Original subtitles

This is suburbia, you say.

Land of happy home.

Birthplace of togetherness.

Here is the last bastion of individual crowded tenements. The asphalt jungle.

The invigorating air.

Wide open spaces where a man can breathe, feel alive.

Where a man is able to assert himself again.

Yes, a kiln.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

You little runt. You pipsqueak. You coward.

Hot doggy, dear?

That's what I mean.

Have you any guts?

Yes, and I don't want them spread all over the floor.

You're not a man. You're a mouse.

You're right.

I was a fool to marry you. A fool. You're definitely right.

Did you call me a fool? No, dear. You did.

Why, if any woman talked to me the way I talk to you, know what I'd give her?

One lump or two.

That's what I mean.

We have this place at the pigsty.

Yes, my pig. I mean my beer.

Bad as things are, we're a lot better off than we used to be.

Thanks to me.

These were not in burlesque any longer.

And who can you thank for that?

You, my queenie. The job you've got for me in the city. Then get going, stupid,

and don't be late.

Don't forget, honey, we've got to go to the ball tonight.

Ball? Yes, honey, the sanitation ball.

You mean you're going.

Now, honey, you know I... By yourself.

And Charles, don't you come in here drunk again.

You have one drink, you hear me? Just one.

That's all.

Can I have it out of a tall glass?

And Charles, don't you bring that dirty hound back in this house.

I told you, honey, I got rid of that dog over a week ago.

Yes, I know. But see that you don't try to sneak it back in here.

Because you'll never get away with it, your eye. I can see through you like a

pane of glass.

Yeah, I know.

Which reminds me, I've got to get a new beach ball.

Hello, Herman.

I say hello.

Herman.

Taxi. Net, net.

Net taxi now.

I am of duty.

Ah, Charlie.

Hi.

You scared me, you know.

I did.

I thought it was a fair.

Fair? Are you kidding? I've seen you out here with this cab for years, and I

haven't seen you take one fare yet.

Oh, Charlie, but you know how it is.

I'm not really a taxi driver.

Oh, you're not?

No. Well, what are you?

I'm a genius.

A genius?

Genius. The greatest.

The world's greatest inventor.

Yeah? Yeah, me.

What did you invent? You know, taxi business is just my cover-up.

The taxi's, uh, my, my, my behind.

Yeah. You mean your front. Front. As long, nobody

knows what I am up to.

What are you working on now?

What's your top secret?

Charlie, now I explain.

Only you got to be sworn to secrecy. Scouts honored.

You mustn't reveal it, even under torture.

Okay. Charlie.

It is a time machine.

Time machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time machine? You're out of your mind. It

can't be done.

Einstein said it couldn't be done. Newton and even Edison.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Da, da, da.

But... Vladimir Vladimirovich Voronov says it was possible.

Who is Vladimir?

Listen,

Charlie. So, now I explain.

You know the law of physics, what says?

Go to the bathroom.

That's your law, number 13A.

And imagine it, Charlie.

You get into this machine and speed along so fast.

that pretty soon you are back with Cleopatra lying on her barge, surrounded

by a thousand of naked girls.

For that, cannibals, cannibals, pass the Alps with his, yeah,

cross the Alps with his elephants. The Napoleon...

marching band from Moscow.

Sure. But I don't care about Napoleon, cannibals, Hannibals. Get me back to

Cleopatra and the Naked Women.

Ah, wouldn't that be wonderful?

Can you imagine a man being able to just pack his toothpaste and his toothbrush

and move away from everything?

He moves away from his wife, his trouble, everything.

That, that's the ticket.

And that's what I'm gonna do for the whole world.

Yeah? Yeah, for the world.

Help everybody to get out of it.

Yeah. That's wonderful.

And, Charlie, when I get this thing working, you're going to be the

first passenger.

Oh, sure. Passenger.

Sure, my pal.

Sure. Thanks, Charlie.

Now, back to the old drawing board.

Hey, Professor.

Stop it. We have a very important message from our sponsor.

Okay, Professor, go ahead.

Bye.

Well, there's no supervisor around. Anyway, Napoleon, we might as well have

our lunch.

Come on.

You don't mind if I have any, do you?

You just don't care.

Not

bad.

Arlen, you want to know something?

Maybe Ethel was right.

After all, she did give me this wonderful job working for the city.

She did take me out of those smoke-filled theaters.

Don't you agree, Napoleon?

And Burlesque?

Nothing. Now, who am I kidding?

You know, Napoleon Burlesque was the most wonderful thing that ever happened.

And I was never happier in all my life.

Come to think of it, I can think right now that...

The beautiful sketch of the courtroom scene.

You see, a beautiful woman was accused of killing her husband.

And I played the part of the policeman who was the first one to be on the scene

of the crime.

And, Your Honor, I saw Mrs. Zell standing over the body of her dead

husband with a smoking gun in her hand. Okay, sit down.

All right, Mr. Defense Counsel, you may examine the witness.

Now then, Officer Dumpkoff.

Schwarzkopf. S-C-H-A... Oh, yeah, Schwarzkopf.

Tell me, Officer.

How did you know Mr. Zilch was dead? I felt his pulse.

And? There wasn't any. Aha!

If there wasn't any pulse, then you couldn't feel it.

How's that?

Perfectly simple, Dumpkoff.

Schwarzkopf. S-C-H-A... If there wasn't any pulse, then you couldn't feel it.

And if you didn't feel his pulse, then you don't actually know he was dead.

Step down.

He looked dead.

He didn't say anything.

Hey, maybe he was bashful.

All right, cut out this falderal.

Bring Mrs. Zilch to the stand.

Send in Mrs. Zilch, please.

Ten years hard labor.

I can do that standing on me head. Twenty years, and I'll get you back on

your feet.

Mrs. Zilch, is it true that on the night of June 26th, you deliberately and with

malice of forethought shot the deceased Bertram Zilch to death?

Would you mind repeating that question?

Please, restate the question.

Let's put it this way. Did you go bang, bang?

I had your poor little girl.

That's enough of this browbeating.

Don't you realize this poor woman recently was widowed?

I've had enough of this.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached the verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

What's the verdict?

Our verdict is guilty.

What? You found this poor woman guilty?

Oh, no, not her, Your Honor. Officer Dumkoff.

Not Dumkoff.

Schwarzkopf. S-C-H-W-A-R-T-Z-K

-O-P-F.

Schwarzkopf. Pretty funny, huh? Now, let me tell you about the honeymoon scene.

Undoubtedly the funniest scene I ever did in my life. Now, you see, my wife-to

-be and I, we were just married, and my wife was carrying me across the

threshold.

Ah, here we are, honey.

Married at last.

Yes. You want to leave me down, dear?

You're going to bruise me half.

No. Check me now.

Well, darling, we had a long trip.

Come on, sweetheart, you want to change clothes?

Yes.

I've waited long enough for this, though.

You're doggone right, Jack. Well, I promised to marry you. Kept my word.

I didn't think you were waiting too long, did I?

Only 22 years. 22 years, so what? You were only a little baby one year old,

right? Go ahead, dear. Stay close, and I'll see you later, huh?

Oh, sweetheart, I love you, dear.

I love you.

And when I put my arms around you, I get a feeling that makes me feel when I get

that feeling.

I got too much feeling, honey.

How's everything going, dear?

Fine. Yeah?

Out in a minute.

Out in a minute, yes, sirree.

Out in a minute, she says.

Here I am. Oh, darling, you look absolutely beautiful.

And I do love you, my dear.

I love you, too. I know you do, darling. I think I'll change clothes, huh?

Yeah. You know, oh, baby doll, I'm going to change clothes.

I'm going to change clothes.

Sexy, huh?

Okay.

Now, who can that be? Yes?

Hey, mister, want to buy a dog?

Now, what do I want with the dog?

Well, he'd make a good friend for you. Who needs a friend?

Well, maybe you can use an enemy?

Come on, get out of here.

Come to bed, darling.

Come to bed?

All right.

Yes?

Yes, sir. Could I interest you in some life insurance?

I don't think I'll live till morning. Well, then how about some health

insurance? Who needs health if I'm going to die tonight?

Well, then you must need some accident insurance.

You're right.

I think you're going to have an accident. Get out of here.

Will you come to bed, darling?

Not again. Yes.

Sir, I should like to show you our book on birth control.

Birth control?

Now, what do I want with birth control? I just got married.

Precisely why you should know all these facts.

For example, did you know that for every man who dies, five children are born?

Five? Five.

Excuse me, pal.

Oh, finally.

Ha-ha.

Baby. I just made room for five more kids.

You get it?

Five little ones.

Oh,

well, you wouldn't understand, anyhow.

I might as well.

How do you like that?

I had a sandwich in here I didn't know anything about. Well, I'll save that for

later. That's what I'll do. Oh, well, I might as well go back to work.

Oh, man.

to me.

Yes, my little butterfly.

That's fine.

And remember, Charlie, one drink, that's all you have tonight.

Look at that. Five o'clock.

I forgot all about it. I'm going to be late for the ball.

Matter of fact, I didn't even get my dressing yet.

I'd better get out of here. And now.

Yes? Did you come here by recommendation?

No, by push.

Oh, my, what a big one.

You like that, huh?

Here's a nice suit for you.

Twenty-four dollars only.

And you can keep the hanger.

Never mind the hanger. I'm looking for a certain color.

Is it?

That's a pleasure suit.

Any call you want is in it. No, you don't understand.

I want a tuxedo.

Let me measure you.

What am I, a horse?

Measure you?

Here, this is your size. Try it on.

All right.

I'll try it on.

How do you look?

How do I look?

It isn't too tight. Is it? Are you kidding?

What happens if I get my nose caught in the zipper?

Don't worry. If that happens, we will replace the zipper with a new one.

Salute!

What do you do?

I think I'm catching cold.

I'm going to stay indoors.

Take it off. Take it off. Take it off. Take it off. All right.

Hey, Paisan, where's the towel? All the time I try to get... Hey, this is not

bad. But it's a little too big.

It will fit like a glove.

I have something special for you.

Yeah, well, what's that?

Ah, this hat.

It used to belong to one of our...

You know, that hat looks familiar to me.

Oh, sure. You see?

You've become friends already.

No, no. I mean, I think I've seen it someplace.

Oh, nonsense.

This hat belongs to our family since right after the Civil War.

Yeah, I think it was in the Civil War and got a purple heart.

Ridiculous. The last owner was a public servant and a man of very white habits.

Oh, very cultured, too. He died while attending the theater.

Hey. I think there's something in it.

Looks like a document.

That's an odd thing. It must be an old across the list.

Looks like a document of some kind.

Four score and seven years ago. Never mind, never mind.

Hey, you know something?

This is the silliest looking hat I ever saw in my life.

Gentlemen, the hat recently manufactured by you and delivered to us is

unsatisfactory for our purposes.

It behaves in an utmost peculiar fashion when worn close to the southern

battlefront. or when exposed to a few bars of the Confederate song of Beth

Dixie. The hat is being returned to you under separate cover, signed the

Secretary of War.

No, no, no, no, please, please, please.

What

happened

to the hat?

Listen,

listen, compadre. If I were you and I owned that hat, I would never whistle

Dixie. Ciao, amigo.

Ciao. Bye.

Thank you.

until morning.

Good night.

Ooh.

Hey, where are you going? The masquerade ball?

Don't do that, fella. I'm ticklish.

You ticklish? I'm Moseris. Well, how you doing, Moseris? I'm glad to know you.

No, I shake my hands. I greet you like that. Come on. I take you to King.

Penalty for stranger entering this land is death.

Are you kidding? Come on.

Death... Wait, where are we, fella?

This is the land of Vagmia.

You're telling me.

I wish to speak to the king.

Oh, wise and noble ruler, killer of tigers, conqueror

of dragons, and general hot rock about town, a

lowly servant has a message for you. Let the lowly servant get lower.

I bow before the king.

While you're down there, Scratch my ankle.

The mosquitoes in this cave are terrible.

There is a stranger among us. A little higher.

Oh, that feels good.

This stranger was seen wandering in the field below our cave.

And the law of our land is that anyone entering our land without permission

must die.

Who wrote that stupid law?

You did, great chief.

So I did. But a law is a law.

Now, wait a minute, Kingy, old boy. I want to tell you that my cousin, he

knows something about the clerk. Get down before the king.

As I said before, my Uncle Louie... I said bow before the king. He's like that

with the mayor.

Tell me, stranger, where do you come from?

Pismo Beach.

Pismo Beach?

Oh, yes, that's just north of here.

Well, we're ready with your case.

We're going to try you.

Please, where's the queen?

The queen!

The queen!

Let... The queen comes forth.

Come on, shape up.

Okay, Pudgy, what's the story?

This intruder has ruined the laws of our village.

What are we going to do with him?

I've got a couple of ideas.

Well, what will we do with him?

Suppose we leave him on the mountainside for the tigers.

Oh, there must be an easier way of destroying him.

Hey, wait a minute. Are you sure he's guilty? Of course I'm sure he's guilty.

Well,

I think so.

Wade, my wise and clever husband, perhaps you could think of some sort of

a test to prove whether he's innocent or guilty. Gosh, what an idea just struck

me. We'll put him to a test to find out if he's guilty.

What kind of a test?

Well, why don't you think of something like this?

Have a prisoner searched, and if he carries no weapons on him, That he comes

to us in peace.

Well, what an idea just struck me. We'll have him searched. And if he doesn't

have any weapons, we'll know he comes in peace.

Wonderful idea.

I knew you'd think of something.

All right, have the guards search the prisoner.

Never mind.

I'll handle him.

You're cute.

Search gently.

Don't worry, honey. You're in good hands.

I don't know about good. I know they're strong.

If you're looking for weapons, you won't find them there, kid.

Look, honey, you search your way and I'll search mine.

Stop! Enough!

Halt! Did you search him for weapons?

Well, I searched him for catapults, spears, and broadswords.

I didn't have time to search him for the small arms. Anyway, he's not carrying

weapons. Mm-hmm. That proves he's innocent.

All right, you're proving to this young man you can stay here in our village as

long as you care to if you'll obey our rules.

There's one above all others.

We have a giant here in our village who threatens to kill each and every one of

us unless we present him with a beautiful girl.

So we're offering him the fairest of all.

Where's Bootsmere?

Here I am, Your Highness.

Ah, the innocent Bootsmere. Bootsmere has been promised to the giant.

Should any man take Bootsmere away before the giant comes to claim us, he

will kill everyone in our village.

But on the other hand, should Bootsmere give herself to another man, he will

kill Bootsmere. You know, I think you fellas have found the answer to the

population explosion.

Well, now that you know our rules, come join us in our happy way of living.

What's on the agenda for today?

Today, Your Majesty, and all those assembled,

We celebrate the harvest season.

Let us all go into the orchards and gather the fruit.

So be it. Let the fruit be gathered, but leave some lying on the ground to get

rotten. I love rotten fruit, especially 40 proof.

All right, folks, come on now. All out. Come on, let's gather the fruit. You

gather here.

I'll gather over here. There we go. Come on, get away. Come on, come on, come on.

Our queen approaches.

Let her approach.

Gorax just carried off another of our people.

What? I'm sick and tired of hearing about Gorax.

Stealing our people, killing our people.

Something's got to be done about him.

Why don't we try some sacrificial dances?

Nonsense. I'm sick of this appeasement.

We'll think of something else, some way to get rid of him. We could try it

anyway. All right, have it your way. But nothing good is going to come of it.

Bring on the first dancer.

What are we doing here?

Charlie, the fruit is so much riper here.

I see any fruit.

Oh, Charlie, you're not looking the right place.

I'm going to get out of here. No way.

Let us dally a while.

Dally? No, no. I don't like the price they charge for dallying. Oh, Charlie, I

could make you so happy. Don't be afraid of me.

No? No.

Tell me more, dear. I love you, Charlie.

You do? Hold me and tell me that you love me, too.

I do love you, my dear.

And when I put my arms around you, I get a feeling that makes me feel when I get

that feeling.

I got too much feeling.

Charlie, Charlie, wait. No one will ever know.

No one?

No one. How could they know? Our only witnesses would be the trees and the

flowers and the grass.

The trees, the flowers, and the grass. Yes. That's what worries me. They'll

hang me from a tree, put a lily in my hand, and you'll be a grass widow.

I'm going. Oh, no, Charlie, no. They couldn't force me to tell even if they

tortured me. I love you, and you're mine forever and ever and ever.

Tell me you love me. I don't want to marry Gorak, that horrible giant.

I want you.

And I am yours forever and ever. I got it.

And ever. I got it.

And ever.

Let him be.

Thank the gods you got here in time. He tried to take me by force.

Huh? What happened to forever and ever and ever? He was a madman. He threw me

to the ground and began kissing me and squeezing me and pushing me. You tell

him, Mama.

Charlie is not strong enough.

Now, wait a minute. He's just cute.

Yeah, I guess that's what I am, just cute, yeah.

You tried to give yourself to this man?

If the giant found out, our whole tribe would be destroyed.

For that, you must die.

Don't worry, my dear. They never yet have hung a woman here in this state.

Go!

Let there be silence.

Our great and noble king shall speak.

Oh, I like the way he said that.

Miss Boobsmere, you have been arrested for a heinous crime.

I'll have the wise men help me reach a verdict.

Those are your wise men? Yes.

All right, witness, speak.

Speak. What do you want me to say?

Oh, tell us your story.

Well, I was born in a little old shack in Kentucky.

No, no, no.

Tell us what this woman did to you. Take it nice and slow. I want to get all the

facts. Well, I don't like to tell tales out of school, but she threw me to the

ground. She threw him to the ground.

And then she tore all my clothes off.

She tore his clothes off.

And then she kissed him. And kissed him. And kissed him.

She kissed him.

How many times did she kiss him? Three times or twice?

Three times.

What do you think, shorthand?

Then the queen came in, blew the whistle, and here we are.

Your man.

Well, Miss Boobsmere, before we sentence you, tell us why you committed this

heinous crime.

Stop.

Listen, I hear footsteps.

Maybe the giant is outside.

You, go look.

Go on with your story.

Well, good and honorable king, and wisest of wise men, it was just about

the way he said, and I guess I am guilty.

Take it easy with the kingy boy.

After all, she's a nice kid with a big heart.

Except for one or two things that he left out.

What?

Like he didn't tell you about how he... How he... Now, wait a minute.

Just a darn minute.

Stop. I can't bear to see a woman cry.

Here, wipe your eyes.

Thank you.

Oh, something tells me I've seen you show before.

I'm sorry, Your Honor. I'll try to contain myself.

Honey, if you want to contain yourself, you better have your clothes made two

sizes larger.

Well, like I started to say, he didn't tell you about how he grabbed me and

began shaking me and shaking me and shaking me. Ah, now I know.

This is the old courtroom scene we used to do with Barillette. And shaking me

and shaking me. Stop.

Point that evidence in my direction.

Well, certainly.

And shaking.

And all that shaking. Get on with your worthless story.

Wait a minute.

This girl must give the evidence in her own way.

The queen has a good point there.

All right, let's get on with your story.

So after that, he grasped. I'll show you just how.

Like this.

And then he began squeezing me and squeezing me. Wait. Let her enact that

crime for me.

That's evidence we need in court.

Now, wait a minute. How about showing me, too?

Hey, I'll show you. Never mind.

And that was when he pinched me.

He pinched you?

Uh-huh. I'll show you. Hey, none of that kind of evidence. Hey, we must see the

evidence. Yes, we must see the evidence. Objection overruled.

That's enough of this.

We must reach a verdict.

All right, let's get our heads together.

Now, here's what I want you, Borges. You've got to get to some setting there.

All right, we've reached a verdict.

We find you guilty.

I wasn't even on trial. Stop splitting hairs.

In the morning, you die.

What? Yeah, but you're a lucky man.

You see, in our kingdom, when a man is sentenced to death before he dies...

He will marry the most beautiful girl in all land.

Battleaxe at night, the next day they hang you. You're going to marry a

beautiful girl, so be happy.

Who will be the bride?

The slave girl.

The most beautiful, the most fabulous girl in our kingdom.

All right, everybody, follow me.

We leave Charlie alone with his bride.

This way. Come on, let's get out of here. Come on, come on.

That's it. Come on.

Where are you taking me, fella?

You wait him here.

Me bring you slave girl.

We marry you quick-quick. Tonight you have fun, because tomorrow you die.

Oh, yeah?

Well, don't hurry back, fella.

How do I ever get myself into this mess?

It's that Herman. That guy. He with his nutty inventions.

Wow, I bet this place hasn't been cleaned here in a month.

My maid or anybody else.

What kind of a way is this to run?

Ongabalonga. What's that?

Ongabalonga. That's what I thought you said.

Ongabalonga. Who are you?

Me, Delta, the slave girl.

That's what I thought. No, there's no deal, kid. Not tonight.

You see, I happen to know what the chief is going to have for breakfast tomorrow.

Me.

That's very sad.

Yes, sad for everybody but the buzzards. They like the menu.

We make you forget everything.

We show you a real big ungap a longer time.

I know, my dear, but we're not married. And they said we're going to get

married. Oh, sure.

Yes. We're getting married.

We are getting married?

Yes. Yes.

Now we're married.

Now we're married?

I always told Mother I'd have a big wedding.

Come. We make you very happy.

We make you forget all about tomorrow.

Make me forget all about tomorrow.

Forget who you are.

I forget who am I.

I forget who I am.

I forget who are you.

Forget about the cave.

I forget about the cave.

Forget about the boozards.

Boozards? I forget about the boozards until you reminded me to forget about

them. You're a nice fellow.

What they call you?

Charlie.

Charlie. Oh, Charlie.

All right, have it your way.

Me all the same, they like you very much, Charlie.

You all the same way like me?

Me all the same like you, Zelda.

Only all the same, not tonight.

You got no other night, huh?

Zelda, you hit the head's nail right on the hammer that time.

If I have my whole life to live in one night, what am I waiting for?

Oonga baloonga, here I come.

Sir, may I have a moment?

Huh? I represent the Caveman News, the newspaper with the largest circulation

in the land. Care to see a copy?

This must be the Sunday edition.

Wouldn't you like to come home every night to see a newsboy throw a copy up

to your steps?

Who you got for news, boys? King Kong? We've got the finest cooking column ever

written. For example, there's a wonderful recipe for head cheese, and

this is you.

Do you know how to make head cheese?

No. Well, first you take a head.

Let's forget the rest of it. And all our reporters are top flight.

Do you know what it takes to make a good reporter?

No. It takes a nose for news.

So, first you take a nose.

Wait a minute, fella. Who do you work for, the Cannibal Gazette? And our sport

news, that's our specialty.

We've got the leading authority on caveman football.

Do you know how to play football?

Yes. First you take a foot, and then you kick the ball.

Where was I, child?

Oh, yes.

Oonga-baloonga.

Here I come.

I beg your pardon, sir.

I beg your pardon. I'm from the Neanderthal Life Insurance Company. Now

that you're married, you should want to take care of your wife. I do. Believe

me, I do.

We have a policy that insures you against everything.

It covers you against erupting volcanoes.

It covers you against saber-toothed tigers, dinosaurs,

and also falling stalagmites.

Falling what?

Falling stalagmites, you know, those pointed rocks that hang down from the

steel. Yeah, but we got rid of our falling stalagmites.

Well, what about rising stalcites, you know?

So, have you ever sat down on a rising stalcite?

I don't think I'd like to, no.

Well, then you want to be also insured against the loss of your wife's

services. You darn right I do. And I'm going to take out a policy right now.

Come on, get out of here.

Oonga-baloonga.

Here I come.

I beg your pardon?

Yes? I don't want to interrupt you two children, but I've got something

important to do.

Really? I've got a pot of chicken soup cooking. So you'll pardon me while I

check up.

Chicken soup?

I don't know.

I'm not sure. Taste it and tell me if it needs salt.

No, thank you very much. I'm sure that it's all right. As a matter of fact,

when I look at you, I know that you must be the perfect cook. And anything you

make would be perfect.

Oh, you're such a nice boy.

Thank you.

I've got a daughter.

She's a gorgeous girl. She'd make a fine wife. You're a doctor, maybe?

No. Then a lawyer is good, too.

I'm not a lawyer, either.

Okay, so maybe you're only a dentist.

I'm also not a dentist.

So a bum like you wants to marry my daughter. The likes of you. This is what

I read. I want you to know that

you're lucky that I don't lose my temper.

doing to me? Come on now, fellas. Don't twirl around.

Will you cut it out? What are you doing to me, boy?

What is this? What is this, huh?

This here is what someday will be called a catapult.

We take a tree and we bend it down and we tie it with this rope and then I take

an axe like this.

I cut the rope and zoom!

You go through the air and you end up on those rocks up there.

and you splatter all over like a pancake.

You're really going to like it.

You see those buzzers up there? Buzzards.

Buzzards. They'll zoom down, and they'll devour you.

They'll eat me up. Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, come on, fella. Don't be a nut. Look, I'm not that type, anyhow.

And besides, look at my skin. It's too tough. They won't like that.

Look, will you do me one favor before I die? What's that?

Help!

I'm a man.

You know, man.

Me, man.

You appetizer.

Appetizer? I'm not even a salad.

Hey, why don't you get Moser's and Joser's? They'd make a good sandwich for

you.

Capital idea.

Then later for dinner, you first. Not me first, fella. Look, not even that.

If I were you and your own attack, I would never whistle this in.

John!

You deserve it. From now on, you're the chief. You wear the crown.

I'll wear that miserable-looking hat you're wearing. Please, don't say

anything about the hat. Here, you have the crown.

Oh, by the way, where is Elvis?

The slave girl? Yeah. She went that way. Good.

I will be chief. I'll be medicine man.

I'll be anything you want, but not without Zelda.

What does he see in that skinny-looking dame? With hair like a cornfield, lumps

all over.

Well, it takes all kinds of people to make up a world.

Hello, girls. I'm looking at Zelda.

I guess she isn't here.

Hello, Zelda, honey.

Charlie, what is this monster?

Oh, honey, that's not a monster. It's an automobile.

Would you believe it? This automobile can kill more people in one day than a

dinosaur can kill in 20 years.

But it's inside.

You like that?

Zelda, honey.

Don't touch anything now, honey. Charlie, the monster, it's crawling at

me.

Charlie, you don't know it's me.

Honey, please don't do that. Now, don't touch anything I told you.

Charlie, Samantha is coming to life. Now, come on. Will you get out of there,

please, honey?