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1
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,660
- PREVIOUSLY
ON CALIFORNICATION...
2
00:00:08,690 --> 00:00:10,330
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE BECCA.
3
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,700
- I HAVE SOME NEWS.
4
00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:13,530
- YEAH, ME TOO.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
5
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,270
- ARE YOU EXCITED
TO MEET YOUR BROTHER?
6
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:16,570
- MY BROTHER?
7
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,340
- HEY, EVERYONE.
8
00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:20,340
- LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO LIMIT
YOUR SEXUAL EXPLORATION,
9
00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:22,140
BUT YOU GOT TO LAY OFF
THE HOOKERS
10
00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:23,140
BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL.
11
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:24,340
- YOU NEED TO START DEALING
12
00:00:24,370 --> 00:00:28,210
WITH SOME REAL,
LIVE WOMEN ONE-ON-ONE.
13
00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:29,580
- HI.
14
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,220
UH, HI, PR--PRETTY LADY.
15
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:34,080
- I ASSUME THAT
THE OFFER STILL STANDS.
16
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,350
- ARE YOU IN?
17
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:36,550
- YES, I'M IN.
18
00:00:36,590 --> 00:00:38,190
- OH!
19
00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:39,760
- I HAVE AN IDEA.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT?
20
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,830
- NO, I'M GONNA DO IT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO IT TOO.
21
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:44,330
- I'M GETTING MARRIED.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
22
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,430
- YEAH, WELL, THERE'S NOT A LOT
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, IS THERE?
23
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,700
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- ANY MORE THAN THIS?
24
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:50,570
- I CANNOT,
IN GOOD CONSCIENCE,
25
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,700
ENDORSE THIS SHIT, BECCA.
- WE'RE DOING IT IN NEW YORK.
26
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:55,640
YOU CAN BE A PART OF IT OR NOT--
TOTALLY UP TO YOU.
27
00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:58,340
AND I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU MAKE
ME FUCKING MISERABLE ABOUT IT.
28
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,220
- I CAN PAY YOU.
WHAT IF I PAY YOU?
29
00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:11,620
- YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.
30
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:13,520
- YES, BUT I'M AN ASSHOLE
WHO LOVES YOU
31
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,390
SOMETHING FIERCE, BABY.
- I KNOW.
32
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:16,860
- I JUST WANT
WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
33
00:01:16,890 --> 00:01:18,460
- I KNOW THAT TOO.
34
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,860
- WHICH IS WHY IT'S HARD FOR ME
TO GET EXCITED
35
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,370
WHEN YOU'RE G-GETTING--
[gags]
36
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,240
[chokes]
37
00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,770
MARRIED.
38
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,610
- I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED.
39
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,240
- YOU'RE NOT?
- NO, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.
40
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,880
- IT'S NOT? IT'S NOT!
41
00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:35,550
OH, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE
ON THE SAME PAGE WITH ME.
42
00:01:35,580 --> 00:01:38,650
BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOU,
THAT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS.
43
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,220
- THERE'S NO POINT
IN ME GETTING MARRIED, EVER.
44
00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:45,520
- WELL, NOW--NOW,
THAT'S A WEE BIT EXTREME.
45
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,760
YOU COULD WAIT TILL,
LIKE, 30 OR 35.
46
00:01:48,790 --> 00:01:50,660
YOU KNOW,
YOUR 20s AND EARLY 30s
47
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:53,160
ARE GONNA BE AN ENDLESS
PROCESSION OF DOUCHE BAGS--
48
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,500
TRUST ME,
BUT JUST HANG TIGHT.
49
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:57,170
- THERE'S NO WAY
I'LL EVER BE ABLE
50
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,840
TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL
RELATIONSHIP.
51
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:01,910
- WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
- BECAUSE OF YOU.
52
00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:05,410
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABLE
TO SUSTAIN A RELATIONSHIP?
53
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,810
YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME,
YOU SAY YOU LOVE MOM,
54
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,910
BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
WHEN YOU ONLY EVER LET US DOWN?
55
00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:15,520
I'M MY FATHER'S DAUGHTER.
56
00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:16,850
- BECCA!
57
00:02:16,890 --> 00:02:20,790
[gasps]
58
00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:22,530
- YOU ALL RIGHT, BUDDY?
59
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,660
- I'M FINE. WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
60
00:02:24,690 --> 00:02:26,600
- MARCY AND I HAD A FIGHT.
61
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:28,730
SHE'S GONNA SLEEP
WITH STU TOMORROW.
62
00:02:28,770 --> 00:02:31,340
CAN I SLEEP HERE
WITH YOU TONIGHT?
63
00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:49,190
- SHH.
64
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,720
[upbeat music]
65
00:02:54,760 --> 00:03:02,730
*
66
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,010
HEY.
WHERE IS SHE?
67
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,470
- GONE.
68
00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:45,880
- GONE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE?
69
00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:47,280
- WELL, SHE LEFT FOR NEW YORK
THIS MORNING.
70
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,480
SHE'S GONE TO MEET
HIS PARENTS.
71
00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:49,680
- MEET HIS PARENTS?
- YEAH.
72
00:03:49,710 --> 00:03:50,880
- JESUS CHRIST, KAREN.
73
00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,750
THIS IS MORE SERIOUS
THAN I THOUGHT.
74
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,920
- WELL, WHAT PART OF
"DAD, I'M GETTING MARRIED"
75
00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:57,290
DID YOU NOT THINK WAS SERIOUS?
- THE WHOLE FUCKING THING.
76
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,690
IT'S LIKE THE SETUP
TO SOME HORRIBLE PRACTICAL JOKE.
77
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,630
YOU KNOW, I-I KEEP ON
EXPECTING ASHTON KUTCHER
78
00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:04,760
TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE--HE'S NOT
IN YOUR BATHROOM, IS HE?
79
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:06,530
ARE YOU FUCKING
ASHTON KUTCHER, KAREN?
80
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,900
YOU MIGHT NEED THESE.
- THEY'RE HAVING THE CEREMONY
81
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:11,770
AT HIS PARENTS' HOUSE
THIS WEEKEND.
82
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,440
- OH, NO, THAT IS--
THAT IS CRAZY.
83
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:14,640
- MM-HMM.
MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.
84
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:16,370
- NO, THAT'S NOT NORMAL.
85
00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:17,810
THAT'S NOT THE WAY
IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
86
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,310
- OKAY, SO WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO DO--
87
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:20,780
LIKE, PRETEND
IT'S NOT HAPPENING?
88
00:04:20,810 --> 00:04:21,980
- YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
89
00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:23,810
- WELL, LOOK
AT THE CHOICES WE MADE.
90
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,850
- MM-HMM.
- WE DECIDED NOT TO GET MARRIED.
91
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,420
WE WERE TOO COOL AND, YOU KNOW,
TOO BOHEMIAN FOR THAT SHIT.
92
00:04:28,450 --> 00:04:29,690
AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT US.
93
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,660
HOW COOL ARE WE RIGHT NOW?
94
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:33,060
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT
FOR HER--
95
00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:35,990
OUR LIFE,
OUR RIDICULOUS FUCKING STORY?
96
00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:39,800
- NO, KAREN, I SEE NO REASON TO
DENIGRATE OUR BEAUTIFUL STORY.
97
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:41,570
AND I HAVE EVERY REASON
IN THE WORLD
98
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,870
TO BE MAD ABOUT THE MOST RECENT
TURN OF EVENTS HERE.
99
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,740
- WHERE IS THAT GONNA GET YOU?
- I DON'T KNOW!
100
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,700
IT JUST FEELS PRETTY FUCKING
GOOD RIGHT NOW--THAT'S ALL.
101
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:49,740
- OKAY, WELL, STAY ANGRY, THEN,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
102
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:52,080
YOU'RE WAY TOO FUCKING OLD TO BE
DRAGGED KICKING AND SCREAMING
103
00:04:52,110 --> 00:04:53,680
INTO DOING THE RIGHT THING.
104
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,410
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT'S THE RIGHT THING?
105
00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:56,810
- BECAUSE SHE'S OUR KID,
AND SHE FUCKING NEEDS US,
106
00:04:56,850 --> 00:04:58,850
AND THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW.
107
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,950
- YES, YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S THE POINT--SHE'S A KID
108
00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,720
AND SHE'S BEHAVING
LIKE A FUCKING KID.
109
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,990
[cell phone rings]
WHAT?
110
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:06,820
- YOU JUST GONNA LET IT RING?
111
00:05:06,860 --> 00:05:09,890
WHO IS IT--
JULIA?
112
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,430
- ASHTON.
- JULIA?
113
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:12,730
- KUTCHER.
- GREAT. OKAY.
114
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:13,960
- IT'S ANTON KIRCHNER.
115
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,600
- DEAL WITH IT.
DEAL WITH IT, HANK.
116
00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:17,370
JUST FUCKING DEAL
WITH SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE.
117
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,840
I'M LEAVING TONIGHT,
AND I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.
118
00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,700
- SHOULDN'T WE TALK
ABOUT THIS SOME MORE?
119
00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:23,440
- WE'RE DONE TALKING.
I'M ALL ABOUT THE DOING, OKAY?
120
00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:25,010
- HELLO?
121
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,580
JULIA, JUST SLOW DOWN.
122
00:05:26,610 --> 00:05:27,980
JESUS CHRIST.
- I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
123
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:30,650
- OH, FUCK.
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AGAIN?
124
00:05:36,490 --> 00:05:40,590
- LOOKING HOT, MARCY.
HOT.
125
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,890
- THANKS.
- YEAH.
126
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:45,060
I GUESS YOU WANT TO LOOK
YOUR BEST WHEN SOMEBODY'S PAYING
127
00:05:45,090 --> 00:05:47,130
A MILLION BUCKS
TO FUCK YOU, RIGHT?
128
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,870
MAKES SENSE.
WAY TO GO!
129
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,130
IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT,
DO IT RIGHT.
130
00:05:51,170 --> 00:05:53,040
GET IT FUCKING DONE!
131
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:54,740
WHOO-HOO!
132
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,140
- THIS IS EXACTLY WHY
133
00:05:56,170 --> 00:05:57,870
I DIDN'T WANT YOU
IN THE HOUSE TODAY.
134
00:05:57,910 --> 00:05:59,180
- OH, OH, RIGHT.
135
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,040
SO I WOULDN'T SEE YOU, RIGHT?
136
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,550
THAT'S SWEET--
137
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:04,150
LIKE A BRIDE
ON HER WEDDING DAY, HUH?
138
00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:05,820
LIKE THAT?
IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?
139
00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:07,480
- CHARLIE.
140
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,890
- MAYBE I GOT SOMETHING
GOING ON TODAY TOO.
141
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,420
YEAH, MAYBE I'M GONNA
GET FUCKED TODAY.
142
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:14,020
WHOO-HOO!
- WILL YOU STOP WHOO-HOOING?
143
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,890
AND I TOLD YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT.
144
00:06:16,930 --> 00:06:19,760
AND YOU BETTER NOT FUCK ANYONE
IN MY HOUSE.
145
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,160
- IT WAS MY HOUSE FIRST,
YOU KNOW.
146
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,770
AND I FUCKED
A LOT OF LADIES HERE.
147
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,100
A LOT--102, IN FACT,
TO BE PRECISE.
148
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,640
YEP, I FUCKED 'EM HERE,
RIGHT ON THIS CHAIR.
149
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:29,170
I FUCKED 'EM THERE.
I FUCKED 'EM THERE.
150
00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,910
I FUCKED 'EM ON THE COUNTER.
151
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,980
I EVEN FUCKED 'EM BENT OVER
THIS CHAIR RIGHT HERE--
152
00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,210
YOUR FAVORITE SPOT.
153
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,980
BLOOP--
I SLIPPED RIGHT IN.
154
00:06:36,010 --> 00:06:37,550
IT WAS NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
155
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,550
- GOOD FOR YOU, BABY.
MM.
156
00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:41,990
GOOD FOR YOU.
157
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,050
WE'RE GONNA LAUGH ABOUT THIS
ONE DAY, YOU KNOW?
158
00:06:44,090 --> 00:06:47,190
- OH, YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
- I LOVE YOU.
159
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:49,460
I'M SURE ABOUT THAT.
160
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:55,530
YOU BETTER FUCKING
SAY IT BACK.
161
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:58,740
- [mumbling]
I LOVE YOU TOO.
162
00:06:58,770 --> 00:07:01,870
- YOU BETTER NOT HAVE
A FUCKING ORGASM.
163
00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:04,840
- I'LL DO MY BEST.
164
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,020
- I'M SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED
IN YOU, LEVON.
165
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,820
- THAT HURTS
MY FUCKING FEELINGS, MOM.
166
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,960
YOU DAMAGE MY SELF-ESTEEM
WHEN YOU SAY SHIT LIKE THAT.
167
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:20,690
- YOU THINK IT'S OKAY
IF I SLAP HIM SILLY?
168
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:21,960
- WE DON'T HIT
IN THIS FAMILY, HANK.
169
00:07:21,990 --> 00:07:23,730
- YEAH, MAYBE WE SHOULD.
- TRY IT.
170
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,630
I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT,
MOTHERFUCKER!
171
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,700
- THINK I'LL SEE YOU
IN COURT FIRST, MOTHERFUCKER.
172
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:29,870
- NOW YOU HAVE
A CRIMINAL RECORD.
173
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,270
- AND YOU OWE ME
A SHIT TON OF MONEY.
174
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,900
- I'M GOOD FOR IT.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
175
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:34,700
YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED.
- WHICH IS WHY I WAS
176
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,510
SEEKING COMFORT IN THE ARMS
OF A STREETWALKER, OKAY?
177
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,740
I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT SHIT WAS ILLEGAL.
178
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,910
- REALLY?
- I MEAN, I GUESS I KNEW,
179
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:42,850
BUT I THOUGHT COPS ALWAYS
LOOKED THE OTHER WAY.
180
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,710
LESSON LEARNED.
- THIS IS SERIOUSLY UNHEALTHY.
181
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,250
I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEND YOU
BACK TO DR. LAWSON.
182
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,650
- WHO'S DR. LAWSON?
- HIS THERAPIST.
183
00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:50,020
- WHY'D HE STOP?
184
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,290
- 'CAUSE
I FUCKING HEALED MYSELF.
185
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,890
- OH, YOU DID? GOOD JOB.
- YEAH.
186
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,860
- I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!
- NICE JOB.
187
00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:56,790
- SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME,
AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.
188
00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,800
- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED
THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
189
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:01,260
- I KNOW. JUST LET ME SEE
IF I CAN END IT, ALL RIGHT?
190
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:02,270
- BYE, MOM.
191
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:05,670
- COME HERE.
- AH!
192
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:09,310
- HELLO?
- OH, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
193
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:12,740
- WINSTON, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO HOPE AND LOVE.
194
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,810
- HOPE AND LOVE.
OH.
195
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,280
PLEASE, COME IN,
COME IN, COME IN.
196
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:17,750
YES, ENJOY.
197
00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:19,150
MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.
THERE'S SHRIMP--
198
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:21,020
CRUSTACEANS TO ENJOY
ON THE TABLE.
199
00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:22,820
- YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME.
200
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,320
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU.
THAT'S A VERY NICE THING TO SAY.
201
00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:25,820
- HOPE'S ALL YOURS.
202
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,620
I WANT LOVE.
- OKAY.
203
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,560
- IT'S EASY FOR ME
TO REMEMBER THAT WAY--
204
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:32,630
LIKE, "BEND OVER, LOVE.
DON'T ORPHAN ME BALLS, LOVE."
205
00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:34,230
IT ROLLS OF THE TONGUE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
206
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,970
- WHATEVER YOU SAY, KRULL,
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
207
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,900
- YOU FEELING OKAY ABOUT THIS?
208
00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:39,900
- [exhales deeply]
HMM?
209
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:41,670
OH, YEAH, JUST--J--
210
00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:43,240
I THINK IT'S JUST WHAT
THE DOCTOR ORDERED.
211
00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:45,110
- YEAH.
212
00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:47,980
SHE'S A SURE THING, MATE.
ENJOY.
213
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,950
SHE'LL EVEN GIVE YOU A GOOD
ASS-LICKING IF YOU LIKE.
214
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:54,580
AFTER A BIT OF EXERCISE,
IT'S QUITE NICE.
215
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,190
WHAT?
216
00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,620
DON'T KNOCK IT TILL
YOU TRIED IT, PAL, ALL RIGHT?
217
00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:05,700
- NO MORE HOOKERS.
YOU HEAR ME?
218
00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:07,800
- FINE.
I'M FUCKING BROKE ANYWAY.
219
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,670
- IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.
- I KNOW.
220
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,270
I'M A FUCKING CRIMINAL NOW--
I GET IT.
221
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,940
- IT'S NOT ABOUT BREAKING
THE LAW EITHER.
222
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,240
YOU NEED TO HAVE
SOMETHING APPROACHING
223
00:09:15,270 --> 00:09:17,210
A REAL HUMAN RELATIONSHIP
WITH SOMEONE.
224
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,080
YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP PAYING
FOR BODY PARTS.
225
00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:20,810
- YEAH, THAT'S EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY.
226
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,680
YOU'RE A HANDSOME GUY
WITH A GREAT FUCKING BODY.
227
00:09:22,710 --> 00:09:23,950
- WHY, THANK YOU.
228
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,250
- I'M IN REALLY
GOOD SHAPE RIGHT NOW,
229
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,680
BUT MY LOOKS
ARE A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
230
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,150
AND I SWEAT
WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH.
231
00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:29,750
GIRLS DON'T LIKE CLAMMY HANDS
ON THEIR TITS.
232
00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:31,690
THAT'S A FACT.
- [sighs]
233
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:35,730
HEY, ISN'T THAT THAT GIRL
FROM THAT TIME? REMEMBER?
234
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,730
- OH, YEAH, THE ONE
WHO WANTED A PHOTO WITH YOU
235
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,360
BECAUSE YOU WERE FAMOUS
FOR FUCKING YOUR STUDENTS?
236
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,960
YEAH, THAT MADE ME FEEL
AWESOME.
237
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,300
GOOD TIMES, DAD.
- YOU SHOULD GO TALK TO HER.
238
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:43,830
SHE'S ALL BY HER LONESOME
OVER THERE.
239
00:09:43,870 --> 00:09:45,230
GO ON.
- SHE'S NOT REALLY MY TYPE.
240
00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:46,640
- YOU DON'T HAVE A TYPE.
241
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,970
- SURE I DO.
EVERYONE HAS A TYPE.
242
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,970
- WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T.
243
00:09:49,010 --> 00:09:50,640
YOU SHOULD BE OPEN
244
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:53,880
TO ANYTHING WITH A COUPLE
"X" CHROMOSOMES, DUDE.
245
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,880
- SHIT, SHE'S STARING
RIGHT AT ME.
246
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,110
WHAT DO I DO?
- [mockingly] AAH!
247
00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:58,720
WAVE AT HER.
248
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,120
NO, NOT LIKE
THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.
249
00:10:00,150 --> 00:10:01,790
COME HERE.
COME WITH ME.
250
00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:04,050
LOOK, SOMEWHERE INSIDE YOU
251
00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:06,060
IS THE COURAGE
TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
252
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:08,120
NOW REACH IN AND GRAB IT.
- OKAY.
253
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,860
- BE FUNNY, BE CHARMING,
BE BOLD, MOTHERFUCKER.
254
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,930
HEY, HEY.
- WHAT'S UP, PROF?
255
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,030
- NOTHING MUCH,
FORMER STUDENT...
256
00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:18,300
WHOSE NAME I CAN'T RECALL
AT THIS TIME.
257
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:19,870
APOLOGIES.
YOU REMEMBER LEVON.
258
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:22,010
- YEAH, YOU'RE
THE ACTOR GUY, RIGHT?
259
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,670
- NOT REALLY, NO.
- YEAH.
260
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,870
- OW.
261
00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:27,340
OKAY, ASPIRING ACTOR, YES.
- RIGHT.
262
00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:29,310
- YOU'RE TARA, RIGHT?
263
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:31,310
- YOU REMEMBERED.
- YEAH.
264
00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,420
I WENT TO SCHOOL
WITH THIS CHICK NAMED SARA.
265
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:36,050
SHE WAS RETARDED.
266
00:10:36,090 --> 00:10:39,020
SORRY. I GUESS YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT ANYMORE,
267
00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:41,830
BUT SHE WAS SERIOUSLY
MENTALLY HANDICAPPED,
268
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:43,230
LIKE, REALLY FUCKING TWEAKED.
269
00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:45,030
ALL THE KIDS MADE FUN OF HER
AND SHIT.
270
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,960
I DIDN'T BECAUSE I ALWAYS FELT
PRETTY RETARDED MYSELF.
271
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,030
THAT'S HOW I REMEMBERED.
272
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:52,900
SARA, TARA--NOT THAT YOU'RE
RETARDED OR TWEAKED OR ANYTHING.
273
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:55,710
- THANK YOU.
274
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,940
- [sighs]
275
00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,780
NO, YOU'RE NOT
LIKE THAT AT ALL.
276
00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,010
YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY,
277
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,450
AND NOT IN A GENERIC WAY, LIKE,
278
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,350
"OH, YOU'RE SO PRETTY,
DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?"
279
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:05,920
YOU'RE, LIKE,
UNIQUELY PRETTY.
280
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:07,220
LIKE, THERE'S PROBABLY
NO OTHER GIRL
281
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,850
IN THE WORLD
WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU.
282
00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:11,120
AND YOU'VE GOT
THIS REALLY COOL VIBE.
283
00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:13,090
YOU MAKE ME FEEL GOOD--
284
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,320
NOT IN A CREEPY "MY WIENER
FEELS WEIRD" KIND OF WAY.
285
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,490
LIKE, HAPPY GOOD.
286
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:20,500
IT MAKES ME WANT TO GET
TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
287
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:23,900
WOULD YOU HAVE A DRINK
WITH ME, TARA?
288
00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:29,010
- SURE, LEVON.
289
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,480
I'LL HAVE MY OWN, BUT SURE.
- OKAY.
290
00:11:32,510 --> 00:11:35,110
- I'M JUST GONNA RUN TO
THE RESTROOM REAL QUICK, OKAY?
291
00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:39,280
- HEY, IF YOU DON'T COME BACK,
IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
292
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,150
- I'LL BE BACK, LEVON.
I PROMISE.
293
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:44,850
- COOL.
294
00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:46,160
WATCH OUT
FOR THE TOILET PAPER.
295
00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:49,430
- SHH.
- IT'S ROUGH STUFF.
296
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:56,530
POW, POW, POW.
[laughs]
297
00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,130
I LIKE
HOW SHE SAYS MY NAME.
298
00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:00,170
- THAT'S THE WAY IT STARTS,
MY FRIEND.
299
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,910
YOU DID GOOD.
- THANKS.
300
00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:03,240
- HERE, DRINKS ARE ON ME.
301
00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:04,970
TRY TO MAKE IT
TO DINNER, OKAY?
302
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,780
- DUDE, IF I CAN GET HER
TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME,
303
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:07,980
I CAN PROBABLY BANG HER
OUTRIGHT--
304
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:09,150
- NO BANGING.
- NO BANGING?
305
00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,110
- JUST TALKING, ALL RIGHT?
306
00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:12,380
- WHAT ABOUT FINGERING?
307
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:13,550
- I WILL BREAK
THAT FINGER RIGHT OFF.
308
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:15,320
- [yelps]
- JUST ENJOY HER.
309
00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:18,520
AND LET HER ENJOY YOU, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT?
310
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,390
TRY NOT TO FART.
311
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:21,990
I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?
312
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:24,530
- I DO.
AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU TOO, DAD.
313
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,460
- GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
314
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:28,330
- HAVING A DAD
IS FUCKING AWESOME.
315
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,170
- DON'T CRY.
HERE SHE COMES.
316
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,300
I'M AROUND IF YOU NEED ME.
317
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:34,140
CALL ME. TITTY TWISTER.
- OW.
318
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,440
- YOU'RE BACK.
319
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:38,040
HEY.
- I JUST NEED ONE OF THOSE.
320
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:40,410
- DIRTY OLD GAME
THEY CALL POOL, HUH?
321
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,550
- YEAH, SHOW ME YOUR BEST.
322
00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:45,410
- OKAY. OH, RIGHT THERE.
- THE WHITE ONE'S THE CUE BALL.
323
00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:49,450
- I'LL BE THE STRIPES.
[billiard balls clack]
324
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,090
[door opens]
- HEY.
325
00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:58,330
I THINK HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
- WHERE IS HE?
326
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,230
- HE'S WITH A GIRL.
- ALONE?
327
00:13:00,260 --> 00:13:01,430
- NO, HE'S IN A BAR,
328
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:03,070
JUST LIKE US
ONCE UPON A TIME.
329
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,900
- DID YOU PAY HER?
- NOT A DIME.
330
00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:06,840
NO, HE DID IT ALL HIMSELF.
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
331
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,300
- YEAH.
332
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:10,040
- I HOPE HE DOESN'T TAKE
HIS PENIS OUT.
333
00:13:10,070 --> 00:13:12,610
- I HOPE HE DOES...
AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME.
334
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:16,450
NO, SERIOUSLY, JULIA,
I THINK HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
335
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,180
I REALLY DO.
336
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,620
NO, HONESTLY,
GETTING TO KNOW HIM, JUST--
337
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:22,490
HE'S BEEN MAYBE
338
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,950
THE MOST PLEASANT SURPRISE
OF MY ADULT LIFE.
339
00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:26,920
- MM.
340
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,330
- THANK YOU.
341
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,860
- I KNOW THE FEELING.
342
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:33,830
- YEAH.
- THANK YOU.
343
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,340
- WAIT.
HOLD ON.
344
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:44,270
- DON'T YOU FUCKING
COCK-BLOCK YOURSELF.
345
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:45,880
- NO, NO, NO,
I WANT TO DO THIS RIGHT.
346
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,540
- YOU MEAN,
LIKE, WITH PROTECTION?
347
00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:49,480
I THINK
I HAVE CONDOMS SOMEWHERE.
348
00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:51,650
- NO, NO, NO, I WANT TO TAKE YOU
OUT TO DINNER...
349
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,350
TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?
350
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,150
- I LIKE DINNER.
351
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,390
- YOU LIKE DINNER?
- MM-HMM.
352
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,650
- ALL RIGHT,
THAT SETTLES IT, THEN.
353
00:13:57,690 --> 00:14:01,360
- OKAY.
- WE'RE ON, ALL RIGHT.
354
00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:04,030
OH, WEAR YOUR BEST DRESS.
LEAVE THOSE UNDERWEAR AT HOME.
355
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,300
[both laugh]
356
00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:18,640
- KRULLER, LOOKING GOOD.
357
00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:20,240
- HELLO, HANK.
358
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,180
- WHERE'S BALDO?
- HE'S IN THE GUEST ROOM.
359
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:24,980
- SAY HELLO TO LOVE.
360
00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:26,320
- HELLO, LOVE.
- HELLO.
361
00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:28,050
- AS YOU WERE.
- ALL RIGHT.
362
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,250
- [moans]
- THAT'S IT.
363
00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,390
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
364
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:32,020
- OOH.
365
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:33,660
- OH, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
366
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:35,060
- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
367
00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:36,660
- WHY IN MY BEDROOM?
368
00:14:36,690 --> 00:14:39,030
- I CAN'T FUCK ANOTHER WOMAN
IN MY MARITAL BED, HANK.
369
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:41,260
THAT'S SICK.
- CLASS UP THE ASS, RUNKS--
370
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,130
CLASS UP THE FUCKING ASS.
371
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:45,470
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
372
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,040
THIS SHIT IS NEVER WORTH IT--
NO DISRESPECT, MILADY.
373
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:50,940
YOU ARE A WORK OF ART.
- THANK YOU.
374
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:53,540
- I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, HANK.
- YEAH, HE COULDN'T GET IT UP.
375
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:55,180
I DID EVERYTHING I COULD.
376
00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:57,010
IT WAS LIKE NIBBLING
ON A PIECE OF STRING CHEESE.
377
00:14:57,050 --> 00:14:58,710
IT'S REALLY MAKING ME QUESTION
MY CHOSEN CAREER PATH.
378
00:14:58,750 --> 00:15:00,550
- NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT YOU.
379
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,950
BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD CONSIDER
GOING BACK TO LAW SCHOOL.
380
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,690
- IT'S DEFINITELY NOT YOU.
381
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,420
THIS KID IS
AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MESS,
382
00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:08,560
BUT YOU SHOULD GO
BACK TO SCHOOL.
383
00:15:08,590 --> 00:15:10,190
NOW, THIS IS GREAT NEWS, RUNKS.
384
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:12,430
PUT YOUR LIMP DICK AWAY,
GET IN YOUR GIRLY CAR,
385
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,160
AND DRIVE
UP TO STU'S POSTHASTE.
386
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,430
YOU GOT TO PUT
AN END TO THIS SHIT.
387
00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:17,200
YOU'LL THANK ME LATER.
YOU ARE WELCOME.
388
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:19,040
- SHE PROBABLY
ALREADY FUCKED HIM, HANK--
389
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:20,570
TWICE, THREE TIMES.
- FOUR TIMES A LADY.
390
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,040
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
IF YOU DON'T TRY.
391
00:15:23,070 --> 00:15:24,570
NOW BE BOLD,
YOU FUCKING NINNY.
392
00:15:24,610 --> 00:15:27,180
THERE YOU GO.
PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.
393
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:29,210
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE DRAGGED
YOU OUT OF THE RIVER.
394
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:31,110
- I'M SORRY
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT,
395
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:33,180
BUT WE COULD GET TOGETHER
SOMETIME FOR LUNCH MAYBE,
396
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:34,450
WITH MY WIFE OR NOT.
397
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,250
WE'LL SEE.
WE'LL SEE.
398
00:15:36,290 --> 00:15:39,390
- UM, HEY, WOULD YOU MIND
IF I PRACTICE ON YOU?
399
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:41,090
- PRACTICE WHAT?
- SEX.
400
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,590
- OH...
- THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, KRULL.
401
00:15:42,630 --> 00:15:44,590
- THAT IS TEMPTING.
402
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:47,060
BUT, YOU KNOW, I'VE ALREADY
TURNED DOWN SEX ONCE TODAY,
403
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:48,600
AND I THINK
I CAN DO IT AGAIN.
404
00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,100
- ARE YOU SURE?
405
00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:52,200
- YEAH.
- AW.
406
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,240
- NO.
- NO?
407
00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:55,000
- YEAH.
NO.
408
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,210
YES.
409
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,610
NO.
410
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,480
YES.
BE GONE, HARLOT.
411
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:01,180
I'VE GOT WRITING TO DO.
412
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,980
AND GET YOUR ASS
BACK IN SCHOOL.
413
00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:15,090
- WE HAVE DONE IT ALL, MARCY.
- [sighs]
414
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,490
- WE SWAM. WE PLAYED TENNIS.
WE HAD LUNCH.
415
00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:20,230
WE MEDITATED. WE DID SOME YOGA.
WE HAD MASSAGES.
416
00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:22,630
THE ONLY THINGS
WE HAVEN'T DONE IS FUCK!
417
00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:26,400
MY BALLS ARE
SO SWOLLEN RIGHT NOW.
418
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,310
- [clears throat]
- PLEASE...
419
00:16:29,340 --> 00:16:31,310
[sighs]
TAKE ME IN YOUR MOUTH.
420
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:33,110
- WHAT?
421
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:36,110
THE CONTRACT DOESN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT BLOW JOBS, STU.
422
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,550
INTERCOURSE ONLY.
423
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,150
- HEY, HEY,
BLOW JOBS ARE IMPLIED.
424
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:41,550
- GET A BETTER LAWYER.
425
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,050
- OKAY, FINE.
426
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,790
IS IT ALL RIGHT
IF I PENETRATE YOU, THEN?
427
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,520
- I JUST FEEL SO WEIRD
ABOUT ALL THIS.
428
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,430
- WELL, OF COURSE IT'S WEIRD.
429
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:53,460
IT'S LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE.
430
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:56,070
I MEAN, ONCE BIG DADDY
ENTERS THE RAIN FOREST,
431
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,530
ALL WILL BE RIGHT
WITH THE WORLD.
432
00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:00,170
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
433
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,070
I HAVE TO CHECK AND SEE
IF THE MONEY TRANSFERRED.
434
00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:04,670
- YOU DON'T TRUST ME!
- WHY WOULD I TRUST YOU?
435
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,580
YOU'RE A FUCKING
CRAZY PERSON, STU.
436
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,410
- YOU GO AHEAD AND CHECK.
I HAVE TO PEE.
437
00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,610
DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT
IT IS TO URINATE
438
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:14,450
WITH AN ERECTION THIS SIZE?
439
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:29,230
- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
440
00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:41,480
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
441
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:44,710
- OH. UM...
442
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:46,450
THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING.
443
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,490
- NOT TO MENTION
REALLY FUCKING CREEPY.
444
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,760
- YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT
AS CREEPY AS YOU MAY THINK.
445
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:56,760
SHE IS MY LOVING TRIBUTE
TO YOU.
446
00:17:56,790 --> 00:17:58,530
ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?
447
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,330
- SHE'S A FUCK DOLL, STU.
448
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,630
- SHE'S AN EXPENSIVE FUCK DOLL--
15 LARGE.
449
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:06,800
BUT...
450
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,340
BUT SHE'S
SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
451
00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:12,480
SHE'S A WOMAN,
JUST LIKE YOU.
452
00:18:12,510 --> 00:18:16,410
AND I HAVE MADE LOVE TO HER,
JUST LIKE I MADE LOVE TO YOU.
453
00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:18,350
WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?
454
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:21,780
- OH, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
THIS IS TOO FUCKING WEIRD.
455
00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:23,420
YOU NEED HELP, STU.
456
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,790
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
MARCY, MARCY. NO, NO! NO.
457
00:18:25,820 --> 00:18:27,620
DON'T--DON'T GO.
DON'T GO.
458
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:29,260
LOOK, I PAID YOU
A MILLION DOLLARS
459
00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:30,690
SO I COULD FUCK YOU, WOMAN.
460
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:32,700
THE LEAST YOU COULD DO
IS LET ME FUCK YOU.
461
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:34,500
COME HERE.
462
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,660
NO, DON'T FIGHT IT.
- OH, OH.
463
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:36,830
- DON'T FIGHT IT.
464
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,240
I WILL PEPPER YOU WITH KISSES,
465
00:18:39,270 --> 00:18:41,300
AND YOU WILL REMEMBER
WHAT IT IS LIKE--
466
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:42,810
- WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA
RAPE ME NOW?
467
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,510
- OH, COME ON, MARCY!
468
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,240
HOW MANY RAPE GAMES
HAVE WE PLAYED?
469
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,240
REQUESTED BY YOU, NO LESS.
470
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,710
- THOSE ARE GAMES, STU!
"NO" MEANS "NO," YOU KNOW!
471
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,520
- OH, OH, GOD.
- OW!
472
00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:54,380
- IS THAT THE SAFE WORD?
473
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,690
- DON'T DO IT, MARCY!
474
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,420
- OH!
475
00:18:58,450 --> 00:19:00,460
- OH, MY GOD.
476
00:19:00,490 --> 00:19:02,260
I WAS TOTALLY HOPING
THAT YOU WOULD MAKE
477
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:03,830
SOME LAME ATTEMPT
TO RESCUE ME.
478
00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:06,430
- AM I TOO LATE?
DID YOU GUYS ALREADY FUCK?
479
00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:07,830
- NO!
480
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:09,200
- I COULDN'T DO IT!
481
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,530
- THAT IS FANTASTIC NEWS!
482
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,440
WHAT HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING ALL DAY?
483
00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:15,270
- EVERYTHING BUT.
484
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,340
- YOU MEAN, LIKE, ANAL?
485
00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:19,280
- NO, HE DIDN'T EVEN
FINGER ME.
486
00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:20,740
- I DIDN'T.
487
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,610
- AND THINGS GOT SO WEIRD
488
00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:26,580
BECAUSE I FOUND THAT FUCKING
SEX-DOLL THING OVER THERE--ME.
489
00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,550
- SOLID.
I'D THROW A SHOT INTO HER.
490
00:19:28,580 --> 00:19:31,590
- UH, LOOK, GUYS,
YOU KNOW, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY
491
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:32,960
A REALLY TERRIBLE IDEA.
492
00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:34,990
UH, LOOK...
493
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:37,230
I AM SORRY I MESSED
WITH YOU GUYS' MARRIAGE.
494
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,360
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GIVE ME THE MONEY BACK,
495
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,230
WE CALL IT EVEN?
- FINE.
496
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:42,700
LET'S GO, RUNKS.
497
00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:44,370
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
498
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,840
FUCK YOU, STU.
WE'RE KEEPING THE MONEY.
499
00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:48,970
- HEY!
THE HELL YOU ARE, RUNKLE!
500
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,640
A MILLION BUCKS
IS STILL A MILLION BUCKS.
501
00:19:50,670 --> 00:19:52,310
- HEY, YOU SAID IT
YOURSELF, STU.
502
00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:53,610
YOU FUCKED WITH OUR MARRIAGE.
503
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,580
I COULD SUE YOU
FOR ALIENATION OF AFFECTION.
504
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,650
- YEAH, AND YOU WOULD LOSE,
MOTHERFUCKER.
505
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,450
- MAYBE, BUT I COULD
STILL LEAK A STORY
506
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,450
ABOUT A FREAKY,
WASHED-UP PRODUCER
507
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,650
WHO'S INTO PROSTITUTES
AND SEX DOLLS.
508
00:20:03,690 --> 00:20:04,990
- I'M NOT WASHED-UP.
509
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,460
- YOU TRY ME, STU.
510
00:20:06,490 --> 00:20:07,860
I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
511
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:10,330
I WILL MAKE YOU EAT
ALL OF MY BALLS.
512
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:13,600
- YOU ARE GETTING SOME FUCKING
TEETH AT LAST, RUNKLE!
513
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:14,730
GOOD FOR YOU!
514
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,370
LISTEN,
I REALIZE I HAVE SINNED.
515
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,000
THE MONEY IS MY PENANCE.
516
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,540
I'M SORRY, GUYS.
517
00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:23,770
WHATEVER I DID,
I DID OUT OF LOVE.
518
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:26,740
IT JUST FUCKS
WITH A MAN'S HEAD.
519
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:30,680
[sobbing]
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
520
00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:33,550
I'M SORRY.
521
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:36,650
MMM, MMM, MMM.
522
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,490
[continues sobbing]
523
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,490
[Foo Fighters' These Days]
524
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:46,030
- * ONE OF THE DAYS,
THE GROUND WILL DROP *
525
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:50,630
* OUT FROM BENEATH YOUR FEET
526
00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:54,370
*
527
00:20:54,400 --> 00:21:00,410
* ONE OF THE DAYS,
YOUR HEART WILL STOP *
528
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:06,420
* AND PLAY ITS FINAL BEAT
529
00:21:06,450 --> 00:21:08,050
- LET ME GUESS.
530
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,550
YOU WERE EXPECTING
SOMEONE ELSE?
531
00:21:10,590 --> 00:21:12,960
- YEAH.
532
00:21:12,990 --> 00:21:16,060
- ME TOO.
533
00:21:16,090 --> 00:21:17,960
FUCKING GUY.
534
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:20,560
- FUCKING GUY.
535
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,730
- DO YOU WANT ME TO GO?
536
00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:27,100
- DO YOU WANT TO GO?
- NO, NO FUCKING WAY.
537
00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:31,070
- THEN STAY.
538
00:21:31,110 --> 00:21:33,310
- ALL RIGHT.
539
00:21:36,450 --> 00:21:38,750
- [laughs]
- YEAH.
540
00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:41,080
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
541
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:44,490
FUNNY RUNNING INTO YOU HERE.
- [laughs]
542
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:51,730
*
543
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:57,830
* ONE OF THESE DAYS,
THE CLOCKS WILL STOP *
544
00:21:57,870 --> 00:22:03,110
* AND TIME WON'T MEAN A THING
545
00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:05,970
*
546
00:22:06,010 --> 00:22:12,110
* ONE OF THESE DAYS,
THEIR BOMBS WILL DROP *
547
00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:17,450
* AND SILENCE EVERYTHING
548
00:22:17,490 --> 00:22:20,920
*
549
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,660
* BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT
550
00:22:24,690 --> 00:22:26,460
* YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT
551
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,130
[engine sputters]
552
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,500
* SAID IT'S ALL RIGHT
553
00:22:29,530 --> 00:22:31,770
- FUCK.
554
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,470
- * EASY FOR YOU TO SAY
555
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:38,070
- GOOD-BYE, OLD GIRL.
556
00:22:38,110 --> 00:22:41,740
- * YOUR PRIDE
HAS NEVER BEEN STOLEN *
557
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:44,050
* NOT YET, NOT YET
558
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,880
* ONE OF THESE DAYS
559
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,780
KAREN.
560
00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:51,420
I MADE IT.
561
00:22:51,450 --> 00:22:53,020
- HEY, G-GOOD FOR YOU.
562
00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:56,090
- OUR BABY'S GETTING MARRIED.
563
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:57,760
- WHAT DO YOU WANT--
564
00:22:57,790 --> 00:23:00,030
LIKE, A PAT ON THE BACK
FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING?
565
00:23:00,060 --> 00:23:03,830
- COME ON, A LITTLE POSITIVE
AFFIRMATION NEVER HURT ANYONE.
566
00:23:03,870 --> 00:23:05,900
- OKAY, IT'S GOOD.
567
00:23:05,930 --> 00:23:07,640
- DON'T ASK.
568
00:23:07,670 --> 00:23:09,070
- OH, COME ON, PLEASE?
- NO.
569
00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:10,710
- I NEED TO SIT
NEXT TO THIS WOMAN.
570
00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:11,970
- NO, YOU DON'T.
HE DOESN'T.
571
00:23:12,010 --> 00:23:13,640
- GOOD.
MOVE IT ALONG.
572
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,940
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
KAREN, THAT'S FINE.
573
00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:17,910
BUT--BUT I WROTE YOU
SOMETHING,
574
00:23:17,950 --> 00:23:19,780
BECAUSE EVERY TIME
I OPEN MY MOUTH,
575
00:23:19,820 --> 00:23:21,450
SOMETHING STUPID COMES OUT,
576
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,090
AND THE WORDS DON'T MEAN
WHAT I WANT THEM TO MEAN,
577
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:25,090
NOT EVEN HALF OF WHAT
I WANT THEM TO MEAN, SO...
578
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:26,520
HERE.
579
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,660
- OKAY, THANK YOU.
580
00:23:28,690 --> 00:23:30,190
- GO AHEAD.
581
00:23:30,230 --> 00:23:32,800
- HANK, I'M TIRED
OF READING YOU.
582
00:23:32,830 --> 00:23:34,460
- SERIOUSLY?
583
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:37,100
I THOUGHT I WAS
YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR.
584
00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:38,970
HA HA.
OKAY, WELL, THAT JUST MEANS
585
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,700
I'M GONNA HAVE TO READ IT
TO YOU...
586
00:23:40,740 --> 00:23:42,140
- NO.
- OUT LOUD!
587
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:43,540
- HANK, STOP IT.
DON'T BE STUPID--
588
00:23:43,570 --> 00:23:44,610
- "DEAR KAREN."
589
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,810
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
590
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:46,940
- GOD, I'M SORRY.
591
00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:48,210
- "I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT US."
592
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,880
THAT'S US
WITH A CAPITAL "U".
593
00:23:50,910 --> 00:23:52,080
"THE STORY OF US.
594
00:23:52,110 --> 00:23:54,620
"HOW THE FUCK DO I SUM IT UP?
595
00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:56,550
"HAS IT BEEN PERFECT?
596
00:23:56,590 --> 00:23:57,890
"HARDLY.
597
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,690
"ANY STORY WITH ME
AT THE CENTER OF IT
598
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,260
"WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING LESS
THAN A BIG, SMILING MESS.
599
00:24:03,290 --> 00:24:05,260
"BUT HERE'S
WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE.
600
00:24:05,290 --> 00:24:07,100
"OUR TIME IN THE SUN
HAS BEEN A THING
601
00:24:07,130 --> 00:24:09,700
"OF ABSOLUTE FUCKING BEAUTY.
602
00:24:09,730 --> 00:24:13,640
"THE NIGHTMARES, THE HANGOVERS,
THE FUCKING AND THE PUNCHING,
603
00:24:13,670 --> 00:24:16,100
"THE GORGEOUS, SHIMMERING
INSANITY OF THIS CITY OF OURS,
604
00:24:16,140 --> 00:24:20,510
"WHERE FOR YEARS I WOKE UP,
FUCKED UP, SAID I WAS SORRY,
605
00:24:20,540 --> 00:24:22,780
"PASSED OUT,
AND DID IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
606
00:24:22,810 --> 00:24:27,720
"AS A WRITER, I'M A SUCKER
FOR HAPPY ENDINGS.
607
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:29,250
"THE GUY GETS THE GIRL.
608
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,120
"SHE SAVES HIM FROM HIMSELF--
FADE TO FUCKING BLACK.
609
00:24:32,150 --> 00:24:34,020
"AS A GUY WHO LOVES A GIRL,
610
00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:36,660
"I REALIZE
THERE'S NO SUCH THING.
611
00:24:36,690 --> 00:24:38,530
"THERE'S NO SUNSET.
612
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:42,030
"THERE'S JUST NOW,
AND THERE'S JUST THE TWO OF US,
613
00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:46,270
"WHICH CAN BE SCARY
FUCKING UGLY SOMETIMES.
614
00:24:46,300 --> 00:24:47,940
"BUT IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES
615
00:24:47,970 --> 00:24:50,210
"AND LISTEN FOR THE WHISPER
OF YOUR HEART,
616
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,080
"IF YOU SIMPLY KEEP TRYING
AND NEVER, EVER GIVE UP,
617
00:24:54,110 --> 00:24:56,910
"NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES
YOU GET IT WRONG,
618
00:24:56,950 --> 00:24:59,010
"UNTIL THE BEGINNING AND END
619
00:24:59,050 --> 00:25:03,950
"BLUR INTO SOMETHING CALLED
'UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.'"
620
00:25:03,990 --> 00:25:06,150
AND THAT'S--THAT'S IT.
621
00:25:06,190 --> 00:25:10,160
I-I DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO FINISH IT...
622
00:25:10,190 --> 00:25:11,890
BECAUSE IT'S NOT OVER.
623
00:25:11,930 --> 00:25:14,760
IT'LL NEVER BE OVER
AS LONG AS THERE'S YOU,
624
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,830
THERE'S ME,
AND THERE'S HOPE...
625
00:25:18,870 --> 00:25:21,940
AND GRACE.
626
00:25:21,970 --> 00:25:23,940
- UH, EXCUSE ME.
627
00:25:23,970 --> 00:25:27,610
YOU CAN SIT
NEXT TO ME IF YOU WANT.
628
00:25:29,210 --> 00:25:30,850
- OH, FINE.
629
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,050
TAKE THE FUCKING SEAT.
630
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,320
- THANK YOU.
631
00:25:36,350 --> 00:25:40,560
- IT'S A MIDDLE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
632
00:25:46,830 --> 00:25:50,200
- THAT HASN'T NECESSARILY
WON ME OVER.
633
00:25:50,230 --> 00:25:53,070
- OH, I--
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
634
00:25:53,100 --> 00:25:56,040
[plane engines whirring]
635
00:25:58,910 --> 00:26:03,280
- * ROCKET MAN
636
00:26:03,310 --> 00:26:06,080
- TILL THE FUCKING WHEELS
COME OFF, BABY.
637
00:26:06,110 --> 00:26:09,250
- * ROCKET MAN
638
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:13,690
[echoing]
* ROCKET MAN
639
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:21,130
* SHE PACKED MY BAGS LAST NIGHT
PREFLIGHT *
640
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:25,600
* ZERO HOUR, 9:00 A.M.
641
00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:32,780
* AND I'M GONNA BE HIGH
642
00:26:32,810 --> 00:26:35,840
* AS A KITE BY THEN
643
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:41,380
*
644
00:26:41,420 --> 00:26:45,320
* I MISS THE EARTH SO MUCH,
I MISS MY WIFE *
645
00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:49,260
*
646
00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:52,930
* IT'S LONELY OUT IN SPACE
647
00:26:54,960 --> 00:27:00,300
* ON SUCH A TIMELESS FLIGHT
648
00:27:00,340 --> 00:27:08,310
*
649
00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:12,210
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME *
650
00:27:12,250 --> 00:27:15,680
* TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME
ROUND AGAIN TO FIND *
651
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,690
* I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME *
652
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,460
* OH, NO, NO, NO
653
00:27:21,490 --> 00:27:25,290
* I'M A ROCKET MAN
654
00:27:25,330 --> 00:27:30,770
* ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT
HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE *
655
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,440
*
656
00:27:35,470 --> 00:27:40,210
* MARS AIN'T THE KIND OF PLACE
TO RAISE YOUR KIDS *
657
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,480
*
658
00:27:43,510 --> 00:27:46,180
* IN FACT, IT'S COLD AS HELL
659
00:27:46,210 --> 00:27:49,220
*
660
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:54,820
* AND THERE'S NO ONE THERE
TO RAISE THEM *
661
00:27:54,860 --> 00:27:57,190
* IF YOU DID
662
00:27:57,230 --> 00:28:03,130
*
663
00:28:03,170 --> 00:28:07,370
* AND ALL THIS SCIENCE
I DON'T UNDERSTAND *
664
00:28:09,910 --> 00:28:14,480
* IT'S JUST MY JOB
FIVE DAYS A WEEK *
665
00:28:14,510 --> 00:28:21,850
* A ROCKET MAN
666
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,750
* ROCKET MAN
667
00:28:24,790 --> 00:28:30,030
*
668
00:28:30,060 --> 00:28:33,430
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME *
669
00:28:33,460 --> 00:28:37,100
* TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME
ROUND AGAIN TO FIND *
670
00:28:37,130 --> 00:28:40,100
* I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME *
671
00:28:40,140 --> 00:28:42,840
* OH, NO, NO, NO
672
00:28:42,870 --> 00:28:46,270
* I'M A ROCKET MAN
673
00:28:46,310 --> 00:28:53,250
* ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT
HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE *
674
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:57,120
- * ROCKET MAN
675
00:28:57,150 --> 00:29:00,420
- * AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME *
676
00:29:00,460 --> 00:29:04,130
* TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME
ROUND AGAIN TO FIND *
677
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,930
* I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME *
678
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,800
* OH, NO, NO, NO
679
00:29:09,830 --> 00:29:13,440
* I'M A ROCKET MAN
680
00:29:13,470 --> 00:29:19,070
* ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT
HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE *
681
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,780
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME *
48860
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