Original subtitles

This is Willard, a men's college.

One mile away is Fulton, a women's college.

You heard of the sexual revolution?

Well, I'm probably one of its first casualties.

Paxton Quigley.

That's me.

I'm being held prisoner in the attic by these three chicks.

And they're trying to torture me to death.

Trying to kill me.

They call this torture.

Paxton Quigley, and I'll take you on a tour around the groovy little subculture

of today's female.

And he's feeling kind of rough now.

Feeling kind of slowed down by the life that he leads.

But things just couldn't be worse.

But he's out of condition.

A case of malnutrition. You are going to see Paxton Quigley.

Turn around, take a look at yourself and wonder why.

Your world is coming to an end, but there's no use in crying over spilled

milk.

The boys here at Zeta claim the guy made over 50 scores by the time he was a

sophomore, Mary. Where'd you get that?

Money give it to you?

Yeah, how'd you know?

Those kind of movers like any sort of heart, you know what I mean?

Cold, hard bastards.

Come on, let's go boogaloo some more, please. Okay? Come on.

so damn special about my rump?

Well, it just kind of hovers there above the stool like a timid hummingbird.

Fly off, please.

Firm female butts on the West Road's public property.

Who am I? I forget.

Whom I forget.

I'll leave you to your fixations.

God save me from these loud, nasty children.

Omnes, omnes, non son, forgive me.

Omnes are bastards, huh?

Yes, indeed, and dreadfully boring.

Kierkegaard says that boredom started in the Garden of Eden when Adam got bored

stiff walking around all day long in his birthday suit, so he created Eve.

Soon the two of them got bored stiff together as man and wife.

And they had Cain and Abel and they all four were bored as a family.

Kierkegaard calls it the aesthetic validity of marriage.

Are you serious about that?

About what?

About him writing that, are you?

I'm not about to make it up.

Don't scroll around about this, you hear?

Would you take your hand off my arm, Captain? Do you have it in black and

white? Relax.

Show me. Show me.

Uh, General, would you take your hand off my arm? Don't screw around.

I'm sorry. I get carried away sometimes.

Sorry.

Not too many chicks get turned on by the printing page these days, anyway.

It's, uh, too linear for them.

You were putting me on a ticket.

Some girls you quote Kierkegaard, you quote Jeanne.

Open a book with them and it's like pulling down the covers of a bed.

For the time, one can well enough endure living together.

But it would keep open a way of escape.

So as to be able to choose if a happier choice might offer itself.

This reduces marriage to a civil arrangement.

Yes.

This thing's quite a guy.

My name is Aston Quigley.

Toby Clinton.

You came on like such a clown before that.

God, not another one.

You know, we all make mistakes, don't we?

Do we really?

Can't figure out what to make of it, hardly.

Make of what?

You, Clinton.

I mean, you know, they hate to see a stud grounded.

Relax.

The fact's been silly, old man. It's just, uh, we're spending the summer

together in Provincetown. Did I hear that?

You heard it.

Shh.

What was it? It was a squirrel.

All right.

I love you madly.

Look, Paxton, everyone, including Simone de Beauvoir, says you're not in love

unless once in a while you try and play it.

So? Well, how come we never fight?

Paxton, look at me here.

Look at me, Paxton.

Well, damn it, Paxton. I'm trying to be domestic.

Here.

Get a kiss from her?

Baxter, not in the kitchen.

The gooey Demetrius fought to struggle free.

Managed to fling a karate chop at the huge claw.

You've got to, he cried.

But the Ramadan just left its plastic laugh.

It's the mass labor day exodus.

As of tomorrow, the beach is going to be all ours.

Except I'll keep the ocean. You can have all the sand.

How are you?

Mommy and Daddy, this is Paxton Quigley. He lives right down the street, and he

just came by to play his guitar for me.

Very talented, he really is.

We decided, why should you travel all the way home to New Jersey?

On the bus, or however, when we could drive up here and collect you.

Mother, why don't you sit down and please me? I promise you, the drive is,

Daddy, it's altogether exhilarating.

Daddy, why don't you sit down?

It's such a surprise for me. I mean, I can't tell you.

Daddy, why don't you sit down and be comfortable, please?

Your daughter is living in sin.

You're coming home with us right now, young lady. Where are your things? We're

going to be adults about this. We're going to discuss this in an adult way.

Didn't quite catch the name.

May I ask you something, Mr. Quigley?

Why the hell aren't you in that bedroom defending my daughter against my wife?

You know, she's not a little girl anymore.

I mean, she wouldn't feature that kind of help.

Would you like a drink?

Yes.

with children, young man.

Looks nice. Leave it there.

You must have some heart.

I have.

You two have been playing house up here all summer, hmm?

Yeah, I suppose.

Suppose, Mr. Quigley? What the hell does that mean?

Well, suppose, suppose, Mr. Quigley, that why don't you have a drink?

I don't need it.

Crap.

What kind of man are you?

Well, I think I... I know, I know.

I know where it's at.

You think you know what?

I know my way around.

Are you one of those potheads?

No, but... A pansy?

No, and... I've never interfered.

A sensible father doesn't.

Understand, my daughter may sleep with anybody she cares to so long as he's a

man.

Why do I let them get to me like that? Why can't I learn to ignore them?

God, we were so good together, Pax.

Look, I'll call you at the end of vacation, okay?

Maybe we need this time apart.

She better not be pregnant, young man.

Where has she been for the past five years?

At the movies?

Two weeks in solitary with Mama and Toby Sprung.

No!

Take us a trip, yes.

Can you give a girl a lift?

What you got there?

Yamaha. Does it bite?

Come on, I got a woman waiting at Ford Hall. Where you going? Dewey.

Where you from, boy? Willard?

Hey, do you know Walter Zimmerman there?

Yeah.

Man, has he gone and got himself some reputation.

I swear.

What kind of reputation?

Well, now, they claim he's the absolute wildest bedmate there is at Willard.

My friends are prone to make that claim.

Yes, sir.

Hey, do you think poor dog can keep a bit, baby?

I'm Euless.

I'm Walter Zinnerman.

I could just tell by the way you was a-sittin'. Dirty, dirty.

Never took much to shake up a Willard.

Hey, boy, you ever been painted?

Come on, get on. Oh, I forgot.

Ford Hall.

Hush my naughty mouth.

Sheem on me.

Where do you paint?

Far, far from Ford Hall, baby.

You almost through?

Oh, Quiggy, honey, just...

Cool it.

Dang, but you fussy.

Euless, honey, you just an outdone yourself.

It is just a gas, a total gas.

Beautiful.

That's only my face.

Why was I naked?

I just wanted to take a little peek.

Because fair is fair.

And it looks like I owe you one.

But first, why don't we get a little something to eat down at the shack?

I told you I got to be at Fort Hall.

Now, I'm telling you, Popesy.

So then I transferred my butt from this Howard place.

I mean, you never seen such going on.

First you got them black, black militants.

Just a-screaming and a-raving and just carrying on something awful.

Then there's the other half.

The whitest Negroes you ever laid your eyes on.

By the soulful as a toilet plunger.

Made me sick.

Nobody knew where it was at.

But Eunice knew, honey. She was out dancing up a storm each and every night.

Shoot.

Oh, damn watermelons.

You don't get shook up too easy, do you, babe?

Well...

Oh,

damn watermelons.

So, Poopsie?

Well, the question is whether a bigoted negress and a

bigoted wasp can find happiness together in the middle of Vermont.

Oh, we'll see. We'll see.

He's sort of retired for a while.

Bless me, the boy retired.

That's a right one.

Tease him, tickle him, but don't let him tie you down.

Eyesight's failing lately, son.

Can't make out much.

Mighty can.

Best $3 cabin.

Yours for $1.50. Great.

You need any help?

You just holler, son.

You just holler.

You're very passionate.

What did he ask you for? Some luggage or something?

I've got to do these damn research papers and I'll be up all night writing

on them.

Look, you know my first interest was always academic. Come

on, stop frowning.

That's better.

Got something to tell you, Paxton.

What?

I gots to be in love first.

Well,

well.

Well, well, what?

You show off to me.

And I was seduced.

No two ways about it.

You sure you know Toby?

Uh, it's hard to say.

Hey, Jake, uh, do you think I'm losing my moral fiber?

Huh?

Well, I've been waiting around for some guilt or something, but, uh... Nothing.

Look at me and tell me what you see.

Someone you used to know who feels so all alone.

Can't you see that I've changed?

Oh, you.

I'm working on a scheme here.

A scheme?

Well, I know these two girls who have an apartment in North Adams. They're

driving to California for the winter and they're looking for someone to sublet.

You could move right out of Zeta Chi and we could live together again.

You could commute to school.

Yeah.

Dessert? Is there any dessert?

Look, Paxton, what's the bitch?

What's the what?

It was pretty obvious from the way you took over that flower jaunt through the

woods. Would you get off my ear?

I mean, you could have inquired whether I was interested in moving into that

apartment or not.

But hell no, you already packed my bags for me.

Just lost a dime.

What?

I think just a bit.

I hate plastic plates.

What kind of bed?

Push it out.

Just turn off the water.

One evening at home, Daddy said... He was slightly parted. He made me a wager.

He said, Daughter, you inform your mealy-mouthed beau that you're going to

rent an apartment for the both of you near school for this winter.

He said, I'll bet you ten cents against the rent that he either splits or flips.

He said young movers like that Mr. Quigley like to spend the summer months

playing house, but they like to spend the winter under the protection of a

fraternity house banner.

So, of course, I put my money on you.

Ten cents isn't very much money, is it?

That whole apartment bit this afternoon was a put-up.

A test?

Yes, it was a test.

Damn you, Clint.

Now wait.

Hey. Fly off.

Hey. Where's John in this place?

Hey. Fly off, I said.

Better stand up or your butt's going to catch cold.

I said stand up.

You know, if you're really rotten to some women, then they'll do anything for

you. Man, it's amazing.

You wanted an opinion, right?

Yeah, but no way. You wanted an opinion, right?

Look, her old man put her up to it. She just was... Quick, once they start

testing you, once the game's started, you might as well... Yeah, I know it.

But... Look, I just ask you a question.

Have you put all your marbles in the wrong basket?

You'd say so.

I'd say you better think about it good.

Phone, Quig.

Hey, Quig, phone.

Uh, how'd you find out where I was?

Contacts.

What was the matter?

Well, uh, look, I'm not a free agent. You can't keep calling me...

was pouring down on Quiggy, too.

And then I doused this lilac perfume all over every inch of me, Quiggy. And I

thought, now, why should my perfume parts be going to waste?

You're being obscene, and I'm going to hang up because I can't stand it.

Nothing on under my robe.

Oops, my sash just came undone. My, my.

Quiggy, you coming over?

You just leave it back to Dewey on my talk, okay?

Yes, sir.

Did you have to land just there, sir?

My flower collage.

Unsalvageable.

What's the real horticultural cosmos?

Venus?

Mars?

Saturn?

Frankly, I did not expect the apocalypse so soon.

Damn birds.

Is this where the hippies hang out down here?

I wouldn't know.

What caused your sprint?

It's hard to say.

Samantha? Janet.

Janet. Janet Sarah Weingarten.

Do you think it possible for a woman to be both Jewish and psychedelic at the

same time?

Neither do I, actually.

Did you know you give vibrations of extreme inner tension?

Yeah, that could be.

Are you good at conflicts?

Bad.

And even worse at being put on. It makes my petals wilt.

May I ask you something?

Would you say that I scare men away?

Yeah.

I'd say you scare men away.

In fact, I'm planning on running back up that hill faster than I ran down it.

Are you good at conflicts?

You might be better to stick around a bit, Mr. Quigley.

Who said that?

I'm afraid it was I, Mr. Quigley.

Huh?

Once in a while, my id simply takes over, and it speaks with a voice of its

own. You see, my id does not realize that I am the product of the

conservative lox and bagel upbringing.

Well, what does your id think?

Maid thinks that you have soft eyes.

Do you care to discuss it?

Look, the only place I discuss anything with women is in bed.

I do.

Yeah?

New record, son?

Uh,

no, no, Bobby.

Listen,

baby.

Look, Ulysses, baby, a midterm is a midterm.

Don't forget.

If you need any help... All right.

But what do you want me to do? You want me to flunk out?

I was on my way until I remembered.

Right. Yeah, keep your robe closed till tomorrow night.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, am I ever. Yeah.

Right.

Huh?

I asked, do you like my magic brownies?

Do I like them?

Oh, yeah.

my hand.

The

scrawling in my

hand.

The pastry seems to have rendered you immobile.

I always thought you had to smoke this stuff.

Oh, no.

My super ego would never allow that.

Even when I bake these goodies, I'm forced to close my eyes and Pretend that

it's nothing.

You really do have some fierce hang-ups, don't you?

Really?

Nasty.

You share my thing for miracles?

Huh?

Please. Well, you tickled me.

I've never been so zonked in all my life.

How come this afternoon I overwhelmed your id that way?

It responds to men who are compassionately defiant. I'm

afraid.

Loose mind type bod, huh?

Is it so terribly obvious?

even stimulate me. I'm just so... Hung up?

Forget it.

When did it all begin?

Well, uh... I was in junior high school. The assistant swimming coach, he, uh...

Oh!

We've made your miracles, I'm afraid.

All this time I thought I was queer.

Paxton.

Cuddle me, Paxton.

In a minute.

In a minute.

Thank God for faggots.

I sometimes think that faggots... Let's make it worth more chicks than guys do.

Did you ever think of that?

Yeah, I was seduced.

Miracle.

Yeah.

Yeah, she sounds like a definite loser to this jam.

Ah, but think of the challenge, man. The concept of it, negotiating three birds

simultaneously at a school that small.

Wow.

You're still strung out on the toads, right?

Yeah.

More than ever.

Jake, what... You know,

before toads, I ran around nailing chicks right and left like a madman, you

know? And then I meet a chick who puts me at ease, and here I am again running

around nailing chicks right and left again like a madman. I mean, it doesn't

make sense.

Jake, you're only a victim of the times. Why fight it?

Well, I thought I'd grown some soul.

You grow potatoes.

You don't grow souls.

Now, look, this Jan, where does she live?

Uh, Marlowe.

Near Ford?

Hmm. Near Dewey?

Quigg? Hmm.

Near Dewey?

Uh, it's across the street.

Oh, wait a minute.

I couldn't pull it off anyway, I guess.

All the maps, diagrams.

Suicide.

The concept of it, though, man.

Yeah, but that's not the point, Jake.

No, but... Okay.

We'll call the story over here, right?

Administration be here.

We'll call this Ford.

Oh, wait.

You know something, Quig? You never answered me before when I said, why

fight it?

You're going into Ford, point X.

Suddenly you come upon Jan right here.

She's walking slowly but steadily in a westerly direction.

All right.

You turn and run toward wall, point Y.

B, you walk straight past Jan toward Ford.

C, you cut across the green to Dewey, 17 seconds at full run.

Uh, A.

Wrong. B, you walk past.

B, I walk past. Snap to it, man. I am snapping.

Hey, man, won't the guys in the house be level?

After all that gas they've been handing you. It's the Quigs' comeback.

In fact, I want you to spread the word that I'm secretly pinned to Toby. What?

Look, either you do it or you brag about it. Not both.

Just think of the challenge.

Tuesday, recuperate from Monday. Book, house, football.

Wednesday.

Thursday, you're at home.

Friday, Saturday, Toby.

Sunday, recuperate from Toby.

January, she insists.

Book, watch Bonanza.

I just gotta stop this, Jake. It's flipped out of control.

I know.

I got it. I know.

No, I just got it. I know.

Why are you all hunched over like that? I got the stabbing pain.

Moxton, you are ash white.

Shh. I'll be all right.

I'll be all right.

I'll meet you back in the lab.

Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna.

Om. Om.

Hare Krishna.

Hare Krishna.

Om.

Damn it, Paxton.

It's just not my bag.

Pax, you're fighting it. I know you are.

Look, it's like when you take a wad of dough in your hands.

And you start working it, working it to get the lumps out.

Well, that's what meditation does to your mind.

Do I give you the lumps lately, Dolly?

Occasionally.

Lately, quite a few.

What do you mean?

It's nothing specific.

You remind me a little of a tap dancer, that's all.

Like you feel obligated to keep me constantly entertained.

Well, is that bad?

Very lumpy.

You want to listen to this and tell me what you think of it?

One of yours?

See the smoke that forms its own design Blurs the light and

disappears

You reach out for his hand and you will find he's left behind.

No trace except the tear.

Who can tell what time may bring?

We can only guess.

No, no, men don't leave you anything.

Women leave your land.

Well.

Jesus, Paxton.

It's, uh, for you.

It's an anniversary present. I mean, I haven't given you anything in a whole

goddamn year, so...

West of the Mississippi.

Almost missed it, Quig.

The whole show.

Pig night, Quigley.

What's a pig night without the Quig?

We looked all over for you.

All the guys.

There's still some of them down there.

Thank you.

in about ten days?

Fine. You'll have to sign a lease.

Don't give me a chance to clean it up.

Um, 24th of February.

And what is your name?

Paxton Quigley.

Paxton. P-A-X-T-O-N Q-U-I-G-L-E-Y.

Would you sign it here, please?

I do, you do, he does, she does. I do, you do, he does, she

does. Bridget, would you like to say that for me, hon?

I do, you do, he does, she does. Beautiful, baby.

Who recalls from last time when you used the word teach and when you used the

word learn?

the board again.

You've been tailing me as something, Quiggy, huh?

Coincidence.

Comes on like Aunt Jemima and turns out to be like Ralph Bunch.

Shut my mouth.

We all got our funs, Quiggy, hon, and you just don't appreciate nobody messing

with hers.

Got it?

Nobody.

Uh, hey.

Hey.

Did I hear double negative?

Sheesh.

Women are always a mystery.

And you don't solve any part of that mystery by going to bed with them.

Because in bed, they can really confuse you.

Suppose the Tobes has already moved in, huh?

No. I haven't even told her about it yet.

Telling her tonight.

You're our first vinegar.

Nothing like a grown man weeping.

Oh, by the way, Jan and Ulyss are fair game again.

If you deem yourself capable of rising to the occasion.

I'd take a tough lacrosse game any day.

Hey, Quick, you want to get hung up in a split level with automatic sprinklers,

do you?

I could use some help tomorrow.

Jake, there's too much I don't understand.

I've got to try and find out what still makes a difference.

With Obie helping me, I... I love

her, Jake.

Jake.

I've got your gloves.

In some week, Paxton, it really has.

Yeah, I know.

There's so much I've got to tell you.

Paxton, I have something of yours.

What?

Huh?

Follow me, please.

It's something you never collected.

And what's up there?

Close the door behind you, Paxton.

What's up?

Huh?

Where are you?

I think you're really going to like the place I got.

It was on exhibit this week at the Student Art Gallery.

I walked by and I looked naturally.

I looked again, but again.

Toby, um... It's signed Euless.

Well, now, look who done shown.

I swear.

It didn't take her very long to find my way about to earn.

And I tell you, we done some chatting last Tuesday afternoon.

You take a good look at her, Poopsie.

Because she didn't carry it on similarly for the last four days, non-stop.

Toby. But then, I got to figure.

Now, if I'm Mondays and Thursdays, Toby is Fridays

and Saturdays.

Queer as a three-dollar bill, huh?

Seven nights a week, huh?

You ought to thank the Lord it didn't fall off.

I think it's excruciating that you've betrayed a love so pure as hers.

Well, now, the three of us here, we've thought up something for you.

And I sincerely hope you like our little dish. Okay.

There's a sleeping bag over there.

It's a natural studs paradise up here.

I'll be seeing you by and by.

Look, if anybody finds out about him being in the attic, we all three swear

to deny any knowledge of him being there.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Jan, when are you going to call me?

Because we've got to keep that poor boy busy.

I have eight o'clock art class, but I'll be back here at ten, and I'll make it

back at two, and at six.

Poor Paxton. He just ain't going to believe all this action.

I just might paint another picture.

And you better believe I'm not about to give in first.

I hope.

Pete Frigley, 198-2006-Z4, has missed his last five political science

classes and seven chocolate seminars.

Let's send out a photograph and description to all the surrounding

colleges and ski resorts.

Let's check with his fraternity house first, but don't notify his parents.

At least not yet.

You know, it's medically impossible to kill anybody this way.

I'm going on a hunger strike.

No more hanky-panky.

Out of commission.

Dr. Eden here. Dr.

Eden? Well, where's the poor boys on Farm Australia?

Do what you can.

The way Quiggy loves steaks, he ought to be polishing that off now and stuff.

Toby? Hmm?

Don't you think we'll, um... Perhaps he's paid by now, really?

Look, Jen, you listen. I can carry on by ourselves. You hear?

Merely an observation.

Frankly, I'm getting very bad vibrations.

Uh, and although I know not, um...

precisely what manner of beast they have captivated up there in that attic.

As a member of the dormitory council, I felt it was my duty under our honor

system to report.

Dean.

What's your guess exactly?

Offhand? Hmm.

Oh, well, um... I'd say that it was a carnivorous mammal

of some sort.

They've taken to feeding its steaks.

Possum? No.

Raccoon? No.

Larger, I suspect.

I'd say a bear cub or a fawn or God knows what. A

sibling kangaroo. I don't know. It's something that they've labeled Quiggy.

Quiggy?

You will leave my name out of this completely, Dean.

Not one of these women is majoring in zoology or a related field.

You don't think it could be just sort of a hallucination?

No.

Good day, Miss Cronwitz.

Oh, good day.

Just a minute.

You will leave my name out of this completely.

Couldn't he have a heart attack at 20?

With no fresh air and all that. Look, it's his choice here.

He wanted all three of us at once.

Well, he's got all three of us at once.

Girlfriend's one of ours.

Toby Clinton.

Yes, Gilda, yes.

Uh, who's the young man?

198-200-6Z4.

P. Quigley, for short.

The dean insinuated we might know more than he does about how to find him.

Check it out, dear, and call me back.

Right.

Euless. Euless.

I'm dying.

I'm really dying.

I don't believe it.

What's the matter, baby?

Ain't you been eating your weed, Joe?

You smell the nice steak I brought you.

Oh, come on now, man. You can't pee down like this.

You got every man's dream.

And if you give up now, why, it's like saying, man can't cut the mustard.

What you need is a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

11 a.m.

I mean, I ain't never seen no boy so thoroughly pooped before.

But it's almost two weeks.

I mean, really quite a lot, so suppose he... Look, we all agreed here.

Well, I got a painting to finish.

You stay good now.

With the quig in list, do you really think?

Yeah, right after Cassius Clay.

Gotta find the quig.

Gotta keep trying.

I mean, it's almost two weeks now.

Slater and I scouted every motel on Route 9 again this afternoon. Nothing.

Not a trace.

So, we can't stop till we find them, guys.

Can't stop.

Yes, I will be there, Dean Nazrin.

10.30 tomorrow morning. But I was wondering if you could tell me what it's

all about.

Yes, I... All right, I'll be there.

If I could, I wouldn't.

A student is rumored missing from Willard.

A carnivorous beast is rumored crawling about in the attic of Ford Hall.

But only I, Dean Nazarin...

have made the necessary connections.

What happens now?

Let's decide, shall we?

He deserves the very worst. That's all I have to say.

Really?

He seems to be getting the very best this Quigley.

I have some news that might interest you, Miss Clinton.

Toby.

A woman's progressive college is not a priori a whorehouse.

Do I make myself clear?

This is not a joke. It is not a prank.

He deserves the very worst.

Revenge.

He betrayed you.

This quickly.

Isn't this chap clever enough to escape?

He's been outmaneuvered.

Outmaneuvered, really.

Well, isn't this quickly... Wouldn't he just smash down the door and run off?

If he's being imprisoned against his potent masculine will.

We've zapped his strength.

Zapped his strength. I don't...

Oh, yes, I see.

He's not dead by any chance.

Dying.

Well, now.

Not that I sympathize or condone. I don't certainly.

However, if you should smuggle him out of here and back to Willard by noon,

without anyone's knowledge, I may just have

amnesia.

No.

No?

No.

You offered him your love, and he done you wrong.

But you don't understand.

He took it completely, and he gave me his.

And we're not that kind of people.

We mock things like that.

We weren't born to trust and believe.

Miss Clinton. Please.

You don't teach somebody how to laugh out loud and then behind her back.

Well, you just don't do that.

When does he get his freedom?

If I may ask.

When he tells me why.

Perhaps he can't really account for his actions, Miss Clinton.

Can you?

Who in the world knows how men think?

And they're such a guilt-ridden lot.

When he searches time, contact me.

I own the station wagon.

A man can only stand so much, believe me.

I'm doing this my way. You're obsessed, that's why.

Ain't you got no sense at all? I ask you, child, how can a woman spite

herself so for falling in love?

Because you just ain't killing him, you're killing you.

And that's a fact.

Oh, Toby, the one's easily tamed ain't even worth catching, sugar.

Toby, let him go.

True education takes place outside of the classroom.

Imagine calling a class for such a thing. Why not?

It's certainly as important as Easter.

their decision to free you.

Do you understand?

Paxton.

Paxton.

God, it doesn't make sense without a reason. God, Paxton.

It makes no sense.

He should never have stayed in bed.

It's incredible.

And insofar as your shamefully indiscreet behavior casts a dubious

shadow on the reputation of this school, you have done it a criminal, dear

Bervin.

I alone am responsible, not them.

This morning, at its meeting, the Judiciary Committee voted in favor of

immediate suspension.

Oh, shucks, they're going to reclassify me, won't they?

Dean Nazrin tells us there's more in this than meets the eye.

Any comments?

Toby?

The fact of the matter is, ladies, that after the committee voted to suspend

you, they then voted to suspend the suspension, owing to a... Negative

publicity. That might result.

You're going to wrap the whole thing?

Not exactly.

The obvious conclusion for someone not familiar with these peculiar facts would

be that this Quigley chap lodged himself in the attic unknown to anyone at Fulton

College, student or otherwise.

We are informing his school to that effect. We are informing you.

Quigley gets the shaft.

Mama.

And then we'll take off, Quig, you and me, and we'll hunt her down.

We'll do what?

Hunt the bitch down.

She's got a lot coming to her.

Check where you checked the dorm again.

Get in, for God's sake.

Buster?

Fine.

Not exactly.

I'm just going to go off and sort it out in my mind and think and be alone for a

while. That's all.

Non-swimmers should never leap bare-ass into the sea of love.

Pardon?

I mean, my dear, the sea of love is full of squid.

However, some of us find it much too dry on land.

Quigley?

You better get your white butt out of that bed right now, and I do mean fast.

Paxton Quigley's had the cold.

And he's feeling kind of down.

Paxton Quigley's had the cold.

You have your luggage.

Drop me a line, would you?

to see Patrick Quigley.

Bye, my dear.

True love just makes me sick.

Let me talk to you.

Toby, you gotta...

Listen, Tobes, you've got to understand.

We've come through.

Now listen, kid, I want you...

Well,

Harry, I suppose you envy Paxton Quigley, hmm? Well, you know, 50 scores

by the time he was a sophomore means 200 before he graduates.

Boy, Sybil, to be 19 again, huh?

You were never 19.

Funny. Real funny.

Paxton Quigley's had the courts.

Scooby-Doo-woo.

What are you doing, Harry?

I'm looking for my keys.

Oh, there they are.

You know,

in my day, girls wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

wouldn't dream of it. Well, times have changed. I mean, there's been a sexual

revolution, you know what I mean?

Yeah, but remember, honey, you're on the losing side.

Terrific. Terrific, honey. Bad.

Say, honey, when's the last time we were in the attic, huh?

You know what I mean?

Forget it, Harry.

There's not even standing room up there.

Yeah, it figures.

Paxton Quigley had three girls in the attic. I got two old sofas, three

mortgages, and no girls.

I'll show her. I'm still a tiger.

Once a tiger, always a tiger.

It's like riding a bicycle. You never really lose the neck.

Paxton Quigley's had the course.

Cool it, will you, Harry?

Look, next time we're going to a musical. That's all I can tell you. A

musical. Good night, Sybil.

Good night, Harry.