Original subtitles

Thank you.

I said, Dr. Sherman, no one in this town is going to sell you a better policy.

And what did he say?

He said, I don't know about that.

And then what did you say?

I said, Dr. Sherman, do you have any idea how many life insurance policies

I've sold in the last five years? Oh, that's a hell of a thing to say.

And then what did he say? He said, Mike, I wouldn't have invited you and your

wife over for dinner tonight if you didn't come highly recommended.

He had to have been impressed.

It's like there's an accident over... Maybe they're fixing the road.

Jesus, we're going to be late. This is unbelievable.

We've got ten minutes.

Five minutes.

A potential customer, I'm always five minutes early.

Damn it.

Why on earth did you want me to take this road? Well, I thought that this

road... You thought that this road... This road, there's always traffic on

this road.

Well, I'm not...

car now it's my fault i got enough on my mind i don't like it when you yell i'm

not yelling this isn't yelling you know i don't like it i'm just this is being

upset oh stop it honey i

didn't mean to oh oh you're so beautiful i love you i wouldn't

I'm not quite sure if I dreamt this, was told this, or it actually happened.

But nine months later... My

birth centered around similar congestion.

Mom was known to have the longest labor in the history of the hospital.

I just didn't feel it was the right time to come out.

I sensed uneasiness.

Turmoil.

For some reason, I waited till the quiet time.

The world is calm.

No one is hysterical.

Very little traffic.

Always the best time to travel.

On my fourth birthday, my father gave me a toy car.

It was a great day.

I took it everywhere.

Almost everywhere.

I imagined the trips my father would take us on.

The Grand Canyon.

Yosemite.

The Himalayas.

I thought my father gave me the car because he wanted to show me the world.

See that?

Look at that.

That's why we're not going away.

Mike, it's just a day trip.

It's simply too much traffic.

You always say that.

Oh, so, when I walked into the Elk... All their heads went up. The meeting

stopped. Dr.

Sherman saw all this? Exactly. You're very popular.

Charlie E., stop playing with your thing.

What's the difference?

Well, they say that... Stop playing with his thing. It's only natural. Well, they

say that when kids... Who's day?

You always say day. Who's day? Please, Mike, not in front of... No, I'm

serious. Who's day? For once, I want to know who the hell is day. I don't like

it when you yell. Oh, who's yelling? I'm not yelling. I'm not shaking my butt.

Oh, yeah, you know, you're all in a perfectly mediocre meal. All I want to

know is who day is.

I mean, selling is a big deal.

I'm sitting there eating, and you want to talk about this thing?

What a bottleneck. Southbound 101 at Candlestick. And hey, you down there at

the rag top. I see you popping from lane to lane like a ping pong ball in a bingo

game. Just take it easy. Relax.

Pick a lane. Any lane.

Breathe. And freedom is yours on the other side. You will get there. It's

closer than you think. For Metro Traffic, this is Alan Davenport.

The traffic reporter Alan Davenport once said, he who knows the road knows the

way. Well, I knew that if Herbert Schreiner left Schreiner Plumbing at 419

instead of 422, the road would open up to him. To me, there was nothing more

beautiful than traffic.

Well, until...

Hi, Amy.

Wow. Looks like two people found each other on the 280 southbound at the 101.

We got us a two-car tango in the right lane.

Accidents are God's little miracles because it looks like they're... Alan

Davenport had a direct road to my soul.

He taught me the facts of life.

If only I had listened to him instead of my friend Jack.

There's two ways to make a baby.

I know that.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Amy.

The first way it can happen, it doesn't happen all the time, but it can happen.

When the guy kisses the girl on the mouth.

It can also release the seed into the system, which, if you're not careful,

can also make a baby.

Jack, I know that way, too. So you have to be careful not to spit into a girl's

mouth. That goes without saying.

Five seconds and counting.

Greyhound bus to Los Angeles.

Coke truck.

Northbound side.

Amazing.

What are you doing Charlie?

Everybody was moving.

Amy to Santa Barbara.

And for your San Francisco eye in the sky, this has been Alan Davenport. Alan

Davenport from San Francisco to Seattle. In Seattle, guiding you through the

morning mist, this is Alan Davenport. And then he moved to San Diego. Getting

you to work this morning in America's finest city, this is Alan Davenport,

Metro Traffic, San Diego.

Then back to San Francisco.

Getting you home tonight in the Bay Area, Alan Davenport.

And then...

To the traffic big time. Hello, L.A. I can't see you, but I can feel you.

Even if you can't take a deep breath, take a little one, because I'm going to

get you home.

Avoid southbound 101.

Westbound 10 is crystal clear to the beach.

Well, you told me to tell you when you have your mouth open when you're eating.

I told her we're out to dinner.

A business dinner.

We never go to dinner.

Charlie, I'm not going to tell you anymore. Your dinner's on the table.

Well, I'm home.

I'll eat anyhow.

In any way I want to eat.

I'm not that hungry.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Tarnell, I was, uh... Would you like to join us for

dinner?

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, but I'm really just, I'm not that hungry.

Oh, there's plenty of food.

Come on.

Come on.

So, I understand you helped fix the traffic

problem over at State and Lincoln Avenue.

That's right, sir, I did. The timing on one of the streetlights was way off.

One night just needed a little longer green.

Actually, you joined us just in time, Charlie. I thought that it would be a

good idea if you could give our cousin an updated tour of the town.

You remember Amy Morgan, don't you?

Honey, could you move those potatoes?

No, could you move the peppers, please?

My cousins lived here, oh, about six, seven years ago, ever so briefly.

Amy, I think that you and your family only put up with this town a couple of

months.

They're always a little too sophisticated for this area.

Oh, honey, that's not a criticism.

Here you go, sweetie.

Anyway, Amy now lives in Santa Barbara. And, well, I got to thinking that, well,

you know, you're both the same age. You're both off to college in a couple

of weeks.

Different schools, of course.

Amy's going far away to the University of Wisconsin.

And, Charlie, you're going to be staying close by at State, right?

Charlie?

Yes?

You're going to State.

I'm going to State what?

You're going to State College.

Yes, I am.

And where are you going to school, Mrs. Tarnow?

I'm not going to college, Charlie.

Most women orgasm right on impact.

I mean, immediately upon entry.

That's why you will always hear this ever so slight gasp. I know that. The

secret is this.

The faster you move your pistons,

Your butt, Charlie.

The more she's going to want to go another round.

Usually it's 15, but never more than 20 minutes later.

It's very natural.

After you get this down, you can just throw out the handbook.

Amy was different.

I got the feeling with her there were no rules.

My dad asked me if she was a blonde or a brunette.

I said both.

So is there anything special that you'd like to do? Not really.

I have a car. We could drive if you'd like.

I used to be able to talk, but

for some reason I'm finding it very difficult right now. I'm not doing so

well myself.

No, you're doing fine. I do talk.

Oh, I know you do.

I mean, I remember you did.

Yeah,

I do.

It's been a long time since we've seen each other. That must be it, I'm sure.

Hey, if we go to the movies, we don't have to talk.

I'd like to be a professional dancer.

Dance for an avant-garde company in Europe.

I would think so.

I mean, if you're going to do that kind of thing, I would definitely think that

Europe would be the best place.

Oh, I'll travel all over the world.

Moscow, Paris, China.

That must be part of it. What?

Traveling.

Then I'll get back to the States.

How old will you be?

When? When you get back to the States.

Oh, I guess I'll be about 30.

It's a good age.

Then I'll start my own company, and then I'll become strictly a choreographer.

When? What age?

About 35, 36.

Good time to do that.

I'm only going to have a couple of kids.

When would you do it?

940.

It's possible.

I mean, of course, this is all hypothetical.

Well, it has to be.

Are you still into traffic, Charlie?

Oh, me? No.

That was a long time ago.

Oh.

I loved what you were doing.

Oh,

I... I had a great time. So did I.

Good night.

Good night.

What did you say?

I said good night.

Oh, I wasn't sure.

No, no.

I'm pretty sure that's what I said.

Yeah? Yeah. Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

I'm an asshole.

We could use a heart surgeon to unclog the arteries leading into the East L.A.

interchange. The Harbor Freeway into downtown L.A. is packed in so tight, you

may want to exit anywhere around Figueroa for an end around the Coliseum.

Okay, gridlock guys and girls, we're all part of the big metro traffic family.

Go the extra mile.

Be kind to each other. And Lady Davenport, leave the light on because

your nights are coming home.

All right, next seven seconds, there'll be a late model white Corvette. Hop

down, north side.

Look.

Amazing. Must be late.

That's Dr. Gordon.

He's the town's gynecologist.

Gynecologist? Right.

My dad's a gynecologist.

Ooh, ooh, Allen Davenport.

You get Los Angeles?

On a good day.

Huh. Here we go.

Davenport's the best traffic reporter in the country, hands down. That's why he's

in L.A.

The mecca of traffic.

You got it.

You know, even though I'm not there, I know that that guy makes a traffic move.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles?

Yeah, a couple of times.

Well, once, actually.

I ran away there, but my parents didn't notice that I was gone, so I went home.

You look into my breasts.

What?

Are you looking at my breasts?

No, not at all.

You sure?

Because I keep noticing that you're looking at them.

It doesn't bother me.

I'm looking at the interstate.

Then I'm looking at you.

Different parts of you at times.

Sometimes I'll...

The greater you, which, I mean, you know, would include, you know, would

maybe... My breasts!

Be right down. Almost done.

You can get there in a heartbeat.

Look who we invited to dinner.

Amy.

Oh, I was just outside.

We never had a chance to sit down and say hello.

We thought dinner would be an excellent idea.

Well, uh... We're really not that hungry, are we?

My dad doesn't practice anymore.

Tomatoes? No.

Thank you.

I just never cared for tomatoes.

I hate them.

Anyway, my dad's afraid of being sued.

Malpractice paranoia.

But he just published a book that clitoral orgasm is a reality.

Never read it. I like non-fiction.

It is non-fiction.

Oh.

Well, sounds like a novel to me.

Do you miss your parents?

No.

Not really.

I mean, I'm not sure if it's my family, just families in general, you know.

I'm not sure if the family structure really works.

Amy's going back to Santa Barbara tomorrow, then off to the University of

Wisconsin.

Yeah. I'll probably study dance.

Modern dance.

Is that a course in college?

She's a great dancer.

Career choices are very important at your age.

That's why we see Charlie heading up the middle management business ladder.

Wait, what about traffic?

His father and I used to have a good time in summer.

How many times have I told you not to touch the top of my head? Well, Mike, I

was just... Do me a favor. Let me fix my own hair.

It was messed up, Mike. I was fixing it, that's all.

Oh.

Then before... Well, I... We've been going through something, huh? Yeah.

Hey, hey.

You want to maybe take a drive or something? I have to pack.

But maybe... No.

I got tons of stuff to do, too, so...

See you tomorrow?

Yeah.

Sure.

Good night.

Good night.

About the only relief with all the freeways so thick with traffic, just

think, the next time you turn off the car and step out, you'll be through it

and in your baby's arms again.

Charlie? Am I dreaming?

You're not dreaming.

What time is it?

It's about six o'clock in the morning.

How did you get in?

I just walked in the front door. It was wide open.

I could have robbed you into our house.

Hey, Charlie, you want to come with me? I want to show you something.

This is pre-traffic.

People don't appreciate this time.

It's funny. I was born around this time of day.

No kidding.

Yeah. It's my favorite time.

It's the best time to travel.

For Symmetra.

In five seconds, Amy will be in my life forever.

What are you doing, Charlie?

I never thought I'd grow up so far.

I want to be.

Why are you crying?

What?

I got that for you.

Wait a second.

I got something for you.

Huh? No. One second.

No, no.

Don't go. Hold on.

Did I say something?

No, no.

I'm fine.

Goodbye.

Lady, we haven't got all night.

If you've just seen a head-on collision and you can't get that image out of your

head, it was so bad it made you miss your exit.

No matter what you do, you can't get off the freeway.

Well, folks, take a deep breath.

Turn on the radio and have faith.

The road will eventually get you there.

As you get up, the early birds definitely get in the worm, particularly

on northbound State Street bordering the stadium.

You'll find an easy walk with no delays from the Taylor Hall to the Morris

Library.

Take your time.

You got a lot of life ahead of you. I wrote to Alan Davenport asking for an

interview. He never replied, but who can blame the guy?

I mean, with his busy schedule and, let's face it, who doesn't want to work

for Metro Traffic?

Charlie, it's Amy.

Charlie?

Hey.

I just didn't know if I was going to hear from you again.

Yeah, yeah, I just, uh... I've been so busy, you know.

Yeah, um... I'm just curious about Thanksgiving.

Are we still on?

Well, of course.

In my folks' place.

Do you want me to come?

Do you want to be there?

So you see, if you don't remove the dressing from the turkey in a timely

fashion, you provide a nurturing environment for botulism.

Did I just tweak your appetite, Charlie?

Botulism.

So, Charlie, have you read my book?

What book?

The Clitoral Orgasm. Is it reality?

No, I haven't. I'm sorry.

Amy told me about it. I've been attending to it. It's on the top of my

list. We collaborated on that book. Well, you would have to.

And I would think would want to with that kind of... Material. It's a page

turner. Amy, this is adorable.

Charlie, you are an extremely handsome young man.

I find you extremely attractive. Don't you?

You are a very appealing couple.

Dad doesn't eat red meat.

Nigel can't eat wheat products.

I'm hyperactive.

You remember Susan?

Susan's the one who has no confidence and no husband.

Spur bag, right?

Willie.

Willie was a crossfresser.

What do you mean, was?

What do you do?

You know I don't like tomatoes. I thought you loved tomatoes.

I'll eat them.

The reason that Mother and I brought you all together... Isn't it wonderful to

see them all together in one room?

...is that we have an announcement.

I'll be brief and to the point.

We certainly don't wish to hurt anyone.

We love you. We love each and every one of you. That includes you, Charlie.

But after thinking this over for many years, your mother and I have decided

to...

Start with an immediate trial separation.

Immediate. How soon is immediate?

You sure your parents don't mind? They don't care, Charlie.

I don't get it. I mean, this is their room, right?

This is my father's room.

My father's sleeping in my brother's room.

My mother's room is down the hall, but she's sleeping in my sister's room

tonight.

Your parents never slept together?

Oh, this is complicated.

They were never sexually attracted to each other.

I'm sad they couldn't work it out.

What do you mean?

I thought they were a nice couple.

How? What is nice?

What's nice is a compliment.

They've never been a nice couple.

They're not a nice couple. Cut. Did you just eat with us?

Fine. You're right, okay? They're not a nice couple. All I'm saying is your life

might have been better if they'd have worked it out. Oh, please.

Some people just aren't meant for each other, Charlie. They've been together

far too long.

But they're your parents. Do we have to have this conversation? Oh, my God, are

they my parents? I didn't know that.

Really? Thank you for pointing that out.

God, it's so insightful.

Are you making fun of me?

Because I didn't come here to be made fun of.

What did you come for?

Don't give me your shit.

Don't yell at me. This isn't yelling, okay? This is getting upset. There's a

difference, all right?

Don't need this, Amy.

I don't need any of this.

Where are you going?

Where am I going? Where are you going?

I had no idea.

I lost it.

I'd never seen it done any other way.

I should have apologized, but I made a lane change without looking over my

shoulder and pulled away.

After graduating, I returned home to the cheers of my mom and dad.

I got a new job over in Sacramento.

Insurance. Middle management.

All on my own.

It's Metro Traffic. They want me for an interview in L.A.

It doesn't say job.

Isn't this unbelievable?

It says interview.

Honey, you already have a job. A great job. Great insurance company.

They're too late.

Don't you guys get it?

Alan Davenport wants me to interview for Metro Traffic. It doesn't say Davenport.

It's a form letter.

Honey, I'm afraid your father's right with this economy. Don't be stupid.

Besides, who wants to go to L.A. with all that traffic?

What are you doing? Charlie?

Where are you going?

Charles?

Charles, use your head. Don't be crazy.

What do you want?

High in the sky?

Always.

Always. Well.

The man.

I gotta tell you,

I thought I knew traffic until I came to L.A.

Everything up until then was child's play.

This was the major leagues.

I was about to step up to the plate.

Is it charming?

Of course it's furnished.

It certainly has character.

Well, it's cozy.

You know, maybe I should just look around a little bit more. Hey, hey,

don't kid yourself.

How long have you been looking?

Two weeks. Oh, oh, oh, take this place right now.

Yeah? You'll never find anything close to this.

Hey, feel free. Walk around.

Bathroom? You can share my bathroom with me.

Is there a Mexican restaurant next door?

Oh, no, that's my apartment.

It's Cubana Music.

I can't get enough of it.

I mean, as I said, I mean, if I did take this place, it would only be temporary.

I'll be working for Alan Davenport in a couple weeks, so... Who?

Alan Davenport, Metro Traffic.

You're getting people like yourself home safe every night.

Well, then I expect that you won't live here very long.

You know, someday I would like to be in a position to say that Charlie, um...

What was your last name?

Dunlap. Charlie Dunlap wants to live here.

You know, so that I can raise the rent.

Is that a window? Why would you need a window? I would think that privacy is

really important to you. That's not necessary.

I didn't realize. Yeah, look, I'll throw in a closet at no extra cost.

Wow.

Hollywood friendly.

I'll take it.

Good morning, Cafe L.A.

Today's grind is mud.

Brought to you by...

On the west side, Sunset Boulevard is closed in both directions between Bundy

and Salt Air due to a major injury accident.

But for those of you on the 405 southbound, the drive will turn espresso

before you know it.

Excuse me?

Ruby?

Hi, it's Charlie Dunlap. Listen, could you possibly tell me how long you're

going to be? I have a job interview and...

Believe this. What are you doing here?

The bathroom.

The bathroom.

Yeah?

Amy, let's go. Your order's up.

Do you have any idea what

the odds are of this happening?

I was just going to ask you the same thing.

I was just going to ask, what are the odds of my getting a hot cup of coffee?

Yeah, I'm sorry. This is my first lover, okay?

Morning.

I didn't know I was your first.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Sure. Congratulations.

Listen,

we should catch up. I mean... Yeah, sure.

You know, sorry, I'm just at the meeting right now.

Right, you too. You know, I had my first meeting with Metro Traffic. Oh, you do?

That's fantastic. Are you still doing it? Oh, sorry.

I... This isn't good.

Look, maybe we could get a dinner or something, you know? Well, I've got a

couple of jobs, so... Of course.

How about a cup of coffee?

I can't talk now.

The men's room?

You can hear this. This is very interesting.

And it says here you've been watching traffic since... I was born. But I'm

actually four years old.

And you counted cars on the interstate.

I've been a gridlock guy since the late 70s.

Huh. Well... See, sir, few people understand traffic.

See, that's why Alan Davenport is so special. He's trustworthy, friendly,

humorous. He's not afraid of telling the truth.

Well, that's definitely true.

With all that's going on in the course of a day, I think it's important to be a

healer up there.

I'm sorry, did you say a healer?

Yes, sir. Make people feel good about themselves.

You'll be surprised how traffic will ease up.

This is very interesting.

Very interesting.

Mm-hmm. Look at that. Wow.

Well, you know, we don't see a lot of people like you in here, and you're, you

know, you're an interesting guy.

I am?

I mean, I am.

Yes, and Alan and I are going to take a careful look at your file, and we will

be back to you very soon.

Ruby!

We've got to figure out a way to work this bathroom thing out.

Amy,

order up.

You know, Amy... What's that?

I just wanted to let you know that... Okay.

I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you letting me use the

bathroom without buying a cup of coffee. Oh, really? Hey, it's no problem.

I can bend the rules for you, Charlie.

Yeah? Yeah.

Then why can't you bend the rules a little more and have a drink with me?

Mr.

Enterman, it's Charlie Dunlap.

Listen, there's very light traffic over here, and I think this would be an

excellent alternate route. I meant... Dunlap.

Charlie Dunlap. Yeah, you interviewed...

We'll talk later.

Okay, I was just trying to help, sir.

I don't think the audience understood what we were doing.

Are you kidding?

They were with you all the way.

Yeah. It was the odor that got to them.

Yeah, you think?

Hot.

So have you ever tried to perform on a stage?

Well, once, but it didn't feel right, you know?

We're an environmental dance company. Food kitchens, construction sites,

bridges, tunnels.

And we're up for a bunch of grants so that we won't have to slave over so many

jobs.

Oh, God.

A single grant means everything to us.

Hey, pray for us.

I will.

I'll pray for you.

Why'd you pull away from me, Charlie?

I gotta go.

Hi, Mr. Entenmann.

I was just in the neighborhood. I thought I'd say hello.

Well, hello.

If you want to ask me any further questions or anything, feel free.

Well, I don't think so.

Okay. You seem a little anxious to get started. You do.

And we'll be in touch very soon, Mr.

Dunlap. Charlie Dunlap.

Charlie Dunlap.

Sir?

Yes? It looks good, doesn't it?

Well, we'll be in touch.

Great.

Wow.

I mean, I don't even know what to say. You're so talented. You're so inventive.

I gotta tell you, I think this one ranks right up there with the one on the pig

slaughterhouse. I mean, it's a tough call, but...

Amy, I'm your number one fan.

Hey, maybe we could get dinner and see a movie or something. No, I don't think

so. You know, I know I didn't mention this to you, but I'm seeing someone.

It's just a movie.

No, it's more than seeing him, actually. I'm seriously involved.

We're getting married.

Yeah.

I don't think you mentioned that. Oh, he's a great guy. He's going to medical

school. He's going to be a plastic surgeon.

I mean, not the kind of plastic surgeon that has a bad reputation.

The other kind. Right.

So are you? What about you? Are you involved?

Well, yeah, I'm seeing a few women. Not the too serious with the metro traffic

job coming up and everything, but, you know, I'm seeing a few women. Oh,

Philip, excuse me.

Hi.

How'd it go? Good?

Yeah. Oh, hey, say hello to Charlie Dunlop.

You remember I was telling you about Charlie, right?

Your first lover, the traffic guy.

Right. Hey, how you doing, Charlie?

Hello, Philip.

Okay. Yeah, great.

To see you, Charlie. And we'll talk soon.

Metro traffic.

Dear mr. Dunlap we are sorry Ruby

I

think we need to talk. Okay. I'm really not getting a chance to use the bathroom

around you

All right, but when I do have to go to the... I can't hear you. Charlie, could

you just hand me that soap, please? It's on the thing.

Why?

You out of soap or something?

Could you just hand me the soap, please?

Look, Ruby, all I'm saying is that we just need to work out some kind of

arrangement. That's all.

Charlie, hey, Charlie.

Hand me the soap.

I don't know if we should be doing this. Charlie, the water's turning cold. Would

you please hand me the soap?

Good to see you, Charlie.

Oh,

my heart.

There we go.

Gentle, gentle, gentle.

Now, grab the wheel.

Drive me home, baby.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh. Could you just move down just a little bit, my head?

Better. Could we just lift up a little bit? Yeah.

I think there's been a mistake, Mr. Entenmann.

This isn't a good time. What exactly did I do wrong? I don't think you should be

in here like this and telling me that I made a mistake. Is it a crime to want to

work here so much?

You have a lot of enthusiasm. It's very good.

Maybe you have a little too much.

Too much enthusiasm?

What is wrong with that?

It's not going to fly here.

No pun intended.

Mr. Entenmann?

Mr.

Entenmann?

Let's just say I'm a big fan.

Well, good morning to you.

You're a gridlock guy?

Yes, I am.

I followed your career most of my life.

San Francisco in the 70s.

Who can forget how you routinely, unselfishly, uncorked the bottlenecks on

the Golden Gate?

San Diego.

How you detoured traffic like a maestro when Bush came to town.

Seattle, the famous storms of the late 80s when no one thought traffic could

ever budge off the I-90, and you did it.

And then...

You went back to San Francisco just in time for their earthquake when you

brilliantly rerouted the traffic away from the Embarcadero.

And now here, L.A., the big time, 1992, the riots.

You told everyone to stay away from the 101.

Not only did you get people home safely that day, sir, but I gotta tell you, you

saved lives.

1994, the big one in Northridge.

You kept the economy moving, sir, by encouraging drivers to stay calm, by

saying, and I quote...

You don't have to go to work, but maybe work would be good for you. End quote.

It's brilliant.

And just recently, I mean, I think the way you detoured the city last week

during the big rain saved thousands of people from just floating away.

I love it when it rains.

When it storms.

That's my big audience.

So what do you do, mister?

Charlie Dunlap.

Actually, I came here to pursue a career in traffic. I know.

Yes, sir.

I'm instinctive.

That's what you got to be if you cover the road.

That's why people look up to me.

I get them to work on time, then I get them home.

So come on, I want to hear more about me.

It's like the accident on the 405 two days ago.

Jackknife on the southbound line. Exactly.

The other people normally panic, but not you.

You rerouted them.

And you simply told a joke. Oh, the one about the priest and the Jewish rabbi.

Yes, that one.

You see, that's what separates you, sir.

You're entertaining.

I am, aren't I? Of course you are.

Mark, give this kid anything else he wants. I don't want any interruptions at

this table.

Yes, Mr. Deputy.

She's got it for me.

I can see, sir.

Especially now that I've recently entered the single lane after 25 years

of marriage.

My ex-wife, Missy, and I, we had our problems.

We met when I was playing Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls at the Labrador Dinner

Theater. But when I started doing Traffic, which is, of course, more

demanding, more dangerous, my wife couldn't deal with the adoration of my

public.

Does your age group still have sex?

What? Do you still have sex with the young ladies with all that's going on in

the world?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we still have sex.

Good.

I am looking forward to returning once again to the single scene.

Mission Control, kid.

Before Alan Davenport got here, we had college kids in pinos with two walkie

-talkies. Now look at it.

Fire

there

yet? Police?

Police on their way.

Valley's already getting murdered. Ventura is bumping and bumping. You

are mine.

Mine.

I see the road as a very spiritual place. Keep talking, kid.

The road gets gridlocked because people don't trust each other. You're someone

we can trust.

Gentlemen, give the kid a job.

A job?

You heard me.

Slow. Just let your knee go right against my whole body. Okay, ready? And

here we go.

All the way down.

That doesn't hurt. No, it's good, baby. Okay, one more time.

Kiss me, baby.

Hello,

sir. I just want to let you know I had your dog dimpled, fluffed, clipped.

Dipped? Yes, sir. He'll be ready in two hours.

No, you're doing one, two, three. It's one, two, three, and four.

One, two, three, and four. One, two, three, and four. One, two, three, and

four. Why are you looking at the ceiling? Look at me.

Later on, yeah.

Yes. Yes.

I got the CDs you requested.

They didn't have the Eskel Merman gypsy. They only had the Angela Lansbury

gypsy.

Okay, uh, I picked up your lotto tickets.

I watered your plants.

I took your car to get serviced.

And, um, I bought your rubbers.

I didn't know if you wanted extra large.

I just assumed you did.

Well, I got a big night tonight.

Sir, listen, I was wondering when I could come... She's a lovely girl.

Not quite a woman, but that'll come automatically with age.

Yeah, kid, I'm trying an entirely new generation since mine didn't work out.

You getting enough sleep?

Absolutely. Look, sir, I think I could be a lot of help here, though, okay? I

mean, I'm instinctive. I know traffic. All right, next week.

Okay, you won't regret it, sir.

Ruby, listen, um, I think we should discuss the two of us.

Your generation is so much more verbal.

I wish I knew you when I was younger.

There's been a lot on my mind lately, and I just want to clarify a few things

before we meet your friends.

Well, these are not exactly my friends, Charlie.

I mean, they are my friends.

I guess I would call them my friends.

But, well, the bottom line is we're meeting my parents.

Your parents?

Yeah.

Charlie, I've always thought of them as my best friends.

Charles, there are more potatoes.

Oh, no, thank you. You don't like potatoes?

No, I like them.

Great potatoes, Mom.

They're delicious, Mom.

Thanks.

Oh.

Hey. Aren't my brothers here?

Yeah, I just didn't expect them to be so up in years.

How was the mistake?

Charles, we've heard nothing but good things about you.

Tell me, Ted.

Not Ken. It's Charles.

Of course it's Ken.

Dad, his name is Charlie.

No kidding.

What happened to Ken?

Ruby hasn't gone out with Ken in 15 years. That was during her disco phase.

Has it been that long?

Ken's dead.

He died soon after he retired from the railroad.

You dated a man that retired?

Yes, Charlie. He was a lot older than I am.

I love it when Ruby brings a special man to the house.

It just adds something to the place.

We're so pleased that you have made a lifetime commitment to our Ruby.

Commitment?

Dad?

Oh, my God. Dad?

You'll get through this.

Yes, ma'am.

I want

to

thank you for helping me out today.

Sure.

I think I'm going to appreciate your dad even though I never really got to know

him.

We really loved each other.

They were together 60 years.

That's what I wanted.

But I do.

I want that kind of love.

That kind of life.

You know, Charlie, I've been thinking about us quite a bit lately.

You have? Mm-hmm.

Life's far too short, don't you think?

Think so Whoever she is

You'll regret it

Amy.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you.

Still waiting for the grant?

We've been turned down quite a lot.

Would you slow down?

What do you want from me, Charlie?

I just told you. I told you I'm involved.

Bullshit. You don't love that guy.

What has happened to your ego lately?

You know you're with him because you're afraid of getting back with me.

You know what?

We were kids. It was puppy love. Just grow up. All right, safe.

There's nothing happening.

Nobody gets hurt. Oh, thank you, Fred. And you're right. I don't want to be

hurt. I'm sorry about that time.

No. I hurt you.

I'm sorry.

I was scared, too.

Amy?

Will you go out with me?

I piss you off. Yeah. You know something? You piss me off. You piss me

off more. Oh, yeah. Every time I look up at the sky and I love the sky, I see a

helicopter and I'm thinking of you.

Well, you've ruined music for me. Is that right? Yeah.

I can't even listen to it anymore without thinking of you. And I love

music. Well, traffic jams depress me for weeks. I can't even be in my car without

thinking about you.

Necks.

After your neck, I can't look at other necks.

And have you ever tried looking at somebody without looking at their neck?

Well, it's not easy.

It's impossible.

Okay? Almost as impossible as looking at somebody without looking at their lips.

When they're laughing, kissing.

Every goddamn thing makes me think of you.

Then will you go out with me?

How'd you know?

I mean, now you know.

And you?

I know.

Chemistry.

When?

When I met you.

Mr.

Davenport?

Mr. Davenport.

Sir?

Hey, get in here, kid.

You have to go up soon, sir. Ten minutes.

I know it's ten minutes.

Everything okay, sir? You all right?

You all right.

What kind of a question is that?

Just a question, sir.

My ex-wife, Missy, called me in the chopper this morning just when I was

announcing a four-car fender bender on the five.

Well, the five meets the ten.

Traffic was backed up all the way to the 110.

I understand, sir, but I gotta... Shut up.

Missy called me to tell me she was getting married next week.

I thought that you left her.

What the hell's the difference?

We had a history, kid.

And now she proceeds to drive a stake into my chest.

I could kill her for that.

Wait a second, sir. I don't think you want to do that. You go to hell.

I said, Missy, you're getting married to get back at me.

She said, you never want the extra mile for me.

Extra mile?

That's bullshit.

I treated her like a queen.

Flowers, fancy restaurants, beautiful Hallmark card.

And when we made love, I made sure that she was satisfied before I made sure

that I was satisfied.

But it wasn't enough.

Kid. If you want someone, you got to go the extra mile.

Look, Mr. Davenport.

Single life's for the birds, kid.

Wait a second. Sir.

Sir.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sir.

Sir.

Sir.

Sir, we should... Sir, are you okay? Sir? Sir?

John Lapp, filling in for Statenport.

Okay, kid.

Whoa.

Wow.

You're on, kid.

You're on.

Good afternoon.

Hello. Do the traffic.

We got the Hollywood northbound right at Victory. We've got a jackknife big rig.

You got a major delay, so for those of you at home... No, he's not having an

affair. No, she's not having an affair. Folks, the woman or guy you love tonight

might be home a little late. I suggest a hug, a kiss, just for getting through

this molasses. This is Charlie Dunlap for Metro Traffic.

Charlie Dunlap?

There's quite a delay heading into Fall Function Junction. That's East L.A.

Interchange for the Pomona, San Bernardino, and Santa Ana all come

together downtown.

Now, folks, before you unleash all your anger, the poor sap next to you. So you

had a bad day, bad year, whatever.

Okay, here's what I think you should do. Look over at the guy next to you, okay?

Look over at him. I mean, this is a guy who's going to be 25, 30 minutes late

for his first date with the girl of his dreams, okay? And this girl hates guys

who are late.

He's probably sweating bullets.

Think about the lady to the right of you. She's got to be home in time for

the parents-teachers meeting, and she's going to be late. She's not happy about

that. Her kid's not happy about that. Think about that. That might make your

ride home just a little bit brighter.

Well, let's bring him in.

Because Davenport's got some kind of bug. Yes, he approved the kid. I just

called Davenport. He's not home.

Accident on the northbound Pacific Coast Highway near Santa Monica. No picnic for

those of you heading towards Malibu. You can probably get there quicker by

traveling on the back of one of these surfers.

But good news here, folks. Check out the horizon.

You have a beautiful look at the Pacific Ocean. I suggest you take five, maybe

ten. I want you to slow down, pull to the side of the road, and just look at

this.

It's something.

We're getting calls that people are getting out of their cars and watching

the sunset at the ocean.

Over downtown, flying above Oz.

I wish all nine million of you could be up here with me.

One of you especially.

Oh!

Charlie! Here we go with traffic in and out of the airport at LAX. No fun for

those of you heading to Vegas.

Speaking of gambling, if you're coming from the valley right now, traffic is

stop and go all the way from the Ventura South to the 405 near LAX.

The odds are, if you drive the other way, you'll get to Vegas faster in your

car than if you get in your car, drive to the airport, and fly to Vegas.

Expect the gridlock to ease up where the nickel meets the dime in less than two

minutes. Then you can bet on that.

How did he know that?

So ease into your driveways, give your loved ones a big hello. It's been a real

pleasure getting you home. After all, we're all part of that same gridlock

family.

Dunlap, get in here.

I don't know if it just worked.

Traffic on the Amy Morgan is presently light.

But definitely moving to heavy as Charlie Dunlap approaches.

One, two.

Three, four.

Amy Morgan interchange.

You were wonderful.

God, I'm proud of you.

A man in the sky.

Is it for you?

Beautiful.

Beautiful. What is that smell?

It's a surprise.

Is that Italian?

Maybe.

long face.

He got a grant.

He got a what?

He got a grant.

You got the grant?

It's in France.

Huh?

Paris, France.

What is it, like two weeks or something?

Um, yeah, uh, two years.

Two years?

Are you kidding?

That's halfway around the world. Aren't there other grants?

That's a little grow-up thing.

That's what my company has been working their hearts out for.

And you have to go.

It's my dream too, Charlie.

I thought I was part of your dreams.

Why don't you come with me?

This is just great.

Finally, I'm at my job.

We finally get together, and now you're split.

Why are you being like this?

Why am I being like this?

Yeah, why don't you talk to me like you talk up there?

This is the biggest night of my life.

Don't. yell at me and you gotta go and screw it up is that what i'm doing well

what would you call it well this isn't all about you charlie then who is it

about

Amen. How dare you try and make love to me?

God, who are we kidding, Charlie? This doesn't work.

Congratulations.

Thank you, sir. You're fired, kid.

Fired? For what?

We call it insubordination.

Sir, I had no other choice.

You got ahead of yourself.

I was trying to protect you. I didn't need protection.

You could have thrown a little cold water in my face, I would have been as

good as new.

We can't have any Joe Blow going up in a chopper.

What do you want to do, take my job?

Well, say hello to Quentin.

Taking your job.

good handwriting. I like this very much.

There's that horrible moment in life where you realize you've traveled so

far, only to end up exactly where you've begun.

That day, I took the longest route.

I hit every red light, every traffic jam.

It seemed that everyone I passed looked at me like I was going the wrong way, as

if I'd never been behind the wheel.

You gave Los Angeles a shot, and you got that traffic thing out of your system.

You come work with me.

Dr. Sherman died.

Your father almost told him a policy.

I was very close for over 20 years.

Never give up, son.

I say someday you'll end up selling his kids a policy.

And your father laid the groundwork.

It's all in the follow-through.

I think you have your dad's touch.

See, I'm going to be late.

Where are you going?

Your dad has some more business.

New family moved to town.

Fred Richardson.

They're bringing us our first sizzler.

You'd think they had a sizzler by now.

Dad, I want you to stay here tonight.

I'd love to son, but an opportunity business can wait This is my first night

home. Okay. I think mom's entitled to that Entitled

I would like to reach

out my hand.

Hi,

I need a cab. Going to LAX?

Yeah, immediately.

Well...

What do you want me to do about it?

I... I know I said it. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hold on a minute.

What? If you let me use that car phone, I'll get you out of this traffic in a

few minutes.

You're crazy.

Some kid in a car next to me wants to use my car. Sir!

Excuse me. Hold on a minute.

I am not crazy, okay? I'm serious.

Let me use that car phone, and I'm going to get you out of here. You get me out

of this traffic jam, I'll give you this spot.

I really love you.

I hope your hands are clean.

Mr. Davenport, it's Charlie Dunlap.

You know the metro traffic guy?

Listen, sir, I need your help, okay? I'm on the I-10 near Lincoln, heading west.

I have an emergency C-12WD, major gridlock, sir. I need your help.

Sir, don't hang up on me.

Give me this.

Hey, don't punch the buttons. Just press them gently.

Sir, I gotta go that extra mile, sir.

You hear what I'm saying?

I gotta go that extra mile, sir.

I need your help.

Sir, don't hang up.

Give me the phone.

Yeah, this is Amy Morgan. I called 20 minutes ago for a cab.

Of course, it's on its way. Thanks.

People up on the 10 freeway westbound, forget continuing. Get off at your

nearest exit. Do Big Al and yourselves a favor and get off the freeway. And then,

simply get back on again.

Trust me. And kid, I'm thinking about letting you have your old job back.

I'm fine. I'm in a hurry. I've got a plane to catch.

I'm very sorry about the other night.

I'll miss you.

Is that it?

I understand why you gotta go.

I just wanted to wish you, um... What, Charlie?

Everything.

Let's go.

I almost forgot.

This is for you.

I meant to give it to you a hundred years ago.

Please go.

Oh, and one minute.

I hear there's traffic in Paris.

I love you.

And you love me.

I love you.

So let's make up a family tree.

I love you.

And you love me.

I love you.

So let's make up a family tree.

I love you.

And I like ice cream sandwiches too.

I like fish sticks.

But I love you.

Well, you don't believe me.

You say all I think about myself.

Let me explain.

Don't walk away.

I love me.

You love you.

I love me.

So what?

can do.

I love you.

You love me.

I love you.

So let's make a family tree.

How'd you know that I loved you so?

I'll take too much.

Why are you blue whenever I'm in town?

I guess life was fine till I came round.

I love you.

Love me.

I love you.

Let's make a family tree.

I love you.

You love me.

I love you.

Let's make a family tree.

I love you.

You love me.

Let's make a family tree.