All language subtitles for Californication S07E03 Like Father Like Son

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:09,530 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,290 - [groans] 3 00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:11,300 - NOTHING? - UH-UH. 4 00:00:11,330 --> 00:00:13,600 - NOPE. NOT A TWITCH. 5 00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:16,130 I EVEN TOSSED HIS SALAD FOR A SECOND OR THREE. 6 00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:17,800 - ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN ACTUALLY HANDLE THE JOB? 7 00:00:17,830 --> 00:00:20,640 CAN YOU SHOW UP ON TIME, PLAY NICE WITH OTHERS? 8 00:00:20,670 --> 00:00:23,210 CAN YOU WORK WITH ACTORS WITHOUT FUCKING THEM OR PUNCHING THEM? 9 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,180 - OH, SO YOU HAVE READ MY WORK? 10 00:00:25,210 --> 00:00:27,440 - WHAT? WHAT? WHAT IS IT NOW? 11 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,410 I MEAN, NOTHING WOULD SURPRISE ME AT THIS POINT. 12 00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:30,810 - HE'S REALLY MY KID? 13 00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:33,750 I MEAN, I--ALL I HAVE IS HIS WORD TO GO ON, AND-- 14 00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:35,550 AND NO OFFENSE, BUT HE DOESN'T PRESENT 15 00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:37,420 AS THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY SOURCE. 16 00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:38,860 - I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE. 17 00:00:38,890 --> 00:00:40,820 - HE'S GOT ALL THESE CRAZY EXPECTATIONS 18 00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:42,690 OF YOU GUYS MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME. 19 00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:44,290 I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM 20 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:45,600 THAT YOU'RE NOT THAT KIND OF GUY. 21 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,100 - WHA-- OH, IS THIS YOUR KID? 22 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,130 - APPARENTLY. - DOES HE WANT A JOB? 23 00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,740 BECAUSE I JUST PROMOTED THE P.A. TO WRITER'S ASSISTANT. 24 00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:55,540 - BABY, THERE'S SOMEONE YOU GOT TO MEET. 25 00:01:02,550 --> 00:01:04,280 HOW CAN I MAKE THIS BETTER? - YOU CAN'T. 26 00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:07,780 - WELL, THAT'S A VERY DEFEATIST ATTITUDE, KAREN. 27 00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:09,590 - HANK... 28 00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,520 YOU HAVE ANOTHER FAMILY. 29 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,260 - "FAMILY" IS A STRONG WORD. 30 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:17,330 - HOWEVER DYSFUNCTIONAL, WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FAMILY. 31 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,330 NOW THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. 32 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,430 THERE'S ANOTHER BABY MAMA. THERE'S ANOTHER KID. 33 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:25,770 DO YOU REALIZE HOW FUCKING DEVASTATING THAT IS? 34 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,700 DO YOU REALIZE THAT THE BOTTOM 35 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,840 HAS JUST OFFICIALLY DROPPED OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIP? 36 00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:32,740 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. I-I GET IT. I GET IT. 37 00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:34,340 BUT I THINK ONCE YOU GET OVER 38 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,280 THAT FIRST INITIAL JOLT OF ANGER, 39 00:01:36,310 --> 00:01:37,610 YOU'RE GONNA SEE THAT--THAT-- 40 00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:39,620 - ANGRY? I'M NOT ANGRY. 41 00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:42,150 - NO? YOU'RE NOT? - NO! WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY? 42 00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:44,420 - YOU SEEM KIND OF ANGRY. - NO. NO, NO, NO. 43 00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:46,290 I'M NOT EVEN ENTITLED TO ANGER, 44 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,230 BECAUSE--BECAUSE YOU IMPREGNATED HER BEFORE YOU EVEN MET ME. 45 00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:51,860 - THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S VERY TRUE. 46 00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:53,500 AND I'M ACTU--I'M GLAD THAT YOU SEE IT THAT WAY. 47 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,760 AND I THINK YOU'RE ACTUALLY BEING 48 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,500 HUGELY PROGRESSIVE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 49 00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:58,500 - AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT TEN TIMES WORSE. 50 00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:01,470 SHE WAS THERE FIRST. 51 00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:03,940 SHE IS BABY MAMA NUMBER ONE. 52 00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:06,740 [voice breaking] I AM BABY MAMA NUMBER TWO. 53 00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:07,880 - OKAY. 54 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,580 - AND SHE'S A RIDICULOUS FUCKING MILF, 55 00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:12,650 WHICH MAKES IT EVEN "WORSER." 56 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,750 - I-I KNOW THAT I HAVE A KNACK FOR THIS SHIT, KAREN. 57 00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:17,250 - OH, YOU HAVE A KNACK, ALL RIGHT. 58 00:02:17,290 --> 00:02:18,920 IT'S A MINOR MIRACLE 59 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,790 THAT MORE KIDS DIDN'T COME LOOKING FOR YOU. 60 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:22,890 - OH, HEY, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE. 61 00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:24,730 YOU KNOW I'VE ALWAYS BEEN VERY RESPONSIBLE 62 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,530 WHEN IT COMES TO THE CONTROLLING OF BIRTH. 63 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,230 AND IN THE PAST, IF A WOMAN WAS KIND ENOUGH 64 00:02:28,270 --> 00:02:29,870 TO SHARE HER PRIVATES WITH ME AND ASKED ME 65 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,800 TO SLAP ON A PROPHYLACTIC, I WOULD DO THAT WITH A SMILE. 66 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,700 YOU KNOW, BUT SOMETIMES THE DOGWATER 67 00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:36,440 CAN SEEP IN THERE AND CAUSE TROUBLE. 68 00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:37,640 - OH, YEAH, I KNOW THE TROUBLE. 69 00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:39,240 I KNOW THE TROUBLE. 70 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,940 DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT? 71 00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:41,880 - HMM? 72 00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:43,810 - IS HOW YOU ARE GONNA TELL YOUR DAUGHTER 73 00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:45,780 THAT SHE HAS A BROTHER THAT SHE NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT! 74 00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:47,920 - IT'S A HALF-BROTHER, KAREN. HALF. 75 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,850 IT'S LIKE HAVING A LONG-LOST COUSIN. 76 00:02:49,890 --> 00:02:51,460 IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, REALLY. 77 00:02:51,490 --> 00:02:52,720 - IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT! - OKAY. 78 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,990 I GOT TO GO TO WORK ANYWAY. 79 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:56,430 SO, UM... 80 00:02:56,460 --> 00:02:59,430 IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU! 81 00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:01,370 HAVE A NICE DAY! 82 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,370 [upbeat music] 83 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:12,510 * 84 00:03:51,350 --> 00:03:54,650 [knocking on door] 85 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:55,950 WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE? 86 00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:57,820 WHAT HAPPENED TO MEETING ME OUT ON THE CURB? 87 00:03:57,850 --> 00:04:00,490 - SORRY. I GUESS I OVERSLEPT. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING XBOX. 88 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,690 - WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT 89 00:04:01,730 --> 00:04:03,690 WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE STARTING A NEW JOB IN THE MORNING? 90 00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:05,500 - 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I DEAL WITH MY ANXIETY-- 91 00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:07,300 XBOX...AND WEED. DO YOU SMOKE WEED? 92 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,970 GOD, THERE'S SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU. 93 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,400 ANYWAY, I-I'M PRETTY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS NEW GIG. 94 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,840 - YEAH, WELL, NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE PRETTY LATE FOR THIS NEW GIG. 95 00:04:14,870 --> 00:04:16,040 - I GUESS I THOUGHT SHOW BUSINESS 96 00:04:16,070 --> 00:04:17,470 STARTED LATER THAN THE REAL WORLD. 97 00:04:17,510 --> 00:04:18,840 - IT DOES. IT'S 11:00 A.M. 98 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,640 IS THAT LATE ENOUGH FOR YOU? 99 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,510 - SHIT. O-O-OKAY, I-I'M GONNA GO GET DRESSED. 100 00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:23,650 I'M SORRY. - IT'S A GOOD PLAN. 101 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,650 NOW HUSTLE! COME ON, MOVE IT! 102 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,020 - OKAY! - GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 103 00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,720 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I DON'T KNOW IF I'M OKAY 104 00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:30,850 WITH YOU COMING DOWN ON ME SO HARD. 105 00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:32,320 WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT, HUH? 106 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,960 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST 20 YEARS OR SO? 107 00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:37,030 - OH, I DON'T KNOW, I'VE BEEN BUSY NOT KNOWING ABOUT YOU. 108 00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:37,830 - STILL. 109 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,660 - YOU MIND IF I USE THE FACILITIES? 110 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,900 - I DON'T CARE. 111 00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:44,070 - [mockingly] "I DON'T CARE." 112 00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:47,540 - HANK, WHAT THE FUCK? - AY! APOLOGIES. 113 00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,410 - JESUS! - NO NEED TO TAKE NAMES IN VAIN. 114 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,840 WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE, 115 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:52,880 AND WE HAPPEN TO BE ADULTS WHO HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER NAKED. 116 00:04:52,910 --> 00:04:54,910 - 20 YEARS AGO. - HEY, I REMEMBER THAT MOLE. 117 00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:56,780 - COULD WE NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WHILE I'M PEEING? 118 00:04:56,810 --> 00:04:58,720 - DO WE HAVE TO? - [sighs] 119 00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,680 - OKAY, I'M JUST KIDDING AND BACKING AWAY SLOWLY... 120 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,950 VERY, VERY SLOWLY. - GET OUT! 121 00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:08,730 - YEAH, COULD YOU MAYBE NOT HIT ON MY MOM IN FRONT OF ME? 122 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,960 IT MAKES ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. 123 00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:11,630 - I WASN'T HITTING ON HER. 124 00:05:11,660 --> 00:05:13,360 I WAS ENGAGING A LITTLE FLIRTATIOUS BANTER. 125 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,530 THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE. 126 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:15,900 - WHATEVER, OKAY? I HAVE ISSUES. 127 00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:17,430 THE ONLY KIDS WHO EVER WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH ME 128 00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:18,770 WANTED TO FUCK MY MOM. 129 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,470 THEY'D BE ASKING FOR HUGS ALL THE TIME, 130 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,610 KNUCKLE-BRUSHING HER ASS. 131 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,770 FUCKING CONFUSING TIMES, MAN. 132 00:05:22,810 --> 00:05:24,710 [toilet flushing] 133 00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:26,440 - [sighs] 134 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,110 WHAT? - NOTHING. 135 00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:30,850 - DO I LOOK PIMP? 136 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,020 - YOU'RE PIMP. [laughs] 137 00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:35,650 - MOM, COME ON, CUT IT OUT. - OKAY. 138 00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:37,020 OKAY, BE NICE, WORK HARD, 139 00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:38,860 MIND YOUR MANNERS, AND DON'T BE WEIRD, OKAY? 140 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:40,460 - I WON'T. - PROMISE? 141 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:41,630 - PROMISE. - I LOVE YOU. 142 00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:42,790 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 143 00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:45,830 - WHERE'S MY HUG? - ASSHOLE. 144 00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:50,470 - CAN YOU WAIT IN THE CAR FOR A MINUTE? 145 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,000 - NO FUNNY STUFF. 146 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,840 - YOU LOOK CUTE. 147 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:56,510 - HMM. - HOW'S KAREN? 148 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:57,910 - OH, SHE'S BEEN BUSY 149 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,740 HATING ON ME AND WHATNOT, MAKING VOODOO DOLLS. 150 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,180 OH! THERE SHE GOES AGAIN. 151 00:06:02,210 --> 00:06:05,580 AHH, AND IN THE BACK TOO. SHE'S GETTING BUSY. 152 00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:08,150 - DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO HER? - UH, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. 153 00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,890 YOU'RE ALREADY A LITTLE TOO MILF-Y FOR HER TASTE. 154 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,090 - REALLY? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 155 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,860 - BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 156 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,160 - WOW, THAT IS SO NICE OF HER. 157 00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:17,890 SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL. 158 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:21,570 - YEAH, ME AND MY BEAUTIFUL BABY MAMAS--LUCKY ME. 159 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,030 - KEEP AN EYE ON HIM, OKAY? 160 00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:25,170 BECAUSE HE CAN GET A LITTLE WEIRD IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. 161 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,770 - REALLY? I HADN'T NOTICED THAT. 162 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,110 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WEIRD"? 163 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:33,010 HE'S NOT GONNA YANK OUT HIS DICK, IS HE? 164 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,650 - I DON'T THINK SO. - YOU DON'T THINK SO? 165 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,180 - LOOK, MAYBE HE WENT THROUGH A PHASE 166 00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:39,920 WHERE HE LIKED TO EXPOSE HIMSELF TO GIRLS. 167 00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:41,590 - "MAYBE"? - AND IF HE DID, 168 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,090 IT WAS TOTALLY NORMAL AND A DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE WAY 169 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,720 FOR HIM TO EXPRESS HIS SEXUALITY. 170 00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,920 - WELL... - AND IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 171 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,660 WE GOT THROUGH IT. 172 00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:50,830 - HMM. 173 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:04,610 - ALL RIGHT, KIDS, LET'S MAKE SOME FUCKING TELEVISION. 174 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,680 - YES. 175 00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:09,210 - HUGH, MY BOY, YOU'RE UP. YOU'RE WRITING EPISODE THREE. 176 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,750 - AWESOME! APPRECIATE THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE, BOSS. 177 00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,950 - YEAH, YEAH. LET'S HEAR IT. 178 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:16,890 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 179 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,490 FADE IN...WE OPEN ON THE SANTA MONICA STRAND. 180 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,160 CAMERA FINDS DANKO JONES. 181 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,860 HE'S ROLLERBLADING DOWN THE STREET. 182 00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:25,030 - ROLLERBLAD--WHY THE FUCK IS HE ROLLERBLADING? 183 00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:27,630 WHY IS THE INCREDIBLY COOL, AGGRESSIVELY MALE 184 00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:28,830 STAR OF OUR SHOW ROLLERBLADING? 185 00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:30,570 - BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MEET WOMEN. 186 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,840 WORKS LIKE A CHARM. TRUST. 187 00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,170 ANYWAY, STAY WITH ME. 188 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,610 DANKO MEETS THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON THE STRAND. 189 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,840 SHE IS BANGIN'. 190 00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:39,740 THINK RIHANNA MEETS... 191 00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:41,140 SOMEONE EVEN HOTTER THAN RIHANNA. 192 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:44,250 DANKO TAKES HER HOME AND BANGS THE SHIT OUT OF HER, 193 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,980 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY OUR DANKO IS. 194 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:47,250 - [laughs] YEAH. 195 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,720 - NEXT MORNING, HE WAKES UP, SHE'S GONE. 196 00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:52,090 HE HEADS OFF TO WORK. GUESS WHO THE NEW CAPTAIN IS. 197 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,820 ROLLER GIRL. BOOM! 198 00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:57,030 DEAL WITH THAT, DANKO. 199 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,970 - HANK, YOU'RE WRITING EPISODE THREE. 200 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,300 - I'LL WRITE IT. 201 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:05,070 - HANK, YOU'RE WRITING EPISODE THREE. 202 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:08,670 - I DO HAVE 15 YEARS OF PROCEDURAL EXPERIENCE... 203 00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:11,810 VERSUS THE RAPIST, WHO HAS NONE. 204 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,780 - HANK, EPISODE THREE. - GROOVY. 205 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,910 - WHAT DO YOU GOT? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 206 00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:18,150 - STORY IDEAS-- LET'S GO. 207 00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:22,620 - OH, I-I'M NOT A-A BIG FAN OF OUTLINING, PER SE. 208 00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:25,120 I LIKE TO DO A FAIR AMOUNT OF EXPLORING ON THE PAGE. 209 00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:26,760 - WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. 210 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,120 SAVE IT FOR YOUR NOVEL, ALL RIGHT? 211 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,230 WRITING A GOOD EPISODE OF TELEVISION 212 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,100 MEANS KNOWING EVERY SINGLE LITTLE FUCKING THING 213 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:33,660 BEFORE YOU PUT PEN TO PAPER. 214 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:36,130 THIS WAY, THE WORK IS DONE BEFORE YOU EVEN BEGIN. 215 00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:37,930 - WELL, WHAT ABOUT A BAD EPISODE OF TELEVISION? 216 00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:40,170 - SAME THING. 217 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,170 COME ON, MAN, PITCH ME SOMETHING! 218 00:08:42,210 --> 00:08:43,640 THIS ISN'T A FUCKING INTERNSHIP. 219 00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:47,040 - OKAY, ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 220 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,180 UM... 221 00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:52,650 THERE'S A--THERE'S A-- THERE'S-- 222 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,820 THERE'S A SERIAL RAPIST RUN AMOK IN SANTA MONICA. 223 00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:57,320 - GOOD. - HERE WE GO. 224 00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,720 - DON'T WORRY. I'LL MAKE SURE HE GETS HIS COMEUPPANCE. 225 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:03,160 AND--AND HE'S TARGETING HOT FEMALE ROLLERBLADERS, RIGHT? 226 00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:05,360 AND--AND DANKO JONES, AGAINST HIS WILL, 227 00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,930 HAS TO LACE UP AND-- AND HIT THE STRAND. 228 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,170 - GOOD. I LIKE IT. 229 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,630 THIS IS FUN. THIS IS FUNNY. 230 00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:12,070 IT'S A FISH OUT OF WATER. 231 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,770 YOU GOT THE COOL BLACK GUY 232 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,670 DOING THE STUPID WHITE-GUY THING. 233 00:09:15,710 --> 00:09:17,070 THIS IS HOW WE TELL STORIES. 234 00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,080 RIFF ON IT A LITTLE BIT. 235 00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:20,780 WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR A "B" STORY? 236 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,250 - UH... 237 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:24,380 YEAH... 238 00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:26,180 WHAT IF THIS DOESN'T NEED A "B" STORY? 239 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:28,690 WHAT IF THIS IS JUST A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE 240 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,090 OF PRIMETIME-- OH, HEY, LUNCH. 241 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,090 - OH, MY GOD. - AH! 242 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,690 - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? 243 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,690 KID, YOU GOT TO PRETEND LIKE I'M HYPOGLYCEMIC. 244 00:09:36,730 --> 00:09:37,860 - MMM! 245 00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:47,070 - WHAT PART OF "CHOPPED AND TOSSED, 246 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,640 EXTRA DRESSING ON THE SIDE, NO ONIONS" 247 00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,370 DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? 248 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:54,410 CHOPPED AND TOSSED! EXTRA DRESSING ON THE SIDE! 249 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,410 NO ONIONS! 250 00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:58,880 MOTHERFUCKER! 251 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,220 - [sighs] - WAY TO GO, LEVON. 252 00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,390 - YOU SHOULD GO GET SOME CUPCAKES. 253 00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:05,350 IT'LL CHEER HIM UP. 254 00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:07,320 I THINK HE PREFERS SPRINKLES TO CRUMBS, 255 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,960 FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH. - CUPCAKES. 256 00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:10,030 - MMM. 257 00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:12,860 - NOBODY WANTS CUPCAKES, HUGH. 258 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,300 - YES! 259 00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:16,330 THEY HAVE PEANUT BUTTER MOCHA FUDGE TODAY. 260 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,810 - YOU OKAY? 261 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,140 - FUCK, NO. 262 00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:26,340 I JUST GOT MY ASSHOLE TORN APART IN THERE. 263 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:29,150 - YEAH, JUST DUST YOURSELF OFF, GET BACK IN THERE. 264 00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:30,310 THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO. 265 00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:32,020 - WHY DIDN'T YOU STICK UP FOR ME? 266 00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:33,850 - 'CAUSE YOU FUCKED UP. 267 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,090 YOU KNOW, THOSE PEOPLE TAKE THEIR LUNCHES VERY SERIOUSLY. 268 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,050 I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT, ACTUALLY. 269 00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:41,360 - CAN I GET A CIGARETTE? - MM-MM. 270 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:44,990 - THAT SHIT WAS REALLY FUCKING UNCALLED FOR--YOU KNOW IT. 271 00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:47,760 - DID HE HIT YOU? DID HE FIRE YOU? 272 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,330 DID HE STICK HIS FINGER UP YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOU SMELL IT? 273 00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:52,170 - NO, I DON'T THINK SO. - NO. 274 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,800 [laughs] I THINK YOU'D KNOW. 275 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,340 - [laughs] - HE DIDN'T. 276 00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:57,470 SO JUST, YOU KNOW, DO BETTER TOMORROW. 277 00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:59,480 MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN ABOUT DOING BETTER TOMORROW. 278 00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:02,310 IT'S A SOUND PHILOSOPHY. - I JUST DON'T KNOW, MAN. 279 00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:05,210 THIS SHOW-BUSINESS STUFF IS REALLY HIGH STAKES. 280 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:07,920 - OH, YEAH. YEAH, THE BUSINESS OF CHOPPED SALADS 281 00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:09,420 IS SOME CUTTHROAT SHIT, ISN'T IT? 282 00:11:09,450 --> 00:11:11,790 YOU THINK THAT'S BAD? YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE AN ACTOR? 283 00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:14,020 YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH REJECTION YOU'RE GONNA FACE 284 00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:15,320 ON A DAILY BASIS, 285 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,930 ESPECIALLY LOOKING THE WAY YOU DO? 286 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,360 WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ADORABLE. 287 00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,330 - CAN I GET YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING? 288 00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:27,500 - IF YOU MUST. 289 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:31,940 - I-I REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH RATH'S ASSISTANT. 290 00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:34,910 NOT--NOT TODAY, IN THE FUTURE, THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE. 291 00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:36,450 LIKE, SOON. 292 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,950 - AH, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE DREAMS. GOOD TO SHOOT FOR THE MOON. 293 00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:40,320 - YEAH, BUT HOW DO I GET THERE, YOU KNOW? 294 00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,250 - MM-HMM. 295 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,220 - DO I COME ON REALLY STRONG, YOU KNOW? 296 00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:44,890 - NOPE. MM-MM. - OR DO I PLAY IT COOL? 297 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,420 - YES, IT'S BEST TO PLAY IT COOL. 298 00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:50,030 LIKE--LIKE, ALMOST DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO HER, EVER. 299 00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:52,030 LIKE--LIKE, ALMOST IGNORE HER COMPLETELY. 300 00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:53,830 LET HER COME TO YOU. 301 00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:55,970 - I'M--I'M NOT SURE I SEE HOW THAT--THAT'S GONNA-- 302 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,100 - SHH. TRUST. 303 00:11:58,130 --> 00:11:59,400 - HEY, SORRY I BLEW UP AT YOU, KID. 304 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,170 RITE OF PASSAGE. - NO PROBLEM. 305 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,810 - JUST GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME. - OKAY. 306 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,110 - WHEN IN DOUBT, YOU JUST FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS. 307 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,410 - OKAY. - LIKE WITH ACTORS-- 308 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,450 WHEN IN DOUBT, JUST SAY THE FUCKING LINES. 309 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,210 SAME THING APPLIES TO WRITERS, RIGHT? 310 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,380 WHEN IN DOUBT, JUST FOLLOW THE FUCKING NOTE. 311 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:14,980 - YOU'RE GETTING A REAL MASTER CLASS HERE TODAY. 312 00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:17,250 - SPEAKING OF ACTORS, YOU WANT TO JOIN ME IN CASTING? 313 00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:19,460 WE'RE AUDITIONING CRACK WHORES. - OH, YEAH! 314 00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,520 - HEY, THAT SOUNDS COOL. CAN I COME WATCH? 315 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,090 - NO, BUT YOU CAN GET ME AN ICED HALF-CAF, 316 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:27,130 ONE PUMP SUGAR-FREE CARAMEL, TWO PUMPS SUGAR-FREE VANILLA, 317 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,030 NONFAT CARAMEL MACCHIATO. 318 00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:30,830 GOT THAT? 319 00:12:30,870 --> 00:12:32,400 - SURE. 320 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,900 UM, WHAT-- WHAT WAS AFTER "ICED"? 321 00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:37,870 - [mouthing words] 322 00:12:37,910 --> 00:12:40,240 - UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL JUST GO ASK YOUR ASSISTANT. 323 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,310 - THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU'RE THINKING, KID. 324 00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:46,320 ALL RIGHT. [laughs] 325 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:52,290 - DANKO, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING, 326 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,890 BUT I LOVE THE ROCK. 327 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:59,400 THE ROCK IS MY FRIEND, MY LOVER, MY "CONFIDANTAY." 328 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,270 SO I KNOW YOU THINK YOU HAVE MAGIC 329 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:05,900 THERE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS, BUT WHEN I PUT MY DICK-- 330 00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:10,110 MY LI--BUT PUTTING MY LIPS ON THAT GLASS DICK, 331 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:12,410 THAT'S THE SHIT. 332 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:16,550 THAT'S ALL THE DICK THIS GIRL'S GONNA NEED. 333 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:21,180 SCENE. - VERY GOOD. 334 00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:22,450 I LIKE THE IMPROV, THE "GLASS DICK" STUFF. 335 00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:24,050 - MM, YEAH. - YEAH, THANK YOU. 336 00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:25,450 - VERY CREATIVE. - THANKS. 337 00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:28,520 I JUST--IT JUST CAME ON ME-- CAME TO ME. IT CAME-- 338 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,900 - I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. 339 00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:33,900 I THINK YOU'RE A LOT MORE TALENTED 340 00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:36,500 THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. 341 00:13:36,530 --> 00:13:37,600 - THANK YOU. 342 00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:40,270 - THERE WAS A REAL MOMENT IN THERE. 343 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:41,600 I SAW THE PRICE YOU PAID. 344 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,610 - OH. THANK YOU. 345 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,140 - NO, THANK YOU. 346 00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:47,380 AND COME BACK AND SEE US AGAIN, PLEASE. 347 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,340 - OKAY. 348 00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:52,250 - [clapping lightly] 349 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,650 WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? 350 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,220 "THE--THE PRICE YOU PAID." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN-- 351 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:59,390 - [laughs] FUCK IF I KNOW. 352 00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:02,230 A DIRECTOR I WORKED WITH USED IT ONCE. 353 00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:03,460 I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED GOOD, 354 00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:06,200 SO I INCORPORATED IT INTO MY PATTER. 355 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:07,630 IT'S GOOD TO HAVE PATTER. 356 00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:10,930 [door opens] 357 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,100 - HELLO. 358 00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:13,470 - I HAVE THE NETWORK FOR YOU TWO. 359 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,200 THEY WANT TO MAKE AN OFFER TO EDDIE NERO. 360 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,510 - OH. 361 00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:18,470 DON'T DO IT. YOU'LL REGRET IT. 362 00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:20,510 - WHY? - HE POOPS ON PEOPLE. 363 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:21,610 - [laughs] 364 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,510 - NAH, I'M NOT-- I'M NOT KIDDING. 365 00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:26,650 - YOU GOT TO POOP SOMEWHERE. 366 00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,150 - SO, ACTING, HUH? 367 00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:33,060 - I WANT THIS PART. - AH, BUT WHY? 368 00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:35,060 - BECAUSE IT'S THE KIND OF PART THAT GETS YOU NOTICED, 369 00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:36,960 AND I WANT TO BE NOTICED. 370 00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:38,330 - AS A CRACK WHORE? 371 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,000 - I WANT THIS PART. 372 00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:42,370 - WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU. 373 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,470 YOU KNOW, MAY THE BEST CRACK WHORE WIN. 374 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,600 - I WILL TOTALLY FUCK YOU FOR THIS PART. 375 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:51,040 - OH, THAT IS-- THAT IS TOTALLY SWEET, 376 00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:53,680 BUT I'M NOT REALLY WHAT YOU'D CALL A DECISION MAKER. 377 00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:56,680 - I WILL SUCK YOUR BIG BLACK DICK. 378 00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:59,420 - HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY BIG BLACK DICK? 379 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,720 OH! YOU WERE IN CHARACTER JUST THEN. 380 00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,520 THAT IS--THAT'S COOL. THAT-- 381 00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:07,160 YOU HAD A REAL MOMENT THERE. I-I SAW THE PRICE YOU PAID. 382 00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:08,460 - YOU WANT TO SEE MY TITTIES? 383 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,290 - THAT'S-- IT'S NOT NECESSARY. 384 00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:13,030 WE'RE A NETWORK SHOW. WE DON'T DO... 385 00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:14,660 - WHOOPS. - TITTY. 386 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,130 - WARDROBE MALFUNCTION. 387 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:17,700 - YEAH. 388 00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:20,640 - YOU WANT TO TASTE MY JUICE? - OH, WELL, NO, THAT'S COOL. 389 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:24,170 I HAD SOME FOR BREAKFAST ALREADY. 390 00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:26,010 - [gasps] OOH. 391 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,110 - HELLO, FRISCO. 392 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:31,110 [woman moaning] 393 00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,580 - OH! 394 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,990 THIS IS NOT AS IT SEEMS. - FUCK YOU, HANK. 395 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,560 I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS SHIT. 396 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:42,430 THIS--RATH, RATH, RA-- - NO, NOT NOW, TERRY. 397 00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:44,560 I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR MILITANT BULLSHIT, OKAY? 398 00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:46,330 PLEASE, GO DO SOMETHING IN THE ROOM. 399 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,760 MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, OKAY? 400 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,370 ARE WE READY TO DO SOME THESPING OR WHAT? 401 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,270 WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 402 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,310 MUST BE AMBITION. LET'S DO THIS. 403 00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,210 - WHAT'S THAT ON THE WALL? - COCK. 404 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,280 [laughter] - AND WHAT COLOR IS IT? 405 00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:04,310 - BLACK. - IT'S BLACK. 406 00:16:04,350 --> 00:16:06,020 IT'S A BLACK CLOCK. 407 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:08,280 - BIG BLACK COCK. 408 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,490 [both laughing] 409 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,390 - HOLY SHIT. THAT IS SO FUNNY. 410 00:16:13,420 --> 00:16:15,520 LITTLE KIDS ARE HILARIOUS. 411 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,090 - I KNOW, RIGHT? [laughs] 412 00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:20,060 - OH, MY GOSH. - OKAY, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN. 413 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,800 - W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 414 00:16:21,830 --> 00:16:24,370 - I SHOWED YOU MINE. NOW YOU SHOW ME YOURS. 415 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,540 - YEAH, BUT MY-- MY FAVORITE STUFF IS-- 416 00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,500 IS DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE. 417 00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:30,670 - OH, PSHH, THAT'S OKAY. I MEAN, COME ON. 418 00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:33,480 THIS ISN'T, LIKE, YOUR TYPICAL WORKPLACE. 419 00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:38,650 - OKAY, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME SHIT. - OKAY. 420 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,380 - AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS. 421 00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:42,350 OKAY, OKAY. HANK! HANK, HANK. 422 00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:43,490 CAN I SEE YOU IN HERE A MINUTE, PLEASE? 423 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,120 THANK YOU, TERRY. 424 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,720 HAVE A SEAT. 425 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,060 - DON'T MIND IF I DO. WHAT'S UP? 426 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,660 - DID YOU FINGER THAT ACTRESS? 427 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,270 - OH, DEAR. 428 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,630 NOT EXACTLY. 429 00:16:57,670 --> 00:17:00,140 - WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN, "NOT EXACTLY"? 430 00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:02,140 EITHER YOU FINGER SOMEONE, OR YOU DON'T. 431 00:17:02,170 --> 00:17:03,410 - WELL, TECHNICALLY, 432 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,710 SHE FINGERED HERSELF... WITH MY FINGER. 433 00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:09,110 - THAT'S WHY IT SMELLED LIKE PUSSY IN THERE? 434 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:11,750 - NO, THAT WAS AMBITION. 435 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,820 - NOW I HAVE TO HIRE THAT CRAZY BITCH. 436 00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,280 - WHY? - WHY? 437 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,750 BECAUSE IF I DON'T, 438 00:17:16,790 --> 00:17:18,550 SHE'S GONNA CLAIM THAT YOU DID SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE 439 00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:20,120 WITH YOUR STINK FINGER. - OH. 440 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,490 - AND WITH YOUR FUCKING RECORD, 441 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,790 NO ONE'S EVER GONNA BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T. 442 00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:25,660 - I SEE. - WHAT? 443 00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:29,170 WHAT'S THE MATTER, HON? DID HE FINGER YOU TOO? 444 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,700 WHAT DID YOU MAKE HER WATCH? 445 00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:32,800 - I-I DIDN'T MAKE HER WATCH ANYTHING. 446 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,540 - WELL, SOMETHING FUCKING UPSET HER. 447 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:35,840 - SHE WAS SHOWING ME 448 00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:37,870 SOME OF HER FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDEOS, RIGHT? 449 00:17:37,910 --> 00:17:40,710 AND SHE ASKED ME TO SHOW HER SOMETHING THAT I LIKED. 450 00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:42,150 - AND? 451 00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,810 - IT--IT'S KIND OF DIRTY. 452 00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:46,150 - I'M A BIG BOY. I CAN HANDLE IT. 453 00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:48,580 - WELL, SPEAKING OF BIG BOYS. 454 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:50,820 THIS HUGE, PRISON YARD-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER 455 00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:53,520 IS HAVING ANAL SEX WITH THIS CUTE LITTLE PORNO CHICK, RIGHT? 456 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,190 - HERE WE GO. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 457 00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:56,890 SO HE'S JUST BANGING AWAY AND BANGING AWAY, 458 00:17:56,930 --> 00:17:58,790 BUT THAT'S NOT THE COOL PART. - NO. 459 00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:00,460 - AT A KEY POINT IN THE VIDEO, 460 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,700 THE GUY PULLS HIS MONSTER COCK OUT OF HER BUTT, 461 00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:04,700 AND SHOVES HIS ENTIRE SCROTUS IN THERE. 462 00:18:04,730 --> 00:18:07,140 AND THIS THING IS RIDICULOUS. 463 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,470 IT'S LITERALLY LIKE A GIANT GYM BAG FULL OF BASKETBALLS. 464 00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:11,170 SO THEN--BEST OF PART OF THE VIDEO-- 465 00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:13,380 HE PULLS IT OUT AGAIN AND YELLS, "BOO-YAH! 466 00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:14,740 BOO-YAH!" 467 00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:17,550 [laughs awkwardly, coughs, clears throat] 468 00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:19,820 IT--IT'S ACTUALLY R-REALLY FUNNY. 469 00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,520 - YEAH, NO, IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS. 470 00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:23,620 DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IT IS? SEXUAL HARASSMENT. 471 00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,720 - WHAT? SHE ASKED FOR IT. 472 00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:28,560 - THIS IS A WORKPLACE, LEON. - LE--IT'S LEVON. 473 00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:29,760 - THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 474 00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:32,730 - IT--IT WASN'T EVEN SEXUAL, THOUGH. 475 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,600 IT WAS COMEDIC. I MEAN, WAS I TURNED ON? 476 00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:38,630 YES, BECAUSE SHE'S INCREDIBLY HOT. 477 00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:39,940 BUT WAS I TRYING TO FUCK HER? NO. 478 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:42,210 - SHE SAID YOU STARTED TO GIVE HER A BACK RUB. 479 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,740 - JESUS. - SHE SAID THAT? 480 00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:47,510 YOU--YOU TOLD ME TO PLAY IT COOL. 481 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:48,840 - I DID, I DID. 482 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,250 I TOLD HIM TO PLAY IT COOL. WELL PLAYED, SON. 483 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,780 - THANKS, DAD. - WELL PLAYED. 484 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,520 - THE AGENT'S ON THE PHONE. 485 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,450 - W-WHO? WHICH ONE? 486 00:18:56,490 --> 00:19:00,260 - OH, THE ONE WHO REPRESENTS THE ACTRESS THAT HANK FINGERED. 487 00:19:00,290 --> 00:19:02,330 - HAPPY? 488 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,560 - YOU FINGERED AN ACTRESS TODAY? WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? 489 00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:07,430 - YOU WERE BUSY SEXUALLY HARASSING MY ASSISTANT. 490 00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,730 JESUS CHRIST! LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON. 491 00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:13,600 TWO REAL, LIVE DEGENERATE ASSHOLES. 492 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,840 GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, NOW. 493 00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:22,410 - SO WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE? 494 00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:23,780 ARE WE--ARE WE FIRED? 495 00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:25,450 - DOES IT LOOK LIKE I FIRE PEOPLE AROUND HERE? 496 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,880 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FUCKING OFFICE? 497 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,690 IT'S A FUCKING CLOWN COLLEGE OUT THERE. 498 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,420 GET OUT! 499 00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:35,560 - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? - WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 500 00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:37,430 - YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AT WORK. 501 00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:38,960 IT'S DISRESPECTFUL. 502 00:19:38,990 --> 00:19:40,760 - SAYS THE GUY WHO JUST GOT IN TROUBLE FOR FINGERING SOMEONE. 503 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,500 - HEY, WATCH YOUR TONE, ALL RIGHT? 504 00:19:42,530 --> 00:19:43,670 - YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS. 505 00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,000 - WHOA, WHOA. WHERE YOU GOING? 506 00:19:45,030 --> 00:19:46,570 - HOME. I'M DONE. - WHAT, THAT'S IT? 507 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,500 YOU'RE JUST GONNA QUIT? - YEAH, WHY NOT? 508 00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:50,010 IT'S A STUPID FUCKING JOB ANYWAYS-- 509 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,970 FETCHING LUNCHES FOR A BUNCH OF HOLLYWOOD ASSHOLES. 510 00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:53,980 - ALL RIGHT, NOW WE KNOW WHY YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER. 511 00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:55,440 - WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? 512 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,580 - I'M JUST A GUY WHO'S TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST 513 00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,580 OF AN INCREDIBLY FUCKED-UP SITUATION. 514 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:00,750 - YEAH, WELL, DON'T BOTHER. 515 00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,450 I'M SORRY I CAME LOOKING FOR YOU. 516 00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:04,390 - HEY, DON'T START SAYING THINGS YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK. 517 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,720 - WHO SAYS I WANT TO TAKE IT BACK? 518 00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:07,520 - YOU'RE A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN, YOU KNOW THAT? 519 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,590 - YEAH, WHICH IS WHY I'M GONNA BE 520 00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:10,330 A GREAT FUCKING ACTOR ONE DAY. 521 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:11,990 - YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE A GREAT FUCKING ACTOR? 522 00:20:12,030 --> 00:20:15,660 YOU CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH ONE DAY AS A FUCKING P.A. 523 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,900 - FUCK YOU. - FUCK ME? 524 00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:18,870 - YEAH, FUCK YOU. 525 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:20,840 - NO, FUCK YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT. 526 00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:22,440 I GET YOU A JOB, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? 527 00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:23,540 YOU EMBARRASS ME. 528 00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,940 - IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 529 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,680 [overlapping shouting] - COME ON, HANK. 530 00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:31,610 DO THAT SHIT. COME ON, BABY. 531 00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:33,020 COME ON, HANK. - COME ON, HANK! 532 00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,850 - DO IT! COME ON. 533 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,820 NO, COME ON--NO! 534 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,390 - YES! [whooping] 535 00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:40,690 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - THAT'S MY MONEY! 536 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,990 [overlapping chatter] 537 00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:44,990 - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? 538 00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:47,360 - I WON. I'M WRITING THE EPISODE. 539 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,800 - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 540 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,530 THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS AROUND HERE, TERRY. 541 00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:51,900 - I'LL ARM-WRESTLE YOU FOR IT. 542 00:20:51,930 --> 00:20:53,870 - AND YOU WILL WIN. OF THAT, I HAVE NO DOUBT. 543 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,710 BUT I ASSIGN THE EPISODES. 544 00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:59,680 THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING FREAK SHOW. 545 00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,680 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NOW? 546 00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:04,680 - I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT. I'M JULIA, LEVON'S MOM. 547 00:21:04,710 --> 00:21:06,920 LEVON HAS SOMETHING HE'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU. 548 00:21:06,950 --> 00:21:08,380 DO IT. 549 00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:10,550 - HI--HI, MELANIE. 550 00:21:10,590 --> 00:21:12,020 I'M--I'M VERY SORRY I CREATED 551 00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:13,860 A HOSTILE WORKING ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU. 552 00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,060 I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. 553 00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:17,060 I-I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 554 00:21:17,090 --> 00:21:18,460 - YEAH. 555 00:21:18,490 --> 00:21:19,660 - IT'S PARTIALLY MY FAULT, 556 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,360 BECAUSE I HAD A VERY LIBERAL ATTITUDE 557 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,630 ABOUT LEVON AND PORNOGRAPHY. 558 00:21:22,670 --> 00:21:24,000 - WELL, I GUESS IT'S OKAY. 559 00:21:24,030 --> 00:21:26,070 IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY WHEN THE GUY'S BALLS 560 00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:27,940 JUST POPPED OUT OF HER BUTT LIKE THAT. 561 00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:29,670 - I KNOW, RIGHT? - [laughs] 562 00:21:29,710 --> 00:21:31,470 JUST DON'T TRY TO MASSAGE ME AGAIN. 563 00:21:31,510 --> 00:21:33,410 - I WON'T. I PROMISE. 564 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,710 - IT WAS CREEPY. - GOT IT. 565 00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:37,010 - AND YOUR BREATH WAS HORRIBLE. 566 00:21:37,050 --> 00:21:38,810 - DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS MORNING? 567 00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:41,550 - I FORGOT. HANK WAS RUSHING ME. 568 00:21:41,580 --> 00:21:43,490 - DID YOU FLOSS LAST NIGHT? 569 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,690 - MOM, STOP IT. [laughter] 570 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,920 - OKAY, WELL... 571 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,030 - MR. RATH, SIR, 572 00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,600 I'M VERY SORRY I FUCKED UP LUNCH 573 00:21:52,630 --> 00:21:53,830 A-AND DISRESPECTED YOUR AUTHORITY. 574 00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,060 IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, SIR. 575 00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:56,870 - HEY, WHATEVER, KID. SHIT HAPPENS. 576 00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:59,130 YOU LIVE AND LEARN. GET ME A DIET COKE. 577 00:21:59,170 --> 00:22:00,940 RICK RATH. - JULIA. 578 00:22:00,970 --> 00:22:02,910 - EVERYBODY CALLS ME RATH. - OH. 579 00:22:02,940 --> 00:22:05,840 WELL, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T SCREAM AT MY SON. 580 00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:07,840 HE'S A HUMAN BEING, AND I'M SURE YOU CAN FIND 581 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,750 A BETTER WAY TO MOTIVATE YOUR EMPLOYEES. 582 00:22:09,780 --> 00:22:12,080 - WOW. OKAY. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HUH? 583 00:22:12,110 --> 00:22:13,950 UM... 584 00:22:13,980 --> 00:22:15,620 HOW IS IT EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE 585 00:22:15,650 --> 00:22:16,890 THAT YOU HAVE A KID THAT OLD? 586 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,690 - [laughs] OH, THANK YOU. UM... 587 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:21,860 [Hank grunts] 588 00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:23,760 - OH, RIGHT. HIM. 589 00:22:23,790 --> 00:22:25,160 YEAH, SORRY. - OKAY. 590 00:22:25,190 --> 00:22:27,460 I'M--I'M WAITING. WHERE'S MY APOLOGY? 591 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:30,470 - I DO HAVE SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU. 592 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:33,800 WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING DOWN ON HIM SO HARD? 593 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,040 - THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE AN APOLOGY. 594 00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:36,840 - YOU GOT TO PUT IN SOME SERIOUS TIME 595 00:22:36,870 --> 00:22:38,410 BEFORE YOU TEAR INTO HIM LIKE THAT. 596 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:39,840 HE IS MY SON. 597 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,440 I MEAN, YOU'RE JUST A SPERM DONOR AT THIS POINT. 598 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,750 WHY DON'T YOU TRY BEING HIS FRIEND? 599 00:22:42,780 --> 00:22:44,610 WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM? NOTHING. 600 00:22:44,650 --> 00:22:46,620 - BOO-YAH. MOODY JUST GOT SCHOOLED. 601 00:22:46,650 --> 00:22:48,480 - WELL, MAYBE I OVERREACTED A TAD, 602 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,190 BUT THE BOY IS IN NEED OF SOME MALE GUIDANCE. 603 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:53,190 - HEY, I THINK THIS WOMAN IS DOING A FANTASTIC JOB. 604 00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:54,990 THIS KID'S GOT EXCELLENT MANNERS. 605 00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:57,030 SHE BROUGHT COOKIES. - WHICH ARE AMAZING. 606 00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:58,760 - WHY DON'T YOU FIND SOME PATIENCE, HANK? 607 00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:00,600 AND DON'T BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. 608 00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:03,770 - WELL SAID, JULIA. 609 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,570 CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? - SURE. 610 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,040 - HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANY ACTING? 611 00:23:09,070 --> 00:23:11,470 - OH, YEARS AGO, IN NEW YORK. 612 00:23:11,510 --> 00:23:12,680 - NEW YORK? - YEAH. 613 00:23:12,710 --> 00:23:14,910 - I'M FROM NEW YORK. - OH, COOL. WOW. 614 00:23:14,940 --> 00:23:17,750 WELL, YEAH, I DID SOME THEATER AND A FEW COMMERCIALS, 615 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,080 BUT I WASN'T VERY GOOD. 616 00:23:19,110 --> 00:23:20,450 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 617 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,020 I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. 618 00:23:23,050 --> 00:23:25,450 I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY A LOT MORE TALENTED 619 00:23:25,490 --> 00:23:27,460 THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. 620 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,830 - [chuckles] 621 00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:31,590 - LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND. 622 00:23:31,630 --> 00:23:34,930 - [giggles] - TAKE THAT, RAPIST. 623 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,200 - SO THIS IS-- - LEVON! 624 00:23:37,230 --> 00:23:39,070 MILK! 625 00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:42,070 [funky jazz] 626 00:23:42,100 --> 00:23:43,940 [vocalizing] 627 00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:45,540 * 628 00:23:45,570 --> 00:23:48,940 - I DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING, RUNKS, NOT AT ALL. 629 00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:51,050 - ME EITHER, BUDDY. 630 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,950 BOY, YOU REALLY TAKE YOUR ERECTIONS FOR GRANTED, HUH? 631 00:23:52,980 --> 00:23:54,180 I MEAN, YOU NEVER IMAGINE 632 00:23:54,220 --> 00:23:55,850 THEY'RE JUST GONNA GO AWAY ONE DAY. 633 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,050 - HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO STEER THIS 634 00:23:57,090 --> 00:23:58,250 BACK AROUND TO YOUR DICK? 635 00:23:58,290 --> 00:24:00,060 I WAS JUST SHARING ABOUT HOW MY LIFE 636 00:24:00,090 --> 00:24:02,730 HAS BEEN TURNED INSIDE OUT AND UPSIDE DOWN RIGHT NOW. 637 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,230 - WELL, MINE TOO, YOU KNOW? 638 00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:07,160 MY DICK ISN'T WORKING. 639 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,200 I CAN'T MAKE SWEET LOVE TO MY WIFE, 640 00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,570 WHO SURELY MUST BE GROWING FRUSTRATED 641 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,700 AND DOUBTING WHETHER SHE DID THE RIGHT THING 642 00:24:13,740 --> 00:24:14,970 GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH ME. 643 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,710 - WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A WIFE, CHARLIE. 644 00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:18,110 MY RELATIONSHIP WITH KAREN 645 00:24:18,140 --> 00:24:20,240 HAS NEVER BEEN MORE FUCKED THAN IT IS RIGHT NOW. 646 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,550 - SHE MANAGED TO GET PAST THE WHOLE MIA THING, RIGHT? 647 00:24:22,580 --> 00:24:24,750 - BARELY. - PROOF... 648 00:24:24,780 --> 00:24:26,750 TIME HEALS ALL. 649 00:24:26,780 --> 00:24:27,950 - EVEN BROKEN DICKS? 650 00:24:27,980 --> 00:24:30,250 - [sighs] HERE'S HOPING. 651 00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:33,760 [cell phone chimes] 652 00:24:33,790 --> 00:24:35,220 IT'S MARCY. 653 00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:37,290 "COME HOME AND FUCK YOUR WIFE. 654 00:24:37,330 --> 00:24:39,800 "SHE'S STONED AND HORNY AND WANTS SOME DADDY DICK. 655 00:24:39,830 --> 00:24:41,230 "IF IT DOESN'T WORK, 656 00:24:41,260 --> 00:24:43,870 YOU CAN EAT ME OUT AND USE THE VERB." 657 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:45,230 both: VERB? 658 00:24:45,270 --> 00:24:46,740 - VIBE. - VIBE. 659 00:24:46,770 --> 00:24:47,940 - "BRATOR." 660 00:24:47,970 --> 00:24:50,610 - "STOP AT THE STORE. WE NEED MILK." 661 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,110 - GO. 662 00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:54,010 GO FORTH. DO AS YOU'RE TOLD. 663 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,810 GET YOUR TONGUE READY FOR A WORKOUT. 664 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,210 AND--AND DON'T FORGET THE MILK. 665 00:24:57,250 --> 00:25:00,220 AND GRAB SOME BOOZE TOO. WE'RE ALMOST OUT. 666 00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:04,150 WHAT? YOU KNOW I LIKE ME A NIGHTCAP WHEN I GET HOME. 667 00:25:04,190 --> 00:25:07,890 AND SOME POP CHIPS. I LOVE ME SOME POP CHIPS. 668 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,190 WORKING IN TV HAS TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT SNACK FOOD. 669 00:25:11,230 --> 00:25:14,530 POP CHIPS! 670 00:25:22,610 --> 00:25:26,210 [cell phone ringing] 671 00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:33,650 - WHAT? - HI. 672 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,190 - WHAT DO YOU WANT, HANK? I'M NOT IN THE MOOD. 673 00:25:37,220 --> 00:25:40,360 - I-I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM, YOU KNOW? 674 00:25:40,390 --> 00:25:43,930 THIS--THIS WHOLE THING HAS GOT ME SO NUTS 675 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,360 THAT I HAVEN'T REALLY TAKEN THE TIME 676 00:25:46,390 --> 00:25:48,360 TO APPRECIATE HOW BANANAS IT MUST BE FOR YOU. 677 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,970 YOU KNOW, AND I KNOW I CAN'T TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT 678 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,940 OR EXPECT-- EXPECT IT TO BLOW OVER, 679 00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:54,740 BUT, YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW 680 00:25:54,770 --> 00:26:00,210 THAT I-I FULLY APPRECIATE WHAT A BIG DEAL THIS IS FOR YOU. 681 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,580 - OKAY. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO FOR YOU? 682 00:26:05,210 --> 00:26:08,880 - I'M A HALFWAY-DECENT PATERNAL-TYPE PERSON, AREN'T I? 683 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:13,690 - SO THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. YOU WANT YOUR EGO STROKED. 684 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,920 - NO, NO, NO, I-I-- IT'S JUST THAT I'M FEELING 685 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:17,690 PRETTY RUSTY RIGHT NOW-- 686 00:26:17,730 --> 00:26:21,700 - NO, YOU'RE FEELING PRETTY SORRY FOR YOURSELF ABOUT NOW. 687 00:26:21,730 --> 00:26:25,400 AND THAT'S A WASTE OF TIME, BECAUSE THIS IS LIFE, HANK. 688 00:26:25,430 --> 00:26:28,640 YOU KNOW, SHIT COMES FLYING AT YOU, 689 00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:30,040 AND YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH IT. 690 00:26:30,070 --> 00:26:33,340 THAT'S WHAT DEFINES YOU, HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT. 691 00:26:33,380 --> 00:26:35,980 YOU DON'T GET POINTS FOR WALLOWING. 692 00:26:36,010 --> 00:26:39,280 - WELL, THAT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ENTITLED 693 00:26:39,310 --> 00:26:43,420 TO DRINK AND CONTEMPLATE MY JOB-LIKE EXISTENCE 694 00:26:43,450 --> 00:26:45,190 THAN I DO RIGHT NOW. 695 00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:49,790 - AND YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S COMING. 696 00:26:49,830 --> 00:26:51,130 - LUCKY HER. 697 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:52,290 - AND YOU HAVE THIS KID 698 00:26:52,330 --> 00:26:54,130 WHO'S COME LOOKING FOR HIS FATHER. 699 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,700 I MEAN, IT'S A BIG DEAL. 700 00:26:55,730 --> 00:26:57,270 HE'S PROBABLY A RAW NERVE RIGHT NOW, 701 00:26:57,300 --> 00:27:00,040 AND HIS MOM ALL, LIKE, FREAKED OUT 702 00:27:00,070 --> 00:27:03,040 AND WONDERING HOW HER LIFE'S GONNA CHANGE. 703 00:27:03,070 --> 00:27:06,040 IT'S A LOT. 704 00:27:06,070 --> 00:27:07,710 - HOW ABOUT YOU? 705 00:27:07,740 --> 00:27:09,980 - YOU DON'T GOT TIME TO THINK ABOUT ME, HANK. 706 00:27:10,010 --> 00:27:11,410 YOU GOT ENOUGH ON YOUR PLATE. 707 00:27:11,450 --> 00:27:14,680 - JUST DON'T GIVE UP ON ME, OKAY? 708 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,750 I'M STILL ME. 709 00:27:16,790 --> 00:27:20,920 WE'RE STILL US. 710 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,930 - GOOD NIGHT, HANK. 711 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,360 - GOOD NIGHT. 712 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:37,310 - * AND I'LL BE DOWN AGAIN 713 00:27:37,340 --> 00:27:45,280 * 52407

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