All language subtitles for Californication S05E04 Waiting for the Miracle

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:10,230 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,160 - I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU SEE US BECOMING. 3 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,730 - I ENJOY THE CASUAL NATURE OF THINGS. 4 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,330 I'M A CASUAL GUY. 5 00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:16,670 - ASSHOLE. 6 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:18,800 I'VE GOT KIND OF A BUNNY BOILER SITUATION HAPPENING, 7 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,140 SHE'S GOT A KEY TO MY PLACE. 8 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,470 WOW. 9 00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:22,470 - WHO DAT? 10 00:00:22,510 --> 00:00:24,710 - MY APARTMENT'S ON FIRE. 11 00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:26,710 - I JUST GOT FIRED. - HEY. 12 00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:28,610 ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A NEW GIG? 13 00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:33,280 I'M LONELY, I LONG FOR COMPANIONSHIP. 14 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,420 YOU LIKE THAT? 15 00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:36,290 - OH... - TELL ME YOU LIKE IT. 16 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:37,720 - NO, CHARLIE, I WON'T TELL YOU THAT 17 00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:39,390 AND I DON'T LIKE IT. 18 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:41,590 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RELATE TO REAL WOMEN ANYMORE. 19 00:00:41,630 --> 00:00:43,330 - CLEARLY. 20 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,730 I AM YOUR CHILD'S NANNY, WHICH MAKES THIS WHOLE THING 21 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:46,600 PRETTY INAPPROPRIATE. 22 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,200 - RIGHT. 23 00:00:48,230 --> 00:00:50,470 - HEY, TYLER. 24 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,300 - THIS--THIS IS-- THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 25 00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:53,400 THIS IS MY SISTER. 26 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,770 - YOU WILL TELL HER THAT YOU ARE A LYING, CHEATING, 27 00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,440 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MAN-WHORE. 28 00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:58,680 YOU HEAR ME? - I HEAR YOU. 29 00:00:58,710 --> 00:00:59,840 - HE WAS CHEATING ON HER, HANK. 30 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,350 - YOU'RE KIDDING. 31 00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:04,410 - HE FESSED UP TO BEING A LYING, CHEATING, 32 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:08,490 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MAN-WHORE. 33 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,090 - WOW. 34 00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:20,830 [cell phone text alert] 35 00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:29,870 [cell phone text alert] 36 00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:31,240 - YOU'RE BLOWIN' UP. 37 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,240 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 38 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:33,480 - YOU'RE A FUCKIN' PIMP! 39 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,580 - OH, YEAH, BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY. 40 00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:36,710 IT'S THAT CHICK FROM NEW YORK, 41 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:37,680 THE BUNNY BOILER. 42 00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:39,380 - THE ONE WHO SET YOUR APARTMENT ON FIRE? 43 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:40,720 - YEAH, YEAH, CARRIE. 44 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,450 THE VERY SAME. 45 00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:43,250 SHE SAID SHE WAS JUST BURNING ALL MY FIRST EDITIONS, 46 00:01:43,290 --> 00:01:44,720 BUT IT GOT A LITTLE OUT OF CONTROL. 47 00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,320 - UNDERSTANDABLE. 48 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,390 THESE THINGS HAPPEN. SHE STILL PISSED AT YOU? 49 00:01:48,430 --> 00:01:49,730 - NO, NOT SO MUCH. 50 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,600 IT'S ALL SWEET TALK AND SEXTING NOW. 51 00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:53,460 SHE'S HERE ON BUSINESS AND WANTS TO SEE ME. 52 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:54,900 - ARE YOU GONNA DO IT? 53 00:01:54,930 --> 00:01:57,430 - HELLS TO THE NO. SHE'S A PSYCHO. 54 00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:59,200 AWFULLY WONDERFUL IN THE BOUDOIR, THOUGH. 55 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,510 THAT'S WHY I KEPT IT GOING LONG AFTER THE EXPIRATION DATE. 56 00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:03,840 - WHAT WAS SO WONDERFUL ABOUT IT? 57 00:02:03,870 --> 00:02:06,340 - JUST THE ENTHUSIASM, REALLY. 58 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:09,480 YOU KNOW, IT WAS AS IF THE ACT ITSELF WAS REJUVENATING TO HER. 59 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:12,780 IT WAS AS IF SHE WERE DYING OF THIRST AND MY COCK 60 00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:14,450 WAS THE FOUNTAIN OF EVERLASTING YOUTH. 61 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,420 - MM, MUST BE NICE. 62 00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:18,190 I DON'T THINK A WOMAN HAS EVER LOOKED AT MY DICK 63 00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:19,890 LIKE IT OFFERED HEALTH BENEFITS OF ANY KIND. 64 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,660 [cell phone text alert] 65 00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:23,530 - AW, SHIT. 66 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,430 SHE SAYS SHE'S GOT A SURPRISE FOR ME. 67 00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,530 - [chuckles] MAYBE SHE KILLED KAREN AND BECCA. 68 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,370 HA! 69 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,270 - I'M NOT SURE THAT'S FUNNY, CHARLIE. 70 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:33,840 - I'M SORRY, SOMETIMES I FORGET WHERE THE LINE IS. 71 00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:35,940 [doorbell rings] - NO. 72 00:02:35,970 --> 00:02:38,280 NO FUCKING WAY, RIGHT? 73 00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:39,340 - YOU TELL HER WHERE YOU WERE STAYING? 74 00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:40,880 - NO. - THEN YOU'RE ALL GOOD. 75 00:02:56,930 --> 00:02:57,860 - SURPRISE! - OH, GEEZ! 76 00:02:57,890 --> 00:02:59,830 - MMMMMM! 77 00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:00,900 - MM...OOH... 78 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,000 HO-HO-HO! 79 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,000 - [laughs] 80 00:03:03,030 --> 00:03:04,970 - HI. - HI. 81 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,400 - HOW DID YOU-- - I TRACKED YOUR iPHONE, SILLY. 82 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,510 - UNH! 83 00:03:08,540 --> 00:03:09,870 - REMEMBER I FIGURED OUT YOUR PASSWORD THAT ONE TIME. 84 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:10,940 - OH, RIGHT. 85 00:03:10,970 --> 00:03:12,910 YEAH, THAT ONE TIME. 86 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,680 - OKAY. 87 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:16,580 ARE WE REALLY JUST GONNA STAND HERE WITH THE CHIT-CHAT 88 00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:18,680 WHEN WE COULD BE FUCKING EACH OTHER'S BRAINS OUT? 89 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,490 [upbeat music] 90 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:29,460 * 91 00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:06,730 [seagulls calling] 92 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:14,540 - [passionate moans] 93 00:04:14,570 --> 00:04:17,440 JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. 94 00:04:17,470 --> 00:04:19,080 I THINK YOU JUST ADDED SEVEN YEARS TO MY LIFE. 95 00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:20,310 OH, THAT'S MY GIFT. 96 00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:21,980 - OH! - I FUCK IN DOG YEARS. 97 00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:27,020 - OH, IT JUST FITS SO NICELY INSIDE THERE. 98 00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:29,550 - HEY, I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE A PLASTER CAST OF YOUR DICK 99 00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:30,790 AND THEN MAKE A DILDO FROM IT. 100 00:04:30,820 --> 00:04:32,390 - THAT'S CRAZY. - MM-HM. 101 00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:33,620 - AND FLATTERING. 102 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:34,960 AND NOT SO TERRIBLE AN IDEA. 103 00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:36,330 MAYBE YOU COULD MAKE AN EXTRA ONE FOR ME? 104 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,190 I COULD FUCK CHARLIE WITH IT. 105 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:39,330 - OH, MY BODY RESPONDS TO YOU, HANK. 106 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,770 IT DOES THINGS MY BRAIN SAYS IT SHOULDN'T. 107 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,400 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 108 00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:45,340 MY BRAIN CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SLEPT WITH AN ARSONIST. 109 00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:47,470 - YEAH. - A BOOK BURNER TO BOOT. 110 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,640 AM I THAT MUCH A SLAVE TO MY FLESHY MASSAH? 111 00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:51,380 - NO, IT'S ME. 112 00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:53,840 ONCE YOU ENTERED ME THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. 113 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,050 I BOUGHT THE TICKET, I TOOK THE RIDE. 114 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,650 - I NEVER KNOW IF WE'RE SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY OR NOT, 115 00:04:58,680 --> 00:04:59,650 IT'S EXHAUSTING. 116 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,050 - I KNOW, I'M EXHAUSTED TOO. 117 00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:03,690 YOU JUST FUCKED ME SOMETHING PROPER. 118 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,460 I THINK YOU JUST ADDED SEVEN YEARS TO MY LIFE. 119 00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,560 - YOU SAID THAT ALREADY. - I DID? 120 00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:08,830 - MM-HM. - OH. 121 00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:10,890 I'M SO DRUNK ON COCK. 122 00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,400 - YOU'RE INSANE, YOU KNOW THAT? 123 00:05:12,430 --> 00:05:13,560 - WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO NEW YORK? 124 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,860 - I DON'T KNOW. 125 00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,370 I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS WACKY SCREENWRITING GIG 126 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,700 AND MY DAUGHTER'S ALL DISTRAUGHT ABOUT HER ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND 127 00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:21,740 AND THAT MIGHT BE ALL MY FAULT. 128 00:05:21,770 --> 00:05:22,940 SO IT COULD BE A WHILE. - OKAY, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. 129 00:05:22,970 --> 00:05:24,610 I GOT OFFERED A JOB HERE, A GOOD ONE. 130 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,510 AND I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE IT. 131 00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:29,950 [doorbell rings] 132 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,720 JESUS SAVES. - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 133 00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:33,450 DON'T GET IT, FUCK ME AGAIN! STAY HERE, FUCK ME AGAIN! 134 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,550 AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! 135 00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:36,020 - YOU DON'T WANNA LIVE FOREVER, DO YOU? 136 00:05:41,490 --> 00:05:43,930 - HI! - HI. 137 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,760 SO WE'RE OFF TO NEPTUNE'S NET. - OH! 138 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,830 - FOR SOME HEARTBREAK COMFORT FOOD. 139 00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:48,630 - UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH. - MY HEART IS HUNGRY. 140 00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:51,670 - AW, SWEETIE. - CARE TO JOIN US, PA-PA? 141 00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,570 - YES, YES, THAT'S A GOOD-- LET'S GO, COME ON. 142 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,610 - DO YOU WANNA PUT ON SOME PANTS? 143 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:59,080 - IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF WANT, KAREN, IT'S A QUESTION OF TIME. 144 00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:00,780 COME ON, LAST ONE TO THE CAR HAS A ROTTEN CROTCH. 145 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:03,550 - HI. - HI. 146 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:08,020 - AREN'T YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE US, DAD? 147 00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,820 - THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, BECCA. - AW. 148 00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:10,890 - AND HER MOTHER, KAREN. 149 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,660 - OH, THE FAMOUS KAREN. 150 00:06:12,690 --> 00:06:15,430 - OH, FAMOUS? - IN SOME CIRCLES. 151 00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:18,900 - UM, NICE TO MEET YOU. 152 00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:20,130 - CARRIE. 153 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,670 - CAR--CARRIE, FROM NEW YORK. 154 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,200 - MM-HM, YEAH. 155 00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:27,470 - I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T FORGET. I WAS JUST DISTRACTED. 156 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,510 I WAS QUIETLY PRAYING FOR AN EARTHQUAKE. 157 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:31,170 - HANK, THIS IS SO NOT A BIG DEAL. 158 00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,540 I'M MARRIED. - OH. 159 00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:34,680 - AND BECCA, SHE'S AN ADULT NOW, SO... 160 00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:36,510 - THIS IS NOTHING. 161 00:06:36,550 --> 00:06:37,880 I'VE SEEN SOME SHIT. 162 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:40,020 - YES--YES, SHE'S SEEN SOME SHIT. 163 00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:41,120 - WE ASSUME YOU'RE OUT THERE DATING. 164 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,120 - OH, NO, WE'RE NOT DATING. 165 00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:43,620 - YEAH, RIGHT. WHAT SHE SAID. 166 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:45,820 - NO, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT HANK'S DAMAGED. 167 00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:47,060 - YEAH. - BROKEN, REALLY. 168 00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:48,120 - MM-HM. - OLD DOG, NO NEW TRICKS. 169 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:49,790 - [laughs] - YOU KNOW WHAT? 170 00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:53,000 YOU GUYS, YOU SHOULD COME OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT. 171 00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:54,700 - OH, NO. - YES, WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE. 172 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:55,770 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE CELEBRATING. 173 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:56,930 - DOESN'T MATTER, NOT GONNA DO IT. 174 00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:59,040 - STU HAS OPTIONED RICHARD'S NEW NOVEL. 175 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,540 - OH, WELL, WHOOP-DEE-DOO, KAREN. 176 00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:02,040 YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE CELEBRATING 177 00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:03,240 OTHER WRITERS' SUCCESSES. 178 00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:05,210 SCHADENFREUDE, BABY. 179 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,740 - COME ON, MARCY AND STU WILL BE THERE. 180 00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:08,180 IT'S GONNA BE FUN. - OR NOT. 181 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,850 [whispers] HELP ME. - [whispers] NO. 182 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,520 - YOU KNOW, UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE TO HAVE DRINKS 183 00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:14,080 WITH A FRIEND OF A FRIEND, IT'S SORT OF A "DATE SITCH." 184 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,720 - OH, YOU SEE THAT? 185 00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:16,720 SHE HAS TO MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE. 186 00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:20,060 - NO, BUT I WOULD MUCH RATHER DO THIS, YEAH. 187 00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:23,060 [upbeat music] 188 00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:24,860 * 189 00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:25,900 - I'M SO EXCITED. 190 00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:27,500 I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS. 191 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,070 - OH, YEAH, THEY'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS. 192 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,630 I WOULDN'T DESCRIBE THEM AS-- MORE LIKE 193 00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:32,740 A BUNCH OF VERY ENTERTAINING NARCISSISTS. 194 00:07:32,770 --> 00:07:34,200 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE L.A. 195 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,210 I DO. I COULD PICTURE MYSELF BEING HERE. 196 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,910 - NO. - YES. 197 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,740 - YOU DON'T WANNA COME HERE AND BECOME A CUNTY GYM FACE. 198 00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:41,850 YEAH, ONE OF THOSE GIRLS THAT COMES OUT TO L.A., 199 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:42,880 JOINS THE GYM, GETS ADDICTED, 200 00:07:42,910 --> 00:07:43,680 AND THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW 201 00:07:43,710 --> 00:07:45,580 THEY'RE... 202 00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:48,720 - OH! [laughs] 203 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,990 YOU'RE FUNNY. - I HAVE MY MOMENTS. 204 00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:54,260 - WE HAVE FUN. WE'RE SO GOOD TOGETHER, HANK. 205 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,930 - WE HAVE OUR MOMENTS. - HEY, HEY, HEY. 206 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,560 HEY, YOU NEVER, UH... 207 00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:58,390 YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING, BY THE WAY. 208 00:07:58,430 --> 00:08:00,960 - ABOUT? - ABOUT MY JOB OPPORTUNITY. 209 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,230 - OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 210 00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:04,170 I THINK YOU'VE GOT A GREAT JOB 211 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,970 IN THE PUBLISHING CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. 212 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,200 WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THAT? 213 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,740 - OH, BECAUSE BUSINESS IS CHANGING. 214 00:08:08,770 --> 00:08:09,570 PRINT IS DEAD, YADDA-YADDA-YADDA. 215 00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:10,840 - OH. 216 00:08:10,870 --> 00:08:12,640 - BESIDES, I COULD BE CLOSER TO THIS. 217 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:13,840 [unzips zipper] 218 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,210 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 219 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,550 I MEAN, I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 220 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,680 I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH IT. 221 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,150 - I THINK I MIGHT BE GOING STRAIGHT TO BLOWJOB CITY. 222 00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,590 - OH, THAT FAR? - YEAH. 223 00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:22,420 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? 224 00:08:22,450 --> 00:08:25,690 - WELL, MY EYES, THEY SAY NO, BUT... 225 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,760 MY DICK, HE SAYS "YEAH, I COULD EAT." 226 00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:30,290 OOH, I REALLY... 227 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:31,860 I THINK WE NEED TO EXAMINE 228 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,060 WHAT YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS THING. 229 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,130 [car honking] 230 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,130 - HEY... 231 00:08:38,170 --> 00:08:41,710 - HANK! 232 00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:44,270 HI, YOU MUST BE CARRIE. 233 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,180 - SO... 234 00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:52,820 AM I GONNA LIKE THIS GAL OR WHAT? 235 00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:54,320 - SHE'S VERY NICE. 236 00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:57,020 - OKAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, "SHE'S VERY NICE--" 237 00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:59,160 - MM-HM. - SOUNDS LIKE A WEIGHT PROBLEM. 238 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,320 - YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO MEET SOMEONE NICE. 239 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,230 YOU SAID A NORMAL WOMAN. 240 00:09:03,260 --> 00:09:05,030 AND SHE IS THE NICEST, MOST NORMAL WOMAN I KNOW 241 00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,600 IN ALL OF LOS ANGELES. 242 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,070 - OKAY, OKAY, I JUST-- I HATE BLIND DATES. 243 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:11,330 - THE WORST. - I COULD STAY HOME. 244 00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:13,770 HEY, WE COULD WATCH A MOVIE OR SOMETHING. 245 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,270 - INAPPROPRIATE, CHARLIE. 246 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,740 - RIGHT, THAT. - MM-HM. 247 00:09:16,770 --> 00:09:18,740 YES, THAT. 248 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,610 - YOU DIDN'T TELL HER ABOUT MY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, 249 00:09:21,650 --> 00:09:23,180 DID YOU? 250 00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:26,650 - YES, I TOLD HER THAT YOU SHOVED YOUR HAND UP MY SKIRT 251 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,750 AND STARTED TALKING LIKE A SEXUAL DEVIANT. 252 00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:29,790 - WHAT DID SHE SAY? 253 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,020 - I'M KIDDING, CHARLIE. 254 00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:34,720 I WAS TRYING TO TALK YOU UP, NOT HAVE YOU ARRESTED. 255 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,130 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 256 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,390 SO, UH, IF STEWART WAKES UP-- - I'VE GOT IT COVERED. 257 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:39,760 I'VE GOT THE TOUCH. - YES, YOU DO. 258 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,100 - MM-HM. - OKAY. 259 00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:44,100 ANY ADVICE? 260 00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:47,300 - JUST BE YOURSELF, CHARLIE. 261 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:52,110 AND WHO IS THAT, EXACTLY? 262 00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:55,880 [indistinct conversation] 263 00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,410 - I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST 264 00:09:57,450 --> 00:10:00,080 TO THE BRAVEST, MOST EROTIC BOOK 265 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,690 I HAVE EVER READ. 266 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,420 BLOOD MOUNTAIN, BY RICHARD BATES. 267 00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:05,790 - EH-EH-EH-EH- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID 268 00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:07,420 ABOUT FUCKING & PUNCHING, WORD FOR WORD. 269 00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:09,930 - AND I MEANT IT, HANK. - AW! 270 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,030 - NO, I DID. I DID. 271 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,660 IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS TRUE. 272 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,060 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, HERE'S TO BENDING OVER AND TAKING IT. 273 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,430 HOLLYWOOD STYLE. - OH, MY GOD. 274 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:19,940 AND THIS FROM THE 19TH WRITER ON SANTA MONICA COP. 275 00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:22,870 - AAH, DOUCHE, MY FRIEND, DOUCHE. 276 00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:24,740 - KISS ME, YOU SUPERCILIOUS FUCK. 277 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:27,240 - SO CARRIE, I HAVE TO ASK. - YES, KAREN. 278 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,310 - HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO NAIL DOWN HANK FOR-- 279 00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:31,280 IT'S A YEAR, RIGHT? - ALMOST A YEAR, YEAH. 280 00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,880 YEAH, WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO SAY IT WAS ME, 281 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,050 BUT I THINK IT WAS THE SEX. 282 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,380 - AHEM. 283 00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,290 - HE UNLEASHED SOMETHING IN ME, YOU KNOW? 284 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,920 SOMETHING PRIMAL. 285 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,060 BEFORE HANK, IT WAS JUST ME AND THAT LITTLE PINK RABBIT. 286 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:42,790 - YEAH, WHERE IS THAT PINK RABBIT TODAY? 287 00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:44,390 - SEX TOYS. 288 00:10:44,430 --> 00:10:45,360 WHAT'S THE CONSENSUS? - OH, MY GOD. 289 00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:46,360 - I LOVE THEM. 290 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,700 - COULD WE JUST PRETEND TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS 291 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,270 OR THE ENVIRONMENT OR-- AND THEN, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, 292 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,070 END UP WITH SEX? 293 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,300 - KAREN, KAREN, WE'RE ALL GROWN-UPS HERE. 294 00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:57,040 - NO, WE'RE NOT. - KAREN HATES TALKING ABOUT SEX. 295 00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:59,210 SHE AIN'T GONNA DO IT. - I DO NOT. 296 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,280 - OKAY, YOU GUYS WANNA SEE SOMETHING? 297 00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:02,410 HERE WE GO. 298 00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:03,410 SEX. 299 00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:04,410 - NO. 300 00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:06,050 - VAGINA. PUSSY. 301 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,850 - AAH! - BIG HAIRY PUSSY! 302 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,790 [laughter] 303 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,790 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I USED TO BE THAT WAY. 304 00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:13,090 I DID. I WAS REALLY CLOSED OFF. 305 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,760 I WAS BORDERLINE FRIGID, ACTUALLY. 306 00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:17,230 - OH. - [groans] 307 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,800 - NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT SAYING-- BUT HANK, HE OPENED ME UP. 308 00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:21,360 - HE DOES--YES, YEAH. - HE DID. 309 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,930 EMOTIONALLY AND CREATIVELY. - YUP, YEAH, THAT'S ME. 310 00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,470 THE EMOTIONAL SAFECRACKER. 311 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,800 - WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, 312 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:28,840 I FIND KAREN TO BE... 313 00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:30,510 - [whispers] SHUT UP. 314 00:11:30,540 --> 00:11:31,310 - EASILY THE MOST SEXUAL WOMAN I'VE EVER HAD 315 00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,010 THE GOOD FORTUNE TO COPULATE WITH. 316 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,910 - HOLY CRAP. - WOW, WELL, THAT'S-- 317 00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:36,080 - SHE'S QUITE FEROCIOUS, ACTUALLY. 318 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:37,380 LIKE A LIONESS. 319 00:11:37,410 --> 00:11:39,450 - I WANNA GO AND PUT MY HEAD IN THE OVEN. 320 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,850 - WILL YOU SAVE ROOM FOR ME? 321 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,820 [laughter] 322 00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:46,290 - THE REASON I BROUGHT THIS UP WAS BECAUSE I LIKE THE TOYS. 323 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,820 - MM. - MARCIE NOT SO MUCH. 324 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,160 - OH. 325 00:11:49,190 --> 00:11:50,960 - IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE THEM, OKAY? 326 00:11:50,990 --> 00:11:53,300 IT'S JUST THAT THE NOISE TAKES ME OUT OF THE GAME. 327 00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:55,060 IT'S THAT... [imitates buzzing] 328 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:56,070 OR... [humming] 329 00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,330 WHATEVER. - [laughs] 330 00:11:57,370 --> 00:12:01,970 - OKAY, SO I TRIED TO CONTROL THE NOISE FACTOR 331 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:05,240 BY SUGGESTING THAT PERHAPS WE INCORPORATE SOMETHING QUIETER. 332 00:12:05,270 --> 00:12:06,910 DILDO, PERHAPS. 333 00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:09,010 UH, SHE BALKS. 334 00:12:09,050 --> 00:12:12,120 - BABY, WHY WOULD I NEED A DILDO WHEN I HAVE YOU? 335 00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:14,180 - WELL, THAT'S NICE. - THAT'S CRAZY. 336 00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:16,490 I MEAN, BACK IN THE RUNKLE ERA, HOWEVER... 337 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,260 [laughter] 338 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:22,090 I REALLY COULD HAVE PROBABLY BENEFITTED FROM SOMETHING 339 00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:24,560 WITH SOME GIRTH, SOME-- JUST FOLD IT OVER 340 00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:26,800 A COUPLE OF TIMES, SOMETHING! 341 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:27,530 - DON'T SPEAK ILL OF MY BOY WHEN HE'S NOT HERE 342 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:28,970 TO DEFEND HIMSELF. 343 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,530 INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN DIMINUTIVE. 344 00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:31,870 THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY. 345 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,200 - YOU FILL ME UP, BABY. 346 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,200 - THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT HANK. 347 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,040 - OH, JESUS. - HE FILLS ME UP. 348 00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:40,180 - CARRIE, COME ON, JUST-- - WHAT? WE'RE TALKING. 349 00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:42,210 WE'RE ALL TALKING FRANKLY ABOUT SEX. 350 00:12:42,250 --> 00:12:43,580 - YES, BUT IT'S NOT ENCOUNTER GROUP. 351 00:12:43,610 --> 00:12:45,950 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK QUITE SO FRANKLY. 352 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,320 - THAT'S ALL RIGHT, CARRIE, I'LL TALK FRANKLY ABOUT SEX. 353 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,320 YEAH, I'LL TALK FRANKLY ABOUT DILDOS. 354 00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:50,420 I'M NO STRANGER. 355 00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:52,590 A MAN'S ANUS IS AN EROGENOUS ZONE. 356 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,160 - OH, MY GOD. 357 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,260 - THERE'S CERTAINLY NOTHING GAY ABOUT 358 00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:56,460 HAVING ONE'S PROSTATE STIMULATED. 359 00:12:56,490 --> 00:12:57,490 - OH, IS THAT RIGHT? 360 00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,100 SOUNDS PRETTY GAY TO ME, BATESY. 361 00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:00,200 SOUNDS ABOUT AS GAY AS TOM HANKS 362 00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:02,070 IN A WHITE SAILOR'S OUTFIT. 363 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,570 - I DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY, HANK. 364 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,840 - YOU'VE INSERTED A DILDO INTO THIS MAN'S GAPING BUNGHOLE? 365 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,540 - OH, YOU KNOW ME. 366 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:09,910 [laughter] 367 00:13:09,940 --> 00:13:10,940 - I DON'T KNOW IF I'M PROUD OF YOU 368 00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:13,110 OR ASHAMED OR JUST SAD FOR HUMANITY 369 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,480 OR MAYBE ALL THREE, I DON'T KNOW. 370 00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:16,510 - IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN, NO SHE HASN'T. 371 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:17,610 SHE'S NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT. 372 00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:19,420 - THANK YOU. 373 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:20,420 - AND I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ANYTHING MY BRIDE'S 374 00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:22,120 NOT COMFORTABLE WITH. 375 00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:23,590 - THAT'S NICE, THAT'S NICE. - OH, THAT'S NICE. 376 00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:25,150 - BESIDES, THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 377 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:27,490 BOUNDARIES WERE PRETTY BLURRY BACK THEN. 378 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,360 - OH, YEAH, THAT WAS THE GAY '90s, HUH? 379 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,330 - [whispering] WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 380 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,260 - IT SEEMS LIKE IT WAS RAINING COCK BACK THEN, WAS IT? 381 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,530 - HEY, I WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU. 382 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,900 I WOULD STIMULATE YOUR PROSTATE WITH PRIDE AND ZERO PREJUDICE. 383 00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:39,570 - THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF YOU, THANK YOU. 384 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,470 - OH, COME ON, HANK. YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIMENTED? 385 00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,340 NO CIRCLE JERKS? NO TOWEL SNAPPING INCIDENTS? 386 00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:47,180 SWORD FIGHTS, PERHAPS? - [laughs] 387 00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:50,180 - * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 388 00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:54,250 * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 389 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,190 * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA * 390 00:13:57,220 --> 00:14:00,660 * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 391 00:14:00,690 --> 00:14:03,930 * YOU'VE GOT YOUR MOTHER IN A WHIRL * 392 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,430 * 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT SURE IF YOU'RE A BOY OR A GIRL * 393 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:06,500 - THAT WAS A PRETTY BIG ONE. 394 00:14:06,530 --> 00:14:08,200 - HM? WHAT? 395 00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,200 - THAT SILENCE. 396 00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:12,670 THAT INCREDIBLY AWKWARD SILENCE. 397 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,300 IT'S OUR THIRD OF THE NIGHT, YOU KNOW? 398 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:15,500 - REALLY? 399 00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:18,410 UH, I WASN'T COUNTING. 400 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,410 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 401 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,380 I REALLY THINK AWKWARD SILENCES GET A BAD RAP. 402 00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:27,450 BECAUSE, UH, WHO REALLY HAS THAT MUCH TO SAY? 403 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,290 - DON'T WORRY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE EXCUSES. 404 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:30,690 I'M SURE IT'S MY FAULT. - DON'T BE SILLY. 405 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,090 - I'M NOT BEING SILLY. 406 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,190 I JUST-- I'M OUT OF PRACTICE. 407 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:36,460 I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT ON A PROPER DATE 408 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:38,130 IN A LONG TIME. 409 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,330 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 410 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,000 - WELL, HE TOOK ME TO MEDIEVAL TIMES, 411 00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:42,930 BUT THE GUY WAS A LITTLE HANDSY. 412 00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:45,200 I MEAN, HE JUST KEPT PUTTING HIS HAND UP MY SKIRT 413 00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:47,570 DURING THE JOUSTING, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE. 414 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,940 IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU EAT WITH YOUR HANDS. 415 00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:53,340 AND HE'D BEEN REALLY FINGERING HIS CHICKEN. 416 00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:54,340 - OKAY. 417 00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:56,050 [laughter] 418 00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:03,390 - FOUR AND COUNTING. 419 00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:07,460 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, LOOK, WE CAN JUST EITHER, 420 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:11,060 YOU KNOW, CASH IN OUR CHIPS, GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS RIGHT NOW, 421 00:15:11,090 --> 00:15:14,230 OR WE CAN DECIDE TO POWER THROUGH 422 00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:16,170 AND FIND SOME COMMON GROUND. 423 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,530 I'M GAME IF YOU'RE GAME. - SURE! 424 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:19,200 - WHAT DO YOU SAY? - YEAH, I'M GAME. 425 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,010 I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT, CHARLIE. - OKAY. 426 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,970 SO HOW DO YOU KNOW LIZZIE? 427 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,440 - SHE'S IN MY BOOK CLUB. 428 00:15:25,470 --> 00:15:27,740 - AWESOME! BOOKS! EXCELLENT TOPIC. 429 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,110 NICELY DONE. - THANK YOU. 430 00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:30,510 - HOW DO YOU LIKE TO READ THESE DAYS? 431 00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:32,980 DIGITAL AGE AND WHAT NOT? NOOK? iPAD? 432 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,180 - I'M A NOOK GIRL! 433 00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:36,020 - OKAY, WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT AN iPAD GUY. 434 00:15:36,050 --> 00:15:37,250 WHAT ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? 435 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:39,590 WHAT IS ON YOUR VIRTUAL BOOKSHELF? 436 00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:42,160 - OH, UH, BLOOD MOUNTAIN, BY RICHARD BATES. 437 00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,360 HAVE YOU READ IT? OH, MY GOD. 438 00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:44,460 IT IS SO DIRTY. 439 00:15:44,490 --> 00:15:47,530 - I SOLD THE FILM RIGHTS. 440 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,500 - YOU'RE SHITTING ME. 441 00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,100 - YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK WE'RE LOOKING AT RIGHT HERE, MARY? 442 00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:53,140 I THINK IT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING THEY CALL... 443 00:15:53,170 --> 00:15:54,640 COMMON GROUND. 444 00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:56,010 UP HIGH. - OH! 445 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,610 MY HANDS ARE A LITTLE SWEATY. 446 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,780 - YOU KNOW THAT THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE 447 00:15:59,810 --> 00:16:02,080 IS ONLY 2 1/2 MINUTES. 448 00:16:02,110 --> 00:16:03,680 - YEAH, WELL, THAT MEANS NOTHING WHEN YOU'RE TANTRIC. 449 00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:05,080 - I'M WORKING ON THAT. 450 00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:06,480 - WELL, IT'S A LONG JOURNEY, MY FRIEND. 451 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,080 - MM. 452 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:08,920 - WELL WORTH IT IN THE END. 453 00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:10,250 - LOOK, AFTER A COUPLE OF DECADES 454 00:16:10,290 --> 00:16:11,790 WITH PRIMA-CHARLIE, ANYTHING LONGER 455 00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:13,760 THAN A RAMONES SONG SEEMS LIKE TANTRIC SEX TO ME. 456 00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:15,360 - [laughs] 457 00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:16,790 - I HADN'T RELEASED A BATCH IN 14 YEARS. 458 00:16:16,830 --> 00:16:19,260 - EW! - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 459 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:20,260 - NOTHING. 460 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,030 IT HAPPENS ON THE INSIDE. TELL THEM, KAREN. 461 00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:25,500 - I CAN'T--OH, MY GOD. - SHE WAS INSULTED AT FIRST. 462 00:16:25,530 --> 00:16:26,740 THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG. 463 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:29,240 BUT GOD DAMN IT, SHE WASN'T. SHE WAS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. 464 00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:30,310 - CHECK PLEASE. 465 00:16:30,340 --> 00:16:32,540 - I MEAN, SHE WAS MAKING ME EXPLODE, BUT UP HERE. 466 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,680 - MM-HM. - YEAH. 467 00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:35,340 - EW. 468 00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:37,510 - WHEN WE MAKE LOVE IT IS LIKE A FOURTH OF JULY 469 00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:40,680 FIREWORKS DISPLAY IN THE SCREENING ROOM THAT IS MY MIND. 470 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,550 - I DON'T GET THIS WHOLE TANTRIC SEX DEALIO. 471 00:16:42,590 --> 00:16:45,550 SEX SHOULD HAVE A VERY STRICT THREE-ACT STRUCTURE. 472 00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:46,760 BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END. 473 00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:49,690 MAYBE A THIRD ACT TWIST THROWN IN THERE FOR GOOD MEASURE. 474 00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:51,360 - WELL, LISTEN, HANK IS AN INCREDIBLE LOVER. 475 00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,060 - OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, CARRIE. COME ON. 476 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,530 - [laughs] - I'M FINE WITH IT. 477 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,530 - SHE KNOWS. - OH. 478 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,130 - NO, YOU AND KAREN HAD A TREMENDOUS SEX LIFE. 479 00:16:58,170 --> 00:16:59,540 - WHAT? I NEVER SAID THAT. 480 00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:00,800 - I'M GLAD SHE WAS FULFILLED IN THAT WAY. 481 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,240 A BLIND MAN COULD SEE IT. 482 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,470 IF IT SETS THE BAR HIGHER FOR ME, 483 00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:05,170 SO MUCH THE BETTER. 484 00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:07,410 THERE'S NO RESTING ON ONE'S LAURELS IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. 485 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,080 OR IN THAT BEDROOM. - I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING. 486 00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,520 MY MAN IS A PRETTY FABULOUS FUCKING LOVER. 487 00:17:12,550 --> 00:17:14,280 I JUST-- I GOTTA PUT THAT OUT THERE. 488 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,720 WE'RE SHARING. I LOVE YOU. 489 00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:17,550 - YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TELL YA-- 490 00:17:17,590 --> 00:17:18,790 I COULD EAT THIS WOMAN FOR DESSERT. 491 00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,290 - AW! 492 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,190 - CAN WE STOP WITH ALL THIS LOVER BULLSHIT? 493 00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:23,730 THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT. 494 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,590 THE NEXT THING I KNOW ONE OF YOU FREAKS 495 00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:29,570 IS GONNA SUGGEST GROUP SEX. 496 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,240 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 497 00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:34,700 - MM. - MM--CHARLIE. 498 00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:36,210 - MM? YEAH? 499 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:36,810 - I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 500 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,240 - NO, I KNOW, I KNOW. 501 00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,680 IT UNHOOKS IN THE FRONT. 502 00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:40,740 I ALWAYS GET IT MIXED UP. 503 00:17:40,780 --> 00:17:42,410 - NO, NO, NOT THAT. 504 00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:44,480 NO, IT'S JUST-- UH, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. 505 00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,620 - OH, I'M SO SORRY. IT'S OKAY, I'M NOT JUDGING YOU. 506 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:47,850 - NO. 507 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:48,880 MM--NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 508 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,520 I-- 509 00:17:50,550 --> 00:17:52,720 I'M A VIRGIN. 510 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,420 - WHAT? 511 00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:55,820 - I'VE NEVER HAD SEX. 512 00:17:55,860 --> 00:17:57,290 - NEVER? 513 00:17:57,330 --> 00:17:58,390 EVER? 514 00:17:58,430 --> 00:18:00,830 - OKAY, WELL... 515 00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:04,530 I LET MY FRIEND LINDSAY FINGER ME IN SEVENTH GRADE. 516 00:18:04,570 --> 00:18:07,200 AND IT WAS NOT NEARLY AS HOT AS IT SOUNDS. 517 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:11,370 I MEAN, UH, SHE WAS MORBIDLY OBESE AND SMELLED LIKE 518 00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:13,740 MCDONALD'S FRENCH FRIES. 519 00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,250 SHE ALSO FARTED IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. 520 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,250 - WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. 521 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,350 - NO, OH, NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. 522 00:18:19,380 --> 00:18:20,680 NO, I WANNA DO THIS. 523 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,850 I'VE BEEN SITTING AROUND WAITING FOR MR. RIGHT 524 00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:28,160 AND I JUST WANT A MR. RIGHT NOW TO DEFLOWER ME. 525 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,560 AND LOOK, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, CHARLIE, 526 00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:31,590 THAT'S YOU. 527 00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:35,430 OH, I WANT YOU TO BE THE FIRST MAN ON MY MOON. 528 00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:39,200 I DON'T WANNA DIE A SMELLY, STINKY OLD VIRGIN CREATURE. 529 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,340 - YOU DON'T SEEM THAT STINKY. 530 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:44,240 - THANK YOU. OOH. 531 00:18:44,270 --> 00:18:45,770 - OKAY, THIS IS REALLY A LOT TO PROCESS. 532 00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:48,180 I JUST--I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS. 533 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,580 - OKAY, WELL, I UNDERSTAND 534 00:18:49,610 --> 00:18:50,650 IF YOU DON'T WANNA DO IT. 535 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,720 LOOK, I-- 536 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:55,350 I JUST--I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. 537 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,250 I WAITED AROUND FOR PRINCE CHARMING FOREVER... 538 00:18:57,290 --> 00:18:59,220 - YEAH, WELL. - AND HE NEVER SHOWED. 539 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,560 - YEAH. - I HAVE NEEDS, CHARLIE. 540 00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:03,530 - SURE. - DESIRES. 541 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,390 I'M NOT A PRUDE. 542 00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:08,730 YEAH, I'LL-- I'LL DO THINGS. 543 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,500 DIRTY THINGS. 544 00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:17,710 - YOU'RE BLOWING MY MIND RIGHT NOW. 545 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,340 - RAVAGE ME, CHARLIE! RAVAGE ME! 546 00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:22,980 OOH! OOH! 547 00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:24,910 OH, WOW. 548 00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:28,280 [passionate moans] 549 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,520 - UNH! - OH! 550 00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:31,350 OH, THERE YOU ARE. 551 00:19:31,390 --> 00:19:32,990 [British accent] KNOCKING AT MY DOOR! 552 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,060 - UNH! 553 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,530 - I CAN SEE THAT THE KING HAS SENT YOU, MY LIEGE, 554 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,330 TO COLLECT MY HYMEN AND I SHALL BEQUEATH IT TO YOU! 555 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,660 OH, WOW! 556 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,630 THAT FEELS GOOD! - UNH! 557 00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:44,830 - OH, ENTREZ VOUS! - UNH! 558 00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:47,340 - PUSH IT IN! GO GET IT! GO AND DON'T BE AFRAID. 559 00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:49,340 - UNH! - AH! 560 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:51,340 WHA--WHAT'S HAPPENING? 561 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:53,740 WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LITTLE--? 562 00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:56,910 OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO ME. 563 00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:57,780 I MEAN, HOW COULD YOU BE? 564 00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:59,920 - NO! 565 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,920 NO, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S JUST-- IT'S--IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE 566 00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:03,950 TO BE SOMEONE'S FIRST. 567 00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:06,620 I'M--I'M SORRY. - UGH. 568 00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:07,620 - I-- 569 00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:09,560 I FEEL SO ASHAMED. 570 00:20:09,590 --> 00:20:12,560 - YOU SHOULD BE. 571 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,500 - OH. 572 00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:16,030 SHAME BONER. 573 00:20:16,060 --> 00:20:17,300 IT'S BACK. 574 00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:19,400 - OH, SO IT IS. 575 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,870 - DO YOU STILL WANNA? - SURE, OKAY. 576 00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,640 - OKAY? - YEAH, LET'S DO IT. 577 00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,040 OKAY. 578 00:20:26,070 --> 00:20:27,780 OKAY, YEAH. 579 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,510 - [passionate moan] 580 00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:34,950 - OW! 581 00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:38,390 - AAH! - OW! OW! OW! 582 00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:42,560 - [grunts] - OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! 583 00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,560 - [exhales] 584 00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:45,560 [grunts] 585 00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:47,500 - OH... 586 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:50,470 UGH. 587 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,940 - WHOA. 588 00:20:52,970 --> 00:20:55,300 - THAT'S IT? 589 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:58,470 - YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. 590 00:20:58,510 --> 00:21:00,640 THAT'S HOW A LOT OF FIRST TIMES ARE. 591 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:06,010 - [crying] 592 00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:08,020 - I DON'T THINK ANAL SEX GETS ENOUGH CREDIT. 593 00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:09,890 I MEAN, I USED TO THINK IT WAS GOOD, DIRTY FUN. 594 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,320 - EXTRA CREAM IN MINE. 595 00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:12,150 - NOW I THINK IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. 596 00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:13,560 I THINK IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING MORE. 597 00:21:13,590 --> 00:21:14,460 INTIMACY. - MM-HM. 598 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,890 - I MEAN, TO GO IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR 599 00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:19,460 IS MAYBE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ACT KNOWN TO GOD OR MAN. 600 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,000 - I AGREE. I AGREE. I AGREE. - UH. 601 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,370 - LISTEN, IN FACT I HAVE A LOT TO SAY 602 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,400 ON THE SUBJECT. 603 00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:26,070 - BECCA! THANK GOD. 604 00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:27,770 - HI, BECKERS. - WHERE YOU BEEN? 605 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,070 - UH, NOWHERE SPECIAL. 606 00:21:30,110 --> 00:21:33,340 - NOWHERE SPECIAL WITH WHOM, PERCHANCE? 607 00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:35,040 - IF YOU MUST KNOW, TYLER. 608 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,010 - NO, YOU'RE NOT SER-- YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS. 609 00:21:37,050 --> 00:21:38,080 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 610 00:21:38,110 --> 00:21:39,350 - WHAT? 611 00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:41,020 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT WAS OVER, YOU WERE DONE WITH HIM. 612 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:43,050 THAT WAS IT. - I WAS. 613 00:21:43,090 --> 00:21:44,720 BUT HE KEPT TEXTING ME, SO I CRACKED 614 00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:46,360 AND TEXTED HIM BACK. 615 00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:47,660 IT WAS GOOD, WE CLEARED THE AIR. 616 00:21:47,690 --> 00:21:49,430 - SO THAT'S IT? IT'S BACK ON? 617 00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:52,360 THAT--THAT'S IT. - NOT NECESSARILY. 618 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,600 - IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO GET OVER HIM. 619 00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:56,030 WHAT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA GO FORGIVE HIM? 620 00:21:56,060 --> 00:21:57,500 - YEAH. 621 00:21:57,530 --> 00:21:58,930 I WONDER WHERE I GOT THAT FROM. 622 00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:01,470 - HEY, HEY, THAT'S NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR MOTH--BECCA. 623 00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:02,470 - WHATEVER. - SHE'S RIGHT. 624 00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:03,470 SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 625 00:22:03,510 --> 00:22:04,670 - NO, SHE'S NOT RIGHT. 626 00:22:04,710 --> 00:22:06,070 AND EVEN IF SHE WERE, YOU'RE HER PARENT. 627 00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:08,740 IT'S YOUR JOB TO MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE'S WRONG. 628 00:22:08,780 --> 00:22:10,680 - THAT'S FUCKED UP. - NO, YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP? 629 00:22:10,710 --> 00:22:12,480 IS HER GETTING BACK INTO THE SNAKE PIT 630 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,380 WITH THAT D'ARTAGNAN-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER 631 00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:16,550 WITH HIS HAIR AND HIS FUCKING-- HIS FACIAL HAIR. 632 00:22:16,590 --> 00:22:18,390 IT'S UNSAVORY IS WHAT IT IS. 633 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:19,250 IT'S NOT FUNNY. 634 00:22:19,290 --> 00:22:20,760 - DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? 635 00:22:20,790 --> 00:22:22,160 - WHY? SO WE CAN GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT ANAL 636 00:22:22,190 --> 00:22:24,030 WITH THE KINSEY REPORT OVER HERE? 637 00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:26,030 - WATCH YOUR TONE, HANK. THE WOMAN YOU'RE DISRESPECTING 638 00:22:26,060 --> 00:22:27,100 IS CURRENTLY UNDER MY JURISDICTION. 639 00:22:27,130 --> 00:22:28,660 - MIND YOUR BUSINESS, BATESY. 640 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:30,930 WE HAPPEN TO BE TALKING ABOUT A CHILD THAT WE SHARE. 641 00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:33,440 - KEEP IT UP, SWEETHEART, AND YOU AND I ARE GONNA END UP 642 00:22:33,470 --> 00:22:34,070 BACK ON THAT DANCE FLOOR, YOU HEAR ME? 643 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:35,770 - OH, I HEAR YOU, DICK. 644 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,440 AND I'D BE HAPPY TO DANCE WITH YOU ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, 645 00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:39,780 YOU PANSEXUAL FUCKING WEIRDO. 646 00:22:39,810 --> 00:22:41,780 - LOOKS LIKE I'M GETTING YOUR IRISH UP THERE, SON. 647 00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:43,450 - NO, NOT AT ALL. CARE FOR A DRINK? 648 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,410 - YOU'D PROBABLY LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? 649 00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:46,180 - I WOULD, LET'S SEE THAT FUCKING MANGINA. 650 00:22:46,210 --> 00:22:49,150 - YOU WANNA EAT MY PEACH, I'LL BUST HER OUT RIGHT NOW. 651 00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:50,120 - GUYS, IT'S REALLY NICE TO BE FOUGHT OVER 652 00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,490 BUT, YOU KNOW, LET'S NOT RUIN THE BROMANCE. 653 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:53,360 - OH, MY GOD! 654 00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:54,660 THIS IS NEVER GOING ANYWHERE, IS IT? 655 00:22:54,690 --> 00:22:56,160 - WHAT? - YOU! 656 00:22:56,190 --> 00:22:57,890 YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO COMMIT TO ANOTHER WOMAN! 657 00:22:57,930 --> 00:23:00,500 - CARRIE, THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME NOR THE PLACE. 658 00:23:00,530 --> 00:23:01,930 - ACTUALLY, IT'S KIND OF HILARIOUS. 659 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,900 I CAME HERE THINKING THAT I WAS GONNA TRY AND CONVINCE YOU 660 00:23:03,930 --> 00:23:05,500 TO GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY. 661 00:23:05,530 --> 00:23:06,570 - YOU KNOW WHAT'S HILARIOUS? - WHAT? 662 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,440 - IS THE FACT THAT WE BROKE UP. 663 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:09,970 AND YOU SET MY APARTMENT ON FIRE! 664 00:23:10,010 --> 00:23:12,010 - OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART ABOUT ALL THIS IS? 665 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,910 IS THAT THIS WHOLE TIME I WAS THINKING 666 00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:15,110 THAT THIS WAS MY FAULT. 667 00:23:15,140 --> 00:23:16,610 I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. 668 00:23:16,650 --> 00:23:19,620 BUT IT'S YOU. 669 00:23:19,650 --> 00:23:20,850 YOU'RE A LOSER, HANK. 670 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,180 ALL YOUR FRIENDS HERE, 671 00:23:22,220 --> 00:23:23,950 THEY ALL HAVE LOVE IN THEIR LIVES, THEY'VE MOVED ON. 672 00:23:23,990 --> 00:23:26,520 BUT YOU, YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE NOTHING. 673 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,120 - WOW. 674 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,860 CHEERS, THANK YOU. 675 00:23:29,890 --> 00:23:30,990 - CONGRATULATIONS, KAREN. 676 00:23:31,030 --> 00:23:32,930 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, BUT-- 677 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:33,930 - WELL...WHAT? 678 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,200 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 679 00:23:35,230 --> 00:23:37,030 - CARRIE, I'M SORRY YOU GOT HURT. 680 00:23:37,070 --> 00:23:39,030 I THOUGHT WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING. 681 00:23:39,070 --> 00:23:40,070 I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD ME. 682 00:23:40,100 --> 00:23:41,800 - YOU FUCKED ME IN THE ASS, HANK! 683 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,610 - OH, MY GOD. - I SWALLOWED YOUR CUM. 684 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,070 - [sighs] 685 00:23:45,110 --> 00:23:48,610 - BUT WORST OF ALL I SWALLOWED YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT. 686 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,210 AND YOU CAN RATIONALIZE IT ALL YOU WANT BY SAYING THAT 687 00:23:50,250 --> 00:23:54,580 YOU WERE ALWAYS HONEST WITH ME, 688 00:23:54,620 --> 00:23:57,590 BUT IT'S STILL STEALING. 689 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:15,970 - ARE YOU OKAY? 690 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,670 - MM. 691 00:24:17,710 --> 00:24:21,280 JUST LICKING MY WOUNDS. 692 00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:24,510 - MARCY AND STU WILL GIVE YOU A RIDE. 693 00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,780 OR YOU COULD SPEND THE NIGHT WITH US. 694 00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:29,820 - YEAH, I THINK I'D RATHER GO NOOSE SHOPPING, ACTUALLY. 695 00:24:29,850 --> 00:24:34,290 - WELL, THAT'S A SHAME. WE'LL MISS YOU. 696 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,260 - CHICK REALLY LEVELED ME, DIDN'T SHE? 697 00:24:36,290 --> 00:24:40,000 - YEAH, SHE GOT YOU PRETTY BAD. 698 00:24:40,030 --> 00:24:42,600 - TOOK ME BACK TO SOME OF OUR GREATEST HITS. 699 00:24:42,630 --> 00:24:45,630 - OH, HOW I MISS OUR FIGHTS OF FANCY. 700 00:24:45,670 --> 00:24:48,940 - OH, HOW I DON'T. - [laughs] 701 00:24:48,970 --> 00:24:51,240 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU AND BATES GOT TOGETHER I WAS KINDA HAPPY 702 00:24:51,270 --> 00:24:53,040 'CAUSE I THOUGHT "IT'S FUCKING LUNACY, 703 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,680 THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK," BUT IT DOES. 704 00:24:54,710 --> 00:24:57,310 I GUESS. KIND OF. 705 00:24:57,350 --> 00:25:00,850 - IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE IN A WAY THOUGH. 706 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,690 [sighs] 707 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,020 NOT HAVING TO WATCH YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 708 00:25:05,050 --> 00:25:06,660 - MM. 709 00:25:06,690 --> 00:25:09,020 - BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE LONELY. 710 00:25:09,060 --> 00:25:10,930 - AW, PSHAW. I AIN'T LONELY. 711 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,300 - YES, YOU ARE. YES, YOU ARE. 712 00:25:13,330 --> 00:25:14,800 YOU'RE LIKE THIS LITTLE BOY LOST. 713 00:25:14,830 --> 00:25:17,100 YOU KIND OF--IT DIDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN US 714 00:25:17,130 --> 00:25:18,770 AND YOU'RE STILL POUTING. 715 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,740 YOU PICKED UP YOUR BALL AND YOU RUN HOME 716 00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:24,710 AND YOU'RE NEVER EVER GONNA PLAY WITH ANYONE ELSE AGAIN. 717 00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:26,210 - YEAH, WELL, I GUESS BEING IN NEW YORK 718 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,610 MAKES IT EASIER TO FORGET THAT I STILL 719 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,980 LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, KAREN. 720 00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:33,620 YEAH, WOW. 721 00:25:33,650 --> 00:25:36,280 I SAID THAT OUT LOUD, DIDN'T I? 722 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,890 - SO? 723 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,060 I STILL LOVE YOU. I ALWAYS WILL. 724 00:25:41,090 --> 00:25:42,860 TILL THE DAY I DIE. 725 00:25:42,890 --> 00:25:45,960 BUT AT SOME POINT I HAD TO CHOOSE HAPPINESS. 726 00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:47,600 I HAVE TO MAKE THAT A PRIORITY. 727 00:25:47,630 --> 00:25:50,670 I MEAN--AND NOW I'M WITH SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS 728 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:52,070 THAT I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. 729 00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:54,070 AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN. 730 00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:56,840 - GOOD. [laughs] 731 00:25:56,870 --> 00:25:59,780 THAT'S FANTASTIC. 732 00:25:59,810 --> 00:26:01,940 - SHE'S RIGHT, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. 733 00:26:01,980 --> 00:26:04,250 YOU ARE, AND WHEN WOMEN GET TO KNOW YOU, 734 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,750 YOU KNOW, OF COURSE THEY WANT MORE. 735 00:26:07,780 --> 00:26:10,220 BUT IT'S KINDA CRUEL TO LET THEM THINK 736 00:26:10,250 --> 00:26:13,120 THAT THEY CAN HAVE IT WHEN REALLY... 737 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,660 IT'S JUST NO MORE THAN A HOLOGRAM. 738 00:26:14,690 --> 00:26:16,290 - CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, I'M NOT OUT THERE 739 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,790 TRYING TO HURT ANYONE, KAREN. - I KNOW. 740 00:26:18,830 --> 00:26:21,400 BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK BECCA'S SUFFERING FROM RIGHT NOW? 741 00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:25,000 SOME GUY, GOOD OR BAD, HE'S CHARMED HIS WAY 742 00:26:25,030 --> 00:26:29,000 INTO HER HEART, AND OBVIOUSLY SHE WANTS MORE. 743 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,640 - YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I'VE GIVEN HER 744 00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:32,210 SOME KIND OF HORRIBLE DADDY COMPLEX? 745 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:33,940 - NO, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. 746 00:26:33,980 --> 00:26:35,080 I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU. 747 00:26:35,110 --> 00:26:38,310 WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF. 748 00:26:38,350 --> 00:26:40,650 'CAUSE IF REALLY-- IF ALL YOUR LIFE IS 749 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:46,250 IS A SERIES OF FUCKING MEANINGLESS...FLINGS... 750 00:26:46,290 --> 00:26:50,130 AND SOME IDEALIZED VISION OF OUR LOVE STORY... 751 00:26:52,860 --> 00:26:54,760 THEN I'M REALLY SAD FOR YOU. 752 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,900 BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF. 753 00:26:56,930 --> 00:26:58,330 - YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG? 754 00:26:58,370 --> 00:27:00,170 WHAT IF THIS IS IT FOR ME? 755 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,700 WHAT IF I'M JUST DESTINED TO SIT AROUND AND WAIT 756 00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:04,070 FOR THE BAND TO GET BACK TOGETHER? 757 00:27:08,380 --> 00:27:11,210 - YOU'LL BE WAITING ON A MIRACLE. 758 00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:15,850 - * FAITHFULLY 759 00:27:22,990 --> 00:27:27,860 * RESTLESS HEARTS 760 00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:33,040 * SLEEP ALONE TONIGHT 761 00:27:33,070 --> 00:27:36,740 * SENDING ALL MY LOVE 762 00:27:36,770 --> 00:27:42,340 * ALONG THE WIRE 763 00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:45,710 * THEY SAY THAT THE ROAD AIN'T NO PLACE * 764 00:27:45,750 --> 00:27:47,480 * TO START A FAMILY 765 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,920 * 766 00:27:51,950 --> 00:27:54,190 * RIGHT DOWN THE LINE 767 00:27:54,220 --> 00:27:56,690 * IT'S BEEN YOU AND ME 54887

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