Original subtitles

Boy can't piss, Tars.

That happened to Tars sometimes.

Tars pee on foot.

Say, Tars, what happened to the vine?

Oh, vine no good.

Tars swing out on it one day and it breaks.

Tars fall on ash.

Now Tars get new aluminum ladder.

Where'd you get the ladder, Tar?

Great white ladder hunter.

He come by one day.

Aluminum. Guaranteed no rust.

Best buy Tar's ever made.

Well, let's go, boy.

Oh, my God.

It'll get noisier than a son of a bitch!

Thank you.

What?

I thought you enjoyed being king of the jungle.

Oh, fuck it.

Tar's depressed.

That's the 15th time this week that Gorilla beat Tar's.

You know what Tar's mean, boy?

I think I follow you, Tar's, but what do you do if you don't go on being king of

the jungle?

Oh, Tar's employable.

Tar's going to tote that barge, lift that bale, get a little... Drunk, land

in jail.

Are you sure you want to do all that, Tar?

I mean, you'd have to give up swinging on vines.

And what about all those beasts out there that love you?

Fuck them.

Jay!

What happened?

Yeah, what happened, Jay?

Well, what do you think would normally happen when a gorilla balls a young lady

of an upbringing like mine?

Balls? A gin, not in front of boy.

You can take it, can't you, boy?

Well, if you can take a gin, I guess I can.

Oh, I took it.

In the ears, the nose, the throat.

No, he no touch pussy.

That's our hope.

Touch it?

He had it for lunch.

Pussy for lunch?

I never heard of that before.

Uh, that old jungle saying, boy.

Just when I was crawling out of the bush, he let me have it.

He let you have what, Jane?

Right up the keister.

All the way up to the hill.

He let you have what up the keister?

The pink wanger.

Right up the keister. I could have sung God Save the Queen.

Go swim now. Throbbing pink? I never heard of that before either.

Cut it through me too, boy. I never would have thought a gorilla would have

a pink wanger.

I would have always thought that a gorilla would have a... You know, a

gorilla-colored wanger.

Swim, boy.

Swim up storm.

Pink wanger?

Gorilla-colored wanger?

Pussy for lunch?

Keister?

I guess it takes a full-grown man to appreciate it all.

Swim, boy!

Swim!

You speak of throbbing pink.

Me bet no gorilla can match this baby.

Oh, I didn't say he was big.

Tarz. He was just thorough.

You make fun of Tarz Weenie?

Oh, not me, Tarz, honey.

Do you want Tarz to suck your pussy?

Not just yet.

Let Jane do a little sucking too.

You bite the cocks that feed you.

Not me, Tarz, baby.

Just a slip of the lip.

Tarz!

Tarz!

That boy, he in trouble.

But... Fucker. But you're all right, Tom.

So, me must go to boy.

Hey, that's a crock of shit.

The crocodile bit Tarzan's dong off.

Boy, oh boy, boy.

What do you think we've got here?

There's a whole new ball game.

And I'm not sure where that leads me.

didn't, but that crocodile sure did.

What?

Crocodile bite off Tars, dork? He sure did, Tars. I slipped that crocodile open

hoping I could save your wee-wee, but it was all chewed up.

Oh, Tars depressed.

Oh, gosh, I could read to you, Tars, if it would take your mind off things.

No, boy.

You go swim.

Well, if that'll make you feel better, Tars.

Maybe you shouldn't let Boy go swim.

Crocodile get Boy and you have no balls left.

Keep his vigil twenty inches high.

Take this mortal to thy breast, so his dork may have some rest.

You know what I'm saying?

That was my first time with a real woman. What did you do before now?

Caught pygmies.

Oh.

Caught pygmies?

Jane got just the ticket for Utah.

Star is one dork back.

You got tickets for that?

Well, the next best thing to it, a trip up north.

North? What's up north that I can't get down south?

Wango-Wango country.

You know Wango-Wango? No. Tell me about it.

A crazy bunch of bastards.

I never see Wango-Wango, but I hear much.

Like what, Tars?

I hear they got strong, strong medicine. You know what I mean?

No.

Strange medicine they use.

I don't understand.

One day, when Tar's just a boy,

me meet great white hunter.

White hunter, very famous hunter.

But he lose virility.

He always ball English women.

So?

Well, one day, he go wango-wango, and they give him big, giant

cock.

But all the time he screamed.

Why?

He's always standing on balls.

Wouldn't you like to have some balls to stand on, Tars?

Tars don't know.

Do it, Tars. Do it. Go to the Wango Wango and let him give you a new wanger.

I mean, penis.

Because I got a feeling if you don't...

I'm going to be a wreck in no time. No time at all.

Tar, the wangle wangle will bring back the man in you.

And I don't care if it gets so big that you can play stickball with it.

Boy, leave treehouse.

Green, boy can take over where Tar leave off.

Oh, but Tars... Boy is fat, got into tunkles.

Tars, no.

Boy not a man for all seasons.

I know what you mean, Tars.

Tars make up minds.

Tars go to dangerous wango-wango country.

Oh, how wonderful, Tars.

Now, you don't want Jane and Boy to go to dangerous wango-wango, do you?

them right.

Oh my God!

Who's over here?

Who's over here?

Who's over here?

Who's over here? Who's over here?

Who's over here?

Who's over here?

That motherfucker.

Oh,

Jordan is done.

Oh,

Jordan is done.

What did they say, Tard?

Ladies say they no want kill us.

Ladies say they have no tickets since last safari come.

Ladies say they all horny.

She say those who like Tard, that one

have eyes for boy.

No one have eyes for Jane.

They say if we don't give them dynamite chicken they take us to the village and

they tell More more Tell them some dynamite

dicking you ain't the boy. It's gonna be able to do it. You ain't got no dick

left That right

What what

you say

Tars say he know like Jungle Beast.

Tars say he monogamous.

Tars say he only slip weenie to Jane.

And Jane only take weenie from Tars.

And, uh, the realest Tars know about.

Tars say he give Jane dynamite dickies.

But, Tars got no dynamite dick.

You said all of that?

I don't think they bought it, Tard.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

What happened?

Give her some help, Garth.

No.

Boom.

Hey, Targe.

Try some corn.

Some good corn.

Ah,

corn.

I

didn't give

them good corn.

Huh?

I'm a little gorilla right now.

Hot, juicy, flying corn.

Mmm.

Mmm. Ooh, it's hard to make a million dollars with this idea.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

come from that direction.

We go this direction.

Look at that blow.

Out of doubt one of the largest males I've ever seen. I wish he'd turn around.

We'll be right back.

I asked him off a bit, especially his privates.

I had a feeling you wanted to make his privates public.

Well, I never... Meet Tars, Miss Jane.

Shalom, boy.

I'm Wanda.

I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't found me.

But why wangle-wangle attack?

Unless you big enemy.

Wangle-wangle, very peaceful.

We were returning from safari, big fella.

He's the king of the jungle. King of the jungle. How deliciously nice.

Well, we were returning from safari when the Wango Wango fell upon us and... Tell

him, Waldo, that was really so exciting.

We were in prison for three whole days.

How did you get in there?

My husband was born with a teeny, teeny, teeny...

That is, never do.

Ah, me.

I never let on that I preferred a real heavy winder.

You know, there's not a thing a girl can get her teeth into.

But somehow, I think Tom, my dear husband, always suspected that I rather

found him wanting.

What do you want, Wanda?

I only wanted at least a throbbing dick.

I could have been happy with that.

Wanda.

I, Wangle Wangle, want to kill you.

Then, then.

Well, the Wangle Wangle took pity on my poor husband and agreed to give him a

new wanger. And I did wanger.

Well, it all boiled down to this. The Wangle Wangle would not deliver the new

wanger unless it was used exclusively to punk me.

Me. What's wrong with you?

Nothing. Except that I was looking forward to some good old-fashioned

Dixieland dicking and loose-lipped sucking.

I know what Wanda means.

Well, what was wrong with a little punking?

Tar? No, no punk.

Tar's street arrow.

I would disaster.

That's got to do with punking.

Well, all the girls in my graduating class bawled a lot, gave head, all that

sort of thing. But we took a solemn oath, never, and I mean never, to give

to Mr. Well, what about the wangle-wangle?

Why'd they give him a new dork?

Billy, he swore to do just what they demanded.

So they gave him a humdinger. That nice story.

Oh, wait a minute. Did you say 20 inches sticking out straight?

Wango Wango must have put a curse on his weenie after he escaped.

Wango Wango out there now.

It's getting dark out there now too, Sarge. Make no difference.

Wango Wango, great night fighters.

I want this boy with me at all times.

He's as brave as a lion.

We'll beat him off.

Oh, my.

Something queer here.

No matter.

We go now.

Let's go.

He has King Kong wangers.

Why he want to stick?

That I'm paying for him to cornhole me. Before the whole village.

Men, women, and children.

Cornhole. What's that?

Oh, something I know you just love, dear boy.

Flag, this isn't a U.S. scene.

But the time came for him to cornhole me for those black folk.

And, well, I just put my finger up right before his face and said, no, no, no.

What did your husband say?

Yes, yes, yes, I said.

And a few other things I've never heard him say before.

Well, do you think you could manage to get around off this time in Bulgarian

kumquat? Well, to help a boy, I think I should get off quite a few.

Relax,

boy. Enjoy yourself.

Something wrong.

Wango, wango, not attack.

Well, there's nothing wrong with that, eh, man?

Mighty strange.

Wango, wango, like to attack yelling and screaming.

What? With all this fire?

Get out of here.

You're the king of the jungle.

Jungle bunnies around.

Where are they going to take us, Tom?

They're going to take you away.

Gee whiz, mister.

I'm just a boy.

No, really.

No action there, girlie.

But this may be our last call to action.

The crocodile took the last bit of action Tar's had.

A fellow like crocodile?

Not the one that did his dark off.

Is it?

That's why we're in the Wanga Wanga country.

Oh, to get big Wanga. My dear husband, Tom.

That's the plot.

Well, there must be at least a little stubbornness. Nothing I've already

checked.

Well,

um, how about you?

What about me?

Well, maybe you'd like a little action.

I mean, my roommate at Bath, it was known to say... I never touch the stuff.

Oh.

Ours, no understand.

No understand what, George?

Wango, Wango, peaceful tribe.

Not tonight.

If Wango, Wango want your dear husband, then why they attack you and your food

friend, Clive?

Well, I told you. Revenge.

For Scrooge.

No, that not make sense.

If Wango, Wango want your husband, they catch him.

Oh, there's something else.

Cars now understand why Wango Wango, who are peaceful tribes, don't go

after dear husbands, but go after Vassar Lady and... Fruit friend.

Vassal lady and fruit friend steal wangle-wangle treasury.

Well, Red, just look at these darkies. What are they going to do with all those

jewels? Look at the way they dress. I mean, no sense of style. Oh, Alain, what

do you want?

I want Dorf back. Jane want Tori's Dorf back, too.

Dammit, Tori, you got me talking that shit, too.

Thank you.

Me, but a girl.

Me, rich.

You savvy, very rich.

Why, me take jewels.

Me, no, no new gems.

Me, have all me want. Back

in...

Shugan, a cunt.

I know all about you, white pussy.

I used to date your kind when I was in Colombian law school.

What did you tell me you vassal motherfuckers used to say to Regis?

Don't you know I know all about you?

You cockamamie motherfucker.

You guys, I come down there.

I'm in other fucking place. You make me go on back of bus.

You motherfucker, you come here trying to bullshit me.

Go fuck yourself.

Don't worry,

Clyde. I'm going to Columbia University.

He's educated.

Bring me the head chief.

He gives good heads. Please.

Please.

Oh,

please.

Oh,

don't miss me, Clive.

Fuckers, where are the Goomba means?

Well, you're the one that's supposed to know, Charles.

Well, you're the one that's supposed to know,

Charles.

Oh, my word.

Oh, God.

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Absolutely right, yes.

Amazing.

The jingcock.

Oh, oh, oh.

It's just a little while.

Never mind.

Couldn't he get in?

He did, didn't he? Kind of dumb.

Yes!

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

oh my god

You can get up a horse, you savage.

What, the cocks are biting and you're walking?

Oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, Jesus.

How long is this going to last?

Oh!

The horse is fighting in our nose.

Oh!

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus.

Should I sign on for this?

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

See,

I sure hope old Torres got out of that jungle.

Oh, so do I. He could go so far with a whiner like that.

He could certainly tickle somebody's glory hole with that one, I dare say.

What's a glory hole?

You'll find out, boys.

Anyway, this is our treehouse.

Divine! Did you get it furnished?

Okay, smartass.

Let's go.

Okay, come along, Princess Anne.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, what's it have?

Leave me alone, mister. I'm trying to see something.

I see everything I ever want to see.

Oh. Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, my goodness.

Are we ever going to get up?

Are you ever going to get up?

Oh.

Oh.

My word.

What do I got?

And it's all mine.

Oh.

Yep, bit.

If anybody's going to teach Boy about the birds and the bees, it's going to be

his Uncle Clyde.

Look, you brute compote. You may not have noticed it, but Boy here seems to

be the only other game in town.

Oh, Ty, you're back.

That's so wonderful.

Doesn't she know that's not good for Boy's brain?

Now, now, Boy.

Nothing's happened.

Car's in top shape.

Car's feel good.

Oh, and you're bigger and better than ever.

Look at that wanger, Jane.

Isn't it wonderful?

Oh, wait till Cheetah see this wanger.

Me beat him then.

Good.

Me feel like swim.

That's still no good for boy.

Me go for swim now.

of the pygmies he told me about.