlo waiting for a suitable form

of transportation back to Italy.

When this Rolls-Royce showed up, the driver must have recognized immediately

that I was a countess.

He stopped the Rolls-Royce and was very cooperative in helping us.

gone for frequent vacations no doubt it's helped the credit of the count and

his countess a lot who arrived there in a formidable role

Your father sent this telegram in which he states he is not responsible for your

behavior, your honor, marriage, mother, everything.

In fact, you are disinherited.

So what?

And worse, my advice to you is call the police.

This is another typical joke of my father, that's all.

I will give you until tomorrow morning to pay the bill.

Or I will do as your father told me.

Gino, don't try it again.

Kiss me. Just kiss me. We'll find a way.

Just stay in bed. This is the business of a man.

I'll be back before the clock crows with money. Good night.

Gino, why don't you ever let me try?

Just stay in bed where a wife of mine belongs.

The way it's been the last couple of days.

Gino goes out every day.

punctually returns when the cop crowed.

Without money.

And I stay in bed.

You see?

She knows such a devout Catholic.

For him, marriage is the most sacred thing.

My dear Lord, that certainly is a hell of a story.

It certainly needs a happy ending.

That is, if I happen to have my checkbook and your husband doesn't come

home before the cock crows. It's in the back pocket of your pants.

That's amazing.

Oh, darling, please, please.

You must forgive me. I'll be damned.

I could swear just for my wife's voice.

But remember it is.

That's Gina's voice.

That you think I would take money from a lady is the most incredible insult I've

ever offered to my name or my family.

But darling, I couldn't stand to see you going more and more upset every day.

You must have the check.

After all, it's only a couple of days.

I've never been in a situation like this. Never, never in my...

Gino. Please, young man, don't become loud.

Who are you? What are you doing in bed with my wife? I'm probably going to kill

you. That's perfectly all right.

Hold me back. Somebody hold her. I'm going to kill you.

What are you doing here? Who are you? Answer me, satisfaction.

I feel the horns.

I am betrayed.

Gino, forgive me.

All right, all right. What, for instance, is this?

I knew my wife was cheap.

150,000 liras.

Well,

after all, still looks like a happy ending.

How did a nice guy like you get into this business?

Lynn, baby, what are you doing?

Where's the guy you thought you would find?

A little bird in a great blue something Fooling around to get him out of your

mind Hell, honey How did a nice girl like you get

into this business?

How did a nice girl like you get caught in this game?

Sweet little broad-necked scranton and a pretty doll in her hand.

A growing heartbeat deep in her tummy.

Gonna hook a daddy-type man.

Hell, honey.

How did a nice girl like you get into this trouble?

How did a nice girl like you get to be misled?

You're making it big now, but your smile is beginning to fade.

It's a tough world and tough people running to play it cool. You've already

been laid shut.