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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:09,160 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,190 --> 00:00:10,790 - THE D.A.'S OFFICE IS WILLING TO DROP THE ASSAULT CHARGES. 3 00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:12,060 THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS. 4 00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,260 - WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS? 5 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,070 - YOU'RE BEING CHARGED WITH STATUTORY RAPE. 6 00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,670 - YEAH, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CONSIDER A LITTLE "MANSCAPING." 7 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:18,540 YOU'RE WAY HAIRY. - REALLY? 8 00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:19,640 [knocking at door] 9 00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:21,110 AH. 10 00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:22,270 AAH! 11 00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:23,610 - I'M LATE. - BINGO. 12 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,240 COME ON, LET'S GO GET YOU A PREGNANCY TEST. 13 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,680 - FUCK, THE RABBIT DONE DIED. 14 00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:28,780 - I MET THE WIFE. 15 00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:30,710 - YEAH, SOON-TO-BE EX. SPLITSVILLE. 16 00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:32,620 - SO YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I TOOK A CRACK AT HER? 17 00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:35,720 - CONSIDERING THAT YOU ACTUALLY WROTE THE BOOK THAT I LOVE, 18 00:00:35,750 --> 00:00:39,390 HOW ABOUT YOU REWRITE THE SCRIPT THAT I LOATHE? 19 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:40,660 - AND SASHA BINGHAM WILL STAR? 20 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:42,860 - YES, SHE'S READING AS WE SPEAK. 21 00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:44,790 - WHAT ABOUT EDDIE NERO? - SO IS THERE A SCRIPT? 22 00:00:44,830 --> 00:00:45,830 - FUCK, NO. 23 00:00:45,860 --> 00:00:47,500 - BUT HE'S GETTING CLOSE. - ISH. 24 00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:48,800 - WITH SASHA'S INTEREST 25 00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:52,140 AND WITH HANK'S FACE ALL OVER THE NEWS RIGHT NOW, 26 00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:54,500 WE COULD BE AT SUNDANCE THIS TIME NEXT YEAR. 27 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,110 - THE PROSECUTION HAS A LAME CASE, 28 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,240 AND THEY KNOW IT TOO. 29 00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:59,610 - HAVE YOU MET MY ATTORNEY? 30 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,250 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY FAR AWAY 31 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,080 FROM THE MIAS AND THE SASHAS OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. 32 00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:08,450 - [laughs] 33 00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:11,620 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 34 00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:22,670 [rock music] 35 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:31,440 * 36 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,490 - IT SHOULD BE PRETTY CUT AND DRY. 37 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,430 YOU PLEAD GUILTY TO UNLAWFUL SEXUAL CONDUCT. 38 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:51,200 THE STATUTORY RAPE CHARGE GOES AWAY. 39 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,670 - DISCRETION, COUNSELOR... 40 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,830 IT BEING THE BETTER PART OF VALOR AND WHATNOT. 41 00:01:57,870 --> 00:01:59,740 - IN ANY CASE... 42 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,310 [clears throat] 43 00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:03,170 YOU'RE LOOKING AT A $1,000 FINE, 44 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,440 18 MONTHS SUMMARY PROBATION. 45 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,310 UH, THE ONLY THING LEFT TO HAMMER OUT 46 00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:09,450 IS THE NATURE AND DURATION OF YOUR COMMUNITY SERVICE. 47 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,180 - DONE. WHERE DO I SIGN? 48 00:02:11,220 --> 00:02:13,450 BUT INSTEAD OF DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE, 49 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,720 CAN I DO A P.S.A.? 50 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,620 HI, I'M HANK MOODY. 51 00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:18,260 DON'T FUCK TEENAGERS. 52 00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:20,260 AND CAN I BORROW A THOUSAND BUCKS? 53 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:21,890 KIDDING... ABOUT THE P.S.A. 54 00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:24,390 - I'LL BE DAMNED. 55 00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:25,760 I THINK I'M ACTUALLY SEEING 56 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:30,800 SOME OF THAT HANK MOODY MOJO UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. 57 00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:32,400 - [whispering] IS MY DONG OUT? 58 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,940 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CARD HER JUST TO BE SAFE. 59 00:02:34,970 --> 00:02:36,940 - [normal voice] YOU ARE ON FIRE. 60 00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:38,580 HI, EXCUSE ME. 61 00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:39,840 DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER? 62 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,480 - SORRY, YOU'RE, UH, KIND OF FAMOUS. 63 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,580 - THAT'S RIGHT. I AM KIND OF FAMOUS. 64 00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:46,320 IT'S GOOD TO SEE THAT THE YOUNG KIDS ARE STILL READING. 65 00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:50,450 LAST TIME I CHECKED, MY SHIT WASN'T KINDLE-WORTHY. 66 00:02:50,490 --> 00:02:52,220 - OW! - SORRY. 67 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,990 - DICK. 68 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,630 - DON'T OPEN IT. NO, NO. 69 00:02:55,660 --> 00:02:57,790 - LET ME--GOD. - FUCK YOU. 70 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,740 - SHE'S RIGHT. YOU ARE A DICK. 71 00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:12,740 [upbeat music] 72 00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:20,720 * 73 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,530 - NICE WORK, ASSHOLE. DEAL'S OFF. 74 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,690 - WHAT? NO FAIR. INDIAN GIVER. 75 00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:05,530 - AS YOU KNOW, THE D.A. IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR. 76 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,630 AND VOTERS JUST DON'T TAKE KINDLY 77 00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:09,430 TO PUBLIC OFFICIALS WHO GO SOFT ON CHILD MOLESTERS. 78 00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:10,600 - BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. 79 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:12,370 THE YOUNG LADIES IN QUESTION WERE JUST SCREWING AROUND, 80 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,740 AND I PUT A STOP TO THAT SHIT. 81 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,740 I CAN'T HELP IT IF SOME COCK-TARD IN A FEDORA 82 00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:17,710 TAKES A PICTURE AT THE EXACT WRONG MOMENT. 83 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:18,780 - IT DOESN'T MATTER. 84 00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:20,840 IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENED. 85 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,580 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE OUT THERE THUMBING YOUR NOSE 86 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:23,810 AT THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. 87 00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:24,980 - OKAY, I GET IT. 88 00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:27,380 DULY NOTED-- MUST STOP THUMBING NOSE. 89 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:28,650 ALL RIGHT? 90 00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:30,750 SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WHAT'S--WHAT'S THE MOVE? 91 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,990 - YOU LOOK FOR A NEW ATTORNEY. - WHAT? 92 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,820 - I SHOULD'VE GONE WITH MY GUT ON THIS ONE. 93 00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,330 - WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, YOU'RE QUITTING? 94 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,600 - IN A WORD, ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. 95 00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:39,700 I'M DROPPING THE CASE, 96 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:42,500 LEAVING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO FIND AN ATTORNEY 97 00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:44,670 WHO SUITS YOUR PARTICULAR PERSONALITY. 98 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:47,840 - YOU CAN'T DO THAT. CAN YOU? 99 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,840 - HANK, I HAVE NEVER HAD A CLIENT 100 00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:52,580 WHO MAKES IT THIS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO MY JOB. 101 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:53,980 - YOU SHOULD TALK TO MY AGENT. 102 00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:56,610 - I WILL. I'LL CALL HIM, AND I'LL RECOMMEND SOMEONE NEW. 103 00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,450 - QUITTER. 104 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,620 - GOOD LUCK TO YOU, HANK. 105 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:03,720 I WISH I COULD SAY IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU, 106 00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:05,660 BUT THAT WOULD BE A BIG, FAT LIE, 107 00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:07,820 BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN AN ENORMOUS PAIN IN MY ASS. 108 00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:08,960 - NORMALLY I WOULD HAVE 109 00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:10,730 AN INCREDIBLY CHILDISH RETORT TO THAT, 110 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,860 BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. 111 00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:13,760 I'M GONNA TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. 112 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,000 YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS. 113 00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:17,530 AND THE THOUGHT THAT I HAVE BROUGHT IT ANY PAIN 114 00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:18,840 BRINGS ME PAIN. 115 00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,470 ALL I WANT TO DO IS BRING YOUR ASS PLEASURE. 116 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,910 THAT'S HOW HIGHLY I REGARD IT. 117 00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,810 AND THERE IT GOES, ABBY'S FANTASTIC ASS. 118 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,680 FARE THEE WELL. TAKE CARE. 119 00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:30,050 WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE CENTURY CITY. 120 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:33,980 I'M FUCKED. 121 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,150 [knocking at door] 122 00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:37,120 GO THE FUCK AWAY. 123 00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:40,090 [knocking continues] 124 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,090 I DON'T WANT ANY MORE FUCKING CHOCOLATES. 125 00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:46,030 IT'S YOU. 126 00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:48,130 WHAT DO YOU WANT? - SETTLE DOWN, GRUMPY. 127 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,000 CAN I COME IN? 128 00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,800 - HAVEN'T YOU CAUSED ME ENOUGH TROUBLE? 129 00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:52,400 - THIS IS MY FAULT? 130 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,140 - WELL, SEEING AS I'M IN NO MOOD TO BLAME MYSELF, 131 00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:55,840 YES, YES, IT IS. 132 00:05:55,870 --> 00:05:57,640 COME ON IN. 133 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,580 - YOU LIVE LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL. 134 00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:05,950 - WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK OUT BETWEEN US. 135 00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:07,950 - WELL, THAT AND THE FACT THAT YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH 136 00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,590 TO BE MY GRANDFATHER. 137 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:13,520 - OH, FUCK, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL MYSELF? 138 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,490 - SO I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS AND SOME BAD NEWS. 139 00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:16,730 WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER? 140 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,600 - DO IT WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT, 141 00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:20,530 FUCKING DIVA. 142 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,130 - I'M DROPPING OUT. 143 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:24,470 - OF HIGH SCHOOL? 144 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,570 - THE MOVIE. 145 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:26,770 - OH, THAT. 146 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,770 ALL RIGHT, I WILL--I WILL WRITE YOU 147 00:06:28,810 --> 00:06:30,910 THAT BIG OSCAR SPEECH THAT YOU WANTED AT THE END. 148 00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,880 - NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT. - OKAY, YOU GOT IT. 149 00:06:32,910 --> 00:06:34,680 - THIS IS A LOT OF BAD PRESS FOR ME. 150 00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:37,610 AND WHILE A SCANDAL CAN BE A GOOD THING, 151 00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:40,150 THIS WHOLE THING IS GETTING A LITTLE UNSAVORY. 152 00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,020 - HMM. 153 00:06:42,050 --> 00:06:44,620 OKAY, SO NO MOVIE. 154 00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,460 MOVIE, NO. 155 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:47,660 WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS? 156 00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:50,460 - THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I STILL WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, 157 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:51,860 AT LEAST ONCE MORE, 158 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,460 IF NOT TWICE. 159 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,800 - THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS? 160 00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,870 - MM-HMM. 161 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,540 - OH, MY. 162 00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:02,540 YOU KNOW, THAT IS PRETTY GOOD NEWS. 163 00:07:02,570 --> 00:07:04,070 MAYBE A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN. 164 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:10,650 [knocking at door] 165 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,920 SHIT. 166 00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:13,480 PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON. 167 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,080 COULD BE THE LAW. 168 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,050 [knocking continues] 169 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,530 JUST AS I SUSPECTED, THE LAW. 170 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,760 KAREN, COME ON IN. 171 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,130 - HEY. 172 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,730 - KAREN, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET SASHA BINGHAM. 173 00:07:30,770 --> 00:07:32,270 THEY TELL ME SHE'S A BIG MOVIE STAR. 174 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,100 PERSONALLY, I DON'T SEE IT. 175 00:07:34,140 --> 00:07:36,070 - HI, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. 176 00:07:36,110 --> 00:07:38,610 OH, MY GOD, I TOTALLY GET IT NOW. 177 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,680 HOW'D YOU FUCK THIS UP? - THANK YOU. 178 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,080 THAT'S HELPFUL. YOU CAN GO NOW. 179 00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:45,520 - IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, SASHA. 180 00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,920 UM, OF COURSE, I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE, 181 00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:49,820 BECAUSE I'VE SEEN ALL THE PHOTOS. 182 00:07:49,850 --> 00:07:53,020 - AND THAT'S MY CUE. 183 00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,890 PEACE. 184 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:55,730 - WOW. 185 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,890 - I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, KAREN-- 186 00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,030 READING ALL THOSE STUPID BLOGS. 187 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:01,160 - BECCA SHOWED ME. 188 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,170 - BEC--OH, FUCK. 189 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,000 HOW IS SHE? IS SHE OKAY? 190 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:07,940 - OKAY? 191 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:10,140 W-WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN AT THIS POINT? 192 00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:14,140 - WHA--UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, KAREN? 193 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:16,150 LOOK AROUND. WELCOME TO ROCK BOTTOM. 194 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:19,880 I'M LIVING IN THIS SHITTY, FILTHY HOTEL ROOM. 195 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,750 MY--MY CAREER'S IN THE SHITTER. 196 00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,850 YOU OBVIOUSLY HATE ME. BECCA HATES ME. 197 00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:27,190 MY ATTORNEY DUMPED ME. 198 00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:28,730 - YOUR ATTORNEY DUMPED YOU? 199 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,160 HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? 200 00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:32,160 - I DON'T KNOW. SHE GOT TIRED OF MY SHIT. 201 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,560 IT'S A TREND. 202 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,860 WHAT THE FUCK? WHATEVER. 203 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,170 - BUT WASN'T SHE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES? 204 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,570 - I THINK SO. SHE SEEMED GOOD. 205 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,800 SHE'S SMART, SNAPPY DRESSER, NICE BRIEFCASE. 206 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,840 WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW ABOUT LAWYERS? 207 00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:43,770 - DID YOU THINK TO APOLOGIZE? 208 00:08:43,810 --> 00:08:46,310 I MEAN, YOU CAN REALLY SWITCH THE CHARM ON WHEN YOU WANT TO. 209 00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:48,180 - I DON'T HAVE A SWITCH. THE SWITCH IS GONE. 210 00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:52,080 I CAN'T FIND THE SWITCH. 211 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,620 CAN YOU JUST... 212 00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:57,150 APOLOGIZE TO BECCA FOR ME 213 00:08:57,190 --> 00:09:00,620 AND--AND--AND TELL HER THAT I'LL--I'LL MAKE IT UP TO HER? 214 00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:03,930 - YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO HER? 215 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,130 YOU CAN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASS 216 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,700 AND GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. 217 00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:10,070 HANK, YOU'RE SLIPPING. 218 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,300 YOU'RE KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING SLIPPING. 219 00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:14,340 I MEAN, WHATEVER HAPPENS BETWEEN US, 220 00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:17,070 YOU HAVE ALWAYS MANAGED TO BE A DECENT FATHER. 221 00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:20,140 IF YOU LET THAT GO, YOU'RE FUCKED. 222 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:24,910 YOU'RE TOTALLY FUCKED FOREVER. 223 00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:27,020 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THIS IS YOUR SHIT. 224 00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:29,120 I'M--I'M GONE. 225 00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,920 YOU FIGURE IT OUT. 226 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,790 [door opens, closes] 227 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:37,790 [rock music] 228 00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:43,030 * 229 00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:45,000 - HOLA. - HOLA. 230 00:09:45,030 --> 00:09:47,700 OKAY. 231 00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:52,310 - PLEASE, YOU WAIT. 232 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,180 - YOU GOT IT. 233 00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,410 OH, HEY, LISTEN. 234 00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:58,310 UM, YOUR BOSS-- 235 00:09:58,350 --> 00:10:01,350 HOW HAIRY ARE WE TALKING HERE? 236 00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:02,590 - PARDON? 237 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,660 - IT'S JUST THAT, UH, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE WEST SIDE, 238 00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:08,220 AND I WANT TO KIND OF WRAP IT UP BEFORE RUSH HOUR. 239 00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:11,290 SO HOW HAIRY IS THE MISSUS? 240 00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:12,960 - MRS. HAIRY? 241 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,760 I NO UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU NO WORRY. 242 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,830 I PUT PERFECT. 243 00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:17,970 - IRMA, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 244 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,240 I WILL TAKE OVER FROM HERE, 245 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,200 AND YOU ALWAYS PUT PERFECT. 246 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,310 - GRACIAS, SEÑOR. 247 00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:26,810 - MARCY, WE MEET AGAIN AT LAST. 248 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,040 - STU... 249 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,850 YOU MADE THE APPOINTMENT WITH ME? 250 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,020 - NO, NO, IRMA BOOKED THE APPOINTMENT 251 00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:33,750 ON MY BEHALF. 252 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:36,020 - SO YOU WANT THE FULL KARDASHIAN? 253 00:10:36,050 --> 00:10:38,760 - NO, NO. GOD, NO. 254 00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:40,760 I WOULD RATHER EXPLODE. 255 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:42,930 NO, WHEN IRMA CALLED HOT LIPS, 256 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,130 THEY SAID THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD TAKE 257 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,390 FOR YOU TO MAKE A HOUSE CALL. 258 00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,930 - YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. 259 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,900 - LISTEN, I CALLED. I TEXTED. 260 00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:51,170 AND IN RETURN, ZILCH. 261 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,040 SO I HAD TO GET A LITTLE CREATIVE. 262 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,140 - UNBELIEVABLE. 263 00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,440 - BABY, I'M A PRODUCER, SO I PRODUCE. 264 00:10:56,470 --> 00:10:57,810 WHAT CAN I SAY? 265 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,780 - WELL, YOU COULD SAY SORRY, ASSHOLE, 266 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:01,710 BECAUSE I CANCELED 267 00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:03,780 A WHOLE AFTERNOON'S WORTH OF APPOINTMENTS. 268 00:11:03,810 --> 00:11:05,180 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS LITTLE STUNT OF YOURS 269 00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,180 IS GONNA COST ME? 270 00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,450 - WAIT, WAIT, I'M SORRY. 271 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,320 I DIDN'T MEAN TO-- 272 00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:12,220 IT'S JUST THAT I WANTED TO SEE YOU... 273 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:13,360 SO MUCH. 274 00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:16,930 I'LL BE GLAD TO PAY YOU FOR YOUR TIME. 275 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,430 I-I MEAN, IF YOU WOULD JUST STAY HERE 276 00:11:19,460 --> 00:11:20,730 AND HANG OUT FOR A WHILE. 277 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,270 - I STAY, I WAX. 278 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,070 TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. 279 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,770 - OH. 280 00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:30,810 ALL RIGHT, THEN. 281 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,240 THE FULL KARDASHIAN IT IS. 282 00:11:35,540 --> 00:11:36,880 - SASHA DROPPED OUT. 283 00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,410 - I KNOW. 284 00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:39,520 - ABBY TOO. 285 00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:41,050 - I KNOW. 286 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,290 - I'VE BROUGHT SHAME UPON MY FAMILY. 287 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,520 - OH, I KNOW. 288 00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,320 - YEAH, THAT'S IT. IT'S DECIDED, THEN. 289 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,320 I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT. 290 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,290 LIKE ZIG, I'M JERKING MYSELF TO JESUS. 291 00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:52,800 GOOD KNOWING YOU, RUNKS. 292 00:11:52,830 --> 00:11:54,060 - SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. 293 00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,270 BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO RECONSIDER. 294 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,030 - YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO. 295 00:11:58,070 --> 00:12:00,370 - GUESS WHO'S BACK IN THE PICTURE. 296 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,240 HMM? 297 00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,110 SOMEONE WHO CAN GET THIS THING GREEN-LIT 298 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,840 WITH ONE MAGIC WORD. 299 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,310 COME ON, COME ON. HMM, HMM? 300 00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:09,510 - BARACK OBAMA. 301 00:12:09,550 --> 00:12:11,080 - EDDIE FUCKING NERO. 302 00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,020 - OH, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT PSYCHO WANT? 303 00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:14,920 - HE SAYS THE SCRIPT IS KEEPING HIM UP NIGHTS. 304 00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:18,050 YEAH, HE SAYS HE CAN'T GET THE CHARACTER OUT OF HIS HEAD. 305 00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:21,060 HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. 306 00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:24,090 HE SAYS HE WANTS TO TRY THE ROLE ON FOR SIZE 307 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:25,930 BEFORE HE COMMITS, YOU KNOW? 308 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,830 EXPERIENCE A NIGHT IN THE LIFE 309 00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:30,830 OF THE INFAMOUS HANK MOODY. 310 00:12:30,870 --> 00:12:32,240 - I DON'T THINK HE'D ENJOY 311 00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,370 WATCHING ME GO ALL AUTOEROTIC ON MYSELF. 312 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,370 DO YOU? 313 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,810 - MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. 314 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,010 MAYBE YOU SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER NIGHT. 315 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,010 - MAYBE, YEAH. 316 00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:44,350 IT'D BE KIND OF RUDE TO DO TO HOUSEKEEPING, DON'T YOU THINK? 317 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:45,180 - TOTALLY RUDE. 318 00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:46,580 YOU'D HAVE TO LEAVE A PRETTY BIG TIP 319 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,950 TO MAKE UP FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 320 00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,350 - TOTALLY. 321 00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:52,520 YOU'RE COMING WITH, RIGHT? 322 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:55,090 - YEAH, I DON'T THINK EDDIE LIKES ME VERY MUCH. 323 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,390 - OH, I DON'T THINK HE DOES EITHER, 324 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,130 BUT YOU'RE COMING WITH, RIGHT? 325 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,430 - YEAH! SOUNDS LIKE A PARTY. 326 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,900 THAT CHEMICALLY IMBALANCED FREAK 327 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:03,830 BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BALLS. 328 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,840 [rock music] 329 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,100 * 330 00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:11,070 - WAIT, HOW DID YOU GO FROM WAITER TO PRODUCER? 331 00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:13,140 - ROBERT EVANS WAS A REGULAR, 332 00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:14,510 AND HE ALWAYS SAT IN MY SECTION. 333 00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:15,610 AND ONE DAY HE ASKED ME 334 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,280 TO BE HIS ASSISTANT ON URBAN COWBOY AND-- 335 00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,380 - [gasps] GET OUT. 336 00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:22,020 YOU WORKED ON THAT MOVIE? 337 00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,090 OH, MY GOD! 338 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,860 THAT IS ONE OF MY TOP TEN GUILTY PLEASURE FLICKS 339 00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:26,890 OF ALL TIME. 340 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,890 I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT, STU. 341 00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:29,890 - REALLY? 342 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:33,360 YEAH, YOU DON'T SAY. 343 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,500 - OKAY, LOOK. 344 00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:38,330 YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE WHOLE FULL-BODY MESHUGAS. 345 00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:41,070 - OH, MERCY, MARCY. 346 00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,570 - OKAY, ONE MORE. TIGHTEN UP. 347 00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:44,610 [tears off strip] - OH! 348 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,980 - THERE YOU GO. 349 00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:49,180 WOW, URBAN COWBOY. - OH... 350 00:13:49,210 --> 00:13:50,410 YEAH. 351 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:53,420 - GOD, I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT IN, WHAT, DECADES? 352 00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:55,520 I GOT TO NETFLIX THAT SHIT. 353 00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:57,020 - HEY, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 354 00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:58,920 HEY, YOU'RE IN LUCK. 355 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,990 SEE, I HAPPEN TO HAVE A DIGITALLY RESTORED 356 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:02,360 35-MILLIMETER PRINT RIGHT HERE. 357 00:14:02,390 --> 00:14:03,460 I MEAN--I MEAN, WE COULD-- 358 00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,630 WE COULD GO WATCH IT IN MY SCREENING ROOM RIGHT NOW. 359 00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:09,070 - OH, GOD, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I GOT TO GET BACK. 360 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,230 MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. 361 00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:11,470 - NO, NO, THERE'S GONNA BE NO OTHER TIME. 362 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,540 I'M GONNA BE DONATING MY ENTIRE FILM COLLECTION TO U.S.C.-- 363 00:14:14,570 --> 00:14:17,240 EVERY PICTURE I EVER WORKED ON-- LIKE, NEXT WEEK. 364 00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:18,240 - WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? 365 00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:21,080 - [sighs] WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A FAMILY 366 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,410 I CAN PASS IT DOWN TO. 367 00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:25,650 AND I DON'T KNOW-- I GUESS MAYBE IT'S MY ATTEMPT 368 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,520 TO LEAVE SOME KIND OF LEGACY. 369 00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:30,390 - YOU NEVER GOT MARRIED, STU? 370 00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:33,060 - OH, NO, I DID... 371 00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:34,590 THREE TIMES. 372 00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:37,560 YOU KNOW, WORK-- 373 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:40,230 WORK IS A CRUEL MISTRESS. 374 00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:42,230 AND I MEAN, SHE TOOK, AND SHE TOOK, 375 00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:44,370 AND SHE GAVE NOTHING BACK. 376 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:48,100 - YOU CALL THIS NOTHING? 377 00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:51,410 - WELL, WITHOUT A WIFE AND FAMILY TO SHARE THIS WITH, 378 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,640 WHAT'S ANY OF THIS FOR? 379 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,980 [rock music] 380 00:14:58,010 --> 00:15:00,980 * 381 00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:02,990 - LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. 382 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,190 WHERE IS THAT FUCKING BILLY GOAT? 383 00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:06,620 - HUAH! - OW! 384 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:08,090 - [laughs] 385 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,090 I FUCKING MISSED YOU, MOODY. 386 00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:12,360 - OW. 387 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,000 - YOU TOO, GOLDILOCKS. 388 00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:15,330 HEY, LET'S DO SOME DRINKING. 389 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,170 LET'S TALK SOME STORY. 390 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,370 DOES SHE HAVE TO BE 16? 391 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,740 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 392 00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:25,070 - I DON'T KNOW, IS THERE ANY VALUE IN HER BEING 18 393 00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:26,240 OR 19, EVEN? 394 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,680 - BUT THAT'S NOT ILLEGAL. 395 00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:30,110 - YEAH, BUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE THE CHARACTER 396 00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:31,310 A LITTLE MORE LIKEABLE, 397 00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:33,280 'CAUSE ON THE PAGE, HE'S AN ASSHOLE. 398 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,090 - YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE 399 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:37,620 KIND OF TALKING ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW? 400 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:40,590 - OKAY, COULD SHE BE YOUNGER, LIKE 10 OR 11? 401 00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:43,290 - THAT'S DISGUSTING. 402 00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:47,260 - PEDOPHILES AREN'T VERY LIKEABLE EITHER, EDDIE. 403 00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,630 - IT'S A FINE LINE, ISN'T IT? 404 00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:51,370 LOOK, I'M NOT A PRUDE, OKAY? NOT--NOT BY ANY STRETCH. 405 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,000 I THINK YOU KNOW THAT ABOUT ME. 406 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,370 I'M JUST TRYING TO BUILD 407 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,440 THE MOST THREE-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER I CAN. 408 00:15:58,470 --> 00:16:01,240 I NEED TO SEE YOU FUCK. 409 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,480 - MM-HMM. WHAT? WHAT? 410 00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:05,110 - I NEED TO WATCH YOU MAKE LOVE TO A WOMAN. 411 00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:05,910 - NO. 412 00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:07,750 - WHAT YOU SAY, HOW YOU TOUCH HER, 413 00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:11,220 HOW YOU MOVE YOUR HIPS, HOW YOU THRUST. 414 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:14,590 I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS. 415 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:17,060 AGENT, GET US SOME WHORES. 416 00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:18,590 - I THINK I SEE A COUPLE OVER BY THE BAR. 417 00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:19,730 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 418 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,260 - NO, NO, NO, YOU STAY RIGHT THERE. 419 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,530 THAT'S IT. I'M OUT. I QUIT THIS TIME. 420 00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:24,800 IT'S OVER. 421 00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:26,340 - WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT. 422 00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:28,670 JUST SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE HERE, "BROSEPH." 423 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,270 ARE YOU AN ARTIST OR A PRETENDER? 424 00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:32,380 - NEITHER. 425 00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:33,510 I'M A WRITER. 426 00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:35,240 I THINK, I TYPE, I DRINK. 427 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,250 LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT, NOT ALWAYS IN THAT ORDER. 428 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,410 AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, 429 00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:40,320 ART'S JUST ANOTHER GUY FROM BROOKLYN. 430 00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:41,820 - I USED TO BE A PRETENDER. 431 00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,620 NOW I'M AN ARTIST. 432 00:16:44,650 --> 00:16:46,790 - WOW, DO YOU GET A CERTIFICATE WITH THAT OR SOMETHING? 433 00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:50,530 - YEAH, IT'S CALLED THE MOTHERFUCKING ACADEMY AWARD, 434 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,790 AND I WON MINE 435 00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:54,530 FOR A MICHAEL MANN MOVIE CALLED JOHN. 436 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,070 - GREAT FUCKING MOVIE. 437 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,140 I HAVE SUTURES IN MY SCROTUM. 438 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:05,770 - I PLAYED JOHN, THE GAY HIT MAN-- 439 00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:08,680 H.I.V. PLUS. 440 00:17:08,710 --> 00:17:10,450 YOU KNOW HOW I PREPARED FOR THAT? 441 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,680 - NO. 442 00:17:11,710 --> 00:17:13,150 - I TOOK A MAN IN MY MOUTH. 443 00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,150 - [coughs] - THAT'S RIGHT. 444 00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:17,250 I PLAYED HIS SKIN FLUTE LIKE KENNY G, 445 00:17:17,290 --> 00:17:19,590 LIKE KENNY G ON ECSTASY. 446 00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,560 I ENGINEERED HIS ORGASM-- 447 00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:24,190 MY HANDS, 448 00:17:24,230 --> 00:17:25,690 MY MOUTH, 449 00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,160 MY TONGUE. 450 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:31,370 [imitates gagging] 451 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,270 AND THEN HE GAVE ME HIS GIFT. 452 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,600 GAVE IT TO ME ON THE INSIDE. 453 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,570 AND THAT'S THE DAY I GRADUATED. 454 00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:40,210 THAT'S THE DAY I STOPPED PRETENDING 455 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,540 AND STARTED BEING, 456 00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:44,250 BECAUSE UNTIL YOU'VE SAVORED BOTH SEXES, 457 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,450 UNTIL YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE BOTH OF THEM COME LIKE BABY GORILLAS, 458 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,850 YOU DO NOT KNOW SHIT FROM SHINOLA. 459 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,620 - I AGREE. 460 00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:57,330 - I KNOW YOU DO, FRIEND. 461 00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,160 I CAN SMELL IT ON YOU... 462 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,300 THE AMBIVALENCE. 463 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,400 [sniffs] 464 00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,850 I THINK WE SHOULD KILL SOMEONE TONIGHT. 465 00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:28,220 I MEAN, LIKE A HOBO OR SOMETHING. 466 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:31,660 [cell phone rings] - THANK GOD. 467 00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:34,300 [ringing continues] 468 00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,560 YES? 469 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,600 OH, HEY, SWEETIE. 470 00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:38,930 ANYTHING TO GET ME OUT OF WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. 471 00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:40,540 YOU SIT TIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. 472 00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:42,270 THAT'S MY KID. I GOT TO JET. 473 00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:43,640 NICE TALKING TO YOU, COCKSUCKER. 474 00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:45,410 - HEY, HEY, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. 475 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:46,940 THAT'S WHAT BEING A PARENT'S ALL ABOUT. 476 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:48,710 LISTEN, WHEN MY NANNY CALLS WITH A PROBLEM, 477 00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:50,810 MY ASSISTANT TAKES THAT CALL NO MATTER WHAT. 478 00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:52,420 LOOK, I'LL GO WITH YOU. 479 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:53,850 - UH-UH. - COME ON! 480 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,250 - NO. - LET'S GO! 481 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,450 DARK AND DEEP! 482 00:18:56,490 --> 00:18:59,260 [rock music] 483 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:03,430 * 484 00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:04,890 - SO I'M THINKING JAPANESE. 485 00:19:04,930 --> 00:19:07,200 - SAY IT AIN'T SO, SHORT ROUND. 486 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,860 - HEY, SHE'S 100 BUCKS SHORT. 487 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,670 I DIDN'T WANT TO CALL THE COPS. 488 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,570 - APPRECIATE IT. LET ME SEE. 489 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:14,740 OH. 490 00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,610 I'M NOT PAYING FOR THAT, SWEETIE. 491 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,310 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE'D BE COOL WITH THIS. 492 00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:19,680 - I THOUGHT HE WOULD. 493 00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:22,280 I NEED THE MONEY, DAD. - YEAH? GET A JOB. 494 00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:24,510 - OKAY, GUESS I'M CALLING THE FUCKING COPS. 495 00:19:24,550 --> 00:19:25,380 - NOBODY'S CALLING THE FUCKING COPS! 496 00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,520 - WHOA! - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? 497 00:19:27,550 --> 00:19:30,520 - OH, YEAH, I KNEW IT WAS GONNA GET DARK TONIGHT. 498 00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:32,620 YEAH, SOMETIMES YOU CAN JUST FEEL IT. 499 00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:33,920 HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. 500 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,390 WE'RE GONNA BACK UP SLOWLY AND GET THE FUCK OUT. 501 00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:37,860 I GOT YOUR BACK, RAPIST. 502 00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:38,960 YOU CAN'T AFFORD ANY MORE TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE. 503 00:19:38,990 --> 00:19:40,960 - HEY, ISN'T THAT EDDIE NERO? 504 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,300 - HOLY SHIT, THAT'S EDDIE NERO. 505 00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:44,930 - HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE RIGHT. 506 00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:46,400 - YOU GUYS FANS? 507 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,470 - IT IS EDDIE NERO. 508 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:48,570 - AAH! OW! 509 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,670 GOD DAMN IT! 510 00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,740 - HANK, THE MOVIE! 511 00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,710 - AGENT, PAY HIM. 512 00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:55,610 - YOU FUCKED UP MY FACE. YOU FUCKED UP THE MONEYMAKER. 513 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,980 - OKAY, OKAY. 514 00:19:57,010 --> 00:19:58,580 - QUEENS OF DOGTOWN... 515 00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:00,320 - HERE WE GO. SHOULD BE A HUNDRED THERE. 516 00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:01,620 NOW, LISTEN, WHILE WE'RE HERE, 517 00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:03,250 I'D LIKE TO GET YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION. 518 00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,790 COULD YOU DO SOMETHING COOL WITH THIS? 519 00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:05,650 - NO, WHOA! - WHAT? WHAT? 520 00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:07,820 - GET THIS FUCKING GUY OUT OF MY SHOP. 521 00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:10,690 - WHAT? WHAT? OKAY, I'M GOING, I'M GOING. 522 00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:12,800 - I'M KAREN. - ABBY. NICE TO MEET YOU. 523 00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:13,800 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. 524 00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:16,800 - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR, UM-- FOR SEEING ME. 525 00:20:16,830 --> 00:20:18,870 - OH, MY PLEASURE. 526 00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:20,600 UH, TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAR, 527 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,570 I AM NO LONGER REPRESENTING MR. MOODY. 528 00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:25,340 - I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. 529 00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:27,340 UM... 530 00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:30,450 I WANT TO TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. 531 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,580 - WHY? 532 00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:34,850 - BECAUSE I'VE GIVEN HIM TOO MANY ALREADY, 533 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,750 AND IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S TURN. 534 00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:40,020 - HE IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS, KAREN. 535 00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:41,120 - I KNOW. 536 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,830 BELIEVE ME, I HAVE 16 YEARS' EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD. 537 00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:46,460 - TO BE HONEST, I-I-I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. 538 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,330 I-I DON'T THINK I CAN HELP HIM. 539 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,900 I DON'T THINK HE EVEN WANTS TO BE HELPED. 540 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:51,570 I THINK HE WANTS TO BE PUNISHED. 541 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,870 - YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 542 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:55,340 YOU'RE SMART. 543 00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:56,840 THAT'S WHY HE NEEDS YOU. 544 00:20:56,870 --> 00:21:00,040 - I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT I-I HAVE TO ASK. 545 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,780 HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU PUT UP WITH THIS 546 00:21:01,810 --> 00:21:03,510 FOR AS LONG AS YOU DID? 547 00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:05,850 - THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. 548 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,850 I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE AN ANSWER. 549 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,850 UM... 550 00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:12,820 I THINK THE WORLD SEES HANK 551 00:21:12,860 --> 00:21:15,620 AS THIS FABULOUS FUCK-UP. 552 00:21:15,660 --> 00:21:18,490 AND, UM, I KNOW THAT GUY. 553 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:20,860 I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THAT GUY. 554 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:24,870 BUT I AM BETTER ACQUAINTED WITH THE OTHER GUY... 555 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:29,710 THE ONE THAT LISTENS AND HEARS EVERYTHING, 556 00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:33,880 THE ONE THAT LOOKS AT YOU AND SEES RIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL, 557 00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:37,780 THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU BELIEVE IN EVERY FUCKING FAIRY TALE 558 00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:39,950 THAT YOU'VE EVER BEEN TOLD. 559 00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:42,790 ULTIMATELY, I MAY NOT EVEN BE THE WOMAN 560 00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:45,590 WHO GETS TO ENJOY THE MAN THAT I KNOW HE CAN BE, 561 00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:47,660 BUT I STILL WANT THE BEST FOR HIM, 562 00:21:47,690 --> 00:21:49,630 BECAUSE I WANT THE BEST FOR MY DAUGHTER. 563 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:56,100 I'M SORRY. I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO LAY ALL THIS ON YOU. 564 00:21:56,130 --> 00:21:59,500 - I-IT'S OKAY. I APPRECIATE YOUR CANDOR, I DO. 565 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,140 NICE TO MEET YOU. 566 00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:04,810 - YEAH, NICE TO MEET YOU. 567 00:22:10,010 --> 00:22:11,080 - SO I'M THE GUY YOU CALL 568 00:22:11,110 --> 00:22:12,920 WHEN YOU THINK YOUR MOTHER'S GONNA HAVE A SHIT FIT? 569 00:22:12,950 --> 00:22:14,820 OTHERWISE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME? 570 00:22:14,850 --> 00:22:17,790 - I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D UNDERSTAND. 571 00:22:17,820 --> 00:22:19,050 YOU HAVE TATTOOS. 572 00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,390 MOM HAS TATTOOS. - THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 573 00:22:21,420 --> 00:22:22,960 - WHAT IS THE POINT, THEN? 574 00:22:22,990 --> 00:22:24,990 THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. THEY WANTED ME TO DO IT. 575 00:22:25,030 --> 00:22:27,630 - YEAH, AND IF YOUR FRIENDS WANTED YOU TO DO DRUGS, 576 00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:29,060 WOULD YOU DO THAT? 577 00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:30,930 - OF COURSE I WOULD. 578 00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:32,600 WOULDN'T YOU? 579 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,100 A LITTLE BIT OF HYPOCRISY IS FINE, DAD, 580 00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:38,140 BUT I'M THE NORMAL ONE HERE. 581 00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:41,610 I'M SUPPOSED TO BE OUT GETTING FUCKED UP WITH MY FRIENDS. 582 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,650 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME WATCHING TV WITH MOM. 583 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,180 INSTEAD YOU'RE OUT THERE FUCKING TEENAGERS 584 00:22:47,220 --> 00:22:50,790 AND PRANCING AROUND LIKE A POOR MAN'S BUKOWSKI. 585 00:22:50,820 --> 00:22:54,820 I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU. 586 00:22:54,860 --> 00:22:56,890 - HEY, HEY. 587 00:22:56,930 --> 00:22:59,130 TAKE IT EASY ON YOUR OLD MAN, OKAY? 588 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,130 HE'S AS COOL AS THEY COME. 589 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:02,700 - REALLY? 590 00:23:02,730 --> 00:23:05,630 - YEAH, THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA PLAY HIM IN A MOVIE. 591 00:23:05,670 --> 00:23:06,900 - REALLY? 592 00:23:06,940 --> 00:23:08,870 - YOU ALREADY SAID THAT. 593 00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:10,740 YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD PLAY YOU? 594 00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:12,210 K-STEW. 595 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,140 I SHOULD GIVE HER A CALL. 596 00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:16,910 - [laughs] 597 00:23:16,950 --> 00:23:20,750 [girls giggling] 598 00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:22,820 - I SHOULD FUCKING HIT YOU. - YEAH, TAKE A SHOT. 599 00:23:22,850 --> 00:23:24,650 I'LL HIT YOU RIGHT BACK, YOU FUCKING NUTTER. 600 00:23:24,690 --> 00:23:26,660 - I SAID I SHOULD. I DIDN'T SAY I WAS GONNA. 601 00:23:26,690 --> 00:23:28,620 BUT I AM GONNA DO YOUR MOVIE. 602 00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:30,460 - WHY? 603 00:23:30,490 --> 00:23:32,900 - BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. 604 00:23:32,930 --> 00:23:36,100 AND IT SURE THE FUCK ISN'T ABOUT WARM, WET PUSSY. 605 00:23:36,130 --> 00:23:37,970 IT'S ABOUT A GUY TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER 606 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,470 WHILE FALLING APART. 607 00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:42,170 IT'S ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, SEX, 608 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,910 AND THE EVER-LURKING PRESENCE OF THE GRIM FUCKING REAPER. 609 00:23:45,940 --> 00:23:48,010 IT'S ABOUT MEN... 610 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,780 HUSBANDS, WIVES... 611 00:23:50,810 --> 00:23:52,880 DAUGHTERS, AND FATHERS. 612 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:57,190 IT'S CASSAVETES MEETS JUDY BLUME! 613 00:23:57,220 --> 00:23:59,020 IT'S ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING DARK SIDE. 614 00:23:59,050 --> 00:24:01,790 - YOU AND THE MOTHERFUCKING DARK SIDE. 615 00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:02,960 - COME HERE. 616 00:24:02,990 --> 00:24:05,660 COME ON. 617 00:24:05,690 --> 00:24:07,960 COME HERE, PUSSY FART. 618 00:24:10,070 --> 00:24:12,030 GET IN ON THIS. 619 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:17,140 [country music] 620 00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:20,780 [cheering] 621 00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:22,110 - WHOA. YEAH, HELL. 622 00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:25,250 SOME GOT TO WIN, AND SOME GOT TO LOSE THERE, YEP. 623 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,920 IF THE BULL DON'T KILL HIM, THE CLOWNS WILL. 624 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:33,060 - WHOA. [laughs] 625 00:24:33,090 --> 00:24:35,790 WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN, STU? 626 00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:38,530 - I'M MAKING MY MOVE. 627 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,800 - [laughing] SERIOUSLY? - THIS IS IT. 628 00:24:40,830 --> 00:24:41,860 - THAT'S YOUR MOVE, 629 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:45,200 THE OLD "FAKE YAWN, SURREPTITIOUS GROPE" COMBO? 630 00:24:45,230 --> 00:24:47,940 - IT'S A CLASSIC. - IT'S A CLAM, STU. 631 00:24:47,970 --> 00:24:49,040 THE NEXT THING I KNOW, 632 00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:50,040 YOU'RE GONNA BE STICKING YOUR DICK 633 00:24:50,070 --> 00:24:52,210 UP THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THAT TUB OF POPCORN, 634 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,910 DINER STYLE. 635 00:24:53,940 --> 00:24:55,140 - WOULD THAT HAVE WORKED? 636 00:24:55,180 --> 00:24:58,110 - WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, STU? 637 00:24:58,150 --> 00:25:01,180 - ACTUALLY, I WOULD. 638 00:25:01,220 --> 00:25:03,550 I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, MARCY. 639 00:25:03,590 --> 00:25:05,150 I SUCK WITH WOMEN. 640 00:25:05,190 --> 00:25:08,620 ASK MY FIRST THREE WIVES. 641 00:25:08,660 --> 00:25:12,030 BUT I LIKE YOU, 642 00:25:12,060 --> 00:25:15,260 AND, UM, THANKS FOR HANGING OUT. 643 00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:17,830 AND IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL DAY. 644 00:25:17,870 --> 00:25:20,000 - AW, SWEET. 645 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,570 OH, OKAY. 646 00:25:38,650 --> 00:25:39,920 - YOU'RE MEAN. 647 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,890 - WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? 648 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,790 - YOU FIRE ME IN THE MORNING, THEN YOU STRUT YOUR STUFF 649 00:25:43,830 --> 00:25:45,160 IN MY NECK OF THE WOODS IN THE EVENING-- 650 00:25:45,190 --> 00:25:47,300 CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, COUNSELOR. 651 00:25:47,330 --> 00:25:49,200 - LIFE GOES ON, HANK. 652 00:25:49,230 --> 00:25:50,930 - SO IT DOES. 653 00:25:50,970 --> 00:25:52,170 I'M SORRY, BY THE WAY. 654 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,270 - FOR WHAT? 655 00:25:53,300 --> 00:25:56,100 - I KNOW I CAN BE A WORLD-CLASS STONE IN YOUR SHOE. 656 00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:58,810 I MAKE LIFE PRETTY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE FOR THOSE AROUND ME. 657 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,210 IT'S AN ISSUE. I'M WORKING ON IT, WHATEVER. 658 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,010 TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. 659 00:26:04,050 --> 00:26:07,020 HAVE FUN ON YOUR "DATE." 660 00:26:07,050 --> 00:26:10,890 - WHO SAYS I'M ON A DATE? 661 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,720 MAYBE I CAME HERE TO SEE YOU. 662 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,890 - REALLY? WHY? 663 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,960 - MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE RASH THIS MORNING. 664 00:26:18,990 --> 00:26:21,000 - I-I GET IT. I BRING IT OUT IN PEOPLE-- 665 00:26:21,030 --> 00:26:22,700 RASHES AND WHATNOT. 666 00:26:22,730 --> 00:26:25,830 ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE SAYING? 667 00:26:25,870 --> 00:26:29,100 - DEPENDS WHAT YOU THINK I'M SAYING. 668 00:26:29,140 --> 00:26:31,110 - THAT YOU'RE MY LAWYER AGAIN. 669 00:26:31,140 --> 00:26:32,640 - MAYBE. 670 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,280 TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. 671 00:26:34,310 --> 00:26:35,680 - TOMORROW? 672 00:26:35,710 --> 00:26:38,750 - YEAH, THERE'S NOT A LOT OF LEGAL WORK 673 00:26:38,780 --> 00:26:39,920 I CAN DO FOR YOU TONIGHT. 674 00:26:42,790 --> 00:26:44,750 - RIGHT, SO--SO-- SO TECHNICALLY, 675 00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:47,820 YOU'RE NOT MY LAWYER RIGHT NOW? 676 00:26:47,860 --> 00:26:51,390 - TECHNICALLY, UH, NO, I'M NOT. 677 00:26:51,430 --> 00:26:53,830 RIGHT NOW I'M JUST A GIRL IN A BAR. 678 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,070 - HMM, THAT'S FUNNY, 679 00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:02,140 'CAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M JUST A GUY IN A BAR. 680 00:27:02,170 --> 00:27:04,440 - THAT IS FUNNY. 681 00:27:04,470 --> 00:27:06,910 WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. 682 00:27:06,940 --> 00:27:08,980 - HANK MOODY. 683 00:27:09,010 --> 00:27:09,980 - ABBY. - ABBY? 684 00:27:10,010 --> 00:27:11,110 - MM-HMM. - ABBY. 685 00:27:11,150 --> 00:27:13,720 WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU. 686 00:27:13,750 --> 00:27:16,320 [techno music] 687 00:27:16,350 --> 00:27:21,420 * 688 00:27:21,460 --> 00:27:24,390 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 47653

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