All language subtitles for Californication S05E01 JFK to LAX

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:09,690 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,730 --> 00:00:11,660 - IF YOU WERE GONNA HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE 3 00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:15,830 AND YOU KNEW THAT IT WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE LAST TIME, 4 00:00:15,870 --> 00:00:18,170 WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE LIKE? 5 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,400 - INCREDIBLY SAD. 6 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,570 - MAKE ME SAD. 7 00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:23,110 - WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? 8 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,840 - STU BEGGS. NICE TO MEET YOU. 9 00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:26,310 I MET THE WIFE. 10 00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:27,840 - YEAH, SOON-TO-BE-EX. SPLITSVILLE. 11 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,710 - SO YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I TOOK A CRACK AT HER? 12 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:31,720 - WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN I'VE SLEPT WITH? 13 00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:32,720 - MM-MM. 14 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,290 - I GOT TO GET IT UP TO 100. 15 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,450 TRIPLE DIGITS. 16 00:00:36,490 --> 00:00:37,850 THEN I CAN DIE HAPPY. 17 00:00:37,890 --> 00:00:40,690 - I'M PREGNANT. - I'M GONNA BE A FATHER! 18 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,260 - I'M CARRYING CHARLIE'S BABY. 19 00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:43,830 - WHAT? - WHAT THE FUCK? 20 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,460 - YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, DAD? 21 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,400 I THINK IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY. 22 00:00:47,430 --> 00:00:48,630 CHAPTERS END. 23 00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:50,470 SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SHAKE THINGS UP. 24 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,770 CHECK OUT OF THIS DUMP. 25 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,770 GO HOME. 26 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,280 [The Doors' Love Me Two Times] 27 00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:04,680 - * LOVE ME TWO TIME, BABY 28 00:01:04,710 --> 00:01:09,250 * LOVE ME TWICE TODAY 29 00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:10,890 * LOVE ME TWO TIME, GIRL 30 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,820 - YOU'RE AMAZING. 31 00:01:13,860 --> 00:01:17,690 A GODDESS. 32 00:01:17,730 --> 00:01:20,430 A GIFT FROM ON HIGH. 33 00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:23,670 YOU...DESERVE THE WHITE DRESS 34 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:26,240 AND THE HAPPY ENDING. 35 00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:30,870 * 36 00:01:30,910 --> 00:01:33,280 - * LOVE ME TWO TIME, BABY 37 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,810 - ARE WE GONNA TAKE THIS THING TO THE NEXT LEVEL OR WHAT? 38 00:01:35,850 --> 00:01:37,380 - HUH? WHAT? 39 00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:39,380 - WELL, WE'RE COMING UP ON A YEAR, HANK. 40 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,250 - REALLY? WOW. 41 00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,890 TIME CERTAINLY DOTH FLY. 42 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,490 - WE'VE KEPT IT PRETTY CAS. 43 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,360 I'VE BEEN--I'VE BEEN PRETTY CAREFUL 44 00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:48,630 ABOUT MAKING SURE I DON'T MAKE ANY DEMANDS ON YOUR TIME. 45 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:50,260 I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL. 46 00:01:50,290 --> 00:01:51,760 - NO, YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT NOT-THAT GIRL. 47 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,530 - I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU SEE US BECOMING... 48 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,270 EVENTUALLY. 49 00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:03,510 - I SEE US BECOMING INCREDIBLY CLOSE, 50 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,640 GREAT FRIENDS EVENTUALLY. 51 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:07,880 [clears throat] 52 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:08,880 AFTER THE PART WHERE YOU HATE MY GUTS 53 00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,480 FOR A LONG, COLD WINTER. 54 00:02:10,510 --> 00:02:11,950 IT'S NOT THAT I'M NOT FOND OF YOU. 55 00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:12,950 I AM. 56 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:14,820 INORDINATELY SO. 57 00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:17,350 IT'S JUST THAT I ENJOY THE CASUAL NATURE OF THINGS. 58 00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:18,790 I'M A CASUAL GUY. 59 00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:20,860 YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO BE BECAUSE I'M DAMAGED. 60 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,360 BROKEN REALLY. 61 00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:24,490 YOU KNOW, OLD DOG, NO NEW TRICKS. 62 00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:26,230 BUT YOU, YOU'RE AMAZING. 63 00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:28,570 A GODDESS. A GIFT FROM ON HIGH. 64 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,370 YOU DESERVE THE WHITE DRESS AND THE HAPPY ENDING. 65 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,440 I'M JUST NOT THE GUY TO GIVE IT TO YOU, YOU KNOW? 66 00:02:32,470 --> 00:02:33,900 AND SEE, YOU'RE MAD. 67 00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:35,510 I CAN TELL. 68 00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:36,670 - I'M NOT MAD. 69 00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:37,870 - YOU'RE NOT? - NO. 70 00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:39,510 - WELL, I'M GLAD. - NO, NO. 71 00:02:39,540 --> 00:02:41,910 IT'S JUST... YOU FUCKED ME IN THE ASS, HANK. 72 00:02:41,950 --> 00:02:44,610 - OH, ARE WE SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY, BECAUSE-- 73 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:46,320 - NO, I GAVE UP THE BUTT FOR YOU. 74 00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:48,690 DO--DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE LET YOU SODOMIZE ME 75 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:49,920 IF I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS A FUTURE HERE? 76 00:02:49,950 --> 00:02:51,390 - YOU DID SAY THAT YOU LIKED IT 77 00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:52,720 MORE THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD. 78 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:53,820 - YEAH, WELL, THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 79 00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:56,490 - THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 80 00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:57,730 - THIS MAN'S A MONSTER. 81 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,460 HE LIKES TO FUCK WOMEN IN THE ASS 82 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,570 AND THEN TELL 'EM THAT HE JUST WANTS TO KEEP IT CASUAL. 83 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,440 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 84 00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:07,840 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 85 00:03:07,870 --> 00:03:09,510 - [chuckles] 86 00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,480 * 87 00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,640 - * LOVE ME TWO TIME 88 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:18,680 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 89 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,350 * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 90 00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:21,620 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 91 00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:23,550 [cell phone tune] 92 00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:26,020 - WHO CALLING MY PHONE? 93 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:28,260 - IT'S YO AGENT CALLING FROM THE COAST 94 00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,530 WITH THE PROSPECT OF A SIGNIFICANT PAYDAY. 95 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,260 - I'LL TAKE IT. 96 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,630 - DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS? 97 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:34,900 - NOPE. 98 00:03:34,930 --> 00:03:36,670 CAN YOU BOOK ME ON THE NEXT-ISH FLIGHT 99 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,570 TO THIS COAST OF WHICH YOU SPEAK? 100 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:39,800 - UH-OH. WHAT HAPPENED? 101 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,370 WHAT DID YOU DO? 102 00:03:41,410 --> 00:03:42,570 - I'VE GOT KIND OF 103 00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:44,640 A BUNNY-BOILER SITUATION HAPPENING. 104 00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:46,910 SHE'S GOT A KEY TO MY PLACE. 105 00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:48,910 I MAY NEED TO CRASH AT THE VILLA FOR A FEW DAYS. 106 00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:50,680 IS THAT COOL? - HEY, MI CASA, AMIGO. 107 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,780 I'LL EVEN PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT. 108 00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,750 - THANKS, RUNKS. MUCH APPREESH. 109 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:55,990 - LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, BUDDY. 110 00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,750 I'VE MISSED YO BLACK ASS! 111 00:03:57,790 --> 00:04:01,760 - LATER, MASTURBATOR. 112 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:07,800 [camera clicks] 113 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,740 [cell phone chimes] 114 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,490 - [gasps] - OH, SHIT. 115 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,960 DID I JUST DO WHAT I THINK I JUST DID? 116 00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:33,360 - YES. 117 00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:34,920 - OH, I AM SO TRULY... - YOU DID. 118 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,630 - MADLY, DEEPLY SORRY. 119 00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,400 - YOU KNOW, AND THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT 120 00:04:38,430 --> 00:04:40,760 THAT I NOW HAVE A PUDDLE IN MY LAP. 121 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,500 - WELL, ONE COULD ARGUE THAT IT'S NOT ENTIRELY MY FAULT 122 00:04:44,530 --> 00:04:47,040 THAT YOU FORCE GROWN MEN TO MAKE HUGE PUDDLES IN YOUR LAP. 123 00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:48,870 - I'M NOT LAUGHING. 124 00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:50,770 - SURE YOU ARE. LITTLE BIT? 125 00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:53,610 ON THE INSIDE, MAYBE? YEAH. 126 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,680 - OKAY...I HAVE IT. THANKS. 127 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:58,050 - MAN, WHAT ARE THE ODDS? 128 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,050 - OF WHAT? 129 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,420 - USUALLY, I GET ON A PLANE, 130 00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,090 I'M SEATED NEXT TO JOHN CANDY, 131 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,850 YOU KNOW, OR RUTH GORDON IF I'M LUCKY. 132 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,690 BUT I END UP NEXT TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN 133 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,090 IN THE TRI-STATE AREA, AND I GO AND SPILL A DRINK IN HER LAP. 134 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:11,600 NICE WORK, HUH? 135 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:12,930 STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. 136 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,400 - [chuckles] 137 00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:16,400 THE TRI-STATE AREA? 138 00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:18,540 - YOU'RE WORLD-CLASS. 139 00:05:18,570 --> 00:05:20,000 YOU'RE RUNWAY CALIBER. 140 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,640 YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL YOU'RE ALMOST UGLY. 141 00:05:21,670 --> 00:05:22,970 I JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO GO TO YOUR HEAD. 142 00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,440 HANK. 143 00:05:24,470 --> 00:05:26,140 - UH, 2-A. THAT'S ME. 144 00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:27,480 SORRY. 145 00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:30,650 - WELL, YOU BETTER BE, PAL. 146 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,880 - OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. 147 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,050 - NO, NO, NO, NO, HOLD ON. 148 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,520 JUST WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND. 149 00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:35,850 CAN'T YOU JUST-- JUST TAKE HER SEAT? 150 00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,520 - IF THE TICKET SAYS 2-A, 151 00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,820 THEN 2-A IS WHERE I'M PARKING MY POSTERIOR. 152 00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,160 [laughs] 153 00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:44,130 - AH, REAL STICKLER FOR THE RULES, THIS GUY. 154 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,700 - THAT'S HOW WE KEEP THE TRAINS RUNNING ON TIME. 155 00:05:45,730 --> 00:05:47,600 CHOO-CHOO! [laughs] 156 00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:48,970 - NICE TO MEET YOU, HANK. 157 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,000 - BYE, MISS NEVER GOT YOUR...NAME. 158 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,140 - EXCUSE ME. - MY GOODNESS. 159 00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:55,000 WOW. 160 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,640 SORRY. 161 00:05:57,670 --> 00:05:59,010 - OH! 162 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,610 - [grunting] 163 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,450 AH! WHEW! 164 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,780 [sighs] 165 00:06:04,810 --> 00:06:06,620 I HAVE GOT TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL. 166 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:11,560 I'M ALMOST TOO FAT TO FLY. 167 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:12,590 SOME? - NO. 168 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,920 NO, I'M GOOD. THANKS. 169 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,530 - SHOOT, SORRY, SORRY. 170 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,200 - JEEZ, GO AHEAD BEFORE I SHIT MYSELF. 171 00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:20,560 - EXCUSE ME? 172 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,170 - GO. GO SIT WITH YOUR WIFE. 173 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,570 SHE GUILTED ME INTO SWAPPING WITH YOU. 174 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,870 ENJOY YOUR FUCKING HONEYMOON. 175 00:06:29,910 --> 00:06:33,440 - IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE PURSUIT OF THIS ONE WOMAN, 176 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:37,050 THIS ONE RELATIONSHIP, BECAME ITS OWN FORM OF HEROIN. 177 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,850 I WAS STRUNG OUT, YOU KNOW? 178 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,120 I WAS DRIVING HER CRAZY, MAKING MY KID MISERABLE. 179 00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:43,950 BUT WHEN YOU FINALLY GIVE UP AND LET GO, 180 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,690 GOOD STUFF STARTS TO HAPPEN. 181 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,830 SHE'S BETTER NOW. MY KID'S FANTASTIC. 182 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:50,990 AND I'M KEEPING IT SIMPLE. 183 00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:54,530 - SUCH A SAD, SWEET TALE OF WOE. 184 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,670 - I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. 185 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,640 I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT TRY TO HANG YOURSELF THERE AT SOME POINT. 186 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,770 - YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY DID THINK ABOUT IT, 187 00:07:01,810 --> 00:07:03,640 BUT I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, THAT'D BE KIND OF RUDE 188 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:06,080 SINCE YOU WERE POURING YOUR HEART OUT AND ALL. 189 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:08,140 - APPRECIATE THAT. - YEAH. 190 00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:09,880 BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS HAS-- THIS HAS BEEN NICE 191 00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:12,180 TO ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE 192 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:13,780 WHO ISN'T TRYING TO GET IN MY PANTS. 193 00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:16,550 - YOU MEAN MY EPIC LOVE STORY FOR THE AGES 194 00:07:16,590 --> 00:07:18,150 ISN'T PURE PANTY-PEELER? 195 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:20,160 - [chuckles] 196 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,690 OKAY, EXCUSE ME. 197 00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:23,660 I'M GONNA GO TO THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM. 198 00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:25,230 - WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO TRY TO GET IN YOUR PANTS, 199 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,030 DON'T TALK DIRTY TO ME. 200 00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:30,930 - YOU KNOW, I REALLY HOPE THAT NO ONE COMES IN ON ME. 201 00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:32,900 - LOCK THE DOOR. 202 00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:35,640 - SEE, THAT'S THE THING. 203 00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,610 I ALWAYS FORGET. 204 00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:49,520 - [sigh] 205 00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:13,110 - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 206 00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:15,280 - I'M SORRY. I-I-I THOUGHT YOU-- 207 00:08:15,310 --> 00:08:18,750 - I'M JUST KIDDING. 208 00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:21,180 - I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO PEE. 209 00:08:21,220 --> 00:08:23,720 - I ALREADY DID. 210 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,990 - I'M SORRY I MISSED THAT. 211 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,630 - HAVE YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE? 212 00:08:35,670 --> 00:08:36,900 - KISSED A GIRL? 213 00:08:36,930 --> 00:08:39,840 A COUPLE OF TIMES. 214 00:08:39,870 --> 00:08:41,140 - IN AN AIRPLANE BATHROOM? 215 00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:42,910 - BELIEVE OR NOT, NO. 216 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,570 IT ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE MORE TROUBLE THAN IT WAS WORTH. 217 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,040 BUT, NOW THAT I'M HERE, 218 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:50,910 I THINK I WAS JUST HOLDING OUT FOR THE RIGHT GAL. 219 00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:53,220 - FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST! 220 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,250 SAVE IT FOR THE HONEYMOON SUITE. 221 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,590 I'VE GOT SERIOUS WORK I GOTTA DO IN HERE. 222 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,890 [horn honking] - THANKS FOR, UH.... 223 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,360 PRETTY MUCH THE BEST FLIGHT EVER. 224 00:09:02,390 --> 00:09:04,790 - YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. 225 00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:08,200 I GUESS WE SHOULDN'T RUIN IT BY KEEPING IN TOUCH OR ANYTHING. 226 00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:10,200 - I-I COULDN'T AGREE MORE. 227 00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:11,670 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY-- 228 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,840 WHAT HAPPENS IN SMALL, CRAMPED TOILETS 229 00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,340 STAYS IN SMALL, CRAMPED TOILETS. 230 00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:17,210 THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SAYINGS. 231 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,840 RIGHT UP THERE WITH "EATIN' AIN'T CHEATIN'." 232 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,180 - YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME 233 00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,780 SINCE I JUST MADE OUT WITH A GUY. 234 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:23,080 - YOU DIRTY SLUT. 235 00:09:23,110 --> 00:09:25,680 - I KNOW. IT WAS KINDA HOT, THOUGH. 236 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,650 - YEAH. YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME 237 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:30,850 WITH MORE ROOM TO MOVE ONE'S EXTREMITIES. 238 00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:32,690 YOU DID NOT EXPERIENCE MY BEST WORK, LADY. 239 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,160 I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS MOVES. 240 00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:37,090 I NEED TO BE ABLE TO EXTEND AND RETRACT AND... 241 00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:39,000 I'VE GOT TO LOOSEN UP. 242 00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:40,860 IF I HAVE--MAYBE I SHOULD GET YOUR NUMBER. 243 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,100 HOLD ON. LET ME JUST-- 244 00:09:42,130 --> 00:09:43,700 I CAN NEVER WORK THIS THING. 245 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,700 HEY, COME ON, COCK BLOCKER. 246 00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:48,240 ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW. 247 00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:49,840 HEY-- 248 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:51,680 [horn honks] 249 00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,840 - WHOO! - RUNKS! 250 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,110 - AAH! - LITTLE RUNKS! 251 00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:57,710 UP HIGH FOR UNCLE HANKNESS. 252 00:09:57,750 --> 00:09:59,650 YOU CAN DO IT! MY MAN! 253 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,420 HEY, YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD. 254 00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:06,220 HE TALKING YET? - NOPE. NOT A WORD. 255 00:10:06,260 --> 00:10:08,890 MARSTU TELL ME IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL. 256 00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:10,960 - HOW OLD NOW? - 2.5. 257 00:10:10,990 --> 00:10:13,330 - TOTALLY NOT NORMAL, CHARLIE. - I KNOW! 258 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,860 THAT'S WHAT I KEEP SAYING! 259 00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,770 - THAT'S A SWEET RIDE YOU GOT HERE. 260 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,070 I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING ONE OF YOUR FAGGOTY LITTLE GIRL CARS. 261 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,870 - THIS IS HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU. 262 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:24,870 LEASING THIS VERY EXPENSIVE PENIS EXTENSION 263 00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:27,380 MADE ME FEEL CLOSER TO MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER. 264 00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:30,250 - OH, YOU SWEET, BALD, COCK-HUNGRY HOMO, YOU. 265 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,250 - HANK, HANK. 266 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,120 HE MAY NOT SAY MUCH... - OH... 267 00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:35,720 - BUT HE'S NOT DEAF. - I-I'M SORRY. 268 00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:38,120 I JUST SEE YOU, I GET ALL EXCITED. 269 00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:40,090 THE WORDS JUST SPILL OUT. 270 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,370 - HANK. 271 00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,170 - SORRY. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. 272 00:10:58,210 --> 00:11:00,410 WHAT? IN A GOOD WAY. - RIGHT. 273 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,710 CONDESCENDING TO THE LAST. 274 00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,180 - MAYBE THE HOUSES ALL LOOK THE SAME, 275 00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,850 BUT YOU... YOU LOOK AMAZING. 276 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,080 - THANK YOU. 277 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,150 EASY, TIGER. 278 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,820 [both laughing] 279 00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,960 - OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVEN'T FUCKED 280 00:11:12,990 --> 00:11:14,760 FOR TWO YEARS, NINE MONTHS, 281 00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,990 THREE WEEKS AND... 282 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:18,800 69 HOURS. 283 00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:21,800 WHAT? IT'S A COMPLIMENT. I'D STILL TOTALLY DO YOU. 284 00:11:21,830 --> 00:11:23,500 - GOOD TO KNOW. 285 00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:26,070 - AS I RECALL, IT WAS MISH INTO DOGGIE... 286 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,370 SEGUED QUITE SEAMLESSLY INTO COWGIRL. 287 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,370 I CAME TWICE. YOU JUST THE ONCE. 288 00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:31,840 A GUY REMEMBERS THESE THINGS. 289 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,340 IT WOULD APPEAR THAT I OWE YOU ONE. 290 00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:35,440 - HOW ARE YOU, HANK? - MOST EXCELLENT, THANK YOU. 291 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,310 - MM-HMM. ARE YOU STILL KEEPING IT SIMPLE 292 00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,820 WITH, UM, WHAT'S-HER-NAME? - NOPE. 293 00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:41,820 ENDED THAT JUST LAST NIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 294 00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:42,990 - AH! HENCE, THE SUDDEN ARRIVAL. 295 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:44,490 - NONSENSE. 296 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,320 THE BUSINESS OF SHOW HAS BROUGHT ME TO THE LEFT COAST. 297 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,930 AND HOW COULD I PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY 298 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,830 TO GAZE UPON MY LADIES? 299 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,960 - ALAS, THIS ONE'S NOT YOUR LADY ANYMORE, HANK. 300 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,760 - BATES! GOOD TO SEE YOU WEARING PANTS. 301 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,100 HOW'S IT TUCKING? - WELL, THAT'S BETWEEN ME 302 00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:57,830 AND YOUR EX-BABYMAMA. 303 00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:59,800 - SHE'S STILL MY BABYMAMA AND ALWAYS WILL BE. 304 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,500 GET USED TO IT. THAT WILL NOT CHANGE. 305 00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:04,440 - DIDN'T WE DO THIS ONCE BEFORE, AND IT ENDED IN FISTICUFFS? 306 00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:06,910 - YES. AND A GOOD FISTICUFFS IT WAS. 307 00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:08,140 EPIC. MM-HMM. 308 00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:10,280 IN FACT, I THINK WE NEEDED TO DO IT. 309 00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:13,280 LIKE MEN IN PRISON. WE HAD TO GET IT OUT OF THE WAY. 310 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,480 WE HAD TO DO THE MAN DANCE JUST ONCE, JUST A TASTE, 311 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,190 SO WE COULD MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES 312 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:18,820 AND BECOME THE COLD WAR POWERS THAT WE ARE TODAY. 313 00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:20,060 - IS THAT WHAT IT WAS? 314 00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:21,260 'CAUSE I SEEM TO REMEMBER YOU 315 00:12:21,290 --> 00:12:22,890 PISSING ME OFF TO SUCH AN EXTENT, 316 00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:25,190 I WAS LEFT WITH NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE A SWING. 317 00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:26,930 - I HIT YOU RIGHT BACK. DON'T FORGET THAT PART. 318 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,400 - NO BLOOD. - SIZEABLE SHINER. 319 00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:29,930 - YEAH, BLOOD'S MORE EMBARRASSING. 320 00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,470 KAREN HAD TO GET YOU A TOWEL, SOME ICE. 321 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,140 FRESH PAIR OF PANTIES, TOO, RIGHT? 322 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,940 - YEP. STILL WEARING 'EM. 323 00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:36,470 HOW'S BECCA? 324 00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:38,940 - WONDERFUL. - UH... 325 00:12:38,980 --> 00:12:41,210 - WHAT'S THAT? - NOTHING. 326 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,210 - NO, THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT NOTHING. 327 00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,980 IN FACT, THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF FROWN I'D GIVE YOU 328 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:47,980 IF YOU WERE TRYING TO BULLSHIT A BULLSHITTER. 329 00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:50,820 - IT'S HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND. I MEAN, I WANNA KILL HIM, HANK. 330 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,420 I MEAN, I DON'T WANNA KILL HIM. 331 00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:53,490 I WANNA DISMEMBER HIM. 332 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,460 SLOWLY. 333 00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:58,030 AND POUR TABASCO SAUCE IN HIS TORN, BLOODY ASSHOLE 334 00:12:58,060 --> 00:13:00,830 AS HE DIES, SCREAMING FOR HIS MOMMY AND DADDY. 335 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,070 YEAH. - NICE. 336 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,170 - KAREN... 337 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,300 IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE, 338 00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:08,270 THIS IS THE RIGHT GUY. - I KNOW. 339 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,410 - HE'S LIKE YOU... 340 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,910 BUT AWESOME. 341 00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:13,880 - [chuckles] 342 00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:14,910 THAT'S ME. 343 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:17,150 - WHAT-EVAH! 344 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:18,580 GROSS. THIS IS GROSS. 345 00:13:18,610 --> 00:13:20,350 CUT IT OUT. WHERE IS SHE? 346 00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,090 WHAT'S THE STORY? - I DON'T KNOW. 347 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,020 SHE DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT. 348 00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:26,560 - WHAT? WHAT KIND OF SHOP ARE YOU GUYS RUNNING AROUND HERE? 349 00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:28,960 - THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY. - SHE'S IN COLLEGE, HANK. 350 00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:31,490 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SHE STAYS SOME NIGHTS WITH HER BOYFRIEND. 351 00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,000 IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN. 352 00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:34,400 - SHE'S HAVING SEX WITH THIS GUY? 353 00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:36,270 - I SHOULD HOPE SO. - WHY? 354 00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,930 - BECAUSE HE'S HOT. - OH... 355 00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:40,100 - WHO ARE YOU? - HE'S A REAL FUCKING DOUCHEBOAT 356 00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:41,400 IS WHAT HE IS. 357 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,010 - YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'LL HAVE DINNER. 358 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,240 I'LL MAKE SURE SHE BRINGS HIM. OKAY? 359 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:47,640 - FINE. WHY NOT? 360 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,350 DINNER WITH THE EX, HER NEW HUSBAND. 361 00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:51,080 MY INSOLENT DAUGHTER, HER ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND. 362 00:13:51,110 --> 00:13:52,650 FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. 363 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,350 THIS IS NOT SHAPING UP TO BE A GREAT TRIP--NOT AT ALL. 364 00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:57,950 I'VE ONLY BEEN IN L.A. A COUPLE OF HOURS, 365 00:13:57,990 --> 00:13:59,460 AND I'M ALREADY SUPREMELY FUCKING AGITATED. 366 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:02,090 - HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU STAND TO MAKE? 367 00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:05,090 - I DON'T BELIEVE IT, RUNKS. NOTHING'S EVER THAT EASY. 368 00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:08,030 AND I'M NOT JUMPING THROUGH ANY HOOPS TO LAND THIS THING, 369 00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:09,900 WHATEVER THIS THING IS. WHAT IS THIS THING? 370 00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:13,100 - [knocks at door] [singsong] HELLO! 371 00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:16,140 HELLO! EX-WIFE! 372 00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:17,670 HELLO! 373 00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:20,640 BIG TIME MOVIE PRODUCER GUY? HELLO? 374 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,410 - WHAT THE FUCK? 375 00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:26,620 I'M GONNA TAKE A PISS. 376 00:14:26,650 --> 00:14:29,250 - OH...EAT THAT BITCH! 377 00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,620 GODDAMN IT! 378 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,660 MMM... 379 00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:35,060 GODDAMN IT! NO, HARDER. 380 00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:36,530 YES! AH! 381 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,130 - [whispers] CHARLIE! 382 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,260 COME HERE, CHARLIE, CHARLIE. 383 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:42,970 [both moaning, grunting] 384 00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,600 SHE MOAN LIKE THAT WHEN YOU USED TO MUNCH HER OUT? 385 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,210 - HARDLY. OF COURSE, I DIDN'T HAVE QUITE AS MANY QUATLOOS 386 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,540 IN THE BANK, AND AN ACADEMY AWARD ON MY SHELF. 387 00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:55,680 THESE THINGS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ENHANCE THE FEMALE ORGASM. 388 00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,380 [shouting] STUART! 389 00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:59,020 CLOSE YOUR EYES, SON! 390 00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,280 - CHARLIE? 391 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,050 HANK. STUART. 392 00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:03,720 IRMA! 393 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:06,620 CHRIST ON A CROSS. 394 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:08,090 - HANK. 395 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,160 OH, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. 396 00:15:10,190 --> 00:15:12,560 - HEY, CAN WE DO THIS A LITTLE LATER 397 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,600 WHEN YOU, UH, LOSE THE WOOD? 398 00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:17,100 WASH YOUR FACE? - YEAH. OH! 399 00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:18,970 YEAH. SORRY. AND--AND 400 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,600 THIS IS GONNA BE A WHILE. 401 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,510 I JUST POPPED A NIAGARA. 402 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:24,240 - YOU MEAN A VIAGRA. 403 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,280 - NO, WE CALL IT NIAGARA AROUND HERE 404 00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:28,210 BECAUSE MY ROCK-HARD ENDOWMENT 405 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,550 MAKES MARCY GUSH LIKE NIAGARA FALLS. 406 00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:33,520 - OH! SO MARCY'S A SQUIRTER NOW? - OH, YEAH. 407 00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:35,420 - THINGS HAVE REALLY CHANGED IN MY ABSENCE. 408 00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:37,390 - YEAH, MARCY'S IN THE THROES 409 00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,620 OF A REAL SEXUAL RENAISSANCE NOW, HANK. 410 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:40,990 IT'S EXHILARATING. - IT'S GOOD TO HEAR. 411 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,660 THAT'S REALLY GOOD TO HEAR. 412 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,590 BUT YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO MESS WITH THAT NIAGARA SHIT, STU. 413 00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:46,130 - I KNOW, I KNOW. 414 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,300 I JUST REALLY LIKE THE NINE-HOUR BONER. 415 00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:50,530 IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. YOU KNOW, I GET SHIT DONE. 416 00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,400 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 417 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,140 YOU'RE LIKE A COUPLE OF TEENAGERS! 418 00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:57,170 - YEAH, WELL, IRMA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HIM. 419 00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:58,670 - IT WAS A QUICKIE, RUNKLE. 420 00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:00,680 THEN WE WERE ALL GOING FOR SOME FRO-YO. 421 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,480 - SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHY IS HE EATING THESE TERRIBLE SNACKS? 422 00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:05,350 - OH, SETTLE DOWN, SOCCER MOM. 423 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:08,380 HANKY! HUG! 424 00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,090 MWAH! 425 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,460 - OH, YOU SMELL LIKE SEX. 426 00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:14,490 - YES, I DO! - AND WEED. 427 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,330 - WELL, YEAH, MAMA'S LITTLE HELPER. 428 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:20,100 I TAKE A PUFFSKY OR TWO AND I GET THE SEX MUNCHIES, YOU KNOW? 429 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:22,770 I'M GOING THROUGH A REAL SEXUAL RENAISSANCE. 430 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,030 - I HEARD. 431 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,030 [footsteps approach] - IRMA! 432 00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,470 WHAT THE FUCK? 433 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,470 Charlie and Stu: LANGUAGE, MARCY! 434 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,470 - HE SNEAK AWAY. HE ALWAYS SNEAK AWAY. 435 00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:32,340 HE SO QUIET, LIKE A MOUSE. 436 00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:34,280 - OH, DIOS MIO! 437 00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:36,410 IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU WATCHING YOUR STORIES? 438 00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:38,380 EL GORDO Y LA FLACA? 439 00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:41,150 I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT, IRMA! 440 00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:43,490 I'M CALLING IMMIGRATION, MOTHERFUCKER! 441 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,690 - [crying] NO, NO, NO, NO! 442 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,320 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 443 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,560 - WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WE CAME FOR THE MEETING. 444 00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,330 - [laughs] JESUS, RUNKLE. 445 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,330 DIDN'T YOU GET THE MESSAGE? THERE IS NO MEETING. 446 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,800 HE WANTS HANK TO COME TO HIM. ONE-ON-ONE. 447 00:16:56,830 --> 00:16:59,100 FACE TIME. - WHO THE FUCK IS "HE"? 448 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,100 - SAMURAI APOCALYPSE. 449 00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:03,540 - WHAT? HUH? - THE RAPPER? 450 00:17:03,570 --> 00:17:05,410 - OH, HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT, RUNKLE. 451 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,810 THE MAN HAS TRANSCENDED RAPPER LONG AGO. 452 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,110 SAM IS A PRODUCER, BUSINESSMAN, 453 00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,150 ENTREPRENEUR, HUMANITARIAN. 454 00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,320 NO, HE'S A MAJOR PLAYER, HANK. MAJOR. 455 00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,650 - AND...I PASS. - OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. 456 00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:19,390 YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE MEETING. 457 00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:21,560 HE REALLY IS AN INSPIRING HUMAN BEING. 458 00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:23,430 HE ALSO HAS WRITER APPROVAL, 459 00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,430 AND HE HASN'T LIKED ANYONE WE'VE SENT HIM. 460 00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,830 - FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT AUDITIONING FOR ANYONE. 461 00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:31,170 ESPECIALLY SOMEONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF SAMURAI APOCALYPSE. 462 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,400 AND SECONDLY, WHY WASN'T I FIRST ON THE LIST? 463 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,440 - WH--WHAT L--I-- I WASN'T AWARE-- 464 00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:38,310 - HOLLYWOOD ASSHOLES. 465 00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:39,710 - WELL-- 466 00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:42,710 [X5's Act Like You Want It] 467 00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:48,550 * 468 00:17:48,580 --> 00:17:50,420 - * STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF CONFIDENCE ROAD * 469 00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,720 * SEAT LEANED BACK, THE MACK IN CONTROL * 470 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,390 * THIS BE THE LIFE OF MINES, SO I'M-A TAKE MY TIME * 471 00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:57,460 * IT'S LIKE THE GAME IS TIED ON THE LINE * 472 00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:59,730 * A, YOU CAN JUST SUCCUMB TO THE PRESSURE * 473 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,900 * B, YOU CAN RUN LIKE THE PUNKS SO THEY DON'T CATCH YA * 474 00:18:01,930 --> 00:18:04,230 * C, YOU CAN GO FOR THE WIN AND NO LESSER * 475 00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,700 * D, THAT'S ME, THE KING, THE MC * 476 00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:08,270 * 477 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,670 * COME DOWN, COME DOWN 478 00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:13,110 * ONCE AGAIN 479 00:18:16,710 --> 00:18:18,810 - T.M. YOU EVER TRY IT? 480 00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:21,380 - TRUTH BE TOLD, I GET MORE SATISFACTION 481 00:18:21,420 --> 00:18:22,820 OUT OF A SOLID B.M. 482 00:18:22,850 --> 00:18:24,650 - THANK YOU, ALFRED. 483 00:18:25,790 --> 00:18:27,290 - ALFRED. REALLY? 484 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,560 - FUCK, YEAH, MAN. 485 00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:30,530 WHEN I WAS A KID, I TOLD MY MOMS, 486 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,330 "MAMA, WHEN I GET RICH AND FAMOUS, 487 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:33,460 I'M GONNA GET ME AN ALFRED." 488 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,260 - YOUR MOMS MUST BE PROUD, 489 00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,300 BECAUSE YOU GOTS YOURSELF A FUCKING ALFRED, ALL RIGHT. 490 00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:38,900 - PSSSH. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE MOTHERFUCKER'S REAL NAME. 491 00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,400 I JUST CALL HIM ALFRED, AND HE SNAPS RIGHT TO IT. 492 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,410 I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF PAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER. 493 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,470 HE MIGHT BE MY SLAVE. - TAKE THAT, WHITE PEOPLE. 494 00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:46,840 - [laughs] 495 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,810 YOU KNOW, I DUG YOUR BOOK, MAN, FOR REAL. 496 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,610 - THANK YOU. - THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY. 497 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:51,950 - ALL RIGHT. THANKS. 498 00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,780 - WHEN THAT CHICK SQUIRTED ALL OVER RUNKLE, 499 00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:56,250 I LAUGHED SO HARD, I ALMOST SHITTED MY OWN PANTS, MAN. 500 00:18:56,290 --> 00:18:58,750 - YEAH, RUNKLE'S ALWAYS GOOD FOR A LAUGH. 501 00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:00,320 AND A SHART. - YOU'RE TELLIN' ME. 502 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,730 MOTHERFUCKER'S A WALKING PEZ DISPENSER. 503 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,730 CHHA, CHHA, CHHA, CHHA, CHHA. 504 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,230 [both laugh] 505 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:08,460 - SO YOU READ THE BOOK, HUH? COOL. 506 00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:09,970 - YOU THINK I CAN'T READ, MAN? 507 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,570 WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT TO SAY TO A BROTHER, YO? 508 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,500 I READ YOUR SHIT FROM COVER-TO-COVER, MAN. 509 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:15,400 EVEN THE BORING, PRETENTIOUS PARTS. 510 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,570 YO, I THINK YOU THE GUY TO WRITE MY SHIT. 511 00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:19,740 - WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND? 512 00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:22,710 - SANTA MONICA COP. 513 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,250 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 514 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,250 - LOOK, MAN, I DID THIS RAP SHIT ALREADY. 515 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,250 SOLD GOLD, PLATINUM, ZIRCONIUM, CHECK. 516 00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:32,790 GOT MY OWN ENERGY DRINK, APOCALYPSE WOW. CHECK. 517 00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:36,260 GOT THE FAT-ASS SCARFACE CRIB, CRAZY RIDES, 518 00:19:36,290 --> 00:19:37,930 AND ALL THE PUSSY A NIGGA COULD EAT. 519 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,560 CHECK, CHECK, CHECK. SO WHAT'S NEXT? 520 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,000 THE MOVIES. 521 00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,570 BUT I WANNA DO MY OWN THING, MY OWN MOMENT. 522 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,670 SANTA MONICA COP IS MY EDDIE MURPHY MOMENT RIGHT NOW! 523 00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:48,440 - SO IT'S LIKE BEVERLY HILLS COP. 524 00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,510 - NAH, NIGGA, IT'S SET IN SANTA MONICA. 525 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,810 - OKAY. I SEE THE DIFFERENCE. 526 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,810 - YOU A KINGMAKER, MAN. I WANNA BE A KING, YO. 527 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,680 - YEAH... - YOU IN? 528 00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:00,980 - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT REALLY MY THING. 529 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:03,450 - WHAT THE FUCK ELSE YOU GONNA DO, WRITE ANOTHER BOOK? 530 00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,690 FUCK THAT. LET'S GET PAID, MOTHERFUCKER. 531 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,660 DAMN. - HI. 532 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:10,430 - GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER HERE, MAMA. 533 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,600 [Samurai muttering] 534 00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:13,830 WHAT'S UP, MAMA? 535 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:14,830 - HEY. 536 00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,930 - HANK MOODY, THIS IS KALI. 537 00:20:17,970 --> 00:20:19,740 REMEMBER THIS NAME, KALI. 538 00:20:19,770 --> 00:20:21,440 YO, SHE'S GONNA BE A STAR. GONNA BLOW THIS BITCH UP. 539 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,840 KALI, THIS IS HANK MOODY, THE WRITER/RAPIST. 540 00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:28,010 - [laughs] NICE TO MEET YOU, HANK. 541 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:29,010 - AND YOU-- [drink spatters] 542 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,510 - OH, GOD. SORRY. 543 00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:33,020 DIDN'T MEAN TO GET A PUDDLE ON YOU. 544 00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,880 SORRY. - SHE KEEPS IT COOL FOR SURE. 545 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,550 - WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO ARE ABOUT TO FORNICATE, 546 00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:39,920 WHICH IS TYPICALLY MY CUE. 547 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,390 KEEP IT REAL UP IN THE FIELD, A'IGHT? 548 00:20:43,430 --> 00:20:45,030 - I'M-A KEEP IN TOUCH, MOODY. 549 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:46,900 YOU CAN'T ESCAPE APOCALYPSE NOW, YO! 550 00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:48,500 [slashing sound] WHH, WHH, WHH! 551 00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:08,880 - HASN'T BEEN THAT LONG, DAD. 552 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,990 - UH-OH. 553 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,020 YOU GOT THAT LOOK. - WHAT LOOK? 554 00:21:13,060 --> 00:21:16,460 - THAT DRUNKEN, BOY-CRAZY LOOK. 555 00:21:16,490 --> 00:21:18,360 - PROMISE YOU'LL BE NICE. - NICE? 556 00:21:18,390 --> 00:21:19,830 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M ALWAYS NICE. 557 00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,960 - YOU MIGHT WANNA GET USED TO THIS ONE. 558 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,330 I COULD SEE HIM STICKING. 559 00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,570 - TO MY SHOE, MAYBE. 560 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,570 LIKE AN UNPLEASANT CHUNK OF DOG TURD? 561 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,470 [engine revving] 562 00:21:30,510 --> 00:21:32,810 [tires screeching] 563 00:21:38,010 --> 00:21:39,750 - HEY. 564 00:21:42,690 --> 00:21:46,990 - HOW OLD OF A MAMMAL MIGHT YOU BE, TYLER? 565 00:21:47,020 --> 00:21:48,660 - [chuckles] 24, HANK. 566 00:21:48,690 --> 00:21:50,590 - 24. HMM. 567 00:21:50,630 --> 00:21:53,130 24. 568 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,730 TOUCH TOO OLD FOR MY DAUGHTER, DON'T YOU THINK, MAYBE? 569 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,370 TAD INAPPROPRIATE? - DAD. 570 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,670 - DAUGHTER. - YOU'RE BEING A DICK. 571 00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:00,140 - AM NOT. - AM TOO. 572 00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:02,370 - AM NOT! - HE'S NOT BEING A DICK, BABY. 573 00:22:02,410 --> 00:22:04,070 - BABY? REALLY? - HE'S JUST A CONCERNED FATHER. 574 00:22:04,110 --> 00:22:05,870 YOU KNOW? THE TWO ARE EASILY CONFUSED. 575 00:22:05,910 --> 00:22:07,980 I DON'T THINK AGE IS AN ISSUE HERE, HANK. 576 00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:10,750 BECCA IS WISE BEYOND HER YEARS, 577 00:22:10,780 --> 00:22:13,650 AND I'M NOTHING IF NOT SOMEWHAT STUNTED. 578 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,780 - [laughs] THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR. 579 00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:17,150 - OOH. 580 00:22:17,190 --> 00:22:18,620 - WELL, HAR-DEE-HAR-HAR, KAREN. 581 00:22:18,650 --> 00:22:20,490 SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH. 582 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,430 I'LL TAKE A SNIFTER OF THAT VINO ROUGE YOU GOT THERE, TYLER. 583 00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:27,000 - OH. SORRY, HANK. LOOKS LIKE I KILLED IT. 584 00:22:27,030 --> 00:22:29,730 - ALL BY YOURSELF? AGAIN WITH THE RUDE, NO? 585 00:22:29,770 --> 00:22:33,000 - MAYBE, BUT IT WAS AN INCREDIBLY TASTY SUPER TUSCAN. 586 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,000 YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE. 587 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,140 HANK, LOOK, UM... 588 00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:38,770 I GET IT, I DO. 589 00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:40,880 A YOUNG, GOOD LOOKING GUY SWOOPS IN, 590 00:22:40,910 --> 00:22:42,510 STARTS SNIFFING AROUND YOUR ONE AND ONLY, 591 00:22:42,550 --> 00:22:43,810 AND YOU QUESTION HIS MOTIVES. 592 00:22:43,850 --> 00:22:45,610 IT'S TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. 593 00:22:45,650 --> 00:22:48,180 BUT...I REALLY LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER. 594 00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:49,790 WE'RE HAVING FUN, WE'RE HANGING OUT, 595 00:22:49,820 --> 00:22:50,990 WE'RE KEEPING IT SIMPLE. 596 00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:52,990 AND, UH, I COME IN PEACE, OKAY? 597 00:22:53,020 --> 00:22:54,560 [laughs] IT'S ALL GOOD. 598 00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:56,160 - IT'S ALL GOOD? - YEAH. 599 00:22:56,190 --> 00:22:58,490 - HE'S REALLY CHARMING. - IT'S ALL GOOD! 600 00:22:58,530 --> 00:23:01,130 YOU HEAR THAT, KAREN? IT'S ALL GOOD. 601 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,700 - YES, IT'S ALL GOOD. - IT'S ALL GOOD. 602 00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:06,200 - WE SHOULD GET GOING, BABE. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. 603 00:23:06,230 --> 00:23:08,200 - HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON A SECOND. 604 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,740 IS ANYBODY GONNA SAY ANYTHING? 605 00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:12,810 OKAY, IT'S ON ME, THE DESIGNATED ASSHOLE. 606 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,810 YOU'RE NOT REALLY THINKING OF DRIVING, ARE YOU? 607 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,580 YOU JUST FINISHED OFF A WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE. 608 00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:18,110 - HANK, COME ON. 609 00:23:18,150 --> 00:23:20,550 WHO PUTS WINE IN THE DRINKING AND DRIVING CATEGORY? 610 00:23:20,580 --> 00:23:22,050 - OH, I DON'T KNOW. 611 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,490 MAYBE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST KIDS TO SMARMY LITTLE FUCKS 612 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:28,060 WHO SUCK DOWN SUPER TUSCANS AND THEN GOT BEHIND THE WHEEL? 613 00:23:28,090 --> 00:23:30,560 - AND YOU'VE CERTAINLY NEVER CONSUMED ALCOHOL 614 00:23:30,590 --> 00:23:32,800 AND GOTTEN BEHIND THE WHEEL, HAVE YOU, DAD? 615 00:23:32,830 --> 00:23:34,930 - I HAVE MADE CERTAIN MISTAKES, BECCA. 616 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,570 THIS HAS BEEN WELL-DOCUMENTED. 617 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,930 BUT BECAUSE OF MY FOOLISHNESS, 618 00:23:37,970 --> 00:23:40,670 YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THE SAME ONES. 619 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:43,810 - GREAT SEEING YOU, DAD. ALWAYS A PLEASURE. 620 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,070 - BECCA, WAIT. 621 00:23:46,110 --> 00:23:48,980 - SEE HOW EASY THAT WAS? PROBLEM SOLVED. 622 00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:51,250 SHE'S QUITE THE LITTLE TROUBLESHOOTER, THAT ONE. 623 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,150 IT WAS NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, HANK. 624 00:23:54,180 --> 00:23:57,520 I'M TRULY SORRY IF WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. 625 00:23:57,550 --> 00:23:58,990 TAKE CARE, KAREN. 626 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:01,220 - BYE. 627 00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:02,930 - JESUS. 628 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,490 EVEN FEELS LIKE A CREEP. CLAMMY FUCKIN' MITTS. 629 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:07,130 I DON'T LIKE IT. NOT ONE BIT. 630 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,700 - HANK, YOU'RE HERE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. 631 00:24:09,730 --> 00:24:11,930 IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO LEAVE THINGS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER? 632 00:24:11,970 --> 00:24:14,200 - I THINK I'M GONNA LET THE GROWN-UPS HASH THIS ONE OUT. 633 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,640 YOU KNOW WHERE I STAND. I HATE HIS STUPID FUCKING GUTS. 634 00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:18,070 - AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT, BATESY. 635 00:24:18,110 --> 00:24:20,580 YOUR SUPPORT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. 636 00:24:20,610 --> 00:24:22,510 SERIOUSLY. I COULD FELCH YOU RIGHT NOW. 637 00:24:22,550 --> 00:24:24,050 - YOU KNOW, IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME 638 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,920 A MAN HAS TONGUED MY ASSHOLE-- - SHUT UP, SHUT UP! 639 00:24:26,950 --> 00:24:28,620 - RAIN CHECK. - HE'S KIDDIN', RIGHT? 640 00:24:28,650 --> 00:24:30,290 - YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? - WHAT? 641 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,560 - HE'S YOU. - YES. YOU SAID SO EARLIER. 642 00:24:32,590 --> 00:24:34,220 HE'S LIKE ME, ONLY AWESOMER. 643 00:24:34,260 --> 00:24:36,060 AND I'M NOT SURE I LIKE THE WAY YOU PHRASED IT, 644 00:24:36,090 --> 00:24:38,130 BUT I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND THE SENTIMENT, 645 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,600 AND I CHOOSE TO SEE A COMPLIMENT-- 646 00:24:39,630 --> 00:24:41,630 - HANK, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? 647 00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:44,030 - 'CAUSE I'M A BRIGHT SIDE GUY. - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT RICHARD. 648 00:24:44,070 --> 00:24:45,300 TYLER. - WHAT? 649 00:24:45,330 --> 00:24:46,840 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 650 00:24:46,870 --> 00:24:48,540 THE KID'S A LOATHSOME FUCKING ASSHOLE. 651 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:50,540 - WELL, THERE ARE CERTAIN MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY 652 00:24:50,570 --> 00:24:52,040 WHO SAID THE VERY SAME THING ABOUT YOU. 653 00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:53,140 - YOUR FOLKS, MAYBE. NOT YOUR SISTER. 654 00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:54,880 SHE ALWAYS DUG ME. 655 00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:57,280 SHE USED TO MOLEST ME WITH HER EYES SOMETHING FIERCE. 656 00:24:57,310 --> 00:24:59,650 I COULD TELL. GOT ME A LITTLE WET. 657 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,680 NOT GONNA LIE. 658 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,550 - WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S TAKEN ME THIS MANY YEARS 659 00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:06,690 TO REALIZE YOU ENDED UP WITH THE WRONG SISTER. 660 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,920 - OH, SHE WAS A FOXY LITTLE MINX, THAT ONE, 661 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,330 BUT SHE DIDN'T TURN ON MY HEARTLIGHT. 662 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:13,800 SO WHAT'S THE MOVE HERE, KAREN? 663 00:25:13,830 --> 00:25:15,560 - MOVE? THERE IS NO MOVE. 664 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,100 - NO, THERE'S ALWAYS A MOVE. 665 00:25:17,130 --> 00:25:19,640 - SHE LIKES HIM. HE SAYS HE LIKES HER. 666 00:25:19,670 --> 00:25:22,840 IT WORKS UNTIL IT DOESN'T. 667 00:25:22,870 --> 00:25:24,310 - THAT SOUNDS AWFULLY FAMILIAR. 668 00:25:24,340 --> 00:25:26,140 - I'M NOT IN THE MOOD, HANK. 669 00:25:26,170 --> 00:25:28,580 I'M GOING BACK TO MY LIFE. - YEAH, WHO CAN BLAME YOU? 670 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:29,980 IT'S A NICE LIFE. 671 00:25:30,010 --> 00:25:32,250 WHAT? YOU DID WELL FOR YOURSELF. 672 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,250 YOU GOT A WHITE PICKET FENCE AND EVERYTHING. 673 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,980 YEP. HOME SWEET HOME. 674 00:25:36,020 --> 00:25:37,350 - I KNOW BAIT WHEN I HEAR IT, 675 00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:39,790 AND THIS LITTLE FISHY AIN'T BITING. 676 00:25:39,820 --> 00:25:41,690 GOOD NIGHT. 677 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,930 - GOOD NIGHT, FORMER LOVER. 678 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,830 [cell phone chimes] 679 00:25:53,140 --> 00:25:55,870 OH. 680 00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:58,870 [rock music] 681 00:25:58,910 --> 00:26:06,920 * 682 00:26:12,050 --> 00:26:13,760 [woman moans] 683 00:26:13,790 --> 00:26:16,890 - ONE... 684 00:26:16,930 --> 00:26:18,030 [grunts] 685 00:26:18,060 --> 00:26:22,770 HUNDREEEEEEEED! 686 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,070 I WIIIIN! 687 00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:28,170 HANK, BUDDY, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR YOU COME IN. 688 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,370 HANK, HANK, THIS IS GINGER. 689 00:26:30,410 --> 00:26:33,680 GINGER, THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND AND STAR CLIENT, 690 00:26:33,710 --> 00:26:35,280 HANK MOODY. 691 00:26:35,310 --> 00:26:37,250 - HI, HANK. - HEY, GINGER. 692 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,980 ANY NAKED FRIEND OF CHARLIE'S IS A NAKED FRIEND OF MINE. 693 00:26:40,020 --> 00:26:41,680 - [giggles] 694 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,190 - WHOO-HOO! 695 00:26:43,220 --> 00:26:45,120 WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO! 696 00:26:45,150 --> 00:26:47,690 - WHAT'S WITH THE VICTORY LAP, DUDE? 697 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,690 - IT'S THE HUNDREDTH WOMAN, HANK! 698 00:26:49,730 --> 00:26:52,330 UN CENTO, BABY. REMEMBER? MY QUEST. 699 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,830 - OH! WOW, YEAH. 700 00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:55,730 IT TOOK YOU THIS LONG TO GET TO 100? 701 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,830 WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? OF COURSE IT DID. 702 00:26:57,870 --> 00:26:59,770 - I KNOW, RIGHT? BUT I DID IT. 703 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,810 I MADE MYSELF A PROMISE... AND I KEPT IT! 704 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,970 MY HEART AND COCK SWELLETH WITH PRIDE. 705 00:27:06,010 --> 00:27:07,180 HEY! I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU WERE HERE 706 00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:08,680 TO SEE ME CROSS THE FINISH LINE. 707 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:11,210 - ME TOO. - HOW WAS YOUR DAY, BUDDY? 708 00:27:11,250 --> 00:27:12,780 - WELL, IT STARTED OFF ALL RIGHT, 709 00:27:12,820 --> 00:27:14,180 AND THEN IT GOT A LITTLE WEIRD, 710 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:16,020 AND THEN IT JUST WENT ALL SIDEWAYS AND SHITTY. 711 00:27:16,050 --> 00:27:18,190 - WHAT'D YOU THINK OF SAMURAI APOCALYPSE? 712 00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:21,060 - YEAH. CAN YOU GIVE ME A RIDE BACK TO LAX RIGHT NOW? 713 00:27:21,090 --> 00:27:23,830 - OH, COME ON, COME-- THERE'S NO NEED TO BE RASH. 714 00:27:23,860 --> 00:27:27,030 LOOK, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DRINK, HMM? 715 00:27:27,060 --> 00:27:29,800 CHILLAX, ENJOY THE VIEW! - HEY...NO. NO! 716 00:27:29,830 --> 00:27:32,470 THAT'S HOW IT STARTS, CHARLIE, STOP. 717 00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:36,340 [cell phone tune] 718 00:27:36,370 --> 00:27:38,840 WHO DIS? 719 00:27:38,870 --> 00:27:41,840 OH. WHO? 720 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,180 OH. YEAH? 721 00:27:44,210 --> 00:27:45,950 WAIT. WHAT? 722 00:27:45,980 --> 00:27:48,480 SAY THAT AGAIN. 723 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,950 WOW. WOW. 724 00:27:51,990 --> 00:27:53,820 WHOA. 725 00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:56,790 OKAY. UM... 726 00:27:56,830 --> 00:27:59,730 WELL, THANKS FOR CALLING. 727 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,200 I GUESS. 728 00:28:01,230 --> 00:28:04,030 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES - WHO DAT? 729 00:28:04,070 --> 00:28:06,870 - MY NEIGHBOR BACK IN NEW YORK. 730 00:28:06,900 --> 00:28:08,140 - EVERYTHING OKAY? 731 00:28:08,170 --> 00:28:10,310 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 732 00:28:10,340 --> 00:28:12,810 - MY APARTMENT'S ON FIRE. 733 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,810 * 734 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,010 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES, I'M 735 00:28:18,050 --> 00:28:21,050 * GOIN' AWAY 736 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:24,050 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 737 00:28:24,090 --> 00:28:28,090 * 738 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,260 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 739 00:28:30,290 --> 00:28:33,160 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 740 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,460 * AWAY 741 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,130 * OH, YEAH 742 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:44,110 * 743 00:28:52,510 --> 00:28:55,450 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 52774

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